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“Nope.” I shook my head and dismissed that one.

“Oh, no damned way!” I almost shouted after looking at the next one.

“That I can do.” I sent a bit of the power I now had out to handle that one.

“You need to go talk to (insert god or goddess of choice) about that one. Out of my bailiwick, I'm afraid.” I did send a quick -kind of note — to the deity I'd sent that one to.

Man, this goddess thing was tough, and a pain in the posterior. And I'd probably end up owing said deity something in return. Sigh.

But if people were asking me to help — which they were — and I could do something about it? Much as it pained me, I was going to do it for them.

Like I said, this goddess thing is a pain. Especially since I still don't know what I'm the goddess OF.

Choosing that one is going to be something I don't really think I have all that much to say about. Something will come up, then I'll be set into a nice, comfortable niche. Grrr. The more I think about it being goddess of insanity doesn't seem so bad. If I was considered insane my slip ups wouldn't seem so bad.

Then it hit me, like a wall of puffy little day-glo balls falling all over me and I giggled. I mean I actually GIGGLED!

“Well, she seems to be in a better mood now.” I heard Sam tell someone quietly.

“Welll, yes, but I don't like that expression on her face.” “Evangaline, my sister, answered. “Last time I saw that one Zeus, Jupiter — whoever — started throwing lightning bolts at us.”

“You mean he got mad just because she had a contented grin on her face?”

“I think it was more about why she was contented.” My sister answered then added. “It's the smugly pleased with herself look part that really bothers me just now.”

“Oh, yeah, I see that.” My guy sighed. “She does have that 'Cat that just broke into the cream depository' look, doesn't she?”

“I'm right here, you know.” I informed them. “And can hear everything you two say.”

“Oh, yeah.” Sam moved up to give me a kiss and shrugged. “It's just that you were here but not here for awhile there, and grumbling all through that.”

“Yeah, answering prayers is a pain.” I kissed him back and smiled happily. “But I came up with a solution!”

“Uh, oh.” Evangaline sighed and asked. “I know I'm going to regret this one, but what is it?”

“I'm just going to answer them randomly and with random solutions unless they are really serious stuff.” I beamed at them.

“You are the goddess of insanity.” Evangaline moaned and lowered her head into her hands. “I knew it, I just knew it!”

“No, no, hear me out.” I tried to reassure her. “Look at it this way. If people pray to me and can't be sure of the answer, or response they get, maybe they'll think twice about bugging me all the time.”

“Much as I hate to admit it,” Vangie muttered from behind her hands, “that actually kind of makes sense.”

“It could actually make answering prayers fun instead of a chore.” I offered back.

“Chaos, I'm related to Chaos.” She grumbled. “And I thought insanity was bad.”

“But I thought it was a brilliant solution.” I answered with a pout. “I mean I could pull off a few nasty, evil things to keep Mom's more radical followers happy, do some kind, generous things for the do-gooders, and the middle of the road types will be happy that I haven't chosen sides. It's perfect!”

“She's your problem.” Vangie told Sam with a shake of her head. “See if you can talk some sense into her about this.”

“She never listens to me either.” He shrugged.

“I always listen to you, Sam.” I gave him a hurt look.

“True, but then you just go ahead and do what you were going to do, anyway.”

“Not all the time.” I defended myself then held up a hand. Hang on please. My first complaint!”

I listened for a bit then pointed out. “But I gave you what you asked for. You wondered why your sisters got away with not doing any of the hard work. Now you'll find out.”

“Don't complain to me, Missy!” I answered, then threatened. “I could arrange for you to be fat, ugly and stupid instead of pretty, built and smart...”

“Thought you'd see it my way.” I smirked. “I'll expect periodic reports on your progress, dear. Bye.”

“Uh, Dahlia, dear, umm,” Sam was looking a bit pale, “what was that about?”

“Oh, some minor lordling was complaining that his sisters had it so easy and wanted to know how they got away with it. So I decided to show him-- er, her now — first hand. She wasn't too happy with my solution.”

“Okaaay.” Sam carefully nodded. “So did you plan to do that to him, her, whatever?”

“Nope.” I grinned. “One of the random prayers I answered and that was easiest way to show how his sisters got away with 'doing nothing'.”

“Chaos.” Vangie nodded her head while giving Sam a sympathetic look. “You're married to Chaos.”

“Been that way since we got here. Things around Dahlia always have been kind of — complicated at the best of times.” Sam shrugged. “I guess it just follows now.”

“Well...” Vangie sighed and gave up arguing. “I suppose having Chaos for a sister could be 'interesting'. I'll just have to remember to not invite you to many family get-to-gethers.”

“There.” I sighed then almost glared at Sam and Vangie. “I told her to suck it up and learn for the next couple of moon cycles, then I'd change her back if she still wanted to do that by then.”

“I should be satisfied with that.” Vangie gave me a look then asked. “But why do I think there's more to it than what you just told us?”

“Weellll...”

“Out with it, dear.” Sam joined in.

“I kind of arranged for the new lady to meet a really great guy?” I shrugged and gave them my best 'innocent, butter would still be usable after an hour' in my mouth expression.

“Dahlia!” Vangie almost shrieked in outrage, then dissolved into laughter. “You're impossible!”

“Well, look at it this way.” I countered. “Now she's actually valuable to her family instead of being the almost useless wastrel he was.

“Did I mention the guy is also a real prince? Literally?” I asked.

“Am I ever going to win an argument with you?” She questioned between guffaws.

Sam grinned at me then turned an almost mournful look to Vangie. “Probably not. I know I haven't yet.”

Kae'song and Kevin actually bowed to me when I walked into the meeting room. Alis curtsied I mean she actually curtsied!

“What?” I asked them while taking time to look into every alcove, nook, cranny and whatever to make sure nothing was going to jump out and try to grab me. “Why all this formality all at once?”

“Well, you are now officially a goddess.” Kae'Song answered.

“And that makes me a different person?” I asked.

“Yes!” They all answered, much to my embarrassment.

“Why?”

“You are Chaos embodied.” Alis carefully answered. “It would be more than foolish to offend you, Lady.”

“Yeah, like I'd intentionally hurt three of the few people who have actually put up with me over the past few months.” I countered, then added. “Okay, I was kind of pissed off at Kae'Song for awhile, but I got over that. And if I accidentally did something nasty to any of you, I'd fix it, honest!”

“You are no more conventional as a goddess than you were as a Dhro'aaa.” Kae'Song shook his head.

“Like there are iron clad rules I have to follow?” I asked. “I've been making up mine as I go since I got here, you guys, of all people, should know that.”

“Point taken.” Kevin chuckled and nodded. “You have intentionally gone against the norm since I've known you, Lady. So I suppose it shouldn't be a surprise that you are no different now.”

It is no wonder you became Chaos.” Alis nodded with a little grin.

“Just how is it that you three know that I'm — umm — Chaos?”

“Each of us is closely connected to our particular gods, Lady.” Kae'Song answered. “The ripples you have caused are kind of difficult to miss.”

“My name is still Dahlia.” I told them. “Please use it when talking to me. And no, I won't zap you if you don't but I'd be kind of hurt.”

“As you wish, Dahlia.” Kae'Song nodded then gestured to the chair at the head of the table. “Please make yourself comfortable.”

“That's your chair, mage.” I settled into my usual spot and made sure everyone knew I was getting comfortable. “I am a guest here, so wouldn't presume to take your rightful seat. Now don't argue with me, just sit down and get some wine in here so we can actually discuss something other than me.”

Thankfully, no one argued with that one.

Have you decided on a Demesne for yourself yet?” Kevin questioned once the usual business had been taken care of.

“What?”

“You own home.” Alis helpfully added. “Every god or goddess has one, you know.”

“This is home.” I told them and was answered with rolled eyes and sighs. “What, you're kicking me out?”

Not at all, Dahlia.” Kae'Song answered slowly. “To be honest, even as intractable and unpredictable as you can be, having you here has been truly a pleasure. But you need a place of your own.”

“So you are throwing me out. Just politely.” I pouted.

“Not at all, dear.” Kae'Song actually smiled. “Your absence would make my citadel that much poorer for the lack, but in time you will need to have a place that is exclusively yours, so now would be a good time to begin planning it.”

“Okay, I suppose that's a good point.” I nodded. “But I have no idea of how to do that.”

“Ask your mother.” Alis told me.

“Oh yeah, Mom!” I laid my forehead in one hand and sighed. “How is SHE going to take all this?”

“Go ask her.” Kevin told me with a shrug.

“Easy for you to say.” I grumbled. “What's happened recently kind of messes up plans we had for other things.”

“You'll manage,” Kae'Song answered simply, “just like you always do.”

“You mean with all the stumbling and tripping and cussing?' I asked him with narrowed eyes.

“Yes.” He answered me with a smile that was almost serene.

ARRGH!

“My, my, Daughter.” Llolth actually smiled at me. “You certainly don't choose the path of least resistance, do you? Goddess of Chaos. I'm impressed.”

“Seemed to be the thing to do at the time.” I grumbled as she hugged me. “I had no idea that what I did would pigeonhole me like it did.”

“We are chosen as much as we chose, dear one.” She answered me and hugged me again. “I was once goddess of Destiny, but my worshipers changed, so I had to as well. You made the best choice you could, and to be honest, with your temperament, it fits you quite well.”

“I'm not ready to be a major goddess!” I shot back.

“No one ever is, darling.” Llolth grinned at me, actually grinned. And winked. “Truthfully, the ones who want that shouldn't have the power. The fates work without our input, and don't listen to our complaints. We, like everyone else, just have to deal with what they hand us even if we are gods.”

“I suppose that means I'm not getting out of this?” I let out a sigh and gave several of her more insistent spiders a few strokes that had them purring.

“We are no more in control of our fates than mortals, beloved daughter.” She answered simply. “Gods have to deal with what fate hands us just as mortals do.”

“Oh you have no idea how encouraging that is to hear.” I grumbled. “So what do I do now?”

“What you have been doing seems to be working.” She shrugged. “Just do what you feel is right.”

“I don't know what's right!”

'And you actually think I do?' She asked while shaking her head. “Gods are fallible, dear one. We make mistakes, too. It's just that mortals don't dare question us so we get away with some rather horrendous errors. You, at least, question your decisions.”

“That's probably because I'm new at this.”

“You are Chaos, daughter.” Llolth told me. “You will always question. And that isn't such a bad thing.

“You are good, bad, evil, holy, inconsistent, and never boring.” She chuckled. “Family gatherings with you around will be lots more fun, I can tell that.”

“That's what Vangie said.” I muttered.

“You were that way before.” She told me. “I should have seen this coming, but be careful, dear. There hasn't been a deity of chaos in ages, real ages. Things are realigning now because you are what you are. And there are some who won't be happy about that.”

“I kind of noticed that already.” I grimaced.

“Fresh thinking, dear.” She reassured me. “You have experience and knowledge that the gods don't. Use it. You'll do fine.”

“I hope so.”

“You are my daughter, how could you do less than well?” She smiled and hugged me again. “Now say goodbye to my pets and get back to where you belong.”

I did, but it took about twenty minutes. Mom has lots and lots of cuddly and not so cuddly spiders. And all of them wanted at least a touch from me. Sheesh. Have I said it's really weird to hear a spider purr? Then I had to round up Sssrrinthss and get her back on me. It was like old home week for my familiar/tattoo. Sheesh. That took me ten minutes.

Oh, this was going to be an interesting meeting, or gathering, or orgy, or whatever.

All of my handmaidens just gave me expectant looks and smirked when they didn't think I was looking.

Mrrthis, the Dhro'aaa priestess who had decided I was her goddess gave me a speculative look and Sam, damn him, had chortled, choked out something indeciferable in any language, then ran off to play with his swords.

Damn it.

My maids, with characteristic intelligence and a good sense of self preservation, were nowhere to be found. I couldn't really blame them either. I kind of wished I could run off and hide under the pretense of doing somthing so simple as laundry.

But I couldn't. Though the idea of doing my own laundry — along with the horror that would cause among my followers, kind of cheered me up.

Can a goddess get dishpan hands?

Never mind. I'll work that one out later.