Tamara's Début   Part Thirteen   by Shiraz

 
Friday 28th November
 
Tammy came to with Elsie and her father by her side. She was disorientated for a few seconds then remembered what had been said.

"He can't."

"Tammy," Elsie spoke, "the other governors told him to withdraw his remarks. I had already made it clear to them that you had been told to pretend to be someone else for your own safety. I can't say he'll be happy but we'll have to live with that."

"Was it Mr Small?"

"Yes, it was. It is fortunate you told me about those encounters, Tammy. Would you want some water?"

They waited for Thomas to bring Tammy a glass of chilled water before continuing. The headmaster now took back control of the situation.

"Miss Smart,Tammy, can we get back to the main issue? The governors have agreed that a change in policy for the sixth form may be appropriate and we could admit girls over sixteen years old as day students. This is subject to ratification at the next meeting but would remove that obstacle if you're prepared to be a day student."

"I am. Thank you sir."

"Please bear in mind that the policy change cannot take place for another three weeks because it has to be an agenda item at the next full meeting. The time-scale for that meeting takes us almost to the Christmas break. Even assuming that policy change is confirmed, however, we would still need evidence that you are legally female."

Richard asked the obvious question, "why can't Tammy return now?"

"Because she'd have to return as a male, if she was dressed as a female then she would not have the added protection of the law, she could therefore be the subject of discrimination and made a laughing stock by the other students, perhaps also some of the staff."

"I see, what about the meantime?"

"We'll continue to treat Tammy as an extraordinary medical case and supply coursework. I'll have the messenger drop by daily on their way to and from the post-office. Is that acceptable, Miss Smart?"

"Tammy?" Tammy had almost switched off during that exchange.

"Yes sir."

The headmaster got up to leave then stopped at the study door.

"Oh, we have changed your school records to Miss Tamara Smart. I'll write to you to confirm what we've said here, most of it anyway."

That last remark gained a polite chuckle from the others, the head then bade his farewell and walked out into the cold air. It had started snowing and a thin layer was settling on the gravel driveway. Elsie and Richard were stood next to Tammy in the hallway.

"Tammy, why don't you go and have a wash? You still have the rehearsal tonight if you want to go and dinner will be about fifteen minutes."

Tammy walked upstairs to her room; today hadn't been so bad, she thought, but what was happening to her though? She had never become so wound up before.

She was back down with a few minutes to spare. Dinner was a quiet affair, she had the feeling the others present didn't want to wind her up. Michael was sat opposite, constantly looking in Tammy's direction. As they rose to head out of the dining room Michael walked alongside Tammy.

"Would you like a lift to the theatre?"

"Yes please, if you don't mind?"

"I have to go into town anyway, when do you want to leave?"

"Five minutes?"

Tammy rushed back upstairs and decided to put some thicker tights on with the skirt her father had bought that afternoon. A few minutes later she was walking out of the door into the snow, it was falling harder now.

Michael borrowed Elsie's Landrover for the ride into Thurso, dropping Tammy outside the theatre at six forty-five. He reached over and gave her a kiss on the cheek just as she was about to get out of the car. Tammy blushed, having mixed emotion.

"Thank you, er, Michael. See you at nine?"

She hurried in through the door and shook the snow off her coat and hat before hanging them up. She hurried over to join fellow actor Tanya at the piano as Iain Brown addressed the cast.

"Everyone, thanks for being her promptly tonight. What we're going to do tonight is do a complete run through, without the dancing. Just the dialogue and the songs. I'll give you a chance to warm up, we start in five."

Sandy Franklin, the musical director, helped Tammy and Tanya through some exercises, they'd been joined at the piano by the boys playing Tony, Bernardo and Riff. Tammy could see John Hibbert about five metres away, he'd plainly been looking at her but turned quickly away when Tammy smiled at him.

Act 1 went well, with only a few false starts. Some of the gang members had to be told not to shout, and maybe not to sing, "just mime, can you?" suggested the director.

During the ten minute break John started walking slowly over to Tammy. She sensed that she could ruin everyone's evening at this point, she also knew that it had to be done, regardless. She asked him to sit down, not giving him a chance to argue. She had to take control of what happened next.

"John, I needed to speak to you."

"Why?" He was confused, he had only just gained the courage to speak to her.

"John, it's me Tom, or at least it used to be."

John sat there open mouthed, then uttered one word, "what?"

Tammy laughed at him then paused for a few seconds, "you need to ask a more intelligent question John, but I think I know what you mean!"

John smiled, he was still confused but these were Tom's words, not the girl sat in front of him in the long skirt with a wide smile on her face.

"John, let me give you the short version. My name is now legally Tamara Smart but I'm known as Tammy. I'm living as a girl and I'll be returning to school in a few weeks as a girl."

"But, but, it's a boys school." John concentrated on the subject matter he could comprehend.

"Not for much longer, the governors decided today in principle to allow girls in the sixth form. They meet again in a few weeks to confirm that decision."

"But why are you dressed like that?" He finally asked the question that had been bugging him for the past two minutes.

"Because this is who I really am, my shrink agrees with me."

"A shrink, is it a mental illness?"

"No, I'll say it's a state of mind, if that's easier to understand. Inside my outwardly male body is a female soul. Did you imagine for one minute I wasn't a girl before you came over to speak to me?"

"No, and I was coming over to ask you out!"

"Maybe next week?"

John blushed bright red but was saved by Iain calling the cast back together. Tanya hadn't missed John's reaction and whispered to Tammy when they returned to the piano.

"What did you say to him?"

"That would be telling, but I turned down a date so he's all yours if you want him. His name's John and he's a nice guy."

"Thanks, I'm a free agent at the moment."

The second act went well and they were finished just before nine. Iain called them together before they left.

"Everyone, can you be back at three on Sunday please for another run through. I want the gang members here for dance practice on Monday at seven and everyone at seven on Wednesday as usual. We only have a few weeks to get this right and we start full dress rehearsals in just over a week. Goodnight."

As they walked to the coat hooks John caught up with Tammy. "Tammy I still don't understand."

Tammy had a quick idea, "John, how are you getting back to the school?"

"I booked a taxi for nine fifteen in case we overran."

"Cancel it and ride back with me. I'll make sure you get back to the school by eleven."

John thought about it for a few seconds then pulled his phone out to call the taxi company. Michael pulled up in the Landrover and Tammy almost had to put John, who was now having second thoughts, into the rear seats. Tammy rode up front with Michael.

"Michael, this is John Hibbert, a school friend." "Hi John." "Hello Michael."

The ride back to the house was quiet. It wasn't snowing any longer but there was a fair cushion of the fluffy stuff on the ground, and it wasn't going anywhere soon, the road however was clear.

Tammy pulled the still uncertain John in through the front door where one of the staff met them to take their coats. John suddenly realised that Tammy had been holding his hand.

"Ummm, perhaps I should head back?"

"Don't be silly, come with me."

She led him to the sitting room where her father and Elsie were sat.

"Dad, Elsie, I believe you both know John from my year?"

"Tammy, I take it that ..." Richard was about to ask if John knew the truth about Tammy.

Tammy cut him off, "yes." She wanted to say more but felt it was best left unsaid.

"John, this is my father and Elsie McPherson. Elsie is one of the school governors and owner of this house."

"Pleased to meet you Mr Smart, Mrs McPherson, although I'm not sure why I'm here." he tried to laugh at his own joke, Tammy at least knew his humour well and joined in.

"Elsie, could you arrange for some coffee please? We'll be in my room."

She could see her father's eyes suddenly connect with hers."

"It's okay dad, John will be the perfect gentleman. I just need to have a quiet chat with him. Do you think we could arrange for him to go back to the school in perhaps an hour?"

"I'll sort that out, and I trust you young lady."

John registered the last comment but was still trying to make sense of it as Tammy led him up the stairs. She left the door open as she sat in one of the armchairs, John took the other. Nothing meaningful was said until after the coffee had been delivered and the door closed.

"Tom, Tammy, I'm confused, I mean really confused."

"John, I thought you should be the first to know, we've known each-other for so many years, but you only knew Tom not Tammy."

"What does that mean?"

"Inside, in here," Tammy pointed at her bust realising that would have to be mentioned," in here is a female heart, a female soul, a female mind. They've always been there, I've just had to hide my true self."

"I think I understand," he plainly didn't.

"let me put it another way, do you remember how I kept myself to myself? How I played rugby but couldn't have made the first or second fifteen however much I tried?"

"Yes, you were better at running and shooting than the team games."

"That's right. Now think, did I spend time in the common room except when I had to?"

"No, come to think of it."

"I didn't fit in." She left that hanging in the air as she sipped her coffee and nibbled the ginger nuts that had been brought up at the same time. She waited for John to say the next words but he obviously didn't know what to say.

"John, I want you to understand that I'm living as a woman now, a young lady if you prefer. I'm seeing people who understand me and who don't think I have a mental disorder. I hope, in a few weeks, I'll have a letter that says I'm legally female. I've already changed my name, as far as I'm concerned Tom no longer exists."

"Wow, I mean you're serious aren't you?" Tammy just nodded. "So are you going to," he blushed, "have it, umm, chopped off?"

"Not yet, at least, and not without persuading many doctors if I finally decide I want to."

Another coffee sipping break was needed whilst John formulated the next question, although he'd already asked it, "When are you coming back to school?"

"Just after Christmas hopefully, there has to be another governors' meeting and I need more one or two more letters from my doctors."

"I saw them empty your room."

"Yes, I won't be staying at the school any more, I'm living here now."

John looked around the room, trying not to look at the very pretty double bed, "it's bigger than your old room."

"Slightly, I have en-suite and a walk-in wardrobe." She got up and opened the doors. he saw all the feminine clothes hanging there and blushed again. Having been at the school for seven years he was not used to being around the female species.

"John, you need to control yourself," she giggled.

"Tammy, what do I tell the others?"

"I reckon that new rumours will be going round the school very quickly. I'll have an announcement ready for the sixth form by breakfast on Monday. Keep it to yourself until then?"

He agreed and I walked him downstairs. Michael had been nominated to take John back to the school, they left a few minutes later. Outside Tammy could see it was snowing again, only this time it was quite hard. The wind had got up as well, it was blowing a force eight.

Tammy gave her father a quick kiss and went up to bed. She missed seeing Michael and John return to the house, the A9 was blocked and the snowploughs hadn't yet been sent out. Michael wasn't confident driving on heavy snow yet, having passed his test in the spring. The only option was to turn back.
 
 
Saturday 29th November
 
Tammy was therefore surprised to see John Hibbert at breakfast when she came down in her gown after rising late. Elsie just just walking back into the room at that moment.

"John, I've spoken to the school and explained what had happened, they had only just realised you weren't at breakfast and had sent a boy to your room. I said we'd get you back there as soon as the road is open."

"Thank you for putting me up last night."

"It was no trouble, really."

Tammy decided to keep quiet and excused herself immediately after breakfast to shower and dress. She was due at Sarah's shop but had no intentions of going outside into the deep snow so dressed comfortably in a knee length skirt and sheer tights, coupled with a t-shirt. She phoned Sarah and gave her apologies for the day.

She came back downstairs as her father was getting ready to take John back to the school. Richard had opted to drive given the weather, he'd spent over a year living near the slopes west of Geneva. John's jaw dropped as he saw the teenage girl approaching. Richard gave his daughter a kiss, John, almost by reflex kissed her as well, then realised what he'd done, went red and apologised.

"John, there's nothing to apologise for."

"But, but....."

"But nothing, my father's waiting to take you now."

"Yes, bye Tom, er, Tammy."

Richard and John walked out the door and Tammy was left wondering what just happened. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate the peck on her cheek, she just wasn't expecting it from the young man she used to share a room with when they first arrived at the school.

She immersed herself in her school-work for the rest of the morning and again for the afternoon. The house was mostly quiet with everyone else reading or working. Richard had received some faxes from the bank which he was now concentrating on. He'd also received a box of papers from his London house the previous day and had those to deal with. It was the letters from his employer that took preference however. The main board of directors had agreed that savings had to be made in order to prevent direct interference by the government.

The letter Richard was holding right now was an offer of early retirement. At fifty years old he still expected to work for another five years before taking a very decent pension but now they were offering the same deal with some extras thrown in. He wanted to fax his acceptance straight away but knew Tammy's sponsorship would almost certainly end. A little bargaining was needed, as well as a chat with Tammy.

Of course the divorce would have another bearing on his retirement. He'd have to keep Tara away from his pension by making her an offer she couldn't refuse. He then had an idea that might help him, he quickly composed a fax to his solicitor suggesting a little pre-emptive surveillance of his wife but then remembered something. He phoned the hotel in Lausanne.

"Hello this is Richard Smart."

"Ah yes Mr Smart, how can I help you?"

"My wife Tara Smart is using suite 401 but I was thinking of of upgrade. I would like a copy of the last quarter's account first though, could you fax me the latest invoices to this number please?"

"Certainly."

Richard put aside his fax to Gerald, his solicitor, then started going through his files that had been delivered. He starting looking through the folders that contained Tammy's and his own investments but needed more time so vowed to go through them tomorrow. He was pulling out the property folder when the fax started up.

The first page made for interesting reading. Considering that the divorce papers were lodged less than two weeks earlier, his wife had been charging for two breakfasts from the last two weeks of September. The fax machine was still working, the following two months were printed and a similar story was laid bare. Richard screwed up the original fax to Gerald and wrote a new one, enclosing the hotel invoices; the divorce had just become interesting.

After dinner Richard asked Tammy to join him back in the study.

"Tammy, I know you're going through a big change in your life right now but I'd like your opinion on something else."

"What is it?"

"I've been offered early retirement."

"Do you want to retire?"

"I think right now, given the economic climate, it might be a good idea to take the offer." He handed Tammy the bank's covering letter and the pension illustration pages.

"That looks good, but what about the financial impact on the divorce?"

"I'm working on that and I have most of that in hand but right now I have a chance to modify the retirement deal. Is there anything you can think of that could be included?"

"Well, my school fees are paid by the bank, but if I'm not boarding then there's an adjustment to be made."

"Correct."

"And I was going to be sponsored through university."

"So, would you want to keep that?"

"I would have a guaranteed job after three or four years."

"Okay, I'll put that in. Do you think I should take it?"

"Had you considered retiring before they made this offer?"

"I hadn't considered the implications of early retirement, but how does moving up here sound?"

"You know I love this area, it's just a little too far from civilisation!"

"I'm sure we can do something about that. Question is, are you ready for me to be around every day?"

"Yes!" Tammy hugged her father and then started to cry on his shoulder. He said nothing, just held her tight, Richard knew these were tears of happiness.

Tammy was on a high that night when she went up to her room.
 
 
Sunday 30th November
 
The following morning Tammy returned to her studies immediately after an early breakfast and ordered some books from the school library by email; she was now openly using her Tammy email address. She printed off the finished work and bundled it together for the messenger on Monday morning.

Tammy then wrote one of the most difficult letters she'd ever had to write. This was an open letter to her fellow sixth formers, a shorter version would be put on the school's intranet.

Dear friends,
 
By now you will have heard many rumours concerning me, I'd like to be able to be open with you and give you the true version of why Tom Smart is now Tamara Smart.
 
I have for many years felt I was a girl trapped in a boy's body. I kept this hidden from almost everyone, including the school and my parents. It was a few weeks ago, when the school was first closed because of other problems that I became a girl fulltime. I was able to become the real me and stop pretending to be the person that everyone thought they knew.
 
I am still in the sixth form, I have not left, nor been asked to leave, the school. The governors have voted to accept my situation, subject to some remaining issues, and we are working together so I can return to the school itself in the new year. Until then I am living in Thurso, continuing my studies.
 
If anyone would like to contact me they can do so via the school office.
 
Tamara (Tammy) Smart

Tammy re-read the message then sent it to the Headteacher's email address, with a blind copy to John Hibbert.

It was now ten thirty, after a quick check to confirm her coursework was up to date, she made her way down to the sitting room. She was a little stiff from being sat for a few hours so said, to no-one in particular, that she needed a walk. The moment this was mentioned, Michael, who'd been sat in the far corner, stood up.

"Tammy, do you mind if I joined you?"

"Michael, I don't mind at all."

They grabbed their outdoor clothes, including sensible boots and walked out into the snow. They had just turned to head back when Michael starting speaking.

"Tammy, how are you handling all of this?"

"In what way?"

"I mean, your changes, how everyone reacts, my brother?"

"Michael, I used to be a quiet nerdy boy who wanted to hide, I wanted to hide from myself. I have no hang-ups now, I'm the girl I always should have been and I'm not afraid.

"Everyone has been so wonderful, that is everyone except your brother. I think his original problem was blind infatuation, then when he found out about me he feared he'd be laughed at. Of course he could always claim that he was under stress at the time because of the school kitchens problem."

"I suppose so, he might be my older brother but he was still an idiot. I don't know what he'll do now, mum has given him some heavy conditions if he wants her to help him again."

"So she speaks to him?"

"Yes, although shouts might be more accurate."

Tammy laughed, she'd never seen Elsie angry but knew she had a sharp tongue. She hadn't been paying attention to where her feet were going and suddenly slipped. Michael caught her before she hit the icy ground and helped Tammy back up. He kept hold of her arm, then linked his as they continued their walk back to the house.

They stopped on the steps by the side door.

"Michael, thanks for that. I could have hurt myself."

"I'd do anything for a lovely lady."

"Michael, if I didn't know better I thought you'd just made a pass at me."

They both laughed and stepped inside, leaving their dripping boots next to the door.

Richard was waiting for Tammy. "We need to have some lunch and get you to the theatre for three. I want to allow more time than normal so get changed out of those wet things and get back here for lunch. Off you go, girl." He lightly smacked her rear as she scuttled up the stairs.

Tammy came back down in a heavy wool skirt and went straight to the dining room for lunch.

Just after two thirty Tammy and Richard walked into the theatre. Very few people were there, but Tanya had already arrived and was warming up with the help of the piano.

"Hi Tammy. Is this your dad?"

"Yes, my taxi." The girls laughed, Richard looked as if he was going to say something but just smiled, kissed Tammy and walked back to the car.

When Iain walked onto the stage, the girls were on their second run of 'America', complete with the right accents. He applauded as they finished.

"Well done girls, I knew our talent scout was good at her work."

The rest of the rehearsal went smoothly, once the cast had finally arrived. Everyone now knew their parts.

"Everyone, we need to measure you for your costumes. Please get yourself to Sarah's Boutique on Wednesday afternoon, Sarah will be here on Wednesday evening for anyone who can't get to her, but she doesn't have time to see all of you here. I'm told she has a wonderful assistant and that she doesn't bite. Gang members, tomorrow please at seven, otherwise six forty-five on Wednesday. Goodbye."

Richard was waiting outside for Tammy, it was just gone six and it was snowing again but the roads were clear, for now at least. Fifteen minutes later they were back at the house and went straight to the dining room for dinner. Wine was on the table and Tammy allowed herself a small glass.

After dinner, sat by the fire in the sitting room, Richard reminded Tammy about the following day.

"Midday in Edinburgh, are you kidding?"

"No. Jeremiah Smith phoned me this afternoon and suggested it would be good if you were there, Elsie also expects to be there, representing the school."

Tammy decided that she needed to be fresh for the morning so excused herself and went to bed.