Done. At last, after hesitating for ages. Well, I have never been among the most audacious. Which actually makes me feel even prouder when I take a step into a new and unknown direction. But feeling lonely can be a strong motivation, believe me.
Well, I am not completely done yet. I am staring at the profile I just wrote on my freshly created BuddyBook.com account. Hesitating again to press OK.

Nice looking romantic t-girl, mid thirties looking for some fun and companionship. I feel 100% like a lady and would love to date a guy who treats me like one.

I wanted to keep the text rather simple and not overdone. But is it not too simple? I added my one favorite pass time: sailing. I even have a small boat of my own and love to pass a day, or even two, on the water if I have the time. How romantic would that be, making a tour with the three of us. A new friend a good bottle of wine and myself. Pick nick on the lake....
And what about my pictures, was the one with the very short mini, that I actually never dared to wear outdoors not a little bit too much of a good thing? I changed it, from profile photo to photo number three. The pic with me on the boat was actually much nicer for the profile. But then, you never know who will react, and... Oh Kathy, why do you always hesitate! One more look, a deep sigh.... ENTER.... Done!

Then for quite some time not very much happened. I checked the site regularly via my smart phone at work and in the evening on my computer at home. There were some visitors according to the counter, but for two days no messages of any kind. Not even a like on my miniskirt picture.
On day number three I was apparently discovered. Four messages within 6 hours.
Number one was desperately seeking for a t-girl slut where he could stick his dick into her ass. Number two wanted somebody to suck on his dick. I will spare you the details of the other two. Those who are in desperate need have my full sympathy, but it was not the more or less romantic thing that I had in mind. To be frankly, I had been warned this would happen. But I felt disappointed anyway.

That same evening I also had my first live meetings in the chat room. I had chosen Romantic Evening. Seemed the best and safest choice. It is interesting what kind of rooms there are. Fetish rooms, for leather and latex, for desperate house wives, cat and dog lovers, for pony girls. Well, if you have t-girls, why not pony girls? But it would also have been nice to have a t-girl room, which was not the case. There was on the other hand even a room for extraterrestrials! I also went there. Just out of curiosity, just imagine you can discover intelligent alien life at home sitting on your couch via the internet. Exciting! NASA could have saved a lot of money!
Sadly there was nobody there. Either because intelligent extraterrestrial life is not on the level of visiting our chat roams, or because they do not yet have a decent internet provider on Mars. At least it had an on line Klingon translator available, where the room France did not have any translator at all.
Well, as I already said I ended up in Romantic Evening. Some people said hello to me. I said hello to some people. We did some small talk. And only one made it to my ignore list that night. Five points in one day. Not bad. But what I was looking for I did not find. And then when it was about time to hit the hay, Angelo turned up.

- Good evening sailing lady. Was his opening sentence

- Good evening Angel. Was my response

- I hope I am not disturbing you so late at night?

- Not too much.

- No need to go to work early tomorrow?

- Well, yes I have to. But I can stay a little longer, why not?

And thus we started off. He was of Italian descend and a human resource manager at some major company. He had stumbled over my profile by accident and liked the pictures and the very basic presentation. It had made hum curious. We talked about being alone, about boats, about history, films, our favorite holiday destinations. It turned out that he knew the ones I like to visit also quite well.
Had I really found my soul mate here? We chatted on several evenings and he charmed me more and more. Nobody had ever before said that I have a beautiful soul. It was very romantic. A man who knows how to treat a woman with respect and not with macho contempt. Ah, and I almost forget to mention, he was good looking too!

- Honey, how would you feel about meeting in real life?

- I think that would be wonderful. What do you have in mind?

- The classic approach, I invite you for dinner on, say, Friday evening?

- With candles and the like...?

- Of course!

- Do you like Italian cuisine?

- I love it! OK, I am all yours, you may make a reservation for Friday If you want.

- I already did honey. I knew you would come.

Sure I would come, this invitation I would not have wanted to miss for the world! I felt happy. Really happy.

- The restaurant belongs to a friend of mine. It is just to the east of the city, right on the other side of the river. With a beautiful terrace overlooking it. Since the weather will be fine by the end of the week we might enjoy our diner and a splendid view.

Ah, Italians, many generations away from their country, but they will never loose their sense for romance.
Angelo gave me the address. It sounded vaguely familiar, but it was a region where I rarely went, so it did not mean very much to me.

- If you want I can also pick you up at home.

Despite all the positive feelings I had, so far I had not given him my address. Should I now? Perhaps it was wisest to wait till after this first meeting. Hesitating again. But on the other hand, better safe than sorry!

- Do not bother Angelo, I can manage perfectly well. I will take the bus as I do so often. And that also prevents discussions with police officers who think you should not drink wine and drive.
Perhaps you should follow my example honey?

- Hmm... I am more a car-man myself. I will see if I take the bus also. Perhaps...

OK, that is the male answer where you should wisely keep your mouth closed. I managed to do that. With some effort.

The week that followed was one of the slowest ever. Einstein is right, the flow of time is relative.
But there are some female distractions to help you over this that Einstein never mentioned.
I tried every outfit I have in my closet. And believe me, I have quite a nice collection. From a classic evening dress to cow girl. And I could not decide what to choose. Not because I am Kathy the non-decisive, it is simple a general female trait.
Eventually it was blue jeans and a white silk blouse, with my half long blond wig and sandals with a small heel. I looked nice and feminine and was not overdone. I painted my nails, shaved very well and did my make up. Some fifteen years of experience guaranteed a very nice result.
I had come home a little bit earlier than normal and I was completely ready to leave at about seven. Diner was at eight. The bus would take me about half an hour and from East to the restaurant would be a ten minute's walk more or less. So the timing was perfect!

A quick peep at the door. The gallery was free. Off to the elevator. Also free! Across the parking lot. Nobody! And out on the street was Kathy without arousing too much suspicion from her neighbors. I think some must have seen me anyway in the course of the years and no doubt there is some gossiping behind my back. But, trying to make it out unseen just ads to the excitement.

The bus was on time. I checked in and had a seat. At the shopping mall I changed from line 15 to line 17 that would bring me to Bus Station East.
It was indeed the beautiful mid September evening Angelo had predicted and I was already daydreaming about our perfect evening. You should not do that when you are crossing a busy street.
With squeaky brakes the bus tried to come to a halt. I turned my head to the left, I saw it coming in slow motion. I saw the fear in the driver's face. I was paralyzed like a bunny in front of the poachers lamp. It stopped. Just a few centimeters away from me. My heart was beating up my throat. I could not move for a few moments. I looked again up to the driver, who was even paler than a moment before and did not answer my look. Pfff......
Well Kathy, you should not do that too often if you want to make it to your appointments! I decide to walk on and just leave the matter there. After all it was my fault and I did not want a lengthy argument with the driver to ruin my evening.

I walked alongside the river, there was the bridge and a little bit further on the opposite side the restaurant. The agglomeration ended quite sharply at the river. The countryside was beautiful on the other side and looking at it made me somewhat forget my unpleasant experience.
Angelo was already there waiting for me. He stepped out of his car when he saw me arriving.

- Hello Kathy.

- Hi Angelo. By car after all?

He walked up to me, took my hand and kissed it. That is, kissed it almost, as it should be done.

- I told you, I am a car-man. It is in my genes, I cannot help it. Can you forgive me? He said with a smile.

- I will think it over, I answered with a smile.

We went inside.

- Come, I will introduce you to my friend Luigi. He owns the place.

We walked up to a tall man of about forty. Slightly bald, short black beard, friendly brown eyes.

- Luigi, let me present my friend Kathy to you.

Luigi greeted me in the same manner as Angelo had done outside and welcomed both of us heartily in his restaurant.
He did give Angelo a questioning glance, and then glanced quickly at me and back again. He got it that I was a t-girl? Angelo shook his head slightly and made with his hands a small gesture that meant as much as No!

- What did he want to know?

I asked when we were sitting at our table. As promised, on the terrace, with a very nice view over the river.

- Did he notice I am a t-girl?

- He knows you are, and do not worry about that, it is no problem here.

- But what then?

- Eh... how shall I say. He wanted to know if we are a couple. It is the first thing Italians ask you know. Do not be angry with him.

Sure I was not angry. Men! It is just the way they are.

- May I offer our new guest a little welcome on the house? Luigi asked me.

- Luigi is famous for his nachos honey. I recommend them it will be a very nice starter. But of course he has a great many other things to offer too. It is your evening!

- I love nachos Luigi, but so far I only had them Mexican style. It would be an honor to try the Italians tonight.

Luigi smiled and made a small bow.

- And what would you like to drink with it? May I suggest our Barolo?

- It is red wine?

- Yes senora, and one of the finest you can find.

I looked at Angelo. He nodded.

- OK Luigi, we will take the Barolo.

Our main dish was chicken balsamico for me and seafood pasta medley for Angelo. And tiramisu to end with.
I had eaten way too much and no doubt tomorrow I would reproach myself for it, but what the heck, this evening was wonderful. And I was convinced Angelo would also love my if I were a little bit too fat. At least I hoped.
We had a second bottle of Barola and enjoyed the sunset and our conversation. Angelo was drinking a little bit too much. But I kept my silence.

- You seem to feel better now.

- What do you mean?

- When you arrived you looked as pale as a ghost.

He had seen it!

- Yes, you know I was daydreaming about our dinner and got almost knocked down by a bus. I think I must have a very good guardian angel. It was really very very close.

I started to shiver again when I thought about it. He drew his chair close to mine, put his arms around me and held me. I felt fine and secure again. I closed my eyes and enjoyed.

- Angelo...

- Yes.

- I don't want to stay alone tonight. Can I...

- Yes.

When you are in a certain state of understanding matters are easily settled with hardly any words at all.

We walked toward the car, overlooking the river. It had grown dark by now. The city was brightly lit, the water reflected the light. The bridge was beautifully illuminated in different colors that changed at a regular interval. We just watched. Together.

- There used to be a ferry instead of a bridge long ago.

- Really? I did not know.

- Yes. It was operated by a grumpy old man who got weary of the job and had no successor. And also the number of people passing steadily increased, so they built a bridge in stead.

- That must have been a long time ago then?

He turned his face towards me and smiled.

- Not that long. I can still remember it very well when I was young.

We drove off to his place, which was practically around the corner. He had a nice house, standing in its own grounds, small garden in front, big one behind. With a big living room, a nice kitchen. Well basically everything. It was also furnished and decorated with style. I liked it.

We sat down in the living room on the couch. We embraced and kissed. And I fell backwards. Yes, I think it is the best way to describe it. I fell backwards. Into a pool of soft bliss and happiness. An overwhelming pool of soft bliss and happiness. And then there was nothing. I passed out.
The next morning I woke up in bed. Angelo's bed. I could hear him singing in the bathroom. The room was flooded with Summer morning sunshine. The door to the balcony was open. Birds were singing in the garden. I was dozing and enjoying.
My clothes were hanging over a chair next to the bed. I noticed I was wearing pyjamas.
Oh my God! He must have drugged me and done whit me whatever horrible things you do with people you drug! How could I ever have been so wrong with him! How could I have been so stupid to go with him the first evening! How...

It was then that I noticed what really had happened. I was sitting upright in bed. Staring at my breasts. It took me a moment to realize. And another to slowly move my hands downwards.... What had been there was no longer there. Or at least not in the form it formerly had...
I had become a women overnight!

Angelo saw my bewilderment and questioning looks as he entered. He smiled at me in such a friendly and reassuring way as can be. He opened a drawer and took an envelope out of it and sat down next to me on the bed.
It contained pictures. The big size e.g. the police use in crime scene investigation.

- Be strong but not afraid he said.

The pictures showed the Bus Station East. Some accident. Police, ambulance, lookers on. Somebody covered with a white sheet. And the front of the bus that almost knocked me down yesterday. Distorted, though not very much and smeared with blood. I stared at them. I could not make anything of it.

- That was actually what Luigi wanted to know yesterday honey. If you knew already yourself. And I did not want to spoil the evening so I did not tell you either.

- But... You mean... I am dead!?

- Do you feel like dead?

- No.

- Well, I would rather put it like this, you are on the other side.

I was perplex.

- And who are you then?

- I am the one who loves you. The one who always cared about you and still does. The one who was always with you to protect and guide you. The one who worked when you amused yourself. The one who was on guard when you slept. I am your guardian angel.

- When He decide your time had come I asked for a special favor. To guide you to this world myself. I tried to make it as pleasant as possible. The rest you know.

I thought things over for a moment. I was dead, but I was not. I had changed to female. I had spent the night at the house of my guardian angel after having eaten at a restaurant that likely belonged to another angel. I think I got it.

- But why am I a female now?

- You always wanted to be one if I am not mistaken?

- Yes, but even so. Why did you change me into one without even informing me?

- I did not. You did yourself.

- How do you mean that?

- It is your own desire, your own feelings and conviction that decided over your presentation in this world. You are what you want to be now. I did not do anything about that. I only knew that it would happen long since. What you saw in the one world you will harvest in the other.

It sounded logical enough. It was still confusing enough.

- Hold me.

He did it with such love and tenderness as only angels can, kissing and reassuring me.

- Can I stay with you? Do you still love me?

- I have been loving you with all the love an angel can give and always will. And nothing would make me happier than your free decision to stay with me.

The birds were still singing. The wind brought in the smell of fresh Summer green. The room was till flooded in this magical morning light. I had come home.

Though not the most active author, I am still with you.
The idea is loosely based upon the Belgian classic De Trein der traagheid (The train of Inertia) written by Johan Daisne in 1950.
I wonder too what will happen when we arrive to the other side. Is it so unlikely what I wrote...?
We will see!

I hope you enjoyed the story, and of course, every kudo is welcome just as any comment or personal mail.

Karin Beyaert