Into every life a little star must fall...

"If it wasn't going to matter anyway, why did you convince me to take that test?" I screamed at the window. Really I was screaming at my parents who were having a heated discussion in the parking lot. They couldn't hear me. Jaden could, and partially it was him I was mad at. Livid is closer to the truth.

"If I remember correctly, you didn't need much convincing."

"Not helping."

He walked up behind me and hugged me from behind. I lay my head back on his shoulder and half whispered, "This isn't really helping either, Jaden."

"Yeah, but it feels nice, doesn't it?"

I remembered what Dr. Lewis said at that point and I pushed away from him. "That reminds me, I'm pissed at you for a completely different reason. What's this I hear about you being a doctor?"

"Well, I am…" he said and petered off.

"Under probation and what does that have to do with anything?"

"Oh, nothing except you temporarily lost your license because of a problem with a pretty female patient. Sound familiar?"

"it's not what you think…"

"You didn't flirt with a patient and get into a relationship with her and then she reported you when there was a problem?"

"Ok, so it's exactly what you think…but not what you think."

"Ok…so…what?"

"I flirt with my patients. It tends to make them comfortable. I never really mean anything by it."

"You don't," I said, a frown appearing on my features.

"Ok, I usually don't mean anything by it. It started out normal flirting with you, but there's something different about you. Sorry, this isn't what I want to say. She gave me her number and I made the mistake of tossing it in the trash as I was walking out the door."

"You did what?" I said laughing. Even I knew that was something stupid for him to have done.

"I know. How could I have been that stupid? I'd just gotten a code on a patient and I was rushing out the door to save a life."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Look, I shouldn't have done it. I should have been more…distant…but it's not me. Now, as an EMT, I only have to see them for a few minutes. It works out best for everyone."

"You could always wear a wedding band." I only realized what that could sound like after I said it and blushed.

"Only if you have a matching one," he said with a grin. I began smiling at him and then frowned.

"You sidetracked me. I'm still pissed about that test. What was the point?" I looked out the window. My parents were still arguing. My mom looked up at the building and saw me. She waved. I waved back halfheartedly.

"That was the point. You're dad might not be there, but you're mom wants to believe."

"What if I don't believe anymore?"

I turned around and looked up at him. I wanted him to tell me it was all going to be alright. At the same time I wanted him to tell me it never was alright. "Why can't life be simple?"

"Because then humanity wouldn't exist. We complicate things for the fun of it. What do you mean you don't believe anymore?"

"Oh, I'm sure I used to be Mitch. The thing is, I'm not Mitch anymore. I ceased to be Mitch the second I died. I'm a person who just happens to share twenty-four years of memory with Mitch. I'm Flora O'Connell."

"You know, that's missing something, don't you?"

"What?"

"Your name. I still prefer Lilly."

"Ok, Mr. I'm-calling-you-lilly-no-matter-what-you-want. That's enough of the changing my name game."

"You're not stopping."

"My rules, I can break them if I want."

"Oh, really."

"Yes, really."

"Fine, Lilly Evangeline Flora O'Connell."

I blinked at him a couple of times. "Where did Evangeline come from?"

"Well, Lilly Flora doesn't seem to work and Flora Lilly is even worse. It needed something fitting to separate the two."

"So, you decided to give me four names? And I said no more changing my name."

"No more, I promise, Lilly."

I made a face and stick out my tongue. He leaned in and kissed my tongue. I was so shocked that I just stared at him. That was the weirdest, hottest, weirdest thing I'd ever done with another human being. My heart raced and my chest felt tight. I just stood there, my arms at my side, doing my best to keep from throwing my arms around him and kissing him until he begged for mercy.

The moment passed and he just grinned at me.

"How's the Sickie."

"That's getting old, Dr. Lewis."

"Not for me. And the answers you come up with for it just keep me interested. Jaden," he said a little coldly.

"Dr. Lewis. I was just leaving."

"No, you weren't. Dr. Lewis. I want Jaden here. He's the closest thing I have to friends, family, or whatever."

"The closest thing, huh?"

"I can't exactly call you my boyfriend after only knowing you for three days can I?"

Both men's jaws dropped at my declaration. "Yes, I'm dating Jaden," I said to Dr. Lewis. "Yes, I really like you," I said to Jaden. He gave me a quick hug and went over to sit on the other side of the room.

"Well, that's…unexpected, especially considering your test results, Mitch."

"So, they came out conclusive?"

"Yes, not only didn’t you lie, but you got all the questions right."

"Excuse me? There were some in there that I couldn't remember. I answered 'I don't know' a lot of times."

"They were planted questions. "

"I said I didn't know if I was Mitch anymore."

"I figured that was how you were answering that question. You're academic advisor wants to speak to you before reinstating your degree, and we have to discuss changing your name, if you want to."

"Lilly Evangeline Flora O'Connell," Jaden said from the other side of the room.

"Not helping," I said in a singsong voice.

"That's a very pretty name," Dr. Lewis said almost at the same time and then laughed at my response. "Are you sure you haven't known each other for longer than three days?"

Jaden laughed and I blushed. "You be nice to my girl, Jaden." Dr. Lewis said as he left and I noticed tension drain out of Jaden.

"Wait. Dr. Lewis. How much longer do I need to stay here?"

"You should be able to get out of here tomorrow. You have an appointment with your advisor in the afternoon, so we'll try to get you out of here in the morning."

I nodded and sat down on the bed. Jaden came over and joined me.

"So, that seems to have worked out…"

"Mitch?"

"Mom?" I said, tears in my eyes. She held out her arms and I ran over and embrace her.

"I thought…"

"Your father is on the skeptical side, but you know that. I want to get to know my daughter."

"You know me, mom."

"I know. But the fact that you are so easy in your skin suggests there are things I didn't know." She looked significantly at Jaden. I had to smile.

"This is Jaden. He's the EMT who found me at the impact site. He saved my life."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. O'Connell. Lilly," he said and nodded at me. I tensed minutely. I really didn't want him to go.

"Why don't you stay for a bit?" she said. "I'd like to get to know Lilly's boyfriend."

"Mom," I said blushing profusely.

"Only a boyfriend can affect a girl that intensely that they don't want him to leave."

I blushed harder and looked away from him, "I never said…"

"No, but you tensed. You're unsure of me, even if you're sure who you are, and he makes you feel safe. I get that. At the best of times your father makes me feel the same way. Even when I feel like killing him like right now."

I felt like my blush was never going away at this point. While I was still Mitch, mom was never this intense. She was never this open. This was probably the best thing to happen, this new relationship with my mom. I released my hold and she lets me go sit down on the bed.

"I prefer Flora, mom. Jaden just likes lilies. He even grows them."

"Well, an EMT and a florist."

"He's a doctor, actually. He's just doing a rotation as an EMT right now." I figured the whole story would complicate things, so I just left it at that.

"Well, three days as a girl and already landed a doctor. My Lilly always was an overachiever."

"Mom!"

"Don't you mom me. I changed your diapers young lady and you're not too old that I can't tease you about it."

I looked at her, exasperated at her behavior and she grins at me. You'd think she was a teenager from her behavior and not the sixty-year-old she really is.

"So, is your name Lilly now or Flora?"

"Apparently it's going to be Lilly Evangeline Flora O'Connell."

"At least until it becomes Lilly Evangeline Flora Pierce."

"Jaden"

"What no Mr. Cart-before-the-horse or something equally as charming?"

"You can't get exasperated with something charming, Mr. can't-keep-his-big-mouth-shut."

"You're engaged?"

"No, mom, but we certainly joke enough about it."

"How long have you two known each other?"

"Eighteen hours and about twenty minutes."

I looked over at him, shocked.

"I don't think he's going to forget any anniversaries."

I just nodded. There's nothing else I could say. He was perfect.

"Tell me now," I said, a concerned note in my voice, "you still live in your mother's basement."

"Nope, my mother is in the family home in Savannah."

"You don't sound like you're from the south."

"Nope, I don't like to sound like a Southern Gentleman." The last was said with the normal drawl I'd always associated with the south. I think he did it just to tease me.

"You're a serial killer."

"Not this week."

"Gay?"

"Hardly."

"Your teeth are fake?"

"Now you're just getting ridiculous."

"Come one, nobody's perfect. There has to be something wrong with you."

"I flirt with complete strangers," he said as he started to move closer to me.

"I'm fine with that," I said looking into his eyes.

"I'm frustrating every time I call you Lilly." He took a step closer to me.

I nodded, never once looking away. "I like when you call me Lilly even if I prefer Flora." I watched his kissable lips as he said his next statement.

"I work all night," He was close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from his body. My body answered by kicking the thermostat up a couple of notches.

"I'm an astronomer. So do I." I bit my lip. He's so close to me now.

He leaned in and almost whispered to me, "I'm impotent."

"Wait, what?"

"Kidding, I'm kidding."

I began beating him on the arm and my mom just laughed. "Not funny," I say with a smile.

"See, not perfect after all."

"Just where it counts," I muttered.

"I need to get some sleep. Are you going to be okay with your mom?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Night, Lilly. Night Mrs. O'Connell."

"Night, Prince Charming," mom said as he left the room. He laughed.

"I know, right?" I said seriously to my mom.

"You're always had a bit of a charmed life, haven't you?"

"I never found someone to share it with."

"That's because you were looking for it in the wrong place. If I were twenty years younger…" my mom said gazing off into space in the direction that Jaden left.

"Mom!"

"What? I can look, can't I? And he's pretty nice to look at."

I just nodded and sighed.

"They are showing Sleeping Beauty today and I was planning on watching that."

"That was your favorite movie growing up."

I was a bit confused, "No, it was Pinocchio."

"Oh, well, yes, when you realized you were stuck with what nature had given you, you went with Pinocchio, but you'd first fallen in love with the story of Sleeping Beauty. You told me that you hoped your prince charming would come someday and wake you like that. When I explained that you weren't a girl…you were heartbroken, that I can tell you."

"I don't remember that."

"We got you a copy of Pinocchio the next day. You calmed down and started living life again. I was so worried before that thinking I'd done something wrong. Seeing you now, maybe I did."

I remembered seeing Pinocchio for the first time. I'd watched enraptured at the promise that she'd given little Pinocchio. I remembered looking up at the stars that first night, seeing the first star of the evening, which happened to be Gamma Cygnus I'd later discovered, and wishing…

"I wish I were a real girl."

"What was that honey?"

I began to cry a little, "Mom…I wished I were a real girl. Even years later, every time I looked up at the stars, I was wishing something that I couldn't remember. I'd wished for the longest time that I could be a girl when I was little. I forgot about that. How could I forget that, mom?"

"Because I'd told you it was impossible and you loved me enough to believe me. I'm so sorry, honey."

"It's not your fault, mom."

"Well, I feel it is, so let me wallow for a minute or two."

"Wallow away," I said with a regal gesture.

We giggled at that and turned on the TV to the right station. I spent the next little while living the story of Sleeping Beauty like I had as a little girl…before I realized I wasn't a girl at all.

After it was over I sat quietly in the bed for a moment or two. "Mom…you know Jaden woke me up. I was out cold and he woke me. Not with a kiss or anything, but he did bring me to life in a sense."

"He really is your prince charming, isn't he?"

"I think he is," I said shedding a few tears.

"Well, then we'll just have to see about reeling him in."

"Isn't it up to the guy to propose and all that?"

"Usually, it is. Society is changing a little, but even if it never really accepts us taking an active role the girl still holds all the power. We just have to teach you how a girl goes about letting a guy catch her. Though, from the way you two act around each other, I have to admit you're a bit of a natural in that arena."

I smiled and blushed at the same time.

We spent time talking about mother-daughter stuff, mostly all the stuff I had to look forward to in my new body. Some I could live with. Some, on the other hand I would have to live with. I wasn't too worried about it because mom never had nasty periods, or so it seemed to me. I might have just been oblivious to it all being a boy. Well, a child with a boy's body.

Whatever the case, I hope it won't be a big issue. It would just mean that I can have children. The thought gave me pause. Before that moment, I'd thought about fathering children, sure. I'd thought about what would be necessary for me. I liked the idea of children in the abstract. Well, I should say before this I liked the idea in the abstract.

The idea excited me much the way that Jaden excited me. The thought of Jaden and children, or more specifically having Jaden's children, put me into this sort of timeless space. I could see the two of us, me breastfeeding a small thing with dark hair and then offering it to Jaden. Jaden smiled down at the child and I felt like my heart was about to burst with the very thought of it. I was crying in the bed and smiling and my panties were wet.

"Well, my dear, it seems that the plumbing works?"

"Plumbing?"

"Yes, you're aroused by something and ready for sex I should think."

"I'm…" my jaw dropped a bit and my eyes widen. That's what I had been feeling. It's the same and yet so much different from how it felt as a guy. You don't get the tightness in the pants, which is about all most guys, well me, notice. But there are other things: the shortness of breath, the racing heart, the increase in temperature as blood floods your extremities, and then there are the other things that guys just don't get. This feeling of emptiness that erupts inside, this need to join with the soul of another person, the wonder that they are reacting to you that makes you feel vulnerable and powerful all at the same time.

We talked about sex. Yes, it can be embarrassing, especially if you let preconceptions get it the way, but if you use it as a learning experience…

If you ignore for the moment the fact that she's talking about your dad, your mom can tell you a lot of things to try out, and a lot of things to avoid. She can tell you what works for a guy in general, and some things that seem to work only for a few guys.

"You had sex before dad?"

"I was young once too, Lilly."

"Flora…"

"I'm with Jaden on this one. I like Lilly better. Now, I don’t want you doing anything without protection and being on birth control."

"Isn't that redundant?"

"I had you while on the pill and your sister while using a condom."

I blinked a bit at that and blushed.

"Your dad is virile and I'm very fertile. You'll likely take after your sister and I."

"Jenny…"

"…had an abortion while in high school."

"She was on…oh..crap. So…both together…" I was feeling hot, and only part of it was because of embarrassment. This talk of condoms reminded me what goes in a condom.

"I'm so not old enough for this," I say continuing to blush.

"And how old should you have to be to deal with this?"

"At least three more weeks. Give me three more weeks and then we can talk about this again."

"With how that Jaden looks at you, I'm not sure we can wait three more days."

"And how does he look at me?"

"Like he's a hungry wolf and you're the last pork chop on the plate."

"Mom!"

"Well, it's true. And you look at him like you're dying of thirst and he's a lake of crystal blue water."

I couldn't argue with that so I didn't. I just smiled at her. "He's been spending all his free time with me."

"Yeah, we need to get you organized quickly."

Mom left the room at that point and I lay back on the bed. I stared at the ceiling while she was gone. Did it invalidate your whole life to realize why you'd begun doing something in the first place if that reason no longer holds true?

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized, I had been seeking the blue fairy all my life. It was in that moment that I thought the most terrifying thought that had ever occurred to me: What if my entire life for the past three days was nothing more than a coma dream?

I shivered and held myself. Before the thought occurred to me, I was happy. Now, however, it wouldn't go away. I examined and reexamined my life from every angle. How could you tell if a dream was your reality from inside the dream?

I felt a constriction in my chest, and breathing became hard. I just couldn't get enough air. There wasn't near enough air. My stomach felt as though it had fallen through the floor and was working its merry way to China. The room began to spin and I just held onto the railing and cried.

"I want this to be real," I said to myself over and over again.

"Doctor!" I heard my mother's voice yell.

"I was afraid this might happen," I heard the doctor say from a long way away. They talked about a lot of psychology stuff that I didn't really pay attention to. I heard a pleasant voice that wasn't the doctor's or my mothers. It was Jaden.

"Jaden," I said quietly, "Hold me please. If you don't hold me I'll fade away." I was crying as I said it. I didn't expect anything from it. I'd been mumbling to myself for a while now, but Jaden lifted me up and put me on his lap and just held me.

"Please, oh please, let this be real."

"It's real, Lilly. This is real. You're a real girl. I love you."

"You can't love me, Jaden. You don't know me yet."

"I know you have an active imagination. I know you love the stars. You are a Disney princess even though no one ever really let you be one growing up. You love flowers, but not as much as you love fruit trees. You prefer to be too hot to being too cold. You scrunch your nose up when you're thinking about something you don't like and you get a faraway wistful look in your eyes when you're thinking of something you do."

He took a deep breath and continued, "You love to look at me when you think I'm not looking. You care about your parents a lot, even when they turn their backs on you. You're a momma's girl, even if most girls prefer their daddies. You loved to work out. You love people watching. And one day, you hope to be able to name a planet after yourself. Personally I think Evangeline is a better name than Mitch for a planet."

"I never said…"

"Did I fail to mention that you talk in your sleep?"

"I…" I blushed and squirmed a little in his grasp.

"I stop in and watch you for a couple of minutes at a time during my shift. I love to watch you sleep. You are really cute although I can already imagine the bruises you'll leave me. You really toss and turn and flail a lot."

"You love me?"

"Yes, there has never been anyone like you."

I turned away from him and stared at the wall.

"Hey," he said, putting his finger on my chin. He turned my head gently until I was looking up at him. "I meant that as a good thing," he said gently. I looked at his lips and then at his eyes. I could feel something moving a bit under me. I hopped out of his lap when I realized what it was.

"Momma, about what we talked about earlier? How soon can we get that taken care of?"

I didn't move because it freaked me out. I moved because of the realization that it was turning me on. I was pacing a little trying to keep from leaping back into his arms, and he blushed looking embarrassed. Mom was laughing a little and so was Doctor Lewis.

"Jaden, I'm walking around right now because…" I wanted to continue, but it made me embarrassed. How does a girl tell a guy what I'm feeling without sounding like a slut? Does it matter if he's the only one who I want to give myself to?

"I'm over here with you over there because I don't want to get pregnant right now."

"You don't…" he looked confused for a moment or two and then it suddenly dawned on him what I was saying. "You mean that you, that I, that…Oh." He was grinning at me and I smiled back and sat on a chair as far from his as possible.

"So you like me?" He said with this little goofy grin.

"Well, you're not bad to look at. You really fill out your uniform well. Certain parts of your anatomy are more compelling than others right now."

"Like which parts?"

I blushed bright red. I realized at that point that mom isn't in the room anymore. Neither is Dr. Lewis. I closed the door and slowly walked over to him. It was really doing a number on my hips, walking like that, and he was staring at me, well my hips. I could feel myself becoming aroused. When I was a few steps away from him I leapt into his arms and put my legs around him. I could feel him growing between us and it gave a little friction to some of the new parts of me.

Then I was kissing him and nothing else really mattered.

When he went rigid I slipped of his lap and went and sat in my chair again. I think I'd been rubbing against him a little while we were kissing. He was this pretty shade of crimson and I just watched with a smile as he calmed down from the mutual high that we'd been moving toward.

"So, what do you think?" I said with a little smile.

"I think I know exactly what you were talking about. If you'll excuse me I have to go and get cleaned up a bit."

I just sighed and sat in my chair sort of relaxed with one foot on the seat. Yeah, I can't describe it well, but it's comfortable to me, especially with an arm wrapped around that leg and my head resting on my knee.

After he got out of my bathroom I went in and closed the door. I locked it and then got to the business of cleaning myself. It's not that I had a problem with what we did, but I want to be clean, and I don't really smell clean right now. Since my mom mentioned it, I realized that I have a scent when things begin to get going, and I wanted to smell fresh, even if that wouldn't last forever.

I was sure to see Jaden again and he just didn't allow me to stay at a nice quiet idle.

I to0ok a moment or two to gather myself and then opened the door. My mom handed me a pill and a glass of water.

"What's this?"

"Your first birth control pill."

"Oh," I said a little put out.

"They will only be effective after seven days, so until then…" Dr. Lewis says.

This was embarrassing and Jaden just laughed at me.

"You do realize, Mr. I-don't-have-to-worry-about-this-crap, that it means we don't get any sex for a week, right?"

He sobered immediately, but there was a gleam in his eye. He walked over to me and kissed me and then whispered in my ear, "It just means no penetrative sex for a week."

I looked up at him and smiled. "You are one baaad boy."

"And you're no sheep."

I realized in that moment that when Jaden was there, I had no fear of whether or not this was a dream. When Jaden was there, I knew this was reality. I realized I was completely screwed.

"Dr. Lewis," I said. "How come I can come with all this when Jaden is here, but not on my own?"

"I'm no psychological expert, but I think he grounds you in reality."

"That's an adequate description of what's going on," a woman said from the doorway.

"Dr. Janessa Endworthy," she said offering me a hand. I took it in one of mine and just barely gripped it.

"So, you're my patient, are you?"

I looked around at Dr. Lewis and then my mom, worried at what this meant.

"Don't worry. Dr. Lewis just called me in to consult. So, from what they tell me you are either suffering from a delusion that you are Mitch O'Connell, or you really were Mitch O'Connell and somehow, thought a process we don't yet understand you were changed into the little thing I see before me.

"Personally, I'd usually go with option A, since delusion is much more common, but from the description of your breakdown earlier, and this test you took, I'm keeping an open mind."

"Why would my breakdown make you believe me? Doesn't that mean my delusion might be breaking down?"

"Well, that's the interesting part. From what Dr. Lewis told me, you didn't start showing signs of being a young woman who had never been Mitch. You showed signs of rejecting that you had ever become a woman. In my mind that is a healthy attitude for someone to have who just spontaneously changed gender."

"I aim to please," I said with a little smile. I didn't much like this woman. She was one of those professionals that seem to believe that they know everything, and even when proven wrong they were right all along. I did my best to avoid them in my own field and didn't want to deal with them in another.

""I like you," Dr. Janessa said.

She spent some time talking to me on my own, and then talking to me with Jaden just sitting in the room. It was true that I felt a lot more comfortable with who I was when he was present. Without him I questioned all the choices I made, and even had difficulty coming to grips with what would happen in the future.

After a while, I realized that as long as I recognized that Jaden would be there for me, I could do this without him there.

It began to terrify me how much I was relying upon Jaden to keep me sane. When Dr. Janessa left, I confronted him about it.

"Jaden, I can't do this. I need some time to develop who I am as a person. If I have to lean on you the whole time how can I be a real person? What if you left me?"

"Never going to happen."

"What if you died?"

"You already died, Lilly. You have to believe that there is something after this life."

"I only know I was around my body after I passed. I don't know how long that would last."

"Lilly Evangeline Flora O'Connell, I will never leave you alone. I will follow you until your dying breath and meet you on the other side. Then, when you join me, we will spend an eternity together just watching the sunset and the stars come out. At that point I figure we'll have enough time for you to teach me all their names."

My heart stopped for a moment listening to him talk about an eternity with him. I could actually believe that he meant it. In that moment, I knew that he meant to live with me and die with me. He meant to be a part of my life forever.

Being a bit of a realist I knew that we never know what tomorrow brings, but it didn't matter. I truly believed that Jaden would find a way to make everything he said a reality.