The service was Friday. I'm glad his mother didn't live to see this day. How I'd failed my only child… how I'd destroyed our wonderful son. I will be alone in my shame and sadness for the rest of my existence.

I put him in a box on Sunday. His football pads that smelled of healthy teenage boy, his grassed-stained soccer cleats, the aluminum bat he hit his first home run with. A life full of trophies. A life full of trying to please the old man. He excelled at every sport, every activity...my son. All state, All region, U.I.L. champion. In so many things my son was near superhuman. My folly; never seeing him or listening to him. He tried to tell me once, maybe twice, but I didn't get it. More stuff in the box; model cars I had bought him done to perfection, ball caps from different teams. His black leather Tommy jacket; a gift from me for his excellent grades.

His keys to the pickup I got him; a used Dodge but in good condition. It’s still in the driveway. I suppose I should do something with it, maybe sell it I guess? His many teammates were at the service; his many friends from school. But she was the only one I didn't want to see. Jennifer looked at me with contempt but said nothing. She knew my hurt because she truly knew him; he trusted her… loved her more than me and rightly so. He is packed away now; a life so full of promise, and potential gone in seconds. A horrible waste and a lesson learned too late. In so many boxes, I will finish tomorrow. I can’t face the rest just yet.

I put her in a box today; a small box, a single box. Her few pieces of jewelry from her mom. I know the pieces; I had bought them for her mother years ago. Some pink fuzzy pajamas with Pepe Le Pew on them. I have no idea where she got this stuff; probably with the help of the only friend who knew her. A red floor-length nightgown of silk and lace; so pretty and delicate. I imagine she must have looked like her mother with the honey blond hair to her shoulders. I never saw her. I never paid attention, some green running shorts and purple and white lady Nikes. A few tops; a pair of low-rise jeans.

The most precious item of course her diary; a pale yellow with sunflowers on the cover. This is where I found out about her. Her hopes and dreams, thoughts of boys. Secrets kept by her best friend forever. Passages about disappointing her father; not being able to live the life the parent wanted. Wishing only for affection and a loving embrace from her daddy. And finally a copy of the note she left me.

Dear dad.

I have got to tell you why. I am not Gavin; I am not your son. I am Genevieve your daughter, I have known for years, longer than I can remember. I tried to tell you several times but you didn't listen, you were always bragging about something I had done. I just could not keep living this lie, I was out to Jennifer she was my best friend you thought she was my girlfriend and in a sense she was. It just got too heavy…the weight; the scholarships came in; A&M football, and Corps of Cadets. I just can’t do it, and if I said no you would push me. All I want in life is to be Ginny I know you would never understand. So I can’t stay. Better to be a fallen hero than an embarrassment to you. I'm sorry, but maybe I can see mom. I'm so sorry I can’t be the son you want. There are some things that I want Jennifer to have they are in the envelope. Goodbye dad. I hope you don't hate me.

Love, your daughter Ginny.

I never knew Ginny. I never got the chance to love her, and now she is gone. I will carry the regret of my choices for the rest of my life. Goodbye my beautiful daughter. I hope you find peace.

I put my heart in a box today and sealed it forever.