Chapter 17

There was a knock on my door as I stood there and opened it to see the two comediennes.

“Julia, sweet cheeks. We had to come and welcome you to the home of bedlam, and to thank you for the friendship you showed us in Hawaii.”

“We hardly had a dozen words when we were there. You were off, filming, on the other side of the island. Congratulations on your scene. When I first saw it, I nearly fell off my chair for laughing. I was told that it was all ad-libs.”

“You bet ya’ bippy, babe. We were both in character and it all came out. We’ve already been asked to perform together on stage, with a double stand-up. No, we appreciated that when we did speak, you were kind and respectful. It doesn’t happen often enough for us. Everyone takes that self-depreciating act as what we are and tries to out-gag us.”

“You will have guessed, ladies, that comedy isn’t my thing. If I had started cracking jokes when I was working as cabin crew, the passengers would have clubbed together and tossed me out of the plane.”

“So, the hype is right, you really were a stewardess?”

“That’s right. When we filmed us in the plane, everyone working as a stewardess really was. Have you actually seen the film, yet?”

“Not right through. We’ve seen our bits, but not the lot. It seems to have done well, in the U.K, but the U.S. is a different market. David’s previous film was all right, good enough for him to be well-thought of.”

“I’m waiting to see how we go, here, myself. I’ll be back in England before the weekend results are posted, I’m hoping that we clear thirty million. That would be really good.”

“It certainly would, and we hope that you’re right. Something that good would do us as well. It would certainly let us thumb our noses at the new acts who make fun of us both as being over the hill.”

I got them some drinks from the bar in the room, and we sat and talked for some time. They were both well-travelled, and we talked about places we had all been to. When it got close to dinner, they escorted me to the hotel dining room, where we were looked after like royalty. My companions were true stage royalty, but I wasn’t used to this level of service.

We were the only ones from our party who dined there, until Jeff joined us.

“I knocked on your door, Julia, but there was no answer, so I came looking for you.”

I introduced him to the other two as my fiancé, and also a starter in Kym’s next film. He was seated at the fourth chair and a setting placed in front of him. We all ordered our meal, and he joined in the conversation. He told the ladies that he had loved their acts, but had the feeling that it was all scripted, until he saw the taxi scene and had been told that it was ad-lib.

“We both have notes for the stand-up, dear boy, but a lot of what we say comes to us as we react to the audience. On that set, we were doing it for the crew, and the sightseers. Put us in a studio, and you’d hardly get a peep out of us.”

Over dinner, we got friendly, and they offered to show the two of us a few of the sights on Friday. We had a group hug, as we said goodnight, and Jeff walked me back to my room. In the room, we kissed a bit, until he had to go to his room to get some sleep.

My room had a big bathroom, with a big bath. I ran a hot bath, with fragrant oils, and undressed. I laid in the bath until I was nearly asleep, and then got out to dry myself. Pulling the plug I found my nightie, got into one of the softest beds I’d known, and drifted off to sleep.

In the morning, I was woken by the bedside phone ringing. When I answered, I was asked what I would like for breakfast, and that it would be brought to my room, along with my outfit for the day. When I queried that, I was told that my day has been planned by the dress designer and would be an escorted coach tour of the sights, some the same sights that we would have seen with our two friends.

After I had eaten, showered, and got myself dressed and made up, I looked in the mirror and posed in Real Housewives style. It was a true day-dress that could grace the show, in a light blue and barely hiding my bum. The heels were higher than I had ever worn before, and I took some time, walking around the suite, before I was brave enough to fill the matching clutch and leave the room.

When I got down to reception, I found that I wasn’t the only one in light blue, and that we all had very short dresses. My two new friends were there and commiserated with me, saying that being highjacked by one of the backers was par for the course. They weren’t part of the group, and I realised that it was just me and the other girls. The designer walked in with Kym on his arm, and we all followed him to the coach. It was funny, watching the others get on the coach, but it did allow me to see how it was done, being side-on as you lifted one leg onto the first step.

It was an interesting day. We did the usual hot-spots – the Statue of Liberty, Fifth Avenue, and the like. We were also taken to many of the best fashion houses, where his goods were retailed, and shown though the back rooms where the real work was done. Everywhere we went, we were escorted by heavies in two SUV’s, and a photo crew who posed us at every stop. I could see why Kym put up with this; the outfits we were wearing would have taken ten grand off the bottom line, each. If he would be supplying different outfits for different scenes, it would take a big chunk off the shooting costs.

Back at the hotel, he thanked us all for being good sports, and told us that the dresses were ours. I didn’t know about the others, but I think that mine would languish in the wardrobe until I found a skirt that looked good, so I could wear it as a long tunic.

I went and changed, and then found some of the others in the bar. Jeff was there, and regaled me with his day, sightseeing with our two friends. Dinner tonight was a long table with most of the bigger stars and their partners. It was a little boisterous, with those who had seen the film commenting on various scenes for those who hadn’t, as well as the protests in London. The film would be opening across the country with the matinee session, and the red-carpet event was set for eight, so we had most of tomorrow free. I say free, but all of the girls were booked into a salon for the afternoon, and then there would be a light dinner, followed by dressing.

We had been booked for a TV interview in the morning. The designer asked us to wear the dresses we had on today, as the colour showed well on screen. That was all right, as it would allow some folks with time on their hands to decide to head for the pictures. We sat around and talked a bit, after dinner, and mostly decided that an early night was the way to go.

The interview was interesting. Of course, Kurt and Jack were featured, with some clips from the film. Of course, the two comediennes had a lot of time, with some clips from their scenes, but not the final part. They had a right royal time, sending each other up and talking back to the interviewer, who wasn’t used to guests calling him out. I suppose that’s why he was a bit nasty when he turned to me and asked me about the claim that I was a guy. I stood up, in the very short skirt, sashayed over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Now, did you just think you’d been kissed by a bloke. That article has been withdrawn, which you should have known if you’d done some research. That’s the only answer you’re getting on that subject. I’m here to talk about the film, and the fabulous actors in it, not scandalous gossip.”

One of our American friends piped up.

“That’s what he does, honey. Give him a fact and he can’t handle it.”

The audience roared with laughter, which the studio manager couldn’t stop. The interviewer went red in the face and called for a break. While the public was seeing adverts, I went and sat down, and things were brought back to normal.

After that, he was more interested in the film, and we ended up coming out in front, I think. We all trooped off, back to the hotel, for lunch and to change into something easy for the salon. When we re-assembled, for the dinner, we were all very clean, hair dressed and made up. Even the guys had enhancements, but very subtle. After that, it was back to our rooms, with a dresser to help us get changed.

My outfit was not quite over the top, in fact, it was not quite over me. I was glad that the salon had worked on merging my skin with the forms. My outfit was true Housewives – shoulder-less and legless, pretty close to a very wide red belt. If I thought that the light blue was slutty, this one took the cake. I didn’t need, or could even wear, a bra. For the rest of the outfit, I had nude tights with nude panties, and heels that gave me vertigo. This was one time when I envied Jeff in a dinner suit. I wondered whether the designer was testing my patience or my male ego.

Jeff, of course, thought I was beautiful, and I had to tell him not to hug me, in case something fell out, nor could he kiss me, because we needed to keep the make-up pristine. We were put into cars in the underground garage, which was good, as it was cold outside. At the venue, I must have looked ill with goose bumps in the walk between the car and the entrance, but they did have hot air blowers which took the edge off. I didn’t have time to speak to anyone, on the way in, but I did wave to the far-right evangelists, with their placards. Their diction was worse than the protesters in London.

I had more pictures taken of me, in a short time, than ever before. We were taken over to various TV crews and well-dressed lady presenters, who all gushed and pushed their own narrative, while asking inane questions. The film was – well, the film. They laughed, cheered, and cried at the right times. The taxi scene got applause when it faded to the next scene. I think our friends were going to do very well out of their cameo appearance, however minor.

The party was interesting, a lot of male guests wanting to put a hand on my shoulders. I would have to get used to it, once I’d had the operation, as I could see all of the other female stars getting the same treatment. I suppose that I had better be glad that this occasion had given me the chance to show that there wasn’t a speck of male Jamie left. The dress, or lack of it, would have been something I would have run away from if I hadn’t been forced into it. And I say that, literally. If I had eaten anything, I think that you could have seen it going down.
I did get a chance to talk to C.J. at the party. He told me that he was very happy how the film had turned out and said that Kym’s alterations had improved it. When we left, someone kindly gave me a faux fur coat to put on. At the hotel, it, the dress, and the heels, were taken after the dresser had helped me. She told me that they would be on show, in the foyer of the cinema, along with the other outfits we wore. Peeling off the tights, then cleansing, I slipped on a nightie and tried to sleep. Today would be the watershed. My future would depend on how we did over this weekend.

It was a wintery sunlight that came through the bedroom window when I pulled the curtains back. I had finally slept well and was ready to face the day. The designer couldn’t get me into anything more revealing, could he? The answer was that we went the other way today. To appease the hard-right, and most Americans, we were all going to church. Not just any church, but the Cathedral Church of Saint John the Divine. It had been in many films as a great location, so was ideal for those of us that joined the congregation, with our attendant photographers, of course.

My outfit was right out of ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ with a little hat to make a statement. I loved it and loved it even more when I was told that it was one to keep. We had the afternoon off, and I was able to spend some quality time with Jeff. This weekend was the one that taught him what being a star was really about. It was hard work making the film, but sometimes harder promoting it.

Those of us going back to London flew out in the morning. It was a happy, yet sad, time for us. Our involvement in the film would be only from interviews from now on, with, perhaps, appearances in other countries if it got taken up. What was now looming, for me, was the operations. For our other stars, it was waiting to see how much their percentages would give them. I knew, that if we did as well as the U.K., I would have enough to see me right for some time to come.

I had just come away from the specialist, on Wednesday, when my phone received a text from Jim. Our weekend in the U.S. had achieved eighty-five million. I had earned one point seven million, U.S., in two days. I had to find a seat, as I read it a second time. The receptionist asked me if I was all right and I told her that I felt faint.

“That’s usual when some of our patients realise that their dreams are about to come true. I’ll get you some water.”

She came back with a small cup of iced water, and I sipped it, while coming back into the real world. Feeling better, I went out to the car, where Colin was looking at the paper.

“Are you all right, Miss Leigh? You look a bit pale.”

“I’m good, Colin. Can you take me to the agency, please. I think I might be there a while, so I’ll call a cab when I’m ready to go home.”

At the office, I was shown right through to see a beaming Jim who had already bought a Lamborghini key ring. That small item lightened my feelings, and we had a detailed discussion with Horatio joining us. I was told that Kym’s producer had sent an email offering me two million as an up-front payment, to which Jim had replied that I was worth four. He laughed as he told me that the dance always happened, even when everyone knew that the result would be meeting in the middle.

While we were talking, his secretary brought in an email, which he looked at.

“Julia, before I talk about this email, can you please tell me, with your knowledge of the next film, what the story is. This is from Kym, and she says that it’s all right. It won’t go outside the three of us but will be important as I negotiate the payments to other clients on my books.”

“All right. The film has a working title of “Thirteen Women.” The opening scene has Jeff, as the young detective, going to pick up my daughter for a date. The radio is playing the song, the Bill Haley version. The words have a meaning through the film. There are a number of families in this city, who are the cream of society. Two are in the restaurant business, two are bankers, and two have high-end fashion outlets. They are the main six wives that Kym, Cynthia, Moyra, Belle, Wanda, and me play. The song has a jeweller, three dancers and three that deal with expensive cars. The five other stewardesses that were in the pictures in Monaco will be taking up those parts, with others that I’m yet to know being the remaining two. I think that the original thoughts were that there would be thirteen families, but Kym mentioned to me, in New York, that she was paring it back so that the remaining seven are family members, all daughters.”

“OK, that sounds good.”

“The film is all glitz and glam, with the first murder happening about twenty minutes in. I won’t bore you with the detail, but Jeff’s character discovers the identities of the murderers, which leads to the screen test scene that you’ve seen. He gets found in a hamburger joint.”

“That fits with what I have here. What about the sequel?”

“OK. Kurt, as the lieutenant, takes over the case when the Chief tells him what Jeff had said, in the argument. He solves the case and is closing in on the women, who are all now known to be a witches coven. The final scenes are of Kurt organising a raid and approaching the mansion where Kym lives, having a running gun battle with the six husbands, interspersed with scenes of the thirteen changing into satanic gowns and laying out a circle in the dining room. In the final scene, he breaks down the doors and rushes in, to find thirteen empty gowns, in a circle, with a nasty smell in the air.”

“How does that lead to the sequel?”

“Jeff and I were visiting Canterbury Cathedral, and we met Kurt and Kym looking for backgrounds. She had given me some inklings and told me that her search was for the following film. I guessed that the most inappropriate concept was that the thirteen have reappeared as nuns. She told me I was right, and I now know that they would be ‘Sisters of the Great Angel’. I haven’t seen any screenplay for that, yet.”

Jim looked at Horatio and they both cracked up.

“That’s priceless. In one film Kym pisses off the cream of society and angers the rabid right, in the next she attacks the Church of England and the Catholics in one hit. They’re both marketing gold. Now, this email has some changes to the story that she’s come up with, since ‘Turbulence’. The two, wonderful, taxi drivers are going to be workers in the hamburger joint. There are some scenes with them and Jeff, and the reason that Jeff was in the place was to leave a package for them, which he has told them to only give to someone who asks for it. He had hidden the package before he was killed.”

“OK, that would work.”

“The two are already signed, sealed, and delivered for the film. She also tells me who will be playing your daughter.”

He named Samantha Zeering, a young sex-bomb who had hit the screens last year. Jeff was going to have a lot of fun when they did scenes, and I knew some of those scenes were almost, but not quite, porn. I was going to have to get him to agree to an arrangement, similar to Kym and Kurt’s.

“How are you going to play her mother, when you’re not that much older?”

“Jim, it’s the movies. They’ll make me look into my forties, and then the designer will give me clothes suitable for a teenager. It’s classic Housewives. That’s no biggie. What else does she say?”

“She says that all contracts with the main cast will be for the two films, so we’ll have to negotiate with the producer if he hasn’t been told this. She has also spoken with her director, who is available for the U.S. shooting, but not for the studio work, which will take place here, where you did the indoor work. They’ve discussed this and Kym wants you to do the directing in the studio, because of the way you interact with the rest of the cast, as well as your knowledge of the screen play.”

“Wow! That’s not something I expected.”

“It means that we’ll need to set a figure on that basis, for you as the whole package of actor and director for both films.”

As he was talking, the secretary came in with another email, and a big smile on her face.

“This is from the producer. He has been told about the arrangement and is making an offer. He’ll pay you twenty thousand U.S. if we agree today, and you sign the contract by the end of the week. He’s also offered a flat rate for both films, with directing credits, of twelve million. Do we need to negotiate?”

“Somehow, Jim, I think that you’d better ask him to send the contract over. I’m happy with that, and all the girls will be happy to know that they have ongoing work. Jeff will be over the moon, although he’ll have to look a lot different if he’s also in the sequel.”

“Good work, Julia. The proceeds of these two will put a garage over my new Lambo. I just have to see where I want to put it. On that front, my staff have come up with three places for you to have a look at. If you see anything you like, Michael will be with you and can sign the lease on behalf of the agency. Do you have the time?”

“If you’re putting up the money, Jim, I’ve got the time.”

Michael was called in and told to take me to lunch and then to the three addresses on the papers. I asked him if we could pick up Jeff on the way round and then rang Jeff to see if he was clear. When he said that he was, I told him that we were on our way. Michael didn’t have a flash Alfa, he had a very nice Jaguar, and we stopped to pick up Jeff. He got in the back.

We stopped for a nice lunch, then we went to see the first property. It was what Roger had advocated, a large apartment in a new tower, with car parking and all the extras, like a gym, pool, and office space. To me, it was antiseptic, with no feeling. Even my own place was more homely. The second property was, again, in a tower, well to the south and close to the studio. It was bigger but didn’t grab me. The third, like the Mystery House on TV, was further out. I loved it, having been cooped up in a tower for several years.

Marianne Gregory © 2024