Nick woke up jittery and was worried what his parents might be truly thinking. Special thanks are in order to Michelle B. for editing this for me.

 
I woke up with jittery nerves and I was worried about how my parents would react to seeing me dressed as a girl last night. I knew dad was a man’s man and that I would probably catch hell today. Mom came in to wake us up. She saw me already awake and sitting on the edge of my bed sweating.

“What’s the matter sweetheart, aren’t you feeling well.” Mom asked with concern.

“I’m scared mom of what dad will say to me.”

Mom looked at me and then spoke in a comforting tone. “Look Nick, your father and I talked last night. While he does not understand why you were dressed as a girl he is willing to talk to you about it. We will talk while eating some breakfast.” Mom said as Heather opened her eyes.

“Mommy, was it a dream last night.” Heather said looking sad.

“No honey, unfortunately it wasn’t. Your father and I are just happy the two of you are ok. Go ahead and get dressed and then we will have a talk.”

Heather looked at me and smirked. “We’re going to talk about you being a girl I bet.”

“Yes Heather, we are going to be talking as a family about how Nick is dressed.”

“I thought her name was Nicole mom?” Heather asked mom, I could not help myself and I had to hug Heather tight.

“I love you Heather.” I said to her.

“I love you too sis.” She said back.

“Ok you two, now hurry up and get dressed. Your father is waiting.”

“Ok mom,” we both said in unison.

Heather and I put on the clothes that we had picked out the night before. I could still smell the faint aroma of the perfume I had used the night prior. Heather even helped me with my clothes. Neither of us had makeup, but I was pleased that I still looked feminine as I could still see traces of mascara. Once we were done I felt a little fear as we began to walk out of the cubicle we had slept in. Heather grabbed me by the arm and dragged me along.

“Come on Nicole, you can’t hide forever you know. Daddy will still love you; he might kill you, but he still loves you.” She said with a laugh.

“That’s not very funny; I’m scared enough as it is.”

“Sorry Nicole I was just trying to make you laugh.”

Dad and Mom were waiting for us in the lobby of the YMCA; Dad was on the phone yelling at someone. He saw us come up, his face was red and the slammed his cell phone shut. Dad must have left early and picked up the car from the house. I wanted to ask about the house and if there was anything that we could save, but he looked really mad.

“Get in the car.” Dad yelled as he got into the car then slammed his door shut. “I hope you’re happy with yourself Nicole.” He screamed and threw the morning paper in my lap. I looked at it then back at my dad in confusion.

“Read the front page you fucking sissy.” He yelled.

I could not help it and I started to cry. Why he was so mad at me.? He seemed ok last night.

Mom, bless her soul, spoke up for me. “James don’t you dare call Nicole a sissy. We don’t even know why she was dressed that way last night.”

I regained my composure. “I’m sorry for hurting you; I just needed time to figure things out. That is why I dressed up last night and went out. I needed to know I could do it on my own before I talked to you about how I feel.” I said between sobbing.

“Quit your crying boy, or I’ll give you something to cry about. Now you just read that article and you will see what kind of trouble you’ve gotten all of us into.” Dad was visibly pissed at me and I felt responsible, but what could be in the paper that made it so bad.

I heard a slap and saw my dad’s head move to the left. “I already told you not to talk to her like that James; if you do that to our child one more time. I swear to GOD I will leave you and take the kids with me!” Mom said with anger and a very red face. “You can read the article when you feel like it honey. Nothing was your fault.” Mom said in a much calmer tone.

I picked up the paper and unfolded the local section dad had thrown at me. On the front page of that section there was a picture of the four of us standing in front of our burning house with a fire truck behind us. You could clearly make out our faces and who we were. I paused as my stomach became tight and read the head line.

‘Family Left Homeless After Devastating Fire.’

I also looked at the caption under the picture.

‘James Carlson and his wife Karen and their daughters Nicole and Heather are pictured standing in front of their lifelong home.’

I read the article and it had our address and it listed the house as destroyed and that nothing inside the house was salvageable, with the exception of the garage. I swallowed hard at the thought of everyone I knew would know I dressed as a girl.

“I’m sorry mom, dad. I did not mean for this to happen.”

“It’s not your fault sweetheart; we will get through this as a family.” Mom said and turned around and comforted me by rubbing my knee.

“Look son, we are going to have a rough time ahead of all of us, and I think all the stress from last night just caught up to me. I am sorry for yelling at you.” Dad said as we pulled up to a red light. “I should not have said the thing I did.”

Dad turned around to me and kind of gave me a half smile, and then I saw the love in his eyes.

“Can you forgive me for all of this?” I asked.

“Forgive you; I should be to one who is asking for forgiveness.” Dad said as the light turned green. “We will figure out as a family how to confront those who might have questions about why you are dressed as a girl.”

Dad continued driving and eventually we pulled up to our fire damaged house. The house looked bad, the whole front of the house had been charred by flames and you could see directly to the back of the house. As we all got out, I could see that the red car from the fire department was parked in the front. We were greeted once again by the same fire inspector from last night.

“Mr. Carlson, I have finished my investigation. You and your family are now allowed access to the house to see if you can find anything that you might be able to salvage. I am truly sorry for your loss.” Mrs. Doran said. “Here is a copy of my findings for your insurance adjuster.” And she handed the report to my dad.

“Thank you Kathy, Is there any areas we should avoid?” Dad asked.

“Just stay clear of the kitchen area, the roof over that area was cut open by the firefighters and the ceiling in there is still soaked in water and might fall. Otherwise the rest is ok, just be careful and watch your step.”

“Thanks.” Dad said and then motioned for us to follow him in. “Let’s go, Nicole I want you to keep an eye on Heather.”

“Ok dad.” I was a little surprised he used my girl name, but I wasn’t complaining.

“Now Heather I want you to be careful and listen to your sister.”

“I will dad.” Heather said then gave me a slap on the shoulder and mouthed ‘sister’. I pinched her left arm and then smiled at her. We walked carefully into the house. There was little left to salvage. I found a few photo albums of ours that were left untouched by the fire. There was nothing left of any of my personnel stuff in my room, no clothes, books and even my computer were gone.

All of us were equally upset at how much we had lost. Dad was glad that most of the tools were spared in the garage; he had us help him put some of them in the back of the car.

“That’s enough for today; I am so sorry that we came up with so little. We will just have to start over.” Dad said trying to sound brave but doing a bad job of it. Dad then drove us back to the shelter and sat us all down.

“Please sit down Nicole, Heather, your mom and I want to talk to you.” Dad said as we sat on their bed. “It’s pretty clear that we will need to do some shopping for clothes for all of us after seeing the house today. We have all lost years of memories. We will just make new ones.” He said again.

“What we want to know from especially you Nicole is what type of clothes are we to get you.” Mom paused for a moment. “Think this through before you decide, this is your chance to be honest with us and tell us how you truly feel and how you want to spend the rest of your life. No matter what you decide your father and I will support you.”

I thought about it for a minute and decided it was time to come clean with my parents and tell them the whole truth and leave nothing out. “Mom, Dad, I have been feeling out of sorts for years, almost like I was supposed to be someone else. It is a most unusual feeling not knowing who you are. One day about a year ago I found one of Heather’s skirts in the laundry hamper. Something came over me and I had to try it on. It was certainly a bit tight but I got it on. I looked at myself in the mirror in the bathroom and everything felt right.” I paused for a second to catch my breath. “All the weird feelings I was having were gone and I found myself feeling ok for the first time in a while. It scared me a lot and I didn’t think about it for a few days until I saw another of Heathers skirts, and one again I just had to try it on. All the feelings of being different went away for a while but I was scared at what was happening to me.” I paused in case mom or dad had questions.

“I can imagine you were quite scared.” Mom said looking at me with wonder. “How did you get to look so good last night?” Mom asked.

“I’ve had a lot of practice mom. After doing some looking around the internet I found web sites with stories and articles about people like me. Many of the stories were based on magic or other stuff. I found myself identifying with the ones were the person always felt they were always girls. I also began reading your magazines. The articles had tips on all sorts of subjects, and I studied them and made notes on how to apply makeup and how to dress properly for a girl my age.” I paused again to catch my breath.

“So what you are telling me is that you feel you are a girl on the inside and want to make the outside match?” Dad asked looking at me with a strange look as if he was surprised he actually asked that.

“Yes that is what she is saying James.” Mom said sarcastically. “Go ahead and finish honey.”

“Well after I got that paper route, I started saving the money I was making. After I thought I had enough money, I went out and got clothes my size and some makeup. Once I had it, I began to practice. Last night was a big step for me. I knew it was only time before I knew I had to tell you how I felt. But I needed to know I could dress up completely and going out last night was to feel the freedom of dressing as a girl outside the confines of my room. It was an exhilarating night that is until I saw the house was on fire.”

“It sounds as if you were trying to overcome your fears. What would you like to do from here? Like I said, it is up to you as how we proceed, with the help of professionals of course.” Mom told me.

“To be honest, I would like nothing more than to live and dress as a girl from this day forward. I know I will have hurdles to overcome.”

“Yes you will and I want you to realize that most people may not like what you are doing. You will be faced with ridicule from some of those you encounter. I want you to think about taking some self defense classes so you can protect yourself.” Dad said sternly.

“Ok dad that is reasonable and sounds like a good idea.”

“That’s good; I will call my friend Mark Tyler and set up classes for you once we get settled. Now we need to get some basic clothes for each of us and find a more permanent place to stay. I say we split up, Karen you take Nicole and Heather shopping for clothes and pick me up a few things. I will look around to see if I can find us a place to stay together until our home is ready.”

Dad then drove us to the local mall and Mom, Heather and I stepped out of the car. Dad leaned over to the passenger side. “Let’s keep in touch; I’ll pick you up in a few hours, otherwise call me when you are ready.”

“Ok James and make sure you are careful by yourself today.”

“I will Karen, I love you all.” Dad said and then drove off leaving us at the mall.

I began to walk to the doors of the mall and then stopped dead in my tracks; there standing in a group of girls was Amy Reed my current girlfriend. She saw my mom and sister walk up, and then her eyes went wide when she looked at me. I thought for sure she would laugh and break up with me. She left the girls she was with behind and walked up to us.

“Hello Mrs. Carlson, Heather.” She said greeting us then whispered to me. “What’s your name?”

“Nicole.” I said and began to tremble.

“You look nice Nicole, nice to meet you.” She then gave me a friendly hug. “What are you doing, are you out shopping today?”

“Basically.” I answered, and then told her about what had happened last night as we walked into the mall. The girls she had been with had gone somewhere else. “What about your friends?” I asked.

“I am so sorry to hear about your house, please if there is anything I can do to help, ask.” She said then explained about her friends. “We were done for today, Carla’s mom was due to pick us up. I just told them I saw someone I knew and would find another way home.”

“You are more than welcome to get a ride with us later, I am sure that Nicole will want help picking out a new wardrobe.” Mom told Amy.

“I’d be happy to help her.”

We all walked into the first store and Amy began picking out clothes for me to try on. I was overwhelmed with anticipation and excitement at being able to try on girl’s clothes and use the women’s fitting room. It turned out to be a nice day for shopping and after visiting all the stores we were all loaded down with bags of new clothes and shoes. Mom gave dad a call on the cell to pick us up as we were walking towards the exit. He told mom it would take about 45 minutes to get back to the mall.

“Well that gives us time to see if we can get into the Salon.” Mom stated then led us into what had been forbidden territory for me.

“Good afternoon, what can I do for you ladies?” The nice woman at the counter asked.

"My daughters and I would like our hair and nails done, and Nicole here,” Mom put her hand on my shoulder “would like her ears pierced.”

I kind of cringed as I thought about the impending pain, but was relieved that it did not hurt at all and I had some nice new gold studs put into the new holes. Once I was told how to care for my new earrings and how to prevent the holes from closing up, I enjoyed the feeling of my new jewelry.

I must tell you the experience of the salon girl putting on the full set of nail and how it felt when she shaped and polished them was exhilarating to say the least. Amy kept smiling at me the whole time while watching. I knew that our relationship after this would be interesting to say the least.

“Now that you’re done, how are you feeling?” Mom asked as she paid the bill.

I was staring in the mirror and did not hear what she had said. “Huh, what?”

Amy came up to me and whispered in my ear. “Your mom wants to know how you feel now.”

“I feel happy and overwhelmed at the same time, I know that there is a long road ahead of me, but I know now that this is right.” I said honestly.

“I am happy for you Nicole, and I will support you, you are after all my girlfriend.” Amy paused for a second. “I have to tell you I love you more now than ever, it’s sexy seeing you dressed so pretty.” She whispered to me.

It was my turn to look at her with wide eyes, she simply smiled at me knowingly and left it at that. We all grabbed our bags and headed out to wait for dad. He was already waiting for us as we got to the side walk. He has standing by the car with a smile as we walked up.

“My don’t you all look nice. Nicole you look beautiful. Are those earrings?”

“Yes daddy, all girls my age have them.”

“I was just wondering” he paused for a second then noticed Amy “Hello Amy, how are you taking all of this.”

“Just fine Mr. Carlson, I think Nicole is very brave. I will certainly have an interesting conversation with my girlfriend later.” She answered.

“Girlfriend?” Dad looked confused “Your still dating?”

“Of course we are daddy, why wouldn’t we? The clothes I wear do not change how I feel about Amy.

“I guess you’re right. By the way I’ve found us a nice apartment to stay in while the house is being rebuilt. The insurance company will replace everything. Our coverage was good and the company is being very helpful and gave us money to live on for the time being.”

With our near future taken care of, dad helped us put all the bags in the trunk. We dropped Amy off at her house, picked up our belongings at the shelter and drove to the apartment that would take the place of our home for the time being.

Once I got the lay of the new three bedroom apartment, I put all my new things away. I was still amazed at how much I had gotten, I now had all the clothes I would need to start living as I should. As I put away my last dress in the closet, I could not help smile at my good fortune in the guise of a destructive and painful fire.

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Author’s Note: The End, or is it, you decide. Please leave feedback.