So to complete their new identities and family image,
one of Steve Wilson's two young boys had to become a girl!

by Arecee

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Chapter Fifteen
 
Christmas and New Year came and went. Shannon, Alexis and I were on a select soccer team and our season went from just before Christmas until March. After that came tournaments almost every weekend. With practice and games, I barely had time to think about baseball. I had to make a decision as to whether I was going to play again this year. I would have to give up one sport or the other.

I remembered how my production had fallen off last season and decided to remain on the soccer team. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, as Dad was one of the coaches on the baseball team. The three of us held a special bond as the season progressed and I would miss the time with Ted and my father. The only saving grace was that I was bonding with girls now as opposed to trying to be one of the boys.

My hormones were kicking in big time. I was finally developing the breasts I was so impatient for a year earlier. It was like the titty fairy was making up for lost time, as was the case with my girlfriends. We were becoming young women.

My growth had slowed to a crawl. I just reached five foot five and it had taken me at least six months to grow an inch. Maybe I would stop soon and just be a little taller than most of the other girls.

Big news, Anders kissed me. It wasn’t like a run off and smooch kind of kiss, but I found out later his friends all dared him to do it. Erik had kissed Alexis several times and Ander’s friends teased him until he said he would kiss me.

It happened at lunch on a Thursday. We were all sitting at a table in the cafeteria, Shannon, Alexis, Erik, Ted, and Anders. The conversation was the same as it had been every day we were in school; gossip. We had just finished eating and I knew something was up because one of the boy’s tables was watching us like a hawk. Every time Anders looked toward the other boys they would motion to him like get on with it. He would blush every time they did. Did I mention Anders is painfully shy?

“What are they doing?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

Right! Nothing was the standard answer boys gave when they had something planned so I went on my guard but it’s not like it did any good. The next thing I knew Anders had his lips plastered against mine. I jumped back not knowing what I should do, slap him or laugh. My face turned red with embarrassment before the giggles came. Anders turned as red as me before looking at his friends who gave him a thumbs up.

“What are you doing?” I asked breathlessly.

He couldn’t answer me. How was he going to tell me the reason for our first kiss was a dare? The thing that surprised me more than anything was that the kiss did nothing for me. We could have shaken hands and had the same effect.

“Anders, what are you doing?” Shannon screeched, at the same time I asked the same question.

His fair skin turned the darkest red I had ever seen when a person blushed.

“Uhh, uhh,” he stammered before continuing, “Roger and Lane said I wouldn’t do it.”

Now I was insulted.

“You mean you kissed me because those boys said you wouldn’t?”

“Umm, kind of.”

I felt my face turning the same color as Anders, but with rage.

“How dare you?” I screamed. “I don’t ever want to see you again,” I said and rushed to the girl’s room with Shannon in tow. I don’t know what Alexis said to Anders’ brother but she soon joined us with a scowl on her face.

“Can you believe Anders would do such a thing?” I asked.

“Maybe Roger, but not Anders. I thought he would be too shy to try something like that,” Shannon exclaimed.

“I asked Erik what that was all about and he said he’s trying to impress those other boys,” Alexis said.

“Well he could have done something else than what he did, ewww,” I groused.

“Didn’t you like it a little bit, I mean being kissed?” Shannon asked.

“Are you serious? It felt like his lips were all wet and I know he had some of his lunch still in his mouth.”

“Ewww,” both girls answered in unison.

“If he wanted to kiss me all he had to do was ask, but not in front of the whole class.”

“What are you going to do?” Alexis asked.

“Just ignore him. He’ll see that trying to be a big man was a mistake.”

We returned to the lunchroom and our table. Anders had made his way to the table with Roger and his group. They were still congratulating him on his show of masculinity. He looked at me with a sheepish smile on his mouth and I glared back letting him know that he had made a very serious mistake with me. Alexis sat next to Erik and they whispered for a bit before he left to see his brother. After Erik said something to Anders, he got a sick look on his face. I knew what was being said and Anders realized what a fool he had been. So much for my first kiss.

Winter soccer season ended with us in first place and we won almost every tournament we entered. The one loss was during a tourney in Gilroy. Samantha, one of our defenders came down with the flu and had to miss the trip. Carla, one of the new girls on the team, filled in for her. Carla tried her best but wasn’t as fast as Samantha and a team from Monterey was able to score three goals against two for us. It was our first loss of the year. Carla felt really bad for letting us down but we told her it was okay and that we would beat them next time. We also explained to her that it was the team’s fault and not hers. She felt better after that.

The play was West Side Story, which is a very difficult play for middle school. Grades seven and eight were allowed to audition. As expected the best parts went to the eighth graders. One surprise was that Melinda landed the part of Anita. After the terrible incident with Ted, I thought she wouldn’t even try out, but she did and surprised everyone with her singing ability. As practice progressed, you could see her growing out of her shell. I’m so happy for her. All of us girls landed parts, me as a Shark and Shannon as a Jet. We only had dancing parts but being in the play was just about the most fun thing I did. I almost forgot, Ted was also a Shark. I guess it’s because of our dark complexion.

It was decided the team was going take a break after the last tournament. We had been playing non-stop since August of the previous year. There were school activities coming soon like the annual school play. Several girls on the team wanted to try out for some of the parts, me included, so we put our cleats away for a while.

Since I wasn’t playing ball with Ted I joined the softball team in Sutter Creek. The team was composed of girls from the surrounding area that were under fourteen years old. I was two months from my thirteenth birthday, so I decided to try out for the team.

Tryouts were the second Saturday in March at Amador High School. I was the only twelve-year-old student there. I recognized Jennifer Barnes and Kathy Rundle from school but I rarely spoke to them as they were in the eighth grade and I was in the seventh. I was taller than half the team and my skills from baseball paid off big time. I wasn’t used to playing with a larger ball, which made fielding a bit more difficult, but it helped when I had to bat. I might have not kept up with the boys but I certainly shone with the girls. I was able to hit two home runs and made contact with almost everything pitched at me. Needless to say, I made the team with practice starting on the next Tuesday. Our games would run from April until June and would be played half at home and the rest on the road. The league consisted of teams from Sonora, Lodi, Elk Grove, two from Stockton, Oakdale and Placerville. We would play each team twice, once at home and once on the road. There would be twelve girls on the team if we could find that many. Unfortunately only eleven girls tried out so everyone made the team.

Our team was called the Lady Miners obviously from all the mining that went on in our area. Our team had traditionally been one of the weaker teams in the league, but coach seemed to like the team we had put together. Our practices were twice a week, Tuesday and Thursday and we were coming together as a team. I played shortstop because of my speed and ball handling abilities.

Our first game was with Sonora, another weak team. I was glad to start with a team we would be pretty much even with, if the previous years were any indicator. I was wrong about us. We won the game in a blow-out, twelve runs to one for them and that one was scored on the only error our team made. I had three hits and two walks. The coach had me hitting clean up because I was the strongest player on the team even though I was the youngest.

The season progressed and we started to make waves. Winning games from the weaker teams didn’t cause a stir, but when we beat a team from Stockton the word was out. Sutter Creek was a team to worry about, but until we beat another strong team we were still an anomaly.

Lodi was our next game. Lodi’s team was expected to win the league as they had three of the last five years. We won, three to two and the word was out. Sutter Creek was strong and it was no fluke.

We became very close as a team and Jennifer and Cathy even asked me to join them at lunch. I agreed but only if Shannon and Alexis could join to. They agreed and that’s how we started eating with the eighth graders. The older girls were fun and a bit raucous, the three of us younger girls certainly had our ears full especially with regard to boys. What a difference a year makes as we learned who already lost their virginity, three girls, and who was a tease. My ears turned red more than once.

Ted and I turned thirteen during April. We were teenagers, yay. Ted was growing like a weed. He was five one and showed no signs of slowing down. He was the strongest player on his baseball team and I was very proud of him. I thought of the wonderful time we had shared playing ball and I missed being on the same team as my brother.

Ted has been treating me much better than before our last visit to Stanford. I guess the session with the doctor helped him come to terms with me. I knew he had changed because when Anders kissed me I thought Ted would beat the you-know-what out of him. The only reason he didn’t was that his friends told him he would be suspended if he got into a fight, but he let Anders know if he ever did that to me again he was dead meat.

I’m not going to dwell on the softball season except to say we won the league and I won the most valuable player award from the league. My teammates were beside themselves as the awards were handed out. Each girl received a trophy and I got two, one for our team winning the league and the other for best player. The season ended a week before I had to return to Stanford.

Stanford was an easy visit this time. All that was done was a new implant and the usual measurement of my body.

I spent an hour with Dr. Montgomery and she was pleased that I was becoming more at ease with myself. I had truly become a young woman and she reminded me that next year at this time the final operation was to take place and to think very seriously about it because once it was done there would be no turning back. As they say, the sale is final. I giggled at that, as I had no doubt as to what I wanted done.
 
 
 
Chapter Sixteen
 
Summer vacation was the best ever this year. Softball and baseball seasons were finished so Ted and I had the summer off until August when soccer and select baseball began which meant we could spend as much time with our friends as we wanted as long as our chores were finished at home. Shannon and I spent a lot of time swimming while Ted spent his time with his friends. Thank God he no longer associated with Donovan and his creepy friends.

Spending time at the pool had become a different experience for me. As I mentioned, my body was finally filling out. There was no longer any doubt that I had a figure even though it was an athletic one. My bust measured thirty- three, my waist twenty-four and my hips thirty-two. I was ready to graduate to a B cup bra in another month. I only wore a one-piece bathing suit because of my boy parts, but I still seemed to garner more than my share of attention from boys.

“Shannon, did you see that boy looking at me?” I asked when one boy so obviously stared at me that I felt as though I was being undressed.

“How could I miss it? What a pig!”

“Why do they stare like that?”

Being girls who were just going into the eighth grade and, to be perfectly honest, very self conscious about our developing bodies, our new gained attention from boys was more than a little disconcerting. As a young woman, I was still learning the fine art of being female and even though my journey started five years ago, I was still learning. Much to my surprise so was Shannon; only she was learning how to cope with the new attention she and I were on the receiving end of boys entering puberty.

Boys our age were still at the between stage where they would just as soon play with toys as look at a girl. The boys paying attention to us were well into their puberty, boys in high school. If I didn’t admit to being flattered by the attention from these boys, I’d be lying. What they did with their actions was to confirm what everyone had told me since I reluctantly became a girl to help our family hide from the Russian Mafia. The biggest surprise was discovering that I like being a girl even more than the boy I had left behind. Boys had been the farthest thing from my mind, but as my puberty took hold, my feelings changed. I no longer viewed boys as being some dirty bit of humanity put on earth to make my life miserable, but as funny and cute. What a difference a year makes.

Needless to say, my mother didn’t overlook my sudden interest in boys. Much to my concern she wanted to have a conversation about it. I was in my room selecting what I would wear after our trip to the pool. Mom called to me from the kitchen.

“Cindy, may I have a word with you?”

Ah, the magic phrase, may I have a word.

“Yes Mom, I’ll be right there.”

I walked to the kitchen wearing just my bathing suit and a pair of flip-flops. My mother looked at me with an appraising eye and a look of concern.

“Honey, you look very nice,” she said, trepidation oozing from her mouth.

“Thanks Mom, but you didn’t have to call me in here to tell me that.”

“I know sweetheart and that’s not why I called you. I’ve noticed your recent interest in boys when you go to the pool and I’m a bit concerned. You’re a young woman with no experience whatsoever with boys and I’m afraid you’re going to get hurt.”

”But I’m not doing anything, Mom.”

My mother rolled her eyes at that.

“I’m not saying you are, Cindy. What I’m saying is that you’re a very pretty girl and when I’ve driven past the pool, I’ve seen more than a few boys talking to you and Shannon. If I’m not wrong you two weren’t trying to chase them away either.”

“We were just talking.”

“Talking to you is flirting to them and I could see they were several years older than you.”

“They’re in high school.”

“That’s what I thought. Cindy, boys that age have a lot more experience with girls than you have with boys. It would be very easy for you to get carried away trying to impress an older boy, but if you did, you could really be hurt.”

“Why, we’re just having a little fun?”

“Because you’re still a boy and no one around here knows you are. Depending on the decision you make this year, next year won’t be a problem. You will either become a woman or you can become Marcus again.”

“I don’t want to be Marcus again, this is who I am. I love being a girl Mom and I wish I could have the operation today.”

“I’m sure you feel that way now, but you still can change your mind.”

“I won’t change my mind. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”

“You feel that way now, but something might happen to change your mind, a boy or girl, some incident at school, even wanting to play baseball again. Next year will be the most important in your life.”

“I know Mom and I’m sure I won’t change my mind. I’m Cindy now. If you had asked me the same question four years ago, I’m sure I would have loved to become Marcus again, but now with my friends and the way I’m becoming a woman, there’s no way I’d want to go back.”

Mom smiled before she said, “That doesn’t change the fact that you’re attracting boys and all I’m asking is that you be careful, and I would have been having this same conversation if you had been born a girl.”

“Yes, Mom.”

After the conversation I became much more wary during the time I spent at the pool. I had to share my mother’s talk with Shannon, not mentioning my real sex to her.

“My mother talked to me about watching out for the boys when we swim,” I said.

“Oh God, not the ‘you’re too young and they’re older and more experienced and you don’t know what you’re doing’ talk?” she asked, giggling lightly.

“How did you know?”

“I got the same talk the first week we went to the pool. Sometimes parents are so stupid. Things are different for us and I’m sure boys were different when they were our age. God my mother’s thirty-three already.”

“I know, I don’t think my mother has a clue what high school boys are like. Oh well, I guess we just have to be careful.”

As our time at the pool continued, Shannon and I fell predictably under the spell of boys, hormones, and feeling popular. I could hardly believe the ease that a boy could gain enough trust to steal a kiss from us. These kisses certainly felt different than the rushed mashing of lips Anders had succumbed to, to prove a point to his friends. The most disturbing thing about the kisses was the feelings of turmoil they cause inside of me. There were little things too that did things I didn’t know were possible; an inadvertent brushing against my breast or a breath of air against my ear, tiny things that made my blood boil. As the summer progressed, I finally knew what my mother had said to me, be careful because you have no idea of what you’re getting yourself into.

Luckily, the only place Shannon and I had interaction with boys was at the pool. I’m sure if we had been somewhere more private much more than kisses and an occasional wandering hand would have taken place. As it was, just the interaction with the boys brought us to a place I wouldn’t have even thought of; shaving. Yep, Shannon and I took the big plunge and started shaving our underarms and legs. We knew it would happen at some point in our lives, but more than anything it was to impress the boys. What bigger draw than pretty legs on girls who were still inadequate in the chest department? Oh we had breasts, but not the ones that drew attention like the fourteen and fifteen year old girls had. We used what we had and it was enough to draw attention. Our mothers said we were too young to wear makeup, like that was going to stop us. Somehow Shannon was able to buy some mascara and I bought a soft pencil to line our eyes and draw our eyebrows a little for definition. We weren’t good, but it seemed to work on the boys. I’m not saying we were boy crazy, but I guess we were, but as I said, all we did was hang out at the pool and if we attracted boys, then so much the better. My mother finally asked the inevitable question, after a day at the pool.

“Have you been wearing makeup?” she asked, realizing that Shannon and I had botched the removal of same.

My face turned red as I tried to form a lie as to why my eye lashes would be darker than normal.

“Oh, we ran into a girl from our class whose mother allows her to wear makeup and she wanted to see what we looked like with a little mascara. I didn’t think you would mind?” I answered softly.

“Cindy, I said no makeup. You’re too young and too pretty and all you’ll do is draw boys who have nothing good in their mind when it comes to young girls. Maybe when you start school I’ll allow a little lip gloss and a touch of mascara, but until then I want you to behave.”

“Yes Mother.”

Our pool activities lasted for a little over a month but ended when soccer season started. August first is the first day practice is allowed in AYSO soccer and when that day came Shannon’s father started practice. His love was soccer as he had played in college and was on scholarship so after he graduated he continued to play. He still played in an adult league while coaching us. Needless to say, when we didn’t have team practice, Shannon and I had drills in her backyard to improve our skills. She and I were the two best players in the league while Alexis was almost at our skill level. Luckily we only had enough players to make one team or Shannon and I would have been on separate teams. As the years progressed, more and more girls dropped out of sports and found other interests. Liz, one of our best defenders, quit because she became interested in dancing ballet as did several other girls on other teams. Some just decided they were playing to please their parents and said no, they wouldn’t play anymore. The thing I liked best about our team was that all the girls wanted to be on it and play soccer.

Our season went as expected and we won the league. The teams were from all over, with three being from Stockton, two from Lodi and the rest from various towns in the area. Our hardest competition was from Stockton and we won by one goal.

Shannon and I found our grades were very good. Alexis started helping us with our weakest subjects and it helped. Alexis is the brains of our group and maintained a straight A average. Shannon and I would get an occasional B. My brother though was a disappointment as far as school was concerned. I think his mind was somewhere else as he had more than his share of C’s. Shannon was still the soccer player and I was the all-around athlete and because of that, I tried out again for a girl’s basketball team at the local Catholic Church.

I had shot baskets with the boys in the neighborhood as had Shannon. I wasn’t very good, but we didn’t really do it very often. Luckily, when I tried out for the team they didn’t care what my skill level was but accepted me with open arms. Apparently not many girls were playing basketball in our area and I would have made the team if I could barely walk. The team ended up with seven girls so if one or two didn’t show up we had no substitutes. I won’t bore you with a running description of the games, but I ended up as a defender because of my speed and my poor shooting ability. The best part of being on the team was that I made new friends from Sutter Creek as four girls were from there. Christy, Rachel, Sherri, and Monica had been friends since they started school in kindergarten and naturally ended up on the same team together. I was welcomed as if I had been their friend for my whole life. The tallest girl on the team was Monica, being five foot-seven and I was next at five-five. As with girls at my school, the conversation started with basketball and ended up with boys.

“Did you see that boy watching from the visitor’s side of the court?” Christy asked.

Christy was the pretty one of the group, having long blonde hair, big blue eyes and a figure to die for. She drew attention wherever we went.

“You mean the one with dark hair and the black T shirt?” Sherri responded.

“Yes, he’s the one. God he was so cute, I could hardly concentrate on the game,” Christy giggled.

“He couldn’t stop staring at Cindy,” Monica said.

“Me, you’re not serious?” I blushed.

“Serious,” Monica answered in a clipped tone.

“Why me?”

“Because you’re the prettiest girl on the team.”

“Christy is,” I said.

“Are you serious? Every game we go to, all the boys watch you, even if you aren’t on the court. You might not know it Cindy, but you’re seriously good looking.”

“Thanks,” I said not knowing what else to say.

“Speaking of good looking, could you introduce me to your brother someday?” Christy giggled.

“My brother, eww, you can’t be serious?”

“He’s as cute as you are pretty. I’m sure you’ve noticed?”

“How would I notice, he’s my brother. I barely talk to him.”

“I don’t mind if you talk to him as long as he would want to talk to me?”

“I’ll ask him, but eww,” I said, as we all giggled.

The basketball season started in November as soon as soccer ended. I had to miss one game because of my implant replacement. My appointment was always two weeks before Christmas and was the FBI’s gift to me; thank you FBI.

As usual I was measured and had my blood sucked from my body and then the implant was placed in my arm.

I had grown a little, a very little but I was now five foot-five and one quarter. I was definitely slowing in the height department. My biggest surprise was that I was now officially a B size cup and my hips had grown an inch. Remarkably, my waist had shrunk a half of an inch. I guess all the sports had paid off.

I went to see Dr. Montgomery for the last time before my surgery. She had asked me to think about what was going to happen in June, but what with summer and my sports I really hadn’t give the operation much thought.

“Good morning Cindy, my, don’t you look pretty,” she said.

“Thank you.”

“I just realized this will be our last meeting until after your surgery in June. Have there been any issues you would like to talk about?”

“No, not really.”

“The last time you were here you mentioned that you had a boyfriend?”

“I don’t anymore.”

“And why’s that?”

“He kissed me.”

“He kissed you? I would think that would be something to be happy about?”

“He only did it to show off to his friends. I didn’t like that, so I told him I didn’t want to be his girlfriend anymore.”

“I see. What about other boys, are you attracted to them?”

I couldn’t help blushing as I answered, “Yes, kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“Well Shannon and I spent lots of time at the pool this summer and a lot of older boys paid attention to us and even kissed us.”

“How did you feel about that?”

“I liked it a lot.”

“Was it different than your old boyfriend’s kiss?”

“Very different. I was shaking after one boy’s kiss.”

“I see.”

“How are you and your brother getting on?”

“We’re fine. We still have our moments, but so do every other sister and brother I know.”

“Has he finally accepted who you’ve become?”

“I think so. He doesn’t say hurtful things anymore.”

“I’m glad. Now, have you given anymore thought to your operation?”

“No.”

“And why’s that?”

“I don’t know.”

“It could be that you’re avoiding what you’re going to do in June.”

“I don’t think it’s that. I’ve just been so busy that I haven’t had a chance to think about it.”

“Well we might as well discuss it now so you will have a chance to think more about it between now and next June. Are you even aware of what’s going to take place?”

“Of course I know, I’m going to become a real girl.”

“Cindy, there’s more to it than that. Yes you’ll become a girl, but has anyone taken the time to explain what will be done?”

“Not really.”

“I didn’t think so. Looking at you I can see your body is ready to become a woman, but I wonder if you’re mentally ready for such a journey. Let me ask you a very important question, do you want to have children?”

Have children? I’m a child myself, why would I even think of having children?

“I don’t know, I haven’t even thought about it.”

“Cindy you do realize you’ll never be able to have children of your own unless you adopt. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure you could even father a child now after the hormone treatments you’ve had administered to you. We could stop your hormone treatments now and let you return to being the boy you once were, well almost. You would have to have surgery to remove your breasts and you probably won’t grow as tall as your brother, but you could be a boy again, the Marcus you left behind when this decision was made for you.”

“I made the decision to become Cindy, no one made me do this,” I exclaimed, raising my hands up and down my body as reference.

I had loved talking to Dr. Montgomery when I came here, but now I was seeing a whole different person as our conversation continued.

“Are you certain no one tried to influence you, your mother of father, just a little?”

“No, I volunteered to become the girl. I’m sure Ted would have done the same, it’s just that he could never make a decision, and we’d still be boys if I didn’t say something first.”

“Why did you say you would do it before he did?”

Why did I volunteer first? At the time, Grady could have just as well said something before I did. It wasn’t as though I said something a half of a second after the idea was put forth. I remember a long pause before I said anything. Why, I wondered, and why did I love becoming a girl? There had to be something else I was missing, and why had I embraced this whole lie with open arms?

“I don’t know, it just seemed the right thing to do.”

“The right thing to do at the time is one thing, but becoming a girl is something else again. Why didn’t you become a boy again after you moved to Jackson? You could have very easily changed your clothes, cut your hair and be done with it, but you didn’t, why?”

“Because I had become Cindy and I loved who I was. Is that so wrong?”

“No honey, that’s not wrong, but you could have become a man like your brother is going to do. Won’t you miss that?”

“No. It would be like asking Ted if he missed growing breasts and flirting with boys. This is all I’ve ever known. I barely remember being Marcus. I know I was that boy once, but he’s only a memory and one I don’t want to become again.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I’m a girl. I think I have always been one but just didn’t realize it. Even though Ted and I are twins I just know we are different enough to be brother and sister.”

“You’re identical twins, you know, from the same embryo.”

“They explained that in school but I know for sure Ted and I aren’t the same. It’s just small things, we have different eye shape, not ones anyone would notice, but I do. I remember seeing picture of a face split and then the left and right side were put together. The faces looked like two different people. I think it’s the same with Ted and me, we might be identical, but we aren’t, if that makes any sense.”

“I suppose it does.”

“My mom and I were talking a while back and she wondered why I had taken so easily to becoming a girl and mentioned that I might have had some girl genes none of us knew about and told me a story. When we were living in New Jersey, we went to visit my Uncle and his wife, they had two daughters, one three like Grady and me, and the other four. Mom said she and my aunt thought it would be a real cute joke if the boys were dressed as girls and the girls as boys. They would take a picture and then change us back again. The fathers grumbled a bit but since the boys would be girls and the girls boys, they relented. We were all about the same size so the girls just put on our clothes, but our mothers had a different idea about what we should wear. My cousins had been wearing jeans and girl’s T’s but weren’t overly feminine. They decided Grady and I should wear their Easter Sunday dresses instead. Their reasoning was why do this if they couldn’t do it the right way. Mom dressed me and then went to dress Grady. All Hell broke loose as she tried to put my cousin’s clothes on him. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him? I liked the way the clothes felt and I loved feeling like a girl, if just for a moment. ‘Grady, it’s fun’, I remember saying and that calmed him down but just enough for him to dress. The pictures were taken and we changed back into our clothes again. The thing I remembered most was the sorrow I felt when I had to remove the dress. I can still remember the swishing sound of the petticoats when I moved and sat. Seeing my legs covered with white tights and white Mary Janes on my feet seemed so right at the time, but being three years old the memories left me pretty quickly. Even when I became Cindy, I felt guilty liking the girl I was portraying. It wasn’t right for a boy to enjoy being a girl, least of all when all I had to do was look at my twin brother to see what kind of boy I was supposed to be.”

I had rambled on for what seemed like ages and the emotional memories brought tears to my eyes. Dr. Montgomery handed me a box of tissues to repair my face.

“You felt guilty even after you were asked to pretend to be a girl?” Dr. Montgomery asked, when I had composed myself enough to continue.

“I think I did, in fact I know I did. I volunteered to be the girl and when I discovered I liked being the girl, I felt guilty. I was a boy and I shouldn’t have liked dressing up like this, but I did. When we moved to Jackson there was no way for me to back out of what I was doing unless we moved to a different town. I met Shannon and everything I was doing just felt right. There was no guilt except for not being able to tell my best friend I really wasn’t a girl, but even that changed, as I became the person I was portraying. Cindy had become a real person and Marcus became a memory much like the girl in the dress five years before. Dr. Montgomery, I love who I am and even though I can’t give birth to children, I’m still a girl through and through.”

“Yes, I imagine you are,” she said, a wistful smile on her lips.

“Are we finished?” I asked as the pause lasted longer than it should.

“Maybe just a few more questions, Cindy. How did you feel when you were thrust into femininity after you moved to Jackson? I’m sure it must have been a shock to your mind?”

“Not really. Shannon and I bonded from the minute we met and I still had baseball.”

“Baseball?”

“Yes, baseball. When we were living back east, Ted and I played baseball whenever we could. We even played in the back yard and broke more than one window. I still played when we moved, in fact I was a better player that Ted, but don’t tell him I told you so. I played until last year and only quit because I was the only girl on the team and I noticed I wasn’t gaining strength like the boys were. I mentioned it to my other doctor and she said it was my hormones and that girls didn’t have the strength of boys. I decided to play softball instead on a girl’s team and I’ve met new friends because of it. I play more sports now than Ted does. I’m on a select soccer team and played basketball for the first time just this year. I had to miss a game to be here.”

“So you like sports? Do you think it helped you to become a girl?”

“I think it did. I found girls could play sports as well as boys. It’s just when they got older there were problems. Playing baseball let me keep a part of Marcus in my life but that part became less important as I grew older. I think it was when I began taking hormones that holding on to Marcus was no longer important to me. I became much more aware of Cindy and who I wanted to be when I grew older.”

“And what would that be?”

“It may seem silly, but I think I would like to be an FBI agent and help people like they helped me.”

“It’s not silly and I think you would be a very good agent if you carry through with that dream. You might change your mind by the time you graduate from college, but that’s a long way away. From what you’ve told me this afternoon I have no concerns as to whether or not you want to become a woman, Cindy. If you don’t change your mind between now and June, I’ll recommend the surgery for you. You’re going to be a lovely woman and it’s been a pleasure talking to you these last few years. I’m looking forward to seeing you in June.”

With that Dr. Montgomery stood and left the room. I think she had a tear in her eye, but I can’t be sure.

We played two more basketball games before Christmas and then started up again after the New Year. I was still one of the benchwarmers but my shooting had improved since I started on the team. Being the second tallest girl, I was able to play for about a quarter of the game, knowing if my shooting improved my time on the court would too. Shannon and I spent hours at the school while I practiced my ball handling skills and shooting eye. I reminded Shannon I did the same when I practiced soccer with her when she occasionally whined about being a ball girl for me. I talked her into shooting too with the hope she would join the team with me.

“I’m too short,” she would lament, returning the ball to me.

“But it’s fun. I’m almost the tallest girl on the team and I don’t play that much. You should try out next year.”

“This is the last year for girls our age. There’s no way I’d qualify for the girls team in high school.”

“You could try?”

“No I couldn’t. Basketball is the same time as soccer and there’s no way I’m going to miss being on the soccer team.”

“I didn’t know that. I guess this will be my only chance to play basketball then. There’s no way I’m going to pass on playing soccer with my best friend in the whole world,” I laughed.

“You’re a bitch,” she giggled.

I finished the season and played in one whole game as two girls were home with the flu. I even made two baskets but blocked three shots. I was pretty full of myself until I learned the team we beat was the weakest in the league. Oh well, so much for my WNBA contract.

Softball began right after basketball ended. We hadn’t played soccer since November so our coach decided to put together a select team to play the spring tournaments. I now had conflict in my life. I loved playing softball and I had grown to love soccer and playing on a team with my best friend. I needed someone to talk to.

“Mom, I have a problem?”

“What’s that sweetheart, too many boyfriends?” she laughed.

“Mom, I’m being serious. I can’t decide whether I should play softball or soccer this year? What do you think?”

“Which one would you rather play?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you.”

“I can’t tell you which one to choose, which would you rather play? You love baseball and softball is as close to baseball as it gets. Your best friend is on the soccer team and I’ve seen how well you play soccer. I think Shannon is the only player who’s better that you. You’ve gained new friends playing softball but you also have friends that are much closer on the soccer team. I know Shannon is your best friend but Alexis is also very close to you. Your softball friends are new friends but your soccer friends have been your friends since we moved here. I don’t think it’s a matter of which game to play, but more of which friends are more important to you.”

“I see what you’re saying. I love Shannon more than words can say and I wouldn’t feel right abandoning her and Alexis and the rest of the girls to play softball. I know the girls on the softball team will be upset, but I can’t let Shannon down. Thanks Mom.”

I wouldn’t play softball again until I entered high school.

Shannon’s dad was a taskmaster with the new team. All the girls were out of shape, even me. Basketball wasn’t soccer and our sore muscles let us know we had a lot of work to do. We would be playing in our first tournament in four weeks.

The first tournament was a blast. It was held in Sacramento, so we stayed overnight. Needless to say, fifteen girls in a hotel room at the same time was more than the other guests could bear. The manager shut us down at nine-thirty so we split forces and had a slumber party in two rooms. We had lost one of our games already from lack of playtime during the year and we knew the team we would play Sunday was the strongest in our flight hence we decided to make this a fun weekend instead of worrying about the games. Our decision cost us the game big time. We lost five to two with Shannon and I each scoring one goal.

Shannon’s father wasn’t pleased at our performance. Luckily he waited until our first practice to let us know just how disappointed he was with us.

“Girls, you really sucked last weekend. You weren’t passing the ball like you did last year and I could hardly believe what I was watching as the game continued. You’ve been working out for four weeks but you look as though all you did was sit and watch television. I tried to take it easy on you, but look what it got us, embarrassment. I won’t let this happen again so no more mister nice guy. Girls by next week I expect to see an improvement, now get off your butts and let me see you run, sixteen laps, now go,” Coach yelled.

All fifteen of us took off running. Our usual number of laps was ten, which pretty much wore us out, but now we had six more to do. I wondered how well I would do? I was the second best runner on the team behind Alexis and even I was winded after seven laps. We pushed on and finally completed the exercise with most of us almost falling across the finish line.

“Drink some water, but don’t overdo it or you’ll get sick,” Coach said.

Pamela, one of the defenders didn’t listen to what coach had said and was soon throwing up her lunch, yuk.

Next came ball-handling skills. We thought we were pretty good but coach threw in some twists that made most of us look silly, even Shannon. The next exercise was passing with accuracy. We all knew how to pass, but our layoff had made us lazy, which showed during our games. More than once we lost a breakaway because of a poorly placed ball. By the time practice ended our skills had improved dramatically.

Coach also added two more days of practice. Every other day would be for conditioning and the other two for skills. He was right; we were in the best shape we had ever been in.

Our next tournament was in Lodi so we didn’t stay overnight Even though the drive was an hour long we didn’t want a repeat of our party time during our games. We won, barely beating the other team in the finals two to one. Shannon made both goals with assists from me.

Our next big tournament was in Davis. Davis is the biggest tournament of the year and we felt we were ready for the challenge. The level of play in this tournament is like playing the final game of each regular tournament we had entered. Our conditioning had paid off as we won our first game by three goals. The next was much more difficult and we squeezed out a one to nothing victory. Sunday we had to win our first game by two or more goals to be in the final. We did, winning by three.

The final was against the team that had made us look so bad in the third game of our first tournament. Our team couldn’t help but notice the smug looks on the opposing girls’ faces. The game was one of those grinding marathons where no one scored. Regulation ended with the score tied at zero. An additional fifteen minutes was added to the end of the game and we scored a goal at the eleven-minute mark. We normally use two forwards, four mid-fielders and four defenders. Coach moved Alexis to the middle, which threw their defenders off. Shannon was playing right wing, I was on the left and Alexis was in the middle. Shannon crossed the ball to me, which drew the defender from the middle. I dribbled the ball toward the goal and at the last second passed the ball to Alexis who tapped it past the keeper into the net.

You would have thought we won the World Cup from the celebration our team engaged in. The referee almost carded Coach for having too many players on the field. The game ended with us in the lead. Our team had become a force that continued through the summer into the fall.
 
 
 
Chapter Seventeen
 
School was no big thing and I didn’t have a boyfriend after what had happened with Anders. Lots of boys asked me to go steady but I thought doing that would be really stupid since they couldn’t take me on a date, so why bother? I think the biggest thing to happen was graduation from middle school. It was a scaled down version of what a high school graduation should be. We had cap and gowns and walked into the auditorium and were seated in front of the stage. The principal and someone from the district offices made a speech, Alexis was given her award for best student, we were handed our diplomas and our school year was over.

Mom and Dad had a party for us and I was able to invite five friends, as was Ted. When I say five friends that included parents of those same friends. Dad grilled burgers and hot dogs and to be honest the party was a wonderful time, as none of the kids could get too crazy with their parents there.

The following week I made my final trip to Stanford. It was time for me to become a girl for keeps. I had thought about what was to be done to me and I couldn’t think of anything to change my mind. I guess Ted and I weren’t as identical as I thought because I think I may have wanted to be a girl for as long as I could remember but even those thoughts might have been wrong and just been wishful thinking because I had been living as a girl for so long. Six years doesn’t sound like much, but it was almost half of my life. If you consider that I have no memories of my first three years then those six are more than half my life. I can’t say for sure if my disguise had changed me or if I’ve always been a girl? The only thing I’m sure of is my desire to finish this journey.

My first visit was to Dr. Montgomery’s office.

“So, Cindy, tomorrow’s the big day?” she said.

“Yes, I can hardly wait?”

“No doubts as to whether you want to go through with it?”

“None. I’m a girl Dr., there’s no doubt in my mind at all and I need is to have my body match my brain.”

“I thought you would say this to me,” she said. “I knew after our last session you wouldn’t change your mind, so I won’t waste your time. I’ve already drafted a letter of approval for your surgery and I’ll send it to your primary doctor here at Stanford. You might as well have your parents take you to the surgery center and check in. Tomorrow will be a long day for you and good luck Miss Crane.”

Dr. Montgomery smiled as I stood and let myself out of the room. Mom and Dad were waiting to bring me to the surgery center which was located about a half of a mile from where we were.

Dad registered me at the check-in and left Mom and me to find our way to the third floor surgical center. Much like the first time I was here at Stanford Hospital, I was given a room and asked to remove my clothes and put on the dreaded gown so my tests would be easier to do. I was poked and prodded, measured from my head to my feet, jabbed with needles to draw blood and had an IV needle stuck in the back of my hand.

I learned that I had gained an inch on my hips and chest and lost another half of an inch on my waistline. The nurses teased me, saying if I wasn’t careful I’d have boys lining up around the block. I just rolled my eyes. I almost forgot, I grew another half of an inch and am now five foot five and three quarters. I think five six is plenty tall for a girl and I hope I don’t grow much taller.

After all was said and done, they put me in my bed and hooked a bag of solution to my IV. It had antibiotics to get rid of any bacteria I might have swimming in my system the nurse said. Time had passed quickly and it was already six PM. My high-end meal was served, mmm, mmm. Well done beef with a dark liquid they claimed to be gravy, mashed potatoes directly from the box, just add water and grey string beans right from the can. Dessert you ask, green Jell-O and apple juice to wash it down. I wasn’t hungry when I finished. My nurse said I wasn’t to eat anything else until after my surgery and no liquids after midnight. The only nice thing was having Mom and Dad staying with me. Because of my age, they were allowed to sleep in my room with me, which helped greatly to quell my nervousness. I tried to put on a brave front but there were more than a few times I wanted Mom to hold me. I guess I’m a baby after all.

My nurse came and woke me at six AM to prep me for surgery. I was tired having slept restlessly during the night. They drew blood one more time and rolled my bed to the prep room. My IV bag was changed to a saline solution, I was shaved and swabbed with disinfectant where the operation would take place and then my parents were allowed in the room. They stayed for an hour until the anesthesiologist came into the room. He was a tall man with an infectious smile and really handsome.

“Good morning Cindy, I’m Dr. James and I’ll be administering your pain medicine during your operation. I’ll be with you the whole time during the surgery and you won’t feel a thing. Do you have any questions for me?”

“No,” I answered with a dreamy look in my eyes.

Mom recognized the look on my face and stifled a chuckle.

“Good. I want you to say goodnight to your Mom and Dad and then I’m going to give you a shot to relax you a bit before we go into surgery.”

Mom came to me and held my hand as Dad stood behind her.

“Are you sure you want this?” she asked. “You know you don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to?”

“I want to Mom. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

Mom hugged me and whispered, “I love you, little girl.”

“I love you too.”

Mom moved out of the way and Dad took her place and said, “I’m so proud of you Cindy. You’re my hero for doing what needed to be done, I love you.”

“I love you too Dad,” I said with a smile.

Mom and Dad left the room. Mom tried to hide it but I could see the tears running down her cheek. I wasn’t sure if she was crying because because she was sad that I was going to become a girl, or happy because I was going to become one? She was in a quandary I didn’t envy. Either way it was too late to turn back, not that I wanted to, but I would always wonder if I was doing the right thing.

Dr. James returned and I got the same dumb expression on my face as my heart rate increased with his presence.

“I’m just going to give you a little shot to help you relax Cindy. All you’ll feel is a little pinch, there’ all done.”

It took all of about ten seconds for me to relax; right, liar, liar pants on fire, and the soft fuzzy blackness enveloped my body.

Ping, ping, ping, ping, what is that noise? Let me sleep and while you’re at it take the cotton out of my mouth. Ping, ping, ping, ping, oh God, it’s my alarm. I’m supposed to play in a tournament today. My eyes fluttered open enough to see a bright light directly over my head, yuk turn it off. I moved to turn on my side so the light would go away.

“Ugh,” I groaned as pain shocked me back to reality.

“She’s awake,” a familiar voice announced.

“Where am I?” I croaked.

“Honey, you just had surgery,” the voice answered.

I knew that voice. I had heard it before, who was it? Think, Cindy, think, what do you remember? Oh yes, that oh so handsome doctor told me he was going to help me relax and injected me with something. It would feel like a pinch, but why don’t I remember anything else? That voice, I know, it’s Mom. What happened to me and why won’t my brain work like it’s supposed to?

“Mom?” I asked, my voice ragged.

“Cindy, it’s over and everything went perfectly,” Mom said.

“Perfectly?” I asked, my brain still muddled.

“Yes sweetheart, you’re a girl now.”

A girl, a girl, I’m a girl. Of course I’m a girl, I’ve been a girl for, for, for six years. Then it hit me, I had surgery and I really was a girl. A smile crossed my lips. I was officially a member of the club.

My eyes opened and Mom was hovering over me smiling from ear to ear. She had a daughter and it showed on every surface of her beautiful face. She was excited and she looked proud because I was now like her, female.

“How do you feel?” she asked.

“Umm, fine,” I lied.

I felt weird. My stomach was upset and my body felt like it was wrapped in cotton. I moved my hand to where my last bit of male parts had been and felt tubes coming from the bandages. Other than that, nothing. My IV was still attached and I watched the liquid drip into the line leading to my body. The only thing I noticed that I now had more plastic tubes running from my body.

My nurse walked in the room followed by my surgeon. My surgeon smiled and asked, “How are you feeling Cindy?”

“Fine I guess.”

She lifted my covers and asked, “Any pain?”

“No.”

“Good. You still have anesthetic in your body so you won’t notice anything for a few hours. After that you might feel a little discomfort. If you do ring for nurse Chambers and she will give you something for your discomfort.”

The surgeon covered me back up again. And I rested. I felt tired and sleep came easily.

My eyes opened again and now I knew what the discomfort the doctor was talking about, only I had another word for it, pain. My mother was sitting next to my bed watching as my face contorted into wakefulness.

“Did you rest well sweetheart?”

“I hurt,” I said, as an answer to her question.

I shifted uncomfortably to help with the pain, but all that did was make it worse.

Mom had pushed the button for the nurse so she came into the room quickly.

“Are you alright, Cindy?” she asked.

“I hurt down there,” I answered, pointing at the operation site.

“Your drugs must be wearing off finally. I’ll give you something to help take the pain away,” she said and injected something into my IV tube. I was asleep in minutes.

The rest of my day went like that. Wake every four or five hours, have the nurse give me pain meds and sleep again. The next few days followed the same pattern.

My operation had turned into discomfort rather than pain by the fourth day of recovery. It was nice not to take the meds and stay awake. It was also time for me to get out of bed and walk.

I don’t care what anyone says, but getting up the first time isn’t fun. I had to fight the dizziness from my medication and the increased discomfort from the operation. I felt like a little old lady. Mom was on one side of me and my nurse was on the other as they guided me down the hallway around the floor. My hands were full holding the rolling stand with my IV dripping fluid and my other hand holding my catheter bag. We walked around the floor twice before I returned to my bed as long as I promised to do the same this afternoon.

The following day, my catheter and IV were removed which meant I now had to go to the bathroom to make sure my new plumbing worked; it did. I had been sitting to pee ever since I started my journey but had to aim my penis with my fingers so the stream would go in the proper direction. Out of habit, I reached to do the same and was surprised to not find anything to aim anymore. All I had to do was go. The first time took a bit of time, as I had to learn how to make myself go. This function became easier each time I did it.

I won’t bore you with my time in the hospital. I stayed for two weeks before they let me go home. I won’t think of Jell-O in the same way ever again. I also had another hormone implant before I left.

There were instructions given to me that I had to follow religiously. One I couldn’t run for another two weeks and when I started again I had to take it easy.

No soccer for a month after I got home to be sure everything was healed and not likely to tear with the exertion.

Finally I had to dilate. When I was shown what to do in the hospital I had never felt so vulnerable and embarrassed in my life. My nurse apologized for making me uncomfortable but it had to be done or I would close up which would be a very bad thing.

Lastly I was shown the care and maintenance of my new part. I had to keep it clean because infection was now a very real threat. I found being a girl wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.

Two days before I was discharged, my personal FBI Agents came to visit. I thought they came to visit to be nice, but I was wrong. It was for a very different reason.

Agent Groves entered the room first followed closely by Agent Martinez. My Mom and Dad were both there. Ted had been staying with one of his friends during this whole thing so he was still back in Jackson.

“Hello Cindy, It’s nice to see you again. My you’ve certainly turned into a lovely young lady,” Agent Martinez said.

“Thank you.”

“I was wondering where this journey would end when it started? To be perfectly honest I didn’t think it would end like this, but I’m glad it did. If you had changed your mind we would have had to drop you from the program and let you take care of yourselves on your own. It’s good you followed through because I have some things to talk to you about. As you know, the man you sent to prison had escaped four years ago. As we told you his Russian Mafia friends ambushed the vehicle he was riding in and killed two marshals during his escape. He just dropped off the face of the earth so to speak. We hadn’t heard or seen anything about him for two years. He may have been doing what he usually did for the Russian Mafia during that time, but nothing could be linked to him directly. The assassinations had continued but we had no real evidence it was him. Two years ago a website was opened called American Twins. Basically it was a registry of twins in the United States. Its premises were to put twins in touch with each other for conventions and other events throughout the states. As more names were gathered schools and towns were being visited by several different men, all of them Russian. One was the man you sent to prison.”

“The way we found out about them was one set of twins was threatened by your man. His description was the same with the same scar under his eye. The boys and his parents were threatened but after the family proved they weren’t the twins he was looking for they left with the threat that if they said anything he would be back. Lucky for us they called the local police who in turn called us. We determined that the only way our guy could have found out about the twins was through the web site. After looking into the registration process it was easy to figure out what they had done. When you signed up one of the questions was whether you were fraternal or identical. After listing sex and age the work had been done for them. We contacted many of the twins listed and over half had mentioned some sort of contact with the group. No one has been hurt as of this moment, but I must warn you that there is a set of twin boys your age listed that live in Jackson.”

“Erik and Anders,” I said.

“You know them?”

“Yes we’re in the same grade. I umm kind of liked Anders last year,” I blushed.

“I see. First boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

“Well getting back to our problem, the group seems to be working its way from the east coast. We’ve had reports of harassment from Utah just last month. If your friends are on the registry like we think, then you can expect a visit from your killer. You won’t be in any danger because you’re now a girl and your brother is a boy. Your friends however might be.”

“I don’t think so. They have blonde hair and blue eyes.”

“Then I don’t think you have anything to worry about. It appears your family has made all the adjustments to live a normal life since the relocation?” Agent Martinez said to my father.

“Yes I suppose we have, I think It may have been the best thing that could have happened to us. We live in a lovely community, we have new friends, our children have more friends that I can count on my fingers and best of all we have a beautiful daughter.”

“She is that,” Agent Groves said. “We’ll be checking back with you every now and then just to be sure there are no problems but I doubt there will be. The doctors here at Stanford are the best and I’m sure all the steps with Cindy were for the best. I’m glad we were able to help assist you. It has been a pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Crane. The best to you and Cindy, you’re a lovely young woman.”
 
 
 
Chapter Eighteen
 
We returned home and the first thing out of Shannon’s mouth was, “what did they do to you?”

I knew she would be curious about what had taken place during my absence. I had told her I had to go to the Bay Area for medical reasons and I’d tell her all about it when I returned.

“I had some cysts that had to be removed. It was worse than they thought and after my operation they said I can’t have babies anymore.”

I knew I was lying, but that would explain why I had been operated where it was done. We both shed tears and hugs. God I’m so lucky to have Shannon for a best friend.

My recovery went well. I started running with the soccer team and playing after six weeks as the doctor instructed. It felt good to be with my team again and finally really being one of the girls.

School started for us and now we were entering our first year of high school. I was never so nervous in my life as we entered school. We were the freshmen, bottom rung on the pole. Upper classmen were rushing here and there, some teasing us about being young and new to school. We had all worn jeans and a blouse so as to fit in with the older girls and to be honest not to be noticed. We pretty much succeeded at that, the first day anyway.

Shannon, Alexis and I had signed up for the same subjects, all college prep. Unfortunately we found out in high school we wouldn’t always be in the same classes with each other. Shannon and I shared three classes and I shared two with Alexis. The three of us agreed on one thing that we would sign up for team sports after school. The only thing that interested us was cross-country during the fall season. The three of us joined the team and being already in top shape from soccer, our running was almost the best on the team. Thankfully we were able to continue with soccer because of daylight saving time. Our practices didn’t start until six and we were done with running by five.

We still maintained our high grade point average with Alexis carrying a four point oh.

I forgot to mention the second day of school. I hadn’t noticed the upper class boys during our first day of school but apparently they had noticed us. I found out later the boys liked to hang out near the entrance on the first day of school to watch the freshman girls on their way to classes. Several of the girls in my Algebra class were sophomores and one sat next to me in class.

“Hi, I’m Traci,” she said to me.

“I’m Cindy.”

“Nice to meet you. You’re a freshman aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Have you met any of the older boys yet?”

“No, why would you ask?”

“Because you’re so pretty. Just wait, you’ll be the first.”

“The first for what?”

“To be asked out by a junior or senior.”

“Why would they do that, they don’t even know me?”

“They might not know you, but they know of you by now.”

“I’m sorry Tracy, but I have no idea as to what you’re talking about.”

“Didn’t you see all the boys lingering around the front entrance to school yesterday?”

“Yes, how could I miss seeing them, some were really cute,” I giggled.

“Us girls call that running the gauntlet. Every year the boys line up to see which freshman they will want to ask out. Only the cutest girls are asked. It’s kind of a badge of acceptance and popularity to be asked by an older boy. The higher the class, the bigger the prize. A senior is the highest prize for a freshman girl.”

“I don’t think my parents would allow me to date anyone that much older than me. I’ve never even been on a date.”

“I can’t believe that. You’re too pretty to be sitting at home.”

“I really don’t have time to date anyway. I’m on a select soccer team and my friends and I are going to sign up for the cross-country team. The rest of my time is spent on homework.”

“I should have done the same thing as you, but I like boys too much which explains why I’m a sophomore in Algebra one.”

Class was simple as we reviewed the math we learned last year in eight grade. I was on my way to second period when a boy stopped me in the hall. He was very cute, probably a ten on the cute meter.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” I blushed in return.

“You’re new here aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I’m Gabriel Manning.”

“Cindy Crane.”

“It’s nice to meet you Cindy. Look we don’t have much time between classes and you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met and would really like to know you better. Would it be okay if I drove you home and maybe we could stop for a Coke or something?”

Holy cow. This is only my second day here and a boy, a very cute boy is already asking me out, OMG.

“Uhh, umm, I don’t know if I can. I’m only a freshman and I really have to ask my parents first before I can accept a ride home.”

“You’re safe with me, I’ll run you home and you can ask your parents if it’s okay to take you for a soda.”

“I really can’t. I’ll walk home with my friends and ask my parents, maybe tomorrow.”

“Okay see you then.”

Gabriel walked away and Traci approached me.

“Oh my God. Cindy, do you know who that was?”

“He said his name was Gabriel Manning,” I responded.

“I know that, but do you really know who he is?”

“No.”

“He’s just the quarterback for our football team and a senior. Girl, you just hit it big time. I have to go or I’ll be late for class.”

After what had just happened I felt as though I was standing in a vacuum. Apparently the most popular senior in the school had just asked me out and Traci was beside herself. If I didn’t pull myself together, I’d be late for my next class.

At lunch, Alexis, Shannon, and Lisa, a girl on our soccer team ate together.

“I hear you’re going out with Gabriel Manning?” Alexis asked.

“Where did you hear that?”

“From this Traci chick in my English class.”

“Oh God, I know who you mean. She’s in my Algebra class and saw Gabriel asking if he could drive me home.”

“What did you say?”

“I told him I had to ask my parents first.”

“Oh my God, you didn’t?”

“Why wouldn’t I. My Mom already told me no rides from someone they didn’t know. What was I supposed to say?”

“Anything but referring to your parents. Now he’ll think you’re immature.”

“Immature?”

“Yes, immature. We’re not in grade school anymore, Cindy, this is high school and we’re supposed to be young women. Girls ask their parents, young women just go ahead and do what they want.”

I couldn’t believe Alexis was saying what she did. Of all my friends she was watched over by her parents more than any other friend I knew. I wondered where she got an idea like that?

“Who told you that?”

“Traci mentioned it when she told me what you said to Gabriel.”

“And that’s why she’s in freshman classes with us. I wouldn’t pay too much attention to her if I were you.”

Shannon, Ted, and I walked home together after school. We had signed up for cross-country and Ted decided to try playing football. The conversation came around to Gabriel.

“Are you going to ask your parents if it’s okay to ride home with Gabriel?” Shannon asked.

“Who’s Gabriel?” Ted asked.

“The quarterback on the football team,” I responded.

“Dude, Gabriel fucking Manning asked you out?”

Ted was going through his dude phase and I think if he called me dude again I would scream.

“Ted, don’t call me dude and please quit swearing.”

“God Cindy, you know I call everyone dude.”

“Well I don’t like it.”

“Well excuse me. Who put a rag in your butt this morning?”

“That’s not funny.”

“Come on you two, you’re brother and sister, give each other a hug and be nice,” Shannon laughed.

“Eww,” both Ted and I said.

Ted had been growing as of late and he was almost as tall as me. More than a few girls had asked me if he had a girlfriend. I guess he would be considered handsome if he weren’t my brother.

“So tell me about your date,” Ted asked.

“I don’t have a date and you know as well as me that Mom and Dad wouldn’t allow me to date a boy.”

“You could ask,” Shannon said.

“I will, but I know what the answer will be, and beside we have running practice after school.”

“And Gabriel has football practice,” Shannon giggled, with a conspiratorial lilt in her voice.

“Shannon, you’re not helping,” I answered, my exasperation showing.

“Is he cute?”

“I guess you could say he’s rather handsome.”

“You’re so lucky. You’re the first freshman girl to be asked out by an older boy.”

“How’s that lucky. I can’t do anything about it.”

“Still, you’re the first.”

I guess being first was some sort of badge of acceptance, not that it would do much good.

“It doesn’t do much good so I think I’ll concentrate on school rather than dating a boy my parents won’t let me go out with.”

“When did you turn into a stick in the mud?” Shannon asked.

“About the same time as when your father told you no dates until you’re sixteen,” I laughed.

“Point taken.”

“Do you have everything for running practice tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yes, all we need is shorts and running shoes, oh and don’t forget to bring a sport bra.”

“I won’t.”

We reached our homes and split, Shannon going left and my brother and me right.

“What are you going to do, Cindy?” Ted asked.

“About what?” I said, playing dumb.

“You know what, Gabriel. You know Mom and Dad aren’t going to let you go out with him.”

“It doesn’t hurt to ask.”

“God, I’ve got to see my stunning sister shot down by her caring parents,” Ted laughed.

“Hah, you watch and learn, brother.”

Mom and I were washing dishes, Mom washing and me drying, when I popped the question.

“Mom, would it be okay if I rode home from school with someone?

“Who’s that?”

“Uhh, like this guy Gabriel. He’s the quarterback for the football team and the most popular boy in school,” I gushed.

“No, you’re too young.”

“But Mom.”

“Don’t but Mom me. You’re a girl and only fourteen. No dates until you’re sixteen.”

“What about school dances?”

“Only if your brother goes with you. He’s handsome enough to get a date, so only if you two double date.”

“Can’t I at least ride home with Gabriel?”

“Absolutely not. I won’t have my daughter riding in a car driven by a teenage boy.”

“You’re not fair,” I sniped.

“It’s not my place to be fair Cindy, and this isn’t a democracy. As far as your brother and you are concerned while you live in this house you’ll do as you’re told.”

Wow, I couldn’t believe what my mother just said. What would she know what Gabriel is like? He’s a nice boy and cute too. I felt my anger rise and walked to my room before I said something I would regret.

Gabriel was waiting when we walked through the doors the next morning.

“Hi Cindy, how you doing?” he asked.

“I’m fine, and I asked my mom if I could ride home with you, and she said no. I’m sorry but she said I can’t even date until I’m sixteen.”

“What a bummer. Damn, I was looking forward to spending time with you too.”

“We could spend time at school?” I said hopefully.

“Jeez, sorry, but I’m so busy that I hardly have time for myself, maybe next time.”

Gabriel walked away and out of my life. How could my mother be so cruel?

It was between first and second period I saw Gabriel again, with his arm around Jenny Lopez. She was a freshman from one of the other middle schools in the area. She’s really pretty and had a figure that stopped conversation when she walked by. It sure didn’t take him long to find a replacement for me. Mom was right, I had no business dating someone like that.

High school was a really new experience for us. Keeping my high point average was a chore, but it had to be done. Ted was having a much more difficult time than me so I became his tutor. He didn’t like his sister telling him what to do but that was his problem. Mom had to put the flame out on more than one argument.

Ted made the JV team and ended up playing wide receiver because of his speed. I hated to admit it, but he’s faster than me and he’s grown to an inch shorter than me and is growing like a weed. Because of our conditioning, Alexis, Shannon and I were the third, fourth, and fifth best runners on the cross-country team. Lindsey and Charlotte were the fastest but Lindsey is a junior and Charlotte is a senior. Our team was one of the strongest in the league, finishing second overall. Because of our high finish we went to the sectionals and finished fifth.

The only other thing of note was going to the Homecoming Dance. I wasn’t allowed to date a boy nor was Alexis or Shannon, so we went together. I was asked to dance every dance, as were my girlfriends. Gabriel even asked me to dance when Jenny went to the bathroom.

“Aren’t you afraid Jenny will find out?” I asked.

“She’ll be in the bathroom for an hour touching up her makeup,” Gabriel sneered.

What a creep, I thought, and to think I was going to argue with my mother for a boy like this.

“What are you doing dancing with this girl?” Jenny shrieked, as she walked up to Gabriel and me.

“She’s just a family friend, don’t worry Babe, you’re the only one I want to be with.”

Gabriel let go of my hand and walked away with Jenny after kissing her softly on her lips. I just shook my head at the foolish girl.

It was a month later that I heard the only reason Gabriel was still with Jenny was because she put out whenever he wanted it. I wondered if that could have been me if I had had my way?

After the cross-country season came soccer. The three of us tried out for the team and we made it.

Soccer isn’t a big sport so they only had one team, varsity. Because of our being on a select team we made first string. Usually freshman had to wait until they were juniors but we played well enough to make it to the big time. Some of the other girls weren’t pleased but as he coach said, if they play better than you then that’s the way it is.

Our select team didn’t play the same time as high school so our time on the field was exclusive to our high school team. Shannon’s father was a much better coach than Coach Denton, but what the heck; the three of us knew what the other would do without being told so we kind of used the rest of the team as decoration to our play. I’m not trying to sound as though the rest of the girls weren’t there, but we were the scoring part of the team. Making a long story short we won the league and went to sectionals.

State was after winning the sectionals and we came in second. The only reason we didn’t win was because of a lucky fluke of a goal by the other team. Pamela one of our defenders headed the ball out from in front of the goal and unfortunately it hit Jenny’s hip, which deflected the ball past our keeper into the net. The other team won one to nothing. Both girls were distraught, but we told them luck was on the other teams side and it could just as well been a play in our favor and not to let it bother them. Next year would be our year. They realized we were right because most of the team members would be returning and the seniors that were leaving weren’t the strongest players on the team.

I forgot to mention that between the sport seasons I returned to Stanford for another implant. My time spent with Dr. Montgomery was short so I won’t even say anything about it, except to say that my next meeting would be much longer.

High school sport is a three team affair, fall, winter and spring. Fall is cross-country, winter, soccer and spring is baseball, or in my case, softball.

I made the team and was surprised not to make the varsity. Apparently only juniors and seniors were on the varsity team and the rest on JV no matter how good you played. Because of my play in little league ball my skills were way beyond my fellow teammates but it didn’t matter. I was still a freshman and I would be spending time on JV (Junior Varsity) for those that don’t know. We won our league, yahoo. Ted joined the regular baseball team and made varsity, don’t even ask, grr. The varsity made sectionals and lost in the first round, but I was so proud of my brother.

Oh, I finally got to go on a real date. I was asked to go to the prom by Kyle Goldson. As I had mentioned my mother said no dating until I was sixteen but Kyle asked me to the prom. My mother said no even though he went to our church. Apparently he must have been smitten with me because my mom got a call from his mom and she talked my mother into letting me go.

First let me say, I love boys. Shannon would laugh every time I had a crush on some new stud at school, my definition, not what they were in real life. Every week I fell in love with someone new. Shannon says I’m the most fickle girl she knows. I blame my feelings on my rush of hormones and the fact (confirmed by my very own survey) that girls my age like boys. Ted mentioned that I was boy crazy, but he should talk, he loved girls as much as I loved boys.

Kyle, the boy who asked me out, is a junior in our school. I never noticed him before, if you know what I mean, except he was someone who went to the same school and church as me. I was drawn to the popular boys; you know the ones, the football star or basketball star and the ones all the girls thought were the cutest things since Justin Beaver. I was just as bad and much like a sheep flocking with the rest of the girls. Our conversations at lunch pretty much took the same path every day. God, such and such is so cute and I’m so jealous of so and so for dating him, sigh.

After Kyle asked me out I started to pay attention to him; not like I went and clung to him, but watched him to see what kind of boy was asking me out. He hung with a group of four or five of the same boys most days. They weren’t the uber-popular group but the ones people greeted with a friendly hi and that was it. His group was the good students and terrific athletes. None of the boys were drop dead handsome, but the more you looked at them, they had a special appeal. Kyle was six one and still growing. He was on the football team and played wide receiver. He was also on the boy’s soccer team, but the boys and girls teams kept pretty much to themselves, so he went unnoticed by me. His build was very nice, well-muscled but not to where it showed much. I guess the way to put it was he was in shape. He played baseball in the spring and I don’t remember him being on any of Ted and my little league teams. He was on the honor roll carrying a four point oh average. His hair was brown and his eyes blue. He was slightly tanned from being outside on the sport teams each year.

I think the reason I had failed to notice Kyle was the attention I received daily from other boys. A day barely passed that I wasn’t asked on a date, even though the boys knew I wasn’t allowed until I was sixteen. The attention can be a bit intoxicating and hearing comments like she’s such a fox can take your attention away from someone quiet and a bit shy like Kyle. Even with the attention I hadn’t fallen in with the popular clique cheerleads belonged to. Most of the girls in that group were so into themselves even I had to laugh. Sports were the farthest thing from their mind.

Getting back to Kyle, I really paid attention to him and to be honest I liked what I saw. He was relatively handsome and very considerate to others. He didn’t strut like a fool but drew attention by not drawing attention if that makes sense.

This was going to be my very first date ever and I couldn’t think of a boy I’d rather be going with.

So, now this was going to become the first for many things in my life, my first prom dress and shoes and the rest of the pampering that goes with it. Because it was a first my mother wanted to remember this moment for the rest of her life, her daughter’s first prom. I don’t have to go into all the preparation involved as most people reading this story have read the same thing over and over so I just want to say thanks to my Mom for letting me go in the first place.

Kyle picked me up in a limousine. He and three other couples had rented it for the evening. I had never met any of them because they were juniors and seniors at our school. Of course Mom had to take pictures of me alone and then with Kyle. After that came the group photos. I think Mom filled the memory card completely that night.

Mom and I had spent the day getting ready. I had a complete makeover and looked like a different person when I exited the salon. When I first saw myself in the mirror it took my breath away. If Kyle didn’t like what he saw when he saw me he must be gay.

My dress was black and the only thing I would have changed was the neckline. Mom and I had very different ideas as to how much of my breasts should be seen. Mom won out so there was barely a hint of cleavage showing. Obviously her idea of cleavage and mine differed greatly. I did win out on the length of the dress so it ended at mid-thigh, like the rest of the girls in the limo. I obviously had the most modest neckline of the group.

“You’re only a freshman Cindy,” she said, when we were shopping.

“But Mom, they’re going to think I’m a little kid,” I whined, as we tried on dress after dress.

“I doubt that,” she giggled, looking at my figure. Standing in just my bra and panties didn’t give me much ammunition to fight with. I had become very much a young lady.

We went to dinner first at one of the Italian restaurants Jackson was known for. I was worried about eating anything with sauce. It would be just my luck to drop it on my dress and ruin it. Fish with polenta was my final decision. The food was okay, but nothing to write home about. The thing about dinner was getting to know the person or people you were with. My thoughts had been that the older kids would ignore a lowly freshman like me, but I was wrong. The girls embraced me as if I was one of theirs, and the guys couldn’t have been nicer. The best part was how Kyle doted over me. I felt like a princess. The only thing that would have made the evening perfect is if Kyle had kissed me goodnight. He was too much of a gentleman to take advantage of my mother’s kindness to allow me to go to the dance in the first place. I fell hard for him that night. Who says nice boys can’t ever get the girl? He sure had me.
 
 
 
Chapter Nineteen
 
Memorial Day was a day I will remember for the rest of my life. I woke to a sun filled spring day. For some reason or other, Shannon’s father hadn’t entered us in a soccer tournament so the weekend was free. All of my friends had gone to the Sierras camping. We would have done the same but my father had a small contracting job that could only be done on the weekend for one of the banks in the area. I missed my friends, which probably was the reason for my melancholy. I had watched the morning shows and their visit to Arlington Cemetery and the tears shed by relatives still mourning for their loved ones. I had helped Mom with chores and retreated to my room as the sadness enveloped me. Sitting on my bed hugging my teddy bear tight to my chest, tears began to flow as memories of the last eight years flooded my brain. My door was open and I didn’t notice Ted enter my room.

“Sis, what’s wrong?” he asked, with obvious concern in his voice.

Until now, I would cry or pout while going through my hormonal rages and he never mentioned anything except to stay away and let me do my thing. His reaction was different this time as he walked to my bed and sat down on the side of it next to me.

“I don’t know. I was thinking about the last eight years and how much our lives have changed,” I blubbered.

“I thought you liked the way our lives have changed?”

“I do, but I wonder what our lives would have been like if we never witnessed that man murder that other poor man. Haven’t you ever wondered the same thing?”

“Not for some time.”

“Haven’t you ever wondered what I would have been like if I was still Marcus?”

“But you’re not.”

“I know I’m not. Marcus was killed just as dead that day when we witnessed the crime. If it wasn’t for that I’d be like you, a boy.”

“I thought you liked being a girl?”

“I do, but what if?”

“We’d still be living in New Jersey. Don’t forget you’re the one who volunteered.”

“I know I did. I didn’t think it would go this far when we started the whole thing.”

“You could have stopped any time you wanted.”

“I know, but I didn’t want to and if I did our whole family would have been in danger.”

“Why did you agree to being the girl? I know you said it made you feel important but you could have stopped?”

“I know, but as I started having friends I liked being a girl. It really wasn’t much different than being a boy, but the longer I did it the more I began thinking like a girl. I just wondered what my life would have been like if I was still a boy? Would I like Shannon in different way? She’s my best friend in the whole world, but if I were a boy she wouldn’t be. Maybe Anders or Erik would have been my friend because we were twins or maybe some of your other friends? Would I have been one of those jerks that pick on other kids, would my studies have suffered because I wanted to play instead of paying attention in school? Would Mom have allowed me to date girls even though I was fifteen? Things were different in New Jersey. I loved being a boy and being the best brother I could be. I remember we would always compete with each other, but not in a destructive way. If anyone saw Grady they knew I would be there too. It’s not like that anymore. I love you Ted, but were not the same anymore. We might be identical twins, but we really aren’t anymore. I think differently from you. You’re a boy and I’m a girl. We started the same but Marcus was killed that day,” I said, as the tears ran and dripped onto my bed.

Ted looked at me, reached over to me and pulled me into a comforting hug. It was the first time I ever felt real love from my brother.

“I love you Cindy, more than you’ll ever know.”

It was two weeks until I had to return to Stanford for my implant. I had asked Mom how much longer I would have to continue having the implants done?

“Until you’re eighteen and then after that you’ll start taking pills instead. I’m not sure if you were listening but your doctor said you’d have to take them the rest of your life.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t have the proper plumbing to manufacture the proper hormones but many girls have the same problem even though they were born a girl. Your situation is a little different but not that much.”

“Okay Mom.”

The following week I couldn’t stop thinking about Marcus. I wasn’t my usual bubbly self and it didn’t slip by Shannon’s inquiring gaze.

“What’s wrong with you lately, Cindy? You’re moping around like you’ve lost your best friend.”

“I don’t know Shannon, I feel so sad lately.”

“I know what it is, you’re gaining weight?”

“I’m not,” I stated.

“Your boobs look like you are.”

“Really?” I asked brightly.

“You’re smiling, I knew I could make you a happy Cindy again,” she laughed.

“Do my boobs really look bigger?”

“God Cindy, you’re so vain. No of course not. I just wanted to make you feel better.”

“Bitch,” I giggled.

Shannon always had a way of making me feel better about myself. This time though my sadness returned. I kept thinking of my life and how it had changed. I love the girl I have become and I love my life so why did I feel so sad about Marcus? If I couldn’t figure out what was going on I’d drive myself crazy. The solution to the problem was to ask Mom to try to book an appointment with Dr. Montgomery.

The return to Stanford had become a bore. I was growing to hate the three-hour drive to get there. It was even longer when we hit traffic.

I was in and out after my implant was done. My appointment with Dr. Montgomery wasn’t until two thirty so we had time to kill. We wandered the downtown district of Palo Alto, eating lunch and exploring the many boutiques that lined both sides of the street. It was a fun time spent with my parents. Ted of course stayed with one of his friends in Jackson.

We returned to Stanford and I was shown into Dr. Montgomery’s suite.

“Hello Cindy, it’s nice to see you again. I thought your last visit would be the last time I was going to see you.”

“Hi Dr.”

“So what brings you here today?”

“The way I’ve been feeling lately.”

“And how’s that?”

“I don’t know how to explain it. I just feel so depressed lately.”

“Why would you feel depressed? I thought we had resolved all your feelings about becoming a girl? If you had doubts you should have voiced them to me,” Dr. Montgomery said, with a stern tone I had never heard her use before and the tenseness in her body was evident.

“It’s not about becoming a girl, it’s about Marcus.”

I could see the tension leave before she spoke again.

“What are your concerns about Marcus?”

“Ever since I decided to become a girl all I thought about was being the best girl I could be. I would always be careful to not expose who I once was. I forgot all about Marcus because I was concentrating so hard on being a girl. After my operation I no longer had to pretend I was a girl because I really was one. Discovery was the farthest thing from my mind, heck I could have gone to the mall and taken off all my clothes and no one would have known I was once a boy.”

“Memorial Day I was watching TV and saw the sadness in the eyes of the wives and families of the fallen soldiers and realized Marcus was never put to rest. You see, Marcus died that day he witnessed the crime just as surely as if the killer had put a bullet in his brain. After that day I became Cindy, it was so gradual, except no one ever thought about Marcus. Why couldn’t anyone have thought about me? I did this for my family and yet it was always about Cindy, Cindy this and Cindy that, but never asking how Marcus felt? I don’t regret what I’ve done, but I don’t know, I just feel so sad about Marcus. I can’t forget who I was. Don’t get me wrong, I never want to be a boy again, but what am I to do with the boy I once was?”

“You have a dilemma Cindy. What do you think you should do?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m here.”

“Okay, let’s take this a little bit at a time. When you think of Marcus what are your thoughts?”

“I wonder what I would have been like.”

“And can’t you see that by looking at your brother?”

“Of course I can, but it isn’t the same as really being Marcus. I wonder if I’d have been different than him. I was always a better athlete but now after I began the hormone treatments I lost the edge to him. Maybe if I was still Marcus I would have too but I’ll never know.”

“Is it all about the athletics you’re worried about?”

“Not really. I think what I’m trying to ask is it all right to bury Marcus and forget about him. I’m a girl now and having memories of being a boy just doesn’t seem right.”

“Why’s that? Can’t you put Marcus into a special place in your heart?”

“I suppose I could. Would it be alright if I remembered him occasionally?”

“Why wouldn’t it be? Marcus is still a part that makes you unique. Marcus was a special little boy that made a very adult decision to save his family. That’s something you should never forget. Embrace your memories of Marcus. Keep them dear to your heart. It would be a shame if you were to bury those memories. Don’t feel sad when you remember Marcus but feel happy. You’re a very special young lady Cindy and Marcus is part of who you are, never forget that.”

“I won’t and thank you Dr. May I have a hug?” I asked, as my eyes teared with relief and happiness.

We returned home and that was the last time I felt sadness when I thought of Marcus. The doctor was right; I was a very lucky young woman.

I don’t know when it happened but Ted is now taller than me. My growth has stopped at a quarter of an inch over five foot six. Ted is now five eight and hasn’t shown any signs of slowing his march toward six feet, drat.

Summer vacation was different this year. Shannon and I spent a lot of time walking around the historic district of Jackson. We would be joined by other girls in our class and would have as many as ten girls in a pack, we all enjoyed showing off our rather new feminine curves to the tourists and flirting with boys. It was one such day that would bring an end to the hiding our family had been doing these past years.

Shannon, Alexis Lori, Monica, and I had just walked from the soda shop reproduction after having a milkshake. It was the middle of July and the temperature was well over one hundred. This was the first real shake we had all year and it felt good to splurge. As we walked by the hotel a man rushed from inside and almost knocked me down. All of us girls were wearing our bikini tops, shorts and flip-flops.

“Move,” he said, staring at the exposed tops and cleavage of my breasts.

“Hey,” I retorted.

He just snarled as he looked up into my eyes. His face was red with anger and his mouth was twisted into an ugly snarl. It was then that I noticed the scar under his eye. This was the man who wanted to kill me. I felt my body go stiff with fear. He had taken four steps toward the street and then he stopped.

Looking back at me he asked, “Do you know these boys?”

He showed me a sheet of paper with Anders and Erik’s names on it. Shannon could see my distress I couldn’t believe he didn’t recognize me and then I thought he’s looking for twin boys not a girl and boy.

“Leave us alone,” Shannon ordered, with the toughest voice she could muster.

The man growled at us, but not before staring at my breasts once again. He was old enough to be my father, what a pig.

Agent Martinez had told us the man had escaped five years ago and had been using a twin’s registry to try to locate Ted and me. Of course he had no idea the me had become a girl. Now I had something I had to do, find a policeman.

I was still shaking when the man walked away and Shannon asked, “What’s wrong, Cindy?”

“That man, he scared me,” I responded.

“God you looked as though you just saw a ghost.”

Little did Shannon know but I had.

“Look. I have to go home. I’ll catch up with you later.”

“We’ll be at Wal-Mart. Lori’s mom said she would drive us.”

“Okay.”

I walked as fast as my flip-flops would allow. I knew where the police station was since we walked by it on the way to school each day. What would I tell them, and would they believe me?

I ran the conversation through my head and decided a fifteen year old girl dressed as I was claiming to have seen an escaped murderer would make as much sense as claiming there was a monster in Pardee reservoir. Going to the police would have been the worst thing I could do. The only people who knew who we really were was the FBI and making the claim would just open doors that needed to stay closed.

I finally reached home and ran through the door.

“Mom, mom, I saw him,” I shouted.

“Cindy, calm down. You saw who?”

“The man, the one who killed the guy where we used to live.”

“You saw him? What makes you think it’s him?”

“He came out of the hotel and ran into me. I was with the girls and he stared at me. God Mom, I was so scared,” I said, as tears ran down my face. Mom came and held me until I felt safe again.

“We have to call the police,” she said.

“We can’t Mom. They don’t know were in witness protection and why would they believe a young girl like me anyway and how would I know he was a murderer? We have to call Agent Martinez, she’ll know what to do.”

Mom called the FBI office in Sacramento and asked for Agent Martinez.

“Agent Martinez,” she said, when she answered the phone.

“Hi Agent, this is Cindy Crane’s mother.”

“It’s nice to hear from you Mrs. Crane, but I’m sure this isn’t a social call. What can I do for you?”

“I’m going to put Cindy on the phone and let her tell you what she saw. It’s best if you hear it from her.”

Mom handed me the phone.

“Hi Agent Martinez,” I said.

“Hello Cindy, how’s your softball going?”

“Pretty well, thank you.”

“Your Mom says you saw something I might be interested in hearing?”

“Yes, I saw the man, you know the one who wants to kill us.”

“You saw him? How do you know it’s him?”

“I’ll never forget his face Agent Martinez, never. He walked out of the hotel downtown and ran right into me. I saw the scar and knew it was him as soon as I saw it.”

“Did he say anything to you?”

“He pointed at the names of twin boys who live here in Jackson and wanted to know if we knew them. He even had an accent when he talked.”

“That sounds like him alright. Listen, I’m all the way down in Sacramento so it will be about two hours before I can get to Jackson. I’m going to call the local police and see if they can pick him up. I’ll need you to stay home until I get there and see if you can find your brother. It isn’t safe for him to be anywhere near that man.”

“Ted’s camping with his friend’s parents at Silver Lake so I’m sure he’s safe.”

“Okay. You’d better hang up now so I can call the police.”

I lowered the phone and hoped the police would be there in time.

Agent Martinez called an hour later from her cell phone. I answered the call.

“Hi Cindy, it’s Agent Martinez. We’re on the road but I thought you would like to know the man is surrounded by your local police in his hotel. Unfortunately he has hostages and is refusing to give up. We’re bringing in our hostage negotiating team from San Francisco but they’re hours away. I’m going right to the hotel so I won’t see you until this is over.”

“Okay.”

I hung up the phone and sat looking at Mom. The obvious look of relief on my face. This adventure had finally come to an end. I couldn’t help thinking of what might have been if we never witnessed the crime in the first place. Thinking our lives would have been different was an understatement. There would have never been a Ted and Cindy Crane, identical twins, but really not. Our DNA might be the same but our bodies were as far from identical as possible. Would I have been as happy with my life if I was still a boy? I would never know.

Well, as my thoughts ran through my head, curiosity finally got the best of me. I had to go and watch to see if the man was really going to be captured. The Agent mentioned that he had a hostage. Would he escape again to once more try to find Ted and me and draw an end to the same trail I had been so pleased with just minutes before?

“Mom, I’ll be back,” I said as I walked toward the front door.

“Where are you going? Agent Martinez said to stay here until she got here.”

“I’m sorry Mom, but I have to go and see if the bad guy is captured. I’ll see Agent Martinez there.”

“I don’t feel comfortable with you leaving the house. What if something happens?”

“Nothing is going to happen. They have him surrounded, I’ll be fine.”

“Well, just be careful.”

“Yes Mom.”

I changed my shoes and left the house. With my canvas shoes on my feet I was able to run back to the center of town in five minutes. A block before the hotel I reached a barricade blocking the street.

I started to go around the barrier and was halted by a police officer.

“Hold it Miss, you can’t go down there.”

“But I have to see Agent Martinez of the FBI.”

“It’ll have to wait. She’s a little busy right now.”

“Could you at least tell her Cindy Crane is here to see her?”

“I’ll pass the message, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up.”

The officer spoke into a mike attached to his collar and waited for a reply. After several minutes the officer spoke to me.

“I’m sorry Miss but Agent Martinez says that you can’t come down there, her exact words were no, especially her.”

“Ooo, thank you,” I said, through gritted teeth.

God here was the man who wanted to kill me and I couldn’t go watch him be put away, grr. I had to see what was going to happen. There had to be a way.

I walked away from the barrier and circled the block. Main Street was closed off just after the market and deli. I ran into Shannon and the girls eating a sandwich from the deli.

“Where did you go?” Shannon asked.

“I had to go home for something.”

“God, you’re missing all the excitement. Some guy has some hostages in the hotel and says he’ll shoot one if they don’t get him a car.”

“How do you know that?”

“Monica’s brother is a cop and he told her.”

“He is? Do you think he could get us closer to the hotel?”

“I don’t know. Hey Monica, do you think your brother can get us closer to the hotel?”

“I doubt it, but it doesn’t hurt to ask.”

Monica’s brother was watching the barricade on Water Street where I came back to meet the girls. We circled the block and ran up to Monica’s brother.

“Chet, will you let us closer to the front of the hotel?” Monica asked.

“No way, you’re too close as it is. What are you doing over here anyway?”

“Cindy wanted to see if we could get closer, that’s all.”

“Aren’t you the one who asked to speak to Agent Martinez,” Chet asked looking directly at me.

“Yes.”

“I told you, you couldn’t go in there, now scoot you guys before I have you arrested,” Chet laughed.

“What do you want to do?” Shannon asked.

“Let’s just stay here,” I responded. It was the closest spot to the hotel we were allowed to be and I wanted to see the guy taken away.

We watched the non-action taking place. The police had taken up a position in front of the hotel and were joined by Agent Martinez behind one of the police cars. They were waiting for the man to make some kind of move. About fifteen minutes later Shannon asked me a question. I thought what had happened had gone past her, I was wrong.

“Who’s Agent Martinez?” she asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“Chet said you asked to see Agent Martinez, who is she?”

Crap, what have I gotten myself into now? How do I explain my involvement with the FBI? Could I be truthful with my best friend without blowing the whole witness protection thing all to heck?

“Shannon, you’re my best friend in the whole world, but I can’t tell you until this is over. When that man is arrested I’ll feel safe to tell you, but I can’t just yet.”

“Oh my God, you’re an undercover spy,” she said.

“Shannon, you’re crazy. No I’m not a spy. It will just have to wait. I promise I’ll tell you as much as I can.”

An hour later one of those command center busses turned into the street we were standing on. It circled the block and came down Main Street and stopped behind the police barricade. Agent Martinez stood, crouched over and ran to the bus.

Standing where we were, we couldn’t see the front of the hotel, all we could hear was the buzz of conversation going on behind the police cars. It reminded me of watching a lion stalking a zebra on Nature. You knew the zebra was history yet the fascination of waiting for the kill made the wait manageable. The same was happening before our eyes. We could see snipers on the rooftops across from the hotel aiming at the front of the building. Why hadn’t they shot I wondered?

Suddenly we heard a loud report from some kind of gun. I had fired pistols with my friend’s parents and this was much louder.

“Everybody down,” I heard a voice magnified through a microphone.

I waited for fire to be returned but nothing happened.

“Chet, why aren’t they shooting back?” Monica asked her brother.

“Because they’ll hit the hostage. As it is he hit one of the deputies on the roof across from the hotel.”

“Oh God, is he okay?”

“The shooter got his arm. He’ll be alright.”

I no longer felt as safe as I once did. Maybe this guy might escape after all. Fortunately he doesn’t know about Ted and me but who knows what he might do? Right now he’s like an animal in a cage and shooting more people wouldn’t bother him one bit.

We remained glued to our spot behind the barricade. As much as I wanted to leave I couldn’t, the future of the man with the scar meant too much to me. It was as though we were waiting for the inevitable train wreck.

Several more hours passed before the killer made his final demand, a car to be brought to the front of the hotel. After some hemming and hawing the demand was met. The thinking was that once the killer had cleared the front door of the hotel he would be an open target for the sniper stationed on the building across the street.

The car, an old Crown Vic was brought to the hotel and parked, the driver’s side facing away from the entrance. The driver, a police officer in uniform opened the door, exited and crept slowly away from the car, ducking behind the first cover he found.

It was about five minutes later that the front door of the hotel opened.

“Don’t shoot or I’ll kill my hostages,” the voice yelled.

“Everyone hold your fire,” A booming voice yelled from behind the police lines.

“We’re coming out so don’t do anything stupid.”

Monica’s brother shifted his position toward the front of the building, pulling his weapon. Several officers ran from behind the hotel.

“Chet, what’s happening?”

“He’s coming out,” Chet answered as he continued moving forward from his position.

All we could see was the edge of the front door. Slowly I saw a woman exit with a pistol held tightly against her head. Next came two more women with a man wearing a baseball cap between them. He was using the women, as a shield knowing the snipers wouldn’t shoot as long as the women were there. The group walked with their backs to the hotel and moving at a snail’s pace. It took at least three minutes for them to reach the driver’s door on the car. If I hadn’t seen what happened next I wouldn’t have believed it. The man tossed the pistol away from his hand and fell on the ground, face down. The women ducked behind the car waiting for the bullets to start flying.

“What the eff?” Chet said.

“Don’t anyone move,” came the command from the front of the police line.

There was a sound of rushing feet as officers closed in on the prostrate gunman. Rifles and pistols were pointed at the man.

“Don’t shoot, please don’t shoot. I’m not the man you want. He’s still inside the hotel,” the man stated.

The man was cuffed and then rolled over, the ball cap flying from his head exposing a shock of red hair.

“Fuck, he’s not our guy,” another voice said.

“Are there anymore hostages?”

“No.”

“Contain the building and do a room to room search, and be careful, he’s armed.”

The police and FBI rushed the hotel securing the property. The killer wasn’t found.

“Back here,” a voice yelled. “One of ours is down.”

We ran along the police line until we could see the rear of the hotel. Several officers were milling around a figure on the ground. There was blood running away from the body. He had been killed with a knife and was bleeding out. My stomach turned as I watched the gruesome sight.

“Help me,” a woman shouted from the junction of Highway eighty-eight and forty-nine. “He stole my car.”

Agent Martinez came to our home later that evening and told us what had happened back at the hotel.

“The man who’s looking for you, Ivan Livens came here because of the other twins that go to your school. Identical twins draw him live flies to honey and as we mentioned before he has access to a twin’s directory. Your classmates weren’t in any danger because they didn’t fit the description of you and Ted before anything like this happened. He’s looking for boys with brown eyes and dark hair and certainly not a girl which explains why he had no idea that he had just run into the person he wanted to kill.”

“Getting back to what happened at the hotel, Ivan pulled a fast one on us making us think he wanted a car to get away with the hostages. He took one of his pistols and emptied it of bullets and made the one male hostage wear a hat to cover his hair and face. He told the hostages he would be standing behind the door with a pistol pointed at their backs and if any of them made a wrong move he would shoot them dead in their tracks. Those were his own words. He told the man to hold the pistol to the head of the lead hostage and the others were to stand on each side of the man covering him from any sniper fire. They were told to walk slowly and any sudden move would be their last. They followed his instructions to the letter until they reached the car. The man knew as soon as he tried to get into the car his cover would no longer protect him so he felt that dropping the pistol and falling on the ground was the best thing he could do under the circumstances.”

“Unfortunately more than five minutes passed before we realized what had happened. Ivan had walked right past the Jackson Police Station with no one the wiser. When he got to the intersection of 49 and 88 he pulled the lady out of the first car to stop at the stop sign. She said he turned up 88 but had a three-minute head start. The only thing we have going for us at this point is a description of the car and the direction he’s going. Fortunately the lady was driving a Cadillac and it was one of those pink cars given as a sales thank you from some makeup company. It shouldn’t be too hard to spot.”

“That being said, I wouldn’t worry about him returning any time in the future. He’s known to the law officers both local and the sheriff’s office. The Highway Patrol has an APB out for the car so it shouldn’t be long before he’s in custody. I can safely say that if you want you could return to your old lives with the exception of Cindy of course. Everything that could be done to her has been done so she will remain a woman for the rest of her life. All I can say is that she’s been a real hero in my eyes. There aren’t many young boys who would have made the decision she did.”

“Thank you Agent Martinez for sharing what happened at the hotel. It’s a relief to know we no longer have to fear that bastard,” Mom said, using words I had never heard cross her lips. Ted and I both laughed.

So, our witness protection was over and we could return to our previous lives if we wished. Obviously I couldn’t become a boy again and there was no way I would want to. I loved the person I had become, but would I want to move back east again and lose the life I had built for myself?

“Well, what do you guys think?” Dad asked.

“About what?” Ted asked.

God my brother could be so dense sometimes. I love him to pieces but I wonder if he skipped a part of the brains assembly line when we were in Mom’s womb.

“Ted”, I said, “Dad’s asking if we want to stay here or move back to New Jersey?”

“You mean to our old friends and house?”

“Yes, I guess that’s exactly what he means.”

“What do you want to do Cin?”

“That’s easy, I love it here. I love my friends and I love where we live. If we moved back home how many friends would still be there? It’s been eight years Ted, things change.”

“But if we go back things will be the same again.”

“God, Ted, look at me. Do you really think things would still be the same? I’m your sister, not your brother anymore and think of the friends you have now. You go river rafting with them and skiing in the winter, you still play baseball and are really good at it, why would you want to move?”

“I don’t know?” Ted said as a tear ran down his cheek. “I just hoped things could return to normal and I wouldn’t feel so guilty about what happened to you.”

“Oh Ted, I love you and don’t feel guilty about me. I love who I became and I wouldn’t change a thing, unless………….I could have a twin sister,” I laughed.

“Ugh, no way.”

“So do we stay or do we go?” Dad asked.

“We stay,” we all shouted.

The group hug was kind of disgusting, Ted and I both needed showers but it felt good to have a life free from the danger we once had. Dad had built his business to the point where he had two carpenters working for him and money was no longer an issue as long as we watched what we spent. Thank you Wal-Mart.

Mom found a part time job, as a hostess for a local restaurant and her circle of friends seemed to grow every day.

Ted’s still growing and he’s several inches taller than me and hasn’t slowed one bit. As he’s grown he has also filled out and half the girls in school are in love with my brother, ewww.

As for me I had to bare my soul to Shannon about how I knew Agent Martinez. Obviously I left the change of sex out of the story but told her we moved here as part of witness protection. She thought that was the most exciting thing she ever heard. I love that girl to pieces and if it wasn’t for her I would have never been able to finish the journey I had so easily volunteered for. She taught me how to be a woman and I’ll never forget that. The thing is, she never knew she was giving me lessons every day. She still complains that I became more of a girly girl than her, not that either one of us really is. I guess it’s just a matter of your point of view. Maybe she’s more of a tomboy than me and we can’t see it.
 
 
 
Epilogue
 
Ivan Livens was free for almost a year. His hatred of my brother and me finally got him killed. He couldn’t stay away from trying to find the twins who had put him in prison. He found a pair of twins who looked much like Ted and I would have if we hadn’t changed.

I’m getting ahead of myself. When Ivan made his escape we thought his freedom would last several hours at the most, what with driving a pink Cadillac and all. Sadly he knew the car would get him arrested or killed so he drove into a driveway that led to a retired couples country home. It wasn’t one of those big estates, but a cottage filled with love as the two were living their dream of retirement.

He approached the front door claiming he was lost and wondered if they could help him. They were more than happy to invite him in so the husband could show him how to get to where he wanted to go. Once the door was shut he pulled his pistol and shot both the man and woman in the head. Their car was parked behind the house so he stole it. Being a dark blue Camry he blended in for two weeks before anyone thought to see why the Garsons hadn’t been seen. By the time the bodies were discovered, Ivan was in Los Angeles.

He got a lead on twin boys living in the Texas panhandle and paid a visit to their ranch. He drove up their driveway and saw the boys playing basketball in the front yard. These were the twins he thought and didn’t waste any time before he would dispatch them. Pulling his pistol from his holster, he walked toward the boys. The slamming of the car door caught their attention and they turned to see a strange man holding a pistol. They were fifty yards away and it would have been a difficult shot so he unwisely walked forward toward them. The same car door had alerted their father who was working on a piece of equipment in the barn, seeing the man and his gun shook their father to the bone. He had his hunting rifle, a 30.06 with him in the barn. He sighted through the scope and let fire. Ivan dropped in his tracks as the bullet entered his head and exited with a quarter of his brains. This was Western justice at its best. There would be no trial for Ivan nor would there be one for the rancher. It was determined the kill was well deserved.

I was in my sixteenth year when we found out what had happened to Ivan. Dad figured the news deserved a party so we had the first of many celebrations on the anniversary of Ivan’s death. Even our FBI handlers attended. We tried to get our doctors from Stanford to come by, but they all seemed to be busy. The only thing that hasn’t changed is that my brother and I are still identical twins but with a difference.

Edited by Di Wonder