“There’s nothing to talk about. We can never be what you want us to be.”

“Why not?” he responded.

“Because I’m….”

“Yeah, you’re a guy.” he said.

I stopped. “You know?”

“Yeah I know. Now let’s get out of the cold. We can go into the all night café round the corner and talk,”

By Karin Roberts

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The next day I called Eddie and asked him if he would like to go to the party.

“Yeah I’d love to.”

“It’s not going to be a problem with your folks you going out on Christmas Eve?” I asked.

“No not at all. They were raving about you last night, how nice and sensible you were. You made a real impression on my Mum, and as I said last night your legs made an impression on my dad,” he joked.

“Ha Ha,” I said.

“So I’ll see you Friday then?”

“Yeah I’m looking forward to it already,” I said, and hanging up.

“Well is he coming?” my mother asked.

“Yes, he wants to come,” I said, heading back into the kitchen.

“Ok, I’ll call Sandy who’s looking after the tickets and order another two. I’m looking forward to it, should be a good night.”

“Yeah, well just make sure you get your cover stories right,” I said as she went to use the telephone.

On the Wednesday I was sitting at home when my mother came home early afternoon. She made herself a coffee and settled into her chair.

"I was clearing up the stuff you were wearing the other night, and came across this," she said, holding up the card for the beautician that Eddie’s mother had given me. “I think we should get our nails and eyebrows done for the party.”

“But they are permanent,” I said.

“No they're not. If we can trim them the next day no one will tell the difference and your eyebrows will grow back in. Come on, my treat! And I don’t often pamper myself, I’ll get mine done as well.”

"Well, as long as you’re sure,” I said.

“Ok. I’ll make an appointment for Friday morning.

The week passed quickly. At times it seemed that my mother was more excited than me about the coming date. As Friday dawned she was up and about early, and woke me around 9:00am with breakfast in bed.

“Looking forward to tonight dear? I am,” she said as she handed me a tray with some two bacon toasties and some fresh orange juice.

“Yeah, but I’m not looking forward to telling Eddie the truth,” I said. “I have led him on so much, that he’s going to be pretty pissed. And he will have some explaining to do to his family, now that I’ve met them.”

“Oh I’m sure he will cope. He can just tell them you fell out or something,” she said “Anyway eat up, we’ve a busy day ahead…"

Once I finished breakfast I dressed in the white lingerie we had bought during our shopping trip, and the black skirt and pink top and my black stilettos. Once dressed, my mother applied a light make up job to my face and fixed my wig. We collected our coats and were off to the beauty parlour.

Arriving about fifteen minutes later, my mother was attended to by a girl called Linda while I was paired of with Margaret; and hour later I had shaped dyed eyebrows and new false pointy nails about half an inch longer than my finger tips. Leaving the salon we made our way to a local coffee shop where we had a coffee and a cigarette before heading home to prepare for tonight.

For the rest of the day we prepared food for Christmas dinner and generally tidied up around the house, me finding it difficult to handle things with my new longer nails. My mother sent me to have a bath and start to get ready around 4 p.m.

“Remember and use my hair loss cream.” she said as I stepped into the bathroom. I soaked in the bath for around half an hour before returning to my room to start and get ready.

My Mother had left lingerie for tonight lying on the bed. A black lacy under wired bra which was strapless and black lacy panties, neither of which I remember us buying, and a fresh pack of what the packet said was to hold up stockings.

Taping up my dick between my legs, I pulled on the panties and bra before the usual process of gluing my breast forms in place and encasing them in the under wired bra, producing an ample visible cleavage. I opened the pack of stockings, which seemed thinner and glossier than normal, and carefully rolled them up my legs before I settled the gummed lacy top on my thighs. Putting my dressing gown back on I crossed over into my mother’s room.

“Where did this stuff come from?” I asked as I opened my dressing gown.

“Oh that’s just a couple of items I bought on the way home yesterday. Do you like them?”

“Yes,” I said, “But isn't it a bit of a waste of money for one night?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll wash the lingerie and take it back after Christmas, make out it was too small and get the money back. Now sit down. Because remember, I need to get myself ready as well.”

After the application of foundation and powder my eyes were done in a dark wine and pink eye shadow with a purple eyeliner and mascara, my lips were coated with a rich wine lipstick, and some lip gloss applied to give them some sheen. The party dress that my mother had so insisted on buying during our shopping trip hung on a hanger on the closet door. Taking it out of the protective sleeve I slid down the zip and stepped into it.

“Can you help me with the zip?” I asked.

Sliding the bodice over my cleavage, my mother stood behind me and slowly pulled the zip up. "Let’s get your shoes and the wig on, and then you can see the finished article."

I sat back at the dresser and my mother pulled out the wig. She had obviously been working on it because turning it into a cascade of blonde curls. Finally she handed me the pair of shoes that she had bought on impulse after seeing this dress. I opened the box to find a pair of black five inch spike heels with a gold metal heel.

“They are lovely,” I said.

“Yeah I thought they would really suit the dress.”

Stepping into them they were surprisingly comfortable and easy to walk in. A selection of jewellery had been left out for me. A solid choker around one inch high, which I fastened to my neck. I’m not sure what type of stones were in it but they were like clear glass. There was a matching bracelet and a gold watch, and a pair of chandelier-type earrings, very similar in style to the type of thing the women in the TV programmes Dynasty and Dallas might have worn around that time.

Sitting by the dresser, my mother painted my nails in a matching rich wine shade. Waiting for them to dry, my mother went to the bathroom to begin to dress herself. About five minutes later with my nails now dry, I went to take a look in the mirror to see what I looked like.

I was amazed! The dress was absolutely stunning, and the young girl inside it was just as stunning. Leaving the bedroom I called to my mother that I was going downstairs to get a drink.

“O.k. dear, I’ll be down in about 15 minutes,”

I went downstairs and uncorking a bottle of white wine I poured myself a large glass. Taking out a fresh packet of cigarettes I pulled one out and placed it between my lips. Flicking my lighter, the narrow flame appeared and I lit the cigarette. I was now becoming rather nervous. This was the night I had to confess all, how would he react? Would he be angry, blow up and make a scene? I had helped him after all; but God's sake I had sucked his cock dry, and I was a bloke in real life. I sat down taking a large drink of wine to calm my nerves and smoked my cigarette, quick crushing out the remains of it in the ashtray.

A couple of minutes later the doorbell rang. Shit, who was that?

Placing my glass on the table I walked out into the hall. As quietly as possible I called upstairs, “Mum someone’s at the door.”

“Well just answer it. I will be down in a couple of minutes,” she replied. I walked towards the door and nervously opened it. There stood a guy in his mid forties, about six feet tall.

“Can I help you,” I asked.

“Oh you must be Nikki, Carole’s daughter,” he said.

“Eh yeah,” I stammered.

“I’m Robert. Carole’s date, for tonight.”

I stood in silence for a few seconds, wondering what the hell was going on. “Oh yes, you better come in.”

“You are looking stunning tonight, dear. Your Mother’s description of you does not do you justice,” he said.

“Eh thanks” I replied, all the time thinking she had been discussing me as Nikki with this guy. Showing him into the lounge I asked, “Would you like a drink?”

“A beer would be good," he said, and I went to the fridge to get him one. Returning I handed him the bottle and a glass.

“I’ll just see if she’s ready yet. Have a seat,” I said as I left the room and proceeded upstairs.

My mother was still in the bathroom, so I spoke quietly through the door to her, “What the hell’s going on? You said that a girl from work was going with you! And why have you been discussing me as Nikki with this guy?”

“Keep your wig on,” she replied. “Anne had to pull out at the last minute. I did not want you to go alone, and Robert’s been asking me out for ages. It's only a one off. It’s not as if I’m going to get serious about him.”

“But what if he mentions your daughter at work when they all know you have a son?”

“He won’t. He doesn't work with me; he runs the coffee shop where I get my lunch sometimes. Now go down and keep him company for a couple of minutes. I’ll be down in five.”

I went back downstairs and into the lounge. “She’ll be down in a couple of minutes,” I said picking up my cigarettes and taking one for the packet.

“Here let me,” he said as he produced a lighter from his pocket and flicked it into life for me. Placing the tip in the flame I inhaled. I removed it from my mouth, saying, “Thanks.”

“So who is this boyfriend of yours, and how long have you known him?” he asked.

“Eddie.” I replied, “eh only a couple of months.”

"Is it serious?" he asked. He was getting nosy.

“No it’s kind of complicated. I don’t know if it will last much longer,” I said as I sat down and picked up my glass of wine and took a sip. “So how do you know Mum?”

“Oh she comes into my coffee shop, you know. Lunchbox, in the High Street. I’ve been trying to get her to come out with me one time for a while now.”

I nodded acknowledging that I new where it was. Taking a long draw on my cigarette I inhaled craning my head upwards I blew a long thin stream of smoke towards the ceiling. Suddenly I was aware of Robert’s gaze falling on my chest as I did so. A minute later my Mother stepped into the room. She was looking better than she had for years; with the tight red dress she had bought, a pair of five inch red stilettos very similar to mine, and a wrap round silk lacy shawl over her shoulder. She had put her hair up in a much more modern style and was wearing far more make up than I think I had ever seen her wear before.

Robert got up to greet her. “You look gorgeous, Carole.”

“Thanks. You look well yourself,” she replied as he gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

“You look great Mum,” I said from the chair.

“Thanks dear. I think we’ve got time for one drink before we need to leave,” she said, taking my glass and pouring another glass of wine for me and one for herself. “Would you like another beer Robert?”

“No I’m fine with this,” he replied. She sat down and picked up her ciggies, and as with me Robert was quickly on the scene to offer her a light.

We sat and chatted for about ten minutes, me explaining to Robert that I was at college doing Admin, and my mother telling him about her work. Just as chit chat was running a bit dry there was the sound of a car horn outside.

"That’ll be the cab! Nikki your gloves and coat are on the bed," she said, "Bring mine down as well.”

I picked up my bag and went upstairs to collect the jackets. On my bed I was shocked to find a short white fur coat along with my long black satin evening gloves. Pulling them on, they reached the middle of my upper arm. Crossing the landing I found a black fur coat the same length as mine, which I picked up and took downstairs. Handing it to my mother she put it on, and we went out to the waiting cab.

It was a short cab ride to The Tavern Inn where the party was being held, and as we pulled up I spotted Eddie standing near the entrance. He looked really smart in a black suit with a light mauve shirt and tie. My mother and I stepped out of the cab as Robert paid the driver and I walked over to Eddie. He had a huge smile on his face as I approached.

“You look a million dollars,” he said, leaning forward and kissing my cheek.

“You look smart yourself. Shall we go in?” I asked.

He took my arm and let me to the entrance. Finding our reserved table the four of us sat down. Robert summoned the waitress and to my horror it turned out to be Angela, one of the gang from school. She approached and took the order.

All the time I felt as if her eyes were boring into me, but she made no comment and left to get the drinks. I gently kicked Eddie under the table and gestured my eyes in Angela’s direction. He reached over, took my gloved hand and gently gave it a reassuring squeeze, mouthing silently, "Don't worry it will be o.k."

Returning with the bottle of champagne, Angela put the ice bucket on the table and left four glasses. I was sure she winked at me as she turned and left.

The night had got off to an uncertain start for me, but after a couple of glasses of champagne I was beginning to relax. My mother offered me a cigarette, which I took and lit with my lighter. Both me and her were chatting, me explaining about Angela quietly and her reassuring me. Eddie and Robert were talking football amongst themselves as another bottle of champagne arrived. As both of us gently inhaled on our cigarette at the same time, I saw Robert look across at Eddie and say, “Eddie my man, what luck guys we are to be sitting here with the two most beautiful women in this hall.”

“I could not agree more Robert. We are the luckiest men alive!”

“Quit it you couple of flatterers; and take these girls up to dance,” grinned my mum, crushing out her cigarette. Robert offered her his hand and led her to the floor, as did Eddie to me, and we closely followed.

My head was spinning as we danced slowly to the band; whether it was the effects of the champagne, or the closeness of Eddie---the touch as his hand where it supported my bare back as we danced around the floor---or if it was the secret I had to reveal to him before the end of the night…

The night went quickly and in no time at all we were on the countdown to Christmas. As the assembled group counted down from ten we sat counting with them, hand in hand with each other waiting on the clock chiming. As the hour arrived the general greetings went from person to person, handshakes and kisses traded between friends and strangers, as is custom. In time all settled down and once again we returned as a group to the dance floor.

A slow dance was playing and Eddie held me close, my head lightly resting on his shoulder. He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. I responded at first but then gently pulled back.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Look, we need to talk. And I need the toilet. Meet me outside in the entrance lounge in about five minutes,” I said as I slipped out of his arms, and picking up my bag went to the ladies room.

I could not miss the sight of my mother and Robert kissing strongly and passionately out on the dance floor as I went into the toilet. Inside, I slipped into one of the stalls and took deep breath. Now was the time. Finishing my business I touched up my make—up and went out the other exit into the entrance lounge. Eddie was not out yet, so I took out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling nervously. As I waited for him to arrive I gazed out of the window at the lightly falling snow.

The scene would have been really romantic if we had been a normal couple but we were not. Unaware of Eddie’s approach, I knew nothing until his two hands slipped onto my waist and his lips gently kissed my neck. “Hi gorgeous, what did you want to talk about?”

I stepped away from him. Dropping the cigarette, I crushed it out with the toe of my shoe. I began, “Eddie I need to tell you something. It’s about me, and it’s difficult. I do care about you and would never want anything to happen to you, but we can’t be together at least not in the way you think.”

“Why not?” he asked.

“Well you know that me and you getting together was a set up.”

“Yes.”

“Well there’s more to it than that you see, I’m-” I stopped.

“You're what?”

"I’m-” At that point he put a finger to my lips and I stopped again.

“Wait,” he said as his hand came from behind his back and produced a small box. Opening it, I saw a gold ring split into two narrow bands, at the top of which was mounted a rather large diamond. He said, “This is for you. I want us to get engaged.”

I stood transfixed like a rabbit in headlights for a few seconds, tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I pushed past him and quickly went to the cloak room. Collecting my fur jacket I slipped it on and made my way towards the door as quickly as I could in these high heels. As I walked down the steps and crossed the car park out on to the main road I heard Eddie call, “Nikki come back! Please, we can talk about it.”

Tears began to flow as I continued my flight down the street and away from the inn.

As I walked down the road I realised that it probably was not safe to be out walking at this time, dressed as sexily as I was and in drag. I really should have got a cab but there were none in sight so I continued to walk, heading back in the direction of home.

I had gone another 100 yards when I heard the sound of some drunken revellers coming to meet me. It sounded like a mixed group but I had no wish to meet them. Besides the fact that I was a guy in drag they would probably notice that I had been crying, as my mascara had run down my face. Not wishing to come into contact with them I ducked into a bus shelter and waited for them to pass.

They passed by the back of the shelter, not noticing me. I stayed put, lighting a cigarette and waiting for them to move off. As I calmed down my heart rate began to slow. This had gone way too far, I thought.

I was just about getting ready to leave when I heard footsteps approach. Backing into the shelter 'til they went away, I waited. As they got nearer they stopped, and suddenly Eddie appeared at the entrance.

“Go away Eddie,” I said.

“No. We need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. We can never be what you want us to be.”

“Why not?” he responded.

“Because I’m….”

“Yeah, you’re a guy.” he said.

I stopped. “You know?”

“Yeah I know. Now let’s get out of the cold. We can go into the all night café round the corner and talk,” he said reaching for my hand. I refused but followed him anyway.

As we entered the café they must have wondered what the hell we were doing there all dressed in our evening clothes. The clientele that were present, a couple of down and outs sheltering from the cold over a cup of warm coffee, and a trio of taxi drivers enjoying a break before going back out on the road. I went straight to the ladies room to touch up my make —up, and Eddie went to the counter to get served.

Having fixed up my face, I returned to the café and found that Eddie was seated in a remote booth away from the other customers, with two piping hot mugs of coffee. I sat down beside him. Opening my bag I took out my cigarettes and lit one.

He began, “After our last night together I just could not get you out of my mind, so I decided that on my first return from university I would get in touch with you. The trouble was that you told me you stayed in Hamilton, and I went to look for you. I walked the street each day hoping that I would spot you, but of course I couldn't find you.

"Then by chance I happened to bump into Angela. Now although she was part of the group any time I met her alone she was always nice to me, so I plucked up the courage to ask where I could find you. She told me the whole story about who you really were and that you were in fact Craig. I was shocked at first, but the longer I thought about it the less I cared and the more I just wanted to see Nikki again. You see, I have never been popular with girls but we gelled from the first minute, and I know you’re not a real girl but the thing is I still love you. I’ve thought about you constantly. I’ve missed you your company your kindness, your touch, your sense of humour- everything! I just needed you back.”

Stopping him, I said, “Yes, but what about our families? Your Mum and Dad, my Mother; what are they going to think?”

“Do they need to know? Your Mother seems quite cool about it. When I went to see her I told how I felt, and some of the things we had done like kissing, et cetera. I didn’t tell her about the last night, but she agreed to float the idea with you and see if you would play ball, and you have. And as for my Mother she’s done nothing but talk about you since we went for that meal. 'When are you seeing Nikki again? When are you going to bring her over?'”

Taking my hand he said, “Look, you’ve had your nails done your eyebrows done. Doesn’t that tell you something? That you like being Nikki, and furthermore you like being with me?”

“I need to go to the loo. Hang I’ll be back in a minute,” I said. Excusing myself and walking towards the toilet I went in, my mind deep in thought.

I stood looking into the mirror at the reflection staring back at me. A couple of things were beginning to fall into place now. My mother’s enthusiastic approach to our shopping, the salon visit, the introduction to Robert …..… It was as if she was pushing me in the direction of being Nikki. But is that where I wanted to go? I certainly liked being with Eddie, and I had cooperated with everything right from way back in the beginning with Gordy and Lesley. Nothing had been refused, every change they had implemented I went along with showing little resistance. But why?

I opened my bag and took out my lipstick. Rolling it up I applied some more of the deep wine lipstick on my lips. Smacking them once---as I had learned to do---I was finished. I began brushing out my hair.

Eddie was right, I did like being Nikki. The attention I got, the looks from men and the enviable looks I got from women were something that I had subconsciously noted but not really thought about. I sprayed some perfume on my neck and wrists and some on my cleavage, another clearly feminine gesture that I had learned over the last few weeks. When not dressed as Nikki I had even found myself standing like a girl, with slightly bent knee, and crossing my legs when I sat down. Closing my bag I went back out into the café.

I returned to the booth. Once I was seated, I lit another cigarette and looked at Eddie. He had the same look in his eyes as before he knew I was Craig, the same smile as he looked into my eyes.

“This is crazy. We could never pull this off forever,” I said.

“Yes we can,” he replied. “Nikki I need you, I want you with me.”

“But what about sex?” I whispered.

“Sex isn’t everything. We get on well; we enjoy each other’s company. That’s enough for me.”

“Is it? You're sure?”

“I would not be sitting here if it wasn’t,” he said. His hand moved towards his pocket and once again produced the jewellery box. Opening it once more he said, “Well what’s it to be? Will you be my partner Nikki?”

Before I could stop myself the answer was “Yes”, and he put the ring on my finger.

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To Be Continued...