“I dunno man,” Keith moans as we fight together on a virtual battlefield. “I just feel that I should be there, you know? I mean, it is MY child…”

“It’s your decision,” I say. “You know Charlotte would love to have you there, it’s just whether or not you could stand being in the same room as her for a prolonged period of time…”

“You know, it’s funny,” Keith sighs. “For all she did… I do still love her.”

“PLEASE tell me you’re not going to crawling back to her…” I moan as I take a swig of my full-fat coke.

“’Crawling’?” Keith asks. “HELL no. …But I do miss her.”

“Would you ever take her back?” I ask quietly.

“I dunno,” Keith sighs. “Two months ago the answer would’ve been ‘fuck no’. But now…”

“You’re a better man than me,” I chuckle. “If Jamie ever slept with someone behind my back… I don’t know how I’d react.”

“There’s no danger of that EVER happening, mate,” Keith reassures me. “Jamie’s utterly BESOTTED with you, you know that.”

“True,” I sigh happily. “And the feeling is very much mutual. Though she has been a bit distant lately- well, ever since you and Charlotte split up, actually- whatever the girl equivalent of ‘bros before hoes’ is, I dunno. Doesn’t help that half our dates are being filmed for posterity either…”

“Welcome to the wonderful world of being a celebrity boyfriend,” Keith chuckles. We while away the next couple of hours shooting aliens on Keith’s PlayStation 4, before being interrupted by a knock on Keith’s bedroom door.

“Ready?” I whisper to Keith, who nods solemnly. “Come in!” Slowly, the door opens and Charlotte enters, flanked closely by Jamie, who is holding her hand.

“Here are the latest scan pictures,” Charlotte says, handing Keith a clutch of black-and-white images. “The baby’s perfectly strong and healthy… Just like his dad.”

“’His’ dad?” Keith asks with a twinge of excitement in his voice.

“Yep,” Charlotte says, rubbing her slightly swollen belly with a sad smile. “HE will be a beautiful baby boy, and I’m calling him Keith, just like his dad.” I can see Keith’s bottom lip start to wobble at this revelation.

“You okay, mate?” I ask quietly, to which Keith nods in response.

“You’ll forgive me if I still want that DNA test,” Keith says coldly, though I can tell he is a mess of emotions on the inside.

“Of course,” Charlotte whispers. “I, um, I should go, um, just wanted to give you the scans…”

“I’ll see you out,” Keith says, ushering the two women out of the room.

“You could at least look at the scans,” Jamie says with a hint of anger in her voice. “He IS your child…”

“And I will,” Keith replies, clearly taken aback by Jamie’s uncharacteristic hostility. “I- I just need a second…”

“We should go,” Charlotte whispers to Jamie, who simply nods in agreement, though she is still beaming a VERY disapproving stare at Keith.

“I’ll see you out,” Keith says, ushering both girls out of his room.

“See you at my place?” I say to Jamie, who barely has time to nod before she’s unceremoniously removed from the bedroom. I let out a sigh as the girls leave- as much as I love Jamie, and much as Keith is my best friend, when they’re together in a room with Charlotte I’d give anything to be anywhere else, especially since her bump has started showing. The only good thing about the situation is that I find myself apologising less and less for siding with Keith- if anything, Jamie would probably have a go at me for NOT supporting Keith. Sometimes I forget how long she’s been friends with him, something I need to remind myself when I step out onto Keith’s landing to see Keith giving Jamie a quick hug as the beautiful young woman leaves. I’ve long since known that Jamie has fancied Keith in the past, and that the attraction is mutual, and it’d be very easy for me to become jealous of his friendship with Jamie- but I know just how counterproductive that would be for BOTH relationships.

Still, as Keith comes back into his room and picks his game controller back up, I can’t help but comment on the hug.

“Thanks for pawing away at my girlfriend,” I joke as we resume shooting aliens.

“Oh shut up,” Keith sighs, his gaze wandering to the pile of papers Charlotte left on his nightstand. “You know, I DO really want to look at them…”

“That’s good, as you know Jamie’ll will ask me whether or not you did when I see her tonight,” I say. “We’ll take a break after this raid, we’ve been at this ages anyway.” I can tell by the smile on Keith’s face that he’ll be eager to get through the raid as fast as is humanly possible.

Sure enough, after we’ve finished massacring aliens, Keith and I- along with his parents and younger brother- scan through the pictures Charlotte left. When Keith discovered that Charlotte was cheating on him- again- he was devastated, especially as he had to find out second hand- but when he found out he was going to become a father, his attitude toward Charlotte softened almost overnight, which concerned me greatly. Keith’s not the toughest guy out there, and if was left alone with Charlotte… Chances are he’d take her back and start the whole vicious cycle all over again. I’ve made myself available 24/7 to help him whenever he has these ‘feelings’, but this has caused myself some stress, especially as Jamie has sided with Charlotte in much the same way.

If I was forced to choose between my friendship with Keith and my relationship with Jamie, it’d be a decision that would tear me apart, and yet it feels like I’m being asked to choose every second of every day. I LOVE Jamie, but as for Keith… Growing up the way I did, I always longed for a true ‘best mate’, someone I could hang around with, who’d accept me for the boy I truly am, who I could play football and cricket with and sit around all Saturday afternoon playing videogames and eating pizza. It took nearly a quarter of a century, but I finally have that. A friendship this precious… I simply can’t give it up, not even for a girl… Not even for a girl like Jamie…

As I drive home, I muse to myself on just how lucky I am to actually face this dilemma. I know several transgendered men who underwent the same transformation as me who don’t have it nearly as lucky- those who were shunned by their families, those who struggled to find friends, or a lover… I have the ‘holy trinity’: a best friend, a girlfriend I truly love and who loves me in return and a family who have long since accepted me and love me for who I truly am.

I’m given a practical reminder of the last two things on that list when I walk through my front door and am immediately greeted by a long, deep kiss from my girlfriend, which makes both my parents, both my sisters and both their partners chuckle approvingly.

“Okay, we’re all here now,” dad says as I sit down next to Jamie, giggling quietly as she cuddles up next to me. “What’s the big announcement?”

“Oh please, could it be any more obvious?” Becca giggles as Emma and Lee get up and stand in front of our roaring fireplace.

“Don’t spoil it!” Emma chastises our little sister, before looking pointedly at myself, dad & Riley. “They’re MEN, they need to be led through things like this one step at a time!”

“Things like what?” I innocently ask, making all the women in the room laugh.

“BOY!” Jamie and Becca both yell at me, barely able to control their giggles.

“ANYWAY,” Emma says, silencing the room, “the reason I wanted to speak to you all is that Lee and I big news. We’re going to have a baby!” Before the news can sink in, mum and dad have already jumped off the sofa and are embracing Emma and Lee, closely followed by Becca and Riley. Jamie and I bring up the rear, largely thanks to Jamie literally having to drag my shocked self off the sofa.

“Oh my god oh my god!” Becca squeaks as she hugs Emma tightly. “I’m gonna be an auntie!”

“Um, congratulations,” I say, giving Emma a big hug. “Does- does this make me an uncle?”

“Yep!” Lee says, giving me a hearty handshake. “Your new job title is ‘cool uncle who’ll teach music to the kid’, reckon you’re up to it?”

“Umm, I guess,” I say, still shocked by the revelation.

“How far gone are you?” Mum asks, clearly giddy at the prospect of becoming a grandmother for the first time.

“Two months,” Emma explains. “Don’t have an exact due date yet but it’ll be come time toward the end of July…” I stand in a daze, listening to Emma and Lee gush about their impending arrival, but it barely seems real to me.

“Hey,” Jamie whispers to me, gently grabbing my hand. “Stu, are you okay?”

“Hmm?” I ask, snapping out of my funk. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. And that’s ‘Uncle Stu’!” Jamie giggles as Emma wrests my hand from her grip, before grabbing Becca’s hand as well.

“We’ve also decided,” Emma announces excitedly, “that the baby’s ‘cool uncle’ and ‘cool auntie’ should also be ‘cool godparents’!” Becca gasps excitedly, hugging Emma tightly, whilst I simply chuckle before awkwardly joining in the group hug.

“God above,” I laugh, “between Mary’s kid, Charlotte’s kid and now you, is there going to be any infant in London I’m NOT godfather of?”

“What Charlotte and Mary do is up to them,” Emma says proudly. “I can’t think of any better godfather for my baby than my little bro!”

“And my little bro too,” Lee laughs. “Though he stretches the ‘cool’ bit of ‘cool uncle’ a bit too far…” The whole family laughs as we celebrate the good news, news that I still only sinking in for me.

A little while later, whilst Emma, mum, Becca and Jamie are looking through maternity and baby websites, I find myself in the kitchen celebrating with Lee, dad and Riley.

“To the new dad!” Dad toasts, raising a glass of champagne to his son-in-law.

“To the new granddad!” Lee toasts, making dad laugh with embarrassment.

“Gonna have to get used to that,” dad chuckles.

“Maybe now you’ll FINALLY retire?” I tease, making dad roll his eyes. “You ARE sixty-five…”

“What, put my feet up with a pipe and slippers and tell stories to my grandchildren all day long?” Dad snorts. “…Doesn’t sound too bad, now that I come to think about it! Also, we missed a toast: to the new uncle!” I chuckle as the glasses are raised in my honour.

“And to the new- whatever you are, Riley!” I laugh, making the younger man roll his eyes.

“To the new auntie’s boyfriend,” Lee laughs. “Hey Stu, I bet you never thought growing up that you’d ever be someone’s uncle, right?” A brief pause fills the kitchen- whilst I’m not exactly secretive about my ‘status’, it’s not something my family have ever been comfortable discussing openly. As far as they’re concerned, I’m a man and I always have been- which is just the way I like it. I do have to concede, however, that my brother-in-law DOES have a point…

“Yeah,” I laugh. “If you’d told me ten years ago that I’d be in here rather than out there with the women…”

“If you’d told ME that ten years ago, heh,” dad laughs, giving me a playful pat on the shoulder.

“On a related note, what are you hoping for?” I ask Lee, who takes a deep breath.

“I honestly don’t mind,” Lee says with a happy smile. “Boy OR girl, I’ll love them just the same.”

“And, should the quote-unquote ‘worst’ happen and it turns out to be boy THEN girl or girl THEN boy?” I ask the expectant father, who is clearly stumped by the question.

“They’ll still be my child,” Lee says stoically. “They’ll ALWAYS be my child.” Another brief, awkward pause fills the room before dad chuckles and pours another glass of champagne.

Later that night, as Jamie and I- both the worse for wear after several glasses of champagne- snuggle up together in bed, I can’t help but chuckle about the fact that I, born as a girl called Claire, am now legally a man called Stuart. And not just that- I’m about to become an uncle too.

“Hey,” Jamie whispers. “You seemed kinda… Distant today, after Emma made her ‘announcement. Penny for your thoughts?” I giggle as the amazing girl effortlessly sees straight into my soul.

“That kid,” I explain, “all throughout their life, will only ever know me as ‘Uncle Stu’.”

“Yep,” Jamie says happily. “What about it?”

“They’ll have absolutely no idea that I was anything other than a man,” I laugh. “Even anatomically, my SRS will only be a few months after they’re born…”

“Aww,” Jamie coos, giving me a tight cuddle. “For what it’s worth, I don’t see you as anything other than a man, and I never have…”

“Even when you take ‘this’ into account?” I ask, slowly sliding Jamie’s soft hand toward my crotch.

“ESPECIALLY when I take it into ‘hand’,” Jamie giggles, grabbing my engorged clitoris and squeezing and stroking it until I explode in a long, powerful orgasm.

"I love you," I gasp, kissing Jamie on the lips before we both fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms...

I wake up the following morning with my body still entwined with Jamie’s, our most sensitive areas still pressed together. As I cuddle the soft, warm girl in my arms, I realise that there’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here, right now.

“Mmm,” Jamie stirs, snuggling closer into my embrace. “Morning, sexy…”

“Morning, sexy,” I echo. “Feel that I owe you for last night…” Jamie giggles as I slowly run my tongue up her labia, gently sucking at her own clitoris, squeezing it between my lips and feeling her body slowly start to buck.

"Oh god," Jamie gasps as I stimulate her further and further.

"Oh god!" Jamie yells. "Yes! YES! KEITH!"

My whole body freezes as Jamie yells my best friend’s name. Slowly, and slightly shaking, I raise my head above the sheets and stare dumbfounded at Jamie, who looks just as shocked as I do.

“Ja-Jamie…” I whisper, my mind a blur of confusion, heartbreak and anger.

“Stu…” Jamie whispers. Immediately, I jump out of bed and brace myself against a chest of drawers to stop myself from hyperventilating.

“My name’s not Keith!” I yell hysterically. “My name’s not Keith!”

“Stu, I didn’t mean anything-“ Jamie pleads, grabbing my shoulders from behind.

“No, no!” I yell, shaking myself free of Jamie’s touch. “Get dressed!” Still freaking out, I reach into my underwear drawer and pull on three pairs of boxer shorts, one over the other.

“Stu, please, you need to calm down,” Jamie says to no avail.

“How many times have you fucked him, huh?” I ask.

“STU!” Jamie yells angrily, snapping me out of my frenzy.

“I- I’m sorry,” I say, stripping off my outer pairs of boxer shorts. “I, um- heh, you have to admit, that came as a bit of a surprise…”

“Once,” Jamie says with a look of pure guilt on her face. Immediately, my heart sinks into my stomach and I grab onto the chest of drawers for support. “We had sex once, only once.”

“Wh-when?” I ask, barely fighting back tears.

“About a week after my birthday,” Jamie says. “Just after he broke up with Charlotte, we were fighting... Stu, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I-“

“I think you should leave,” I say coldly. Silently, and with tears in her eyes, Jamie nods and pulls on her underwear and her dress. Normally, I’d be enthralled by the sight of Jamie getting dressed, normally I’d drink down every second of the sight, but now… I can’t imagine a bigger betrayal. My girlfriend and my best friend, the two people who should love and respect me the most… Even if it’s just the once, as Jamie claims, it means that they’ve been lying to my face for at least two months.

My mind remains a blur as Jamie leaves my house. Every time we made love, was Jamie thinking of Keith? Every time we hung out, played videogames, was Keith secretly laughing in my face, knowing that he’d banged my girlfriend and I had no idea? I’ve always known there was a mutual attraction between Jamie and Keith, if I wasn’t seeing Jamie I’d probably be all in favour of them getting together, but I LOVE Jamie, I’m IN LOVE with Jamie… Keith must have known how much this would hurt, how much this would destroy me if I found out…

I pick up my phone and press the speed dial button for Keith. I take two deep breaths to calm myself down. I have to give him the chance to explain himself, I can’t simply tear his head off, he IS still my best friend…

“Morning Stu!” Keith says cheerily into the phone, making my blood boil.

“Alright mate,” I reply as cheerfully as possibly. “Up to much today?”

“Um, just some coursework,” Keith replies. “Thought you were working all day today?”

“Got a bit of creative block,” I semi-lie. “Figured a couple of hours of Destiny should help clear it.”

“You HAVE got a PS4,” Keith laughs. “Nothing stopping you from playing it anyway…” You slippery bastard… I think to myself. Has Jamie already spoken to you, warned you that I’m ‘on the warpath’?

“Not the same,” I laugh, barely able to hold my tongue.

“Ehh, okay then,” Keith laughs. “Couple of hours won’t hurt. See you in a bit, mate.” I take a deep breath as I end the call and head out to my car, barely taking the time to say goodbye to my family. When I arrive at Keith’s, I receive my usual greeting of a can of coke and a PS4 controller. I settle down for the impromptu gaming session, but my skin is crawling from being so close to the man who had sex with my girlfriend behind my back.

“What song you stuck on?” Keith asks. “You said you were having a hard time with work?”

“Ugh,” I sigh, hastily crafting a response. “It’s less the work, more… I had another falling-out with Jamie last night.”

“Ahh, that sucks mate,” Keith says. “You two seem to fall out every other week…” I bristle as Keith comments on the relationship he may very well have destroyed. Jamie was good enough, honest enough to come clean to me… I need to give Keith the same chance, appeal to his guilt… Assuming he has any…

“It because we love each other so much,” I say stoically. “I think we both hold each other in such high regard, if the other makes a mistake it hurts all the more…”

“Yeah, I guess…” Keith says. A brief pause fills the room as we continue our gaming session.

“God knows I’m not innocent,” I say. “Though Jamie’s cocked up a few times too…”

“Nobody’s perfect,” Keith says. I can tell from the look on his face that he’s hiding SOMETHING, and obviously I already know what it is… I want to give him the chance to tell me of his own accord, but he’s clearly not, and my blood pressure is rising and rising…

“Stand up a sec,” I say, pausing the game. With a confused look on his face, Keith complies, and a nanosecond later I throw the hardest punch I can manage into his abdomen. Keith drops to his knees, winded, and looks up at me with a face full of confusion and furious anger.

“What the FUCK, mate!?” Keith yells.

“You! My girlfriend! That bed!” I shout, letting out all my bottled-up fury. “THAT’s what!”

“…Shit,” Keith says, still clearly angry about the punch but- fortunately- not looking like he’s going to retaliate. “Mate, you need to understand, it was just the one time, I’d just broken up with Charlotte, you and Jamie were fighting-“

“Don’t. Just… Don’t,” I say, calming myself down with several deep breaths. “I believe you. I believe you when you said it was just once. I shouldn’t…”

“Mate,” Keith says softly, standing up. “I NEVER wanted to hurt you. Believe me, I know what it’s like…”

“So you thought you’d treat me to the same feeling?” I spit. “Some fucking friend you are!”

“It. Was. A. Mistake,” Keith says. “We both regretted it immediately as it happened, honest!”

“That doesn’t excuse you lying to my face for the last two and a half months!” I yell, barely restraining myself rom punching Keith again. “And you! And Jamie! If it had been me who’d slept with Charlotte, you’d have torn me to pieces!”

“Oh please,” Keith snorts. “As if Charlotte would’ve slept with you, she only likes REAL men…”

The next few seconds pass as though I’m in a trance, like I’m not in control of my body. In an instant, I’ve rugby tackled Keith to the ground and am sat on top of him raining punched down on his arms, which he’s brought up to block his face. As control returns to me and I hesitate, Keith seizes the opportunity to retaliate and punches me HARD in my mouth, splitting open the inside of my bottom lip. Keith capitalises on my dazed state by pinning my sore face to the carpet underneath his knee.

“CALM THE FUCK DOWN!” Keith yells as I yell with pain and frustration. It takes a while, but I eventually calm down long enough for Keith to release me, though he’s obviously keeping me at arm’s length.

“You were my best friend!” I yell, my speech slurred thanks to my damaged mouth. “You of all people, I should be able to trust!”

“Stu-“ Keith says, but I’ve had enough- I can’t bear to spend another second in the man’s presence.

“Fuck you!” I yell, walking out and heading down to my car. After taking a few deep breaths, I start the engine and head home, heading immediately up to my room without even saying so much as ‘hi’ to my assembled family. I collapse face-first on my bed and take a few seconds to control my emotions, but it’s to no avail, as within seconds I’ve broken down in floods of very unmanly tears. I’ve just about cried myself dry when a faint knock on my door brings me back to reality.

“Can I come in?” Dad says softly, poking his head around my door.

“Yeah, sure,” I say, drying my eyes and sitting up.

“Don’t tell either of your sisters this,” dad says, sitting down next to me, “but out of the three of you, you were by far the most beautiful baby. Don’t get me wrong, all three of you were truly, truly beautiful and perfect. I know, I’m your father, I’m obliged to say this…”

“Getting anywhere near a point?” I jokingly ask, earning a playful shove from dad.

“The point is,” dad says, “I always knew you’d be, well, ‘popular’. Always knew you’d break someone’s heart one day, and get your heart broken in return… Just never envisaged you looking like this when you did, heh.”

“If I’m honest,” I sigh, “there were days when I thought I’d never EVER look like this, or live life the way I am.”

“Really?” Dad chuckles. “You seemed pretty damned sure the day you ‘came out’ to us… Hard to believe that was nearly nine years ago.”

“Nine years during which I’ve plenty of other girlfriends,” I say. “I’ll get over Jamie.”

“I wish I could believe you,” dad sighs. “Don’t forget, you’re still my son, in a lot of ways I know you better than you know yourself, and I’ve NEVER seen you as head over heels about a girl as you are with Jamie. Son… What happened?” I take a deep breath, only to start suddenly crying again, prompting dad to give me a heartfelt hug.

“Let it out, son, let it out,” dad says as I cry into his shoulder.

“She slept with my best friend,” I blub.

“God, you just don’t get any of the breaks, do you?” Dad sighs. “Is this the same ‘best friend’ who gave you this?” Dad asks, pointing to my swollen lip.

“Yeah,” I sigh.

“Some friend,” dad chuckles. "Obviously if he'd done that to you nine years ago, well, let's just say I'd make sure he went away with more than just a fat lip!"

“In fairness, I did hit him first,” I say, making dad burst out laughing.

"Is that your first ever fight?" Dad asks.

"First one I ever lost," I moan, making dad laugh again.

"Welcome to being a MAN," dad says. "There's no shame in losing a fight, as long as you learn from it and don't repeat the same mistakes."

"And is Jamie a mistake I shouldn't repeat?" I ask, suddenly feeling every bit the little girl I was 20 years ago.

"Only you can say for certain," dad says. "All I'll say is that if you didn't love her as much as I know you do, it wouldn't hurt this much. I'll be downstairs if you need anything, ANYTHING, son." I take a long, deep breath and let it out in a loud, relaxing sigh.

"Thanks, dad," I say, giving my father one more hug.

After dad leaves, I collapse back on my bed, but I get very little chance to relax before my phone beeps with a new text message.

"Jamie?" I think out loud as I read the text.

'Hi mate,' the message- from Keith- reads. 'Mate, I am sorry, so, so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I've fucked up, I've made the biggest mistake of my life, please, please can we talk face to face without fists getting involved?' Despite Keith's request, I ball my sore hand into a fist and punch it into my pillow, before tossing my phone back on my nightstand, Keith's message read but not replied to. Another knock at my door interrupts my thoughts before I can lay back down, and Becca lets herself into my room, clutching a plastic ice pack.

"For your mouth, idiot," Becca says, handing me the cold parcel, which I gratefully apply to my mouth. "Dad told me what happened... Are you okay?"

"No," I moan, prompting Becca to give me a long, sisterly hug.

"You're, um, kinda dripping down my back," Becca giggles, releasing the hug and pointing to the water marks on the back of her tight top.

"Sorry," I say with a slight giggle of my own.

"It'll dry," Becca says. "Will- will you be okay?"

"I dunno," I say honestly.

"Have you talked to Jamie since this morning?" Becca asks cautiously.

"No," I sigh. "I mean, I want to, but at the same time, I DON'T want to... God, why did this have to happen to me? If Jamie had fucked someone else, I'd be able to confide in Keith, if Keith and I had fallen out, I'd always have Jamie... But both of them... Who do I have left?"

"Us, you moron!" Becca says, giving me another tight, welcome hug. "You'll ALWAYS have me, and Emma, and mum and dad..."

"I really, really love her..." I blub.

"Trust me, it's obvious," Becca giggles. "You should call her. If not now, then later on today... Just don't leave it TOO long, okay?"

"When did you become the 'wise old woman' again?" I tease, earning a playful whack in the arm.

"I'm only a teenager for another four months," Becca laughs. "Got to grow up eventually!"

"Trust me, adult life can truly SUCK at times," I say, making Becca giggle happily.

"Call her!" My baby sister orders as she leave me alone with my thoughts and my ice pack. I lay back down on my bed, but Becca's words resonate in my head, and before too long, my phone is in my hand, my finger resting on the button for Jamie's speed dial. I shiver as I push the button and the line is picked up after just one ring.

"Stu?" Jamie asks expectantly.

"Hi Jamie," I say, my speech still distorted by my split lip.

"Stu... You sound terrible," Jamie says, her voice filled with clear emotion. "Keith told me what happened, are you okay? Please tell me you're okay..."

"I'm probably going to be eating the next couple of meals through a straw," I joke. "I'm fine... My mouth will heal, but what you did to my heart- that's going to take some time to repair."

"Stu," Jamie blubs, and the sound of her crying, in pain, only hurts me more.

"Jamie," I say, interrupting Jamie before she has a chance to speak. "I- I want to forgive, but I don't know that I can."

"I promise, I swear, I swear on my parents' life I will never, ever cheat on you again," Jamie pleads, but every word only wrenches my heart more and more.

"I want to believe you," I say. "I really, really want to... But I can't, Jamie, I'm sorry, but I just can't. Not immediately."

"What are you saying?" Jamie asks between obvious tears.

"I think we should take a break," I say, barely choking back tears of my own. "At least until after Christmas. Take some time to figure out what it is we really want."

"You," Jamie whispers. "You're what I want."

"Really?" I ask coldly. "Because I know for a fact you've wanted Keith longer than you've ever wanted me, and he is now available, AND you know he wants you..."

"Stu, please don't," Jamie says, anger seeping into her voice. I take the hint- one thing I've learned from my relationship with Jamie is how easy it is to push her buttons, and now is NOT the time to do that, even with my paranoia running wild.

"I'll see you around, Jamie," I say, pushing the 'end call' button before the distraught girl has a chance to argue further. I lay back down on my bed and have yet another quiet weep, before the 'new text message' notification on my phone beeps again, and yet again, I find myself hoping that it's from Jamie, and yet again, my hopes are dashed.

'Mate, I know you've read my message, the message- again from Keith- reads. 'Remember we both have iPhones? Text me back when you read this.'

"Fuck you, you cunt," I spit, before taking a deep breath and composing a reply.

'I have nothing to say to you,' I reply, hoping to draw a line under the day's events, only to be frustrated when my message alert beeps again.

'Mate, I feel like the biggest twat in the world,' Keith's message reads. 'Please, I want to make it up to you, let me know what it is, I don't want to lose my best friend. If you want me to never see Jamie again, I'll make that promise.' I sigh, knowing that Keith isn't going to stop his pleading until I've forgiven him.

'We'll talk tomorrow at your place,' I type, receiving a basic 'OK' message in reply.

I spend the rest of the day in my room, listening to music and trying to get work done, before heading to bed just after 10pm. Less than fifteen minutes after I get my still-sore head down, though, I'm interrupted by yet another text message on my phone.

"What is it now, Keith?" I sigh, but when I read the message, it's not from Keith, but from Krystie- my ex-girlfriend and probably Jamie's best friend besides Charlotte.

'You absolute rat,' the message reads. 'Jamie is absolutely devastated. What the fuck did you do?' I roll my eyes at the accusatory tone of the message. It'd be VERY easy for me to drop both Jamie and Keith in it, like throwing a lit match into a box of fireworks and standing back to watch the resulting explosions...

'You don't know the whole story,' I bluntly reply. 'Stop throwing accusations around until you get your facts straight.' My message was probably a little TOO harsh- Krystie's always prided herself on her loyalty to her friends, and it IS an admirable trait... But as I lay here with a banging headache, a split lip and a heart torn in two, the last thing I need is an angry ex-girlfriend ripping me to pieces.

When I wake up my head’s still pounding, though the swelling in my mouth is thankfully starting to go down. I check my phone for another message from Krystie, but thankfully there isn’t one. Before I started seeing Jamie, Krystie would probably have been the ex-girlfriend I thought of most fondly- she’s hot-headed, sure, but she’s also very warm and friendly, and one of the bubbliest people I know. Even after we split up, we still had a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement for a brief while, and if it weren’t for the text message- and the fact that I’ve recently set Krystie up with one of my musician friends, a relationship that seems to be blossoming as fast as my own relationship is collapsing- I’d be straight on the phone asking for ‘benefits’.

However, when my phone beeps to alert me of a new text message, it’s neither Krystie nor Jamie trying to get in touch with me, but Keith, my now ex-best friend.

‘Hi mate,’ the message reads, making me bristle, but to nowhere near the extent it would have last night. ‘What time you coming round today?’ I remember Becca’s and dad’s words yesterday before composing my response.

‘Need to catch up on work today,’ I reply. ‘Can you drop round mine?’

‘Sure,’ the immediate reply reads. After showering, I get dressed in my usual jeans & sweatshirt, but I pause to look at myself in the mirror before pulling on my top, gently fingering the long, pink scars that run across my chest. I’m not under any illusion that life as a man is any harder than life as a woman, but with the pain in my mouth, and the bruise forming on the side of my head… If my name had still been Claire, Keith wouldn’t have laid a finger on me, he wouldn’t have dared, and I truly believe that dad would have followed up on his threat if Keith had harmed me in anyway. But now that I’m Stuart… I can’t have ‘daddy’ fight my fights for me. I’ve got to take my knocks, painful as they are…

After a very cold breakfast, I sit down at my computer and immerse myself in my work, hoping that the music will distract me from my worries. It works a little TOO well, however, as my headphones mean I’m unable to hear the knock on my bedroom door, causing me to jump (and subsequently completely ruin a keyboard part) when Keith taps me on the shoulder.

“Whoa, whoa, I come in peace,” Keith says, holding his hands up and laughing. “How’s your mouth?”

“You tell me,” I say, pulling down my top lip to show Keith the damage.

“Ehh,” Keith grimaces. “I am really, really sorry about that mate. For what it’s worth, you left a mark too…” Keith rolls up his sleeves to display a series of nasty yellow bruises on his forearms that could only have been caused by my balled fists.

“You drew blood,” I joke. “You win.”

“Yeah, not sure that’s how fights work,” Keith chuckles. “Apart from your mouth, how are you doing?”

“Been better,” I sigh. “Jamie and I are now officially on a break.”

“Ah, that sucks mate,” Keith sighs, sitting down on my bed.

“And to answer your next question,” I say coldly. “If you want to- well, if you want Jamie…”

“I’m not going THERE again,” Keith sighs.

“If you and Jamie like each other- and you clearly do- then you should,” I say.

“She likes YOU,” Keith says.

“She’s liked you a lot longer than she’s liked me,” I moan. “You know that, surely?”

“Yeah,” Keith sighs. “But some things come at too high a price. Especially as Jamie’s also going to be godmother to my son…”

“Has Charlotte told you she’s also picked me as godfather?” I say with a hint of a smug grin on my face.

“Yep,” Keith chuckles. “Saved me the trouble of picking you myself. You’re going to be busy splitting godfather duties between Kristina-Leigh and Keith junior, heh.”

“AND my sister’s kid,” I say. “Emma’s pregnant, 2 months. Only found out a couple of days ago.”

“Oh mate, that’s awesome!” Keith laughs. “2 months would mean that she’s due in July, right? That’s cool, imagine if your niece and Keith junior went to the same school and became boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“Who’s to say the child will be a girl?” I say smugly.

“We’ll find out when she- or he- is born, I guess,” Keith replies.

“Yeah,” I say. “They said that about me too, remember?” Keith lets out a loud, hearty laugh.

“Touché, mate, touché,” Keith chuckles. “Mate… Are we good? I mean yes, I’m going to be apologising for this- all of this- for years, I’m more than prepared to do that…”

“We’re OKAY,” I say. “Gonna be a while before we get back to ‘good’.”

“But we are gonna get back there, right?” Keith asks cautiously.

“Probably,” I say, switching off my keyboard and handing Keith a PlayStation controller.

“Destiny day?” Keith asks as I switch on the videogame.

“Nah, Mortal Kombat,” I say. “Seems more appropriate somehow.” Keith laughs as I load up the game and we spend the next two hours beating lumps out of each other- but only in digital form. After Keith leaves, I return to my work, but my mind is filled with images of the blonde beauty I’ve shared my life with for the past eight months. Even when I try not to love her, I’m reminded of just why we spent so much time together, why I adore her so much… Despite myself, I pick up my phone and dial her speed dial. Once again, the phone is answered after the first ring.

“Stu…” Jamie says softly. “How- how are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” I lie. “Jamie, I- I just needed to talk to you, see how you were doing…”

“I’ve also been better,” Jamie sighs. “Had a girls night last night, onesies and ice cream, heh.”

“Was Becca there?” I ask. “Don’t recall hearing her go out…”

“No,” Jamie replies. “It was the usual ten minus her and Mary.”

“That would explain the angry text I got from Krys then,” I joke. “I haven’t told anyone WHY we’re fighting, well, not apart from my family.”

“Thank you,” Jamie whispers. “I’m steering clear of all the news websites, last thing I need is to see a picture of my face with the word ‘slut’ branded across it…”

“I don’t think you’re a slut,” I say softly. “Jamie… If you want to be with Keith-“

“No,” Jamie replies forcefully. “I can’t do that, not to you, not to Charlotte.”

“Keith and Charlotte are long since finished,” I say.

“…But what about us?” Jamie asks, clearly on the verge of tears.

“…We had a good run,” I say, I choking back tears of my own.

“No…” Jamie whispers. “Please, please don’t make this break permanent…”

“You need to decide what you want,” I say. “With a clear head, you need this break as much as I do. Jamie… I do hope that we can remain friends. For what it’s worth… I DO forgive you.”

“I hope we can be friends too,” Jamie whispers. “If you need space, I’ll give you it...”

“I’ll see you around, Jamie,” I say, hanging up the phone and collapsing back on my bed in floods of tears. Forgiving Jamie is the easy part. Forgetting, allowing myself to trust her again… That’s the hard part. And if she does end up with Keith, that’s okay, they’ll both be great together, I’ve long since thought that.

And I’ll be fine. Really, I will- pain fades, and there are plenty of other fish in the sea, I’m sure I can find someone I can love just as much as I love Jamie. Jamie’s friend Hannah- publicly considered the sexiest of all the Angels- is still somehow single, and whilst she’s two inches taller than me, we’ve always got on well. Emma’s always trying to set me up with some of her friends from work, Becca will occasionally try the same with her uni mates…

Who says lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, anyway?