From the Author: Yes, you have likely read this already. This is a repost of chapter two in preparation of continuing this story.
I awoke to the quiet sounds of a sleeping hospital. Sure, there are still people moving around, but the constant pages for this or that doctor, the sounds of doors opening and closing, and the sundry other noises of a living building are absent. Lights are off. People talk in hushed whispers. I was immediately bored out of my mind.
My entire life I'd been one of those people who had to be doing something. Even when I was staring up at the stars I was deciding which one I'd look for intelligent life on. Yeah, I'd wanted to work with SETI for a while, but mostly when I did work in my field I was looking for planets in the so called 'Goldilocks Zone'.
It was my specialty. Unfortunately I picked stars that other people had already found planets on. Thing is, I found planets on every star that I looked for them on.
One of these days I was going to find a new planet and then watch out world, there was going to be a planet Mitch out there.
Well, I used to think that. Now? I didn't even have a degree in my name. I no longer was an astronomer. That hurt. It was the only thing that I really wanted. The only thing I'd ever wanted. I got out of bed and went over to the window. Only the brightest of stars was visible in the night sky. I could name most of those I saw.
It was my passion, remember.
I spent that night saying goodbye to all my friends. They were my best friends growing up. All; the nights I spent in the boy scouts were spent looking up at the stars. I learned the constellations so that I could remember which stars were mine, which I'd lay claim to.
I fell asleep counting the stars and wishing them well on their trip through the universe.
My back ached. I could feel strong hands rubbing my shoulders and smoothing the tight muscles in my back and I stretched into those hands. Then I remembered the events of the previous day and I stood up and turned around.
"Good morning, Lilly."
"My name isn't Lilly, Jaden."
"Ok, then how about Rose." I wrinkled my nose and just shook my head at him. He laughed and I couldn't help giggling a little. His laugh was infectious.
"So, who is Mr. Has-a-thousand-names now?"
"I looked up girl names with flower meanings last night."
"Seriously?"
"Yep. I had to find the perfect name for you. I did say you were as beautiful as a flower, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did say. Why can't you just call me Mitch?"
"Because I really don't see you as a Mitch. You might have been born Mitch, but you're not a boy any more. You need a better name."
"Flora, then."
"Oh, a goddess and a flower, I can handle that."
"Wait a minute, I didn't mean…"
"Too late, I'm going to go get your records here changed now…Flora."
I wanted to grumble, but it was really hard for me to stay angry with Jaden. He seemed so full of life, and he made me want to let go of the little things.
Dr. Lewis came in just as Jaden left, making it impossible for me to actually stop him from having his way with my records.
"It looks like you're feeling better."
"I wasn't feeling bad yesterday, Dr. Lewis. You were the one who wanted me to stay over night, remember?"
"I did that, didn't I? I've spoken with Mitch's parents. They're willing to participate in Jaden's test. I haven't told them about you yet. I'm still of two minds about the whole thing."
"I want to reclaim my life, at least some of it. I want to see my parents again and have some sort of relationship with them."
"Let's just get through the test first, shall we? They'll collect all of the information for me, and I'll be creating the true false answers that the computer will be using."
I nodded and smiled. That was something, at least.
"I also got your professors in on it…I mean Mitch's professors. They'll be providing knowledge based questions and what history they know."
"I have a feeling that this is going to be one big test."
"I fully expect there to be somewhere around a thousand questions when we're done."
I took a deep breath and let it out again. "So, what's on the schedule for me today, Doctor?"
"We're going to have you in for a full body MRI."
"Well, let's get to it then," I said with a smile.
He went to the nurse's station and got me a wheel chair, which I sat in and he raced me down the hall like we were children. I'd always liked that about Dr. Lewis. He loved to have fun, and even if he was in his seventies now, I couldn't see him retiring to the quiet life.
We got to the room and he had me lie down on the table before giving me the ear plugs. I was happy that I didn't suffer from claustrophobia because the machine was tight, or at least felt tight to me. I was in there a little while before the boredom set in.
I did my best not to fidget, but it didn't make it really any fun. I began to hum some of my favorite songs and that seemed to keep me occupied because the next thing I was really aware of was that I was being pulled out of the machine and Dr. Lewis was helping me back into the chair for the return trip.
Somehow the gown had slipped up while I was getting into the chair because the air caught it and tried to wrap the gown around my neck. I held it down as I really was wearing nothing under it and didn't want to show the world my girly bits before Jaden had a chance to give me a thorough physical examination.
That thought alone made me feel like slapping myself, but it made the smile on my face even bigger that in was just from Dr. Lewis' antics. I felt younger, somehow, that I had just a couple of days before. Not that I had more energy or anything like that. More like I felt that all my worries had left me behind. I felt free.
It's not like I didn't have any worries. It was more like I felt that the world before had been inexplicably wrong and now it was inexplicably right.
Dr. Lewis deposited me in the room I'd come to feel was mine and went off to try to decipher the MRI that he'd taken of me. Jaden was gone when we returned so I lay myself down in the bed. "How's the sickie?"
"Princess Bride? Really? Do I look like a ten year old Fred Savage to you?"
"Nah, but I couldn't resist the jab."
"So, what are you up to now, Jaden?"
"I thought we'd go for a walk."
"Not while I'm stuck in this," I gestured at the clothing I was wearing.
"Not to worry. I've got some yoga pants, a tank top and sundry foundation garments."
"Do I want to ask?"
"Ask what?"
I just glared at him with an upraised eyebrow.
"Oh, the clothing. Well, I described you to my sister and she suggested the top and pants. She also suggested I bring a variety of bras and panties since I didn't know your actual sizes."
"I don't even know my sizes," I said with a little grin. He deposited the clothing on my bed and then stood back.
"You mind?" I gestured for him to leave.
"Oh, sorry."
"Close the door please, Jaden."
He complied and I quickly sorted through the plain white cotton undergarments until I found some in my size. It took a little trial and error, but eventually I found some that covered me and hugged me in all the right places. There is something about going commando that has always bothered me, and finally being in some well fitting undergarments brought that feeling to my attention with its absence. The loose garment I'd been wearing hadn't abraded my breasts at all, but now having them properly supported was like heaven. I felt dressed even though I was only wearing my undergarments. For the first time I think I really understood how women could wear a bikini and not feel self conscious. Sure, some of them felt that way, I'm sure, but I could envision myself wearing a pair without any real worries.
It was almost anticlimactic slipping into the tank and pants after putting on the underwear. I didn't feel any more dressed, and to a certain extent I felt more exposed wearing those pieces.
I don't know how to explain it, but it was like they were designed to feel like they wouldn't impede any of my movement. Not that they actually impeded movement, but they felt barely there to me. It might also have been my mind expecting the heavy weight of male clothing. The simple scraps that form women's clothing is insubstantial in comparison.
I walked over to the door and opened it. Jaden fell in on top of me so I took the opportunity to wrap my arms around him and explore his stomach a little.
"Hey," I said with a purr.
"Hey yourself," he replied. He slowly extricated himself from my embrace and turned me around to get a good look at me.
"Very nice, Flora."
"You're going to keep that one, aren't you?"
"You suggested it, goddess."
I grumbled a little, but I was grinning at him while I did it. Truth be told I kind of liked the name Flora. It was almost exotic at the same time as being common. I can't explain it. It just felt like it had always been meant to be my name.
"I want to show you something."
He took me to the roof of the hospital where I fully expected the helicopter pad. What I didn't expect was what else occupied the roof. There was a large glass and plastic greenhouse occupying the greater portion of the roof, out of line with the direct access from the helicopter pad itself.
"What is this?"
"This, my darling flora, is the rooftop garden. A doctor a few years ago started it as a hobby to keep him sane and since then we've sort of added to it."
"The doctors and EMS and everyone?"
"Pretty much. Only those of us who like gardening pitch in."
We walked into the greenhouse and the wind cut off immediately. I'd been a little cold in just my exercise gear, but inside the hothouse it was a different matter. It was warm and I was glad for the loose light clothing that Jaden had brought for me.
I walked through the eclectic gathering of plants until I found a bed devoted entirely to lilies. "This one is you, isn't it?"
"Why would you say that?"
"Of all the flower names you could have picked out, it was Lilly first."
"Yes, I like growing flowers."
"You know I don't belong to you, right?"
"Yeah, but if I'm really careful and take proper care of you I might be able to spend a lifetime with you."
Out of nowhere tears erupted from my eyes. I turned away from him so he wouldn't see. They were happy tears full of gooey goodness at the sappy line he'd fed me. It was only made better because I could tell he sincerely meant it.
"I hardly know you, Jaden."
"Well, I didn't propose to you, Flora, I only said I was willing to build a relationship with you. Relationships are a lot like growing flowers. They're beautiful from afar, but you fail to realize how much work the perfect flower takes to grow properly."
"So, they're like pretty little bonsai trees are they?"
"They can be. More, though, they're flowers, delicate and beautiful. I love the perennials personally. They seem to die, but they're just restoring their strength to come back into full bloom in the spring. They never disappear completely; they just hide for a while."
We wandered around the greenhouse looking at the flowers and vegetables that the other patrons had planted and tended here. The variety spoke something about the doctors of this hospital. The flowers that Jaden planted spoke something to my very soul.
"Thank you for showing me this."
"You're always welcome, Flora. So, think you might like to spend another day with me sometime?"
"Maybe," I said with what I assumed was a coquettish smile.
"Well, I'll take a maybe from the beautiful girl I just met yesterday."
We walked back to the stairs and he put an arm around my shoulders to protect me a little from the wind until we got inside. I leaned my head into his shoulder. How many minutes is too soon to decide that you really like someone? How many minutes before you can allow yourself to admit that you love them?
Dates are mere moments in time separated by our normal lives. What is a good date? Two or three hours at most?
I had spent so many more hours than that already with this man. I'd definitely be in the third date category at the very least. Was that soon enough to really be falling for him?
I felt I needed time to process the feelings that he awoke in my chest. He brought me to my room and helped me into bed.
"Good night, Jaden. See you tomorrow?"
"Sure, I think I can manage that."
"When do you work?"
"I'm a night shift guy. The owls and I own this city."
"When do you sleep?" I said, suddenly worried for his health.
"I get enough sleep, Flora. You only let me stay for about eight hours a day. A nice nap before and after and I'm good for a full shift. Besides, thoughts of you keep me going."
"You need to get more sleep, Jaden. You can't ruin your health on my account. I'm hardly worth it."
"You're worth it and more, Flora. Trust me on this one."
I blushed but I couldn't help feeling that in some way he was being unfair to himself, and in extension me, by burning the candle at both ends.
I stared out the window at the sky as the sun slowly creeped toward the horizon and slipped to bed. I should be tired, but I greeted my friends as they appeared one by one and bid them all a good morning. I was asleep long before Cygnus graced the sky.
The sunlight streaming in through my window woke me up much earlier than I'd normally enjoy. That was one of the downsides to having a room on the south side of the building; the sun was able to get to you no matter what time of day it was.
The upside was the cheery glow that the sun added to the room. "That's something I could get used to," I said to the empty space around me.
"What is," Jaden said from the doorway.
"Hey, Jaden. Did I ever mention how much I like to see you in uniform?"
"I had a drop-off and wanted to see how you were doing."
I had to laugh at that. "You just saw me."
"I can never see enough of you, Flora."
I blushed and put my hand to my chest. My heart was racing again. "Down girl," I almost whispered to myself. It was something I could handle, this new libido of mine that wasn't really that much different than the old one. There were different triggers, sure, but it's not like I walked around screwing everything while I was a man, and I was damned if I would let this rule my life as a woman.
People talk about men thinking about sex all the time. From my experience it wasn't all the time, just anytime there was a pretty woman in the room, and in my case a good looking guy. You consider what it would be like undressing them, seeing the lust growing in their eyes. You think about how it would be.
It seemed, to me at least, that with women at takes the right person to get you there. And it's not how they look, although that doesn't hurt, but more who they are.
Maybe that's why men's fashions are so staid while women's are so varied?
Men don't need to look good to get the woman. I mean sure, if they're just dirty and smelly that's got a be a turn off, but as long as they act the part, and look halfway decent, we'll overlook everything else.
A woman is on sale the whole time from makeup to perfume to clothing. They have to show just the right amount of skin for their body, have the perfect scent, and show just the right amount of beauty. And don't forget the heels to improve their 'muscle tone'.
"You look pensive."
"Sorry, I'm having an internal monologue about the differences in male and female sexuality while watching you fidget deliciously in that tight uniform."
"You know how to make a man feel like a piece of meat."
I laughed with him as he crossed the room.
"Aren't you supposed to be on the clock?"
"Sure, which is why I thought I'd check your vitals while I'm here."
"Oh no you don't, Mr. I'm-an-EMT-not-a-doctor."
"You know you'd love to have me check you out."
"There is no way in hell I'm having sex my first time in a semi-private room in a hospital bed as grungy as I feel right now."
"I thought you weren't a girl?"
I swat his arm, realizing even as I do it how girly a move that is.
"No, I'm not a girl. I'm a woman. I'm twenty-four years old. Doesn't mean I can't feel nasty with…too much information for you. Regardless I know intimately what it feels like now to just feel dirty. Yes, I showered, but this is the same set of clothing that I wore yesterday…which I just slept in. Same underwear too."
"Well, I'll have to get you some more clothing now, won't I?"
"You can't just keep buying me things."
"I want to buy you things, and if they're useful, then all the better."
"Look who's Mr. Practical."
"Are you ever going to get tired of that?"
"You ever going to get tired of calling me Flora?"
"Never," he said as he gazed into my eyes. I broke the connection to prevent what I knew was coming next.
"Oh, you're good," I said with a smile. I just giggled at his confused look. "And you don't even know you're doing it, do you?"
"Doing what?"
"You are the sexiest, most romantic guy I've ever known, and all this is just natural you, isn't it?"
"I guess…" he said, even more confused.
"Don't worry about it, Jaden. It's a good thing. Please don't ever change. No matter how much I might beg you later, stay this guy forever."
"I'll try," he said, the smile coming back to his face.
"Now, get back to work. You shouldn't lose your job on my account."
I put a finger to my lips after he'd left, wondering what it would be like for him to kiss me. I'd kissed girls in the past. I knew how that felt. What would it be like to be the girl? To be kissed…
Jaden made me feel special. He made me feel loved in a way that no one ever had in my life.
The problem was that when I'd told him I was a virgin, I was telling the absolute truth. Sure, I'd gotten to second base with Katie back in high school, but that was it. I'd never gotten any further than that. Knowing what I know now I realize that I was trying to force something that just wasn't there.
Everything with Jaden was just so easy.
"How's the sickie?"
"Grandpa!"
Dr. Lewis laughed from the doorway, and I smiled over at him.
"So, I want to keep you here under observation for a couple more days."
"Is something wrong?"
"Well, mostly you're a very healthy young woman. The residual radiation from whatever happened to you seems to be localized around your heart, which is a little worrisome to me."
"Ok," I said. I wanted to get out of this room, or at the very least get something to do. I was sure I'd now lost my job at the restaurant, but hopefully I could at least find work doing something, and if I could get back into school…
"We have your test scheduled for ten this morning."
"Test?"
"To see if you're Mitch."
"Oh!" Somehow in my growing interest in Jaden the test I'd requested had slipped my mind. It felt like weeks had passed since I got here, not just days.
"I'll let you clean up before I take you down there. I like your outfit by the way."
"Jaden got it for me," I said with a contented smile on my face.
"I'll have to talk to that young man…"
"Wait," I said, getting a little scared, "He's not going to get in trouble, is he?"
"He should get in trouble. He knows the rules."
"Then he didn't get me this outfit. And I'm not seeing him. Please, you can't blame Jaden for this. I like him. I like spending time with him. It's the only thing that's keeping me from going out of my head with boredom right now."
"He knows he's not supposed to proposition the patients."
"If anything I propositioned him, Dr. Lewis."
"It's not really a policy anyway. One of his former patients accused him of impropriety. That's the reason he lost his medical license."
"He was a doctor?"
"He still is. He's just on probation right now. I was worried that he might be repeating past mistakes. He's always been very friendly with the ladies, although I don't think it ever progresses beyond a little flirting."
"Oh," I said watching my world go down in flames with those few simple words.
"So, you're test?"
"Let me get ready. You can take me down around 9:30?"
"I'll be here."
Dr. Lewis' words echoed through my head. Was that it? Was Jaden just friendly? Spending more than twelve hours with me over two days could be more than just friendly…but it could be that he's just a really good guy. He knew that I had no one else, and he knew I was stuck in the hospital for the time being, but could it be more than that?
Sure, he'd held me on our way to the stairs the night before, but could that have been nothing more than concern for my well being?
This was so confusing. I didn't know how to deal with this apparent rejection. I'd hoped that now that I was being true to myself that all my relationship woes would go away. Intellectually I knew that couldn't be the case, but I hoped it might be. But here I was, once again, being rejected.
It hurt. It really hurt. I held myself and cried in the shower as the warm water pelted me from above. I stayed there until the water grew cold and then hopped out and got back into the grungy clothing I had to wear.
Dr. Lewis appeared promptly at 9:30 with a wheelchair and we again raced down the corridors. Without the gown to expose me to the world I felt a lot more comfortable just enjoying the experience. My hair whipped around in the wind of our passage. I giggled the entire way.
We stopped in front of a door and Dr. Lewis helped me to my feet. "It's right in here, dear. Just look toward the screen. We've got a number of cameras trained on where your eyes should be. This test is timed, of course. Just answer each question as truthfully and quickly as you can."
I sat down at the terminal. There was a mouse to click on the answers and there was a single question on the screen. 'Are you ready to begin?' Below the question were three large buttons. The first said 'yes', the second said 'no' and the third said 'I don't know'.
I figured that this would be representative of the rest of the test and was giving me a chance to start the timer when I was ready. I was right. The questions were mostly short. Some had strange wording.
There were questions about where I grew up, who my first crush was, my GPA in high school, 3.5 by the way, not the 3.2 the test stated, and many, many, other things.
They even got into true false questions about my college years, both personal and academic life.
I had to answer some of the questions 'I don't know.'
It's funny the things that people think you should remember but they were never important enough to you to make a lasting impression.
I tried to answer each question truthfully, even the ones that were embarrassing. I finished the test with a single question that struck me strangely when I'd gotten to it.
'Are you Mitch O'Connell?"
Without hesitation I clicked on 'I don't know.'
I'd been Mitch before all of this happened. I was a valet at a local restaurant. I was becoming increasingly fed up with the dating scene. I was trying to keep my love of the stars alive and find that perfect someone at the same time and failing at both.
I'd been in a downward spiral with my life careening out of control.
Now, however, I had hope. Sure, I didn't look like Mitch, and I certainly didn't feel like Mitch.
Those minutes I'd spent dead had changed me into the woman who now sat there and stared at the question that could have easily proven to them I was the person I claimed. Unfortunately for me, I was beginning to realize I might not be that person any more.
