The short week went by quickly. Classes were starting to get busy, and the number of assignments started to increase. Only five more weeks until spring break, before which the assignments would be due, and the mid semester tests taken.

On Friday, Samantha and I had outdoor activities class at the Stoney End Recreation center. We were learning kayaking on the lazy river. First we got to go with the current, which was fairly easy, although half of the girls in the class hit the wall on more than two occasions. When everyone had completed their second lap, we turned around and had to go against the current. I was surprised at the amount of effort it took. At first it seemed simple enough, but by the three-quarter point, my shoulders were starting to burn with the effort. I made it, but it wasn't easy. Only 8 of the 22 in the class did it, and only one of the girls.

At the end of the class I sat with Samantha, recovering my breath, and working the ache from my shoulders.
"Well done" she said.
"Thanks" I replied, "how did you go?"
"I gave up before the half way point" she laughed.
I chuckled with her. She sat behind me and gave my shoulders and neck a squeeze. I didn't think anything about it, but a couple of the other girls snickered, obviously thinking there was.
"I haven't seen Susan much this week" Sam asked, "Everything alright with you two"
"Of course. She has been swamped with homework, and has been doing some study in the library at lunchtime."
"oh good"
"why did you ask?" i asked.
"I just heard that Susan and a friend went out with some boys on Sunday night. I thought you two may have had a fight or something"
I couldn't exactly tell her that I was the friend could I.
"Yeah, she told me she went over to her old high school with a girlfriend and watched the game against us, and was invited to some old friends after game party. She had a good time. But no fight. I was at her place for the day on Monday."
"Cool" she nodded.
"So who told you?"
"One of the girls in my English class, but she was just relaying it" she said.
"My money is on Ceecee. It's her type of gossip."
"I wouldn't argue about that. Apparently she and Mark had a huge fight again, but i'm guessing they'll be back together by next week. None of the girls I know would go out with Mark, he's just too slimy, and with Ceecee, way to much baggage, so I guess he's stuck with her, and her him."

On the bus ride back, I sat behind Sam. I asked how Dave was, as I hadn't seen or heard from him in the past two days. Apparently he had the flu, and it was nasty.

On Saturday after the last swim met of the season, Susan and I stopped by Dave's place to pick up Samantha. He was feeling a little better, but was still throwing up. He'd lost a bit of weight, coach won't be happy about that. After that we went to the movies with Sam to see Friday the 13th. She felt bad about going without Dave, but she didn't want to stay at home alone on a Saturday night. But it gave Susan an alibi to stay the night with me. Sam was shocked at first, but said she'd cover.

Sunday morning we were laying in bed. She rolled over snuggled in close. We had discussed a lot of stuff, including the latest Ceecee gossip. Eventually, we got around to our discussion from Monday.

"So doctor, whats my prognosis" I asked, after I raised the topic.
"Well I've been trying to figure it all out" she said all seriously. "I'm no psychologist, but Cassie, Abby and Ginger did teach me a lot about Gender Dysphoria, and I did a little research this week as well"
"Gender what?" I asked
"Gender Identity Disorder. Basically someones idea of trying to label and pigeonhole gender issues into mental, medical and psychiatric disorders. There's a lot of controversy over a lot of the ideas. But, somethings are obvious."
"Ok"
"I hope you don't mind, but I emailed Ginger about some stuff. I didn't give names, but this is the stuff she's studying, and she gave me a lot of info."
"Like what?" I asked.
"Well most psychologists would start by calling what you are, a 'crossdresser', which is a very broad term and doesn't mean much. Some may say 'transvestite', but that has a lot of negative fetish undertones from what I've read, and you haven't openly exhibited fetish tendencies."
she paused.
"But basically you are becoming Androgyne, your gender identity is androgynous, both male and female at the same time, or possibly neither. As an androgynous being, both genders, and both sexes are natural to your expression. In some cultures, you would be considered the 'third' sex. You are more likely a transgenderist, than a transsexual."
"So I'm not like Ginger" I said, nodding agreement.
"Because you started relatively late in your teenage years, many gender psychologists would classify you with non-homosexual Autogynephilic gender disorder. I had considered bisexual instead of non-homosexual, but I think there is also a sexual maturation issue there that supersedes bisexuality."
"What does that mean? That's a lot of big words" I asked.

"Basically, you like to dress up because you like to be identified and validated as a woman by other people, particularly seen as being desirable by a male, but when as a male yourself, have no interest in other men sexually. The identification as a woman probably initially stemmed or was triggered from losing, and missing both your mother and sister, sort of an internal transference of need, resulting in the establishment and isolation of a feminine gender personality, known to us as Monica, which is just the representation of your female gender. Some of the female representation probably stems from your late puberty, and you being unsure of what your sexual orientation is, again heightened by the guilt stemming from the crossdressing."

"I know what my sexual orientation is" I said.

"Are you sure? I think that before we started dating seriously, you were a little confused, maybe a little bi-curious? The episode with the dildo was a sexual experiment, looking for answers." she asked.

"Ok, maybe a little, but its because I didn't have a girlfriend, I thought something was wrong with me".
"A person like yourself, Mike, commonly only dresses when they are outside of a relationship, because they can not expect someone else to accept the need to be validated. The problem is that by dressing up, it reinforces the absence of a relationship, increasing the guilt and loneliness, resulting in further deeper need to dress up. It can be very toxic, and is probably a leading cause of Gender Identity related suicides."
"Really?" I asked.

"I think so. You said that since our relationship has become serious, you haven't felt the need to dress so much." she asked.
"Thats true. I like becoming Monica now because you like Monica. And when being Monica with you, I'm more relaxed because I am already validated as a woman by being your girlfriend, without the need to establish any other relationship to do so."

"The thing is, is that Monica will always be there, in you. She'll never really go away. At some point or points in the future, you'll have the urge i guess to dress up and be Monica again. You'll find it really difficult to stop that from happening, and depending on how and what your other relationships are at that time, it could be very damaging to you. It may just result in you dressing in panties again, or it could get you into relationships you don't want, like with another man. Or you could become really confused, and want to transition to Monica, not that there is anything wrong with that, if it was for the right reasons. I was quite frightened when I read some of this stuff." she said.

"Oh Christ" I said, letting that sink in. "So what can I do?"
"At some point, you'll need some professional help. We could be wrong on a lot of points, but we were able to correlate your answers to several case studies."
"Shit, that means I'd need to tell Dad. He'll go absolutely apeshit" I exclaimed.
"Well, I wouldn't go off straight away. You may be ok for years. And I'd suggest Maria first, when you need to tell someone else. You'll need female support, lots of it. And I'll be here. And besides, You were just saying you didn't have the need so much now."
"True, but as I said, if I did, you'd let me, and encourage me. I think you're right about not being able to keep Monica bottled up. Just talking about her wants me to be her, even for just a short time. Not just the dressing up, but to be out as Monica."

We lay there for a while just cuddling.
"Still love me even though I'm weird" I asked.
"yes" she responded.

I got up and made breakfast, and we both went over to Samantha's and did some homework together. Sam had struggled on the last chapter we covered, scoring only a 55 in the review test. She was taking a redo test on Tuesday, so I helped her study for that, but was constantly distracted by Susan putting her hand in my lap. I know she was doing it because I was trying to concentrate on Sam.
"Sheesh Susan, get a room" said Sam, after I twitched again from another squeeze.
"Did that this morning" Susan laughed, and poking her tongue at Sam.
"You're so bad", said Sam, poking her tongue back.
"Ok girls, Quiet down. Supposed to be studying here" I said to both of them.
It was quiet for a couple of minutes before Susan spoke again.
"Have you and Dave, you know, done it yet?"
"Susan" i pleaded.
"Well? Come on, no secrets" Susan asked again to Sam.
"Ok, yes. once." Sam answered.
"So, how was it" Susan continued. I put my hands over my ears and started saying 'La la la' over and over again.
Samantha must have responded, but I thankfully didn't catch it, because Susan started laughing, and then so did Sam. Then they started gesticulating with their hands, making rude hand signals. I closed my eyes and put my head on the table.

After study, which was about lunchtime, we took Sam back over to Dave's. He was looking and feeling way better, but I doubted we'd see him at school for a couple of days yet. When we got back to Susan's place, her Mom was waiting for us. She wasn't happy. She took us into the kitchen and sat us down.
"Susan, Michael, I'm very disappointed in the both of you."
We didn't say a word, because we had nothing to say.
"Susan, you lied to me. I just saw Donna up the road at Safeways. She told me that you hadn't stayed with Samantha last night. I'm assuming you two slept together at his place"
We bowed our heads and quietly said Yes. Susan started to cry. I put my arm around her shoulder.
Susan's Mom sat down as well, and most of the anger had gone from her face.
"What am I going to do with you girl, you'll get yourself into a bunch of trouble, worse than your sister ever did. And Michael, you are in as much deep shit as she is. Did you at least use protection?"
I went bright red, not just embarrassed, but because I hadn't.
"Mom, I'm on the pill" Susan replied.
"There are worse things than getting pregnant Susan, and you know that."
"But I was his first" she cried.
I somehow went even redder, I could feel the red on my face.
"Is that true Michael?"
"Yes maam" I felt very small.
Her anger seemed to dissipate.
"Michael, I'm going to need to talk to your parents about this, I'm sorry if that's going to embarrass you, but this needs to be out in the open. I know parents can't control everything their children do these days, but they should at least know what the children are doing."
"Yes ma'am"
"Good. Now I can't stop you from seeing each other, but Susan, you are grounded for four weeks. Straight home after school, I'll be calling to check. Mike, you are still welcome here if your parents haven't grounded you too, but only when I'm here as well. But not on a weekday. You can have one 15 to 20 minute phone call a night. In four weeks we'll see about what we do about this situation. I'm not going to say you are both too young for sex, because you obviously aren't, but I want to talk about it and set the rules. By state law you are underage, but if its consentual, and with parents consent, its not against the law. If you want to act like adults, then there will be adult rules and responsibilities."
"Mom, I've told him everything"
"Everything?" she asked.
"She's told me about Cassie and Crystal, her father, the situation with Ginger and Harry" I said.
Her mom looked a little surprised.
"And what about the other boys" her mom asked. "Robert? Andy? Mark?"
"Yes" I replied, although she hadn't told me about the last two.
"Well, I am surprised. Susan must love and trust you very much Michael."
"I love and trust her very much as well" i replied.

I gave Susan's Mom the phone number for my father. I told her that he was gone this week, but would be back next weekend, but would answer the phone anytime. She asked me to leave then, and said she'd expect to see me next weekend.

I didn't get a phone call from my Dad that night, but I did Monday night. He wasn't really angry, and although he was disappointed in my behavior, he seemed chuffed as well. We had a long discussion on what he had spoken to Susan's Mom about, and he'd agreed with her. He knew given our current situation of me living here, and the rest of the family there that he couldn't sensibly ground me and enforce it. However, I did lose my privileges to the car for four weeks. He also said that he'd be home earlier on Sunday, hopefully around threeish, and that we would be providing dinner for Susan's family that night, so I had better make sure I prepared something nice.

Dave was back at school on Wednesday, and Susan and I had to explain to Sam and him what had gone down. Sam was sorry that her mother had 'leaked' the secret. Friday night was hard to get through. Saturday after swimming, I rode around to Susan's place to see how she was. I was allowed to stay for dinner, and we watched a DVD in the living room. I got the feeling that Susan's mom was mellowing, but I could see that she was going to enforce the punishment.

Sunday I tidied up my room, and put away most of my Monica clothing that was Maria's into the storage closet. I carefully hid everything else in a couple of boxes, and put them on the floor beside my dresser in the closet. I then put some other storage on top of them. I then went up to Safeways and did some shopping. I'd decided to do a Pork roast, complete with crackle and yams, and I bought a Key Lime Pie for dessert and some sparkling apple juice to go with dinner.

I had just finished salting the pork and was in the process of stuffing it with apricots and prunes when dad got home. He checked in on me, but left quickly to have a shower and a small nap.

Susan and her Mom arrived at six. Crystal had stayed behind at her friends next door. I had planned the pork for closer to seven, so while i finished cooking, my dad gave Susan's Mom the tour of the house, and Susan came and helped me in the kitchen. The parents were gone for quite a long time. I ended up asking Susan to get them to sit up for dinner as I served.

After dinner, the parents went into the living room while Susan and I cleaned up and did the dishes. We were then called into the living room. My dad and Susan's Mom had agreed on a number of things in their talk, and they were going to tell us what they were. First of all, the grounding stood for Susan, and I still had lost my privileges to the car. That was for not telling them what was going on, and for being deceitful with Samantha. Secondly, after the grounding Susan could stay here one night on the weekend, but we had to be responsible. If we were going to have sex, they at least wanted us safe, and not in the car parked somewhere, or at a party with booze or drugs. Susan's Mom was impressed that I had lived here alone for so long, and the place was kept clean and tidy, and that I could obviously cook. Maybe some of my house skills would rub off on Susan. Lastly, she would not tolerate any sex in her home.
Both Susan and I agreed, and hugged each other happily.