Chapter 2.9

A few days later, I had a couple of days off from running Heaven's Rose. I got dressed in some casual clothes and went outside. I wanted to see what had been done for decorating the house outside.

I stopped just outside the door. I felt a breeze! I turned and looked in the glass of the front door. I could see my hair blowing gently.

I hurried back in and saw John getting up. "There's a breeze outside." I was concerned as wind is not something you want in a spaceship. It usually has dire consequences, and I don't mean the kind I give when when he makes me happy.

"That was my doing, dear," he told me while he was pulling on his pants. "I placed some gravity plates at the narrow end of the bay. They are at the top of the bay, and will only create a breeze at ground level."

"They can be turned up, though?"

"They can, but I won't allow it."

"Do you control it?" I asked him. I remembered what happened to Fred. I turned to face the wall because I didn't want him to see my fear at his idea.

He must have known what was going through my mind. He came up behind me and enveloped me with his arms. "The default on these plates is off. Not full power like the ones in the engines."

I nodded. I recognized that he knew what he was doing, but it scared me. We had been through so much that I suspected most new things.

I had been told by Mara to face the things that scared me. John had been there at the time.

I sat on the bed for a while, crying but building up courage. It was frustrating. I would work out tears only to have to cry again, just a little while later. What the hell had that bastard done to me?

Finally, I looked up into John's face and put on a shaky smile. "Do we have a kite?"

He looked at me shocked, then he slowly got a big grin. "I'll make one."

I smiled back, then went to the closet. He changed into some shorts and a tank top, then headed to his workshop.

I pulled off the shorts and tank top I was wearing. John could wear his, but if I was going to fly a kite, I was going to do it right! I put on a sundress and some flats, then I washed my face and put on some eye makeup and a little blush. I put my hair in a ponytail then went to Frieda's room. I knocked on the door and heard her say, "Come in."

"Your dad is making a kite. Do you want to help us fly it?"

She stared like I'd lost my mind. "You're kidding, right?"

We had a great relationship, but I doubt she could see the joy of getting a kite flying. John had built one when we were kids, and I loved flying it with him.

"I just figured I'd ask."

She gave me a strange look, then said, "Mom, go enjoy your time with Dad, okay?"

Somewhere, she had learned to read me like a book. Obviously, she had gotten that ability from her dad. Thinking about it, much of her personality seemed to come from him, as did her dark brown hair and hazel eyes. The rest of her looked like me, but I was a honey blonde and had blue eyes. Well, mostly. I could see elements of him in her face, although it seemed to be the general consensus that she was a dead ringer for me.

I heard John come out of his shop and asked, "Are you ready?"

"Last chance," I said to Frieda.

She smiled, motioned for me to leave, and picked up her virtual helmet, put it on and lay down. "Have fun," she said.

"Be good, " I retorted, then went out to the living room.

John took one look at me and said, "This is a really nice day."

I took a look at his muscular arms and legs. I knew that his chest matched very nicely. "If you lose the shirt, " I countered.

"Gonna lose the dress?"

"When we get back home."

"I can lose my shirt then as well."

"And shorts?"

He laughed as we went outside. "That can be arranged," he said as he started toward town.

I was still standing on our porch and he stopped and turned around to look at me. "Aren't we going out back?" I asked as we had a pretty good-sized back yard.

"Now why would I hide you here?"

"Do you remember the last time we flew a kite together?" I asked.

He came back and we sat down on the swing hanging from the porch roof. It wasn't likely to rain in Fredriksburg, but this was something I had fallen in love with when I was a little girl. Okay… I was in my fifties and was physically a man, but… oh hell with it; I was a girl back then too. Anyway, I loved a scene in a movie where a girl and her boyfriend watched a thunderstorm from just such a swing.

"I remember it, yes."

"How did you feel about it?"

He processed my suggestion, how I was dressed, and my question then he became serious, which was not his normal personality. He looked down at the kite he was holding, then back at me. "I'm sorry Rose. I don't think it meant as much to me as it did you. I did have a lot of fun that day, but to me, we were just two boys…"

"I know, John. It was something completely different to me. In my mind, you were my handsome boyfriend, I was your girl and we were enjoying a nice spring day. I was dressed something like this, and…" I stopped. I could get past much of the pain by thinking of myself as female back then, but I was having to explain it to him, and it was a painful reminder that I was a boy, maybe not just like him, but male physically.

"You want today to be the way it should have been back then?"

I nodded, feeling again those tears that always seemed so near the surface.

"You know, don't you, that if… oh hell. How to say this so and not hurt you." He paused. "Nevermind."

I wanted to know, however. I didn't like secrets between us. Well, at least not the painful kind. Birthdays were a wonderful time for the nice kind.

"Please tell me?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"So how can you stand me? I'm dealing with so much hurt now. I had forgotten what I was as a child. Probably drove that…" I struggled for a bit. "You know, there are really no words to describe my contempt for Willem." I looked away to hide my tears. "Probably drove his computers crazy trying to figure out what the hell I was."

"You were my girl," he told me. "I was the one too blind to see it.

I laughed at that and some of the pain slid away.

He took my hands and looked into my eyes. "I want to tell you something, Rose, and this is the honest to God truth. If you had transitioned before Willem's interference, I would have been happy to spend time with you; get to know that side of you; love you."

I was surprised that he would make such a joke. That wasn't normal for him. I looked in his eyes and saw that he was quite serious.

What? He was serious? Oh great… more hurt. I thought about what this meant. It would have been another two hundred years together. Maybe have some kids. No. That wouldn't be good. Then our kids would have gone through 'Total Fun'. I wouldn't have wanted that.

I finally got myself under control and told him, "Let's fly that thing."

Again, he took in the way I looked. "It's up to you, Rose, but I'd love to show you off."

"People have seen a lot of me."

"People have seen you dressed up and they've seen you dressed for work, but right now, you are showing yourself completely casual. I don't think there's a more beautiful woman on the ship."

"Shall I count them off for you?"

"If someone thinks there is any woman more beautiful, they need to know that they are wrong."

I shook my head at him in exasperation. "Okay. I'll go to the park, but you'd better let me lead you. You're obviously blind, John."

"I believe you have that backward, Rose. Anyone who disagrees with me is the one who is blind." He took my hands and spoke in earnest. "You have felt this probably more than other people. You had shoved these feelings into a box where you didn't think they could hurt you, but you were wrong."

He looked down for a moment, thinking. "You asked me how I can stand you? Because I have a love for you that I never thought possible. You're hurt, I know, but you've got to stop living in the past. You have got me, and I will never leave you. Whatever happened back then, whether it was Willem or something before, it's over, never to come back."

"I'll tell you what. Come to town with me, let's start a kite fad, then let's go home and talk about the hurt, okay?"

I sighed deeply, then nodded. This wasn't the way I wanted to have a new kite memory, but it was probably my own fault.

We arrived at the park and John held the kite while I ran with it. Several people stopped walking and watched as it caught the wind and started to fly. John hurried over to me and put an arm around my waist. We had fun! Some people wondered how it was constructed. I guess they had never seen one. I brought it in and John caught it, then showed what he had done to make it. We got it airborne again, only this time I held it for him. I ran back to him and watched as he made the kite do tricks. It spun, did figure eights and soared higher and higher.

He finally reached the end of the string, and I was curious how much of a pull the wind was producing. He gave me the spool, and it was very impressive. I asked how he made it spin, and he showed me. Very soon, we were laughing at my attempts.

I finally got it to do it, but my arms were getting sore. The wind really was hard up there. I started bringing it down and John pointed across the park. I looked and giggled when I saw two kites flying and then a third one start to rise.

"You were right about starting a fad," I remarked.

He laughed and gave me a kiss.

We started home, and although I wasn't looking forward to our coming talk, I had really enjoyed myself. It was a memory I would treasure. Just enjoying being out and playing together. It's not something a girl close to a thousand years old gets to do with her husband often.