One of the strange things about dealing with a character like ‘Caesar’ in this story, and what he might consider to be total fun, is it allows my imagination to go to some very strange places, indeed.

So far, my muse isn’t giving me the silent treatment. I’m hoping that continues.

Chapter 1.9

Kari and I went with John and Marc to the command center. Carter was there, replacing some burnt out equipment. He stared at me and Kari like we were vampires, or something.

“Carter,” I asked, “Would you excuse us for a few minutes?”

We cleared the way to the door, and Carter bolted. I sat down in the chair I had once used all the time. It was strange. I could think about having once been male, but it didn’t scare me anymore. Not at all.

It was so strange. My emotions were swinging up and down. For a moment, I would be furious and despondent about Perl’s death… I suppose murder was the undeniable conclusion. The next, I was giddy and frustrated about John’s feelings for me. Giddy because of someone to spend my time with on this voyage of forever to nowhere, and frustrated, because anything physical was a virtual impossibility.

Was it my rollercoaster of emotions that was masking the fear, or was something else happening that we had no idea about?

Another idea came to my head, and as I looked at John, I became a hundred times more fearful than I had before. It had nothing to do with Caesar or his tricks. But what if this was a different swing to his play? What if the fear was disappearing, and in its place was coming attraction? If my attraction for John grew, would I be able to resist? Would we end up in bed together and hang the consequences? What if this happened to everyone? I could see a station where everyone changed sex every day, even multiple times. Was that what Caesar had in mind? Complete chaos because we wanted physical fulfilment so bad, we didn’t care what happened afterwards?

My mind was running away from me, but I had no idea what was going on, or what was likely to.

I looked at him, and he had the sweetest smile. I could feel his arms around me, our lips touching….

Suddenly, I couldn’t take it anymore. I jumped up and ran from the room. John followed, and I could hear him shouting my name as I ran to the ‘U’ corridors. I lost my footing in the shifting gravity, and tripped, falling onto the carpet. I felt the blood start to flow from one knee. “Damn,” I thought. “That’s gonna ruin these jeans.” I rolled over and looked at the hole that had been made. Already, the blood had stopped, and a layer of nanites was weaving itself across the injury.

I heard John’s footsteps as he came running into the ‘J’ walkway I was in. From my perspective, I had to look up to meet his eyes. He came partway up the curved floor and stopped.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m not him anymore,” I said. For some reason, it had never dawned on me to change my name. I had just left it. Everyone on the station knew me, and it just seemed too much trouble to get them used to a new name. There was already enough that they needed to get used to.

He knelt down, presumably so I wouldn’t get a crick in my neck looking up at him. “I’m very much aware that you aren’t ‘him’ anymore.”

"Why did you run?" he asked.

"We're in there to figure out what happened to Perl, and I can't keep my mind on that. It keeps wandering to other things… to you." I was crying again. "You really want to know, my emotions are in turmoil!"

"Is it…" he paused, clearly trying to be diplomatic.

I glanced up and realized what he was trying to say. "Not that time of month!"

"Can you come back so we can discuss the investigation?"

I shook my head. "No. I can't focus."

"Because of me?"

I gave a half smile. "Yes. Because of you."

“So what do you want to do?”

I sat up and pushed myself against the wall behind me. It wasn’t fear now. I was trying to protect myself from my own feelings. I drew my knees up and hugged them instead of him.

I shook my head. He knew how I felt, so there really wasn’t any need for me to not meet his eyes. When I did, however, I had to look away. “I’m not sure if I’m feeling the way I do because of Caesar or something else. When I became a woman, were my hormones pushed through the roof? John, I think I’m in love with you. I have been for quite some time, but I’ll be honest. If this is something from Caesar, I don’t want to be a part of it.”

I watched as he seemed to crumble. I wanted to reach out and touch him. If I’d had gloves, I would have. Again, I felt myself becoming more under some spell. I hugged my legs so tight I thought I might shatter them. I wanted to heal the hurt I saw in his face, but I wasn’t sure if I dared. Would I fall to the spell completely if I tried? I squeezed my eyes shut, and I felt tears leak out.

“John,” I finally said, “I promise you. When we get this figured out, if I still feel this way, you had better watch out. There won’t be anything that will keep me away from you.”

He managed a smile, and told me, “I will definitely hold you to that.”

---

We went back to the site of the murder. It seemed so strange to me that I would have no fear of, and such compelling feelings for, John. As I slipped some gloves onto my hands, I knelt down to look at my friend one last time. I would have preferred not to remember her like this, but we really didn’t have anyone who knew anything about solving crimes. It was up to the four of us to figure out what had happened.

“Do we know when it happened?” I asked.

“I wish I could give you an exact time, Ma’am,” the medic said, “but I’m not advanced enough in my courses. I’m really sorry.”

I looked at him, surprised. He was kneeling on the other side of the body with absolutely no appearance of fear or revulsion. I held my gloved hand out over Perl, and said to him, “Touch my hand. I’m wearing a glove, you’re in no danger.”

He did. No problem.

I held my hand up to Marc. “Marc?”

“Touch your hand?”

“Please.”

He did as well.

“Kari?”

“There’s no reason I wouldn’t touch your hand,” she said.

“No, but will you touch Marc’s?”

There was no problem there either.

“What is going on here?” the medic asked. “I shouldn’t be willing to be anywhere near you, and I’m less than a meter from you.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I should be running from here, screaming. Instead, I…. Well…” I blushed.

The medic glanced between me and John, then gave a small smile. “Got it.”

Then he did something strange. He took a small knife out of a wrapper, made a tiny puncture in a finger, then put some of the blood on a microscope slide. Next, he took out another slide and did the same with some of Perl’s. He took out a portable microscope and looked his blood.

“My nanites are still active. They shouldn’t be, though. They should have died by now.”

He switched out the slides and looked at the other. “Perl’s nanites are definitely active, but it seems as though they are slowing down.”

“Give me one of your knives,” I told him.

He handed one to me. “This is a scalpel,” he corrected me.

“Whatever,” I said as I got a bit of blood on it. “Check this against yours.”

He raised an eyebrow, then nodded as he put some of my blood on the slide with his. “They’re not interacting.”

He thought about it for a moment, then removed a glove. He held out his hand to me. “Take out your glove and touch my hand.”

“What?!!?”

He sighed. “Ma’am, this is not something I really want, but we have to know if there’s a reaction or not. This is the only way we can be sure. Besides, if there is one, I’ll just have John or Marc touch me.”

“Uh huh,” I said doubtfully. I thought about it for a few minutes. It was logical, but I still didn’t like it. I had never even accidentally changed a man to a woman, and here he was, asking me to do it deliberately. I thought about it, and realized we were right. We needed to find out, because something seemed to have removed all of our fear. He was voluntarily asking to be touched by a woman. That would NEVER have happened yesterday. I looked at him to make sure he was serious, then peeled of my glove. I grabbed a new one to use after this experiment. I was not happy.

“What’s your name?” I asked the medic.

“Randolph.”

“So Randy?” I asked.

“My family usually calls me that,” He answered.

“You realize in just a few moments it might be Brandy, right?”

He laughed, but there was a touch of nervousness in it.

John moved to behind Randy and said, “I’m going to hold your arm so you don’t put the activity into this. I’m sorry, but I don’t want you to change her into a man.”

The medic nodded. “I guessed that, Sir.”

John grabbed his upper arm, and in his eyes, I could see apprehension. As far as we knew, this had never been done before. He was going to be touching the arm of someone who may be changing.

“You don’t have to do this, John. I’ll take my chances,” I gently told him.

He shook his head.

Could I do this, not having any idea of the risks for either Randy or John? What if there was some change we hadn’t seen yet? God only knew what Caesar had arranged. I gave voice to these fears, and it didn’t change Randy’s resolve at all.

“I’m aware of the risks,” he said, "but we have to know what will happen now.”

John nodded as well. I knew there was no way I was going to dissuade him. I had seen this determination too much over the years but what if he changed too? I took a deep breath and touched Randy’s hand.

I watched, fascinated as Randy seemed to melt and reform. I knew it must have been similar with me, all those months ago. When it was done, I looked at John. I had been so interested in what was happening with Randy, that I hadn’t even glanced at this man for whom I was obviously developing feelings.