Synopsis:When a teen girl and her father are in an accident, it leaves her in a coma that gives a man a new lease on life.

I cannot believe that I am sitting here. Never in million years would I have thought that anything like this could have happened, but here I am getting ready for a date with my boyfriend Adam. Most people would think it was normal for a girl to be sitting and doing her makeup and getting ready for a date, but I am no normal girl.
You see, up until recently, I was a man. but that's not the person I see now when I look in the mirror. I see is a 16 years old girl. Guess you are wondering, how a man wakes up in the body of a teenage girl? Even I am not sure how it happened but I am just happy that it did happen.

The best place to start I guess is the beginning, I had always felt that there was something wrong with me, but for years I could not place it. I had never really felt comfortable within my own skin. As a kid I used to watch the other boys my age who seemed so comfortable with whom they were.
 
I never really seemed to fit in with them and it was not for lack of trying. I just did not feel comfortable. I did have a few friends growing up most of them were girls. When we would get together and play, it was as if I was one of them. When I was with them, I did not have to pretend to be one of the boys. I could just be myself and have fun.

 
It was not until I reached my teens that lines started becoming blurred, most of the boys that I knew starting to go girl crazy and the girls that I had been friends with started dating boys. It was different for me, I did not notice the girls and found myself attracted to my own sex. It was a scary time for me, and for the longest time I thought that, I was gay and being the 1980s there was not as much tolerance like there is now.
 
There was a boy at school that I thought was cute and he asked me out a few times, eventually I accepted. Things seemed all right at first, but when he tried getting intimate with me, it just did not feel right. I started wondering if I really was gay, granted I did like him but there was no sexual attraction toward him whatsoever.
 
I had a friend her name was Jenny and the two of us were talking, she and I had known each other for years and she was cool with me being gay and the two of us shared everything.
 
She told me that most of my problem was not the fact that I was gay, the problem was that I was more of a girl then a boy. I thought about what she said, it made sense all of my life I had never really been comfortable in my own skin and always avoided activities that were considered strictly male.
 
I really did not understand anything about being transgendered; I did not even think the term existed. I did know one thing, I could not ask my parents for help. They were very religious; to them being gay would send me straight to hell.
 
I think that if I had someone that I could have talked with things would have been different, but being unable to get help my depression started taking over, as did the self hatred. By the time I turned sixteen, things had become, so bad that the only release I could think of was taking my own life.
 
I went into my parents medical cabinet and took a bottle of sleeping pills that my mom had been taking, downed them and returned to my bedroom. As I laid on the bed I thought about my life, how different things could have been if I had been just born a girl. The darkness took me and I soon passed out.
 
I guess it was a couple of hours later, when I woke at the hospital, having my stomach pumped. Mom had found me and called an ambulance that was the first attempt, but not the last.
 
They hospitalized me for 3 months after that. I remember the guilt that I felt for what I had put my family through and the embarrassment that I felt when people would look at me. I was not sure if they knew what happened, but it never stopped the embarrassment.
 
Over the next 3 years, I saw a doctor and was taking anti-depressants for the depression. I would see the doctor once a month, he would ask me how I was doing then fill out the prescription and send me on the way. That went on for 3 years, and not once did we talk about the real reason behind my suicide attempt.
 
I had good days and bad days, overtime I learned to hide my feelings and accepted the fact that I would never be the person that I really wanted to be. There were times though in my dreams that she did come out and for a short time, I was able to experience life, even if it was a dream it was all that I had.
 
Theses days people are transitioning all the time, but I missed my window where I would have been passable and I did not want to look like a man pretending to be a woman. I buried myself in my schoolwork and then the different jobs that I worked at for most of my adult life. I tried to keep as busy as I could so I would have less time to spend thinking.
 

 
That pretty much leads me to where I am today, I have been at a dead end job for the last 3 years and was giving my layoff notice. I have been living in this small town for most of my life and felt that it is time for a change.
 
I packed up my bags, emptied out my savings account, and paid for a flight. I thought about the family that I was leaving behind, but knew that it was the right choice; it was as if something was leading me there.
 
Living in a big city like Vancouver took me awhile to get used to, but I found a nice place on the outskirts of the city.
 
It only took me a couple weeks and I was working again. It was nothing special, I was just operating a phone at a call center doing technical support, but it was paying the bills. I had been working there for a few weeks when the migraines started; It had them as a child, so I just took a few Advil and carried on with my work. But over the next few weeks, the migraines became more frequent.
 
Shortly after that came the earaches, I made and appointment and went to a walk-in clinic, the doctor said that it was an infection and gave me a prescription for antibiotics that I was supposed to take for a week.
 
After taking the medicine for a week, I was still having pain, so I returned to the clinic and talked to the doctor. He asked me, if there were any other symptoms. I thought about it, my balance and coordination had been off. He was going too send me to a neurologist; but the earliest appointment was a month away.
 
Over the next couple of weeks things started getting worse. I was unable to work because of how I was feeling and I lost my job. I found myself in a state almost like motion sickness, was unable to hold food down, and started loosing weight.
 
The only thing that seemed to help was taking Gravol. I spent most of my time in bed, by the middle of the month, I went into the hospital and told them that how I was feeling, but they just sent me home without really doing anything.
 
They told me to wait for my appointment with my neurologist later that week. My speech was affected making it hard for me too express myself, let alone explain what was going on. I knew that something major was wrong and a few days later ended up at hospital, this time they sent me down for a cat scan and a MRI, it only took about a half hour for the results.
 
The doctor that seen me Dr. Gettings was his name, he was a mountain of a man, it made me wonder how anyone with hands that big could operate on anyone.
 
The doctor looked over at me and said, "John I just looked at the scans and you have a tumor and a cyst that are side by side, this is creating a large mass in your brain. We need to remove it in the next couple of days are you are not going to make it."
 
I was shocked, but not surprised. I knew something major was wrong, but having someone confirm it is another story. When the shock subsided, I turned to Dr. Getting, and asked, "What are my chances with the operation?"
 
He looked over at me,"I am going to be honest with you John, there is a good chance that you will not make it even with the operation."
 
I sat there taking in what he said, and then looked over at him, "I understand. Whatever you need to do, do it."
 
"Is there anyone that you can call?"

"I will get one of the nurses too bring you a phone when your ready," Dr Getting said as he stood up and left the room leaving me with my thoughts.

I got up and left the ward and headed outside, I was a nervous wreck and needed a smoke. I thought about my life and how I had tried to end it in the past. Here I am now closer to death then I have ever been and part of me just wants to give up but then there is another part that wanted to hold on.
 
I thought of all the things that I had done in the past, and the person that I had become. I had been so lost in my own misery that I had driving so many people away from me, mostly out of fear. I wished that I had made different choices in my life.
 
There is one thing worse, than dieing, and that was dieing alone. At that moment I was experiencing so many emotions: Fear; hatred towards God for letting this happen to me, and eventually accepting whatever happened was beyond my control.
 
I put out my smoke then tossed the pack into the garbage. I would have no use for them after today. I made my way back to the room where I had seen Dr. Gettings. While I sat there waiting, a nurse came in and she helped me get ready for the surgery.
 
After she finished she left me with a phone, and said that Dr. Getting was talking to my father and that I would be getting a call. I thanked the nurse as she left. A few minutes later the phone started ringing.

"Hello?"

"John, I know that you have had your issues with God, but maybe it is time you put your Faith in God," dad said sounding really horse.

It was then that a nurse came pushing a cart, "Dad, I have to let you go for now I will give you a call when I can."

"All right, Son, get better."

"Goodbye."

During the next 15 minute, I had blood drawn, a captures was setup and what the nurse called a C-Line which was a wire that was inserted into a vein between my legs and carried up too my heart, during the operation it would be attached to a heart monitor.
It was impossible to sleep, there was too much on my mind. I spend most of the night praying to an unseen God that most of my life I refused to accept.
 
I hated God for making me the way I was and had wanted nothing to do with Him. But when faced with something like this you're almost willing to do anything if your life is in jeopardy. I think the praying was helping because I felt calm as I prayed.
 
Its hard thing to explain, but for the first time in my life I felt like there was a god, and he was finely listening too me. The next morning, I was taking into surgery. Everything was all right until they had me in the operating room, then fear took over, and I could not stop shaking. There was a woman in the room, just a tiny little thing, she came over and held me, she told me everything was going to be all right.

 
In another area of the hospital, there is something else going on. An ambulance had pulled into emergency, carrying a father and daughter. The father is suffering mostly from cuts and bruises while the daughter on the other hand is close to death. An hour earlier Andrew and his daughter Sarah were at a football game, Sarah was a cheerleader.

Andrew her father usually would attend the games mostly to support his daughter, but he was also a big fan, having played in college. The accident happened on the way home, they had been side struck by another car while crossing a busy intersection, the driver of the other car had been drinking.
 
Sarah and her Father were taking into emergency and met by Dr. Leo Picard, as he looked over at Sarah and told the nurse to send her down to x-ray for a Cat Scan and a MRI. Andrew called his wife Janice and told her what happened. 15 minutes later, she walked into the waiting area and took a seat next to her husband.

"Have you heard anything yet"

"They took her down about a half hour ago, she still has not woke up."

A nurse came through the doors, "Mr. and Mrs. Tanner. The doctor would like to see you; if you would come this way."

Andrew took Janice's hand and the two of them followed the nurse into a private room.

"Please take a seat and Dr. Picard will join you in a few minutes," said the nurse as she exited the room.

Dr. Picard joined them a few minutes later and took a seat across from them. Dr. Picard took a deep breath then started talking, "I just got though looking at your daughters test results, and the prognosis is not good. We have placed her on life support to keep her body alive, but the test show there is no higher brain functions. I hate to say this, but your daughter is clinically brain dead. There is really nothing, we can do for her," sighed Dr. Picard sadly.

Janice broke down crying, Andrew took her into his arms as he started crying himself, "There has to be something that you can do for her!" Andrew said as he held Janice.

"I understand and I will ask for another doctor to look at your daughter."

Dr. Picard stood up, made his way to the nursing station, picked up the phone and paged Dr. Jennings. It only took a few minutes for Dr. Jennings to call back.

"Hi Leo, what can I do for you?" asked Dr. Bill Jennings

Dr. Picard met with Dr. Jennings and the two of them went over the test results together, "I wish that you were wrong, but the child is clinically brain dead, where are the parents? Let's get this over with," said Dr. Jennings.
 
The two doctors made there way into the room where Andrew and Janice were waiting. Dr. Jennings took a seat across from them and said. "I wish that I could tell you that everything is going to be all right, but I looked at the test results and there is nothing that can be done. I hate to say this, but you will need too make a choice. We can keep her on life support, but that is not going to bring her back or we can let her go. Take your time and let us know what you want to do," Dr. Jennings said as the two doctors left the room.
 
"God, Leo! I hate this part of the job, having to tell parents that their going too loose there child!"

"Thanks for the help, Bill," said Leo as the two doctors went there separate ways.

 
Back in the waiting room the two dis-distraught parents were trying to make a choice that no parent should ever have to make.
"Honey, I do not want to let her go," cried Janice.

I know, Honey. I do not either, but she is already gone. If it was not for those machines," cried Andrew.

"I know, but we cannot leave her like that, can we?" cried Janice.

"It is the best thing we can do for her," Andrew said with tears running down his cheeks.

Andrew took Janice's hand and they made way to the nursing station.

"We would like to talk with Dr. Picard," said Andrew.

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A few minutes later Andrew and Janice said there goodbyes to their daughter and Dr. Picard switched off the life support.