Summoned: An Accidental Adventure –
Chapter 04
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~Nicholas~
By her count it had been at least an hour since the old geezer had ported them to this strange location. It was an odd looking hill. More of a grassy knoll really. Yet if the body alone was not enough proof that she wasn’t in Kansas anymore then the alien landscape sealed the deal on it. At least the sky was blue here. Even if it was too deep a blue, almost a sapphire blue and startlingly sharp in contrast. Like the super high definition pictures she had seen from mountain expeditions.
Underfoot the grass was more loke broad leafed purple crushed velvet on a stalk. It was sort of like walking on a Super Villains carpet than on any lawn that Nick was familiar with. Off to the side was a copse of trees that looked like a cross between a Douglass Fir and an Orange tree if the fruit like globes at the end of its branches was anything to go by. The sun of the planet was behind an angry dark blue stormfront in the distance. Nick hoped that the Old Man may show some common sense and perhaps poof them some cover before the storm decided to add to the days enjoyment.
All in all she had to give the setting a seven stars out of ten. She subtracted two due to the whole soul-napping thing.
“Alrighty then. Can we get to the whole ‘You Tarzan, Me Jane’ thing already? I’m afraid I have to play the Jane part I guess… kind of lacking the equipment for Tarzan.” She looked around a little then back down at herself. “Though I am kind of built much closer to a savage.”
She was tired of just rambling or cursing at him. Her spleen was now well and truly vented, all that was left was a weary want of returning to herself. For the last while he hadn’t done anything but seem to have a one sided conversation with himself. While he was doing so she could not find any common vocal linguistics between them she was lost as to next steps. If he wasn’t the only potential link to both her friends and getting back home she would be sorely tempted to just go and wander off.
Well… maybe after she mugged him for his cloak. There was no way she was going to attempt adventuring on an alien planet in her brand new birthday suit.
Unfortunately for her sanity that infernal hexadecimal clock was still superimposed in her vision. “C’mon Guy, at least tell me how to turn this damned clock off!”
Almost immediately it left her vision as if it had never been there. “Well, if that doesn’t just beat all. Now. Help menu?” She looked around. “Help system? Interface? Status Menu? Nothing? Damn…”
Still nothing happened. She scowled at the old guy grumpily. He just looked back with a level gaze. Completely unperturbed by her tone.
“Yeah, and it is of course too much to ask for some type of Universe Translator or Mystical Magical God Poofing Ear Canal Fish.”
Tired of the standoff she decided to attempt the more physical approach again. She had been ready for him to get confrontational or argumentative. Something really. Rather he surprised her by gliding backwards in a strange weaving almost float whenever she moved forward. Keeping an exact seven of her paces between the two of them.
At least she was pretty sure it was seven paces of her new body and not her old one. Considering that she had gained almost a whole head in height in the blink of an eye she did feel justified in feeling it all a little bit obnoxious. Not nearly so much so as gaining a pair of breasts, each one the size of her head. In between attempts to move forward she gave a long back popping stretch while considering how much of a pain in the ass they were going to be. About halfway through the stretch Nick remembered her state of dress and rapidly covered at least her bosom in embarrassment.
“This is really going to take some getting used to.”
She looked over at the Old Borg Kenoby look alike. His skin at least didn’t look nearly as horrible as when she first uncovered him. Was he self repairing like her skin had after removing all the shit from the room that was in it?
“Having no way to talk with you is going to get real old real quick you know.”
He clacked gutturally back at her but otherwise remained inscrutable. After several moments he didn’t say anything else and she had had enough of him. Instead of continuing on with the insanity of getting the same results for the same attempts she took a different track.
It was time to see if this ‘grass’ was really as comfortable to sit on as it appeared. Turns out the shin high stuff really was comfortable.
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~Felix~
Felix and Malachai watched in terror as the grizzled cyber-mummy had grabbed Nicks ankle and disappeared with their recently Amazonified friend. Things began to fade from view into a sort of hazy gray nothingness.
“Nick!” He managed to get out before everything faded from view.
His and Malachai’s bickering now seemed petty and childish to him as the room itself faded from view second by second. He felt his friend grab on to him, a desperation in her hold that mirrored his own. Sure the fascination and friendly banter had kept a chittering terror at bay prior, but now it had slammed into him full force.
That had happened an hour ago now. At least as the two of them had been able to determine. The world had faded back into being. The two of them were there, as well as part of the bed he had awoken on. However, now it was on the side of a dirt road running through some sort of rural town. The varying types of building styles and technologies was not as bad as the elliptical room they had found themselves in. That wasn’t saying much though. There were some brick buildings and some scrap metal buildings. One building though looked like something he would expect to see in a Star Wars movie.
At least the population that had been staring at them seemed to be nominally human. For the most part. Some seemed extra-ordinary, like the horse teamster with four arms or the woman with the head of a sparrow. The most common theme was mostly human though. Even the five individuals who held them at gun and swordpoint.
“Felix”
“Yes?”
“I know when sword win in gunfight.”
“You don’t say.” Felix was standing there self consciously under the watch of their guard. “How does a sword win then?”
‘When swordsman partner is gunfighter.” She answered in her distractingly whispery voice.
He looked over for a moment. “Really? We are butt assed naked in some B-Rate movie’s village being held by who knows what Warlords troops and that’s what you come up with?”
She shrugged. “Silence getting me. Better speak than go mad.. Ne?”
They both shut up again when the guard wearing some type of gauntlets inspired by Pinhead gestured at them and spoke in some kind of guttural click clacking words.
“No speak-ze post apocalyptical mumbly jumbo.” Felix responded having secretly wanting to use a line like that for much of his life.
Malachai elbowed him sharply. “Really? Shut mouth you.”
The man pointed at the two of them then said something else. After a time they found themselves bundled off to a sort of jail. It didn’t take them long to get there and they weren’t processed in like Felix was familiar with from back home in Southern California. It wasn’t bad really, and the holding cells were better than the times he had been arrested for warrants due to unpaid traffic tickets and such. A decently large room with a comfortable cloth cot. The toilet was even semi-private. There was a set of bars separating the four cells apart. He and Malachai occupied two of the cells and what looked like a drunk was sleeping off a bender in another.
Something else they had learned was that in daylight his skin became like a pleasant view of the sapphire sky. Clouds and all. Not the sky above them though, almost as if they were viewing through him to another point on the planet. Regardless of where the angle was that Malachai viewed him from. He could get lost just looking into his hand at any time really. Once out from the orange tinted sun’s rays though he ended up back in his starlit norm.
Meanwhile Malachai’s slight opalescence positively beamed in a brilliant iridescent shimmer when any light was on shined onto her flesh. Making her seem carved from a pure pearl when at rest. In motion she was as breathtaking as her whispery voice could be. It was abso-blumin-utely distracting to Felix as neither had yet been given any clothes and felix still considered Malachai a guy.
So far no one had spoken English or any other recognizable language. It would probably make getting a job rather hard around here he was sure. Out of the corner of his eye Felix caught an iridescent movement. “Hey! Knock that off!”
Malachai stopped her gymnastic warmup routine to give him a playful wink. “What. Problem with what see?” She bounced a couple of times before bending backwards to grab her ankles. “Body limber. Different. Need to know limits. You do same?”
He had turned his head away from her antics knowing he will probably never be able to get that latest mental image out of his head. “That sounds smart man, but can’t you wait until they at least give us some clothes?”
She only laughed at him. “This best time ‘Man’. Should examine body. It not human, it different. Have circuitry, have cybernetic or bionic part. Need know how use.”
While he wasn’t looking he heard what sounded like flesh hitting floor and clapping on flesh again in rapid succession. With a sigh he turned to look back to see what it was that Malachai was up to. It turned out that she was doing handless back and front flips. Her capability left him absolutely floored. To be able to do even a running flip was beyond it, yet here was his friend just popping back and forth like a demented supercharged Mexican jumping bean. After a few more sets she stopped and turned to face him. He saw her standing there, not even perspiring. A quizzical look on her face.
“What? You no see gymnastic practice?”
He finally found his voice. “No, not like that. How did you do that?”
“Years practice. You test body now. I help, observe.”
Felix didn’t really have a clue as to what she wanted him to do and it probably showed on his face.
After several moments of non-action she finally gave him an instruction. “Stretch.”
She walked him through various body postures and maneuvers. Much to his discomfort he found. They discovered in quick order that the was indeed much more limber as well as stronger than before. Since Felix had never trained in any sport or otherwise he didn’t know the forms mentally to do any of the cool stuff that she was able to do so. Though Malachai did not that Felix’s body had been trained in martial arts if nothing else.
During their experimentation one of the town guards came in and talked at them in that bizarre sounding language. His uniform was a sort of a cross between urban military camouflage and Spanish Conquistador. A sort of forward curving longsword was on his hip and a snub nosed assault rifle rested on a strap on his shoulder. Otherwise he looked like a highschooler with longish hair and a bad attempt at a mustache on his upper lip.
Malachai stopped helping him for a moment to walk up to the bars of her cell. She clasped her hands behind her back and jutted her chest out a little bit watching the youngsters uncomfortable expression. Her sweet whispery voice soothing to the ears. “You no understand word I say. So I say nonsense. Just Gobbledegook that mean no thing. We just Alien after all. No matter if I call ass badger or face of rutting baboon.”
The youths adams apple bobbed as he swallowed, attempting to stave off arousal. He gestured with his sword hand, the words he replied with were just as unknowable to them as theirs to him.
“You like what see? Oh yes you do, but is me or is my friend?”
Felix was feeling a bit scandalized at this point. “Seriously Dude?”
She looked over her shoulder at him coquettishly. “In America just like Romania woman use body to get what want. What wrong here?”
“Because you’re a guy?” Still scandalized. Very much so.
If Felix thought that his statement held any weight with his friend her response cleared him of that illusion.
“You think I guy right now?” Said with a quiet laugh. “These look like belong to guy? And no tell me you no look between legs. I know you check out.”
“What’s wrong with you Malachai? I would never be ok with that. I’m a guy and I know you were never gay. So why are you suddenly acting like some porn vixen?”
Malachai laughed harder than before. Still not a loud laugh by any means but it was still far to pleasant sounding to Felix’s ears for his peace of mind. If she had been anyone other than one of his best friends he would actually be alright with her state of undress. Well maybe if it was back on Earth as he was stridently sure they were not on Earth. She slowed down and dropped all mannerisms she had been putting on. Off to the side the young guard watched mesmerized and looked unsure of what he was supposed to do.
“Felix, I woman now. Am in strange land. In strange body. Only you friend left. No one else. So I act like Romanian woman and speak like when arrive in States as if I act like Old Malachai I break down.” She dropped her pidgin and spoke proper, if whispery, English. Her voice gaining in intensity as she continued. “Do you think this is easier for me? To be given a woman’s body with a pillow talk voice? Your body is changed, sure. Your skin nothing but a starry field. But… You. Are. Still. A. MAN!!!”
Even yelling her voice was a sultry whisper, one that seemed to permeate the world around though. Leaving the aftersound of an echo without any actual echo present.
She dropped back into her more comfortable mode of pidgin as she quietly continued. “In Romania women often property. Or treated like. Body not choice, naked not choice, place not choice. How act is choice. So I have fun, I tease. I act like women of America or Hollywood. May be act, but act I can enjoy. If you problem Keep to self.”
He looked away in shame. Felix knew he had not really considered how Malachai had felt and had instead projected his own views and feelings onto her situation. “I’m sorry man. I hadn’t considered, pretty stupid of me right?”
“Good. That progress. But as said, I woman now. Please be calling me such till I back to proper self.”
Once the two of them calmed down a touch from venting their spleens at each other the guard said something and walked forward.
“I think he wants us to step back.”
“You think?” Malachai teased but also backed up.
The Guard pressed his hand against what Felix had thought was a key lock but seemed to act like a biometric pad. Both doors slid open and he gestured for them to follow. The motion was obvious to even Felix as the two of them found themselves being led through a hallway where awaited another guard. This one was large and had skin that looked black as obsidian. If not for Felix’s own ability to stargaze through his own thigh he may have been taken aback. The guards led them into a sort of tribunal style courtroom with five people standing behind a long horseshoe curved style bench.
“Don’t look now, but I think we’ve found the town council.”
“You obtuse.” Malachai snipped. “Not look like any choice.”
The tall black skinned guard stated something authoritative that probably meant something like “Quiet Down” or “All Rise”.
“What I wouldn’t give for some translator microbes.” Though it was quiet Malachai still heard it and managed a chuckle at the reference.
A woman behind the bench began to speak. She carried on for some length after which a younger and rotund gentleman picked up where she left off. A third who looked like he was cosplaying as George Jetson said something and gestured at both Felix and Malachai.
After some time he repeated himself and gestured again.
“Sorry George. As my friend said earlier you don’t understand anything I’m saying so I’ll just say gobblygook.”
It looked like the pudgy man was losing patience but as he began to speak the center woman cut him off and nodded to the Mr. Jetson impersonator. He spoke again, sort of like a public servant giving a speech. Everyone listened then devices of various design lowered behind each of them and glowed in just as many different styles.
One of the guards spoke briefly then nodded.
Felix looked over at Malachai. “Wonder what that was about.”
Three of the people including the short pudgy one laughed at the guards statement. Then the guard made another one that caused Mr. Jetson’s skin to flush crimson in agitation.
“We butt of Joke?”
“I think that someone just referred to us as Astro and he is trying to advocate for us.”
“We no dog. Monkey’s? Yes. Dog no.”
“Speak for yourself, I’m a stargazing Aardvark.”
The obsidian guard barked something rather nasty at the two of them. Once the room was quiet again the woman standing in the center made something that was like a closing statement and clapped her hands once with authority.
Felix was about to make another quip when something hard and metallic closed around his neck from behind. Beside him the same happened to Malachai, she began to speak rapidly in Romanian then suddenly dropped boneless to the floor.
“Hey! Don-“ He never finished his statement as something like touching a live electric wire flooded his brain chasing him into darkness.
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End Chapter 04
Authors Notes –
New world, new languages, new situations. No Universal Translators, No magical Ear Fish, no Translator Microbes, and no simple Deus Ex Machina communications where everyone seems to speak English though there is NO rational explanation for it (even including universal translators. Otherwise when someone curses in Klingon then the Translator would Translate that). Everyone has to learn by being pitched into the deep end. BWA HA HA HA… *cough* *cough* I meant to laugh like that. Really I did…. Heh.
