Zachary Fuller wishes for some excitement in his life. Just then, a couple of creatures appear to grant him superpowers. But what happens if the creatures are horribly incompetent?

*****

I walked casually down the street, hands in my pockets. There was no need to rush, as I had no plans for today. My life was pretty boring after all.

I’m just your average twenty year old guy. I go to work, I come home, I sit around playing video games, then go to sleep. I get up the next day and do it all again.

I guess I should be thankful my life wasn’t filled with drama and hardship, but I couldn’t help but crave something more exciting.

Zachary Fuller.

I stopped upon hearing my name. It seemed to be spoken directly into my mind, and the voice was unusually high pitched. I looked around, and right behind me was something so bizarre that my body didn’t even know how to react.

It was a small gray cat, floating about five feet off the ground. It wore a white handkerchief around its neck, and its eyes contained a focus and intelligence I’d never seen in a cat before.

I stared at it for a few seconds, then squeezed my eyes shut and looked again. It was still there. I shut my eyes again and rubbed them. Still there.

Was it some kind of state of the art drone? I cautiously reached out and poked it with one finger. Hey! I heard the high pitched voice again, and the cat flinched back, giving me a dirty look somehow. Don’t poke me!

The fur had been soft, with the same feel as any other cat. And the cat seemed to be the one talking to me, although its mouth hadn’t moved.

Well then, I guess I was hallucinating. I took out my phone and started looking up where I could get a psych evaluation.

Zachary Fuller, you have been chosen to fight evil, and protect the innocent!

I stopped what I was doing and starred at it for several seconds, then when back to looking up mental health professionals.

Hey, are you listening? I’m here to grant you the power to fight evil. Pay attention!

“You’re just a figment of my imagination.” I said. Why was I talking to it?

I assure you I am real. I am Nekomaru, and I grant power to worthy candidates in the battle against evil.

“Yeah, right.” I said sarcastically. “Because real life is just like an anime.”

Very well. I’ll prove it. The cat put his front paws close together. A tiny spec of pink light appeared right between his paw pads, slowly growing to the size of a golf ball.

It became brighter, to the point my eyes began to sting. A wind started blowing from the direction of the ball of light, almost as if originating from it.

My hair and clothes swayed in the wind. Maybe I could see and hear things, but I couldn’t make the wind blow with my mind. Could this be real?

The ball of light reshaped itself and solidified into an oval gem that looked sort of like a brooch. This is your Power Gem. Take it.

Unsure what to believe, I slowly reached forward and closed my hand around the gem. I felt a surge of energy in me, like I could run a marathon and not even break a sweat. This…this was real?!

To truly harness your power, you must transform. Hold the gem to your chest and say the words. Cherry Blossom Power, Transform!

“What? Cherry blossom…huh?”

It almost sounded like the cat sighed at me. No. Say it right. Cherry Blossom Power, Transform!

That seemed rather silly, but this whole situation was absurd. “Uh, okay. Cherry blossom power…transform?”

The light from the gem flashed out, blinding me completely. I felt my clothing melt away and my body burning with energy. I was being reshaped, and new clothes were forming in place of my old.

The gem disappeared from my hand, and suddenly the light was gone. I stumbled a bit, my body feeling odd.

I looked down at myself, and my jaw dropped in shock. My outfit was not at all what I expected it to be. On my feet I wore pink Mary Janes with a chunky high heel. From there, white socks reached up to my knees. Above was an absurdly short pink pleated skirt. I had what looked like a schoolgirl’s white sailor shirt with a pink ribbon for my top. The power gem had embedded itself in the center of my shirt’s chest.

Somehow, my fingernails had been painted a pink to match the skirt and shoes, and my hair had turned blonde and fell in two twin tails down to my chest.

But the biggest change was the two cantaloupe sized breasts beneath my shirt. I grabbed them in shock, and discovered they were real somehow. In a sudden realization, my hands flew to my crotch to discover my favorite body part was now missing. The rest of my body had become girlish to match.

“What the hell?!” I squeaked in a girly high pitched voice. “What did you do?! You turned me into a magical girl!”

Yes. I find young girls with potential and I grant them the power they need to fight evil.

I blinked at the cat, in disbelief at what it just said. Er, thought? Communicated. “What? Are you stupid? Do I look like a young girl to you?!”

He floated closer and squinted at me. Why yes. You do.

I clenched my teeth. Was he deliberately acting dumb? “I meant before you transformed me! I’m not a girl, you fleabag. I’m a twenty year old MAN.”

The cat looked surprised. That cannot be. I have the mission document right here. He seemed to paw at a spot near his leg as if there was a pocket there. Somehow it produced a folded piece of paper. The paper simply floated in front of the cat and unfolded itself.

It says right here. Zachary Fuller. I am to deliver the power to become a magical gir…huh?

“Huh? What do you mean, huh? Talk, hairball.”

Well…funny story. It seems I mixed up my documents with a colleague of mine. My colleague, The Being of Dark Justice, is supposed to grant you the dark powers of an antihero. I was supposed to give magical girl powers to a thirteen year old girl in Japan.

What the hell? “Are you for real?”

It giggled in embarrassment. Well, I did think Zachary Fuller was an unusual name for a Japanese girl, but I didn’t want to be judgmental.

I told myself not to strangle him, because I still needed him to turn me back to normal. “And you didn’t notice I wasn’t a Japanese girl when you saw me?”

No. I am sixteen thousand years old after all. My eyes aren’t as sharp as they used to be.

“Great. So now what? How about you fix this?”

Um, of course. Let me just call my colleague. He summoned a smart phone of all things and dialed a number. After a couple of rings, someone picked up. I couldn’t hear them, but the cat could, apparently.

Hey, Being of Dark Justice, it’s Nekomaru. Somehow his mouth still wasn’t moving even as he talked on the phone. Yeah, it was a great barbecue. I especially liked the…uh… He must have noticed me glaring at him. Actually, let’s talk about that later. Can you check your mission document? I think we got them mixed up.

Uh huh. Oh really? Wow, okay. Sure, talk to you later. He hung up and put his phone away somewhere. So, good news, The Being of Dark Justice is going to come and give you the correct powers in about an hour. He’s on his union mandated lunch break right now.

Yeah, that sounded about right. I almost wanted to tell them to forget it so I wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore, but I deserved something after all this aggravation.

I better get these magical girl powers over to the right person, so let me just… He put his paw on the gem in my chest. My whole body was enveloped in pink light, which then condensed into the gem. He pulled it away, and I was suddenly back in my regular clothes. But there was a problem.

“What the hell?” I cried in my still girly voice. My hands went to my chest and gripped the breasts that were still there. “Hey, why didn’t I-“

I must go. I’m behind schedule already and I don’t need another write up. He turned into a ball of light and began floating upward. Sorry for the mixup.

“Hey, wait a sec-“ He shot up and away, disappearing from view. I stared after him. He left me as a girl and took off. What the hell? Now what?

Well, the other guy was supposed to be coming in an hour. He better be able to fix me.

I went back to my house and waited. After a while of playing with my boobs to pass the time, the lights seemed to dim. It continued until everything around me was a black void, but strangely I could still see myself perfectly fine.

Zachary Fuller. The voice was very deep. Too deep to be human. It seemed to come from inside my mind, just like that cat’s voice. Do you desire to punish the wicked?

Oh, this must be that dark justice whatever his name was. “Uh, yeah.” I responded. “Punishing the wicked sounds pretty nice.”

Something came into focus right in front of me. It was like a floating hooded cloak. There were no legs, and the hood showed only a black void. Two skeletal arms hung limp in a creepy manner.

You have been chosen to bring justice to the most vile among you. One arm raised and held its palm up. What looked like a miniature suit of armor appeared right above. Take this, and you will have the power you require.

The suit of armor was black with dark purple highlights, and plenty of spikes on the arms and shoulders. It looked both intimidating and badass. “Woah. Now that’s what I’m talking about. Lay it on me.”

The mini suit floated toward me and I grabbed it with both hands. My body was hit with a rush of power, not unlike when I grabbed the power gem. I felt the cold hard metal of armor fitting itself to my body.

I glanced down to see how cool I would look, and it wasn’t at all what I expected. The armor left most of my body uncovered. I had on a pair of knee length boots, then bare skin until the crotch area, where I was wearing what looked like a metal bikini bottom. My torso was uncovered up to my chest, where the skimpiest bikini top imaginable covered only my nipples. My shoulders had spiked plates on them, and then my arms were bare aside from two metal bangles at my wrists.

The worst part was, I was still a woman. If anything my breasts were even bigger now, and the curves of my body were even more lust inducing. My hair had become black and waist length, and lazily floated around me like it was underwater. “What the hell?!” My voice was now less girly and cutesy, and had more of a breathy feminine allure. “What have you done to me? This doesn’t look like the armor at all.”

The armor manifests itself to the most appropriate form for its wielder.

I looked at the barely existent bikini top. “This is your idea of appropriate?”

Henceforth you shall be the warrior for justice: Iron Seductress.

“What? What kind of stupid name is that? And why am I still a woman?”

There was a small pause. Why wouldn’t you be? Why did he sound less cool all of a sudden?

“Because I’m a guy. Your friend turned me into a girl with his powers. Why didn’t yours turn me into the big manly warrior you showed me?”

Wait, you’re a man? Why do you look like a woman?

Maybe I wouldn’t have to worry about getting back to normal, because I was a few seconds away from having an aneurysm due to frustration. “Ask your friend. That cat. He gave me magical girl powers and turned me into a chick. Then he took them away but I didn’t change back for some reason.”

That’s strange. Uh, let me look in the manual. He pulled out a large book from inside his cloak and skimmed through it. Let’s see. Hellfire. Lasers. Ah, here we are, magical girls.

Several seconds passed of him making little “hmm” sounds. Finally he snapped the book closed and put it away. Transformation is done using magical girl powers. If the power was revoked while you were in a transformed state, you wouldn’t have any magic left to transform back.

“So that dumb cat left me stuck like this? But how come I didn’t transform into the manly warrior when you gave me the armor?”

The armor does not affect your gender. It merely enhances your physique and skill.

I glared at him. “You know what? I don’t care about the explanation. Just do whatever you have to do to turn me back into a man.”

It sounded like he sighed. That’s not really in my job description. I’m just supposed to deliver the power-

“Well you and your friend got me into this when you mixed up your documents, so you’re both responsible.”

Fine. He sounded put out. I’ll call Nekomaru and see if he can fix this. He pulled out his smart phone and dialed a number. It answered a moment later. Yo, Neko, my man. What’s good?

What the hell was I witnessing?

Uh huh, so I’m over here with the Fuller dude, and he’s saying you turned him into a chick. Yeah, because you took the powers before he transformed back.

He laughed. He actually laughed. I wondered if my powers made me strong enough to beat these guys up.

Oh, really? Great. Yeah, I’ll let him know. Hey, we’re still on for poker this Friday, right? Awesome, talk to you later.

He hung up and put his phone away. Hearing his side of the conversation gave me some hope.

Yeah, so there’s nothing we can do. Sorry. And there went my hope. He already gave the power to a Japanese girl, and she’s in the middle of fighting the alien monster.

“So what the hell are you saying? I’m stuck like this forever?”

Well, you could try contacting customer service and lodging a complaint. They should get back to you in three to five business days.

I stared at him. “You can’t be serious. I have to wait three to five days before I can be a guy again?”

Just download the superpower distribution app and follow the instructions. It’s very user friendly. Oh, and while you’re on there, if you could leave me a five star review, that would really help-

“Get out!” He faded away, and the light in the room returned to normal, leaving me alone. “Idiot.”

With no other options, I downloaded the app and filed a complaint, spelling out exactly what those two did to me. I then found their information and left a one star review for both of them.

I flopped on the couch, wondering what I should do to pass the time until they got back to me.

Well, I had these new superpowers. I might as well learn how to use them in the meantime.

I experimented with transforming back and forth between my “normal” self, that being the girly version created by the magical girl powers, and the (barely) armored mommy version.

I then tested my abilities like strength, speed, agility, and reaction time. Everything was incredibly enhanced.

I spent the days in the bad neighborhoods, beating up violent criminals and delivering them to police stations to be processed.

Eventually, I received a call from an unknown number. “Hello?”

“Yes, hello Mr. Full? This is Brian with Superpower Distributions. I understand you filed a complaint about the service you received? I just wanted to follow up and see if I could resolve your issue.”

“First of all,” I replied. “My name is Fuller, not Full. And you guys sure took a long time getting back to me.”

“Yes, well, we do stipulate that it often takes three to five business days to process a complaint.”

“I filed that complaint eight months ago.”

“….what can I help you with, today?”

What were they doing for eight months that they still needed to ask what my issue is? I quickly explained what happened.

“I see. Well, let me put you on hold for just a minute while I speak to my supervisor.” Twenty seven minutes later he returned. “Okay, Mr. Full, so I spoke to my supervisor and unfortunately we aren’t able to do anything about your issue. It seems Nekomaru is on sabbatical and won’t be returning until March of next year. What I can do is offer you a ten dollar Visa gift card as an apology.”

“You know what? Forget it. I’d rather be stuck like this than ever have to deal with you again. You guys have the worst customer service I’ve ever seen, and that includes the DMV. And stop spamming my email with your advertisements.”

I hung up and went to my mirror, taking in the girly looking woman in the reflection. I felt relief. Relief that I wouldn’t have to deal with anyone from that organization anymore.

I may be stuck as a woman, but at least there was some excitement in my life. I guess.

I still had a city to save. And I was the only one for the job. The Iron Seductress!

….man, what a stupid name.

End.

Thanks for reading.