My name is David, and I am a woman.

- - - Spoiler Warning - - -
The following pages include some mild to moderate spoilers for the ongoing story Call me Donna. You have been warned. :)
I finished telling my story and sat there looking at Beth. Somewhere in the past eight years some of the raw emotion had gone away without my even realizing it. At the time, it was the end of my life. Everything revolved around those few days that marked a change in the seasons of who I was and who I thought I would become.

"Did you ever regret your decision?"

Of all the questions that I'd expected to hear, that was the one furthest from the realm of my thoughts.

"Eventually. But by then I thought it was too late to go back and actually transition."

"No, not that one. The decision to participate in the pageant."

I sat there and thought for a while. Shortly after the pageant, I'd blamed my being in it for everything that came after. I blamed it for the fallout. Did I regret being in it?

"It was one of the happiest moments of my life. Sarah and I were truly alive for those days. To actually regret participating would be to regret Sarah being my friend. No, I don't regret that decision."

"What about your other decision, baby. Do regret what you told me? Are you even sorry? I didn't hear that as part of your story." My mother stood in the doorway, her arms crossed under her breasts. The anger in her voice was clear to me, as were the tears in her eyes. I'd had the control of our relationship for so long that I never realized that same control was eating away at Mama.

"Mama..." I began, but she turned and walked away.

"It would be a good idea to go after her, you know?"

I followed Mama to her room. She'd collapsed on the bed and was crying. "Mama?"

"Go away, David."

I sat down next to her and just put my hand on her back. She tried to shrug it away, but I just sat there. "I'm sorry, Mama. I was wrong."

"It doesn't fix things."

"No, it doesn't, but I know more than most that some things can't be fixed. You have to recognize that they're broken and move on."

"Like you did all those years ago?"

"No, Like I am now, Mama. Can you please forgive me?"

"I missed out on your college graduation."

"Both of them, I know."

"Both?" she said.

"Yeah, I graduated with a liberal-arts degree first. Then, since I still hadn't sold a single painting, and didn't want the jobs on offer, I became an architect."

"My baby the architect. So, have you helped on any big buildings yet?"

"She's designed a few, actually, that have been built."

"Gary..."

"I'm proud of you, David. I want the world to know it as well."

"Gary...I'm"

"A very special woman? Yes, I know."

"But I'm..."

"A beautiful and talented artist? Yes, I know."

I blushed. "Stop that. Let me finish, please?"

"I know what you're going to say, and I don't care."

"I can't have children. It will be at least a year, maybe longer before I will be a complete and legal woman."

"You are a woman now, David."

I opened my mouth to say something else, but there was nothing else to say. He actually seemed to be accepting me as I was, faults and all. Could I do any less for him?

Not that I recognized any faults in him, but it was early in our relationship. I'm sure that they'd come to my attention later.

Looking over at Mama, who was smiling sadly at me, I was reminded of something, something that was as important to me as it was to her.

"You do realize I'm not having sex with you unless we are married."

It was his turn to blush, and Mama laughed.

"That's the same thing your mother told me."

"Mama!"

"Well, I know my own daughter, at least I should."

"Mama, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for even suggesting that I would..."

"It's okay. I understand why you did. It was a terrible time for you, and I wasn't making it any better."

"I know, Mama. forgive me?"

She said nothing as she gathered me into her arms and just hugged me tightly. I hugged her back, trying to make up for the years I'd denied her my touch, my love, my presence.

"I think you should give Dr. Funk a call."

Dr. James Funk had been my psychologist for a short period. He'd also been the chairman of the Miss Florida's Outstanding Teen committee when I'd participated in that pageant.

"Why..."

"Because he calls every year on the twentieth of July, hoping that you've gotten in contact with me. I'd just gotten off the phone with him when you knocked on the door."

Somehow, subconsciously, I must have come here this week because of the date. During the summer memories of home and loss always seemed to be stronger, and so I usually tried to throw myself into work, but here I was, at home days after the anniversary.

"Are you going to visit Sarah while you're here?"

A tear or two fell as I sat there overwhelmed by the memories of what happened.

"I'm sure she'd appreciate it."

"But Mama..."

"Even if it just makes you feel better, then it's a good thing to do."

"I think I'd rather call Dr. Funk. Do you know what it's about?"

"They held your crown for you, you know?"

"No, I didn't."

"Well, they did."

"That's unreal."

"Crown? What crown?"

"Miss Florida's Outstanding Teen, of course." Mama said with a touch of pride.

"Mama..."

"You won a beauty pageant?"

I blushed, smiled, and just nodded.

"You don't seem the type," Gary said.

"What, because I'm not tall blonde and busty?"

"No, because you're not self-centered, stuck up, and bitchy."

I blushed, but there was a smile on my face. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and went to get my cell phone.

I'd been with the same carrier since I was a teen, which meant that even if I'd changed phones, I still had my contact lists. For some reason I'd never deleted any of the old ones either. I sat for a moment looking at Sarah's number before scrolling through until I found Dr. Funk's number.

It rang a few times and then he picked up, "Hello?"

"You sound older than I remember."

"Who is this?"

"I'm sure you wouldn't really remember me. This is David Lowell."

"David...so you decided to stay a man?"

"Not exactly," I say with a laugh. "I go by David Louise Lowell now."

"That is an interesting choice. Might I ask why?"

"I think you know. We did talk about the incident after all, and I told you everything she said to me."

He sighed, "Well, I was hoping that you would have gotten back to me sooner."

"I wasn't going to be some poster child for transgender issues, doctor."

"I know that. An old man can dream, can't he? It would have been so good for all the other girls going through something similar."

"What can I do now?"

"Really? you want to help?"

"I want to make up for lost opportunities in some way."

"Well, we could always use another judge at the event this year."

"But, the twentieth..."

"It is actually next week, the twenty eighth through the thirty first."

"Wow...that...but only a judge?"

"We can add another judge, Donna...David, hard at this late date to do much else."

While I loved my vacation, I didn't know how my work would take it. I still had stuff I needed to do. Could I really take this much time off...

"I need to talk to my boss make sure I can stay down here that long."

"We'll hold the spot for you. I still have your crown."

"I thought the crown was owned by the pageant."

"They are, and they're not cheap. The pageant committee decided to hold yours for you, for life."

I began to cry, "I still don't feel like I deserve it. Sarah..."

"Would have been happy for you, and you know it. She just didn't know."

I sighed and tried to stop my tears.

"I want to participate again, in any way I can. I'll make it work."

"Good to hear. I'd also like to meet and talk with you at some point."

"I think I'll find the time. Thank you, Dr. Funk."

"Call me James. I think you've earned that right, if anyone has."

I smiled and hung up. I felt arms around me and just leaned into Gary. He whispered something to me, but it was the fact that he was here more than anything else that comforted me.

<3  <3  <3 I took a deep breath before I spoke, "Mama...why did you make me a blonde for the pageant?"

"Honey?"

"It's something that has always bothered me. I know that you think blondes are sexy..."

"Oh, my darling girl...no. It had nothing to do with that. I'm blonde. I just wanted people to see you were my daughter. That flaming red hair makes it difficult sometimes. With you as a blonde it was so much easier to see."

"Oh..."

"Was that part of the reason you...why you were so hateful after?"

I nodded, tears coming to my eyes, "I was afraid of what it meant when you took me to tea. I was afraid of your friends, and the innuendo that went on. I know it wasn't really obvious most of the time I was there, but after, I felt like I'd been forced to participate somewhere I never should have been."

"I'm so sorry I ever let you feel that way, baby."

"How could I have done anything differently? Sarah was depending on me, you were so happy preening in front of the other mothers."

"I did not preen."

"Really, and it wasn't you who said, and I quote, 'my daughter is the one who sang the Lady Gaga song'?"

She blushed while I laughed.

Gary kissed me full on the lips and I melted for a moment before I pushed him away, "What was that for?" I said with a little smile.

"Trying to positively reinforce you laughing. I love to hear your laugh, and figure if I reward you every time you do..."

I laughed again, which earned me another kiss. I let him continue this one, or I should better say I kissed him back. When we finished I punched him in the arm.

"What was that for?"

"Making me laugh just so you could kiss me."

He laughed at that, and I was sorely tempted to kiss him, just to give him a taste of his own medicine. Unfortunately, I thought he'd enjoy it too much.

"You two are sickeningly cute together, you know that," my mother said.

"Go find your fiancée and leave me to my own devices, Mama."

"Just so long as your devices remain fully clothed..."

"Mama!" I said blushing while Gary laughed.

"Gary...how long do you think I could take off work?"

"Why not just work from here?"

I blinked a couple of times and then smiled, "Why don't I just work from here. Gary, you're a genius."

"Yes, I am. I decided to date you, didn't I?"

"Nope, you didn't."

"Um..."

"You've never asked me on a date."

"Oh...well...Would you have dinner with me tonight?"

"No."

"No?"

"If I have to prompt you..."

"David, would you please go to dinner with me tonight? I would love to go out somewhere with you so that the entire world can see the lovely young woman I'm dating."

"So, this is about you, is it?"

"What I mean is...never mind. You've got the whole feminine logic thing down."

"What do you mean..." but I never finished the thought. He kissed me. It seemed that the other kisses he'd given me before this were simply warm-ups. This was the olympic main event and my mind simply shut down.

When he pulled away and eternity later I was left with my mind still completely knocked from the tracks.

"You were saying?"

"What was I saying...tonight at seven then?"

He just laughed and nodded at me so I grinned back up at him.

"You should have to register that as a lethal weapon?"

"What?"

"That grin of yours. It's deadly."

I just smiled wider at him. He went in for another kiss and I ducked my head away. "I think you've reached your quota for the day."

"Can I buy more?"

"We'll see after dinner." I said with another smile and slipped away.

<3  <3  <3 Dinner was special, but not for any of the reasons that I would have thought. There were a million little things that screamed 'female' at me as I made my way through it. He helped me out of the rental car, of course, but he also put his hand at the small of my back as we walked in.

It wasn't as if he were guiding me. More it was that he wanted to make sure I was still there with him. He stepped ahead of me as we reached the door and opened it for me. My heart leapt in my chest watching him standing there watching me.

That moment lasted just that, a moment, but the night was filled with them. I was seeing the world with new eyes. Yes, I recognize that I've been a woman for a long time, but I never recognized it, and now, recognizing it, being on a date, being the woman on a date...it just all settled on me.

I felt newborn into a world that welcomed me as a part of it.

The night ended all too soon. I didn't even remember what I'd eaten, or how it tasted, by the time we got back out to the car. Frankly, it didn't matter. The conversation had been food enough and his eyes gazing into mine were drink.

On the way home, I was silent, trying to sort through my feelings. I liked spending time with him, and kissing was fun, but was I rushing into this? I'd only really started noticing boys for the first time last week...well since I was sixteen.

Still, I was basically going through puberty for the first time, even though I was twenty-four. So, I was ten years behind the curb, but could this just be hormones? They were running through my system now from the shot I'd gotten on Friday.

So, I could easily be at the mercy of those hormones now like any teenager. I liked Gary...but was it enough to just like him? He'd been my boss, and even if he passed me on to another, I still felt a bit of that boss-subordinate back and forth between us. I'd definitely need time to get over that.

Did I really want to take the time?

Gary seemed to want to be with me, but how much of that was the taboo nature of it? I looked like a pre-teen girl. I really did, if I were being honest. Sure, I could add makeup to make me look older, more sophisticated, and unlike a teen who did it, I was just telling the truth.

Physically I was older, and I was at least a little more sophisticated.

At the same time I was less sophisticated. I'd fallen into the trap of flirting without even knowing it as a teen. I wasn't that teen girl anymore, but with the intervening time filled with trying to be a man...where did it really leave me?

It was weird going into the same house with him after the date. It gave an added sense of intimacy I wasn't ready for. I gave him a peck on the lips and then locked myself in my room.

<3  <3  <3
The next morning I went in to breakfasy to find Gary laughing with Beth and Mama. Beth was sitting right next to Mama, almost in her lap, and there was the pressure for me to do the same with Gary. No, I don't mean any sort of overt pressure, more it was just socially expected based on what was happening in the room when I arrived.

"Hey, David. Morning, sunshine."

I shuddered at his unknowing reference to an earlier time.

"Gary, this isn't working."

"What..?"

"This," I said gesturing between the two of us. "This is the first real romantic relationship I've had. I'm not ready for the forced intimacy I feel going on with you living at my mother's house with me."

I took a deep breath before I continued, "I like you, Gary. I'd like to get to know you better a lot more. If it's a money thing, not saying you're poor, I can pay for you to stay somewhere else. You are here for me after all, at least I hope you are, but I can't..."

"David, it's okay. I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I could tell how uncomfortable you were last night and I already packed. I was just waiting for you to get up before telling you."

A small, wondering smile came to my face and I just looked at him with glistening eyes, "You were?"

"Yes. I don't want to force this. If it works, then it should be wonderful. It should make you as happy and comfortable as you deserve to be. If it doesn't work...well, that's why I put you with my partner as opposed to being your boss anymore."

"I don't understand."

"You are one of the best architects I've ever seen."

I shook my head. I was blushing at the compliment, but I couldn't possibly be that good.

"Stop. I know how you feel, but you are. You put a piece of yourself in every building you design. these buildings are your children, David. You are there through all of the birthing pains, making sure that the building goes up according to your inner vision."

"I'm not...a mother?"

"Yes, you really are. There's a reason your buildings don't look like everyone else's."

I blushed, lost in thought about the building's that I'd helped to create. Gary came over and kissed me on the cheek.

"We'll get together in the next day or two, ok? Call your boss, I'm sure you can work from here."

I nodded mechanically, just looking into Gary's eyes. Beth and Mama laughed softly as Gary walked out the door. "You've got it bad," Beth said with a little giggle at the end.

"What?"

"You like Gary. I mean really like him."

I blushed and nodded.

"Well just be careful," Mama said

"I am being careful. I asked him to move out, didn't I."

"What your mother means, is this is your first. While the first is always exciting and takes your breath away."

"In other words, dearest one, not everyone will be with their first forever. There's a reason it's call the first and not only."

"But...it could happen..."

"Yes, baby, it could. Just remember that we're always here for you when this falls apart."

I opened my mouth with a quick retort, but my resolution not to be a teenager about all of this came back to me from the night before. Something else came back to me as well. I went back to my room and got ready for the day. I grabbed a light pair of pants and a loose blouse and put them on.

Once that was done, I set to my makeup with a passion. Sure, it would be a light daytime makeup, but it would be makeup, and I made sure to make it an adult's makeup and not that of a child. The woman looking out at me from the mirror was sophisticated and pretty. I wouldn't go so far as to call myself beautiful, especially with my very youthful features. I could see, though, that I was attractive, at least with the makeup taking away the androgyny I always saw there.

I was lucky. My features could have been those of a boy or girl easily enough. That was where my haircut and clothing came in. I'm sure my mannerisms didn't hurt at all either. I'd always passed too easily as a girl, especially during the pageant when I'd been a teen.

None of which mattered now.

I was starting a new life as a new girl. I was finally going through the puberty I'd denied myself all these years, and finally, finally, I would be the woman I had dreamed I would become while I was trying to become Miss Florida's Teen.

I left my room. Today really was a new day.