Hidden Intent Part 4

As we moved from town to town I settled into my life as a girl. My injuries had healed and Jenny had been teaching me the finer points of girl-dom. The tigers had become very friendly with everyone and their previous minder was happy to leave me to look after them.

Every morning after I fed them I now took them for a walk so they could smell out the surroundings for themselves. This became a drawcard for the circus as it became normal for the local paper to send out a photographer and a couple of dignitaries for a photo shoot. I did have to make sure that they understood that these were not kittens but wild animals that could, if provoked, bite your arm off, especially as they grew bigger.

Jenny and I had been getting better and better and the day came when the bosses were invited to watch us in a full dress display to see if they wanted to add it to the show. Jenny had been putting on a display of trick riding and we had developed it so that she did her solo show and I came into the ring when she was opposite the entrance. We then repeated her show in unison, finishing off with the swan position for a couple of circuits before standing on the horses and bowing to the audience.

We both had a cowgirl outfit with tassels and soft soled boots that gripped well but looked good. The whole circus gathered in the stand and she came out to do her show, which she had jazzed up a bit from the usual display. I joined her on cue and we circulated like clockwork with each section getting more complicated. We did end with the swan and then did two circuits waving at the audience before nudging the horses to exit the ring. Outside we quickly dismounted, tethered the animals after giving them a pat, and went back into the tent where the audience was very appreciative.

Stephano and Melissa were very enthusiastic about our performance and it was decided that we would do it for the public that very night. I needed to have a costume change after parading with the cubs and we thought that the two of us could have our western gear on for the finale as we led the cubs. Jenny had been accepted by them as a friend and she had overcome any fear she originally had with them. The two acts went over well and I was reclassed as an artiste and started to get some more wages.

One good thing about all of this was that my identity was now becoming firm as Tanya Blackwood, Jenny’s’ cousin, and the bosses called on their contacts to get me a new set of paperwork in that name. I was told that I was not the first to run away to a circus to hide and was just one in a long line. All this time I had not left the confines of the venue but now, feeling daring, Jenny and I had an afternoon off when we were at a larger town, having lunch at a mall and catching a picture before going back to the circus to get ready for the evening performance.

By the end of the summer we had become a staple part of the show, now listed as the ‘Bareback Beauties – The Blackwood Sisters from Deadwood.’ The tigers were now too big to be chanced with the general public and we had to do a deal with a good zoo to take them as they were no longer on a bottle and we could not keep up with the meat they were demanding. I was sad to see them go but when I delivered them to the zoo and saw the big area they would be living in I just had to let them loose with a tear in my eye. They had been the catalyst that had allowed me to stay with the circus and also stay in hiding, if you call performing in front of hundreds of people being in hiding.

The circus now headed to the wintering quarters and I stayed with Jenny in her caravan when she went to her home town. She had an apartment with a parking space so we settled into living with her inside and me in the van. Over the next few months I took driving lessons and got my license. I had earned enough to live on over winter and the circus had paid all of us artistes a bonus based on the profits of the season. All in all, I was happy being Tanya. When Jenny and I went into town we often got hit on and I became adept at the refusal of further antics but did give head a few times. Neither of us had boyfriends, as such, but there were a couple of guys who took us out more than once.

One day I asked her if she would like to take a trip so that I could do some research. She agreed and we packed for a week or two and drove to my old home town. I felt that I had to know how safe I was and also felt that if I was a wanted person, I had become settled enough in my own mind to wear the consequences if I got caught. We stayed at a motel when we got there and, in the morning, we went into town and the library. I pulled the papers from the time I left and we read the pages together. I had told her that I was less than honest with everyone at the circus and that there could be something on those pages that may turn her against me.

I started from the day I left and it was a good week or more before someone was worried enough to look at the house to see if we were all right. The first article was of my father being found in the kitchen in a state of putrefaction, along with the bodies of two cats. Police had stated that there was evidence of suicide and a note was being investigated. Two days later the headline was about my mother being dug up in the garden bed with an estimate that she had been dead for some weeks before being found. Police did say that I was being looked for but that interviews with my school-friends highlighted that I would never have killed the cats and that, as far as they were concerned, I was probably dead as I had disclosed how worried I had been before never being seen again. The next day the paper had an article about my torn and bloody clothes being found and it was thought that my fate had been the same as my mother, however, my body had not been found.

Jenny read all of this and turned to me and hugged me closely, whispering that I had been lucky to leave when I did as I may have actually been killed as well. A few days further on there was a big article about me giving all of my accomplishments at school and on the running track with some very nice comments from those that knew the younger me. That Sunday they had held a memorial service for my mother and me, my father being buried by his family in his home town. My mother had been buried in a proper grave and I decided that I would put some flowers on it as my final farewell.

We put the papers back in the stacks and went to get a drink in the old coffee lounge. I had a couple of awkward moments when an old school chum tried to chat us up but we told him that we were only passing through. Then we bought a small wreath and drove to the cemetery where we found the grave. I stood for a few moments and laid the flowers in front of the headstone. It was then I saw a small plaque to one side dedicated to me with an unknown death date. I was a bit giddy for a moment and Jenny had to hold me upright. When we left she commented that it must have been weird for me to be standing in front of my own grave and it was lucky for everyone that my father had done ‘the right thing’ in the end.

We spent a couple of days in the area with me pointing out a few places which held some significance for me. We did not go anywhere near the house. I expected that it had been cleared with everything sold off to go into my parents’ estate. Without me being found I expected that my cousins would share it in six or seven years. On the drive back Jenny opened up with how well I had been perceived when I was a boy. She said that she felt that I may have been good husband material if all of the ‘bad things’ had not happened. I could see that even though I was sitting beside her, the articles in the paper were all the truth she needed to know. She thanked me for allowing her to see the facts and that, as Tanya, I was a very special person.

When the weather improved, we went to the wintering site and set up the caravan. We had a chat with the family and made our re-acquaintance with the horses. They knew that their time in the spotlight was about to return and were obviously happy to see us. For the next couple of weeks we rehearsed our act and refined a few points. Evangeline came up to us one day and told us that she had been called by a zoo that had heard of our time with the tiger cubs and wanted us to go and see them about a couple of little ones they had. It seemed that the zoo where the cubs now lived were vocal in their praise as the two were very good at interacting with the public while being very friendly with the staff and it was thought that the time they spent with us had given them a good start in life.

We went off to the zoo and were warmly welcomed. When we saw the ones they wanted us to take we were shocked as these two were a pair of two-week old male lions whose mother had died not long after giving birth. I was introduced to them first and spent some time with them, playing and feeding them. When I felt they were happy with me we brought Jenny in and the two of us bonded with them. We went back every morning for a week and we finally brought them back to the circus. We would be their home for the summer and it was a surreal experience to look after them. The rest of the circus gave us a wide berth when we were out with them on leads.

It wasn’t long before we all set off to the start point of our summer tour, another year in the public gaze beckoned.

Marianne G 2020