Free Spirit-3 by Lynceus Cathy has learned a lot about herself this trip, and she's about to learn a lot more. And finally confront her greatest enemy...her own father!

Chapter Six: To Live Without Fear

“If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man. All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened.” -George S. Patton

---

Morning again. I sit up and yawn. It feels really good to stretch. All night I kept dreaming about the robbery. In my dreams, I wasn't the hero. I shivered, thinking of what could have happened if I had missed when I fired that gun. I could have been shot. I could have shot my mom.

I quake with fear, gasping for breath, it's like my blood just turned to ice water. I do the only thing that makes sense, I give myself a good, hard slap. Well, not too hard. I'm super-strong, not invulnerable. It's one of those little paradoxes that I've come to live with. If I'm not careful, I can really hurt myself!

The pain brings clarity, and I stand up, slowly stretching my limbs. No push-ups today, I need to find my center. I move through my kata slowly, reaching for the warm ball of qi just below my center of gravity. Slowly, I wake that fire, and let it flow through my body, warming my muscles.

My sifu once told me that anxiety is a poison that gathers in the heart. You must force the poison to flow out of your body. Harmony between mind and body must be maintained, as your own doubts are more deadly than any opponent.

I crouch down and slide my shield out from under my bed, running my hands along it's flawless surface. I know I shouldn't have snuck it into my room, but having it comforts me. That's when I notice my ring is flashing.

I look at it oddly. “Uh...missed calls?”

You have two messages. Neither are marked urgent.

I blinked. That was the first time I'd ever heard the ring speak! I didn't even know it could! “First message, please?”

Message from Jade: “Hey, I heard about the bank robbery. I'm impressed, no lives were lost. If you need to talk about what happened, let me know, ok?”

I smiled. It was good to know that Jade cared about us. I might talk to her, later. Maybe she could understand why I kept dwelling on what could have gone wrong, instead of what had gone right?

Next message, from Alena: “You didn't call me, but I'm guessing you had a long day. Jade mentioned something about a bank robbery, and a hostage situation. Those are really scary, the first time it happened to me, I kept tossing and turning that night. What if? What if someone had gotten hurt, even killed? What if it had been my fault? Hang in there, Cathy. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try...” I distinctly heard her choke back a sob. “Sorry. I know you're doing your best. It's all any of us can do, right?”

I was pretty concerned, what was wrong with Alena? “Is Alena available right now?”

Affirmative. Opening communications.

“Hey, sorry about the call, it was pretty late.” Alena sounded pretty tired.

“Sorry nothing, are you ok?”

“Isn't that my line? Yeah, I think so. I was just having...there's this nightmare I keep having." She sighed. "A few months back, Jade called me out to help with this terrorist situation. They put bombs on these ferries, and...oh god...”

“Alena?!” I vaguely remember hearing about the incident in the English Channel.

“...I tried to save everyone, I really did. But so many people died, and there was this little girl who drowned inside a car...”

“Oh honey. I feel so stupid, I've been having bad dreams all night about the people I did save...”

“Don't feel stupid, Cathy. Never feel stupid. You can't stop thinking, 'what if I screwed up?', am I right? Well you didn't screw up, you did the best thing you could do. You acted. Sometimes, yeah, people die no matter what you do...and it hurts so much!”

“Alena...I wish I was there. You really could use a hug right now.”

“I...thanks. I feel better knowing you care. I know Mom is worried about me. I just...I don't know what to say!”

“You don't have to say anything. They love you, they know what you're going through. Alena, you're very bright and mature for your age, but you're still a kid. It's okay to be shocked by death, especially when it happens right in front of you. But this is why you became a hero, isn't it? Not to have fun with super powers, but to help people! And you have helped people, a lot of people. Just think about how many people wouldn't be alive today if not for you, even in the short time you've been doing this. You have a big heart, honey, and I know it kills you that you can't save everyone.”

“It does...but you're right. It's not all fun and games. I wish it could be. Nothing feels better than rising above the earth, flying under my own power.”

“Then fly, like the angel you are. It'll help you, I swear.”

“I think I will do that. Just as soon as I let Mom and Sis know I'm ok. Thank you so much, Cathy!”

I smiled. Already she did sound a little better. “Anytime. I promise to call you later and tell you how things went with my family.”

“Oh, jeez, I totally forgot! Are you ok?”

I chuckled. “I have a mother and a sister again.”

“I'm so happy for you, Cathy! I..I don't know what I'd do without Mom or Alison.”

“I pray you never find out. I was so lonely, to the point I didn't realize how bad off I was. We'll talk later, you need to worry about you, now. Plus...I still have to talk to my Dad.”

“Oh.” She paused for a moment. “You know, I think I need to do that as well. Ok, we'll talk later then?”

“Definitely.” Hm, that was the first time she'd mentioned her father. I wonder why?

-

I took my shower and got dressed before I made my next call, to Doris.

“...ello?”

Oh man, did she sound tired! “Oh, sorry Doris, is this a bad time?”

“Cathy? Ugh..one second.” I heard the sound of rustling in the background. “Shh, it's okay honey, go back to sleep.”

“Ok, I can talk now. Sorry, Lena isn't a morning person.”

“Sorry.”

“Relax honey, it's fine. I need to get moving anyways. So what's up?”

“Well, some weird stuff happened yesterday. Actually, it's been happening for awhile now, but this is the first time I really noticed it.” I sat down on the bed, idly touching my shield with my fingertips. “My shield is made out of a titanium alloy, according to Jade. The more I think about it, when I throw it, well, it acts like it's a lot more aerodynamic than it should be. I shouldn't be able to throw it with the accuracy I do.”

“Hm, Dream said something about that, too.”

“Not only that, but I've been shot at more than once, and there's not even a scratch on the paint. The bullets just seem to hit it at the right angle to bounce off harmlessly. And then yesterday...”

I gave her the whole story about my day. I'd only meant to talk about the robbery, but once I started, I couldn't stop! To her credit, Doris didn't interrupt me; she really is good people. “Sorry, I guess I just needed to talk about more than just the weird stuff.”

“It's okay honey. I haven't seen my family in a long time either. And to be honest...the idea of facing them now terrifies me. My Dad wanted a son so badly...he hated how small and weak I was. Mom was terrified of him, so she wasn't much help either.”

Something about that revelation gave me pause. “That sounds pretty familiar.”

“Mhm. We were different before we ever got powers. In fact, I'm not sure I've met a totally well-adjusted metahuman yet. Even before we change, everyone seems to have some baggage. There might be a connection, emotions play a huge role in how the metagene...or whatever it is, changes us.”

“You don't think it's genetic?”

She sighed. “Well look, I'm a geneticist. And I have to tell you, if Jade's ring hadn't called it a 'metagene', I'd swear on a stack of Bibles that it has nothing to do with DNA as we know it. I'm actually starting to think it used that term just because it'd be easier for us to understand; I really haven't had a chance to sit down and talk with the damned thing.”

“Can't our rings contact it?”

“Yes...and I've had it jump in on conference calls...another fun feature the rings have, but only when Jade was involved. You have to remember, this thing is an alien AI. It's priorities are more than a bit unusual. I think it's programmed to educate it's wearer as much as possible, which is why it tends to chime in a lot.”

“Huh, I don't think I've heard it talk yet. When my ring squawked, I about had a heart attack!”

Doris laughed. “Oh you'll hear it, don't worry. It's a matter of when, not if. Anyways, while it freely shares it's information with Jade...and even then, on it's own time table, it only answers us because she wants it to. If she's not actually in on the conversation, it's not a lot of help. It constantly goes on about 'restricted access' and what-not. Lena says she's compiling a program to figure out how to better interface with the thing, but, well, as smart as she is, she's pretty much self-taught when it comes to computers, and I can only help so far.”

“Hm. I'm afraid I'm not an expert either. I can program a bit, it was kind of necessary, given my major.”

“Biophysics, wasn't it?”

“Yeah. Ironic now, really.”

She laughed. “I hear you. At least we have The Little Mermaid now!"

“A mermaid?” I blinked.

“Yeah, poor kid was on that ferry that exploded, got dropped into the ocean. Lucky for her, she turned out to be a metahuman, and was able to adapt to survive underwater. Me and Lena took her in, she really needed help starting her life over, plus, she happens to be a computer expert.”

“And of course, you get to study her up close.”

“...am I that transparent?”

“Relax, Doris, you're trying to help her, I'm sure she'd love to know how her powers work. Which brings me to my story...”

“Oh, duh, yeah. Ok, let's try an experiment. I have a coin here, I'm going to flip it, call it for me.”

“What?” I blinked.

“Humor me. Ok, tossed it.”

“Heads.”

“Mhm. Again?”

“Heads.”

“And now?”

“Uh, tails, is this...?”

“Please hon, one more time.”

“Heads again.”

“Incredible. Right all times.”

“Wait..what?”

She chuckled. “You ready for this? Psionic manipulation of probability.”

“Please say that again. In English?”

“Ok hon, it fits everything you've described. Look, some metahumans seem able to warp physics around them. Like me, for example. I can add or subtract mass, even alter my own density. But where does the mass come from? I have no idea! I'm actually breaking down science as we know it around me!”

“Wait, subtract mass?”

“Ah, yeah. Not a lot, but I can get smaller. I managed to get down to about 4' 1”, but going further, I can't really explain, it feels uncomfortable.”

“Wow, I bet you're adorable when you get small like that.”

“That's what Lena says. It feels nice to sit in her lap for a change.”

I smiled. “I'm really happy for you both, you know that?”

“Thanks hon. Me too! Anyways, I'm not completely immune to physics. A lot of the stunts I pulled off against the Dies Walkure, for example...not that you got to see a lot of that...”

“Just the aftermath, you did a number on that street!”

“Ugh, don't remind me, my powers make me a menace. I really wish I could invest in some kind of superpower insurance!”

I snickered. “Not a bad idea, that.”

“Where was I...oh yeah, anyways, physical laws still apply to me, and it's the interactions between my powers and them that let me pull off some of my more interesting stunts. I mean, you haven't met Stefani yet, but the way she flies is pretty wild. She does this thing sometimes where she hovers upside down, but her hair and even her clothes fall up, not down! Good thing, too, Alyssa likes putting these short skirts on that girl...”

“Uh..”

“Heh, sorry Cathy. You'll meet them eventually, I'm sure. But yes, she's somehow in command of her subjective gravity. And then there's The Lightning...she's got some weird gravity powers as well.”

“Oh you mean that Japanese hero? Is she one of us?”

“Mmm, if by metahuman, then, most likely. If you mean, is she part of the J-Force, then no.”

“J-Force?!” I snorted.

“Well Jade hasn't given us a name yet, and I have to call our little outfit something, even if we are pretty disorganized. The government more or less supports us, but we're naturally kind of resistant to going to work for them officially. So far, our main contacts are Dream and Mr. Faraday.”

“Mm, I'd forgotten that, Dream is actually military.”

“Yeah, but they give her a lot of leeway to work with us. Though I'm sure she does some other work on the side. And King Faraday, well, he's one of those Cold War types. Nice enough, really, but don't play poker with him. Well, actually, you can play poker with him, but I sure wouldn't want to.”

“So I adjust odds in my favor?”

“Something like that. That's why bullets bounce off your shield, you somehow alter their trajectories in flight. And then when they ricochet, they don't hurt anyone but, presumably, the bad guys. You have lucky accidents, when you toss your shield, it tends to fly in the direction you want it to, and from what you said, even the way it bounces off objects can work in your favor! Plus, how you happened to show up at just the right time to save your Mom.”

“..so wait. If I hadn't become a metahuman...oh wow.”

“Try not to think about it too much. I believe you can try to control this ability, but you need to be careful; quantum theory states that everything, at any moment, is subject to chance. The number of ways you interact with the universe are nearly infinite. It's quite possible that the more you bend these possibilities to benefit yourself, the more likely that there could be some kind of backlash.”

“...ugh, first you tell me not to think about it, then you say that.”

“I'm sorry hon, to be honest, I could stand to take my own advice. If I gain mass or density, where does it come from? Where does it go? I have no idea, and that's a bit scary too; it has to come from somewhere, or pretty much centuries of scientific thought go down the drain.”

“Like the Hawking paradox?”

“I hadn't even considered that. There's no information loss with my ability; if I shrink two inches in height, when I grow again, I'm exactly the same was I was before, the matter 'remembers' how it fits in with the rest of me. Plus, there's no decay when it's not a part of me, so...ugh. I'm not a physicist!”

“Neither am I, but maybe you're looking at it wrong. Maybe it doesn't 'go' anywhere. Maybe it's always connected to you, you just..oh I almost had it...maybe you just choose to ignore it? Wait, that sounds lame.”

“I...I think I need to talk to some people. You might be onto something.”

“Really?!”

“Yes, I believe so. Anyways, about your powers, think of it like this. Any time you affect your environment, your powers will try to set up the best possible result to your actions. By best, meaning, the one that best benefits you. But, and this is the important part, it's based on your perceptions of what is the best result!”

“Uh. Hold up, I think you're a step ahead of me, Doris.”

“Ok, it's like this. Bullets hitting innocent people is bad, right?”

“Of course...oh! So if bullets hit my shield, my power tries to guide each bullet away from hurting anyone. When I fired that gun, my powers tried to minimize any casualties.”

“Mhm, but back to the example of your shield. Given it's composition, if it were struck by a bullet, the shield should absorb the impact, instead of deflecting it. Yes, bullets will bounce off, but with greatly reduced force, making them less likely to cause injuries. However, you're too used to movies and comics showing bullets bouncing off of things. So this is the important part. Bullets glance off of your shield because you believe that's what should happen!”

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just stared at the ring on my finger in shock.

“Sorry hon, I just needed to stress that fact. You're warping physics out of shape simply because you don't fully understand how things are supposed to work. You're pretty attached to that shield, for various reasons, so your powers work to protect it as well. But hon, it can be repaired, even replaced.”

“So what you're saying is, I'm damaging reality because I don't want to scuff the paint job on my shield?!”

“I'm no psychiatrist, but I think the shield is a symbol to you. Of something important. You equate the shield being damaged with the ideal being tarnished. But that's not the case. The ideal is more important than the object.”

“I...oh jeez, Doris, now I have to be worried about what I believe?”

“It's subjective reality. The world is as you perceive it. But don't think of this as a limitation. The more you understand the world around you, the greater the possibilities you can grasp.”

“You make it sound like I could do anything.”

“Maybe you could. I mean, look at Jade or Alena. Their powers are pretty much only limited by their own minds. I think, on some level, all of our powers are the same way. The more we understand them, the more we can do. Why does there have to be a limit?”

I thought really hard about that. “Because if there is no limit, then we are like God. And I don't think we're ready for that kind of power.”

“I agree. But again, that's only our belief in action. We don't think we should be that powerful, so we're not.”

“I have such a headache now, Doris.”

“I know, and I'm sorry. But hon, all I'm trying to say is, your ideals literally are the source of your power. The stronger you believe in something, the more powerful you are. I can't explain it with science, it's simply how I feel. When I hear you talk about something that you are passionate about, I believe in you. And I believe that you can make a difference.”

Even though my head was spinning at the possibilities, I felt better for some reason. As long as I believed it was possible to save someone, and as long as it was possible, even if I only had a 1% chance, or even less than a 1% chance, I could do it. Or at least, have a better chance of doing it than I had any right to. Just like I'd saved those people at the bank. Henry, who'd been shot.

Even the bad guys, though injured, had lived!

“Wow. This is..pretty mind-blowing, Doris. But...it helps somehow.”

“Good, I'm glad I could help. I should get started on breakfast, I can hear my Princess starting to wake up.”

“Princess, huh?”

“She's everything to me, Cathy. I hope that one day you get to have someone that special in your own life.”

I placed a hand on my stomach, and imagined a life growing inside me one day. “I will, Doris, I know I will.”

-

I was famished, and I skipped the free breakfast, instead driving to a buffet in town. Sneaking my shield out was a little tricky, but I think I escaped notice. Or so I thought; imagine my surprise when I saw a police car flashing it's lights from behind me!

I pulled over, and then realized something. My Driver's license had been updated with my real appearance, not my 'old Cathy' disguise! I immediately shed my disguise, and started hoping that my weird luck powers hadn't decided to wimp out on me now!

My heart skipped a beat when Officer Steve Rogers appeared at my window. He smiled at me. “Hello again, Miss Spirit.”

“What?!”

He chuckled. “The van. You left it parked at the bank, and didn't come back for it until later.”

“You were watching?” I got a sinking feeling in my stomach.

“I'm afraid so. I ran the plates, too. You've changed a lot, Cathy.”

Oh God, I was so screwed!

“Hey, it's alright. I'm on your side, really! You saved a lot of people yesterday, that makes you a hero in my book.”

“One of those people was my mother.”

He nodded. “Sure, but you did your best to save everyone, including Dana. Look, I'm on duty, but I'd really like to talk to you more later. If you think you can trust me.”

“What did you have in mind?”

He gave me a dazzling smile that made my stomach do flip-flops. “How about dinner?”

I smiled at him, and without even thinking, “It's a date!”

-

I pulled away, still in shock. How lucky can I get? I totally screwed up keeping my identity secret, and the one guy who figures it out not only wants to help, he's taking me out to dinner?! Hell, I couldn't even believe I'd accepted! I hadn't been on a date since the 10th grade! And I was still a guy then!

I nearly hit a parked car as I realized that. He knew who I was! He knew who I was! I'd gone to school with Steve! He knew I was really Cash...and he wanted to go out with me anyways!

“Jesus Christ, Cathy. You're either a total moron, or a fucking genius. Or both!” I shook my head. This day was really screwing with my head, and I knew the worst was yet to come!

-

The house hadn't changed much. I could see some minor repairs and additions, but nothing that really contradicted my memories. This had been my home. And also, my private hell. Why was I here?! I sat in the van for several minutes, unable to shake the doubt in my gut. I wanted to run away so badly!

There was a light knock on my window, and I nearly died of fright! I rolled it down. “Oh God, Mom, you scared the hell out of me!”

She gave me an odd smile. “Watch your language, young lady.”

“Sorry Mom.”

She laughed. “I guess I still got it. Honey, you look pale, are you ok?”

“No, it's been...one heck of a morning so far.” I could hear the sound of power tools. “He's in the garage already?”

She sighed. “He spends a lot of time in there now. Things haven't been all that good between us, since Rose stopped talking to him, and he lost his job at the factory. I think it bothers him that I'm supporting us now.”

I got out of the van, towering over my mother, who's only 5' 2”. I gave her a hug, and she returned it. “I'm sorry Mom. I guess I never thought of how things must be rough on you.”

“It's okay, angel. It really is.”

“Hey wait a minute, what about that money he had saved up? And his pension?”

She frowned. “...you know that money was supposed to be for you kids, right?”

“Yeah, but I told him to give it to...oh hell. Cathy didn't take it either.”

Mom nodded. “It's still sitting in the bank, collecting interest. Stubborn old bastard won't touch it.”

I sighed. “I better get this over with.”

She hugged me tightly. “Good luck, Cathy.”

-

I put on my disguise as I walked to the garage. The door was open, and I could see Dad inside, taking a break with a 'cold one'. Still drinking Heineken. I shook my head. “Permission to enter!”

“...Rose, is that you? Come on in.”

I did and he turned to look at me. His jaw went slack. “...you're not Rose.”

He looked shorter than I remembered. Still taller than me, but by a lot less. And older too. This was the man I used to think was invincible? His eyes looked tired, even weary.

“No, I'm not, Dad.”

“...Bullshit. I only have two kids, and you ain't one of them.”

“When I was eight, you decided to teach me how to work like a man. I lost my grip on the hammer, and I put that dent in your car.” I pointed to his '67 Bel Air. “You refused to hammer it out. Said that could remind me of my mistake.”

He took a step back. “...you can't be Cash.”

I moved closer to him. The fear fading, replaced by anger. “I remember you used to joke with your buddies about how you should have named me Sue, because I was so girlish. You know, I used to like Johnny Cash, but now? I can't even hear one of his songs without remembering that. First chance I got, I changed my name.”

“Stay right there, don't get any closer! I'll call the cops!”

I grinned. “The cops? Go ahead. Mom let me on the property, and, you'll love this, I have a date with Steve Rogers tonight!”

His mouth opened, and then closed. Ha, let the homophobic son of a bitch chew on that! “That's right, Dad, I'm a woman now. My new name is Cathy, by the way, not Sue.”

His features went hard. “Do you enjoy being cruel, son? Is this how you repay your Mother and I?”

“Screw you, Dad! Mom is proud of me! She doesn't care that I'm a girl now!”

He sneered. “Your mother is weak. She'd forgive a dog for biting her. Look at you, you're a freak!”

I shook my head. “Sorry, that isn't going to work anymore. I'm not afraid of you, and honestly, I wonder why I ever was. You hear about that bank robbery yesterday?”

I changed into my uniform, although without the cowl. “Take a good look, Dad. A really good look. I'm not a freak, I'm a hero!”

“Get out of here! I don't know who you are, you're not my son!”

I shook my head. “No, I'm not. I'm your daughter, as much as we both hate that fact. But hey, I'll leave you with something so you can remember your mistake.” I walked over to his car and gripped the bumper. I left an imprint of my hand in the steel, and then I left the garage.

I shifted out of my costume, but I was never going to pretend to be 'Old Cathy' ever again. This is who I am now. Now and forever. Mom met me in front of the house, looking sad.

I sighed. “I'm sorry, Mom. I couldn't forgive him.”

“You did the best you could, honey. Do you feel better?”

I shook my head. “I'm not afraid of him anymore. But better? I bullied him. The same way he used to bully me. I really am his daughter.”

She hugged me tightly. “No honey, you're better than he is. I know that.”

“Get away from my wife, freak!”

I turned, and saw my Dad with his old M14 rifle, aimed right at me.

“Raymond Webster! Put that gun away!”

“I'm sorry Dana, but that's not your son. I don't know what that...thing is!”

“Mom. Let me handle this.” I gently pushed her aside. I could tell she wanted to argue, but she moved back. “Ok Soldier. She's safe. Take your shot.”

“Get out of here!”

I grinned. “Clint Eastwood was way better at this. 'Get off of my lawn'!”

“I mean it, I'll kill you!”

“Sure go ahead. Will that finally make you happy? Will you finally be proud of me, if I die for you?”

He blinked. “Shut up, you're trying to confuse me!”

I turned my back to him and opened the side door of my van. I carefully got out my shield. “You see this, Dad? You always preached to us about the values of this country. How you and your friends fought for it. Bled for it. But you never understood what it really meant, did you? America isn't about shooting people you don't understand!”

I held the shield out. “It's about this! It's about protecting people! It's about Freedom! Everyone is free to make their own choices, to live their own lives! Freedom of speech, Freedom of religion! You don't even know what America is! People like you, they believe their own bullshit, until it poisons the very spirit of this country!”

“Shut up! I'll kill you! America isn't about fags and freaks! It's about good, decent people!”

“Do good people kill other people for being different? Is that what decency is? I'm sorry, Dad, but you're wrong. And when I have children one day, I'll make sure to tell them about their grandfather. How he couldn't accept what he didn't understand. How he couldn't change. And how he pushed away his own family. I won't be like you, Dad! I won't!”

He sneered. “You're a freak, you can't have kids.”

“You're wrong there. I can have children. It's a miracle, and I don't think you can understand how grateful I am that one day, I'll be able to feel a life growing inside me. To have a child of my own to love. But I have to wait. As much as I want to be a mother, I have to wait, because this country is sick! This isn't a world I want to raise a child in! I want it to be a better world, and I'm going to make that happen, whether you like it or not!”

He fired the rifle. The bullet hit the shield, and while it did ricochet off, it left a dent. I threw the shield, and knocked the gun out of his hands. Then I walked up to him, grabbed him by the shirt, and with one arm, lifted him off the ground.

I was so mad I almost forgot to brace myself; I don't think I would have been as intimidating if I'd fallen over!

“Congratulations. You just shot at your own kid. Guess you feel like a real man now, huh?”

“Cathy! Don't hurt him, please!”

I sighed. “You see that? Even my own Mother is afraid of me. How do you think that makes me feel, Ray?” I lowered him and dropped him on the ground. I picked up the shield. “You see this dent? I'm leaving it here to remind me of my mistake. Not in coming home.”

I turned and started walking away. “But in not being able to forgive you.”

“Cathy...” Mom reached for me.

I turned to look at her. “I love you, Mom. I really do. But I won't be coming home again.”

I hurt her badly with that comment. I could see the pain in her eyes. And the guilt, before she looked away. I'm not proud of it. I think I'll regret it for a long time.

One thing I've learned; children are a reflection of their parents. The good and the bad. I know in my heart that my parents needed to take a good long look at me. Because after today, I was going to become someone new. Someone better. Because one day, I want to look at my own child, and have no regrets. Only pride and love.

-

I managed to make it to Rose's house before my hands were shaking too badly to drive. Greg and her found me when they came home for lunch. Somehow, they got me inside, and onto the couch. Rose stayed with me for the rest of the afternoon while I cried my heart out. Despite everything, deep inside me, there was a child who wanted her parents.

And they were gone now, maybe forever.

To be continued