Kate Draffen (Chapter 40)

By Swishy

Gemma Taylor is a 17-year-old girl living in a town in Australia. She was once Michael Taylor until she became Australia's second sufferer of SGR. Over a period of three months she has learnt a lot about being a 'her' but even more about being herself. Her Debutante Ball is on tonight and you are all invited.

The Last Chapter.

CHAPTER 40

Marrang doesn't really seem like the type of town that would do a roaring trade out of Limousine hire but the night of the Deb Ball the town was full of them. Well, maybe not full but there were three. One that was mainly for weddings in the town and two more brought down especially from Geelong to cash in on students who thought it was important to arrive at the Deb Ball in limos. Most people were getting driven there by their parents, but that wasn't good enough for the A Group. They needed everything to be perfect otherwise the night and thus the rest of their life would be ruined. I knew that my life didn't really need another limo but Alana and Lilly were my friends and I wanted to share their excitement.

Aaron was a little confused. "So, we rushed to my house from school so that we could get into a limo and drive to school again?" he asked, looking out the window.

"I know, it's kinda dumb," I agreed while checking my dress for marks, "But we're going the long way to school so you can enjoy the ride." The limo had been driving around the town picking up all the couples, Aaron and I were the last stop before school. My phone beeped and told me that they weren't far away.

"Should I give you my present now?" Aaron asked me. It was tradition that a Debutante and her partner exchange presents on the day. I'm not sure who came up with that idea but everyone seemed to follow it. The girls usually bought the boys something like a hip flask, a nice pen or something else like that; boring and adult. The girls tended to receive flowers or jewellery or something along those lines.

"Mum has your present," I sheepishly explained, "I forgot to bring it with me."

"Doesn't matter," he said as his broad frame disappeared through a door, "I can still give you yours." I liked Aaron's house. He wasn't rich like Alana and he wasn't poor like my family was, it was just a nice, roomy home. Framed photographs of his family filled all available wall space. It was interesting to see Aaron through the years, getting fatter and fatter until one photo where it turned around and he became the muscular, broad guy he now was. Although it was sad to see a family photo in a hospital room and then no more photos of Aaron's Mum.

"Wow," I looked amazed at a photo that must have been only a year or two old, "You were quite portly." I tried to phrase my words nicely, but it did sound mean.

"And you, were rather butch, Gemma," Aaron smiled to let me know he was just teasing. "But we've changed," he flexed an arm but the tuxedo hid the bulge of his muscle. He handed me a small, immaculately wrapped present.

"Both for the better, I think," I said, "It would have been impossible to think that Chubby Lekakis would be taking Michael Taylor to the Deb Ball as his partner and that we'd be arriving in a limo with the Group A crowd."

"Or that your boobs would be bigger than mine," Aaron did have a hefty pair of man-boobs. I laughed as I fumbled with the wrapping paper; it was hard unwrapping things while wearing silk gloves. Both Aaron and I had changed a lot over the past few months and I think that was one of the reasons we had become close friends. Here we were surrounded by all this attention and acclaim, not used to being treated so well by our new 'popular' friends. Aaron Lekakis was much more of my male counterpart than John Draffen because Aaron was embracing the change, he had himself a Group A girlfriend, but he also didn't forget where he came from and was still friends with his peer group before he slimmed down and bulked up to his very pleasing size.

It was a jewellery box. A small, black wooden box with ornate painting all over the lid, it was simply gorgeous.

Aaron nervously rubbed the back of his neck, "I know you've probably got all of the 'girl' things you need but my sister said girls can never have too many jewellery boxes."

It was a touching gesture and I smiled warmly at him, "Thanks." He looked remarkably cute and I wished I could have given him a peck on the cheek, but settled on a hug instead.

"Open it," he instructed. The latch popped open and I lifted the lid. A couple, poised for dancing, began doing so as the jewellery box chimed its merry tune. She was dressed in a beautiful gown and he in a tuxedo. They were about one inch tall but their diminutive size did not dwindle their desire to dance.

"Oh, it's a music box too!" I sighed.

"Yeah, I think that's supposed to be man and wife, but it sorta doubles for us, right?" he sounded worried that I would take it as some sort of coded marriage proposal.

"Aaron, it's awesome and I totally don't have a jewellery box. You did good." The horn for the limo beeped and we scurried to get ready. I secretly wished Lilly would break up with him in the limo so that I could ask him out. I just hoped he would like the present I got him; two tickets to The Killers concert in Melbourne.

And I hoped he'd take me.

***

"So do you think Holly is going to do anything crazy tonight?" asked Becca.

The limo was very packed for two reasons: 1) It was expensive, so more people meant less money and 2) Group A was a tight-knit group and they all wanted to share this day together. Inside the limo was Alana and Tall-Jason, Lilly and Louis, Becca and Matty and lastly, me and Aaron. The rest of Group A had hired one of the other limos. It was a tight squeeze and 'unfortunately' I was practically on Aaron's lap, much to the chagrin of Lilly.

"Why would she do anything crazy?" asked Alana.

"Cos," reminded Becca, "She went on A Current Affair whinging about Gemma. She's such a bitch!" It was weird hearing that from Becca, who I considered to be the most congenial of the Group A girls.

Tall-Jason commented, "What she going to do: rip off her dress and demand everyone look at her?"

"Everyone is going to be looking at her anyway, Sobey is the worstest dancer there!" Matty laughed at Sobey's two left feet. It was true, I was quite an accomplished dancer and Holly's replacement partner spent most of the time looking at his feet and still getting it wrong.

Holly had not said a word to me for months now. At first, I was hurt. She was a really good friend and I didn't have a clue what had made her so despondent to me. I mean, I could understand her not wanting to continue her friendship with a 'freak' but outwardly campaigning against me was such a low blow. That didn't endear her to anyone. She used to be a social butterfly, flittering between different cliques and charming everyone but now she spent every lunchtime behind the Art room with her grungy boyfriend. Rumour had it that she was going to change schools as soon as the Deb was finished, but at Marrang College there wasn't necessarily truth behind every rumour.

"You are so going to show her when you arrive looking so beautiful, Gemma," Lilly gushed.

"I'm don't think you can win back friends with just a pretty dress," I told Lilly, "Holly didn't want me doing the Deb at all, so looking good is just going to annoy her." I felt a pang of smugness knowing that I really did look quite good.

"Well, you're going to be tons more pretty than her, she has a weird shaped nose," Becca informed me. I hadn't noticed, when I had a crush on her she was easily the most beautiful girl in the world.

The conversation, thankfully, drifted away from the topic of Holly. Being in a limo, on the way to a ball, with us all looking as close to a million dollars as possible was far too overstimulating to keep us focused on any topic for too long. We laughed, complimented each other, and gossiped about our dresses and what we thought the other girls would wear. The night was a whirl of excitement and I couldn't help but enjoy every second of it. Being the 'cool kids' of course we all had a cheeky champagne, clinking our glasses merrily. Alcohol was banned at the event itself and most of us were still two years away from the legal drinking age but it lent itself to the sense of occasion.

We all arrived at the school hall like movie stars, being in the A Group was a lot like being a movie star, everyone gossiped about you, was interested in your private life and was quite happy to see you fall from grace. In some ways however, there were a few things different from our arrival to one of movie stars arriving at a film premiere-
1) We weren't being paid $10 million a movie, most of us were being paid minium wage at Red Rooster.
2) We weren't walking into a glorious theatre, it was more a hall/basketball courts.
And…
4) There were no photographers clamouring to take our photos.

None. All of the media had paid attention to our press conference and have left me to have my special night alone. I thought maybe one or two may break the rules and security would have to escort them away but it appeared like the press had given me a break. I was almost disappointed.

We emerged out of the limo and into the car park, laughing and joking as teens often do. The thrill and excitement of the night entered my lungs and lit up my eyes. Alana, Becca and Lilly all looked amazing and they all wore very different dresses. When I was a boy, I have to admit that all the dresses kinda looked the same: white, silky and bridal. The main difference to me was whether or not the dress showed some cleavage or none at all. Mine showed cleavage, with boobs like mine you kinda had to, but now as a woman I could notice all the delicate stitching and incredible detail that went into it. Alana's dress was a simple dress, with a sleek bodice that had spaghetti straps and a straight skirt, Lilly's was long, flowing and backless, exposing her toned back, Becca went a little too frilly I think with bows and lace all about the place. The boys all wore identical suits and probably only noticed which dresses showed cleavage.

We were the last couples to arrive at the hall. Becca's Mum was like the head of the Deb Committee or something like that so we were all able to scam the last photo times. Each couple had to have their photos taken by a professional photographer and since there were 25 couples and each couple took like 5 minutes to photograph, some couples had to be at the school, dressed and ready 2 whole hours before we arrived. Naturally, those couples felt a little cheated when almost the entirety of the A group had the best photo times. But I had an excuse, I had a press conference, so I didn't feel as bad as I probably should.

The backstage area was filled with mini brides and their partners. Some gossiping and admiring, a card game had broke out between the people who had been there for hours. The room was excited and bored at the same time, everyone itching to get in front of the crowd. I stood back as Alana and Lilly squealed and gushed over some of the other A Group members, Alison looked stunning and so did Danielle. They weren't Group A girls for no reason.

"Oh wow! I love the hair!"

"So you decided to wear the longer gloves? Cool!"

"Oh my god! Losing that weight was sooo worth it!"

"The tiara really suits you, Lilly!"

The circle of girls was a flurry of genuine compliments and general squealiness. I stood just on the outside, looking in at the storm of flattery. As much as I was a good friend of these girls I was still a little shy. I wasn't officially a Group A girl, mainly because I shared my friend time between them and Dot, Glen and Kev, but also because I wasn't 'officially' a girl either. While the Group A girls all treated me so nice, I knew that they were more fascinated by me as an experiment than as a dear friend.

"Wow, Gemma," Danielle said, widening the circle to envelope me, "Your dress is amazing!"

"Thanks," I said with just a hint of shyness, "You're looking tops, yourself! Love your hair." The hair compliment was genuine, I had become better as noticing things that girls notice and Danielle's long black hair looked great, all curly and piled atop of her head.

"You're just saying that because your sister did it!" Danielle laughed.

"Really? I didn't know, I promise!" Nicole was a much better stylist than I gave her credit for.

Someone broke out a camera phone and we all started posing, then someone else's camera was revealed and soon small talk could only happen between forced smiles and poses. "So, have we missed much?" asked Lilly.

Alison, always abreast of the news began, "Well, Greta and Marissa are totally wearing the same dress! Marissa claiming the Greta stole her idea and Greta claiming the same. Stupid arty girls!"

"Holly is totally wearing a blue dress," Danielle whined, "She claims it's close enough to white but it's so fucking blue. Pale blue is still blue." The rule was that white was the only colour to be worn, slightly off-colour variants were frowned upon.

"She just wants to stand out," Lilly sighed, "Look at me, I'm Holly! I'm not wearing white!" Lilly rolled her eyes. I scanned the room and saw a light blue shimmer sitting with a bunch of boys. Holly did, despite my ill feelings towards her, look good. The pale blue dress definitely did stand out amongst the sea of white but so did the girl. She looked beautiful but hurt, like a wounded deer. While all the other girls chatted eagerly to each other about how absolutely nervous they were and who from their families were coming, Holly sat with the boys being totally quiet. If she did want to stand out, she was doing a splendid job.

"She's so gloomy, such a total wannabe emo."

I was going to say something either scathing or defending Holly but before I could decide Aaron came strutting over to the group of girls. "Aaron scrubs up well, hey Lil?" Alison gave a cheeky smile over to Lilly.

"I know, he's not too bad," Lilly smiled as she hugged him around his waist.

"Hey baby," Aaron said as he involuntarily wore Lilly like a belt, "I've just come to get Gemma." I inwardly smiled. "It's about time we head over to get our pictures done."

"I thought you'd be over photos by now!" Alana joked.

"Yep I am, but my Dad 'paid good money' for these ones," Aaron imitated his Dad's gruff voice.

Lilly loosened her grip on her boyfriend and I stepped in. If only she could do the same with the relationship, I thought to myself. Two months ago Aaron and I kissed while waves crashed over us. It was romantic to say the least and while it was obvious that we both like each other, it wasn't fair to Lilly. So we sweared to never mention it again and Aaron kept up his end of the deal. A part of me wanted him to let something slip so that Lilly would break up with him and I'd have him to myself but I'm not sure if it would be worth the banishment from the A-girls. Our little descretion would have to remain just that, a little discretion.

I was sick of posing too, but these photos would be a keepsake that I would look back on in years time. The photographer, a weedy little man with thinning hair, stood me in the exact same poses that all the other girls before me had done: sitting in a chair with my hand brushing my cheek, standing with my back to the camera and turning slightly, sitting on the chair while Aaron stood behind me. It was all so static, where was the sense of movement and individuality. I had been a model for some of the finest photographers in Australia and this was the exact opposite of how to take a great picture. I grimaced in pain as I bit my tongue. I was accustomed to a higher level of photographer. I breathed in and tried to think rationally. No use throwing a tantrum just because the photographer isn't world class, this poor man was on couple 23 of 25 and I'm sure the night was dragging on a fair bit. Was I going to throw a hissy fit because I wasn't going to be photographed 'properly'? No, but it annoyed me that the situation annoyed me so much. I needed Dot to deflate my ego right about now.

"Enjoying your night, Gemma?" asked the photographer with a mousy voice that creeped me out a bit.

"Umm…" I said, frozen in my pose, "Yeah."

"Well, you look fabulous," he told me. The compliment didn't splash refreshingly over me like they usually do but instead seemed sticky and gross. "Very feminine." I noticeably shuddered.

Soon after our photographer was finished with us the whole group was assembled for the group photo. Because I was on the shorter side I was in the front line, while my taller friends stood behind me. The boys stood behind them on the portable steps that the school choir use, they all jostled and joked. I thought a bit about how if life had been different that I would be standing there in my suit, joking and jostling. I often missed being a guy, there was a lot of things about it I liked and being able to joke and mess around all the time was one of them.

But the feeling of my silk gloves was a reminder that I was no guy. I had been a girl for a quarter of a year and was quickly getting used to it. Being in my old body was fast becoming little more than a vapour of a memory and this body was pretty familiar to me now. Although, I was learning new stuff about this body all the time, for instance I can no longer arch only one eyebrow up but I have gained the talent of being able to clover my tongue. I liked this body; it was compact, fit, flexible and was good at attracting members of the opposite sex.

I also liked my smile. It was cute, more of a grin to be honest, a cheeky grin like I was up to no good. I grinned towards the camera sitting amongst the other students. The weedy, creepy photographer took a couple of pictures trying to get us all to say words like 'Cheese' but of course with a room full of excited teenagers that is a tricky feat to pull off.

"OK everyone, quiet!" We were addressed by the principal, Mrs. Higgins. I wasn't listening as much as I was staring at her bright white hair. She wore a baggy, daggy black dress and gaudy jewellery. Whenever the school had an event it seemed like she always wore the same baggy, daggy formal dress. "Year 11s! Please settle down!" It appeared we were a little noisier than usual. The roar of the crowd dwindled to a murmur and then a general hubbub. Mrs. Higgins continued, "Thank you, students. It really is a pleasure to see you all dressed in such a lovely manner, you all look so grown up. Now it is important that your behaviour matches your attire. Tonight you are all ambassadors of the school and you are expected to…" I tuned out at looked at my fellow Debutantes. Some dresses were simple, some were extravagant. Some were obvious hand-me-downs while others had cost more than they should. All the girls looked so grown up: Selma looked like a woman not the nerdy girl at the front of the class, Alana looked like a model and I couldn't help noticing that I resembled a bride. Would I ever be wearing a white dress for that purpose? Would I surrender to my new gender completely and play the role of wife? I didn't know, maybe for the right boy. I shivered a little and didn't quite know why.

Mrs Higgins prattled on, "…I ask all of you to avoid the 'parties' afterwards…" After Deb parties were almost as big as the Deb itself. The school, of course, disapproved because there was always alcohol involved and sometimes the police would have to turn up. Being a Group A girl I had already received an invite to all of the hottest parties and Mum had already bought me a 6 pack of brightly coloured Vodka Cruisers. The benefits to being popular were endless. But I was unsure about attending any of the parties, Tyler had offered that I sleep over at his hotel room again and the thought of enjoying myself with him made my nipples ache. The night was still young and full of possibilities.

I must have drifted off thinking about a night spent with Tyler between my thighs because before I knew it we were being lined up in preparation to go onstage. I was close to the start because even in my heels I was still a shade or two shorter than most girls. I wasn't the shortest though, which made me happy to no end. The boys were escorted away to their entrance and then the show creaked a little closer to beginning.

The Debutante Ball, I was a part of it. Actually, a big part of it, while most of the audience in attendance was there to see one particular Debutante or partner, pretty much everyone was interested in me. I was national news and when national news walks past you in an elegant gown, you stare. But it wasn't just a momentous occasion for me, all the girls were breathing faster and wriggling nervously. "When are we going to start?" Alison asked me, looking at clock on the wall, "It's already 5 past." It was late starting, of course it was, things like this always get started late.

Since I didn't see the events unfolding I only heard them, I'll try as best to describe them. Mrs. Higgins came onto the stage, there was a mild sprinkling of applause, she started another long speech… I tuned out… she brought on the school captains to do a speech… I tuned out again. For a night that was all about the dresses there was a lot of talking going on. I nervously balled up my fists and tightly closed my eyes, this was the big one. I couldn't believe I was actually going to go through with this. I had gone through the process over one hundred times in my head.

The seemingly unending tide of speeches actually finished and our school's string quartet began to play. The sound was pleasant, if not perfect. They played some classical song that I had heard many times before but didn't know the name of. That was a sign to everyone that it had really begun and I heard the sharp intake of nervous breaths. Beth, the shortest girl in our Deb group, pulled back the curtain and escaped into a world where she was now a Debutante. "Beth Kapp is the daughter of Craig and Debra Kapp of Murphy's Creek," began Mrs. Coleman, our dance instructor and host of the evening. Mr. Coleman introduced her partner, a shy almost mute boy who I had never talked to. I wondered how proud his parents must be.

The distance between me and the curtain shrank a little as my nerves slowly got the better of me. What am I doing? Why am I standing in the school gym in a dress? It seemed like a typical nightmare, standing in school wearing something ridiculous with everyone looking. Michael Taylor didn't wear elegant dresses and then parade in front of strangers. The next girl carefully peeled back the curtain and the line moved forward. Two girls to go. I looked down and saw the vibrations caused by my pounding heart. You know your heart is beating hard when you can see it. I stood still, completely confused. Who was I? What am I doing? Should I just turn and run? I had never felt so blank, like fear had erased every thought that had ever seeped into my fragile mind.

"You OK, Gemma?"

I blinked.

"Gemma," said the voice, "Do you… do you need to sit down or something?"

I blinked again. Something was being said to me.

"You've got to go on in, like, 30 seconds."

I concentrated on trying to make those words make sense to me. After that I could figure out who I was, what I was doing and who was talking to me. I had 'to go on in, like, 30 seconds'. 30 seconds wasn't a long amount of time. I had to get myself ready to 'go on'. What did that mean? I looked around the room; there was a clock, a door, a row of teenage girls all dressed up in dresses and jewellery. Suddenly, everything snapped into place. I was Gemma Mae Taylor, I was Australia's most famous debutante and this was my night. There was only 30 seconds before I would walk into a hall filled with people wearing a Victoria Cross gown that accentuated my feminine charms.

"Sorry Lilly," I said, now with purpose in my eyes, "I totally spaced for a second."

"That's ok, I just saw you go all white and wanted to see if you were OK."

You know what? I was better than OK. I had been through a lot these past couple of months. I started this year out as an unremarkable teenage boy who did all the normal teenage boy things, he watched movies, he hung out with his friend and he harboured a crush on a girl he could never get. Then something happened. A one in a billion event. An event that would make the whole country stare at me as I transformed into a girl. And that wasn't a figure of speech, I literally turned into a girl — quite a looker too! I wasn't OK with any of it: my new body, the way my friends treated me and the attention the press paid towards me but slowly I overcame it all and began to embrace it. Until I met John Draffen, the only other person in the entire country that had been through what I had. He told me that I was wrong in accepting the changes and the proper thing to was fight back. I didn't, in fact I did the exact opposite and had sex. And then something snapped in me, I was back to square one again. Nothing made sense. I felt trapped in a body I didn't want and a mood I couldn't shake. It wasn't easy but I came to realise that with the support of my family, friends (some old and some new) and Annette I could be the person I wanted to be. Gender meant a lot, but it didn't mean everything. I didn't have choose between being a girl or being a boy. That choice was arbitrary anyway. I could just be who I wanted to be. I had all I needed to have an amazing life and I was not going to let that opportunity go.

"I'm fine," I smiled as I pulled the curtain.

"Alison is the daughter of Stephen Reid and Amanda Sorokin of Marrang." I tentatively stepped out onto stage as Alison moved from the chaise lounge down the steps to her awaiting partner. I demurely sat down and rested my folded hands on my delicate lap. I took a deep breath and stared into the bright lights. I had been onstage a lot of times in my life, in choirs and school plays and more recently as a national celebrity but stage fright was always alongside me. "Cameron Heine is the son of Doug and Mary Heine of Port Langford."

I wasn't sure what table my friends and family were on. The tables were set up along the walls, leaving a gaping expanse for the couples to dance on. I watched Alison and Cameron walk the carpet. "Alison's 50's inspired gown of delustered satin features a rose design. Contrasting panels of princess satin forms the fitted bodice and this flows into a full skirt." You had to write the description of the dress for the hosts to read. Since the only thing I knew about the dress was which end was the top I had Victoria write it for me.

"Alison enjoys playing netball and spending time with her friends and she would like to go into graphic design."

"Cameron loves playing footy, cricket and fishing. He wants to be a builder."

They bowed.

It was my turn.

"Gemma Taylor is the daughter…" Daughter. I stood proud, proud to be my mother's daughter, the country's daughter, "of Janet Taylor of Marrang." I delicately walked down the stairs, feeling the weight of 1000 pairs of eyes upon me. Waiting for me at the bottom was Aaron, smiling and holding a rose. His eyes seemed to coax me down the stairs, the sooner I got down to him the sooner he could hold my hand.

"Your look beautiful," he whispered as he handed me the rose, "and you're doing great." He must have noticed that I was a little nervous and his words filled me with confidence — I was beautiful. He took my arm and we walked down the red carpet together.

What happened next is a bit of a blur, I must admit. I know I have recalled almost every part of my life in exacting detail, but I can't tell you a lot of what happened during my walk. I remember trying to smile as naturally as possible, noticing that one of the assembled dignitaries copped a look down my top and Mrs. Coleman saying, "Gemma likes writing, swimming and watching movies and wants to work as a magazine columnist," but other than that it's fuzzy. It's weird that a moment of your life that seems so defining can be so vague in your memory. All of the surrounding moments are clear as a bell, but the one moment where I was a debutante, where I stood proud in front of an audience as a Gemma Taylor, it's nothing much more than fuzzy static.

What I do remember is the two boys rolling up the red carpet. They had to stop every few metres to make sure it was rolling straight. I'm sure Cinderella never had to wait as two Year 8 kids rolled up a red carpet before she started dancing at the ball. There were always a few reminders that confirmed although somewhat magical, my life was a long way off being a fairytale. My family's table was right behind me. I knew because I could hear the faint sound of Dot teasing me. I didn't turn around though, because Mrs. Coleman had told us that he had to sit ladylike and perfectly still while the other couples were being presented.

There was a chord from the string quartet and like we had practised we all stood up. One more chord and we all walked around, forming a circle in which we would dance. We all looked so elegant and graceful like characters from a Bronte sisters' novel. Unlike the sophisticated characters from a bygone age, I had a wedgie I really wanted to dislodge. Stupid lace undies!

Somewhere in the venue someone pressed play on a tape deck and the dreary old music whirred. Yes, a tape deck, in this day and age we were actually dancing to songs from a tape deck! I guess the string quartet simply couldn't handle the pressure of playing dancing music, walking music was their forte. I looked up at Aaron, he looked nervous and proud at the same time. He looked cute like that. He smiled at me as he placed his hand on my waist and took my hand in his.

Aaron didn't say anything out loud but I could see the metronome in his head tick away as we danced. Aaron was an excellent maths and science student and he approached dancing like he would a math problem. To him there was only one right way to do things and he was determined to get the answer right. Me, I thought that dancing was not about being right or wrong but being true to yourself, listening to the music and interpreting it as you hear it. My school of thought didn't matter because Aaron was leading, forcing me to follow the beat as strictly as he was. That was one downside to being a girl.

We danced around in the circle and I focused entirely on Aaron. He was trying so hard not to look at his feet and I subtly poked out my tongue at him the only time he did. The routine was rather easy — easy enough so the lazy and uncoordinated could still learn it. We had picked it up quickly and spent all the extra time perfecting it. Even our waltzing, which almost no one could do, looked flawless. I loved the feeling of gliding through the air.

The first dance came to an end and I was at the other end of the circle from where I started, I looked over at my family's table and saw Dot waving at me. I slid her a sly smile that I'm not sure she could have seen. "One down, one to go," sighed Aaron.

"You forgot the one we do with our parents," I reminded him. We had spent a few rehearsals going over a dance with our parents. Since my Dad wasn't around I danced with Aaron's Dad. He was a nice man with a gruff voice and a perfectly round potbelly and reminded me of when Aaron was fat. Aaron, without a mother, danced with my Mum. She loved it. She was always bragging that her and Aaron were much better than me and Aaron's Dad, I just rolled my eyes and tried to ignore her. It was good to see her dancing at this, a Deb Ball. She had missed out of hers and was so close to having none of her children participate that I think it meant a lot to her.

"We get the break before that one," Aaron said. A light dinner of finger food was going to be served to us in the school theatre as soon we finished dancing. Most of the girls however had vowed not to touch any of the food, just in case they happened to spill some on their dresses. I, partly out of peer pressure and partly out of respect to Ms. Cross, had also decided to fast, although some party pies wouldn't have gone astray.

The second song whirred into action and the circle lurched forward. This dance had Aaron hold me from behind, holding my waist tight. I liked being held like that, there was some inherent calmness in being protected like that like. Aaron wouldn't let anything hurt me. The dance was about the same difficulty as the first although the trainers had told us this was markedly harder. I looked at the other couples, all the but worst couples were in step. Holly and Sobey were, frankly, struggling, half a step behind everyone else. You could see the distress in Holly's eyes. She went to dance classes after school every week and had done since she was 6, Sobey looked like he had been given his very first pair of legs today and was still trying to figure out just how they worked. I could see a pained look in her eye, this wasn't how she wanted her night to be. As her previous partner, I was one of the best male dancers in the school, I had several musicals under my belt and was more than willing to practise until we got it right but fate took me away and she had changed.

I didn't know why Holly was being so cold to me. All my friends had told me that she had always been like this and not to be too upset by the loss of our friendship. At first she did try to befriend the new me, I went around to her house and we talked honestly at Macca's party but soon after that she drifted away, complaining about my status as a Debutante to the Australian media. That hurt, but what hurt more was the fact we hadn't spoken to each other since. Not once, not in classes, not after school on MSN or anything, nothing. We both auditioned for the school musical only a week before the Deb and we didn't even wish each other good luck as I passed her on the way in to the audition. It wasn't all her fault, I wasn't talking to her either. But it was a shame that in addition to losing my former gender I also lost her friendship.

But it was hard to linger on Holly's frown for too long, when the power of all the room's smiles was so much brighter. I laughed as Aaron twirled me a little too hard, threatening to spin me right out of the room. Everyone in the audience seemed to enjoy the dancing, whether enjoying the spectacle of teenagers ballroom dancing, or laughing at some of the other couples' missteps. The song, extremely dated, whirred to a close and we all stood still as the crowd cheered. "Give a round of applause to the Marrang College Debutante as they leave for their dinner!" said Mr. Coleman, our trainer, "They were great!" I almost detected surprise in there somewhere.

"Wow," Aaron remarked as we left the hall, finally free to move as we wanted, "No mistakes!"

"We did it!" I threw an arm around his waist as we walked. Other couples sounded as triumphant or were happily laughing about their mistakes.

"Gemma, Gemma, Gemma! How did you do?" Alanna and Lilly had already separated from their partners and were surrounding me.

"Not too bad. How about you two?"

"Louis stood on my dress, but other than that: A-double O K!" Lilly talked in riddles sometimes, but riddles that nobody could possibly unravel.

"I'm so not looking forward to dancing with my Dad!" Alana sighed.

"Me neither," agreed Alison who had found her way into the group, "He's such a dork. He is determined to embarrass me I just know it." My Dad didn't even have the decency to embarrass me. I thought about my Dad for a little, I wondered if he had been around in my life whether I would have become Daddy's Little Girl, like so many of my friends. So many of my new friends could get what they wanted if they just begged their Daddies. If Mum said 'definitely no' or 'not in a million years' that only meant that Daddy needed to be asked. I didn't have a Dad to wrap around my finger, all I had was a Mum who had suddenly gained a height and strength advantage against me. She wasn't impossible to persuade but she could defiantly be stubborn.

The food fare was fair. A range of party nibbles, little meat pies and sausage rolls, sandwiches, assorted cakes and slices. All of the girls stood well away, as if their dresses contained food magnets inside. The boys however, hoed in, making the pile of food dwindle in a flash. How my stomach longed to be a boy! It growled and tried to drag me to the table but I wasn't letting it.

"All the stuff smells so good!" cried Alana. For a skinny girl she could definitely eat a lot.

"Yeah, but none of us are willing to eat it," sighed Becca.

The boys, now brandishing food and cups of dark, sticky cola came wandering over to the girls' side of the room, unknowing of the danger of the items in their hands. The girls deftly moved, trying to avoid the more clumsy boys with the more greasy foodstuffs. "You get away from me with that Jelly slice, Jase," Alana told Tall-Jason. The boys, confused, all obeyed their partners, knowing that getting on the bad side of a Debutante is a terrible thing.

I saw the people rushing around first before I heard the sobbing. Parents and teachers zoomed about, muttering old wives' tale about how to remove stains. Someone had been hit! I couldn't see who it was because the phalanx of helpers trying to calm the Debutante down was blocking my view.

"What's going on?" asked Alison.

"I think someone got something on their dress, I think." My story was vague but I was at least sure I hadn't got any of it wrong.

"Do you know who?" Alison asked and I shook my head.

She shrugged, "Whoever it is, she is sure crying bout it loud."

I went a little closer to inspect the 'wounded'. The cry turned into a huffing sob. "It's be OK, dear," a mother said, "It's only a small drop, no one is even going to notice." That didn't stem the crying though.

I tried to wade through the sea of people trying to get a look. "Do you know what happened?" I asked Selma.

"It's Holly," she told me, "Trent Sobey dropped his pie on her dress and got sauce all over it!"

"Oh," I said quietly. Holly definitely wasn't having a fairytale night.

"Sucked in!" laughed Alana, "It's called karma."

"Totally," Lilly agreed, "Couldn't have happened to a more deserving person."

I swallowed hard and pushed through the group. Holly was looking terrible, red puffy eyes and the telltale mascara running down her cheeks. The cause of all the fuss, the stain was big, red and prominent. It stood proudly on the dress at about knee height and was being fussed over by 6 eager helpers, all with differing cleaning techniques. Looking at her this close, there was no way her dress could be called white, it was definitely blue.

"You OK?" I asked.

She looked up to see who was talking to her. "Why does this have to happen to me?" A selfish statement, sure, but who could blame her?

"It'll be OK, it's just a dress."

"Look who's talking! You're wearing a friggin' Victoria Cross gown! Your couture dress is worth more than all of ours put together! You can't tell me that you'd be fine if someone ruined yours!" She had a point. I would probably be inconsolable if anyone wrecked my dress, it meant far too much to me. It was a symbol of who I had become and my newfound love for being me.

One of the helpers rubbed some mixture into the stain, I stared at it, hoping the stain magically disappeared. It didn't. "I'm sorry, Holly. I just mean that…"

Holly sharply cut me off, "Why are you even talking to me? I thought you only talked to Alana, Lilly and Becca."

She had crossed the line, "You're the one who started to ignore me!" I didn't know why it was coming to the boil tonight, a night that I was trying so hard to get perfect.

"No way, you started ignoring me as soon as you became the perfect girl on campus."

There were so many things I wanted to say but couldn't think of a way without fighting with her. If any more words came out of my mouth they would have been spiteful or insulting. I didn't want to say them and Holly didn't want to hear them. I turned and left her alone, to cry over a silly stain on a silly dress.

I had been lucky with my transformation, I had gained so much and lost very little. Out of the things I had lost I only missed my anonymity, the pure thrill of an erection, being different than my Mum and sister, my height and my friendship with Holly. I'm not sure what I did wrong or if I did do anything wrong, I just knew that Holly and me would probably never be friends again.

Standing tall, Mrs. Higgins announced, "OK students, line up in your pairs. Time to go back into the Hall." We dutifully complied.

"Looks like Holly isn't coming," Alison said, looking over her shoulder. I spun around to see Holly sitting on a table, her feet on a chair, her face covered by her hands. It was a tragic sight and I almost felt bad for her. Almost. Sobey just stood beside her, seething at the fact that he had a duty to comfort her. Despite what a bitch Holly was, she deserved better than Trent Sobey.

So the couples filed back in to the school hall to the sound of applause. I liked having people clap wherever I go, I could get used to it. The pressure was gone now, people had seen the dress, seen me dance and now it was time for fun. After the dance with the parents the band would play for a few hours and anyone could dance. I would try and drag Dot and Glen up for a dance, shake my groove thing with the Group A girls, maybe dance with Aaron a little more (if Lilly would let me) and see how many slow dances I could squeeze in with Tyler without no-one noticing. It was going to be a great night.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Marrang College's Debutantes! OK, could the parents please join their children for one last dance!" announced Mr. Coleman. There was the reluctant groan from the seats as blushing mums and shy dads stood up to find their sons and daughters. My Dad was in Indonesia or somewhere and was missing just another one of life's important moments for his son, now daughter. Mum was the first parent on the floor, practically running to take part. She grabbed Aaron, almost forcefully, "Ready?"

Aaron swallowed, hard, as if he only just then noticed how crazy my Mum was. "Sure thing."

"I'll show you where my daughter gets her dancing talent."

I waited for Aaron's Dad for a few seconds before looking for him. Aaron's family's table was next to my family's. I scanned for Aaron's dad. He sat at the table, perfectly still, staring at me. Why wasn't he getting up? Did he want me to just dance by myself? He seemed perfectly nice at rehearsal, not one to decide not to dance for no reason. I looked at him quizzically but he seemed to look right through me, like I didn't exist.

"May I have this dance?" asked a voice. It was a voice I had heard before, a voice that I recognised but it sounded a little different. I slowly turned. He was as tall as I was short, stick thin but dressed immaculately in a black suit and dark red tie. He was better dressed than most of the Dads in the room. He held out his hand to take, like he was my Prince Charming, although both of us knew he was more the Beast in my story. Gone was his straggly beard and he wore his hair in a long ponytail. I gently put my silk-gloved hand in his.

"You look beautiful, Gemma Taylor."

"Thank you," I didn't quite know what to call me, so I decided to use the name he insisted I call him, "Kate Draffen."

He smiled gently. "Your Mum taught me the dance just before we came, so hopefully I can keep up."

"Just follow my lead," I smiled back.

The band, consisting of three men in their forties and one of their sons on drums, started up. Two steps forward, two steps back. Kate Draffen held my hands tight and danced stiffly. I was so amazed at seeing him there I didn't even think about dancing. "If anyone asks," he said in his gruff voice, "I'm your uncle."

"OK," I said, my mind still whirling madly. Kate Draffen was at my Deb Ball! He was dancing with me! There was something inherently bizarre about the moment but time wasn't slowing down enough for me to figure it out. I looked in front of me at my mother cackling while tripping over Aaron's feet. Then I saw Lilly looking so demure as her dad danced with her, she looked 8 years old. Alana's Dad was tall and good looking, just like her and they joked to each other as they danced. It was a joyous experience for everyone, for me it was mind blowing.

"Did you get my letter?" I asked Kate. I had written him a very strongly worded letter after our first meeting but had never heard anything back. I had spilled my deepest thoughts and feelings out all over the paper and the fact I never got a reply just confirmed that Kate didn't have deep feelings or thoughts at all. I told him how he had to grow up and learn to accept his new position in life and if he didn't like it he should do everything in his power to change it, things I had to learn for real, recently.

"Actually, if it wasn't for that letter I wouldn't be here, Gemma," he whispered as we spun, a twirling spiral of white satin and black cotton. He smiled to let me know that he hadn't travelled to Marrang for revenge, he was happy I had written to him. "At first your letter made me mad. I couldn't believe that anyone at all could be happy in a different body. I thought you were lying to yourself and me. But Annette kept giving me status updates and I read your column in the magazine and I realised you really are happy. Look at you, you look like an angel!"

I sighed, as if his opinion was the only one that truly mattered. It wasn't, I loved my family and friends far more than the confused and scary man that I shared one incredible thing with. But it would be foolish to ignore the effect Kate Draffen had on my life; some things good, some things bad. "So, you've learnt that there's nothing wrong with being a man?" I asked. If there was any lesson to learn in my story it was that being yourself is the most important part of being happy. Kate might not like being a man but as long as he tries to be himself, he's travelling in the right direction.

Then Kate said something I did not expect. He said, "Well, no, Gemma, I'm taking hormones, I'm going to become a woman again."

I accidentally stood on his toes in surprise. "Huh?"

"Being a woman is who I am, Gemma. I know I'm not going to look the same and I'm not going to pass for a long time but hormones and Sex Reassignment Surgery is the right path for me." He held my hand a little tighter, "I'm so proud of you, you're learnt so much. But I'm older and set in my ways. I need to be a woman to be happy. I have to be true to myself."

I let his words roll around in my head and the pieces began to fit together. It made sense. Kate's true self was entwined with being a woman, a mother, a wife. She needed her gender. Me, I was young and had no gender specific roles, I wasn't Mum's son as much as I was Mum's child. Gender wasn't that important to who I was. There was the fundamental difference between us. I was turned into a girl, Kate was turned into a transsexual.

"If you ever need someone to talk to…" I told her as the song came to an end.

The members of the band stopped making music and the crowd filled the air with clapping. But I didn't clap, I hugged my tall, skinny dance partner. "Thanks," Kate told me. We stood together, the country's entire SGR suffers in one square metre. All the gossip, all the pain, all the confusion and depression was gone. We had only lost our genders, we hadn't lost what made us humans. I had been through so much in the past three months, I was a different person, a better person.

And I think Kate was now well on the road to being a much better person too.

My night at the Debutante Ball was truly epic:
- Dot and Glen did get up and dance almost for the whole night. Stopping occasionally to make fun of me.
- I did spend a slow dance or two in Tyler's arms (and the rest of the night in his bed)
- I saw all my old friends from the hospital Dr. Chisholm, Dr. Nagra and Annette
- Alana, Lilly and I started the best conga line! We can be such dorks!
- I danced one dance with Kev and he said that meant I had to let him look at my boobs for 10 seconds
- Mum took a lifetime worth of photos and Nicole was in at least half of them
- Aaron loved his present and is going to take me with him
- Kate and I sat outside and talked for like 20 minutes. We're never going to be best friends or see everything eye to eye. But that's not important.

I think I'm going to end the story there. Don't think the real story ends there but life stories have a habit of being a lifetime long. Don't get me wrong, I think the rest of my life is going to be very exciting and I'm looking forward to it all but those 3 months are what shaped me (in more ways than one.) I'm not sure there's a moral in there but I'm not sure all stories need a moral. All I know is that I started the story thinking I was totally unremarkable and finished as a short, curvy dynamo! Take from it what you will. I really like being Gemma Taylor and probably wouldn't trade with anyone in the world.

Dot came up to me as the Ball was coming to a close. She really did look beautiful all done up. "Well Taylor, I had more fun than I thought I was going to," she punched me playfully in the arm.

"Me too," I said as I surveyed the room. It was the duty of the boys to pack up and stack all the chairs before they could head off to their various parties. They grumbled and complained, as the chairs were slowly stacked.

"That could have been you," she steadied herself and took off her high heels, suddenly shrinking.

I looked at the boys toiling away and then I looked down at the glorious white dress that clung to my supple body. I hugged myself and smiled, "I'm glad it's not."

"You know what, Hootie?" Dot said, "I'm glad it's not too." I used to think that my friendship with Dot was an unwavering constant, that sometimes it might get battered and it might get damaged but nothing could ruin it forever.

I still think that.

***

Hi guys, Swishy here. Thank you so much for all the support. Big Closet is such a great place to be a writer. All of your comments have meant something to me and they are all so well written, it makes me want to be a better writer. Thanks to Erin and everyone else.

Kate Draffen was a massive undertaking, 400+ pages and almost two years of my life. Thank you to everyone who read even a word. If you have read the whole thing through I'd love to hear your thoughts, things you liked and things you didn't, it's all good stuff. If you've never sent me an email or left a comment, that's OK too.

I will continue to do some writing, maybe some smaller stuff for now.

As always, feel free to email me any comments, questions or criticisms to [email protected] The response I get to this story is amazing. Thank you so much to everyone who has ever e-mailed or commented, it means a huge amount.

I would like to thank my little guardian angel for looking after me. Thank you so much!