Pennies for Michelle
Part 1
 
By plastic_roses
 
“A penny for your thoughts…” Said a sexy yet husky voice as father of one Joseph Brennan stared deep into his almost empty shot glass.

“What?” Joseph asked more out of shock then out of curiosity.

“I mean what’s on your mind, I've seen you here every night for the past month and frankly sir, this dive doesn't seem to be your kind of place.”

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Author's Note: This is my first effort at this so please tell me if I have done anything incorrect and also how to make my writing better.

 
 
Part 1
 
“A penny for your thoughts…” Said a sexy yet husky voice as father of one Joseph Brennan stared deep into his almost empty shot glass.

“What?” Joseph asked more out of shock then out of curiosity.

“I mean what’s on your mind, I've seen you here every night for the past month and frankly sir, this dive doesn't seem to be your kind of place.” Said the voice of the woman who sat next to Joseph on a bar stool that was blanketed in darkness due to a lack of a suitable nearby light source.

“Joseph, my name is Joseph and… And you are right this isn't the kind of establishment I'd normally attend.”

“So why are you here? Normally only perverts or fans come here and you can tell the difference between those because the perverts are up front grabbing at the girls while the fans are at the back just watching.”

“I'm not sure why I'm here, maybe it's because I don't deserve to be anywhere else or maybe it's because I thought I might find answers here.”

At that moment Joseph placed his now empty glass on the counter and was about to order another when a large hand with long red nails as well as a lot of jewellery ending in a set of bangles around a hefty wrist settled onto his own hand.

“Hon… Joseph one thing I've found in this life of mine is that answers are seldom found in the bottle but are often found in someone else's perspective of the problem at hand.” Said the sexy yet husky voice.

“Hey Joe, would you pour myself and Joseph something softer, best make it two ginger ale's and add them to my tab.”

“Sure thing Holly.” Said the rather rotund man behind the counter.

“Your name is Holly?” Questioned Joseph.

“Holly to my friends, Molly Moonlips to my fans and… well the and doesn't really matter but you can call me Holly.”

“So tell me Joseph, what brings a family man like you to a place like this, what answers do you seek that you think you can only find here.”

Sighing because he needed someone to talk to and a stranger in a bar seemed as good a person as any Joseph opened his mouth. “About three months ago my wife, Maria dropped me off at a train station so I could catch a train to go to a conference on updating my work skills.”

“So?”

“Well most of this part of the story has very little to do with me, in fact I only know about it because my wife told me about it so I could try to understand things better, which didn't work at the time.”

“I understand, go on.”

“Apparently after Maria had dropped me off at the train she had intended to do some shopping but due to the fact she was in a hurry to get me on the train she forgot her handbag, which meant she had to drive all the way back to our house. As Maria explained it to me when she got back to the house she went directly to our bedroom where she found a site that nearly blew her mind.”

“What was that?” Holly asked after becoming sick of the silence that had befallen Joseph.

“Maria told me that when she entered our bedroom she found our only son, Michael sitting at her vanity table wearing her clothing while applying makeup to his face rather expertly.”

“So what was your son wearing?”

“You know I never stopped to ask my wife that question, maybe because I was to blinded by my pride and fear.”

“At least you seem to be admitting you were in the wrong here, Joseph and I admire that in a man so go on.”

“Well Maria said that Michael was so wrapped up in the act of making himself pretty that she was able to stand there for more then five minutes just watching him before he finally noticed her. I was also told that when Michael did finally realize that his mother was in the room with him he stood up and panicked.”

“That's not really odd, while some of us go to our family with the truth about the fact we crossdress, most of us get found out about and it often goes poorly for us, so is that what happened here?”

“No, well not from Maria, she told me when she saw Michael assume the position of a young child who had broken something, you know that sad and guilty look… well anyway Maria told me her heart just melted away when she saw that. Maria also told me that it was around that point that Michael started crying.”

“Let me guess, when your wife was telling you this you took it as a sign of weakness on the behalf of your son? After all real men never cry.”

“Yes, yes I did and yes I know that's not true, now, however back then while Maria saw it as a cry for help I only saw it as weakness.”

Picking up the cold glass of ginger ale at that moment Joseph took a long drink from it as he tried to clear his head enough to continue.

“Maria ended up telling me how she asked Michael about what she was seeing, about what was going on.”

“Did your son explain himself?”

“Yes and no, firstly he told Maria that he hated his life and more then that he hated as well as resented his very existence.”

“That must have been a tough pill to swallow?”

“It was hard for all of us I think to be honest, hard for Michelle because it meant she was facing the truth, hard for Maria because it meant Michelle was hurting and hard for me because I saw my child as being broken…”

“Michelle, who is Michelle?” Holly asked the moment she realized the importance of the name.”

“Michelle, is the name that my son ended up picking for himself when he became a woman but that's not really part of the story yet.” Joseph said as he found himself feeling ever the little bit more the fool.

“Oh then back to the story then shall we?”

“Where was I, oh yes, Maria told me how those words made her want to scream because they triggered the part of her that she says all good mother's have that makes them want to defend their children when they are suffering no matter what age they are.”

“I wouldn't know my dear mother was never encumbered by such a condition but go on.”

“Maria told me that after a lot of deep breathing she asked Michelle… I mean Michael as he was at the time, why he hated his life.”

“I think I already know but tell me anyway, why did your son hate his life?”

“Michael hated his life as it was because he felt he was a freak and he couldn't stand living as he was, as a male. The funny thing is Maria told me that seeing Michael dressed as a female made her bite her own lip as she asked him why he thought he was a freak.”

“Let me guess, he thought he was a freak because he was a boy who dressed in female clothing and who dreamt of being a woman.”

“Holly, how did you know that?”

“It wasn't that hard, almost all of we transgendered people suffer from the guilt of what we are opposing the constraints of what society wants us to be.”

“So what do you do?”

“Well for people like myself and for your daughter, which I assume she is now because of the fact you have called her Michelle a few times, overcome the fear we feel and break free, while others never do and are seldom happy with their lot in life.”

Picking up her glass with her large overly jewel encrusted hand Holly pulled the glass into the darkness where her body was and took a long drink as she pondered the odd man she was talking to.

“Now, Joseph, if you wish please continue…” Holly said as she put her glass on the bar.

“Maria told me that after trying and failing to convince Michael that he wasn't a freak she realized she wasn't entirely comfortable with calling Michael by his name because as she told me she remembered a daytime television program that did an article about people who were like he was.”

“So is that where the name Michelle came from?”

“Yes, I remember Maria telling me how she told Michael that if he dreamt of being a girl then he must have had a female name picked out already because that was what the people she had seen on the television who were like him had done.”

“Not necessarily.” Holly stated as her large frame moved in the darkness, which was really caused by a blown bulb that nobody had cared to replace. “Sometimes some of us know we want to be female or for that matter male, remembering things go both ways, but we don't have a name picked out for one reason or another.”

Looking around the seedy and ill-lit hotel room Joseph noticed the faint stench of stale beer as well as the group of mostly men who were gathered around the slightly better lit stage, where two pretty young women were pole dancing.

“Yeah, you may want to look away before they remove their panties.” Holly said.

“What… why…” Joseph said before the coin dropped. “Oh, oh okay, yes good point, I don't think I want to see what is in their panties do I.”

“No, no you don't so please continue.”

“Where was I, ah yes at the point where a female name came up Michael apparently explained to Maria that he saw himself as being Michelle. Maria told me that after Michael had told her that he saw himself as Michelle, she felt overwhelmed by the surreal nature of the conversation, what ever that meant.”

“So what happened after that?”

“Let me remember, Maria explained to me she did the only thing she could, she had Michael explain everything that had happened right from the start.”

“How did Michael react to that?”

“Michael reacted by asking his mother why she wasn't freaked out, which Maria responded to by explaining that she had seen transgendered people on television and from that she knew if he was transgendered then he needed all the support he could get. Support however was something I was to proud and stupid to be able to give.”

“Joseph, that seems to be something you are regretting is it not?”

“More then you can know lady, more then you can know.”

“I'm sorry…”

“Don't be, it's my own damn fault.”

Knowing that Joseph was coming up with the answers that he needed all on his own just by talking with her, Holly took another drink of her drink before scratching her cleavage and taking a look around to make sure nobody was listening in on their conversation.

“So what happened next?”

“Well…” Joseph said. “Michael or was that Michelle by that point, explained to Maria that for all of his life he had felt different from the males who were around but at the same time more like the girls, even if it took him years to work out why. Maria also told me that Michael told her that there came a point where something drove him to try on her clothing and while he couldn't fully explain the feeling, it wasn't sexual in nature, more natural like wearing female clothing was the right thing for him to do.”

“I remember it was like that for me when I was young, I was so stressed out by my life and then one day I gave into my feelings and when I did, it was like my stress just melted away. However this night is about you Joseph, you and your family so please go on.”

“I don't know all the details as they get a little sketchy at this point because I was always so angry when Maria explained it to me, but it seemed at that point she decided to find Michael a doctor because if he was a girl stuck in a boys body then he needed treatment. I also recall Maria yelling at me something about Michael asking why she wasn't concerned about losing a son.”

“What did your Maria say because at the moment she seems like a very smart woman.”

“She explained to Michael that she was more afraid of losing her only child then losing her son because in the end it didn't really matter who he was so long as he was alive.”

“Alive?”

Sighing as he took a long drink of the atmosphere of the hotel before taking a drink of ginger ale, which was somewhat better then the alcohol he had been drinking, Joseph looked up at the ceiling.

“In the two or so years before these events happened both Maria and I noticed that Michael had become redrawn as the life just kind of drained out of him. The truth is both of us were so worried that Michael might do something stupid and hurt or kill himself.”

“So how did Michael react to that comment from his mother?”

“Not in the way you might think, with the mention of me Michael panicked as he asked his mother what I would think. Of course Maria did the right thing and assured Michael that if the doctors did tell him that he was meant to be a girl then she would deal with me and deal with me she did.”

A banging noise from the stage, which was caused when one of the dancers had knocked out a guy who had gotten a little too fresh with her distracted Joseph as the gathering of people in front of the stage turned into a free for all.

“Just ignore them, this happens at least once a night and frankly I think your story is far more important.” Holly stated.

“I was so mad you know, so very mad because I felt Maria had manipulated events to suit herself.”

“Care to explain that?”

“Well after Maria had sorted things out with Michael she still had to go shopping which she did. Now as Maria explained it, at the shopping centre she was having a hard time focusing because of everything that was going on in her mind so she bought a cup of orange juice and went to sit down.”

“How was that a manipulation of events?”

“It wasn't but as Maria explained it, while she was sitting down she noticed a mother shopping with her daughter at a fashion shop not far from where she sat. You see the thing is Maria had always wanted a daughter and before things went wrong that was what we were aiming for."

“So you thought she saw Michael as a chance to finally have the daughter she always wanted…”

“At the time yes and… well I don't know but Maria told me that as she sat there she found herself daydreaming about the idea that if Michael was really Michelle, then they could do all those things like shopping, Maria even admitted she took delight in the idea.”

“Oh okay I can see why you might have seen that as being a manipulation of the events.”

Sighing Joseph finished off the last of his ginger ale before turning back to face the darkness where Holly sat.

“Maria even admitted that she ended up buying Michael a set of female's clothing after remembering what he use to look at while they went shopping, now maybe it was an over reaction on my behalf but I saw that as her manipulating events to suit her own needs.”

“I can understand that I guess so what happened after that?” Holly questioned.

“Well Maria got Michael a doctors appointment, which led to an appointment with a psychiatrist. I'm not really sure what happened at the psychiatrist as all Maria ever told me was Michael had tested positive for gender identity disorder, which meant there would be many more appointments to help Michael sort things out.”

“So?”

“After that I don't know what happened, I guess Michael started living as Michelle because when I got home I didn't get greeted by my son. No what I got greeted by was a pretty young blonde woman, with cherry red lips, long red nails and small breasts. The young woman who greeted me in place of my son was wearing a pink top with long sleeves and low cut neckline as well as a short green skirt and she even wore small heels, which she was proficient in walking in.”

“Breasts?”

“Oh she… Michael ordered a small cheap pair of breast forms off the Internet and started wearing them in her… his bra, or so I was told.”

“I understand, the internet is a great source for young transgendered people and their family, I just wish it was around in my time… so did things go down hill from there?”

“Yeah things went down hill fast but not before the fat hit the fan you see when I first met this young woman I didn't know who she was until she said to me something like 'Hello daddy, it's me' which was so creepy on more then one level.”

“Yes I guess in a way it is.” Holly said as she shivered from the thought of a grown woman calling anyone daddy.

“After that things really went down hill, there were the fights, the arguments, the screaming matches, the tears and more fights, until one night Maria tossed my silly backside out the door because she saw it as the only way to protect her child.” Joseph said in a sad tone.

“You mentioned fighting so did you ever hit either of them?” Holly roared in a tone that Joseph felt scared of.

“No way…” Joseph said. “I despise any man who hits a woman for any reason at all, in fact there is no reason why a man should ever lay a hand on a woman.” Joseph stated honestly.

“So what did you mean by fighting?”

“The fights were slanging matches between Maria and myself over finding Michael a new psychiatrist, one who wouldn't be so quick to diagnose Michael as being transgendered. The arguments were between Michael and myself over how he wanted to dress and how he wanted to be called Michelle. Everything else was about the other elements to do with Michelle but you get the picture.”

“Do you regret what happened?”

“Of course I do, I regret everything that happened and more importantly I regret everything I said… In fact if I could travel back in time and shove my own hand in my past-self's mouth I would in the blink of an eye.”

“So what changed your views on Michelle, because it seems to me something has.”

“I don't know, after being kicked out by Maria I found myself hauled up in a grotty little hotel room with a leaky roof, which I felt and still feel was more then I deserved. As the weeks rolled by I found I was missing my wife and my child, in fact I missed them so much I didn't care if Michael was now Michelle, all I wanted was a second chance.”

“Second chances don't come easy.”

“I know that's why I've been to much of a coward to even try.”

Ordering up a fresh drink for herself and for Joseph because while she found his past actions rather repugnant Holly found she was deeply respectful of a man who realized he was in the wrong.

“So have you had any contact with Maria and Michelle since you were thrown out?”

“Yes and no, one day a few weeks ago during a rainstorm I saw Michelle, she was under a large red umbrella that she was holding and along with her were two other young women of her age, the thing was they were all giggling. Of course I made sure Michelle didn't see me. Joseph said.

“Why did you do that?”

“Because when I saw her, when I saw Michelle and saw how she was laughing as well as giggling I could see she was really happy. Not a fake happy but truly happy and I didn't want to ruin it for her.”

“Do you honestly think seeing her father again would have ruined her day?”

“Probably, she must hate me and she is right to do so as well. You know what I found myself thinking about, I found myself thinking that as Michael he had no friends at all but as Michelle she had a pair of friends, so Michelle was better off then Michael had ever been.”

“Did you really expect anything different?”

“I don't know and that's the point, there is no real hand book for, 'help me I'm a dad with a son who wants to be a girl, what do I do?'”

Taking a drink from his freshly refilled cup Joseph shifted his weight on the uncomfortable barstool as a new girl got up on the stage behind him.

“After that day I found myself bumping into Michelle far more often and I found out other things about her life such as the fact that she didn't have just two friends, she now had a whole gaggle of them both male and female.”

“Okay.” Holly said as she took a drink from her cup.

“The funny or sad thing is when I found out Michelle had male friends as well I found myself trying to work out which one of them might have been her boyfriend.”

“So did you ever work it out?”

“Nope, not a clue but it was a huge clue to myself that I had come to accept Michelle for what she was, a girl, my daughter who hated me.”

Taking a huge gulp of drink Joseph slammed his cup down on the bar so hard that the dead thump rang out and echoed off the filth-ridden walls of the hotel.

“You know what really annoys me, it's the fact that my wife is now working two jobs to keep herself and her daughter and my daughter is working a job she hates just to have enough money to live, while I'm rolling in cash I can't do anything with cept piss away on alcohol to deaden the pain I feel.”

Holly put her large jewelled hand on Joseph's sunken shoulder to try to reassure the poor almost broken man she saw before her.

“I think what you need to do is go back to your mangy hotel room, lay off the alcohol for a few days and then try to fix things with your wife and your daughter.”

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End of Part 1
 
(Should I Continue?)