Previously:

“Alright,” said Rose “Lets have look at what Doctor Ryan has sent me in his letter of referral.”

The doctor took of her glasses and looked at me and said “My goodness Jim is right. I can't see a boy in front of me.”

Doctor San-lee put me at ease as soon as she started talking to me.

She said, “Now Carla, I want you to call me Rose alright?”

“Yes ma'am err Rose. Thank you,” I replied.

Mum said, “Rose I want to thank you for seeing Carla so quickly.”

Rose said, “As a psychiatrist I am especially interested in cases like Carla's because of the twin factor.”

Mum replied, “I see Jim Ryan didn't leave anything out of his letter to you.”

“No. I have known Jim since university, He is a very dedicated man to his patients, and sometimes I wish he and Jan weren’t so far away. Anyway to the business in hand, Carla! I need you to tell me in your own words what you feel inside you, so I can start to sort out your young life.”

“Well, it sort of started when I was about four years old when my sister Rita used to play dress up with me.”

I told her all that I could remember about how my brother and dad treated me, and that, although I was supposed to be a boy, when Rita looked after me I always felt wrong in boys clothes. I stayed away from my brother as much as possible because he would always tease me and threatened to tell Dad about Rita and me going to the workmen's empty quarters to play dress up. When I got a little bit older Rita would take me for walks to my twin sister's grave while I was dressed as a girl. Mum always told us not to let my Dad see us when I was dressed in Rita's old dresses.

“He would have belted us both,” I said, “Mum, I was really scared of John and Dad and I thought he would hurt you too.”

Mum had tears running down her cheeks which set me off as well. She came and sat next to me and took my hands in hers and said “Darling, I know how hard this is for you. Would like to stop for a while?”

I couldn't answer because I was sobbing now.

Rose said “Alright, we all need a break.” Tears were in her eyes as well. She got up and opened the door to the receptionist area and asked someone to organise tea and cakes for us. All three of us went to the bathroom attached to the office and washed our faces. By the time we came back into the office there was a lady arranging three tea cups and saucers and a plate of cup cakes on a small table beside the chairs.

Rose said “Donna, you have a very intelligent daughter, and yes, Carla has a "female" brain. What we have to do is sort out the obvious. How long can you both stay in Brisbane, Donna?”

“A week is all we can manage at the moment. I have just opened up a restaurant in Quilpie and left Rita in charged of the kitchen.”

Rose said, “That's fine. We can get a lot done in that time. Carla, I'm afraid you will feel like a pin cushion by the time you go home.”

She rang the pathology lab in the same building, and arranged for me to give them gallons of blood. Mum accompanied me to the lab which was on the ground floor. I was getting used to using the lifts and knew how to operate them on my own now.

They took three vials of blood, and then gave me some type of very sweet stuff to drink. After waiting for an hour they took another gallon out of my other arm. By this time I started to feel quite weak and was told by a nurse to go into the other room and lie down on the bed. Mum went out to a cafeteria on the same floor to get me some sandwiches and a soft drink. When she come back I must have fallen asleep because she was gently stroking my hair.

“Wake up sweetheart. You have to have something to eat and drink, or you will end up with an enormous headache, but fluids will make you feel better in a little while.”

We were told we could go home for now and they would send the results to Doctor San-lee later that day. We went back up to the doctors receptionist to find out when to come back.

The receptionist said “Oh I’m sorry I forgot to tell you before you went down to the lab Your appointment is at ten am tomorrow.
”
Mum looked at the name tag on the girls top and said, “Thank you Cindy we'll see you then.”

I was still feeling a bit wobbly, so we didn't take a bus like we were going to. Mum found a public phone in the foyer and called Tony to come in his taxi to take us back to the hotel.

Tony arrive within five minutes and said, “'Geeze' Donna! If this keeps up I’ll have to take you home and meet the missus to have a meal, 'Italian style' mind.”

Mum replied “Tony I think I might take you up on that, I'd like to meet your wife.”

Tony said “You have my phone number. What is the number on your phone in your room at Belleville?”

Mum said, “Eighty silly!”

Tom laughed and said “Of course it is, I knew that. Just testing to see if you were paying attention Donna!".

This banter kept up all the way back to the hotel. 'Oldies are funny' I thought.

Mum told Tony to pick us up again in the morning for my next stint with Doctor Rose.

When we got back to the hotel room, Helen was getting dressed to go down for lunch in the dining room. Mum said we would join her in a few minutes after we freshened up a bit. Just as we were about to leave, the phone on the desk rang and made us both jump.

It was Tony. He said if we could make it for lunch tomorrow with him and his wife that would be great.
Mum said yes we would be honoured to and would it be alright if we bring Helen along as well?

“Of course! There is always room for another one at 'Isabella's' table,” he replied.

We went down to the dining room and saw Helen wave to us to come over to the table she had commandeered for us. We had our lunch and the three of us went up to the room to have a nap. I slept for a couple of hours. When I woke up and looked at Mum's little travel clock, it was three o'clock, so I got up and went to the bathroom and relieved my full bladder. When I came back into the bedroom I realised I was alone and panicked. There was a note on the desk next to the phone. I picked it up with shaky hands and read what Mum had written.

'Carla don't panic. We have gone for a walk. Stay in the room and watch some tv till we come back.'

I went to the little fridge and got a can of Coke and turned on the tv. About half an hour later Mum and Helen were back from their walk and were carrying some shopping bags and put them on the bed.

Mum said “Did you have a nice nap Missy?”

“Yerr. They must have drained too much blood out of me this morning and made me weak.”

Helen said “Carla honey you are a funny little thing aren’t you?” and laughed.

I didn't get the joke.

“Carla, while we were out walking we came across a second-hand clothes shop and had a look inside. Well as you can see we brought some really nice things back for you to try on. We can take them back and exchange them if they don't fit you.”

“Mum, does that make me a second-hand rose?”

“No darling, just an inexpensive one,” she laughed.

Helen said “Any wonder Ricky likes you so much Carla - you have made him come out of his shell since you befriended him.”

“Yeah he's my boyfriend.”

Mum said, “Err- um you're a bit young to call him your boyfriend - maybe good friends, hmmm?”

“Yeah Mummy, whatever.” I said rolling my eyes.

Helen said, “I’m going to miss this banter when I get back home.”

I said “You can always adopt me and take me home if you want.”

After Mum and Helen controlled themselves from laughing, Mum said, “Right kid strip off to your undies and lets see what fits you.”

“Ok Mummy,”I said. For some reason I started to feel more like a girl when I called her Mummy.

“Carla sweetheart I don't mind you calling me Mummy. It makes me realise how much of a little girl you really are.”

“Thanks Mummy.” I said, getting used to the sound of it.

Helen was smiling at me and nodding her head in approval.

“Alright enough of the this love in! And start trying on some of these skirts and blouses.”

There were two denim skirts, one blue and one pink with lace around the hem, I liked that they had elastic bands instead of belt loops. The next skirt was a silky pink with white flowers embroidered onto it. Mummy knows how much I like pink. The fit was perfect on all three skirts. Next came the blouses. Two were white and one yellow. All had puffy sleeves and v-neck openings.

I said “Mummy, these have still got new tags on them.”

“Yes dear. They are all factory seconds but are new.”

There was also an assortment of ribbons and a nice pair of flats and red sandals.

“Wow Mummy! Can I wear the pink skirt and yellow blouse tomorrow when we go to the see Doctor Rose?”

“Yes Carla. You like you new clothes then?”

I don’t know why but I started to cry and ran into Mummy's waiting arms.

She held me and said, “Darling let your emotions come out.” and she stroked my hair till I stopped crying. She said, you can have a good talk to the doctor in the morning. Later we had dinner delivered to our room. We watched a move on the tv, and went to bed after that.

Next morning after Tony once again delivered us safely to our destination, he reminded us about having lunch at his place when he picked us up later. Helen came with us as far as the medical building and said she was going to have some more retail therapy and buy herself some more things.

In the lift going up to the eighth floor I started to tremble and couldn't stop. The lift stopped and the door opened. The Doctor's reception area was directly opposite the lift so Mum half carried me through the door and asked Cindy to see if Rose could come and calm me down. Cindy buzzed the doctors office and Rose came out straight away

She said “My God, what has brought this on Carla?”

I was holding on to Mummy and couldn’t get any words out and started to cry.

Mummy said , “I think she is having a panic attack.”

Rose said “Bring her in to my surgery and lay her down on the couch Donna”

The doctor jabbed me with a needle and I seemed float into a dream, and there she was - my sister Jean, still in that beautiful blue and white gown. She was not in that green field as before but seemed to be in the room with me.

I said “Jean what are you doing here?” with my voice not in my mind.

“Carla I'm here to comfort you. Now when you wake up from this dream please be calm.”

“But I can hear you speak. So are you in this room? Can Mummy see you too?”

“No Carla only you and I have this connection, and in time you will learn how to talk to me any time you want to.”

“Jean I have so many questions to ask you.”

“Not now my sister. Now be calm.”

Jean started to fade and I woke up with a start. Mummy was still holding me and she said, “Hello sweetheart. Are we back in the land of the living then?”

“Mummy Jean is here in this room.”

“Well I didn't see her, but I heard the one side conversation you were obviously having with her.”

“I can hear her speak. She told me to be calm and said in time I will be able to talk with her any time I want, and then I woke up.”

Mummy said, “I wish I could see her like you can Carla. She is the other half of you.”

“Mummy she said the connection is only with me.”

As this was happening Rose was listening to every thing I was saying and had a tape recorder going.

Doctor Rose said, “Carla I’m sorry I had to give an injection to help calm you down, but you were about to have a seizure.”

She then said, “Donna this is a fascinating case and it is going to make a very interesting case study in a research project on twins that I’m involved in”

Mummy replied “Rose, does that mean you will help my child become who she is on the inside as well as a matching body?”

“Yes Donna, and to make it easy I will give my time for free,- as long as you agree to let me to call in other people for my study, and I will want to publish a paper on it. Now young Missy, if you have calmed down I want you to tell your Mum when you are about to go into panic mode so she can calm you down before it gets to the stage it did this morning.”

“Yes ma'am, Rose," I said.

“Ok, all the tests are in and it is just as we expected you are more girl than boy. I suspect your twin had something to do with that while you were still in your Mummy's tummy. So when I talk to some of my colleges in a couple of days I will work out a course of action.”

Mummy said “So what happens now Rose? We have to get back home before next Monday.”

“Well,” Rose said, “There is nothing I can do till I do the necessary research and that might take a few days so you may as well go home, - I will contact Jim Ryan and get him to deal with any medication once I decide what that will be.”

Mummy said, “When will we need to come back to Brisbane, Rose?”

“Donna, I will let Jim know when to make the next appointment to come back down to see me.”

Rose gave Mummy a hug, and then hugged me and said “Now you remember what I told you about your panic attacks, ok?”

We said our goodbyes and went down to the lobby to ring Tony to pick us up. Helen was sitting in a lounge area in the lobby with some more shopping bags. Tony arrived soon after and we left to go to his home for lunch.

Mummy said “Tony what is your surname?”

Tony laughed and replied “Bagla. Nice and easy, eh?”

Mummy and Helen laughed and both said at the same time “Italian”

Tony said “Yep but born and bred in Brissi”

“What about you Carla, where were you born?”

“On River Downs,” I replied.

“That's a sheep station isn't it?”

“Yeah and my twin is still there in the peace and quiet.”

“What? She's not living with you then?”

“Yer, she is sorta,” I said. Tony knew straight away what I was talking about.

He said “Carla, I have a sister I lost when I was ten years old and I still feel her spirit around
me thirty years later.”

I said “Was she your twin like my sister Jean?”

“No Carla, she was a year older than me - but we were very close. Me and Anna did everything together. I still miss her very much even after all this time.”

“I see Jean in my dreams and she communicates with me — but she is not a baby like when she died. She looks just like me and sounds like me too.”

Tony said “Dual souls Carla, that's what identical means. Shared spirit if you like. There have been studies done on the subject for years”

Mummy said, “That is what is about to happen in Carla's case Tony. Doctor San—lee has offered to treat Carla for free as long as we agreed that she could write a paper on the findings that she and her colleagues are conducting.

Tony looked at me as I was sitting in the front seat beside him and said, “Carla you don’t seem to look to sick to me, in fact you look the picture of health.”

I looked around at Mummy and she shrugged her shoulders, “Carla you have to deal with questions like this in the future. “Tony is a friend and I think we can trust him don’t you?”

I took a deep breath and said, “Um err Tony I am a girl with a plumbing problem and don’t look like a proper girl down there.” I was feeling really hot in the face and must have been as red as beetroot.

Tony replied, “Is that all Carla? They can fix that no worries. I have a couple of transsexual friends in the taxi business, not bad lookin' sheilas either.”

Mummy said “Thank you Tony. Not everyone will be able to be told so openly. Carla is going to need to be very careful who she tells about her little problem.”

“Well!” said Tony “You will be fine Carla, I don’t see anything but a pretty little girl sitting next to me.”

I looked around at Mummy and Helen in the back and they both winked at me. Tony started to slow down and turn into a big old house with a golden retriever dog sitting at the bottom of the steps wagging its tail. Tony said “She won't bite but will probably want to patted by everyone before she sits down again.” which is exactly what happened.

We walked up the stairs and followed Tony through the big house. It was almost as big as Daddy's house back in Quilpie. When we reached the kitchen Tony's wife Isabella was setting the big table in the adjoining dining room. She was a short plump dark haired woman and looked very Italian.

She spoke perfect Aussie English and said “Well hello everyone. I'm Isabella but Bella is what this guy calls me,” and she gave him a hug and kiss.

Tony said “These are the bushies I've, been carting about for the last couple of days Bella. This is Donna and Helen, and of course the pretty little squirt is Carla.

It was more a dinner than lunch with lamb roast and baked veges and ice-cream for desert. Mummy and Bella swapped recipes while Tony and Helen talked about his sister Anna. I went downstairs and talked to Goldie the retriever.

We said goodbye to Bella, and and made our way back to Tony's taxi. I said 'bye to Goldie and told her to be a good dog and I'd see her next time we are in Brisbane. She wagged her tail and licked my hand

“Right” said Tony “Let's get this show on the road.”

Tony was making his way back to our hotel and said, “Donna, Bella said to tell you next time your down you could stay with us if you want, I think she has taken quite a shine to you.”

Mummy said “As long as we pay our way that sounds great Tony.”

Just as Tony turned into a street that had tram tracks his taxi went off to the centre of the road. There was a tram coming towards us and a big truck pulled out of a side street. I heard a lot of screeching of tyres then metal crunching. I felt like I was being pushed against the door from Tony's side of the car then there was something warm running down the back of my head.

I was dreaming and Jean was holding my hand. I said, “Why am I in bed talking with you Jean? I don’t remember going to bed”

To be continued.

Next time: waking up in a strange room''

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