---

 
I sent out a quick text to various people, including my family, saying I had won a contest that paid off on extremely short notice and that I would be out of touch until Sunday afternoon or Monday morning. Then I put my phone into aircraft mode. No calls, no texts. I felt I would probably regret this in a mighty way, later, but for now, I was going with it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

Taleejah was still wanting to know when I would be ready to leave, so I asked her what I would need in the way of clothes, toileties, and so forth. She told me that really, the spa preferred we came with the clothes on our backs, plus a toothbrush and enough underwear for 3 days plus a formal dinner.

My eyebrows rose at the thought of a formal dinner, but I decided to roll with the flow. After all, I was in a reasonably appointed mall, however small and out of the way. I informed Taleejah that I would be ready in one half to three quarters of an hour, with not much more than she had just mentioned.

Of course, my first stop was B. Daltons. Six fantasy paperbacks and six manazine heavier, I visited a lingerie shop and bought a half dozen low rise bikini panties, with matching bras, two job bras with matching panties, and two strapless bras with matching thongs. I also bought two sets of 'enhancers'.

A trip across the street to the big box drug store netted me a small zippered tote, shaving supplies (just in case!) and a toothbrush and toothpaste. I also picked up my favorite antiperspirant and some Tommy Girl perfume.

I parked my car in the specially provided area and made back in to Taleejah only 47 minutes after I had left her. I was remarkably unfazed to see Rhonda only a minute or two behind me. She huffed and puffed up and wrapped me in a hug.

“I am so so so glad you did not back out! I am not nearly so nervous since you are here!” She squeezed me quite tightly and turned to Taleejah. “Please take good care of...” She stopped and looked me in the face. “Here I am hugging you like a long lost sister and I do not even know your name!” Oddly, she relaxed and leaned on me rather than blushing.

“Dollin,” I began, “I think for the weekend, you can call me Misty.” I winked at her as I added, “because I think I am going for a long swim in the Estrogen Ocean.”

I managed to revive Taleejah without need to resort to CPR.

---

Everyone returned shortly thereafter, and we were all in the extended Hummer limo (is that just so cliché or what? Why is it no one builds limos out of, say, New Beetles or Ford Mustangs?) motoring raucously to the airport. To my immense surprise, I was the most popular one there. I realized later that of course it would be me because all the women were curious why an ugly lump of lard like me would be in a limo taking a group of women to a weekend spa.

Rhonda turned out to be solid gold. She almost viciously monopolized the conversation like a mother lion protecting her cub. The other women quickly decided that they had better be kind and respectful or face Rhonda's wrath. I did let it be known, in the most it's-all-natural-and-matter-of-fact way that I was going to enjoy all the services offered me to the hilt.

Intercepting the coming gender preference questions before they could be asked, I preemptively replied, “There is a woman living in my head, not a man. She is kind of weird, due to the wrong hormones she was forced to accept for most of her life. I do not care for men, at all, in fact, I am married to a woman. I am not here for sex, I am here for the pampering and petting. If I make any of you uncomfortable, I am sorry that you feel that way, but I will do my best to not crowd you.” I took a deep breath and surveyed the group with gently probing glances, looking for dissenters. “Anyway, for the weekend, you can call me Misty and I hope that you all have fun, either with me, or in spite of me.”

That seemed to break the ice and they all seemed good with me after that. Rhonda was able to relax and we all chatted amiably.

Because we had almost no luggage, we were through security in an astonishingly short amount of time. It made me nervous, but I had put my vest into my tote, along with practically everything I had in all my pockets except for ID and checked my tote as baggage rather than carry-on. I had carried some of that gear for years and I felt naked without it, but not having it all weekend was more than I could bear.

The flight was several hours and I had both a Zune and my phone with me, and both had hours worth of music. I finished two paperbacks on the plane and started a third. Rhonda read one of my magazines, as we were seated adjacently. We were met by associates of Serena and Taleejah, both of whom had flown with us. We all boarded a small private bus and left for the spa.

Arriving, I decided it was more of a villa cum tropical palace than a spa. It contained a bungalow style hotel, gymnasiums, poolhouses, stables, riding paths, a private stretch of beach, lounges, nail and beauty salons, dining areas, both inside and out, and a water park.

As we arrived, what I thought of as the triage team greeted us, having already gotten preliminary notes from the ladies that had met us at the airport. Several women were directed to nail and beauty salons, some to mud baths, Rhonda to a body wrap salon, and me to the laser salon.

YiKeS!

---

 
To Be Continued...