The Pinky Confessions 2

There is a debate about transgender children. Should a Child be allowed to change gender? Some parents even allow their children to be drag kids! Should we allow this so the child is happy? Or is this just a form of child abuse?
You may know me as Pinky and read a lot about me. This is my story in my words.
A story of who I was, who I wanted to be, who others wanted me to be and who people thought I was

I walked to my bedroom after Dad told me what a sissy was. I wore a dress twice in my short life, so this did not make me a sissy. Some part of my brain thought that Dad liked me wearing a dress and in some way wanted me to be a girl or a sissy or whatever it was called. This confused me so I decided to ask my mom. I blushed as I asked her did Dad want me to be a girl. My mom just smiled and said that he wanted me to be happy. She was sure that Dad would love me no matter what gender I was. He wanted me to be happy and have a good life. He only bought me the Halloween dress because he wanted me to be happy.

I started to think that my mom was right. Dad just got the dress because he thought he was supporting me. His whole speech about accepting that I was a sissy was just to show me that he would love me if I was a sissy. I was sure that this would all blow over when he could see that I was happy the way that I was. I was not a sissy and did not want to be a girl. I just wanted to be myself. I wanted to be the way that God created me.

Time went years went by and I was now 8 years old. The whole confusion that I experienced was long forgotten. Well, it was not totally forgotten. I did not dress like the other boys in my class. Maybe this was because Dad bought our clothes. My clothes were bright colours and pastel colours. I also wore tight jeans or leggings. I never considered these clothes girly, not even when my sister thought that they were pretty. I just accepted things as the way they were. The main thing was that my dad no longer gave me speeches about being a girl or sissy things. Looking back at it, I know that I was too young to realize how I was slowly changing.

My life started drastically changed when we finally had summer holidays before school. It was just before my 9th birthday. On the last day of school, when I came home, I found that all my boy undies were gone. They were all girl panties. They were all in different pastel colours or Disney princess ones. Some had small bows in the front and some had lace around the edges. There were even some tights in my drawer. I just stood there and gawked at them. At first, I thought that a mistake was made and someone put my sister's clothes there. When I asked dad, he said that he knew that I would like them. He also said that I was getting too old for spiderman briefs. He also reminded me that he would support me in finding my identity. I was so confused. He thought I was too old for spiderman briefs and it would be ok to wear princess panties? My friends still wore superhero briefs!

I tried to tell mom to speak with my dad about the panties and tights. She just shrugged her shoulders and said that they must be unisex and Dad was just trying to be nice to me. When I told her that my friends at school would tease me if they saw me wearing them, she just smiled and said that was because they were jealous. I doubted this very much. My sister even said that she thought I was brave to wear them and asked me if I really wanted to wear them. I just shrugged my shoulder and told her I don’t mind. I did not want to cause any drama.

Mom and Dad did buy me the best present that I ever got for my birthday. It was not the pastel colour clothes that they got me. It was a Karaoke machine. I never thought I had a singing voice, but when I tried it, even my sister said that I sang like an angel. Singing Karaoke was my favourite hobby. I could spend hours singing songs and pretending I was performing. Dad told me that I should perform for others. I could also do some videos and put them on youtube. He told me that people would love me. I told him that I was too shy for this. This did not stop Dad from asking me a hundred times if we should do a youtube video. I told him no every time. At least my mother supported me. She told Dad to stop pressuring me. Dad did not like this so an argument between my mom and Dad started. I hated when my parents argued. This time they were arguing because of me. It made me feel so guilty. It made me think that I just should have said yes to Dad's request.

It was hard to get used to the panties and tights. They felt strange. I admit at times they felt more comfortable and I loved the way the tights felt on my legs. I was just worried about what people would say. The panties were hidden of course under my clothes. It was harder to hide the tights, especially when I wore them with shorts. My dad thought they looked cute. I think my mom looked the other way. She most likely did not want an argument with Dad. I did not argue either. It was at this time I found out that Dad was very dominant. He seemed to have his ways and it was impossible to argue with him. Maybe that meant that I was very submissive. I had no clue what “submissive” meant at this age, I just did not want to cause problems. At times., it was easier to easy to go along with things.

My sister supported me and never gave me a bad time. She told me that I was not like other boys. In fact, I was beginning to look more and more like a girl. I did not know if this was an insult or not. I would have jumped on her and pinned her down except I knew she was stronger than me. I started crying. I do not know why this happened. My sister told me she was not teasing. She was worried about me. She told me that she did not want me to be teased by people who thought that I was a sissy or gay. I heard others talk about gay people. I did not understand what it meant. How could a boy fancy another boy? I did not fancy anyone yet, not even girls. Why would anyone call me gay when I did not fancy anyone?

My sister told me that it could help if I got my hair cut. This made me feel sick. I hated haircuts. Still, if it meant that people would not think that I was a girl or sissy, it would be worth it. When I told my mom that I needed a haircut, she smiled and told me that I needed one and she would tell Dad. Later Dad told me that he thought I could get my hair ends trimmed so that my hair would not be damaged. He did not think that I should have short hair. When I told Dad that people would think I am a girl or sissy. Dad looked frustrated when I said this and said, “You are who you are. Learn to embrace it and not worry what others think”. I had no clue what he meant by this. The result was that I still had hair that went down to my shoulders.

I do not know if dad was changing or not. I think I was old enough now to see how demanding he was. I also could see that my mom and others just did what he said. It was as if people did not want to make him mad. Maybe I was the same. I stopped saying no to Dad's request about doing a youtube video. He already bought the equipment so it was a bit hard to say no to it. I remember the first song I sang was called “tell me why”. I was surprised at the success of the video. Hundreds and thousands of people viewed it and I had a lot of subscribers. It was strange reading the comments. People thought I was very talented. This was a strange feeling. I did not think that I was so good. Comments could also be embarrassing. There were many that asked if I was a boy or a girl. Some would write things like “she is so talented”. It did not help that Dad did not use my real name. He gave me a stage name. I was known as “Pinky”

Dad was so happy with my success on youtube, that we did more videos. One day he bought me a present that was in a huge box. I was excited and for a moment thought that being on youtube could have its benefits. When I opened the box, it was a dollhouse. I did not say a word but thought that I was the only boy with a dollhouse. Dad thought that my silence meant that I was happy with the gift and told me to let my sister play with the dollhouse as well. She told him that she was too old. So here I was stuck with a dollhouse. The strange thing is beside my karaoke machine, the dollhouse was my favourite toy. I liked decorating it and I had my own family living there. My sister would remind me that I was beginning to look like a girl and play like a girl. I disagreed with her and told her the dollhouse was like a live version of the sims.

Dad told me that I was now 9 and should look my age, so he decided that we would go to the mall. I thought maybe he would buy me briefs. This was not the case. We went to a jewellery shop and dad told me that my ears would be pierced. He did not even ask me if I wanted my ears pierced. I was about to tell him that I heard at school that boys should only get one ear pierced. Getting two ears pierced meant something bad. I did not get a chance to say anything. The woman told Dad that he had a pretty daughter. I told her that I was a boy. This embarrassed the woman and things went quiet. Dad broke the silence and told me to be nice and told her it made him proud how she praised his child.

I do not think that my mom liked the earrings. At the same time, she asked Dad when he would stop. I did not understand what she meant by this. I did get the impression that she did not want to have an argument with my dad. My sister was a bit more honest. She told me she thinks it's fine I am girly and she would always love me. At the same time, she told me I needed the courage to say no to Dad if there was something I did not like. I had to learn to say no. If I was girly, it had to be something I wanted. I told my sister that I could say no. I do not know if this was true. She asked me did I want my ears pierced.

At school, I was not teased that much. People thought that I was girly. They knew about panties and tights. They could see I wore lots of pink and pastel colours. They could see my long hair. Now they could see my earrings. It was as if they accepted that I was girly and yet considered myself a boy. It also meant that I did not have friends. I do not think the teachers liked me either.

It is wrong to think that I was abused in some way. Mostly I did not care about being girly or boyish. While at times, it did bother me, I thought I had a great life. I loved singing and I was proud of the success I was having on youtube. The comments could be embarrassing, but I did like it when people thought that I was talented. When Dad asked if I would sing at a family party, I told him that I would. This was a big step for me. I was growing out of my shyness. I was getting older.

I did not consider myself a girl or a sissy. This was until one night that I heard my mom and Dad fighting.