“To Viks!” The five of us toast, clinking our glasses of champagne (or in Charlotte’s case, non-alcoholic champagne) together.

“Seriously, you guys,” Viks complains, “my birthday isn’t until tomorrow!”

“Yeah, but we’ve got to share you with a BOY tomorrow,” Hannah giggles. “Tonight it’s all girls, girls, girls!”

“And on that topic,” Mary giggles, “Jamie, where the hell did you get those amazing nails?” I laugh as I wave my extra-long fingernails for the girls, highlighting the shiny black polish that’s been applied to each one.

“May have done an endorsement for a new nail salon last week,” I laugh. “You like?”

“I NEED,” Mary says, examining my nails more closely.

“I DEMAND!” Viks giggles, taking my hand away from Mary. “This is exactly the colour I’ve been looking for for AGES…”

“Seriously, Viks,” Hannah teases, “you have, like, a hundred bottles of black nail polish!”

“None in THAT black I don’t!” Viks laughs. “Unless, of course, one of you maybe bought me some for tomorrow…?” The six of us all descend into fits of giggles as Viks looks expectantly at us.

“No spoilers!” Charlotte teases. “And honestly, if you guys want to go and dance, don’t mind me!”

“Nah, I’m much happier up here with my BFF!” I teases, giving the young woman- and her small bump- a quick cuddle. “And you need to show off that ‘maternity LBD’!”

“I need to rest my damned feet!” Charlotte giggles. “Honestly, go!” After exchanging a quick glance with each other, Krystie and Mary stand up, give Charlotte a quick hug and head down to the dancefloor together. Mere seconds later, Hannah and Viks follow suit, leaving me along in the VIP area with my BFF.

“Seriously, you can go too,” Charlotte says.

“Nah, I’m not leaving you alone,” I giggle, giving Charlotte another cuddle. “Besides, dancing’s no fun when you’ve got no one to dance with…”

“Oh god, Jamie…” Charlotte sighs. “I’m sure you and Stu will work things through. That IS what you want, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess…” I sigh. In truth, I’d give anything to be able to kiss and cuddle the gorgeous young man… But that’s not going to happen any time soon. Ever since my ‘mistake’ with Keith, my mind’s been a mess. I’m not great at keeping secrets, and when I accidentally yelled Keith’s name during sex with Stuart… Let’s just say the shit hit the fan like a ten ton truck. Stuart and I are on an official ‘break’, and whilst both of us say it’s temporary, I know Stuart isn’t going to take me back until he trusts me again, and that could take a very long time.

Meanwhile, Keith and I have been in regular contact, and it’s been made clear to me that he’d be more than happy to start a relationship with me- something I now need to keep secret from my BFF. Even though she accepts 100% responsibility for her relationship with Keith ending, if I were to get with Keith, it’d be like rubbing salt into an open wound, something I simply can’t do to my BFF, especially in her current condition, and especially since I've moved back in with her full-time to help her with the baby.

Charlotte doesn’t even know Keith and I had sex, which is nothing short of a minor miracle. And yet… As much as I wish I could pick up from where I left off with Stuart, my heart races whenever I think about Keith. He was the first man I ever had any form of sexual contact with, he was the first man I ever had ‘regular’ intercourse with, and he’ll always remain the first man I ever fell in love with. That’s a feeling that simply doesn’t go away, no matter my feelings for anyone else.

Both Keith and Stuart will be at Viks’s party tomorrow, just to add to the awkwardness. I’ve even bought both men Christmas presents- albeit ‘appropriate’ presents, non-intimate ones for a girl to get a non-romantic male friend, but I find myself wishing that I could buy so much more… I just don’t know who I want to buy it FOR.

Between Charlotte’s pregnancy, Mary’s baby at home and the need to get up early tomorrow to prepare for the party, we don’t stay at the club for long. After the Angelmobile (which the six of us clubbed together to buy from Keith) drops myself and Charlotte home, we prepare to enter our house when we’re interrupted by a pleading voice from behind.

“Girls!” The familiar voice of Hannah yells. “Please please please can we have a sleepover?” Charlotte and I simply look at each other and giggle- we both know how pointless it is to try to dissuade the tall girl.

“Come on,” Charlotte says, earning a cheer and a hug from Hannah. “Though this time, we’re NOT dressing up in leotards and doing the ‘Single Ladies’ dance!”

“Aww,” I giggle, “that sounds fun!”

“It’s too cold to sleep on your sofa,” Hannah complains. “Can I sleep in your spare room?”

“We don’t have a spare room,” Charlotte says. “It’s already been converted into a nursery, and the other two rooms are full of gym equipment and our computers.”

“Can I sleep in Jamie’s spare room, then?” Hannah asks.

“I don’t HAVE a spare room,” I giggle, knowing immediately despite my tipsy state where Hannah’s argument is going.

“Your spare bed then,” Hannah pleads.

“I don’t have a spare bed,” I sigh, before pre-emptively giggling at Hannah’s final argument.

“Well then,” Hannah says overdramatically, “I guess I’m going to have to sleep in YOUR bed then!” I shriek and laugh as Hannah wraps her arms around me from behind and gives me a long, tight hug, before rhythmically dancing both our bodies together.

“I’m a single lady…” Hannah sings, before shrieks of laughter from both myself and Charlotte silence her. Within twenty minutes, both Hannah and I have climbed underneath my warm sheets and are snuggled together against the cold December night.

“Don’t you, um, have to do your dildo thing?” Hannah asks.

“Nah, only need to do that once a day now I’m past six months,” I say. “Dilated before I went out.”

“Good,” Hannah laughs. “This bed tonight is ‘vaginas only’!” I grimace slightly as I’m reminded that for the past seven months, the boy I’ve been sharing my bed with ALSO possesses a vagina…

“Oh god, I’m sorry Jamie,” Hannah cringes, obviously realising the same thing. “I- I just forget sometimes…”

“Don’t worry about it,” I say, playfully snuggling with the tall girl. “You know, I actually have a hard time remembering what it was like to have a penis?”

“Seriously?” Hannah asks. “Even though it was, like, 22 years of your life?”

“22 years of my PAST,” I laugh. “It’s my present and my future I’m more interested in!”

“Hehe!” Hannah giggles, playfully snuggling with me. “And does that future include a MAN?”

“You can talk!” I tease. “How long have you been single now, ten months?”

“Almost two years, if you count dating that waste of space Martin as being single,” Hannah sighs. “I figure the longer I remain single, the more convinced my fans become that they have a shot with me, the more money I end up making! And if I need to snuggle, well, that’s what friends are for, right?”

“Right!” I say. “Though men’s bodies are also nice to snuggle up next to…”

“Well, I’m happy with your most definitely NOT a man’s body for now!” Hannah giggles. “Get some sleep, MISS Burke, we’ve got a long day tomorrow!”

“Anything you say, MISS Dexter!” I tease, turning off the light and quickly falling asleep.

After waking up the following morning, I shower, dilate (I only have to dilate once a day but I’ve been told additional dilations would be beneficial) and dress in a warm black bodysuit, black tights and a tight grey miniskirt before gently shaking Hannah awake.

“Hey,” I whisper to the slumbering girl, who stirs and moans as she opens her eyes.

“Mmph,” Hannah mumbles. “Why did you let me drink so much last night…?”

“Seriously?” I ask.

“Alright, I know, I know,” Hannah. “Couldn’t you have at least TRIED to stop me?”

“Again, seriously?” I giggle, making Hannah laugh as she heads into the shower.

“Point taken!” The tall girl yells from under the roaring water.

“Have you got your costume here?” I ask, examining my own scarlet outfit for the night.

“Yep,” Hannah says excitedly. “Can’t wait to show it off!”

“I can’t believe Viks, of all people, asked for this theme,” I muse. “Has this always been her favourite film?”

“Yep,” Hannah laughs. “Admittedly it was me who introduced her to the film when we were both fifteen…”

“That must have gone down well with Viks’s dad!” I quip, making Hannah laugh even louder. As I gently stroke the red satin of the costume, a wicked smile creeps across my face- Stuart and Keith are DEFINITELY going to be ‘interested’ by the sight of me in this outfit…

“Are Viks’s parents coming?” I ask.

“I’m not sure,” Hannah says softly, exiting my shower and making a beeline for my hairdryer. “I mean, they were asked… For obvious reasons, Viks’s brothers weren’t invited, I dunno if Viks has said that they’ll be having a family meal next week or not. They never used to, given that it’s so close to Christmas…”

“It’d be a shame,” I muse. “I know better than anyone what it’s like to be estranged from your parents…”

“Aww,” Hannah says, giving me a quick hug despite the fact she isn’t fully dry. “But you had the best sisters in the world, and so does Viks!”

“Yeah!” I cheer happily. Less than ten hours later, I find myself stood- along with all the other Angels, minus Charlotte- in front of a captivated audience wearing a red satin overbust corset, a flimsy satin thong and black stockings, along with lacy gloves, a frivolously tiny top hat perched on top of my head and thick stage make-up.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Charlotte- wearing a slinky gold gown that’s clearly been inspired by turn of the (20th) century fashion- announces to the thronging crowd. “It is the year 1900, the streets outside are cold, but it’s always warm in here! Welcome: to the Moulin Rouge!” On cue, all five of us- with Viks at the front, of course- begin gyrating seductively as the opening strains of ‘Lady Marmalade’ fill the vast room. Our dance is only two minutes long, but by the end of it, everyone in the room is in an absolute frenzy of excitement, much to our combined delight! After we take our bows, Jonathan steps onto the stage to give Viks- the birthday girl and his girlfriend- a long, happy kiss.

“You were PERFECT,” Jonathan says, lovingly holding Viks’s hands. “Even if you are keeping the blonde hair!” Viks giggles as Jonathan raises their hands to chest level, holding them close to his heart.

“But blonde hair or not,” Jonathan continues, “You are truly the most beautiful, wonderful woman in the entire world. No, more than that: you are truly the most beautiful, wonderful PERSON in the world. Ever since you came into my life last year, I’ve been the happiest man alive, and I don’t want this happiness to ever end.” The entire room gasps as Jonathan slowly sinks to one knee. “Victoria Emily Brooks, will you please marry me?”

“Oh my god!” Viks squeaks hysterically as Jonathan produces a ring box containing a sparkling diamond ring. “Oh my god, Jon! Yes! Yes I will!” The entire room erupts in thunderous applause and cheering as Jonathan carefully slips the ring onto Viks’s slim, perfectly manicured finger.

“Oh my god, Viks!” Hannah squeaks, giving a massive hug to her BFF and her new fiancé. “This is so A-MAZ-ING!”

“Glad you approve,” Viks giggles, still nearly freaking out from the excitement. “Miss Maid of Honour!” Hannah squeaks incoherently and huge Viks tightly at the news, whilst the rest of us Angels look on with huge grins on our faces. Just over five minutes later, after the room has slightly calmed down, we six Angels find ourselves on the sofas at the side of Charlotte’s vast ball room, desperately trying to deflect away all the attention Viks (and her ring!) is getting so that we can talk in private.

“Oh my god oh my god,” Viks breathes, fanning herself with her hands. “I- I can’t believe this!”

“This is so cool!” Charlotte squeaks, giving the curvy girl a tight hug. “You’re gonna get a bridal shower, a hen night…”

“And unlike me, you won’t be heavily pregnant when you do so!” Mary jokes, comparing her own engagement ring with Viks’s. “Oh god, um, Charlotte, I’m sorry, I-“

“Oh, don’t worry,” Charlotte laughs, patting her belly. “Unless you’re planning on a lightning fast engagement!”

“And unless you’re pregnant yourself!” Krystie teases.

“Nooo,” Viks says, shaking her head. “No, no, no.”

“Not yet, anyway!” Hannah giggles, giving Viks a friendly hug. “Little Kristina-Leigh and little Keith Junior need a third playmate, after all!”

“Oh?” I giggle. “I thought those two were already married off to each other…”

“Oh, trust me, they are,” Charlotte says, making both herself and Mary giggle uncontrollably. “Nikki’s sister can be maid of honour, know anyone else who’s pregnant with a potential best man?” I wince slightly as Charlotte asks me this question.

“Stuart’s sister’s expecting a child- his older sister,” I say quietly, grimacing as I create an awkward pause.

“I could always poke a hole in Mikey’s condoms,” Krystie jokes, making the group laugh again- with the obvious exception of Charlotte, who forces a smile on her face.

“No, enough pregnancy!” Charlotte jokes. “I don’t want the next party I throw to be knee-deep in nappies!”

“God, you’ll be lucky if you’re only knee-deep!” Mary teases. Sensing that the conversation is going to descend into an evening of baby talk, I make my excuses and sashay across to the bar. On the way, I can’t help but look back at the new happy couple, particularly the birthday girl- when I first met Viks, I’d never have imagined that she’d ever have agreed to dance on stage wearing ANY form of costume, let alone a bright red corset and a skimpy thong, and yet there she was, not just keeping up with but leading classically-trained dancers like myself and Krystie and having an absolute blast doing so. Then again, four years ago, I’d never imagined myself ever even WEARING a corset or a thong, let alone dancing on stage AND enjoying it! And a few short months from now, Viks will be a bride- which is more than can be said for me.

I’m hardly alone in being the ‘single Angel’ as I established last night, and I shouldn’t be envious of Viks, who deserves all the happiness in the world- especially since her falling out with her parents- but as I look at her and Jon, I can’t help but feel a pain in my heart. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t imagine my own proposal more than once, and ever since I got together with Stuart, I honestly thought we’d be the next couple to get engaged- but obviously that’s not going to happen now. However, when I imagine my proposal, it’s not always Stuart down on one knee- sometimes it’s Keith…

After I return from the bar, my drink in hand, I find that the ‘Angels’ group have dispersed- Charlotte and Mary into a corner to talk about babies, Viks and Hannah talking about weddings, with Krystie nowhere in sight- though I quickly find the tall girl arguing with Stuart in a quiet corner of the room. As I approach, my ex-boyfriend takes his cue to leave before we can exchange a word.

“What were you arguing about now?” I sigh as I sit down next to Krystie.

“Ugh,” Krystie spits. “He STILL won’t tell me why you two split up.”

“Umm, no offence, but did it ever occur to you that it might be private?” I ask.

“Yes…” Krystie says. “But even though WE’RE not going out any more, we’re still friends- at least, we’re supposed to be…”

“I cheated on him,” I say quietly, making Krystie gasp.

“You- nooo…” Krystie says, staring at me with disbelief. “You- you’re kidding, surely?”

“I wish I was,” I sigh. “It was a moment of weakness, just pure impulse…”

“Was it with anyone I know?” Krystie asks, making me seize with anxiety.

“Umm, I don’t think so,” I say. “It was just a guy I met and REALLY liked, one thing led to another…”

“Wow, and here I was thinking looking alike was the only thing you had in common with Charlotte,” Krystie says, earning a stern gaze from me. “I’m sorry, but- ugh, guess I have to apologise to Stuart now…”

“Just- just don’t give him a hard time, okay?” I ask, making Krystie nod and give me a quick, sad hug. “I should go talk to him…” Cautiously, I stand up and search for the attractive transman, who’s sat by himself on one of the couches at the side of the room.

“Hey,” I say softly, sitting down next to Stuart and fidgeting at the feel of the cold leather on my bare buttocks.

“Hi Jamie,” Stuart says coldly.

“I’ve set Krystie straight,” I whisper. “She shouldn’t have a go at you again.”

“You didn’t need to do that,” Stuart says. “I don’t mind being ‘the arsehole’, god knows I’ve got experience in that role…”

“You’re NOT an arsehole,” I laugh. “You just… I can’t really criticise, can I?” Stuart sadly shakes his head, before standing up.

“I need another drink,” Stuart mutters as he walks away, leaving me by myself. I barely have the chance to catch my thoughts when another pair of male buttocks fill the seat next to me- this time, the very cute buttocks of Keith Hartley.

“Hi Jamie,” Keith says with a warm smile on his face.

“Hi Keith,” I say, a smile involuntarily creeping onto my lips. “Enjoying the party?”

“Yeah,” Keith laughs. “Thought it’d be weird, this is my first time back here since- well, since… Jon asked me to come along to ‘back him up’ when he proposed. You’re looking at the official best man!”

“Jon chose well,” I say with a smile. “He didn’t want his uncle to be best man?”

“Nah, Joshua’s got the privilege of paying for the wedding,” Keith quips, making me giggle flirtatiously. “Jamie… I saw you talking with Stuart… Are you-“

“We’re still on a break,” I sigh. “It’s like he can’t even stand to be around me any more…”

“HIS loss,” Keith says, gently stroking my bare arm. I look up and briefly lock eyes with Charlotte, who is staring directly at me with a look of confusion on her face.

“NOT your gain,” I say, removing Keith’s hand. “I’m NOT doing that to Charlotte. And before you argue, DON’T tell me that she deserves it.”

“You can’t argue that we wouldn’t be great together,” Keith says quietly. “And I’ll keep on asking until you say yes, or until you find someone who makes you as truly happy as I know I would.”

“It’s too soon,” I say. “For both of us. All FOUR of us.”

“Does that imply,” Keith asks, “that there will come a time in the future where enough time has passed for it NOT to be too soon?” I open my mouth to reply, but my only options are either lying to Keith or agreeing with him- and neither option is one I want to take.

“I need a drink,” I say, leaving Keith alone on his sofa. I park myself on one of the bar stools and immediately smile as a tall glass is placed in front of me, but when I look up into the face of the bartender, the surprise causes my mind to snap.

“What the fuck!?!?” I yell, startling the nearby drinkers.

“Hello to you too Jamie,” the bartender says, standing up straight to reveal the tall, skinny body of Paul Gould.

“What the fuck are YOU doing here?” I hiss.

“Um, tending bar?” Paul says with a tone that implies I asked the stupidest question of all time. “You look like you need a drink, fancy a glass of absence?”

“You have real absinthe here?” I ask, holding out my glass for Paul to fill.

“No, not ‘absinthe’, ‘absence’,” Paul chuckles. “It’s just vodka and lime juice.” I take a sip of the drink and my eyes go wide as the strong alcoholic fumes penetrate my sinuses.

“I’d take it easy on it if I were you,” Paul chuckles.

“I intend to,” I laugh as I take another sip of the lethal-smelling spirit.

“You know…” Paul says, “it was about this time that we got together, three years ago, wasn’t it?”

“How’s your CURRENT girlfriend?” I ask bluntly. “Simone, wasn’t it?”

“…Is now my EX-girlfriend,” Paul sighs. “Turns out- and you’ll love this- turns out she was too ‘extreme’ for me, you know, in bed. And out of bed, on the kitchen table, suspended from the ceiling…”

“Seriously?” I laugh. “The guy who used to squeeze me into too small latex catsuits for his own sexual pleasure has finally met his match?”

“I actually still have one of those catsuits,” Paul giggles. “Obviously I don’t have any of the video footage any more…”

“Good!” I giggle, making Paul also laugh. “Sorry about you and Simone…”

“If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be,” Paul laughs. “I mean, I believe you yourself briefly went out with the guy who just got engaged, right?”

“It was barely two weeks,” I say, before giggling. “You know, I just realised, even though it’s Viks’s birthday, all the man I’VE ever had sex with are right here in this room…”

“And yet you’re currently single,” Paul sighs.

“How did you know about me and Stuart?” I ask.

“Same way I got invited to this party,” Paul chuckles, pointing at the dark-skinned man sat with his new fiancée. “Since I started working for Joshua I’ve been working with Jon a lot, we’ve become friends, he asked me to come to this party. Obviously I don’t hang out with the rest of the gang that much, I’d prefer to steer clear of Stuart as I like my eyes to both be the same colour, heh.”

“Hehe,” I giggle as I continue drinking the powerful drink. “Best not let him see us talking then!”

“Bit late for that, I think,” Paul laughs, pointing out the transman sat on one of the room’s sofas next to Hannah, laughing, talking… And doing a lot of what looks like flirting.

“I’ll be honest, I did actually make a pass at Hannah a while ago,” Paul says softly. “Me and the rest of the UK, heh! So good luck to him, I say.”

“Yeah,” I say, my stomach knotting from a combination of the alcohol and seeing my ex-lover getting intimate with one of my best friends. “Good luck to him…” I quickly finish my drink and, despite the queasy feeling in my stomach, shove my glass back in Paul’s face. “Another.”

“Umm, okay, but pace yourself with this one,” Paul says, pouring another ‘absence’ into the glass that I drink almost immediately.

“Another,” I say, though the feeling in my stomach tells me immediately that it would be a VERY bad idea.

“Umm… No,” Paul says cautiously. “That’s a REALLY bad idea…”

“Barpend-tarbend-tend a bar- Drink!” I yell, slamming down my glass.

“Okay, Father Jack,” Paul says, pouring another drink into the glass, which I immediately knock back and immediately regret.

“Jamie?” Paul asks as I start to slump forward, only to be stopped by my corset. “Jamie? You’ve kinda gone the same colour as your drink…” My breathing becomes shallow and I start to sweat profusely, and immediately as I start to keel over, Paul is at my side, catching me before I slump to the floor.

“Jamie, I got you,” Paul says, holding me upright and guiding me out of the packed room and up to my bedroom, where I rush into my en-suite and barely make it to the toilet before I vomit up not only the drinks, but virtually everything I’ve eaten all weekend.

“Just let it out,” Paul says softly, gently stroking my hair as I repeatedly throw up, before bursting into tears, both from the humiliation caused by the vomiting and the thought of Stuart with Hannah.

“Like I said, let it out,” Paul says, giving me a very welcome cuddle. “Get your corset off and get into bed, I’ll tell Charlotte you’re unwell.”

“No,” I say, grabbing the back pocket of Paul’s trousers as he walks away. “St- stay with me…”

“Are you sure that’s such a good idea?” Paul asks. “You’re very, very drunk…” I interrupt Paul with a long, deep kiss that, despite initial resistance, he greedily reciprocates. The look on his face when I break away from the kiss tells me that it's something he's wanted for a very, very long time.

"I'm sorry I taste like vomit," I giggle, making Paul also laugh and give me another slow, deep kiss. Within seconds, we've left my en-suite and are back in my bedroom, Paul's hands expertly loosening the laces of my corset, which I gratefully free myself from, breathing a sigh of relief as I push Paul back onto the bed, straddling him as I did three years ago.

"Oh baby," Paul gasps as I move his hands onto my breasts, which he sensually massages, before slowly stripping me from my stocking, gloves and thong as I remove his costume piece by piece. Before too long, we're both naked and kissing deeply. I slowly massage Paul's throbbing penis to its full length and slide a condom over the end of it, before squirting a dollop of lubricant onto my first two fingers, slowly sliding them in and out of my vagina.

A blissful moment passes as I finish lubricating myself, before Paul thrusts his latex-sheathed penis past my quivering labia, filling me entirely within the first few thrusts and forcing lightning bolts of ecstasy through my clitoris and into my whole body. It doesn't take long for us to both reach powerful, shuddering orgasms, with me yelling and screaming with extreme pleasure whilst Paul breathes heavily onto my shoulder as he withdraws his spent, pulsing organ from my body.

As I lay in bed next to the man who was my boyfriend for longer than anyone else, all the feelings I ever had for the man come flooding back. I may never be able to forgive him for the way he ended our relationship, but all throughout the sixteen months beforehand, my feelings for him were genuine, as were his for me.

“Wow,” Paul pants. “That- you- wow!” I giggle as I unsteadily get back to my feet and scoop my corset off the floor, before another wave of drunken nausea washes over me.

“Still feeling icky?” Paul asks.

“Yeah,” I sigh, collapsing back down on my bed. “Could- could you apologise to Charlotte for me, please?”

“Sure thing,” Paul says with the same goofy smile that greeted me every morning for sixteen months. “I’ll talk to you soon, right Jamie?”

“This- this isn’t us getting back together,” I say quietly, making Paul pause.

“I never said it was,” Paul retorts. “But I hope we can at least be friends- with OR without benefits- who can get together once in a while and chat without fists flying at faces?”

“I’d like that,” I say with a smile as Paul turns out the light and leaves me to fall asleep in my bed.

Unsurprisingly, I wake up with a banging headache when my alarm goes off at 7:30am, but a couple of aspirin quickly deal with the pain, and after showering and dilating, I tie my long blonde hair into a tight ponytail and roll a pair of soft pink tights up my legs, followed by stretching my trusty black tank leotard up my body. After pulling on a comfortable grey sweater dress and a pair of cute flats, I grab my dance bag and head down to reception, where Charlotte and her own pink legs are ready and waiting for me.

“Seriously?” I tease as we head out to my car. “Flats instead of heels?”

“Ugh,” Charlotte moans. “It’ll be a miracle if I can even get my pointes ON, let alone get up onto pointe today. Gonna try anyway, though. Can’t believe this is my last lesson until after this one is out…” Charlotte sighs sadly as she strokes her rounded belly.

“If it makes you feel any better, you outlasted Mary by at least a month,” I say, making Charlotte giggle.

“I’ll remind her of that today!” Charlotte chuckles. “Also… I couldn’t help but notice you relighting a fire last night with Mister Gould…”

“Oh god, don’t remind me…” I sigh, prompting a confused look from Charlotte. “…It wasn’t a planned move, I was drunk, I was needy…”

“Don’t tell me he took advantage of you?” Charlotte asks with genuine concern in her voice.

“No, nothing like that,” I say, making Charlotte sigh with relief.

“I figured there had to be an element of ‘revenge’ to it, what with Stuart and Hannah…” Charlotte says, making my eyes go wide with surprise.

“What about them?” I whisper.

“They- they left the party together,” Charlotte says, clearly surprised by my not knowing. “I’m sorry, Jamie, I’m so sorry, I thought you knew, I-“

“No, you don’t need to apologise,” I say, my heart sinking at the revelation. “Stuart and I aren’t together any more, he made THAT very clear. I hope he and Hannah will be very happy.”

“Jamie… Do you mean that?” Charlotte asks softly.

“I don’t know,” I blub. Less than two minutes later, we arrive at the dance studio, and I have a quick cry into Charlotte’s shoulder before drying my eyes, fixing my make-up and heading into the building to find Hannah and Viks already waiting. Viks is understandably still excited about her engagement, but Hannah is looking VERY awkward, especially when she looks toward me…

“Hannah,” I whisper to the tall girl. “Can- can we talk in private?” The normally bubbly girl nods hastily as we head into Krystie’s small office to talk. Once the door is shut, Hannah immediately starts pleading.

“I’m so, so sorry!” Hannah blubs, giving me an awkward hug. “I don’t know what came over me, I mean, yeah, I know you’re not together any more, but you were, and for a really long time, and if I-“

“I forgive you,” I say, returning Hannah’s hug. “Because there’s nothing to forgive.”

“No, Jamie, don’t-“ Hannah begins, but I silence her by shaking my head.

“You’re an adult, Stuart’s an adult…” I sigh. “Besides, I’m hardly in a position to criticise…”

“I, um, did notice you slip away early last night…” Hannah teases. “Kinda figured I was being used as a ‘revenge fuck’, heh.”

“No, you’re not- ugh,” I moan, making the tall girl giggle. “Why does SEX have to ruin absolutely everything?”

“It’s not ruining US!” Hannah laughs. “Angels forever, no matter what any stupid BOY says or does!” I giggle again and tighten my hug on the girl.

“Angels forever!” I laugh, looking up to see Charlotte smiling warmly at the two of us. After stripping off my dress, I follow Hannah, Viks and Charlotte into the dance studio, where Krystie and Mary (who is accompanied by Dan and Kristina-Leigh) are waiting for us. We’re soon joined by Becca and Adeola, and Nikki and Sarah (who have recently ‘earned’ their pointe shoes), along with their college friends Katie, Lauren and Dannii. I giggle as we all take our places at the barre (after Krystie has tied not just my bun, but Nikki's too)- what was originally a fun activity Charlotte and I could do in private has somehow ballooned into a fully-fledged dance troupe of no fewer than thirteen girls. A couple of years ago, this would’ve disappointed me no end- but now, I consider myself privileged to have so many friends who I genuinely love- even the three new girls, who I’ve only known for a few weeks.

“Girls,” Krystie announces, beginning the lesson, “one of us is going to be off her game today. One of us is going to be unbalanced whilst she’s dancing, because of the massive weight of the new diamond engagement ring on her finger!” The whole class whoops and cheers for Viks, who- blushing with embarrassment- shows off the ring to everyone who hasn’t had a chance to see it yet.

“As such,” Krystie continues, “I FINALLY get a chance to force one of you to wear this!” Krystie- aided by Mary- drags a clothes rack into the studio containing what is technically a tutu, but looks much more like a wedding dress, complete with a transparent lace veil.

“And where the hell was that when I was getting married?” Mary asks, making her BFF giggle.

“Do you know how long this thing took to make?” Krystie laughs. “Get your vows renewed and I’ll let you wear it!”

“In London this time!” Dan quips, making the assembled throng of women laugh.

“Now come on, future Mrs Benedict!” Krystie laughs. Giggling happily, Viks exchanges her leotard and soft ballet slippers for the tutu and her pointe shoes, giddily dancing around the room whilst Krystie plays ‘Here Comes the Bride’ on her laptop. After Viks has had her fun, we begin the lesson. After warming up, Krystie, Charlotte and I give extra help with pointe work to Lauren, Sarah and Nikki respectively to help get them up to speed (or back up to speed in Lauren’s case) before Krystie calls the lesson to an end- though she does insist on making Charlotte dance one final routine for her final lesson, something my BFF’s ankles immediately regret!

“God,” Charlotte complains as she exchanges her pointe shoes for her comfortable flats and pulls her dress back on, “I never thought I’d NOT miss ballet!”

“Still though,” Sarah giggles, “you were absolutely GORGEOUS out there. The yummiest mummy of all time!”

“I’ll not take that personally!” Mary giggles, giving the eighteen year old girl a playful shove as we all change back into our street clothes. Once we’re all changed, I prepare to head to Hannah’s car with Nikki and Hannah herself in tow (we have work this afternoon) when I bump into an unexpected- and unwelcome- face.

“Hi Jamie,” Stuart says nervously as he enters the dance studio. “I’m, um, I’m here to pick up Becca and Adeola…”

“Hi Stuart,” I say, my heart wrenching at the sight of the man whom I loved harder than I’ve ever loved anyone- but who may now desire someone else. “I, um, I’ve got to go…” I blink tears out of my eyes as I collapse into the passenger seat of Hannah’s car and watch all the happy couples spilling out of the dance studio: Mary, Dan & Kristina-Leigh, the perfect, beautiful family, Krystie and her new boyfriend Mikey, Becca and Adeola with their boyfriends, even Nikki and Sarah exchange a long, loving kiss before the former climbs into the back seat of Hannah’s car.

“Hey,” Nikki says with a warm smile as she fastens her seatbelt. “Hope you don’t mind me keeping my pink legs whilst ‘on the job’, I didn’t think I would, but I really, really love ballet now that I can join in these Monday lessons…”

“It’s fine,” Hannah says. “I’m keeping my dance tights on, after all!” Nikki giggles, whilst Hannah turns to me with a serious expression on her face. “Jamie… Stuart and I-“

“I don’t need to know,” I say bluntly.

“We’re NOT becoming an item,” Hannah says forcefully. “I can’t do that to you, not so soon. I WON’T do that to you.”

“Stuart’s an awesome boyfriend,” I whisper. “And you’ve been single for a long time… You two would be great together.”

“NOT as great as you two,” Hannah says. “Now, can we please change the subject? We’re about to spend the next few hours wearing about a hundred different types of professionally applied make-up and I for one want to make Miss Thomas back there green with envy!”

“Trust me, I already am!” Nikki jokes, making all three of us giggle happily. Once we arrive at the studio, everything is set up and waiting for us (thanks to Nikki’s expert calling ahead) and the shoot goes perfectly, meaning we’re able to finish early and ‘treat’ Nikki to a full make-over using some of the free cosmetics Hannah and I got from the company- an ‘early Christmas present’ Nikki eagerly accepts!

After the ‘make-over’, whilst Hannah brings her car around, Nikki and I make use of the studio’s toilets, where I find myself confiding in the perceptive seventeen year old girl.

“So…” Nikki asks as she admires her make-over in the mirror, “what’s up with you, Han and Stu?”

“Long story,” I sigh, desperately hoping that Nikki will change the subject.

“I know you and Stu have been having your problems…” Nikki says, bringing tears to my eyes.

“Drop it, okay?” I snap, immediately cringing as Nikki steps back, a look of near-fear on her face. “Oh, Nikki, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap, I- it’s been a REALLY bad month so far…”

“It’s okay,” Nikki says in a very small, timid voice. “I shouldn’t have asked…”

“No, it’s not okay,” I say. “You’re my friend, much more than you are a colleague, I shouldn’t snap at friends like that. Me and Stu… We broke up because I cheated on him. Obviously, you can NOT tell this to anyone else.”

“I won’t, I promise,” Nikki says, clearly shocked by my confession.

“So, me and Stuart are ‘on a break’,” I continue. “Last night, he and Hannah… Whilst I and my ex-boyfriend Paul…”

“Is- is he the one…” Nikki asks VERY cautiously.

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “It… It was- it-“ I take a deep breath before continuing. “It was Keith.” Nikki gasps at the revelation, clasping both hands over her mouth.

“Was- was that before-“ Nikki stutters.

“After him and Charlotte split up,” I say, tears starting to form in my eyes. “And no, Charlotte doesn’t know, now I’ve lost Stu, I can’t be with Keith, I- I don’t know what I want!” Nikki gives me an awkward but very welcome hug as I blub, ruining my carefully-applied make-up.

“I wish I could have what you have with Sarah,” I sob. “Umm, with someone else, obviously!” Nikki giggles as I dry my eyes and inspect the ‘damage’ in the toilet mirror.

“Here, let’s get you cleaned up,” Nikki says, reaching into my canvas bag of cosmetics for wet wipes, mascara and eyeliner. “And as for me and Sarah… Let’s just say we WISH we were perfect!”

“Oh?” I ask, before shaking my head. “No, I shouldn’t pry…”

“I may…” Nikki grimaces. “May have kissed another girl in the past, whilst I was with Sarah.”

“Huh, turns out no one IS perfect after all,” I giggle.

“Apart from Sarah herself, of course!” Nikki laughs as she fixes my eyeliner. “Point is, she forgave me, and if Stuart truly, truly loves you, he’ll forgive you too.”

“It’s… Not that easy once body parts OTHER than mouths get involved,” I sigh. “Or with boys, either: Stuart’s now technically the first guy to have slept with three of the Angels, that’ll make him ‘a legend’, whereas if I slept with three guys in the space of a year, I’d get called a slut…”

“’Technically’ a guy?” Nikki asks with a pout.

“Sorry,” I grimace. “He is a guy, full stop, end of. You know, it’s really easy to forget that you’re pre-op…”

“I’ll take that as the compliment it was obviously meant to have been,” Nikki grins, before letting me see my ‘repaired’ face in the mirror. “Do I know my way around a make-up bag or what?”

“Like I said,” I giggle, “not only easy to forget that you’re pre-op, but easy to forget that you were EVER a boy!” Nikki and I both giggle happy, girlish giggles as we head out of the studio and into Hannah’s waiting car, where I give the tall, blonde girl a quick hug.

“Umm, thanks,” Hannah laughs, returning my hug. “Dunno what this is for, but thanks anyway!”

“For being such a great friend,” I say. “A great GIRL friend!”

“Girls rule!” Nikki cheers from the back seat of the car.

I arrive home a short while later and, after kicking off my flats, crash on the sofa opposite Charlotte, who is lazily fiddling with her iPad.

“Got everything ready for tomorrow’s party?” I ask.

“Hardly a ‘party’,” Charlotte chuckles. “Just a bunch of friends getting together, exchanging presents…”

“Thirteen girls and, by my reckoning, eight boyfriends AND an infant?” I chuckle. “Twenty-two people, sounds like a party to me.”

“Twenty-FIVE,” Charlotte says smugly. “Keith, Stuart and Paul Kennedy will be coming as well.”

“I trust he’ll be the only Paul who comes along?” I ask cautiously.

“Jon hasn’t said anything specifically,” Charlotte says. “Jamie… We need to talk.” My heart races as Charlotte stares at me with a stern look on her face.

“Wh- what about?” I ask.

“I know you had sex with Keith,” Charlotte says, nearly making me throw up with stress.

“I’m sorry!” I gasp, rushing over to Charlotte, grabbing her hand and getting down on my light pink knees. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I-“

“I forgive you,” Charlotte says with a sad smile. “I know it was after Keith and I broke up, it’s not like you ‘stole him away from me’, the damage had already been done.”

“You- you forgive me?” I whisper hoarsely.

“Well,” Charlotte says, “you forgave Hannah, right? And you and Stuart weren’t even broken up, you’re ‘on a break’.”

“Well, um, that’s different-“ I stammer.

“Not really,” Charlotte chuckles.

“How- how did you find out?” I ask, before interrupting Charlotte before she has a chance to answer. “I’m sorry I kept it from you, I thought that if you found out you’d be-“

“The only thing you should apologise for is asking me a question and not letting me answer it!” Charlotte giggles, making me blush embarrassedly. “Keith told me yesterday, at the party. He also told me that this is why you and Stuart split up… Jamie, is this right?” With tears forming in my eyes, I bite my lip and nod.

“Oh, Jamie…” Charlotte says, giving me a long hug. “Take it from someone who knows, that’s a mistake you can NOT afford to make again.”

“I don’t intend to,” I whisper.

“Do you still love Stuart?” Charlotte asks.

“Yes,” I reply, before shivering. “…And I also love Keith.” Charlotte pauses as I make this confession, before hugging me tighter.

“You know you can’t have both,” Charlotte sighs. “If you try… You’ll end up with neither.”

“I don’t want Keith,” I say, “not if it’ll hurt you, I love you much more than I love either-“

“I’d rather Keith go out with you than some random girl I don’t know!” Charlotte giggles, making me gasp with surprise. “I mean, he’s going to move on, obviously, I’ve accepted that… My baby’s eventually going to have a stepmother, and I’d much rather that be someone I already know and love.”

“YOU are going to raise that child,” I say. “Not me, not anyone else, not even Keith. YOU.”

“And if the worst should happen?” Charlotte asks sombrely. “Keith will HAVE to raise him then.”

“Or little Keith junior’s stepfather?” I tease.

“Oh please,” Charlotte sighs. “As if any guy would ever trust me again…”

“Tell them about this conversation,” I giggle. “THEN they’d trust you again.” Charlotte chuckles and gives me another hug that lasts so long I eventually give up on trying to let go and instead snuggle up next to Charlotte on the sofa.

“Eventually,” Charlotte says quietly, “you WILL have to choose. Keith, or Stuart, or maybe even Paul Gould, after what happened last night.”

“Or ‘none of the above’,” I say coldly.

“Don’t throw away love,” Charlotte advises. “Don’t take ‘the easy way out’. You and Paul were so great together. You and Stuart were PERFECT together. You and Keith… Could be amazing. You single…”

“I don’t NEED a man,” I argue.

“’A’ man, no,” Charlotte says. “But one of the three men I mentioned? I’d have to disagree with you there…” I sigh as I settle into Charlotte’s cuddle- she is, of course, 100% right.

As I settle down for bed and dilate one last time, I muse on Charlotte’s words. I have a hard choice ahead of me, a choice that WILL change my entire life. For as long as I’ve known Keith, I loved him. He’s kind, funny, and EXTREMELY sexy… but he’s always been out of reach. At least, until now. Even after they split up, I never in a million years thought that Charlotte would give me her ‘approval’ to start seeing Keith, but now that he’s a ‘valid option’, it just makes my choice even harder…

I’m woken up just after 8am on Tuesday morning by a text message from my mother complaining that she hasn’t seen me in days- and she is, of course, right. After replying with a promise that I’ll drop round at some point today, I swing my tired legs out of bed and jump under the shower, also taking the opportunity to eliminate any and all body hair that’s accumulated over the last two weeks. After dilating, fixing my hair and putting on my make-up, I pull on a comfortable black short-sleeved bodysuit and thick black tights, followed by a knitted knee-length dress that’s a dark purple colour and is very slender, but stretches just enough to allow me to walk normally. A wide black belt and grey knee-high boots with a chunky 3” heel complete my look.

“Morning, sexy!” Charlotte laughs as I take a seat at the kitchen table, one leg crossed over the other. “You got a corset on under that?”

“Nope,” I say smugly. “Just this belt, that’s all.”

“Ugh,” Charlotte spits. “Can’t wait to get my waist back under control…”

“Oh come on, what could be sexier than a pregnant supermodel?” I tease, earning a quick hug from my BFF. “Morning sickness any better?”

“It’s almost completely gone,” Charlotte laughs. “Can’t believe Mary went through her whole nine months without throwing up even once…”

“And looking at her now,” I giggle, “apart from slightly widened hips you’d never be able to tell that she’d ever even HAD a kid…”

“Makes you sick, and NOT in the normal way pregnancy does!” Charlotte giggles happily. “What’ve you got planned today?”

“Gonna head round my parents’,” I say softly.

“We’re going there tomorrow anyway!” Charlotte argues. “AND I need your help getting ready for the party…”

“Oh?” I ask with a smug smile. “Here I was thinking that it WASN’T a party…”

“Oh shut up,” Charlotte laughs. “Dan and Kennedy are coming round in a bit anyway to help out so I guess I don’t NEED your help… But be back by lunch, okay?”

“Okay, ma’am!” I giggle, making Charlotte give me a playful shove. After breakfast, I drive out to my parents’ home, where as always, I’m greeted with warm, loving smiles.

“Jamie!” Mum says, giving me a long, motherly hug as I enter the home. “How’s life in celebrity land?”

“Same as always,” I laugh, gratefully returning the hug. “Is dad not here?”

“He couldn’t get the day off of work,” mum sighs. “It was either today OR tomorrow, not both. I LOVE your dress… Where did you get it?”

“This?” I say, stretching the fabric covering my arms. “It was an independent boutique in Westminster, I’ll give you the address later. If I’d known I could’ve bought you one for Christmas!”

“I doubt I’d look as good in it as you do!” Mum laughs. “Jamie… What’s wrong?”

“Um, what do you mean?” I ask, confused by my mum’s sudden concern.

“I know my daughter well enough to know when something’s the matter,” Mum says softly. “Is it boy troubles, are you missing Stuart?”

“A little,” I sigh heavily.

“I always thought you were too good for that boy,” mum says.

“You think I’m too good for Prince Harry,” I giggle. “And you know how much dad loved Stuart, always saw him as the ‘son he never had’…”

“Well it doesn’t matter whether or not your dad loves him,” mum says. “It’s whether or not YOU love him that matters. Even if you’d ended up with Paul, he’d have had to have accepted it. You know how bad your father still feels about the way he reacted when he met Jamie-Lee for the first time…”

“God, I can’t believe that was three years ago,” I sigh. “So was Paul, actually… Mum, I, um, I may have, um, I- Me and Paul, we-“

“Are you getting back together with him?” Mum asks with clear concern on her face.

“I don’t think so,” I reply. “But we… We were ‘intimate’ recently.” A tear starts to form in the corner of my eye, prompting mum to give me yet another tight hug.

“I don’t know what I want,” I moan. “I want Paul, but I can’t forget the way he just threw me away last year, I want Stuart, but I don’t know whether or not he wants me, I want Keith-“

“Keith!?” Mum asks with surprise. “Charlotte’s ex-boyfriend?”

“Yeah…” I grimace, suddenly remembering that I never actually told my parents WHY Stuart and I split up. “He- he’s kinda the reason Stuart and I broke up, I- I may have, um, made a mistake, and Keith may have been involved…”

“Oh, Jamie,” mum says, giving me another hug. “Nobody’s perfect. Obviously, as your mother, I have a duty to tell you not to sleep around, but- and you do need to think about this- do you love Keith?"

“I think I do, yes,” I sigh. “But I also love Stuart, and I don’t know who I’d rather be with…”

“I don’t envy you,” mum sighs. “I’m lucky in that your dad’s the only man I ever truly loved. But you need to sort this out soon, it’s not fair on Keith or Stuart, but most importantly, it’s not fair on YOU. You’ve got yourself worked up into such a state and I can’t bear to see you like this…”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“No, don’t you be sorry!” Mum laughs. “You’ve got to live your life the way YOU want to. But most importantly, you’ve got to make sure that you’re happy.” I spend the rest of the morning on the sofa with mum, talking about my life, my loves and my impending decision. Remembering Charlotte’s ‘order’ from earlier, I start to head home, but I also remember mum’s advice- that it isn’t fair on the boys to ‘keep them hanging’. I decide to make a slight detour to my route, and within minutes I find myself knocking on Keith’s door.

“Oh, hi Jamie,” Keith’s younger brother says as he answers the door. “Here to see Keith? He’s upstairs in his room…” Smiling politely at the teenager, I slowly climb the stairs in my boots and gently knock on Keith’s door.

“Hey,” I say softly, slowly opening the door.

“Oh, hi Jamie!” Keith says, pausing his videogame. “What are you doing here?”

“I just…” I begin, desperately wracking my brain for an excuse and coming up short. “I just wanted to say hi, before Christmas…"

“We’ll see each other tonight at the present exchange,” Keith laughs, making room on his bed for me to sit next to him. “Charlotte told you that I told her, didn’t she?”

“Yeah,” I say cautiously.

“I made it clear to her that we were already broken up at the time,” Keith says. “And that you weren’t to blame-“

“We’re okay,” I say with a smile. “She actually didn’t mind! Said that if you were going to go off with anyone, she’d rather it was me than some stranger…”

“Heh,” Keith giggles. “She really has matured these last few years, ever since you started living with us. Her, sorry, ever since you started living with her.”

“What was she like when she was eighteen?” I ask.

“Well she was still living with her dad at that time,” Keith explains. “Of course, she is- well, was I guess- an only child so she got spoiled rotten, that did kinda make her a bit ‘entitled’! Just hope she raises my son to be a bit more altruistic…”

“She will,” I say with a warm smile. “You know she’ll be an AMAZING mother.”

“You’d be a better mother,” Keith says, slowly sliding one hand on top of mine, causing my heart rate to skyrocket. Before, Keith was forbidden fruit, a pleasure I had to deny myself… Now, that’s no longer the case. If I want him, I can have him without any consequence to my relationship with Charlotte… And I do want him…

“Kinda need, you know, a uterus for that,” I giggle. “And a few other parts…”

“You’ve got all the parts that matter,” Keith says with a warm smile, before grimacing as he realises his accidental innuendo. “Um, by which I don’t just mean your vagina, um, I mean in here.” Keith points at his chest.

“Thanks,” I say with a smile. “Though I’m not going to be thinking about kids, not for a long time!”

“I wasn’t either, but here I am, expectant father at the age of 23,” Keith sighs.

“…24 by the time the kid is born,” I remind the handsome man.

“Yeah, like that makes a difference,” Keith snorts. “I’m still a kid myself…”

“You’ll be a great dad,” I say, gently gripping Keith’s hand. “Hell, you’re already fussing over the kid, making sure he’s not spoilt, and he won’t be born for another four months!” Keith giggles, before turning his hand over and linking his fingers with mine and staring deep into my soul. I lean forward and kiss Keith, a long, lazy kiss that last for an eternity as I gently suckle his tongue and savour every drop of his taste as it enters my mouth. I sigh as Keith kisses the side of my neck, and I find myself pressing my hand into Keith's already-pulsing crotch, moaning happily as I feel it twitch underneath my fingers. I gently unzip his fly, ready to 'get to work', but the image of my best friend, pregnant with this man's baby, imprints itself on my brain and will not move, no matter what I do.

"No," I say, pushing myself away from Keith's embrace.

“Jamie…” Keith sighs. “You- you’re right, this is wrong…”

“Because of Charlotte?” I ask, rearranging my dress.

“Because of STUART,” Keith says. “I love you, Jamie… But so does he. I mean, yes, he told me that he’d be okay with us being together if it was what we really wanted… But I know how much it’d hurt him.”

“And I know how much it’d hurt Charlotte, despite what SHE says,” I moan. “And I love YOU, Keith, it’s just…”

“You don’t know if you love me more than Stuart,” Keith says with a heartbreakingly sad voice. “It’s okay, I get it, I do… I don’t mind waiting for you to make up your mind, just- remember that he IS the one who dumped you…”

“He didn’t ‘dump’ me,” I say, irritated by Keith’s attempts to manipulate me. “And remember precisely WHY we’re on a break…”

“That’s… not unfair,” Keith sighs, slumping back on his bed. “I’ll see you tonight at the present exchange, Jamie.”

“See you tonight, Keith,” I say quietly, leaving the house. After I get in my car and fasten my seatbelt, I lean forward onto my steering wheel and scream in frustration. I’d come to Keith’s house fully expecting to leave as his girlfriend, but it’s only confused my mind even more. For almost four years, Keith’s been all that I truly desired, and now that I’ve been told I can have him… I find myself wanting something else more. I reach into my phone to compose an email to Dr Phillips, but when I remember that she won’t be back at work until after the new year, another frustrated scream leaves my mouth.

With the afternoon drawing late, I head back to Charlotte’s house, where as promised, some of the boys are already present to help set up for the party- but fortunately, none of my ex-boyfriends are present. Within a couple of hours, Charlotte’s ‘ballroom’ has been kitted out with tables and chairs, each of which bears a fancy nameplate so everyone knows where to put the presents they’ll be bringing round. I can’t help but giggle as I pass a table containing three nameplates- a small area reserved for ‘Daniel Carter’, a slightly larger one set out for ‘Mary Carter’ and an absolutely HUGE area reserved for ‘Kristina-Leigh Carter’- an area that’s already filled with loads of brightly-wrapped gifts!

“Never mind Charlotte spoiling her son…” I giggle as I fiddle with the presents on the 5 month old’s pile before adding my own gifts to the pile.

The guests slowly arrive over the course of the evening, dropping off their presents and taking advantage of the hot food Charlotte’s had prepared. Much to my relief, Keith doesn’t stick around, instead choosing to drop off his gifts and leave as soon as possible (not even bothering to pick up his own presents). A quick glance at the gift he left on my pile causes my heart to sink- the long, slender shape of the box means it can only be jewellery. Much to my surprise, Paul Gould drops round a short while later to drop off presents, but he too leaves quickly, only stopping to say ‘hi’ to myself and Charlotte. His gift to me looks more like a CD than jewellery, much to my relief.

Stuart is one of the last to arrive, shortly after 6pm, with Becca and Riley in tow. The teenagers quickly set about dishing out their presents and mingling with the crowd whilst I take the opportunity to talk the man who is still my favourite transman.

“Hey,” I whisper. “Sorry about yesterday…”

“Honestly, you don’t have to be sorry,” Stuart whispers, gently stroking my arm. “I’M the one who should be sorry… I really don’t know what I was thinking on Sunday…”

“You were thinking ‘Hannah is extremely sexy’, maybe?” I giggle. “Perhaps ‘I can be the first man to have sex with three of the Angels and become a legend’?”

“Some ‘legend’,” Stuart snorts.

“Well, it’s not like you technically need a penis in order to be able to think with it,” I joke, making Stuart giggle happily.

“I’m taking that as a compliment,” Stuart chuckles, bringing a wide grin to my face. “But seriously… I feel like a complete arsehole. All Sunday night did was prove to me one thing: that I still love you, Jamie. I CAN forgive you. I HAVE forgiven you. And if you say it’ll never happen again… I believe you.”

“Stu…” I whisper, tears forming in my eyes. “I… I slept with Paul Gould.” Instantly, Stuart’s face falls

“When?” He asks, his voice hoarse.

“The same night you slept with Hannah,” I reply, making Stuart sigh with relief.

“That’s absolutely fair,” Stuart whispers. “Though Paul? Of all people, Paul [f**king] Gould!?” I giggle at Stuart’s mock-indignation as a smile creeps across his face and he starts giggling too.

“If you need time, that’s okay,” Stuart says. “And if you decide you’d rather be with Keith, that’s also okay. Hell, even if you want to be with Paul, that’s okay. Less okay, but still okay, heh. I’ll ALWAYS love you, Jamie… But first and foremost, you have to do what makes YOU happy. And if that’s not me… Then I’ll move on.”

“I DO love you, Stuart,” I say quietly. “But…”

“I get it,” Stuart says sadly. “’But’ you love Keith more.”

“No, that’s not it, I-“ I stammer. “I- I don’t know what I want.” I sniff, holding back tears, and acting solely on instinct, Stuart leans forward, giving me a gentle, loving hug, the same hug he gave me many times even before we lovers.

“Just as long as we’re always friends, okay?” Stuart asks, making me smile and nod- though it’s clear from the look in his eyes that he expects this to be the last time he ever holds me in his arms.

Stuart doesn’t stick around long after dropping off his presents, and the rest of the guests all leave by 9:30, leaving myself and Charlotte alone with our mountains of presents.

“God, did you see how many presents Kristina-Leigh got?” Charlotte giggles. “No wonder Dan recently bought that people carrier… Reckon Keith junior will get as spoiled next Christmas?”

“I guarantee it,” I chuckle. “Though you may have to speak with Keith before turning him into Brooklyn Beckham!”

“Heh, he should be so lucky,” Charlotte yawns.

“Get to sleep!” I admonish the pregnant woman. “You’ve been pushing yourself too hard, you need some sleep!”

“I’m clearing away a few plates!” Charlotte complains. “I’m hardly running a marathon!”

“Still though,” I sigh, “leave it until tomorrow morning, you’re the one who’s always complaining that you’re waddling around on ankles the size of beach balls!”

“I’m not ‘waddling’,” Charlotte sighs. “Models don’t ‘waddle’. Though… You are right. Night, Jamie.”

“Night, Charlotte,” I say. “Night, Keith junior!” Charlotte giggles as she leaves me alone in the vast room with the washing-up. Even though it wasn’t a ‘party’, twenty-five people do create a lot of mess, so it’s gone 10:30pm before I finally collapse into bed, but my head is barely down for five minutes before my phone beeps to alert me to a new text message- and much to my dismay, it’s from Paul Gould.

‘Hey Jamie,’ Paul writes. ‘Sorry we didn’t speak more at the party today, felt kinda awkward after Sunday, lol. Hope you enjoy my present- reckon it’s something you’ll particularly enjoy.’

‘Lol, I’m sure I will,’ I reply. ‘Getting an early night now, talk soon.’ Sighing, I switch my phone to silent and toss it into my laundry. Whilst I should feel flattered to have three very attractive men chasing after me, instead I feel… Stressed, and it’s this stress that sees me not getting to sleep until well after 1am, tossing and turning in bed as I compare and re-compare all three men in my head.

“Happy Christmas Eve!” Charlotte yells, startling me awake from a dreamless sleep.

“Nngh,” I complain. “What time is it…?”

“Just after 9am,” Charlotte says, whipping back my covers to reveal my cold, nightie-clad body. “Come on! Your parents are expecting us just after 10!”

“Yes, yes,” I moan. “Just give me a chance to dilate and get ready, please?” Charlotte giggles as I produce my dilator and lower my panties.

“I’ll leave you and ‘Mr Orange’ in peace,” Charlotte giggles as she all but skips out of the room. Ever since she split from Keith, Charlotte’s grown increasingly fond of my parents, treating them almost as if they were her own surrogate parents, and much to my surprise, they’ve grown fond of her in return- maybe it’s because they see her child as the grandchild they’ll never have, but whenever we see them (and we always see them together nowadays), the hugs that Charlotte gets are just as big as mine.

After dilating, I shower, fix my make-up, my jewellery and my nails (that got trashed doing the washing up yesterday) before dressing in a plain bra and thong set, thick black tights, a comfortable knee-length skirt and a tight black sweater. Once I’m ready, I grab my handbag and head downstairs to find Charlotte already sat in the passenger seat of my car, listening to the radio and fiddling with her phone.

“At last!” Charlotte playfully admonishes me. “You know, if you’d left the washing up for this morning, you wouldn’t have had to repair your nails so much?”

“You know, if you’d get a bigger dishwasher, I wouldn’t have NEEDED to do it last night?” I retort with a smirk.

“Okay, well if I get a dishwasher as one of my presents tomorrow, you’re getting unfriended!” Charlotte laughs as we drive off to my parents’ home. As expected, when my aging parents open their front door, both myself and Charlotte are greeted with big, loving hugs.

“Come on in out of the cold!” Mum urges us.

“How’ve you been, girls?” Dad asks as we sit down, warming ourselves in front of the fire.

“Tired,” Charlotte laughs. “Think this little one’s going to be a break dancer when he’s older!”

“Heh,” dad chuckles. “Have you got a buggy yet?”

“I’ve got two!” Charlotte giggles. “And I saw a few big boxes on my present pile last night so I wouldn’t be surprised if I end up with more by the end of the week!”

“I’m glad we didn’t get you one now!” Dad chuckles as mum hands us much-needed cups of tea. “Jamie, you been at work this week?”

“Hmm?” I grunt, having briefly zoned out. “Oh, um, yeah, I did a make-up shoot on Monday, that should be out in a couple of months.”

“I’ll make room in the scrapbook,” dad laughs, before his facial expression becomes a lot more sombre. “Jamie… your mother told me about the #boy trouble’ you’ve been having lately.”

“I really, really don’t want to talk about it,” I moan.

“It’ll help you if you do,” mum says softly.

“And you know we won’t judge,” Charlotte says, giving me a quick hug. “Though I did see you cuddling Mister Milton last night…”

“That was just a friendly hug,” I sigh. “God, this’d be a lot easier if you’d just forbid me from having any contact with Keith!”

“No, I could never do that,” Charlotte says. “I mean yes, I’d much prefer to have him all to myself, but if I can’t have him… I want him to be happy regardless.”

“Stuart said the same thing about me last night,” I moan.

“That sounds like you’re being pointed toward a decision,” dad- who has ALWAYS been fond of Keith- points out.

“Yeah,” I sigh. “But I want it to be MY decision, I don’t want to be steered toward something only to end up regretting it months down the line.”

“In the end, you can only follow your heart,” mum says.

“Yeah,” I sigh. “But what do you do when you don’t know where your heart is pointing?” Charlotte hugs me tighter as I sigh. “Sorry, everyone, I don’t want to bring down the mood, not at Christmas…”

“Don’t be silly,” dad says. “You’re our daughter, that means that whatever you need, we give it to you, doesn’t matter if it’s Christmas or not!” I let out a sad giggle as dad goes on to talk about his work and drops hints about what Charlotte and I can expect in our stockings tomorrow. Charlotte and I stay at my parents’ house until early evening when, with night drawing in, we head back to our big home, our bellies full and our minds excited about tomorrow- but I’m still uneasy.

“Are you any closer to your decision?” Charlotte asks softly as I kick off my heels and crash heavily onto the sofa.

“No,” I moan. “If anything it’s harder than ever… I mean, I’m even thinking about PAUL…”

“I would say ‘no way’, but I am the one who set you two up,” Charlotte giggles. “I was going to save this until tomorrow, because, you know, it Christmas, but I figured I should give it to you now…” Much to my surprise, Charlotte pulls out a brightly-wrapped package and hands it to me. “Go on, open it!” I smile a weary smile as I tear off the wrapping paper, only to gasp in shock when I see what’s inside.

“It’s beautiful,” I say, holding up the silver necklace. “How much did this cost?”

“That’s not important,” Charlotte says smugly. “Do you like the jewel?” I stare at the small blue crystal and smile happily.

“It’s beautiful,” I repeat. “Thank you so much!”

“It’s your parents,” Charlotte says, her smug grin growing wider as my face frowns in confusion.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“The jewel,” Charlotte explains, taking off her bracelet- the same bracelet I’d given her last Christmas. “Last year, you gave me my best friends, this year, I’m giving you your family.”

“Oh my god,” I say, happy tears forming in my eyes. “Thank you so much! My present seems kinda crap by comparison…”

“Merry Christmas, Jamie,” Charlotte says, giving me a tight hug. “Though I’ll be the judge of whether or not your present is crap. Now, please, if you don’t mind!” I giggle happy as Charlotte ‘orders’ me around- though I don’t move a muscle until Charlotte fastens the necklace around my neck. Still giggling excitedly, I hand Charlotte her present, smiling as Charlotte coos at the shiny red and gold wrapping paper- which she immediately rips off!

“Jamie,” Charlotte gasps. “I- I-“

“Merry Christmas, Charlotte,” I whisper as Charlotte turns the gift over, tears forming in her eyes.

“Is it- is it Keith?” Charlotte whispers, cradling the tiny sculpture.

“Of course it is!” I say happily. “It’s from your 4 month scan. I had it sent off to a company that specialises in 3D printing, they turned it into a model. I guess it’s only fitting, you gave me my parents, I give you your son.” Charlotte gently puts the tiny model down and gives me a long, tight hug.

"You're so amazing!" Charlotte wails. "You're the best friend ever!"

"Whoa," I say, returning my BFF's hug. "Getting a bit hormonal here Charlotte!"

"Sorry, sorry," Charlotte says, giggling. "But honestly, how many mothers get to hold their son in their arms four months before he's born?" Charlotte gently cradles the tiny sculpture in her hand, inspecting every last tiny detail. "Here I was thinking you couldn't possibly top last year's gift... I chose the right godmother!" I giggle happily as Charlotte gently caresses the tiny model, treating it as though it were more precious than gold.

"Keith Junior chose the right mother," I whisper, earning another hug from Charlotte.

We spend the rest of the night in the living room, supposedly watching TV but in reality, we're much more interested in the highly intimate gifts we've given each other. As I head to bed, I check my phone (which had been on silent all afternoon) for text messages, only to sigh when I found several unread messages from Keith, Stuart and Paul, each one wishing me a Merry Christmas, hoping that I'll enjoy their present, that I'm the girl they love the most...

After changing into my nightie, I decide not to bother replying to any of the messages, instead throwing my phone into its semi-permanent home in my laundry basket. Despite what Charlotte said, I could quite easily live without any of the three men clearly vying for my attention. I lived for years before them, I can live for years after them...

I'm woken up just after 7am on Christmas morning, as always, by Charlotte excitedly bouncing up and down on my bed (despite her bump). After a quick breakfast, we dive into our present piles. We've both received the usual stuff, clothes, cosmetics, vouchers, DVDs, underwear, stuff for my car- but we both agree that none of the presents are as good as the ones we gave each other. I only have three presents left to open when I hesitate.

"What's up, Jay?" Charlotte asks, seeing me dithering over the three small packages. "Who are they from?"

"Keith, Paul and Stuart," I sigh. "I'm actually dreading opening them."

"You can't put it off forever..." Charlotte advises.

"Can it at least wait until after church?" I ask, making Charlotte giggle.

"You know I haven't gone there in months," Charlotte says with a sad smile. "Never thought you'd be the one trying to persuade ME that we need to go to church..." I let out a sad laugh, before laying all three presents out in front of me.

"What- what order should I open them in?" I ask, groaning in frustration.

"Alphabetical," Charlotte says firmly. "Keith, then Paul, then Stuart."

"Alphabetical by SURNAME," I say. "So Paul Gould, then Keith Hartley, then Stuart Milton."

"Alphabetical by surname it is," Charlotte says, handing me Paul's present. After ripping off the wrapping paper, I find the expected CD inside, only to discover that it's not a CD at all, but a rewritable DVD. After booting up my laptop, I slide the disc into it and sigh happily when I see its contents.

On the disc is every photoshoot Paul ever did that involved me- but that DIDN'T involve sex or any kinky stuff. All the science-fiction and fantasy inspired shoots are there, as are some holiday photos and videos we took. Every good memory I had of my sixteen month relationship with Paul is on one disc for me to treasure forever.

"That's so thoughtful," Charlotte whispers as I slide the disc out of my laptop and carefully put it back in its case. Charlotte then hands me Keith's gift, which I open, to find a stunning gold watch.

"Oh my god," I whisper as I gently finger the delicate jewellery. "It's beautiful..."

"Keith's father once got me a watch like that for my birthday," Charlotte says sadly. "Of course, his parents are far richer than me..." Ignoring Charlotte, I slide the watch on my wrist and gently fasten the clasp. It fits like a glove, of course- and compliments my manicured hand perfectly. Shaking my head frustratedly, I remove the watch and carefully place it on the coffee table next to Paul's DVD, before opening Stuart's present. Inside, I find a silver chain with a plain, square pendant hanging from it.

"It's a bit impersonal, especially for him," Charlotte comments, before I suss out that the pendant is in fact a memory stick, which I plug into my laptop. Like Paul's gift, Stuart's memory stick contains gigabyte after gigabyte of photos and videos of the two of us together, but there's one additional video file that looks unfamiliar. After clicking to open it, I gasp when I see Stuart sat in his bedroom, holding his guitar and looking straight into the camera.

"I wrote this song for you in October," Stuart says with a sad smile. "I'd wanted to sing it to you in person on Christmas Day but- well- never mind. Jamie, if you're watching this, and I really, really hope you are... Merry Christmas, and I love you." Tears start to form in my eyes as Stuart tunes his guitar.

"I was originally going to sing this to the tune of 'Kayleigh' by Marillion," Stuart explains, "but this is supposed to be a genuine gift, not one of those feeble prank ones." I giggle as Stuart plays the opening bars of his song.

'When I met you... I didn't know what to think,

When I left you... My heart began to sink,

When I hold you... I thank god that you're mine, and

When I kiss you... My heart begins to shine...

You're my hopes,

You're my dreams,

I look at you and everything in life is fine,

You're my love,

You're my soul,

I look at you and my heart begins to shine.

When I hurt you... I also die inside,

When I upset you... I want to go and hide,

When you smile... Everything feels fine, and

When I kiss you... My heart begins to shine...

You're my hopes,

You're my dreams,

I look at you and everything in life is fine,

You're my love,

You're my soul,

I look at you and my heart begins to shine...

You're my everything,

You're my all,

I look at you and everything in life is fine,

You're my love,

You're my soul,

I look at you and my heart begins to shine.'

I shut down the media player app on my laptop, and immediately I burst into floods of tears. Stuart's song was so beautiful... But then again, so was Keith's watch... and so are Paul's memories...

"There there," Charlotte whispers, giving me a loving hug. "Come on, come on, let it out..."

"Why did they all have to be so perfect?" I whimper as I sob into Charlotte's shoulder.

"Because you deserve nothing less," Charlotte says with a warm, friendly smile. "Now come on, your parents will be here in half an hour, you need to get dressed, you need to get your make-up on... So do I, heh!"

"Right," I say, nodding and drying my eyes. I head upstairs to shower and dilate, but all throughout, I can't get Stuart's song, Keith's watch or Paul's videos out of my head. I dress in a sexy (but still comfortable) new bra and thong set and apply some of my new make-up that I received from Adeola and Becca, followed by black tights and a sleek, short red dress with tight long sleeves that was my gift from Sarah and Lauren. After pulling on the new black 5" heeled stilettos Mary gave me today, followed by two new perfumes from Krystie and Hannah that complement each other beautifully (much like the women who game them to me), a thin silver bracelet from Viks and new gold earrings from Nikki, I fasten Charlotte's beautiful necklace around my neck and head downstairs, where Charlotte is already hard at work cooking dinner.

"WOW!" Charlotte says upon seeing me coolly stride into the kitchen. "Someone as drop-dead gorgeous as you is far too good for Keith, Paul and Stuart COMBINED!" I giggle as I pull on an apron and help Charlotte chop vegetables. Less than an hour later, my parents arrive with big hugs for both of us and arms filled with yet more presents that Charlotte and I eagerly open whilst mum (temporarily) takes over in the kitchen. Not a word is said of my 'dilemma' whilst we eat our Christmas dinner and settle down for an evening of Christmas TV.

"I had a message from Viks whilst we were eating," Charlotte says with a happy smile. "She and Jon are at her parents' house, apparently her dad's giddy with excitement at getting the chance to walk her down the aisle!" I giggle at Charlotte's obvious glee and Viks's 'happy ending', quickly composing a congratulatory text message before turning my attention back to the television. Within minutes, however, my mother drags me straight back to reality when she notices the gifts I'd carelessly left on the coffee table.

"Ooh, that's a lovely watch," mum says. "Which one of you girls got this?"

"Me," I sigh with a sad face.

"Why the sad face?" Dad jokes. "If I got a watch like that I'd be over the moon. Well, obviously not that exact style, but-"

"...It was from Keith," I say, silencing my father and wincing as a sad expression creeps over Charlotte's face- even though they've been broken up for months, I can tell that Charlotte still isn't over Keith, nor is she likely to be any time soon...

"Oh," mum says. "Are- are you going out with-"

"No," I sigh, tears forming in my eyes. "I still haven't decided... Paul and Stuart also got me amazing presents, really intimate, personal ones... What the hell do I do?"

"You do whatever you want," dad says, giving me a quick hug, continuing speaking before I have a chance to retort. "And before you say 'I don't know what I want', trust your old man when he says: you will. At some point, sometime soon, you will know. Until then, worrying about it won't help you."

"I know," I sigh, returning dad's hug. "This has been one hell of a 'Christmas Special' even by my standards, heh..." Charlotte and my parents both laugh as we turn our attention back to TV, and the Strictly Come Dancing Christmas special.

"They've got former winners and finalists back this year," mum says. "Charlotte, did they ask you to take part?"

"Wouldn't have been able to even if I wanted," Charlotte giggles, patting her widening belly. "They only record them a few weeks in advance..."

"And they've got Bruce Forsyth back too to host," mum continues. "Was he really as nice as he comes across on screen?"

"He's lovely!" Charlotte gushes, clearly revelling in the chance to talk about her celebrity career as mum and dad hang on her every word. I focus on Charlotte's tales too- it's a welcome distraction from my own worries.

My parents leave just after 10pm, despite mine & Charlotte's repeated attempts to persuade them to stay overnight. As they're getting their coats on, mum calls me to one side to dispense probably the most important piece of advice she's ever given me- or possible, the most important piece of advice any mother has ever given her daughter.

"Jamie," mum sighs. "I know this is an important decision but you can't let it take over your life the way it has been doing. All three boys are nice- in their own way- but you're still only 23, you've got your whole life ahead of you..."

"You weren't much older than me when you married dad," I sigh. "You were born in 1962, married in 1988..."

"Because I knew your dad was the right man for me," mum says. "Want to know how I knew?"

"More than anything," I moan.

"I asked myself one question," mum says. "Who do I want to be the LAST man I ever kiss? The answer, for me, was easy- it was your dad."

"Are you saying that I should ask myself the same question?" I ask.

"It worked for me," mum says, giving me a quick hug. "And you never know, like mother, like daughter... Enjoy the rest of your Christmas, Jamie. If you don't come to a decision, that's fine. Any time you want to call for a natter or just a moan, you let me know. And make sure that best friend of yours knows the offer applies to her too!"

"I will," I say, bidding farewell to both my parents with long, loving hugs. After helping Charlotte with the washing up- and trashing my nails AGAIN- I head to bed, where I muse on mum's question. All three boys have their good points, and their bad points, but who would I want to lay with when I'm older, when I'm old... Who do I want to be the last man I ever kiss?

Paul is AMAZING in bed, he's highly creative both sexually and non-sexually in a relationship, he's witty, I've known him 'intimately' longer than either of the other two, he was the man to whom I lost my virginity... And yet the way he treated me... Even if he has changed, that bad taste in the mouth will NEVER leave, especially if I get back together with him...

Stuart is one of the best friends I've ever had, and when we were dating, we shared as many laughs as we did orgasms. We understand each other like no one else can, and I'll ALWAYS love him as a friend... but if I get together with him, there'll always be that lingering doubt at the back of his mind about me, triggering his natural paranoia, and that'll affect me... I argued with Stuart over the course of our seven month relationship MUCH more than I did with Paul over the course of sixteen months...

And then there's Keith, the first man I ever loved. He'll always be the first man I ever loved, the man to whom I lost my 'vaginal virginity'- a love powerful enough it temporarily overrode my love for Stuart, but at the same time, if I got together with Keith, it'd hurt so many people- Stuart, Charlotte... Charlotte's unborn son... And his gift, whilst beautiful, just hammers home the fact that I'm not nearly as intimately acquainted with Keith as I am with the other boys...

I lay awake until well after 1 o'clock wracking my brain, trying to find an answer to my mum's question. It's only as I start to fall asleep and begin to dream that I have a revelation.

In my dream, I'm in an unfamiliar bed, and yet I know, in the way you only know in a dream, that it's MY bed, it's MY home, and the man laying next to me is the one, single man I truly love with my whole heart, the man who 'possesses my soul'.

"I love you," the man whispers to me.

"I love you too," I whisper back, kissing the man, and knowing deep down that kiss would be my last...

I wake up with a start and check the time on my phone- 1:46 AM. I make a mental note of the time. Forty-six minutes past one on the morning of the 26th of December 2014. The exact time I knew, once and for all, precisely who I wanted to be the last man I will ever kiss.

I barely sleep for the rest of the night, and I'm that excited by my decision that I get up the following morning before 8am, showering, dilating and applying my make-up as fast as I can so that I can get out to see the man who I now know I want to be with. I dress very simply- just a grey sweater dress, black tights and knee-high boots- but I wear my new necklace, ensuring the jewel containing my parents' DNA takes pride of place. I put the three presents I received from the boys in a bag- it seems only fair to return the two presents to the boys I won't be seeing- and head out to my car, barely taking the time to say goodbye to Charlotte along the way.

My heart pounds as I pull up outside the house of the parents of the man I'm desperate to see, and as I ring the doorbell, I have to wring my hands to stop myself from shaking, wincing slightly that in my rush to leave the house, I didn't even take the time to repair my nail polish. I gasp as the door opens to reveal the face I saw in my dreams.

"Jamie?" The young man asks with confusion. "What are you doing here this early?"

"I'm here," I tell the expectant young man, "because I love you..."

TO BE CONTINUED