Kwan was just trying to be who she was

Chapter 3

Stacee led Kwan’s parents to her office. “Please, sit down. Can I get you anything? Coffee or tea perhaps? I’m making some tea for myself, so it’s really no trouble”

“I’ll have some herbal tea if you have some, please. It helps me calm down and after what I just saw, I could use it” replied Jung.

Justin just shook his head. “I’m good”

“Wonderful! I have an herbal blend you’ll just love. I really hate drinking alone, but I could use something right now, and I don’t drink alcohol” Stacee laughed nervously.

As she prepared the tea she gathered her thoughts. “Justin, Jung, when I agreed to see Kwan, I was being a bit selfish. Cases of Gender Dysphoria in a child as young as Kwan are very rare. I say rare, not because I believe they are truly rare, but because they aren’t brought to the attention of professionals this early. It says a lot about you as parents that you cared enough to explore this possibility”

Jung nodded. “Thank you, Stacee, but truthfully, I never considered the possibility until a social worker investigating Kwan’s accident suggested it”

“Really. Who was it?”

“Her name was…drat! I have her card” she pulled the card out of her purse. Here it is. Lorraine Ringdahl”

Stacee recognized the name immediately. Lorraine was a patient of hers who began her male to female transition as a fifteen year old. “Lorraine? I know her. She’s a good friend of mine. She’s very smart, and has a load of common sense” Lorraine had been responsible for getting help for three girls who were now living productive lives. Girls that had been on the brink of suicide when she rescued them from horrible family situations.

Jung continued. “Well, she seemed to know something about this problem, so we followed up. Jung turned to her husband and grabbed his hand. Justin has been so wonderful through this. He was the one who arranged all of this”

Justin looked a bit embarrassed. “I just want Kwan to be happy, and now I know he isn’t”

“Justin, can you tell me a bit about yourself? What were you like as a child?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I guess a normal kid. I liked sports, playing outside, riding bikes. Getting into trouble. Things boys do”

“What do you mean, ‘things boys do’?”

Justin scratched his head, thinking. “Heck, Stacee, I don’t know. We didn’t care about girls. We just had fun exploring and doing new things”

Stacee nodded as she took notes. “I’m not grilling you, Justin. I am genuinely curious, and it will help me understand the environment Kwan lives in”

“I understand, but what does what I did as a kid have any bearing on Kwan?”

“I’ll get to that later. What about later, during your later teen and early adult years?”

“Well, I played baseball in high school. I was good enough to get a scholarship to Cal Berkeley. Dated a little, but I wasn’t one to try to get girls to bed. It just didn’t seem right. I kept thinking what I would have done if my sisters ran into someone like that. I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’”

“Interesting. When did you meet Jung?”

“Well, she’s seven years younger than me, but a lot older in a lot of ways that count. I had graduated from college and gotten a job working in the same company her dad worked. I ended up in the same department as her dad, and we hit it off. He invited me to his home and I met Jung. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I had never met someone like her”

“I talked to her dad soon thereafter. I told him I would like to ask Jung for a date, but I wouldn’t do it without his blessing. I even asked her mom and dad to come with us as often as they wished. That seemed to work, but I didn’t do it to score points. I knew that she was the girl I wanted to marry”

Jung was smiling at her husband. She added “And we got married as soon as I graduated from high school”

Stacee turned to Jung. “And you wanted this?”

“Oh yes! I never wanted to be a career girl. It may seem old fashioned, but my mom was there for me growing up, and I wanted to do the same for my children. I just wanted to be a mommy. It seemed more important to raise good children than to have another car or things. Justin made enough money, so it never was an issue. Some of my girlfriends growing up don’t understand, but that’s okay. I’m truly happy”

“You had Kwan at nineteen?”

“Yes, and it was the happiest day of my life. Justin and I brought a baby into this world!”

Stacee could see that the two were genuine. If there was an ideal situation to raise a child, this was it, on the outside. She decided to probe deeper.

“Do you two ever argue?”

Justin laughed. “Doesn’t everyone? I can be a jerk sometimes and she can be a baby girl. But we have tried to live by the motto ‘never let the sun go down on your anger’. So we make up and get things straight before we go to bed. Sometimes, we don’t get a lot of sleep after making up”

Jung gasped, blushing furiously. “Justin! Stop it! You’re embarrassing me!”

Justin was smiling from ear to ear, a smile that Stacee could see was one of the reasons Jung loved him so. “No need to be embarrassed, Jung. You’re a very lucky woman, believe me”

“See, I told you honey!”

Jung rolled her eyes. “What…ever!”

“And you are very lucky to have Jung, Justin”

“Don’t I know it, Stacee. I feel like I’m the most blessed guy on Earth. I look forward to coming home every day, and she makes that possible. I’d do anything for that lady”

Stacee was watching Jung’s eyes. Her eyes told the story. Jung watched her husband with unfeigned respect and love.

“Does Justin run the show, Jung?”

“I don’t know what you mean. He’s the leader, I suppose, but I keep the books, pay the bills and basically run the house. He makes decisions based on the information I give him. I help him, he helps me”

“You don’t feel like he pushes you around?”

“Heavens no. He asks me if we can afford to do this or that. We’re partners. There’s no other way to say it”

Stacee noticed that Jung’s hand never left Justin’s. These two were almost ridiculously well matched. The therapist thought that she and her husband could take a lesson from these two in getting along. There seemed to be no outward indicators of any condition that would cause a boy to think he was a girl.

They continued for another thirty minutes, going over more details of their family life. It was a veritable Rockwell painting of a life. All of the factors were coalescing in her mind. Stacee had come to a decision.

“Justin, Jung. Based on what I have learned in my interviews with you and Kwan. My medical and professional opinion is that it would be in everyone’s best interest to allow Kwan to present as a female for now. He, rather, she, has indicated that she would like to be called Hyun Ae, the name you picked for a daughter, had she been born a girl. Do either of you disagree?”

“No” was the answer from both parents.

“This will be a difficult road for the three of you in the time to come. In some ways, it will be the most rewarding. Kwan isn’t dying. So don’t mourn. Kwan never really existed. It was always Hyun Ae. Do you understand that?”

Jung’s face was streaked with tears. “Did we do anything to cause this?”

“No. No you didn’t, and don’t ever think otherwise. Somehow, Hyun’s brain was wired ‘girl’. We don’t know how or why. By starting this process early, we can decipher if this is really a permanent condition or if it is just a phase. I don’t believe in phases”

Justin said quietly. “We’re following you, Stacee”

“Good. By starting this process early, Hyun will have a female puberty, and, based on her bone structure and heredity, she will be a very attractive girl, which will make her interactions with her peer group less stressful, as she will have been a girl for such a long time”

“How do we do this, Stacee? I don’t know if we can. It’s so much to take in”

“I’ll be with you every step of the way. I’ll also be documenting this process. You won’t owe me a dime, do you understand? When I publish this case, it will more than make up the investment”

“I know we’ve talked about this, but you won’t identify her, will you?”

“Of course not. These case studies are always anonymous unless you decide to allow her name to be used. This study will help countless other people in the same boat you’re in”

“That’s good. At least others will be helped”

“Hyun Ae will benefit the most. She will be the person she is meant to be. She can’t help it any more than you, Justin, could help doing what you did as a child. It was just natural behavior”

“I’m beginning to see. I guess I would have been miserable if I was forced to wear dresses and play with dolls”

Stacee clapped her hands with excitement. “Exactly! Right on the first try! You get it perfectly. Don’t lose that perspective. You were fortunate enough be born with the correct plumbing. Hyun wasn’t. Therein lies the problem. If Hyun Ae had been born with a vagina, this isn’t an issue. One genetic oops, and it is. Our minds are who we are. It’s the ghost in the machine, so to speak”

“I see!” said Jung. “We’ve been approaching this wrong”

“I try to avoid right and wrong judgments. We doctors in the mind business try to approach the mind with the thought we can fix everything. Hyun has a penis. Therefore he is a boy. Her mind says different? Too bad. I’m trying to change that. Hyun will help me do that”

Justin stood. “Okay, Doc. Let’s go get our little girl”

Stacee got on the intercom. “Shawn, bring little Hyun Ae to my office”

A moment later, Hyun Ae was escorted into the office by Shawn. She was carrying a juice box and a half eaten cookie. She got a big smile on her face when she saw her parents. “Mommy! I like this place! Miss Shawn gave me a cookie and juice!”

Jung held her hands out, and Hyun ran to her. Justin noticed she didn’t acknowledge him. He understood why now. Hopefully this would change things.

Jung noticed the slight as well. “That’s wonderful, honey. Don’t you want to thank daddy for bringing us here?”

“Thank you, daddy. It’s been fun”

Stacee smiled at Hyun. “So, Hyun Ae, do you like my office”

“Uh huh! You have nice toys and I love cookies and juice!”

“Well what would you say if I told you that you would be coming to see me once a week?”

“Really? That would be awesome!” She looked at her mother. “Can I, mommy?”

“You bet, Hyun Ae”

“Wait, mommy. You called me Hyun Ae? Why?”

“That’s your new name, honey. You see, we’ve been wrong about who you are, daddy and me. It seems you were right all along. You are a girl”

Hyun looked at her mother and father, trying to see if they were joking. She then burst into tears. This time they were tears of joy.

When Dr. Stacee Abney felt doubts about what she was doing in the future, she vowed to remember this moment. Then she reached for a tissue.

To be continued