My name is David, and I am a woman.

Dinner impressed me, not for what was there, but for what wasn't. When I'd been growing up, Mama had opened two bottles of wine before dinner, and drunk one or two more after. There was no wine at the table, and just a carafe of water. I half expected it to be vodka or another equally transparent alcoholic beverage.

"Mama, I know this is a bit insensitive, but I don't see any wine on the table."

She smiled at me sadly, "Honey, I've spent a lot of time today thinking about the mistakes I've made in my life. I used to drink for the enjoyment of it. Everything seemed a little better, more fun, more bright, after a drink or two."

"Mama."

"Damn it, David. It's my turn to finish. What I'm saying is that losing your father ruined me. I was sure that I could keep him interested, even if I never was. He was a man, right? Just thinks about sex, wants nothing to do with a real, meaningful relationship?"

"You don't have to do this, Mama."

"Yes, I do. My mother told me I would never be happy as a lesbian. What she meant was, she would never be happy if her friends knew I was a lesbian. She figured I would get married and then have a string of lovers, living in a loveless marriage while my husband did the same."

I just sat there quietly. I knew of friends of my mother's who lived in relationships like that.

"Your father was that sort of man, don't get me wrong, but he and I had one thing in common…"

"You both like petite blondes?"

"Besides the obvious, dear one. We both believe in marriage, and the vows we took. More specifically, and strangely enough for me, we believe that sex and marriage are inseparable."

"Um…what?"

"I know, as someone who is not allowed to marry anyone who I could truly have a deep relationship with, I should just go with it, but I can't."

"I never thought you were religious."

"It has to do with human nature. Making love, whether for procreation or not, should be something with a meaning behind it. You should do it with a truly committed partner, someone who shares your beliefs. It is about baring your soul to them, and them doing the same.

"Marriage is just society's way of acknowledging that bond between two individuals that no man is supposed to sunder."

"But dad…"

"Your father has certain…proclivities that I thought would make him a perfect lover. I doubt that any of his paramours can handle it when they find out that he looks better in their clothing that they do."

"Mom!" I said, shocked at what she was suggesting.

"Yes, honey. Your dad loves to dress up to the nines for a night on the town."

"How am I just hearing about this?"

"Would you really have believed me before?"

"Only if you were sober, which I assume you are right now?"

"Not a drop since this morning. I figure that alcohol is a small price to pay if it means having you in my life again."

"I never asked…"

"No, you didn't ask me to stop today, you just pointed out I was drinking again. Like usual. You're right, you know. Beth told me the same thing, and you know how I ruined that."

I looked at her for a few moments, thinking how best to ask the question I had on my mind. The direct approach usually works, "Who's beth?"

"Don't you know Beth? Elizabeth Fleur? You have to know who she is."

"Why is that, Mama."

"She was your tennis coach after all."

"My..." In the back of my mind, I remembered one of the failed attempts I'd made at finding a non-art hobby. I'd only taken three lessons, and that when I was thirteen. I didn't even remember my coach's name.

"Mama, I don't even remember her."

"Oh, well, I became friends with her. After you left, and I really tried to crawl into a bottle, she was there for me. She wanted me to quit drinking, much like you."

"Why don't you invite her over?"

"I haven't spoken to her in a year. I was drunk and I kissed her."

"Why would that…"

"Because she's not a lesbian." Mama was on the verge of tears. "She pushed me off and drove me home and told me to sober up. I was so embarrassed and confused that I refused to respond to her texts or calls. I thought she liked me…you know…as more than a friend."

"Mama, did she know how you felt about sex?"

"Of course. But I figured…"

"That someone who really cared about you would take advantage of you while you were wasted? That they'd essentially rape you, just because you planted a drunken kiss on them?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but then she just closed it and looked away.

"I've been making some stupid mistakes in my life, haven't I?"

"Yes, Mama. You have."

"I get no sympathy, do I?"

"You get what you deserve. Give Beth a call."

While Mama went and got her phone, I sat thinking about how strange my life is. I'd fully intended to tell mama about Gary, and that he was coming over, but I'd allowed myself to be sidetracked. I'd found out my mom had been pursuing a woman for years, someone who stuck by her through a lot of the crap she'd had going in while I was a teen, and then just let her go.

My love life might be a big tangled mess, but I didn't have to let my Mama's be the same.

Mama got off the phone. She had a strange, almost wistful, smile on her face.

"Mama?"

"She said she wanted to come over to talk to me. Wanted it to be in person. I think I might have ruined anything I might ever have had with her, but at least she wants to tell me in person."

"When's she coming over?"

"Right now, actually."

If Gary actually left as soon as we hung up, got on a flight in the minimum time that TSA would allow, and had basically no luggage, I had almost four hours until he could possibly arrive. That would mean I had to help Mama resolve her love life, or simply console her after Beth left, and somehow tell her that Gary would be here and for her to be on her best behavior all before ten o'clock.

Somehow, I thought that Gary had the easier time of it.

<3  <3  <3
I went to answer the door when it rang fifteen minutes later. Mama was in the lounge, hyperventilating. The woman, who I assumed was Beth, was dressed in a severe business suit, that somehow made her look even more feminine than if she were wearing a dress of any sort.

"Who are you?" she asked. Before I could even formulate a response she continued, "No matter. I have something to say to your girlfriend. She called me. I'm not sneaking around behind anyone's back, especially not some flighty little teenager like you."

"I don't think you understand…"

She looked at me with a slight cock of an eyebrow, "Honey, I've been where you are now. Hell, I've been you. So let me in to see Felicity, and then I'll get out of both of your hair."

This woman was a force of nature. She was also a bit dense, but if Mama liked her, then who was I to judge. I really hoped it hadn't been the booze talking in the past, but if Mama really was going to make a clean start of it, then I had to let her make her own decisions.

"Felicity!" Beth called out as I led her to the Lounge. "Wasn't it a little cruel to have your slip of a girlfriend try to do your dirty work?"

Mama looked at me, standing behind Beth in the door way, I just shrugged and put my hand over my mouth. Mama laughed.

"Beth…"

"No, don't try to explain. I thought I would come over here and tell you my side of events from when you just left me. I thought there might be something between us. I loved you, damn it."

"Loved…"

"Well, I guess me being so angry at seeing you with a teenager, I mean is she even legal?"

"I'm twenty-four."

"Tell me another one, sister."

I handed her my driver's license. She looked at it, with a smile that suddenly fled from her face. She looked at me, and then at the picture again, and then at me. She went pale and I barely helped her to a chair before she collapsed.

"Oh, my…David Lowell. Your David…and I suggested…and I called him a…"

"Well, you were right about me being a Woman, not about being a teen."

"But it says here…and the name David…didn't you go as Donna?"

"Mama liked the name, I never did. Let me leave so the two of you…"

"No, honey. Stay here please. Beth, you had something to tell me?"

"No, I should go. I've made a fool of myself."

"Any more than I did when I kissed you?"

"You would have hated me in the morning. I couldn't have stopped at just kissing you."

"I wouldn't have wanted you to. And I could never hate you. I would have had another reason to hate myself, but I would never have hated you."

"You might have begun to resent me, and that's worse."

Mama got up and went over and sat on Beth's lap. I've never thought of my mother as a small woman, but Beth made her look petite. "Beth, I would never resent you. I could never…"

I'm not sure who started the kiss, but both of them participated. It wasn't a kiss full of passion, although I'm sure that both of them were capable of it. It also wasn't the sort of kiss you give a sibling or passing acquaintance.

It was a kiss that makes your heart swell and a feeling of contentment well up inside. It was like sunshine through the clouds or a beautiful vista in the mist.

It was a glade filled with wildflowers deep in the midst of a dark forest.

And it was my mom, so I really didn't want to be there while it was happening. I felt, suddenly, as if I were intruding on something pure and gigantic and deep and, above all else, private.

I got up to leave and tripped over the rug, bumping the coffee table. If I hadn't I'm sure they would have continued to this very day. Or at least I like to think so. It was a very 'aw' worthy moment.

"David, don't go. I really would like you to meet Beth."

"There's time for that later," I said, looking toward the door.

"Felicity…maybe we shouldn't. It's like I said before; I know you. I want this relationship to work, and for that I need to respect your feelings and beliefs."

"But, your feelings are just as important."

Beth cupped Mama's face, and Mama pressed into it like a cat, rubbing against her hand. "I can wait, Felicity. Everything that's worth having in this world is worth waiting for. You've taught me that. Before I met you I hadn't had a single relationship that lasted more than a few months. I ruined them by rushing into the physical aspects before really getting to know the other person and accepting them for who they are.

"I've been with you for eleven years now…"

"We haven't…"

"Yes, we have. You haven't dated anyone else I know of, and I haven't dated anyone else period."

"I haven't…"

Beth just smiled at Mama and put her thumb across Mama's lips. "It's okay, Felicity. I wasn't questioning your fidelity." Mama smiled into the thumb. She opened her mouth to take a bite of it, or something, and Beth pulled it away.

"Mama?"

"Yes, David?" Mama said in a dreamy, far away voice.

A thought had occurred to me, listening to Beth describe the fidelity with which the two of them approached their relationship. "Is it some legal binding that's important or that you witness to yourselves and your friends publicly that you are together and one of heart, mind, and soul?"

"The latter, I guess, but they come together as one and the same, don't they?"

I smiled at the two of them. It wouldn't be a perfect answer, especially not in Florida, but it would be an answer.

"Mama, what if you had a ceremony, but not a legal one."

"I'm not doing anything illegal, David."

"Wait, Felicity, I think your son has a point…"

"Daughter," my mom and I said at the same time. I laughed, and she just smiled.

"Regardless, your daughter has a point. We could gather with friends and family in a place of our choosing. We could write our vows. We wouldn't even need anyone to officiate. We would bind ourselves together with something more powerful than the law."

"And what is that?" Mama said, gazing in wonder into the eyes of her love.

"Our own word. I know you're a truthful person, and I hope you know the same about me."

"Beth, there's something I have to do first, before I could commit to you fully and without reservations."

"What's that?" Beth looked a little worried.

"Will you help me get sober?"

The look of complete shock on Beth's face probably matched my own. Mama had, in the past, tried to stop drinking, for a day or two. She's always said that it was something she could, and would, do on her own.

For her to actually ask for help made me think that she might actually be willing to really work at it this time.

"No, Felicity. I won't."

"Beth?" Mama looked at the woman in a panic.

"I will, however, help you find a support group. I won't become your taskmaster before I become your wife."

"Beth?" Mama said, looking at the other woman in wonder.

"Felicity Jane Lowell, will you marry me?"

I began to cry as I watched Mama just nod at her fiancée. They kissed again, but this time it was a lot uncomfortable. I walked out of the room, quietly this time, and left them to their own devices.

I felt the familiar ache in my chest. I'd never had anyone who cared about me the way that Mama and Beth cared about each other. Gary was a really nice guy…

Shit, Gary. He was going to be here in no less than…two and a half hours…and Mama still didn't know he was coming. I walked to the door way to the room, without peeking in. I could hear soft sounds, and a moan or two, coming from within.

Blushing to the tips of my toes, I decided to go to the other side of the house…and put on my headphones…and listed to some loud music or something.

The music didn't help.

Sure, it shut out the world, but it didn't shut off my mind. For the first time in a while, I began to fantasize. These were more than the simple, happy, fantasies I had as a teen. These involved Gary slowly undressing me, kissing me…I could feel my heart begin to race a little.

I got up and got into the shower and turned it on cold. What was wrong with me?

Shivering, I got out of the shower and dried off. I lay down on my bed, still shivering, and closed my eyes. Before I knew it, I'd fallen asleep.

<3  <3  <3
"David…"

A voice from a dream was calling to me. Without opening my eyes, wanting to stay asleep for as long as I could, I languidly lifted my arms up in front of me. They wrapped around the neck of the person who was there and I just smiled.

"David…"

I felt arms move around my back. This was the best dream I'd ever had. I felt my heart race, and a goofy grin appeared on my face.

"Hi." I mumbled, still wanting to stay with the dream. I could deal with being awake later. Right now a guy was holding me.

"Dav…"

I leaned up and kissed my dream…only to finally realize that there really was a guy holding me and I was now kissing him. I opened up my eyes in shock just as Gary started kissing me back. I put my hands against his chest, with the intent of pushing him away, but in the time that I took to move my arms that short distance I melted. It felt as if all of the muscles in my body just relaxed, and he was holding me against him.

The kiss lasted until the sun burnt out and all the stars faded away. It was a mere moment.

It changed everything.

I finally woke to what I was doing, really awakened. I gently pushed Gary back and he lay me back down on the bed, only then releasing my lips from their prison of flesh.

"Gary?"

"Your Mom let me in. I hope that's ok?"

"Tell him it's fine, sweetie."

"Mama!" I said with an incredulous tone. She had a goofy smile on her face, matched by the one on Beth's. The both stood there, arms around each other.

Since the decision to be the woman I was, I'd spent a lot of time blushing. This was by far the worst, as I think even my hair blushed this time. I hid my face in my hands. It also did a good job of hiding my smile. I wanted to squeal. I wanted to laugh.

Gary kissed me.

I'd never been kissed like that in my entire life. It was as if I finally came to life the moment his lips touched mine.

"David, are you naked?"

Ok, my blush, somehow, got worse. I felt like I had a literal sunburn.

"Ok, Valentino. Let my daughter get dressed while the two of us have a little chat."

Mama left me there, but Beth stayed behind.

"Your Mama is looking out for your virtue. I figure you need someone to talk to about this?" She made a gesture in the direction that Gary had escaped into.

"Oh my, god. Now I know why Sleeping Beauty woke up, and it has nothing to do with love." I fanned myself with a hand. My body still felt like it was burning up, and I only now really admitted to myself that it was only partially with embarrassment.

"He's kinda good looking, isn't he?"

"Beth…I though…"

"Doesn't mean I can't recognize when a guy is hot. I mean you recognize a beautiful woman, don't you?"

I nodded sheepishly.

"Well, alright then. So…he kissed you?"

"And I kissed him back. I thought my heart was going to explode."

"At least nothing else did," she said looking down.

"Beth! Not that it really could. No puberty, remember."

"So, you doing something about that? It's really not healthy."

"I am doing something, finally. I got a hormone shot on Friday."

"Won't that interfere? You know, with you becoming the woman you are inside?"

"Huh? Oh, no, I mean I got a shot of Estrogen."

"Good for you. So, I wanted to talk to you, seriously for a moment. About your mom and me."

"I'm perfectly fine…"

"Oh, I have no doubt about that. No, I wanted to know if you really think it would work…I mean be a good idea."

"You've been together for eleven years, and you're asking that now?"

"Well, yes, we've been exclusive for eleven years, but she never told you about me until now. That worries me."

I sighed, and looked at Beth sadly. "You both really need each other. Don't let me come between you again."

"What?"

"I blamed my Mom's sexuality for her trying to force me to be a girl."

"What…but you are…"

"Yes, but I wouldn't be forced into it, no one should. I thought she was upset at Dad…"

"Who is a transvestite…"

"I know that…now. Then, I thought she was so angry at 'that man' for leaving her that she would do anything to erase the masculinity from our home. That she'd just come out to all her friends only made it worse."

"You have to realize…"

"This isn't about me for the moment. It's about what I did, yes, but it's about you too."

"How?"

"I told mom, when I was sixteen, that I didn't believe her. That she couldn't be a lesbian because I was proof she could love a man. I told her…I told her some pretty awful things. The short of it is that I was planning a truly hateful thing if she ever brought a woman home, or if I ever found out she'd been on a date." I was sobbing by the time that I got to the end. I knew that she would hate me.

I didn't expect her to wrap me in her arms.

"Sweetie…shh. It's okay. I personally thought she went too far with the pageant. That's what caused the problem?"

I shook my head, "No, it's not. Someday, maybe I'll tell you the story, but it's what happened after the pageant that caused the problem."

She looked at me with a questioning look, but I just shook my head.

"It's a really long story."

"When you're ready," she said.

I took a deep breath…and got out of bed to get dressed. I threw on a pair of panties and then a sky-blue silk sheath dress. Since Gary was on the table of discussion, I might as well put on something that made me look more feminine.

I sat down in a chair opposite Beth and I thought for a moment.

"Take your time," she said with a smile.

So, I told her the story.