After what I guessed to be 30 seconds of feeling sorry for myself and weeping Aunt Heather pulled back the curtain to the dressing room cubicle and asked, “you ok JoJo?”

Trying to hold back my tears my voice trembled as I looked up at Heather as she pulled the curtain across to give us some privacy

“I'm so confused. I don't know why I'm so emotional. I don't hate Martin. At least I don’t think I do. I don't know what I want anymore”
“Do you want to go to the wedding Jo?” Heather asked “you should go hon. You will really enjoy yourself. Wearing that dress, you will look stunning”

Looking up at Heather from the bench seat that I had thrown myself down onto I replied” it’s a bit over the top auntie. I feel a right lemon wearing this. What must Martin think of me? He must think me strange” I protested whilst playing with the hem of the pleated skirt

Aunt Heather crouched down and taking my hands in hers told me “He doesn't think you are weird darling. He wouldn't have hardly asked you to be his date at the wedding if he didn't want to take you babe. He's lucky that you are even considering being his plus one. As for the dress Jo, it really suits you. It’s perfect for a wedding and you look so grown up wearing it. With just a few accessories, Martin won't be able to take his eyes off you”

“I don't want his attention auntie. I'm a boy, he's a boy. It's wrong, he should be taking a girl to the wedding” I objected

A smiling Heather gently brushed my manicured fingers and sought to reassure me” Darling from what I can see he will be taking a girl. A gentle sweet girl who is just unsure of herself. When I was your age kiddo I too had plenty of insecurities and didn't think I was good enough. Nanny and your Mum gave me the confidence to overcome my concerns and start dating boys. After a few nervous dates I became more and more confident. You just need that boost to your confidence darling. Whatever you want to be in life Jo, you can be it honey, you just have to grab it”

I gently sobbed as Heather from her crouching position pulled me into a big embrace. After holding me for what seemed a lifetime Heather broke the hug and lifted my chin up, so I was looking her directly in the eyes

“Jo I will always be here for you darling. Whatever you decide and whatever path you take I will support you. It’s a frightening time for you right now. A lot has happened over the last few days. If you decide to return to being Joseph, then I will support you regardless of what your Mum wants, or thinks is best for you”

Heather’s words calmed me a little and made me feel a little better “thank you auntie I appreciate your support. I think I may need it as Mum seems to think that I should live my life as a girl. She may be right auntie; I just need to get my head around it. Things are moving so fast”

“Come on love let's get you out of that dress and back into your own clothes” Heather suggested as she pulled me up from the bench seat and turning me around undid the small buttons at the back of the dress. As the dress became looser on me I instinctively held the dress up by cupping my small hands around my false breasts to stop the dress from falling to the floor

Aunt Heather giggled at my natural feminine gesture which made me nervously laugh also

For the next 5 minutes Heather helped me back into my tight skirt and blouse, making sure that I looked like the composed young teenager that she said I was

Heather then fussed with my hair and tidied up my eye makeup, so I didn’t look disturbed in the eyes of other shoppers

As we left the dressing room area neither Heather nor I could find mum. After a minute or so, we eventually saw her across the shop chatting away to Bridget as they both held up dresses in the air

As we made our way over to mum, she spotted us and held a pale pink dress up against her. “There you are honey. Bridget and I were wondering where the pair of you had got to. I was just thinking that maybe the pleated dress you tried on is too old-fashioned for you. Bridget has been showing me dresses that she would wear to a wedding and we both picked out this one. Isn't it adorable dear?” mum proclaimed whilst turning the dress and holding it up against my body.

The new dress was of satin fabric and looked to be about knee length. It was quite plain however had a very faint flower pattern embossed in the pale pink satin. A matching satin belt looped around the waist. The dress I was to find out was called a wrap dress

I don't know why but for some reason I preferred this dress to the very busy pleated dress that I had just tried on” It’s nice“ I honestly answered “I think I prefer it to the other dress. This looks more suitable for someone of my or Bridget’s age to wear”

Mum seemed thrilled that I liked the dress and “let's have you quickly try it on then love to see how it fits you Jo”

I looked across at Aunt Heather who playfully smiled back at me, as she and I followed mum back to the changing rooms as I held the strap of my handbag on my shoulder to stop it falling off

Within a few minutes mum had helped me into the new dress. As she tied the belt around my waist, she proclaimed that this was much better and told me it really showed off my beautiful figure. She fussed with the skirt and the wrap around top of the dress

“I think sheer tights and some strappy heels that match the baby pink of the dress will go great with the dress” Mum clucked as I stood there blushing

With mum’s mind seemingly made-up I again got dressed into my regular clothes and on exiting the cubicle found mum, Heather and Bridget at the till just as mum was paying for the second dress

“You have been really helpful Bridget love” I overheard mum say as I walked over to the till. When spotting me Mum said told me “Joanne thank Bridget for her time. She has been really helpful, and we now don't have to worry about what you are going to wear to the wedding. We now just need to get you some shoes that will match the dress and some pretty undies that won’t show through the flimsy material”

I thought “I did have a lot to thank Bridget for as the second dress was more suited to someone my age, however someone of my age who was a girl!”

“Thank you, Bridget. You've been most helpful. I bet you will be glad to see the back of us” I joked

“No need to thank me, Joanne. I'm just doing my job. The dress does look lovely on you. I bet all the other women at the wedding will be envious of you and I think the guys will be wanting a dance with you. It will be a good opportunity to make your boyfriend jealous. If your guy is anything like my boyfriend, he takes me for granted and it does them good to be a little jealous at times”

On paying we said our goodbyes and left the shop back onto the main mall.

“That’s that sorted” mum exclaimed pleased with herself “Let’s go and collect your photo’s and then we can be make tracks home. How are you feeling now honey?”

Before answering Heather asked “actually Sis can we stop for a coffee. I am gasping for a drink and a toilet break”

“Good idea Hettie. I suppose you could also do with a drink Jo, couldn’t you?” mum stated whilst handing me the bag that contained the dress

“Err yes I guess so” I replied anxiously, really wanting to go home

“Come on then girls. My treat” Mum gushed whilst walking off down the mall with Heather and I again in mum’s wake

Heather soon caught up with Mum however I fought to do so what with my now having to carry a large shopping bag, whilst also trying to keep my handbag from slipping off my shoulder. Not an easy task for a young lad still getting used to tight skirts and heels, on a worryingly slippery marble floor. I felt like Bambi on ice!

I felt a bra strap cut into my shoulder as I tottered along the mall, my heels click clacking and echoing around the mall or so I thought so, however none of the shoppers paid me any attention except for a few guys who I passed along the way

On passing one guy, I glanced over my shoulder to see whether he was still looking at me and found to my dismay that he was looking at my bum encased in my tight pencil skirt. I flushed uncomfortably as he smiled and winked at me before continuing in the opposite direction

By now Mum and Heather were a good 30 feet ahead of me as I saw them enter a little café. Mum looked behind her and on seeing me floundering yelled “come on Joanne stop dilly dallying girl”

After a 45-minute break in which Mum moaned about me having a fruit scone. Telling me that I needed to lose some puppy fat, which to Mum’s annoyance prompted Heather to counter that I was just fine and didn’t need to lose any weight, we left the café and went directly to the photography studio

On entering the shop, we were greeted by the proprietor Diane “Oh hi Ladies. How are you doing?” Remembering my name, she complimented me saying “You are looking lovely Joanne” as she seemed genuinely pleased to see Mum and I

“Err thanks Diane” I responded feeling suddenly unsure

“You ok Joanne. You look a little hot. Take your coat off and have a sit down love” she offered whilst pointing to a leather sofa

“Thank you, Diane. She isn’t feeling herself today. She had a little episode earlier in the car park. We have just had a coffee and a little snack, and I think she is doing ok now, aren’t you love?” Mum answered on my behalf, whilst not really considering that I perhaps wasn’t ok

“Oh, you poor love. Come on take that big coat off and have a sit down. I assume you are here to collect your photos hon? Diane questioned me rather than Mum

Not for the first time today Mum responded on my behalf “She will be ok Diane, although we best get her home after picking up the photos. It’s a shame as my sister and I were really looking forward to getting some Christmas shopping done today”

I blushed thinking “Sorry to be such an inconvenience Mum” as I undid my coat and rested it on the arm of the sofa. I sat as demurely as possible on the edge of the seat so as not to have my skirt ride up

Diane could see that I was uncomfortable and chirpily defended me “oh that is a shame Mrs Moore, however poor you Jo. Do you want a drink. Some water perhaps?”

“I am good thanks. Just tired really” I honestly answered whilst undoing the buttons of my cardigan and in doing so revealing my blouse underneath

“What a pretty blouse Jo” Diane again praised me which made me smile

“Thanks. It’s ok I guess” I coyly replied not being used to receiving so many compliments

Diane looked over to Mum and Heather and offered “Ladies, sorry please do take a seat whilst I get Joanne’s photographs. Can I get either of you a drink?”

Mum and Heather both declined a drink. Diane therefore made her way through a door at the back of the shop to collect the snaps

“Joanne, put your legs together” Mum whispered at me seeing me resting on the edge of the sofa “You don’t want everyone seeing your dirty washing”

“What, err” I embarrassingly moaned back whilst tightly clamping my hosed legs together at an angle, intuitively hanging the strap of my handbag over my knees so it lay on the floor in front of me

“Leave her alone Claire. She was hardly showing anything off” Heather supported me “It’s difficult wearing a skirt that short without showing off a little thigh”

“Precisely Hettie” Mum declared as a young lad came through a door into the reception area

“Hello ladies” he politely greeted us all whilst smiling warmly, however he noticeably smiled more so at me “Are you all being looked after?”

“Yes, thank you young man” Mum replied “Claire is collecting some photos for us”

“Oh, that’s good to know” he beamed as he went about putting away some decorative frames into glass cabinets at the front of the shop

Mum leant across to me and whispered “See you would have given that nice young man a good show if I hadn’t told you to put your legs together”

I couldn’t be bothered to respond to her, however, knew I had probably gone bright red at Mum’s ridiculous assertion

After a few minutes with Mum and Heather making small talk whilst I watched the young lad, Diane returned with a small box “Here we are Ladies” she indicated to the box before noticing that we had company “Oh have you met my Adam?” she asked whilst gesturing to the young man who now stood in front of her “This is my eldest son” she proudly stated whilst gently messing with his hair

“Mum gerrof” he protested whilst looking across at me obviously embarrassed

On noticing Adam looking my way Claire laughed “She’s pretty isn’t she? This is Joanne the girl I was telling you about who was going to be working at the wedding. We didn’t see you there love”

I now was embarrassed “Err no. I wasn’t there” I responded as I shyly looked away and down at my slim nyloned encased knees and trendy boots

The grown-ups continued to talk to each other as Adam and I furtively glanced across at each other from time to time. He smiled at me cheekily and I couldn’t help but smile back

Claire showed us the photos and asked whether we were happy with the results. Mum loved them “They are great Diane. I love them. They grow up so quickly. At least I will now have these to look at when she is off making a life for herself, leaving her poor old mum to fend for herself” mum teased

“Mother” I challenged “You’re not exactly poor and I can’t ever imagine escaping your clutches”

This made everyone including Adam laugh

“It must be lovely to have a daughter Claire. I have three boys. I know as soon as they find the love of their lives, they will be off. I think girls are different. They are always close to their mothers even after they have settled down and got married. I know that is the case with my dear old mum” Diane proclaimed wistfully

The photos were good. I still couldn’t believe that the smart looking girl in her work uniform was me. I studied the photos and tried to find flaws. All I could see was a pretty looking young woman wearing a feminine work blouse and fitted skirt. As I examined the photos Adam was asked to give his opinion

“What do you think of the shots Adam” Diane asked her son

Adam didn’t hesitate “They look great Mum. You look lovely in them all Joanne” Adam responded sweetly whilst nervously looking at me.

I was really embarrassed as I wasn’t used to compliments, especially from boys

“Oh, that’s nice” Mum answered on my behalf “She must have my good genes Adam”

After a few more minutes looking at the 20 photos and Mum paying Diane she stated “Anyway we best be getting you home youngster” whilst smiling lovingly at me

I raised myself from the sofa with one hand, whilst holding the hem of my skirt down with the other hand so as not to give Adam a glance of my “dirty washing” as Mum so eloquently put it. As I started to put my coat back on Diane spoke

“I was thinking Claire that if you and your sister really wanted to get some shopping done, if Joanne was ok with staying with me, she could rest up here and wait for you”

I wasn’t enthused with Diane’s suggestion however what could I say without looking ungrateful and rude

“It’s up to you mum” I looked across to mum whilst clandestinely pulling a pleading face so Diane and Adam couldn’t see, hoping that she would decline Diane’s offer and say we had to make tracks home

Mum as usual disappointed “If you are sure you are ok with Joanne staying with you Diane, that would be great. Are you sure that she won’t be in your way”

Great I thought. Now I am an annoyance for everyone

“No of course she won’t be in the way. You can just rest up on the sofa Jo and read a magazine or two” Diane smiled in my direction

It dawned on me at that moment that I hadn’t realised that the female pronouns of “she” and “her” being used to refer to me, were now not really affecting me. I guess the way I was dressed were appropriate in my current situation

Diane seemed really pleased as it emerged that I was apparently going to stay with her whilst Mum and Heather went shopping “Super, take your coat of again love” she suggested whilst assisting me to take the coat from my shoulders

Mum and Heather looked happy that they could hit the shops without me trailing along

“Now be a good girl Joanne” Mum told me “Don’t get in Diane’s way. She has work to do. It wouldn’t hurt you to help where you can”

I felt awkward with Mum’s words. I wasn’t a thirteen-year-old “Mother Please. Go shopping won’t you. Don’t worry I won’t disgrace you” I irritably told her

After a few more minutes Mum and Heather went on their way, however only after both had kissed me on the cheek, leaving me with Diane and her son

I stood there awkwardly as Mum and Heather merged into the throes of shoppers. Diane seeing that was nervous to be left, put a comforting arm around my shoulder

“Take a seat Jo. Unfortunately, Adam and I are a little busy at the moment, so we won’t be able to sit with you just now, however you make yourself at home love. The kitchen is just through that door if you want to make yourself a drink. There are some nice chocolate biscuits on the worktop if you want something to eat sweetie”

I looked across at Adam who was cheerfully smiling at me. I smiled back shyly “Thanks Diane. Do you want me to make you and Adam a drink”

“Oh, that’s very thoughtful of you love. I would love a cuppa. What about you Adam?” Diane asked her eldest

Adam asked for a coffee without sugar “Here let me show you where everything is Jo” Adam offered as I followed him through to the small galley kitchen beyond the door

He filled the kettle with water and switched it on. Adam then proceeded to show me where everything was, which embarrassingly meant at one point he had to squeeze past me in the small kitchen and in doing so his hands grabbed hold of my hips as he sidled past me

I felt giddy as I felt his large hands on my hips “Sorry Joanne. Its a bit tight in here” he apologised impishly

“Oh. that’s ok Adam. It is a bit tight in here, isn’t it?” I repeated stupidly knowing full well that I going bright red. Crikey, what must he think of me I thought to myself. He probably thinks I am a silly teenager without an ounce of intelligence

“It certainly is Joanne, although I am not complaining” he teased

I felt flushed as he informed me he would be in the studio with his mum and to come through when I was ready. I watched him leave and thought to myself “He is quite a catch”. GOD – What is wrong with me? I’m losing it?

I was still feeling warm and decided to off take my cardigan as I waited for the kettle to boil

After making the two teas and one coffee, I put the three mugs on a tray together with the chocolate biscuits I carefully made my way through to the familiar studio where I had had my photos taken only a few days earlier. As I entered Diane looked up from what she was doing and greeted me warmly “thank you so much Joanne. I am gasping for a drink”

I put the tray down on a table and handed Diane a mug of tea

As I handed her the mug, she noticed my fingernails “That nail polish is so pretty love. It really shows of your long fingernails. What colour varnish is that? Do you remember where you bought it from” she asked seemingly interested

Not knowing how to reply I tried to think on my feet “I am not sure of the colour. I think I bought it in Debenhams”

“Well, it’s a lovely colour. It really suits you. You know you could be a hand model Joanne. Your hands are beautiful”

A hand model? What’s that I thought. I felt awkward and to try and cover my embarrassment I told Diane that I thought I had the varnish in my bag, and I could go and get it if she wanted me to

“Oh, please do Joanne. I would love to know what brand and colour it is. I might get myself a bottle”

Adam looked on obviously amused at our inane girly chat. His mum caught him grinning “what do you find so amusing mister? She asked

“Oh, nothing Mum. I just don’t get women’s obsession with things like nail polish and make-up” he answered genuinely perplexed

Before his mum could respond a bell went off the other side of the studio door announcing that someone had entered the shop “I’ll get that mum. You have your break and a chat to Jo” he offered like the devoted son that he obviously was

As Adam went through the door, I remembered that I had left my handbag in the kitchen and apologised to Diane as I followed him to collect it

On getting the handbag and routing through the contents to find the varnish, I noticed that Adam was dealing with a young couple who I guessed were about both around 24 years of age. The woman was carrying a tiny little puppy who was nuzzled into her chest.

I don’t know what came over me as I boldly made my way over to the group and gushed “Sorry to interrupt. oh, isn’t he adorable. Can I say hello?”

The girl looked me up and down before proudly replying “Yes of course you can. This is Barney. Say hello baby” she said as she offered him to me

Not expecting to be offered a hold of him I grabbed the little ball of fur and held him tightly against my chest. He nestled into me and straight away tried to nibble the frills on the front of my blouse

“Barney don’t do that. You will ruin her lovely blouse. I am so sorry; he is teething at the moment and wants to bite everything” she apologised

“That’s ok” I responded as I cuddled Barney. “He is so cute. Is he a Cavalier King Charles?

“Yes, he is. He is only 4 months old. We have only had him a week and we want to have some photos taken whilst he is still small” The young woman told me proudly

I forgot about my current situation, as I was really taken with the little puppy and felt quite envious. I had always wanted a dog; however, Mum had never allowed me to have one. I thought to myself that when I eventually had my own place, I too would love a little dog like Barney
The girl and I continued to chat about little Barney whilst he continued to happily snuggle into me

After a couple of minutes Adam politely interrupted “Err sorry to interrupt Jo. Louise and Mark have come in for a photo session with Mum for pictures to be taken off Barney and for some engagement photos to be taken as well. We had better take them through so Mum can make a start” he suggested

“Err yeah of course. Sorry I got carried away with this little fella” I embarrassingly replied as I handed Barney back to his new mum and then without giving any thought instinctively straightened out my blouse, tucking a unkempt tail into my skirt

“Don’t worry. He has that effect on people” Louise reassured me as she handed Barney to Mark “He is always wanting to be the centre of attention and often succeeds with dog lovers”

“He does” I grinned, and for some reason then added “oh congratulations on your engagement”

I don’t know why but my eyes were drawn to Louise’s hands to see if I could spot a ring. I don’t know why I did that, as apart from men’s watches I had never ever been interested in jewellery before

Louise noticed me looking at her hands and offered up her hand to show me her beautiful white diamond engagement ring “Oh it’s gorgeous” I gushed not knowing where the word gorgeous had come from. It wasn’t a word that I think I had ever used before; however, it just seemed the right word to say to sum up the beauty of the ring

“Aww thanks Jo. It is Jo isn’t it” she asked

“Err, yes Jo, Joanne” I blurted nervously in response

As Adam, Mark and Barney made their way to the studio Louise gently touched my bare arm and whispered “is there a toilet I could use Joanne? I am busting for a pee”

I pointed Louise in the direction of the single toilet which I knew was to the side of the kitchenette “I will wait here for you” I offered as I intuitively picked up my handbag from the coffee table and hung it over my shoulder as if it was the most normal thing in the world for me to do

“Thanks Joanne. Can I leave my coat with you” she asked as she slipped her long coat from her shoulders

“Yes, sure no problem” I replied whilst looking at the lovely outfit Louise was wearing “I just love your skirt and blouse Louise”
Where did that come from, I thought. I was never one to give women compliments

“Aww thanks babe. I think I will come here more often. So many compliments. Is this all part of the service? Does your boss tell you to say that to all of the customers” she kidded

“Oh, I don’t work here. I just think your outfit is lovely. Perfect for your photo shoot” I timidly responded whilst taking in her cute tan leather pencil skirt, brown knee length boots and tight black sweater that showed off her lovely curves

Louise like me obviously didn’t know how to take a compliment “Oh these old things” she gestured to her clothes whilst pulling her tight sweater down over her hips “I didn’t know what to wear. It’s not like I have ever had to wear something for engagement photos before” she joked

“No quite” I mumbled as she left me with her coat and walked across to the loo.

She turned around “You don’t work here?” Louise asked puzzled as to why I was in the shop “Is Adam your boyfriend then. Is that why you are hanging around here?”

“Oh no, he is just a friend” I bashfully answered

“Just a friend eh” she teased “Me and Mark started off as just friends when we were at school and now look at where we are”

She winked at me as she again made her way to the toilet

Whilst she was gone, I hung her coat on a stand and took some time to look at myself in one off the many full-length mirrors in the reception area. I took in my incredibly feminine reflection and understood why everyone I met took me to be a girl. My hair and make up still looked good despite my earlier hysterics. I looked closely at my make up and thought I could do with putting on some more mascara. I felt envious of Louise, whose make up I noticed was so well done. She was obviously very accomplished at doing her make up

Louise returned as I was applying a second coat of mascara to my lashes “that’s better hon” she smiled

I didn’t know how to answer and before I could do so Louise came over and stood beside me and looked into the mirror to check her own hair and make up

“You have lovely skin. You obviously look after it Jo” she indicated whilst looking closely into my eyes “how old are you Joanne if you don’t mind me asking”

“Nearly 18”

“17? I would have put you down as about 21. You look so mature for your age” she stated as she watched me return the mascara wand to the make-up bag in my handbag “do you wear make up often Jo”

“Err, no. Is it that obvious Louise” I fearfully asked her

“Please call me Lou. Only my Mum and Dad call me Louise” she asked “Your make-up is fine Jo. If you don’t mind me saying though, you could improve a couple of things. Sorry I am not being critical. It’s just cosmetics is my job. I work in Harrods on the Estee Lauder concession, and I love helping young girls look their best. I get fed up having to make the rich old hags look half decent. Some of them are lost causes, however they do spend a lot of their hubby’s money” she joked

I smiled at her wisecrack relieved that she had not seen through my disguise. I was thinking of how I should respond when Diane came into the reception area

“There you are girls. Come on let us get started” she directed. She turned to me as she gestured for us both to follow her and commented “you are looking a lot peakier now Joanne. The colour has returned to your cheeks”

I reddened as Diane and Louise walked ahead of me as I overheard Diane whisper to Lou “She wasn’t feeling that well earlier. Her mum told me that she is having a particularly difficult period this month, poor love”

On being informed of this Louise turned around and quite unexpectedly gave me a big hug “We have all been there Jo” she said as she rubbed my back “Unfortunately, it’s the cross we have to bear babes”

I was mortified, as again I was included in this most intimate of feminine conversations. I really wanted to crawl up into a ball and cry, however, I knew I had to put on a brave face until Mum and Heather returned

End of chapter 34