Good morning, everyone. My name is Felicia Belphere Metrune. I am the only daughter of Baron Alphonse Lartes Metrune. I am 11 years old. I haven't always been Baron Metrune's daughter though. I was originally a 29 year old man who lived in Cornwall. One day I got hit by a truck and you've probably guessed it, I was reincarnated into what seems to be medieval Europe. 14 triremes? (lol) Is this all you've got? Come to mommy. Let this beautiful lady show you how a legend is born. Muhahahahaha! Felicia's Second Life Chapter 8 A tale of love (?) and change (lol) in a medieval era. By Shinieris

Good afternoon, everyone! It's me your beloved and beautiful Lady Felicia! How are you doing this fine day?

Just for those who are just trying to catch up. I am now in Lytis. Yes, we're still in Lytis. Can't go anywhere yet because that damned toilet paper Suletrius didn't ransom anyone from Mruna. So now I have to find a way to get enough money to ransom everyone, including the lower officers that Suletrius was supposed to ransom as well.

By the way, the grand total is 400 gold. Never in my life have I ever seen that much gold. How exactly can I get enough?

So when big brother Meul invited me for a game of Rebellion, a light bulb appeared in a corner of my mind. As Malcolm, I was never a good gambler, but I did know a trick or two about cheating in a poker game.

That was how I scammed three men out of all their gold. In the case of one of them though, I scammed him out of his mercenary company too. Marvellous, truly delightful. Now I just have to wait for two more years before I can wreak havoc with my own mercenary company. Uhehehehe.

Right now, I'm counting my hard-won gold.

"Yup, that's 20 gold. You can go now, Mr. Kute," I said as I gave Mr. Kute a hug.

"This is the most expensive hug I've ever gotten," Mr. Kute complained before leaving the restaurant.

Let me give you a comparison. In the River Country, even the most expensive courtesans will only set you back around 2 silver. For the much lower status back alley prostitutes, they could go as low as 3 big copper. Yup, you can get a prostitute for lower than the price of an average meal here.

"So Felicia, what do you want us for actually?" Daddy Soom asked.

"One moment, please," I said while counting the gold I won from Mr. Ordric.

When I confirmed it was 20 gold, Mr. Ordric got up from his chair and said, "I'll clear out my stuff and leave the city then."

"Huh? Why?" I asked as I scooped up all the gold a pouch.

"Because I'm no longer the leader."

"Did I say that?" I looked up at him. Standing like this, he really was very big.

"No, but you're the owner. You're the leader now."

"As if I have nothing better to do than to lead a bunch of sweaty, smelly mercenaries. You keep your job until I tell you you're fired, Mr. Ordric."

"I can stay?" he asked in disbelief.

"Of course. You're the best man for the job so far. If you want it, the job is yours until I fire you or you die."

He stood a little taller and straighter now. With a bow, he said, "Thank you, princess."

"Change the name to Felicia's Merry Men, though."

"Merry Men?"

"Unless there are also women?"

"No, there're no women, but-"

"Then it's Felicia's Merry Men."

"..." Mr. Ordric looked like he wanted to say something but kept his mouth shut before he gave a salute and left the restaurant.

"So, Felicia. About why we're here..." Daddy Soom repeated.

"Ah right, about that. I want to sell some stuff to both of you."

"Oh? Some family jewels? Selling some inheritance to pay off the ransom?" Daddy Soom asked.

Daddy Malor interjected with, "Are you going to sell it outright or just use it as collateral for a loan?"

"Oh no no. You misunderstood, dear daddies. It's a couple of trade goods. Both have to my understanding, never been seen here before. Though one of them is similar to brandy in a way."

"Never seen before? Felicia, I'm sorry. I like you, I really do, despite how you always try to squeeze silver out of my pockets-"

"Thehehe, was I too obvious, Daddy Soom?"

"I don't mind it, I can afford it. I imagine if I have a real daughter, she'd be trying to squeeze money out of me too."

"If you have a daughter, it will be worse," Daddy Malor added, "She will try to squeeze money from your pockets without giving you even a kiss on the cheek. I'm speaking from experience."

"My point is... Felicia, I'm a merchant. You must understand that there is a possibility that I will refuse to buy your goods. I will likely even try to cheat you of your goods' real value. As a patron, I can be generous, but as a merchant, I am rather merciless."

"And ruthless. You have no idea how he is really like, Felicia."

"Says the guy who stole the fishing contract from right under my nose. How did you enjoy swimming with the fishes, Malor?"

"I swam very well, Soom. Thank you very much for pushing me off the ship back then, truly allowed me to understand the fishing industry. When I said ruthless, I of course was referring to how you pressured every merchant in Lytis to not sell any grain until the prince agreed to lower the tariff last year."

"Didn't you benefit from that as well?"

"It's not like I was complaining about it."

"Then what was the point of mentioning it?"

"Of course, to make you look bad in front of Felicia."

To these two top merchants whose shadows looked like a cat (Daddy Malor) and a dog (Daddy Soom), I said, "Wow, you're such good friends!"

"Huh?!" both of them looked at me with a frown on their faces.

I tilted my head to the right. "Ara? Did I get it wrong?”

"Dead wrong!" Daddy Soom said at the same time Daddy Malor said, "Very wrong!"

"Well anyway, would you at least have a look, Daddy Soom and Daddy Malor?" I pleaded with teary, twinkling eyes.

"If it's just looking, I suppose it's fine," Daddy Soom agreed as Daddy Malor echoed his consent.

"Great! Alek," I called my bodyguard as I took out a small folded message from the pocket of my apron. "Alek, take Mr. Soom and Mr. Malor to the ship. Give this letter to Quartermaster Gani."

"But princess, I can't just leave you here."

"I've been doing fine on my own here for a week. Just one day won't make any difference. Go."

"But my duty is to protect you, princess."

"Your boss works for me. Therefore I decide what your duties are. Right now your duty is to take them to the ship and give the letter to Gani. Is that clear?"

"Yes, princess. I'll be back soon," Alek said as he lead the two merchants out.

Suddenly I felt a hand grab the top of my head. Looking around, I saw it was my boss Ms. Nara. The big sister. Instead of the attractive old lady (lol) that I saw for the past week, she now looked like a demon.

"Now that you're done scamming my customers, would you mind getting back to work, your great highness?"

I winced as her grip on my head tightened.

******

"Good job, everyone. See you tomorrow" Ms. Nara said as she handed a salary of 5 big coppers to both new girls.

They said their thanks before leaving through the front door. I waved goodbye to my cute juniors. Then I took their place and stood in front of Ms. Nara.

"What do you want? Ms. Nara asked.

"What about my salary?"

"You already make more money from tips than I can afford to pay you. You still want a salary?"

"Tips are tips. Salaries are salaries."

"No, you're only working here part-time anyway."

"Please!"

"Don't pull my skirt!"

"Please!"

"I said no!"

"Eh? Are we playing a game?" the pest said as she pulled on Ms. Nara's skirt too.

"Stoppp!!! Don't pull my dress!"

"Please!" I said as I endured her foot on my face.

"Please!" Sul joined delightfully.

"Nira, stop laughing and help me!"

"Princess!" came a familiar voice.

"What do you want, Konto?" I asked while still pulling the skirt of Ms. Nara who was leaning against the bar in an effort to get away from my insistent and inappropriate hands.

"It's Keito."

"As I said, what do you want? Wait, aren't you supposed to be guarding my gold?"

"I left that to Gani, since he's already holding the gold from the sale of Mrugs and lolipops anyway."

How irresponsible can you be?

"So again, why are you here?" I asked while tugging Ms. Nara's skirt.

"I'm here to escort you home, princess."

"Why would you call the ship my 'home'?"

"Sorry princess, pirate habits. I'm here to escort you back to the ship."

"Oh fine, just wait a moment," I said before turning back to Ms. Nara, "Please!"

"Please!" Sul echoed.

"Alright! Alright! Just let me go!"

Ms. Nara then gave each of us 5 big coppers each as she fixed her barmaid dress.

"So how much money did we get from the two merchants?" I asked as I walked in front of Koito.

"There was a bidding war, but we got 170 gold for the mrugs and 30 gold for the lollipops after tax. The merchants handled the tax."

Mrug means mud wine. It's a kind of vodka made from sugar beets, potatoes and wheat, all of which I have in excess in my warehouse in Mruna. I've ensured that 30 barrels of these alcoholic beverages be carried in the ship, both planned as trade goods and for shipboard consumption. Crewmen (except for children) are each allowed one mug of mrug each day during off hours. The limit is essential, as too little is bad for morale while too much is bad for discipline. It has around 80% alcohol content.

I made a rule that each part of mrug must be watered down with equal part of lemon juice. I will have no vulgar drunks on my ship. Besides, adding lemon juice gives it a flavour and also reduces the risk of scurvy. Some would even add in fruit juice from the canned fruits into the mix. So what the sailors were drinking were actually cocktails at 40% alcohol instead of pure mrug.

"Wait, only 170? For the whole shipment of mrug?"

"What do you mean whole shipment of mrug, princess?"

"How many barrels did Gani sell?"

"Six barrels, princess."

"WHAT? I told him to sell all of them!"

"All?!" Koito paled, or I thought he paled. Hard to tell in the darkness.

"Yes, I said-kyaaah!" I screamed when something knocked against me.

"Ah, I'm sorry pretty lady, I didn't see you there," a man in leather vest said with a grin.

He looked very familiar. "Hey, aren't you...?"

"Oh shit!" he cursed before turning around.

"Kaito, catch him!" He was the thief who stole my gold!

Kaito quickly ran ahead of me. Seeing that the distance kept decreasing, he made a gamble and performed a hard tackle. Success! "For hurting the princess, you're - hey, if it isn't Taito!"

"Keito?" the thief looked around surprised, "Oh man, it's been a long time, what have you been doing?"

"Oh, I'm escorting a princess nowadays. What about you?" Kaito said as he dusted off the thief.

"Wow, you've gone up! Me, you know, robbing, stealing, pickpocketing, scamming, that sort of stuff."

"Haha, you never change!"

"Well, hard to change your habits. Besides, that's everything that I know. So you're not doing that piracy business anymore?"

"Yeah, about that. I'm going to continue soon, after this job, I mean. I'm gonna have a real ship this time, no more longboats for me!"

"Hey, excuse me. Do you two know each other?" I asked.

"Oh yes, this is my little brother Taito. Taito, say hi to my boss."

"Hello, I'm..."

It became quiet as we allowed the wind to blow

Suddenly the thief turned around and tried to escape, again.

"Hey Taito, what's the hurry?" Kaito said with his hand grabbing the thief's collar.

"Hey Keito, by boss, do you mean to say that this is the princess you talked about?" the thief asked while trying to pull Kaito's hand off his collar.

"Yup!"

"But she's a barmaid!"

"She's working part-time as a barmaid."

"I've never heard of a princess working as a barmaid!"

"Have you ever met a princess?"

"Well no, but..."

"So you're the thief, huh?" I cracked my knuckles. "Let's have a little chat, shall we?"

I had Kaito pull the unwilling thief back to the ship. Kaito didn't understand why, but he did as told. Meanwhile, the thief pleaded that he didn't know I was a princess and if he had known, he wouldn't do what he did back then.

I'm not a princess, but I don't appreciate anyone stealing from me.

"Alright, sit down," I said after one of the night sailors brought a chair at my request.

"Ok," he sat down on the chair, while being surrounded by angry-looking sailors.

We were currently at the top deck of my brig, The Abundance of Lollipops.

"I'm sure you know why I'm currently pissed at you, my dear thief. But I'm willing to put that aside and grant you forgiveness if you give me back my 12 gold coins."

"Ahh... umm... about that..."

"Something's wrong?" I said as I cracked my knuckles.

The other sailors surrounding us also cracked their knuckles as if trained. Kaito did it too for some reason. I thought this was his younger brother?

"Ahh... you see... I spent it all... I'm sorry."

"I see. While I was busy working my cute ass off for a week because of you, you've been spending my gold like a king. Am I understanding this right?"

"Ahh... umm... I'll pay you back?"

"Why would I believe the words of a thief?"

"My word is my bond! Ask Keito!"

I looked at the pirate captain, and all he did was make a naughty grin.

"Keito! Save me!"

"Somebody get me a rope," I asked as I walked to the ship's port railing.

"Here, captain," one of the sailors handed me a long rope used for rigging.

Meanwhile, two noblemen, whom I didn't know, came out of the staircase that led to the rear private cabins. While stretching their legs, they looked curiously at the gathering in front of them. As I tied one end of the rope to the railing, their eyes turned my way. I decided to ignore them. I could care less how this looked in their eyes.

"So, if I trust your words, how soon will I get my gold back?"

"Tomorrow! I swear! I'll return your gold tomorrow!"

"I see," I said as I tied the rope around his waist and torso, "How many people will you steal from to get all that gold back by tomorrow?"

"As many as necessary! I swear, I'll return it all!"

"Uh huh? Frankly, I don't like that. Privateering is acceptable, but the people you'll steal from won't be my enemies. That would be injustice."

"I'll only steal from rich people! I swear! Only rich people!"

"Is that so? But rich people aren't my enemies either," I said, then I pointed at two random sailors, "You, grab his hands. You, grab his legs."

The two sailors complied. With the sound of the thief's pleading, I had the sailors carry the thief to the port side of the ship. The thief struggled, but these were seasoned sailors. If they could row large oars, they could certainly handle a single struggling thief.

"Throw him off the ship," I said coldly.

"Wait, stopppppp!!!" the thief cried as he was thrown into the cold waters of the Mrun River at night.

I looked down with my hand on the railing. Then I said to the two sailors, "Very good. Pull him back up, then repeat it nine more times. You're permitted to ask the other sailors for help."

With the party in full swing and Kaito laughing at his little brother's misfortune, I sat on the chair vacated by the thief and said to Mr. Lars, the second mate. "Bring me Gani."

It took Mr. Lars only two minutes to bring the still sleepy Gani from his sleeping quarters on the second deck.

"Good evening, my lady," he said with a bow and a yawn.

"Good evening. So Gani, mind telling me what you understood from my letter today?"

"Err... You told me to sell all lollipop candies and mrugs to your merchant friends and let them have a taste of each."

"Indeed, so why did you only sell six barrels of mrug?"

"Ehh... ummm... that... you have to ask Mr. Lustri, my lady."

"Why must I ask Mr. Lustri? I told YOU to sell them, did I not?"

"Ehh... only Mr. Lustri can explain it, my lady."

"Mr. Lars."

"Yes, captain."

"Go wake Mr. Lustri and bring him here."

"Yes captain."

Mr. Lars left faster than I could see, like a ninja, except he was a sailor. He brought Mr. Lustri just as quickly as he brought Gani. The only difference was Mr. Lustri was wide awake.

"Good evening, captain. Is there a particular reason for you to summon me?"

"Good evening, Mr. Lustri. So I've been talking about how Gani sold ONLY six barrels to the merchants today, I trust you knew about that?"

Despite the poor lighting, I could tell that Mr. Lustri suddenly started sweating.

"Yes, captain. I was there as well."

"I see. Gani has been telling me that the reason for him selling ONLY six barrels when I clearly ordered him to sell all of them was YOU, Mr. Lustri. Care to explain why?"

In the dim light of the lanterns, I could see Mr. Lustri glaring at Gani while mouthing the word 'traitor'. To me, he said, "It was necessary, captain."

"What's necessary is to raise enough money to ransom those captured. Why was it necessary to sell only six barrels of mrug when you can sell more?"

"That... captain, I'm sure you are aware that mrugs raise the sailors' spirit, don't you?"

"Of course, what's your point?"

"You may not notice it, captain, since you don't drink, but mrugs are essential to the crew, captain."

"Essential in what way? Mrug is my creation in the first place. If not because I created it, we won't even be carrying a single barrel of mrug. The crew will be drinking only beer."

"Yes, captain. But you're not aware that drinking mrug during their time off has been something they can't live without, captain. It's something they've been looking forward to every day, captain!"

"Your point, please."

"Without mrugs, they will have nothing to look forward to. The crew will mutiny, captain!"

"Mutiny, huh? And who would be at the forefront of the mutiny?"

"... That would probably be me, captain."

"Because you've been drinking two mugs a day instead of the allocated one mug?"

"Yes - wait, how did you know that?"

"Gani, Mr. Lustri, do you see that group of cackling sailors that continuously bring up a soaking man and throw him back into the water?"

I pointed to the group of eight sailors who were taking turns bringing up the thief onboard by the rope before throwing him off the ship again. It was like a party as they laughed and shared a single mug of mrug. I decided to overlook them stealing a drink while they were on duty just for this time.

"I've been wondering about that," Gani remarked.

"I want both of you to sit together on the railing right next to them," I said while pointing at the section of the railing in question.

"Uhh, okay?" Mr. Lustri said as they both sat on the railing facing my way.

"No, turn around," I told them.

They turned around, so that they faced the water while sitting on the railing.

I then gave Gani a kick on the back, effectively kicking him off the ship. I gave Mr. Lustri a kick on the back too, just as the sailors threw the thief into the water for the sixth time. I looked down into the water at the three men swimming under the midnight sky.

"Hello, nice of you to join me," the thief said to both of them as he was pulled back up for his seventh dunking.

"Don't mind us, we're just having a bath," Mr. Lustri said nonchalantly.

"Get back here quickly so I can kick you off my ship again, you assholes!"

******

"Lady Felicia Belphere Metrune thanks Prince Hans, Lord of Lytis for granting me another audience," I said as I made a curtsey.

"Always a pleasure, Lady Metrune. Carlton, please give the lady a chair," the prince said as the knight, Carlton brought forth a chair that seemed to have been prepared beforehand.

"Thank you for your kind gesture, your highness."

"So I assume you've brought the gold?"

"Kaito, please bring forward the gold."

Kaito and his two henchmen went ahead. Each of them carrying a chest full of gold coins. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough.

"I'm sorry, your highness, I couldn't get enough money for the ransom. I only have 380 gold with me."

I did try to sell more barrels of mrug, but both Daddy Soom and Daddy Malor refused to buy it. Apparently they planned on making those mrug premium spirits and having too much supply will just lower its value. They made it a point to tell me how essential it was for there being ONLY that much mrug and told me that if I tried to sell it to the other merchants, I could kiss their future aid goodbye. I wasn't prepared to lose the two top merchants of Lytis just yet.

Because of that, I had to add the tips from my waitressing job to make up the amount of 380 gold.

"I appreciate your honesty, my lady. Too bad, but this is still not enough."

"I-I know, but surely we can work something out?"

"I can release both the baron and your brother. As for the others, you will have to choose who to bring home."

"Please, your highness. Is there another way? I can't choose who to live and who to die. Please don't force me to make that choice, your highness!"

"Impossible! Unacceptable! I have already reduced the ransom amount greatly. You want me to reduce it even more? No, you will have to choose who to bring home. There shall be no more negotiation, unless... no!"

"What is it, your highness? Is there a way?"

"You won't like it."

"How would you know I won't like it, your highness?"

"Well," he took out something wrapped in leather and handed it to the knight Carlton, "Would you wear this, my lady?"

I don't like that look in his eyes.

I accepted the package, opened it and what greeted me was... a teddy! No, not teddy bear! It was lingerie, the kind that women in my previous world wore for their husbands on their wedding night. It was so sheer!

Wait, is this silk? They have silk here?

"I-I suppose I could wear it... for my husband. Is this a gift, your highness?"

"Yes, it's a gift, but I want you to come to my bedchamber tonight, wearing that."

It took a few moment for my head to register the implication of his words. When it finally clicked, I was outraged.

"You pervert! Lolicon! Scum! Lecherous bastard! Dirty douchebag!" I scolded.

Kaito and his henchmen unsheathed their swords. Before they could pull their swords halfway out of its sheaths, the soldiers lining the audience hall moved forward. With the tips of the spear against their necks, Kaito and his henchmen couldn't do anything to the prince.

"It's funny. I hear you say something, but half of it is total gibberish, my lady. Is it safe to assume that those were all insults?" the prince asked as if unaffected by the commotion.

"Damned right they were! You worthless excuse of a human being! No, not even human. You're dirt! Toilet dirt! I will market another brand of toilet paper with your name on it!"

"Is that so? I don't know what this toilet paper is, but I'm pretty sure it's an incredibly offensive insult."

"Of course it's an insult, pervert! Everyone will know your name as that thing they use to wipe their butts with!"

"I see. Carlton, execute everyone in the dungeon."

"Wait, you damned bastard! How can you just execute over 100 people just like that?"

"They're your people, aren't they? You've just insulted me with what you've just admitted is the worst insult possible. My heart is very sensitive, I'm terribly hurt by your words. Carlton, please make sure they're executed by tea time. I'd really hate to wait."

"It will be done, your highness."

"Wait wait waaaaaaait!!!"

"Is there a problem, my lady?"

"Damned right there's a - uhum!" I forced myself to make the sweetest smile I could while inside I was still seething in anger, "Hehe, it was a joke, your highness. Just a joke. Why are you being so serious?"

"A joke? Didn't sound like a joke to me."

"Oh you know us Forlendians. We joke all the time. That's how we greet each other. My father insulted me all the time. I insult my brother all the time. Everyone knows it was just a friendly banter. You shouldn't take it seriously, your highness. Hohohoho!"

Ahhh, this pain in my heart.

"Is that so? So you don't mind wearing that and sleeping with me in my bedroom tonight?"

"That-"

"Carlton, tell the jailors to execute-"

"Waaaiiitttt! Yes yes, I look forward to sleeping with you tonight, your highness."

"Princess, no!" Kaito made some noise in the back.

Unless you can actually kill the prince, Kaito, just keep quiet. Oh my painful heart. Mother, it seems like I'm going to lose my virginity tonight. I feel like crying.

"I am delighted to hear your acceptance, my lady. Rest assured that with all that gold and tonight's intimate encounter, all your people will be set free. Carlton, escort the lady to the royal bath. Send a couple of servants to attend to the lady's needs. I look forward to your presence in my bedchamber after dinner, my lady."

"Uuu... how has it come to this?" I asked myself as I was led to the prince's bedchamber by his knight Carlton.

In my hand was a tray carrying a bottle of what was supposed to be the best wine in the River Country and two empty goblets. I was wearing the sheer teddy, a poor excuse for clothes that reached just under my pubic mound. Considering that it was totally sheer though, it was absolutely pointless. As Malcolm, I would have loved to see my girlfriend wearing this, whenever I had a girlfriend. Unfortunately they were all total snobs. So until my death at 29 years old, I never had any thought of getting married.

Now I'm going to lose my virginity to someone I've only met twice. Oh the shame!

"This is his highness's bedchamber, my lady. Please enter through here," Carlton said as he opened the single door on the right wall.

"Alright, this is it," I murmured as I entered the open door. As soon as I was through, Carlton closed the door behind me without making much of a sound.

In front of me was a wooden partition, with an opening to the left. There was a table on the corner to my right, with a pot containing live roses. I had wondered how I was going to get this to work, but thankfully, there was a chance here. I took off the pendant around my neck that carried what remained of the Tincture of Truth. I opened the glass lid and poured everything into the open bottle of wine. Then I put the empty vial back around my neck and swallowed a couple of the antidote pills. Taking a deep breath, I picked up the tray and walked around the partition, seeing the prince lying down under the covers, reading a book without clothes on.

I placed the tray on the table beside the bed and bowed to the prince, "Lady Felicia Belphere Metrune greets Prince Hans."

He looked up from his book as if he noticed me for the first time, "You look pretty good in that."

"Thank you for the-"

"Of course it would've been better if you had some curves. You look flat as a washboard."

Them's fighting words, man.

I had to keep my anger in control as I forced a smile. "Excuse me for being flat as a washboard, your highness. I'm only 11."

"Anyway, come over to the bed," the prince said as he put down the book.

"Umm, you're not making room-"

"Go around. I always sleep on the right side of the bed."

Jerk!

I grabbed a goblet and asked the prince, "Would you like a drink, your highness?"

"No thanks. I don't drink poisoned wine."

I almost let go of the goblet but managed to control my shock. "Why-why do you think it's poisoned? Carlton was the one who chose this. Are you saying your own knight wants to kill you?"

"No, Carlton's very loyal. I'm talking about you. You spent some time behind the partition, didn't you? What is it, Graveweed Concentrate? Or could it be Leptum Sap? You Forlendians love Leptum Sap, don't you?"

"Wh-what are those? I've never even heard of them!"

"Am I supposed to believe you, my lady?"

"Jerk!" I said as I sat at the edge of the bed on his side while pouring myself some wine.

"My lady, I said I don't want it."

"It's for me, you lolicon jerk! And move over! I'm about to fall here."

I downed the whole goblet of wine. It was quite sweet. Nice aroma too. Not too strong, but then again perhaps Carlton was mindful of the fact that I was a child. I'll have to ask Carlton where he got this wine from.

"My lady, just because your mission failed, doesn't mean you have to commit suicide."

"I'm not committing suicide, you jerk! Why don't you keep reading your book while I finish this bottle myself," I said as I poured myself my second goblet of wine.

The prince simply looked on as I downed my second goblet of wine. If I was going to lose my virginity to someone I barely knew, I'd like to keep myself drunk so that I wouldn't have to remember the moment. I had decided to accept my femininity and the fact that I would have to lie down with a man one day, but I guess I still wasn't ready for it.

"Is it not poisoned?" the prince asked after watching me finish the third goblet of wine.

"It's definitely poisoned! There's snake venom, some of that graveweed, some of that leptum stuff. Oh I also put paint thinner in as well," I said as I poured myself my fourth helping.

"What is paint thinner?"

"Oh, it's a kind of poison that you use to burn people alive. If you drink it, your body will explode like glass. Very nasty stuff."

Oh, I could tell that I was starting to get a good buzz going.

"Give me," he said as he reached for the goblet in my hand.

"No way! Go get your own!" I said before finishing it all.

"You're hear to serve me, remember? Pour me one," he said when he saw me gulp it all down.

"Royal jerk!" I said as I moved to take the other goblet.

"No, I want the one you're drinking from."

"Wait, that would make it an indirect kiss!"

"You're half naked on my bed and you're worried about an indirect kiss?"

"Good point. Here," I said as I poured him some wine and handed it to him.

He swirled the wine inside the goblet, sniffed it, probably for poison, then slowly drank it. He waited for a few minutes while slapping away my hand that tried to take the goblet from him. After a few minutes of fighting for that one goblet, he declared that there was no poison and told me to pour him more. I poured it as told, but snuck a drink while he was distracted touching my thigh. When he noticed, I had finished my fifth goblet.

Without realizing it, I was already lying on top of him as we shared wine from the same goblet several times. We shared several deep kisses too, with tongue, but it wasn't because I liked him or anything. I was still lucid despite being a little giggly, perhaps influenced from my previous life's alcohol tolerance.

As Malcolm, I could outdrink anyone. Malcolm was one of those magical people who couldn't get drunk. In the eyes of some people, Malcolm was more magical than a unicorn. Still, I wondered when the tincture would start working on him. Or perhaps I had drunk everything? Could it be that there was no longer any amount of the tincture when he started drinking? Did I mess up?

Suddenly he went quiet. At first I thought he was asleep, but when I said, "Who are you?" he replied with, "Hans The Great".

Wow, such a conceited answer. Do you even realize that nobody actually calls you by that name?

"What do you think about Lady Felicia?"

"Beautiful, but flat as a board."

Do you want me to punch you, jerk? Whose hands was it that groped my butt and flat chest just now, you lecherous jerk? That's it, from now on, your name is Hands. Not Hans, Hands. Prince Hands The Groping Lolicon!

Still, since it worked I got up from the bed. With a goblet of wine in one hand, my teddy in disarray, my face flushed and my voice giggly, I looked like a drunk prom date. I opened the door with difficulty and saw Carlton standing watch outside.

I poked my head out the door. "Heeey Caarltoooon. The prince called. Ah, but don't come right away. I'm not dressed."

He nodded his understanding as I closed the door and walked unsteadily towards the bed. Snuggling against the prince, from the left side of the bed, I readied myself for the plan I thought of in the bath. When I heard the door open, I snuggled closer to the prince, with my lips next to his left ear. I posed as a shy maiden, hiding my face beside the prince's.

"Did you call for me, your highness?"

"Yes, I did, Carlton," I whispered into the prince's ear, which he echoed word by word.

"The lady and I have agreed on a ransom of 200 gold. Release all the prisoners and send them to her ship," I whispered again, which he again echoed word by word.

"All, your highness? At 200 gold? I'm sorry, we shouldn't do that, your highness. The expenses alone-"

I got mad. Seriously, this thing has a time limit, I can't have him argue with the prince! What will happen if he passes out in the middle of an argument?

"Do not question me, Carlton! You are here to follow my orders. When I say release them all, you release them all. Don't argue with me! Is that clear?" I whispered into the the prince's ear.

But what came out was "Denocotomecotton!Ueeereofolowmyord.eniseelesemoluurelesemolonaguemiitake "

"Ah? What language was that, your highness?"

I guess that was too complicated. (lol)

"Don't question me, Carlton. Just do it," I whispered again with much simpler words.

Thankfully it worked this time.

"Yes, your highness. I will do as you ordered," Carlton made a salute.

"Also, import toilet paper from Mruna," I couldn't help but add a shameless plug.

"Toilet paper? From Mruna? I will ask the chamberlain to handle it, your highness."

"Good, go," I whispered, but this was not repeated. It seemed like the time limit was up.

"What are you waiting for? How long are you going to stand there?" I said directly.

"I shall go right away, my lady," he said before turning around and leaving us alone.

Now that everything went according to plan, I went back to the bathroom, changed clothes, then met up with Kaito (my name is Keito). I had him hand the 200 gold to Carlton. After confirming that everyone was released, I told Carlton that I had to leave and asked him to hand the prince a letter I wrote for him. He accepted it, and after confirming that the prince was still alive, he allowed us to leave the castle. We arrived at the ship just after midnight.

It was a success! I got out of it with my chastity intact! Yay me!

******

But something was wrong. There were too many people on the ship!

"Mr. Lars, who are all these people?"

"They're the people the prince released from the dungeon, captain."

"But there are too many people here. Forget 100 people, I think there are even more than 200 people. And some of them are even bringing their families on board!"

"You didn't know, captain?"

"Know what?"

"Not only Forlendian prisoners, they sent us everyone in their dungeon, captain. That includes criminals and other undesirables. Many of them met up with their families and brought them along."

"Wait... criminals? How many in total?"

"315 people, not including Forlendian prisoners of war, captain. This also doesn't include the children."

Good ancestors! I have to feed this many people?!

"Kaito!"

"Yes princess?"

"Take this gold. Have Taito take you to the house of either Merchant Soom or Merchant Malor. Ask them to sell you enough supplies for 200 people for a week. Tell them Felicia sent you."

"Yes, princess!" Keito saluted as he dragged the now dry Taito to the port.

After his royal dunking, I had decided to make a compromise. I told him that he would be my spy in the River Country and he would be allowed to steal or rob anyone, as long as he sent me information about Lytis in the future. His salary would be 1 gold for each piece of useful information, delivered by Kaito in the future.

Still, what should I do with all these illegal immigrants?

"Mr. Lars, do a survey. I want to know who these people are, how many in their family and what skills they have."

"Now, my lady?"

"No, next week. Of course now! Get it done by sunrise!"

******

"This should be all, princess. Are you sure this is enough, princess?" Kanto asked as he ticked off the last of the barrels containing food and fresh water for our voyage home. I was quite surprised when he showed that he could actually read and write. Most people in this region who were neither nobles nor merchants often couldn't read even if their lives depended on it.

"It's probably not enough, but if we bring too much food, there'll be less living space. Let's just hope the amount we presently carry is enough. If not, we'll just stop by Wamor or Hollehafen on our way home," I said while watching Mr. Lars, my second mate, conduct interviews of every man and woman who came on board.

Apparently the longboat couldn't carry all the supplies to the ship, so he had to buy three rowboats to help carry it with the leftover money I gave him. They still needed two trips to carry it all but it was good that the loading of supplies proceeded smoothly. I wondered if some of the less desirable people could be persuaded to sleep in the boats on our way home.

So far, we had carpenters, cooks, masons, glassblowers, a medicus, a school teacher, a mime (yes, seriously, a mime!), bards, fishermen, construction workers and what appeared to be a glee club. They had been singing non-stop from the moment they came on board. Such noise! What could make them so happy as to keep on singing for that long?

There were also thieves, thugs and cutthroats as well. That Surfesian bastard really cleaned house this time and dumped it all on me. And I actually fell for this trick! How stupid.

There were still about 150 people left, and I already feared a mutiny. To avoid any unnecessary incidents, I had the spear sentries, the women and children relocated to decks 2 and 3. Those from Mruna and Renus slept on decks 3 and 4 while the rest slept on deck 5. It was cramped, like a can of sardines. There must have been more than 500 people on board now.

"Hey, Fel!" a rather deep voice called from somewhere in the crowd.

"Yes, big brother Yucks, what do you want?" I asked while leaning against the starboard railing. If only I could throw all these people into the Mrun River.

"Why do you keep mispronouncing my name?" my big brother asked.

"Why do you keep shortening my name?" I asked back.

"Fel is easier to pronounce. What's your excuse?"

"Yucks is more amusing to say aloud."

He made a grimace as if holding in his shit. But instead of taking a dump, he said, "Father and I have been wondering, where do we sleep? It seems like all the private quarters were taken by the other nobles."

"Talk to Gani, ask him for two extra hammocks. You and father will sleep in my cabin."

"Where do I find Gani? How does he look like again?"

"Third deck. He's the quartermaster. He's 10 years old."

"A quartermaster at 10 years old? How weird!"

"Or you can sleep with the fishes. Your choice."

"I didn't say I wouldn’t see him!" he grumbled as he took the rear staircase towards the lower decks.

Without caring whether he actually managed to find Gani or not, I opened the door to my cabin and entered wordlessly. In front of me was the crown prince, sleeping soundly in a hammock tied to the ceiling. At his side was Lili, who were feeding him some kind of liquid through a straw.

"How is he, Lili?"

"Sleeping like a baby, my lady. As long as I keep feeding him the Sleep Draught every five hours, he won't be waking up at all."

"Very good. Are you coming to bed, Lili?"

"B-bed? Can I, my lady?"

"We've slept together for a week, it will feel weird sleeping by myself when we're so close to each other, Lili," I said as I laid down on the bed.

"Th-then, if you're okay with me, my lady, but-"

"Come, Lili," I called her with my hand as I laid on my side.

"Yes, my lady!" Lili gushed in happiness as she laid herself beside me.

We slept snuggled to each other, just like before that pest Sul appeared.

******

I woke up hugging something soft and small. Somehow, Lili felt very fluffy. The size was also a little smaller than usual. And what's with this flat chest...

WHAT THE HELL?!!!

I woke up abruptly. My eyes opened wide as I looked at the thing I was holding.

It was the pest! Why was she here? How could she be here? What? How? Why?

"Uhn? Oh good morning, big sister Feli," she said groggily.

I grabbed her by the collar, opened the cabin's window and threw her out into the Mrun River. That was not Sul. That was an evil spirit. Yup, an evil spirit. Not even a human, or an animal. Just an evil spirit. Oh, if anyone asks, let's just say I was hallucinating. Yup, that's good.

Suddenly the door opened, and... "That was a good bath. I feel so refreshed now. Thanks, big sister Feli."

In front of me, standing at the open doorway, was the evil spirit. She was soaked from head to toe. Her plain white dress that had been dry was now wet, dripping dark water on the wooden floor. In the darkness of the cabin, she looked like an avenging spirit from the bottom of the sea.

"Gyaaaaa!!!!" I screamed in terror.

"My lady?" Lili appeared behind the evil spirit.

"Lili, I'm haunted. I'm haunted!"

"Eh? Haunted? What do you - wait, we have a bigger problem right now actually, my lady!" Lili said as she handed the evil spirit a towel from the closet and dragged me outside.

I stood on the aftcastle and before me were a lot of triremes. After we arrived near the port, most of the triremes that escorted us went away, leaving only six patrolling triremes passing by us from time to time. Right now though, I could see that we were surrounded by 13 triremes.

Did they found out I poisoned their prince?

"Anyone can tell me how long they've been here?"

"Since dawn, captain," Mr. Lustri answered, "They're not doing anything, just... watching... it seems."

"Have they said anything yet?"

"None, I tried to ask them to make way through flag signal, but they wouldn't even answer."

"Strange... I wonder if they're picking a fight. Wake all able-bodied men. Arm them with something, but keep them out of sight."

"Aye, captain," Mr Lustri said as he left for the lower decks.

While waiting for any sign of change from the trireme fleet surrounding us, I laid out a plan in case they were going to fight. I looked at the survey that Mr. Lars did last night and from there, I assigned 40 men to each to Mr. Lustri and Captain Kento and they were going to take a longboat each to protect the brig. I left the strategies to them, but they would generally rely on quick hit and run tactics, which would include bowmen firing arrows at officers (Mr. Lustri) as well as quick boarding and demolition (Captain Kento). For that matter, I had them discreetly move weapons into their longboats in crates and barrels, masking it as usual loading of cargo. I also placed some lollipop explosives near the ballistas.

I also asked the knights to give a crash course on weapons handling on the deck below to the men. As for the women, I had the spear sentries handle their crash course training, but with so many men, it would be unlikely for them to have to fight except to keep the enemy from entering the hold. For those who couldn't fight, such as those without an arm or a leg, I had them learn how to row the forty sweeps of the brig. All we had to do then, was wait.

We didn't have to wait long. Four hours after dawn, a newly arrived trireme sailed very close towards us. I had Captain Konto move his longboat to the other side of the ship, to avoid those in that trireme from seeing the inside of the longboat. When that trireme stopped about twenty feet away from my ship, a man walked up to the bow. From the demeanor and the flashy leather armour, I imagined he was someone fairly high ranked.

"Greetings to Forlendian ship. I am Duke Rafjar The Victorious. Who commands your ship?" the man in flashy armour introduced himself.

"Good morning, I am Captain Felicia Belphere Metrune. Am I right in assuming that it is by your order that these ships are blocking our way home?"

"Indeed, it was I who gave that order."

"May I ask why?"

"You sailed a warship into our waters. You, Forlendians. It can only be construed as an act of intimidation, if not an act of war."

"An act of intimidation?! How many times do I have to keep waving the letter from the Duke of Renus? We are here to ransom our people from Prince Hans! Due to the large number of hostages we needed a large ship. Go ask Prince Hans how many people we ransomed!"

Oh wait, he's probably still asleep. I dumped a lot of the Tincture of Truth into the bottle of wine.

"Or just ask his knight Carlton!" I added.

"I do not know nor do I care about your arrangements with the prince. As far as I know, you are a threat to Surfes and Lytis, and therefore I must ask you to surrender your ship and prepare to be boarded."

"The prince didn't send you?"

"No. I do not take orders from the prince."

Phew! I thought we were blockaded because they found out I poisoned the prince.

"So surrender and I shall let you live and return to your homeland."

I see. So this is a ruse to steal my ship? Don't make me laugh.

"If you take my ship, how will we return home? There are around 500 people on board now, most of them are women and small children!"

"You may hire merchants to bring your people home. We will provide you escort into Forlendian waters. I promise you safe passage all the way to Wamor."

So not only you want me to give you my ship, you want me to pay merchants to transport us home? How obnoxious can you be?

"Would you allow me to discuss this with the nobles, duke? They may not like to leave their comfortable quarters."

"You have an hour," the duke said as he walked down the bow of his trireme.

"Captain, are we really giving up the ship?" Mr. Lustri asked once we were inside my cabin.

"Are you kidding me? Give these apes my ship? Do I look like some kind of pushover?"

Gani added an obvious fact. "We're facing 14 triremes, and who knows how many more on the way."

"Hum, that's the problem. Even if each of the lollipops can sink one ship, which would be too much to hope for, we'd still be facing 3 more triremes. That is if we're lucky that they can't bring reinforcements quick enough. With enough momentum, they can ram us and sink us."

"Then what should we do, captain?"

"Gani, how much base mrug do we still have?"

"We still have 18 barrels of base mrug, my lady. As you recall, we sold 6 barrels to your merchant friends."

"Gather everyone's mugs as well as their lids. If any mug doesn't have a lid, have the carpenter make one. I want at least 100 watertight mugs in half an hour. As soon as possible, have the spear sentries, the women and the unskilled children fill each of them with pure mrug and close it tightly. They are NOT to drink it."

"Are we having a party, my lady?" Gani asked.

"Do it. Now."

"Yes, my lady."

"Keizo-"

"Keito."

"Whatever, get your men ready. You and Mr. Lustri are going to do as we originally planned. Your duties will be to ensure that enemy triremes don't get close. If you need anything, load it now, but make it look like you're evacuating. You can use any method you can think of to stop them. If you have to sacrifice the longboats, do it. Make sure that the triremes can't ram the ship. This ship is now our castle, it must not fall!"

"So we're fighting, captain?" Mr. Lars asked.

"Absolutely. Also, have someone carry six barrels of mrug and place one of them at the bow near the ballista. Do the same with the rear ballista. But not too close, you hear?"

"Ahhh, ok?" Mr. Lars nodded.

"While you're at it, Mr Lars, deploy all four of our rowboats. Fill them with flammable stuff like straw, paper or woodchips and tie the other four barrels of mrug to the front of the rowboats."

I'm so glad that Keizo bought us additional boats last night.

"Captain, are we going to fight or give them a bribe?"

"Oh, we're going to have a festival. Huhuhuhuhu."

An hour later, Duke Rafjar The Victorious (lol) came up to the bow of his trireme.

"It's time, little girl, what's your decision?"

"Nyeh!" I taunted with my tongue out.

"Impudent brat! Archers, fire!"

"Shields!" I ordered as the spear sentries stacked up wooden square shields that completely protected one side of the deck from arrows in two levels.

This shield was different from a spear sentry standard issue shield. For one, it was completely square, flat and featureless. It was basically a series of planks nailed together by two wooden bars. When used, it could be stacked atop another in two levels, causing anyone behind it to be fully protected. It created a shaded area eight feet tall that was completely safe from arrows. We couldn't use these back during the night raid by the pirates because we were caught by surprise, but we had plenty of time for this battle.

"Ballistas, fire lollipops! Closest ships first!"

The three ballistas then fired their explosive payloads. As they had already taken some time to aim at their targets, their attacks struck true. Three triremes were sunk within the first two minutes of battle. Meanwhile, I had a surprise of my own.

"Hey duke!" I said as I threw the lollipop in my hand. Its fuse already burning, I said, "Here's a present from the beautiful Lady Felicia! Hahahaha."

Despite seeing three of his triremes sunk, he still couldn't comprehend how it happened. Therefore, he couldn't tell that what I was throwing was actually the cause. As with all unidentified thrown things, the natural decision would definitely be to evade. So he did. Too bad for him, the lollipop fell into the lower decks of his trireme. Can you guess what happened?

BOOM! Even as his leaking trireme was filled with water, he still couldn't understand what actually happened. That idiotic look that was a mixture of shock and incomprehension was classic. It was priceless!

The general is down. I repeat. The general is down. Muhahahahah!

Unfortunately, the lollipops weren't as much of a technological edge I had hoped for. Perhaps it would've performed better had I carried more, but with only 11, there was a limit to how many ships it could sink. As it was, only 5 successfully sunk a trireme each. 4 of them were used to sink two ships when the first ones failed to open a breach on the hull. The rest missed the ships completely. As the enemy triremes started circling the ship to bring their firepower (arrows) to the unshielded side, it was time for Plan B.

"Split shields to starboard. Protect the ballistas. Bring up the mrugs!" I commanded.

"Wait, my lady, you can't be serious!" Mr. Lars said as my young crewmen brought up casks filled with watertight, mrug-filled handle-less mugs towards all three ballistas.

"Drench the mugs!" I said, to which the mugs were drenched in more mrugs. I could hear sounds of pleading from around me.

"Aim, set flames, fire!" I ordered as the ballistas launched their flaming projectiles towards the triremes in range.

There was a resounding "Noooooooo!!!" from the whole ship. I ignored the look of despair among the crewmates around me. Not only that, I also ignored the tears of the ballista crews. We had more important things to think about than their chance of getting drunk.

"Ballistas, fire mrugs at will!" I ordered as fireballs made up of flaming wooden mugs filled with flammable beverage flew in the air three at a time.

"Captain, please, stoooopp!!!" Mr. Lars begged on his knees.

"If you have the time to grovel, I suggest you start launching the fireboats now."

"But they're carrying mrug!"

"Launch it!"

Reluctantly and with tears wetting his face, Mr. Lars gave the order to launch the rowboats filled with straw, woodchips, paper and a whole barrel of mrug towards the approaching enemy triremes. The boats manned by five sailors each then approached the approaching enemy triremes and with tears in their eyes, set fire to the straw and jumped out. As the triremes smashed into the boats at high speed they crushed the barrels of mrug into pieces, causing the mrug inside to spatter against the ships and catch fire. Before they could even reach my ship, the whole front part of the triremes were in flames and their rowing crew simply escaped into the water. It was easy to avoid the burning ships afterward.

We managed to destroy all 14 triremes simply from the sheer act of surprise attack.

Unfortunately, we couldn't celebrate just yet, as the second wave, a fleet consisting of 12 more triremes[,] approached fast. I immediately ordered the ballistas to concentrate their fire on one trireme at a time. We managed to set the lead ships on fire, but many others escaped or failed to catch fire.

I noticed that the ones that had a direct hit but failed to catch fire were all spanking new ships. I deduced that the older the ships were, the easier to have it set on fire. It was probably related to the level of wood rot.

"Ballistas, aim towards port-bow, fire at will! Archers, put pressure at starboard. Shields, protect the ballistas!"

Just as I finished giving orders, a trireme that was on a ramming speed towards my ship was hit from the portside by the Stare Vipers. The whole frontal part of the longboat was smashed, but it succeeded in diverting the trireme's path, eventually causing it to miss the ship by a small margin. As their longboat started to sink, they threw grapnel at the trireme they had diverted and boarded it in just a couple of minutes. As expected of pirates.

As battle raged on the trireme that Captain Kento boarded, Mr. Lustri's longboat performed hit and run tactics consisting of archers firing at visible officers as well as a liberal use of flaming mugs of mrug. They basically tied the mugs with linen ropes, set them on fire, then spun the mugs over their heads while holding on to the end of the rope before lobbing it into the triremes. Just by themselves, they managed to set fire to 4 triremes.

Three of the triremes managed to ram the ship, but thanks to its sturdy construction, they couldn't puncture the hull. The large number of wrecks around us likely helped too, as they helped reduce the momentum of the ramming ships. It's like threading the needle around a bunch of wrecks on a highway, you can't go fast. The wrecks of triremes around the ship actually helped shield us from ramming attacks as the triremes couldn't use their main weapon, the ramming head.

We managed to set fire to one of them by throwing a whole barrel into the trireme from the top deck and throwing a torch into it after it smashed against the deck. One of the triremes that rammed us was abandoned when we peppered them with arrows. Unfortunately, the same wrecks that shielded us from their ramming attacks also slowed our movements, as the debris and wrecks made it impossible to row effectively.

The crew of the other trireme managed to board the ship. Thankfully, we had more soldiers on board now and they managed to hold the boarders on deck. I shot them whenever I could, but the real MVPs of the battle on board the brig were the knights and nobles that we ransomed from that perverted prince. For the first time, I was able to watch father and Yucks's prowess with their swords. Watching Yucks, I realized that it was absolutely inexcusable that he was still an apprentice knight.

All in all, we destroyed 21 triremes and captured 3. The other two triremes fled in fear.

A third wave consisting of 8 more ships from somewhere else also arrived later. When they saw all the burning wrecks around us, they didn't even bother getting close. It was a wise choice. It was also a good development for us, as we ran out of mugs to throw at them. Until we reached port, the crew would have to share their mugs with each other.

We lost all four rowboats, one longboat and around 80 dead or missing. There were many injuries, some severe and that would probably cause them to be crippled for the rest of their lives. Let’s not count the enemy's casualties. Mr. Lustri tried to find and save as many of our crewmen that fell into the water, but he couldn't find many of them.

We did recover Duke Rafjar The Victorious (lol) and two of his men, though. He was wet and his leather armour clung tightly to his body, probably causing him much pain now. I had the sailors kick his knees, making him kneel on the top deck.

"Apologize to my crew for the lives you cost us today," I said.

"I am a duke! I do not apologize!"

I looked down at this prideful duke. "Let's see, if you don't apologize, you'll become a dead duke in about one swing. Do you think you're able to do that, Keizo?"

"It's Keito, princess."

I gave a Keizo a glare.

He coughed. "Not that it matters, princess. Yes, actually I wonder if I can do that. It will probably take me several swings to kill him."

"Hum, I'm sorry it will be a very painful death for you, duke. So why don't you save yourself the trouble and just apologize?"

"I will not apologize."

"Keizo, slash his leg."

"Which one, princess?"

"Pick one."

"Wait! Wait! I-I apologize..." he said quietly.

"Ha? I can't hear anything. Does anyone hear that?"

A resounding 'no' was heard from everyone around me. Some even added encouragements for a death penalty.

"I'm sorry."

"Louder, duke!"

"I'M SORRY!" he cried, his face looking down.

"See? That wasn't so bad. Now kiss my boots."

"What?" he asked back. It seemed like he still had some fight in him.

"Kiss my boots."

"You! How dare you! I'm a duke!"

"Oh? Someone please start cutting up his legs."

"WAIT!" he cried, before he bowed lower on his knees and kissed my boots, one after another.

"Very good, because you kissed my foot like a good dog, I'll let you live today. Now everyone, throw these losers off my ship," I said as I instructed the sailors to get the duke and his two lackeys off my ship.

Mr. Lustri made one final sweep of the waters for our men, but he only managed to recover two more who were shivering from being in the cold water for so long. As the evening sun set, we departed from the waters of Lytis, leaving behind the burning wrecks of enemy triremes and the crewmen that we couldn't recover. Most of the men were moved to the three triremes, led by Mr. Lustri, Captain Keiso and Mr. Lars. Gani, my quartermaster took over as Abundance of Lollipop's second in command.

It was unfortunate that so many died, but for that price, we killed hundreds, perhaps thousands of Surfesian soldiers. As a final service, we as a whole prayed for their eventual reincarnation and offered them some salt and ash to help in their long journey. May the ancestors watch over them.

Before we left though, I told Mr. Lustri to fire an arrow wrapped in a letter that I wrote towards the lead ship of the third wave. His arrow hit the captain of the lead ship, causing him to fall to the deck. It was an act worthy of praise.

"Mr. Lustri, not that I'm complaining, that was a good shot after all. But I thought I told you to hit the main mast?" I asked as I looked at the lead ship with my telescope.

"Aye captain, but it's hard to hit the target at this range and in the middle of the Mrun River."

Just then I saw the captain got up with the help of one of his crewmen. I breathed a sigh of relief that the arrow only hit the captain's arm. One of the crewmen unwrapped the letter around the arrow.

The letter reads:

Listen you Surfesian dogs,
 
You have been pwned by The Abundance of Lollipops. Just look around at the pathetic wrecks of your formerly vaunted trireme fleets. Your only option is to let us go our own way. If you dare send any ship in pursuit, I will turn around and burn Lytis to the ground as well as your whole fleet until even the night will become as bright as day from the flames that will lick your city and your ships.
 
You have been warned.
 

 
Captain Felicia Belphere Metrune.
That pretty lady that will make your mothers weep.

I later found out that on this day, my name carried along the title of 'Destroyer of Fleets'. So whenever Surfesian mariners spoke of me, they would call me 'Captain Felicia The Destroyer of Fleets'. Mr. Lustri became a legend as 'He Who Hits An Arm At 2 Miles'. Technically it wasn't even half a mile away, but you know how rumours got exaggerated over time. As for Duke Rafjar The Victorious (lol), his name was changed into Baron Rafjar The Bootkisser by his own men. Yes, his rank was also reduced to a baron by his own king after the great loss Surfesian navy suffered and he retired in shame shortly after.

It's good to have a spy in enemy country. I get to listen to all the funny gossip.

******

"And then mother said "Bring back souvenirs!" And I was like "Mother, we're not in Lytis to sightsee, you know?"”

Father chuckled listening to my stories.

"That sounds like your mother, alright. Always so adorable."

"Unn, childish is more like it though," I mumbled.

Then there was a knock on the door before it was opened wide and Mr. Lustri's face appeared. "Captain, we've arrived at the port. What are your orders?"

"Take us in slowly. Give the populace time to spread the news of our return. Allow all the soldiers we brought back to stand on the deck. Make sure they're seen."

You're probably wondering why I gave such an order. It's simply a publicity stunt.

"Aye, captain." Mr. Lustri saluted before he went out and closed the door behind him.

"Shall we go out as well, father?"

"Of course, being kept inside a dungeon made me think of home far too much," father said as he offered me his arm.

I hooked arms with father, walking side by side to the door... until we realized that the door was a little too small for both of us to walk side by side.

"After you," father said as he disengaged our arms.

I probably should have this door enlarged.

"Strange, I feel like we're missing something," father said when both he and Yucks were outside and looking at the port we were heading into. There was already a small crowd at the port, their cheers could be heard even from here.

I looked at the direction father was looking at and said, "Ah you mean the forest behind the port? I cut them down."

"You... cut... the forest? That forest... my grandfather... planted?"

"Yes, where else would I get all the timber?"

Eh? Father, why are you lying down on the floor so suddenly? Father, your mouth is foaming, are you okay? Oh! Is this what they call 'fainting with foaming mouth'?

Geez, I only took a quarter of the barony's timber supply. It's not like I cut down everything. Don't make such a big deal out of it. I'll replant everything, okay? Stop being so melodramatic over a bunch of trees.

 

 

*Thank you for reading. As usual, your comments are greatly appreciated. Please comment, your comments make me feel all fuzzy inside and motivates me greatly.
**Many thanks to awesome Eric for proofreading this chapter so quickly again.
***Thanks very much to Jkoc on that awesome mrug calculation.
****Also, I have an active blog now, come have a look at http://hugginglove.blogspot.com/
*****The main story for book one is done with this chapter. All that's left are the three side stories. Please wait for it.