Chapter 17

We were delayed leaving Aunt Julia’s as I wouldn’t leave the house without first removing the nail varnish from my fingernails. Julia found some remover and cotton pads and left me to remove the varnish as she got Emily ready and locked up.

As I removed the varnish from each finger I wondered how Nan was doing. I prayed she would be ok. I loved my Nan. She had always been around for mum and me since I was a baby. I started to well up as I thought of all the good times I had spent with Nan and Granddad.

Unfortunately Granddad had passed away two years ago and I missed him terribly. Nan hadn’t been the same since Granddad died and it was obvious she missed him a lot.

Mum and I had lost touch with my dads parents since dad upped and left mum for another woman when I was three years old. I wondered where he was now. I didn’t feel anything for him although I did often wonder what he was doing now and did I possibly have any stepbrothers and sisters.

Julia’s voice brought me out of my daydreaming “come on you. Stop dilly dallying. Let’s get a move on before the rain starts again"

Before we left I asked Julia to take my earrings out of my ears, however she said that it best that I leave them in although she did agree to change the large hoops for tiny gold studs. My ears stung as she swapped the earrings.

Before finally setting off for the shops I popped next door and left a note on the kitchen table for mum telling her where I was going to be.

Once Emily was strapped in Julia’s car we set of for the shopping centre. The same shopping centre where my photos had been taken only three days before. I wondered whether mum had picked the photos up. I mentioned the photos to Julia and she said we should visit the photographers to see whether they were ready to be collected. Despite my arguments Julia’s mind was made up, as she was keen to see the photos

“But mum probably hasn’t paid for them yet” I stated

“That's ok. I can pay for them and your mum can pay me back later. Anyway if they are good I might even get a copy of a photo or two for myself “Julia happily replied

There was obviously no way I was going to of change Aunt Julia’s mind once she had made a decision. Poor old Martin I thought having to grow up with Julia’s strong will. I thought Mum was the opposite and realised she was in fact quite relaxed really.

When we got to the shopping centre I told Julia that I would stay in the car and look after Emily whilst she shopped. Julia wouldn't agree to my suggestion and said that she would be gone too long and was worried that I wouldn’t be able to cope with Emily as she was due another feed soon.

Despite my protestations I eventually lost the argument and a little while later we were walking through the mall. I was pushing Emily and I had put the hood up on my jacket to hide my stupid hair

Julia looked to me and tutted “Joe pull your hood down. You look silly with it up”

‘But then everyone can then see my hair” I argued

“So what are they going to see? It looks ok to me” Julia responded somewhat annoyed

“It looks too girly. I will keep it up”

“No you won’t. Don’t be silly. You are bringing attention to yourself by having the hood up. Now take it down now. Your hair doesn’t look girly at all,” Julia told me whilst looking around her embarrassed

I thought why is she looking embarrassed. I’m the one with the curly hair. Julia obviously wasn’t going to take no for an answer so I sheepishly pulled the hood down and we continued walking towards the shops with me deliberately keeping my head down trying not to be noticed.

The first point of call was Marks and Spencer’s where Julia told me she wanted to return some clothes for a refund. There was a fairly short queue and as we waited Julia announced that she needed to pop to the toilet quickly and asked whether I would hold our place in the queue whilst she was gone

“How long are you going to be Aunt Julia? What if I get to the front before you get back? I worryingly asked

“Oh you are a worrier love. I will only be gone a few minutes. The toilets are only over there” she said pointing to the toilets about 30 feet away.

“If I'm not back by the time you get to the front, tell the lady that I want a full refund on the clothes in the bag. The receipts are in the bag love," Julia said whilst handing me a M&S plastic carrier bag

Before I had a chance to respond Julia had turned on her heels and headed for the toilets

My heart beat hard as I was left in the queue with Emily and the bag of clothes. Emily didn’t seem phased and simply gurgled up at me as I nervously smiled back

“Is it a boy or a girl” I heard a voice

Turning to an elderly woman behind me I replied “sorry?”

“Your baby. Is it a boy or girl?” She asked as she bent down to have a good look at Emily

“Oh eh she’s a girl. Emily is a girl” I stuttered in return

“She’s such a cutie aren’t you little one” she said gushingly as she grabbed hold off Emily’s little mittened fingers

“How old is she?”

“7 months” I replied, recalling Julia telling me

“She looks a lot like you young lady. Is she your first?” She beamed at me

“Err, err” I tried to respond as Mrs. nosy continued talking

“You girls start families so young now. My Granddaughter Becky is just the same. She is only 19 and she already has a one year old baby boy. I guess it beats going to ……” she carried on talking as I just stood there nodding and shaking my head hopefully in the right places to her probing questions desperately hoping Julia would return soon.

I caught sight of myself in a full length mirror as Mrs. nosy continued to probe. Although I was dressed as a guy my hair, earrings and Julia’s coat told another story. To the unknowing eye I was a young girl whose hair looked a mess and a girl who hadn’t taken much pride in her appearance that day. My face was bright red from being not only hot but also from blushing by being in this embarrassing situation.

The lady continued to rant on until thankfully I reached the front of the queue and was summoned over by the shop girl

"Next please"

I was still looking for Julia as I made my way slowly to the tills

“Hello Miss. How may I help you today” asked the young girl who was not much older than me.

I looked at the pretty shop assistant in her smart uniform and thought to myself what is wrong with everyone? Could they not see I was a boy?

“Erm can I get a refund on these things” I said whilst handing over the bag to the girl

The girl carefully pulled clothing out of the bag

“Can I please ask why you are returning the dress and blouse Miss. Did they not fit? ” She queried whilst laying the clothes on the counter

“Oh, erm, eh I’m not sure they are my aunts and she asked me to return them for her” I nervously answered

“Have you a receipt Miss?” She asked just as Julia came into view

Relieved I nervously asked “Aunt Julia where’s the receipt?” I shouted

Julia smiled at the shop girl and raised her eyebrows “There in the bag Joe. I did tell you”

Julia took over and explained to the shop girl that the garments hadn’t fitted her when she had tried them on.

As the girl was carrying out the refund transaction Mrs. Nosy touched Julia on the arm to get her attention

“ I was saying to your daughter that her baby is so cute. I bet you are so proud of them both”

Julia proudly smiled back at the lady

"Oh thank you so much. Yes Joanne is so blessed to have given birth to our little Emily"

She motioned to me and jokingly told Mrs Nosy

" My Joanne is such a lucky girl. She has nearly got her figure back already, although you would never guess with her wearing that big coat of hers” Julia teased whilst winking at me

Mrs nosy nodded at Julia's comment and looking to me said

“ She looks like she has a lovely figure although I can't understand why girls her age dress down so much. If I was her age and had her figure I would be proudly showing it off"

"Your daughter would look so much better in a nice skirt rather than those jeans she is wearing” she disapprovingly gestured to my legs as if I didn't have a say in the matter

I was so relieved when the girl on the counter refunded Julia’s money as we bid Mrs Nosy goodbye and made our escape.

“What took you so long?” I frustratingly asked Julia as we walked away

“What's the problem? I had a quick look around the underwear department whilst I was over in that area. I picked up a couple of things that were on in the sale,” Julia gestured to a bag she was carrying “You and Emily were ok weren’t you?"

Before I could respond Julia joked, “come on my new daughter. Lets go and get a coffee. We need to feed Emily”

We left the store and made our way along the mall to a small bakery where we found a table

As we sat down Julia pulled at the arm of the coat I wore “Take off your coat Joe. You look really hot,”

“ I am hot Aunt Julia however I can’t take the coat off. I have your jumper on underneath remember,” I replied embarrassed

“So what. You look fine in it” Julia disregarded my concerns out of hand

“I would if I was a girl. I’m a boy if you have forgotten” I whispered back

“Oh don’t be silly. Already today everyone thinks you are a girl. So what difference does it make? Just go with the flow”

“Aunt Julia” I gasped “go with the flow? It's easy for you to say. If I take off the jacket everyone will see I’m a boy as I am flat chested,” I replied frustratingly point to my chest

Julia giggled “Oh I forgot about that. Well you can’t wear the coat all afternoon otherwise you will pass out. I have an idea. Take the bag and go to the ladies and put on one of the bras that I have just bought. Hopefully they should fit you. We are about the same size honey” Julia directed me whilst handing me the Marks and Spencer bag

‘You better use the ladies otherwise you will get some funny looks. You know what to do” she brushed me off as the waitress came over to take our order

I stood there for a moment not knowing what to do and Julia’s motioning face told me to do as she had asked

Why I agreed I don’t know. I did as I was told in a cubicle within the ladies toilet. I took of the jacket, jumper and my tee shirt and looked in the bag. In the bag were a black bra, a pink bra and a multiple pack of tights.

I picked out the pink bra and put it on. I chose the pink one, as I knew the black bra would show through the sweater. I left the tags on the little bra as I thought Julia might want to take it back.

I was feeling hot and therefore left my tee shirt off and only put the sweater back on. I put my tee shirt in the bag and after a quick pee left the cubicle and looked at myself in the toilet mirror.

As I looked in the mirror all I could see was a young girl with a tight sweater on that showed the outline of a bra underneath that obviously hid her small breasts. I pulled the coat back on to hide my upper half and returned flustered to Julia

“There you are. I was going to send out a search party. Why have you still got the jacket on?” Julia asked

I explained to Julia about my lack of breasts and she laughed, “Oh baby. Have your coffee. We can sort that out in a little while. At least undo your jacket. You are getting funny looks Joe"

I looked around embarrassed and saw that no one was looking at me but decided to say nothing

During our break I bottle fed Emily with her mums expressed milk and somehow forgot about my worries as I lovingly looked down at the adorable baby in my arms

“You are such a natural Joe” Julia again told me whilst watching Emily and I interact

Natural what? I thought to myself as someone spoke

“ Can I join you ladies?” I looked up and to my surprise saw Martin standing there impeccably dressed in a sharp suit and tie

Julia got up and hugged Martin before gesturing him to sit down “ Hello darling. Yes sit down. Jo’s just feeding Emily. I was just saying she’s a natural" Julia gushed adoringly to her only son

I didn’t miss the reference to she however I couldn't be bothered to respond and instead I gave a weak smile, blushed and continued to look down at my charge Emily

‘Fancy seeing you here Martin” I almost spat at Martin knowing full well that Julia must have been behind his sudden appearance in the cafe.

“Yeah its my lunch break and I often come in here for a snack” he less than convincingly replied

“Well fancy that” I sarcastically responded before turning to Julia and giving her a knowing look

“You look nice Joe. I like your sweater” he motioned to my semi open jacket

I was about to respond when Julia spoke for me “ actually I am glad you’re here. Could you look after Emily for five minutes? I need to sort something out with Joanne”

‘No probs mum” Martin hestitatedly replied as Julia took Emily from me and dumped her in Martin’s arms “just don’t be too long. Babies and me don’t get on" Martin grimaced.

Julia gently grabbed my wrist “come on missy. Bring your bag” she motioned to her plastic bag on the floor at my feet

I was nigh on dragged to the toilet where Julia set about me “ right get that bloody coat off. Let's give you some boobs Jo" she giggled

A few minutes later Julia had pulled the tags off the pink bra I was wearing as she said they could be seen through my tight sweater. She plumped out the bra cups with some of the new tights she had just bought and then adjusted the straps upon my shoulders.

I looked in the mirror at my new breasts when Julia told me to pucker up

“Pucker what” I started to say as she set about applying lipgloss to my lips

“Aunt Julia what are you doing. I can’t be seen like this,” I protested as she then set about my hair

“Look Jo, face up to it. There is no way anyone is going to think you’re a boy today. The lady in the queue even thought you were a mummy. Just go with the flow whilst we are out. You never know you might even enjoy yourself sweetheart”

In a state of shock I didn’t know what to say so kept quiet as Julia started creating a modern hairdo better suited to a girl of my age. She pulled my hair behind one ear, which showed of two of my earrings and on the other side of my face she swept the hair partially over one eye.

No sooner had she completed styling my hair, she was sweeping the same hair back from my face to apply mascara to my upper and lower eyelashes.

When Julia had finished with the mascara she stroked some blusher on my cheeks before dousing my hair with lacquer as she primped my hair to her satisfaction.

When she had finished she sprayed me with some sweet smelling perfume

“Oh that’s so much better Jo. You really are such a pretty thing” she said whilst admiring her work

“Aunt Julia eh” I was unable to speak as I looked in the mirror and only saw a young girl looking back at me. The tight sweater I wore accentuated my breasts and you could still see the outline of my thin bra straps and the lace on the cups through the thin sweater. The woolen sweater felt itchy and I wished I had kept my tee shirt on

‘Come on. Martin will be wondering where we have got to,” she said whilst picking up her bags and my coat

In a daze I followed her back to the cafe where Martin was trying to console a sobbing Emily. Two of the cafe waitresses were also trying to calm Emily down however it was quite apparent that she was having none of it

As I walked towards her she held her arms out to me whilst sobbing her heart out. I took her in my arms and almost in an instance she stopped crying

“Aww how cute. She wanted her mummy” one of the waitresses smiled at me

Emily put her arms around my neck and held me tightly. I knew I was again going bright red not for the first time that day

Martin looked at me with a huge smile and said teasingly “She’s terrible when Joanne’s not around. She loves her mummy so much”

I could have killed him and was about to respond when he spoke again “ although Grandma is going to have her tonight as Joanne and me are having a night off and are going to the cinema. Aren’t you grandma?” Martin joked

Without a pause Julia played along with Martin's game

“ I am, although we need to get a move on if you are to go anywhere tonight. Joanne wants a new outfit to wear don’t you sweetheart and she needs to get home to breastfeed Emily and express some milk before you can even think of a night out

I stood there speechless as the young waitresses looked on admiringly as Martin pecked me and Emily each on the forehead before he left leaving me in a dazed state.

Chapter 18

As I watched Martin and the waitress's walk away Julia tapped me on the hand waking me from my daydreaming

" Come on my girl. We need to find you something nice to wear for your date with Martin tonight. I was thinking a nice tunic dress that all of you teenage girls seem to be wearing these days "

"Oh I don't know Aunt Julia. Can we please just go home? I have a really bad headache," I pleaded

"Are you ok Joanne? Do you want one of my Midol? Is it your time of the month love?" Julia teased however her voice did sound compassionate nevertheless.

"I will be ok I think I just need to have a lie down. I am a little worried about Nan and also wonder how mum is coping. A lot has happened over the last few days" I said as I automatically got up from my seat and picked Emily up from her pram to put on her coat, mittens and cute little hat.

Julia gave me a look of concern and smiled however didn't initially say anything as she observed me take care of Emily. When Emily was wrapped up ready for the cold and after I had returned her to her snuggly pram Julia spoke.

"You know Joanne you have wonderful maternal instincts for someone so young. You instinctively know how to look after Emily. Come on I have a few more things to get and then we can get you and Emily home."

I followed behind Julia as she stopped off at three more shops. To save time and to avoid the difficulty of maneuvering Emily's pram through the narrow isles of the stores I waited outside as Julia completed her shopping

An hour slowly passed before Julia announced she was done. As I pushed Emily through the mall to the car park Julia cursed out loud

"Damn! We have forgotten to pick up your photos from the photographers"

I groaned "Aunt Julia. Can we collect them another day? The shop is at the other end of the mall and I really don't feel that well" I exclaimed stretching the truth somewhat as all I wanted to do was get home and out of the clothes I wore. As I spoke I felt my bra straps cut into my shoulders.

"OK love, we can collect them another day. Let's get you home." Julia replied whilst giving me a big warm hug

On the way home neither Julia nor I said very much as we were both in our own thoughts. I wasn't sure what Aunt Julia was thinking, however I was thinking of how I could possibly get out of going to the cinema with Martin tonight. Although I wanted to spend time with Martin I wasn't sure how I thought of doing so as Joanne/Lucy. I was so confused with my feelings.

Baby Emily didn't seem to have a care in the world as she slept in her baby seat on the back seat of the car. I wished I could swap with her and not have a care in the world.

The silence ended as Julia asked me how my driving lessons were going.

"Yes not bad I think. Mum might say otherwise however I am really happy and can't wait to take my test although mum says I am not ready for it just yet."

Julia laughed. "Your uncle David will have a moan if you pass. He already thinks there are too many women drivers on the road! He is always moaning about my driving," she chuckled to herself. Did Aunt Julia truly believe me to be a woman? This was getting a little surreal.

I smiled uncomfortably and returned to my thoughts as Julia rambled on all the way home.

When we arrived back home and without being asked I carefully unstrapped Emily's car seat and carried her back into Julia's house, trying my best not to wake the cutest thing I had ever held.

After lowering Emily into her cot I whispered to Julia that I was going to go home and lie down.

"Are you ok love? You do look a little off colour. Do you want me to get you anything?"

"No I am fine Aunt Julia. I will be fine after a couple of hours sleep," I replied just wanting to escape to the sanctuary of my own home.

"If you are sure love. Are you going to be well enough to go on your date with Martin tonight? Do you want me to sort something out for you to wear? Perhaps a nice skirt and blouse? I have a lovely silk camisole top that would really look good on you," she gushed.

"I am not sure Aunt Julia. I will see whether I am up to it later once I have had a sleep. I will let Martin know later."

"OK love. Thanks for helping me out with Emily today. You were a real godsend. I don't think she would have stopped crying if it wasn't for you."

She smiled towards the beautifully cute sleeping Emily.

"She is wonderful Aunt Julia. Your sister is so lucky to have such a sweet daughter," I whispered as I gently kissed Emily on the forehead.

"Well she is always looking for babysitters Jo so you can see a lot more of her if you want. Its obvious that Emily prefers you to her Auntie Julia," Julia grinned

I smiled and said goodbye and before leaving I got another big cuddle and kiss on the cheek from Julia.

As I was taking the key out of my front door and entering the hall to my house the phone started ringing and I ran to the lounge as fast as I could.

"Hello"

"Oh hi Joe." It was mum on the other end of the phone. "I just thought I would give you a call and give you an update on Nan."

"How is she mum. Is she ok?" I asked nervously.

"Yes love she seems to be more comfortable now. They have moved her to a ward and she is under observation. Aunt Heather and I are staying with her until later tonight when hopefully we will know more about what caused the pains."

"Oh that's great news mum. Do they know what caused her chest pains?" I asked concerned.

"No they don't love. They are still running tests. She will be ok. You know what a fighter your Grandma is" Mum reassured me and in doing so was probably trying to reassure herself.

"Give her my love mum. I hope she isn't in too much pain."

"You can give her your own love later Joe. She wants to see you"

I panicked "WHAT MUM! I can't see Nan with my hair and eyebrows like this. She will think I have totally lost it," I cried looking at my reflection in the mirror above the fireplace. Looking back was a cute teenage girl who looked nothing like a grandson called Joe.

"Calm down dear. It's ok I have told her about your escapades over the last few days and it really cheered her up no end. She thinks you are wonderfully brave and would like to see her Granddaughter Joanne before she disappears."

"Disappears Mum? Nan is going to be ok isn't she," I screamed.

Mum laughed. "Your Nan's not going anywhere silly. I was talking about you, Joanne possibly disappearing. So can you please ask another favour of poor old Auntie Julia?"

"What do you want me to ask her mum?" I nervously queried.

"Can you ask her whether she can drop you off at the hospital at say 6.30 tonight? Please ask her to sort out your hair and make up. You can wear your work skirt and blouse if you can't find anything else to wear love."

"But mum I," I started to protest whilst playing with the strap of my bra through the itchy sweater.

Mum cut me off and appruptly told me "No buts Joanne. It will really cheer your Nan up for her to see you. Aunt Heather is also looking forward to meeting her new Niece. Anyway got to go. I will meet you in the hospital reception at 6.30. See you later love. Love you lots"

Before I could protest mum had put the phone down and I was left listening to a single tone on the phone in a complete daze.

End of chapter 18

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Hope you all have a lovely Christmas, Lucy XX