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CHAPTER I. MARYANNE
 
 
When doctors Mautner and Gold talked about their former patients who had undergone sexual reassignment, one of the topics which recurred had to do with the fact that those who were very successful in their male careers often chose, after their operation, to begin a new career at a definitely lower socioeconomic level which corresponded to the stereotypical image of a “woman’s job”. Former corporate executives chose to live out their lives as secretaries, former engineers became waitresses, and former professors taught kindergarten or elementary school.

Dr. Gold did not look on this phenomenon kindly. She thought that it was a result of the fact that post-op transsexuals often cannot really cope with being a woman, and so took refuge in the behavior that they thought society expected of them. In other words, they lived a stereotype. Dr. Mautner, on the other hand, said that the opposite was as likely to be true. Their male persona had been stereotypical behavior — doing what they figured society expected of a “man” — and that their surgery liberated them from the need to do something they really didn’t want to do and allowed them to take a job which fit their inclinations and personalities. (One should note that both Dr. Mautner and Dr. Gold were themselves post-op transsexuals who continued in their original careers — surgeon and clinical psychologist respectively — after their operations.) Whenever such a discussion began, one name inevitably cropped up: Maryanne Torre. It could not be otherwise.

Maryanne Torre was born Marvin. As with most transsexuals, Marvin suffered through a difficult childhood and adolescence with parents who either did not or would not understand his gender dysphoria and felt obliged to compensate for his yearnings to be a woman by trying to act as “manly” as possible. Since Marvin was short and thin, athletics were out of the question for him. But he did have good manual dexterity and excelled, as a boy, in building model airplanes (first from kits and later of his own design) — a hobby that his father encouraged. By his mid teens, he was making and flying radio-controlled models and even won several awards from model clubs. When he was 16, his father enrolled him in a flying club and, by the age of 18, he had obtained his light-plane pilot’s license. By the time he finished college, he had also obtained a commercial license and earned money on the side as a reserve pilot with a regional airline, flying jets on weekends when the company needed additional manpower. Two years later and after further training, he was a full-time pilot for United Airlines, qualified to fly Boeing 767 jets.

All of this activity helped disguise Marvin’s longing to be a girl, but of course did not change it. He dressed as a woman whenever he could, especially on overnight stops far away from home. He became very proficient at makeup and choosing clothes, and had no trouble “passing” as a woman when he went out to bars or clubs. Of course, he made sure that United knew nothing about this — deviant behavior of any sort was enough to revoke one’s pilot’s license.

But it was clear that occasional cross dressing was not enough. Marvin wanted to be a woman, totally. Finally, he made a big decision. After his father passed away and his mother moved to a retirement community in Florida, where she slowly but surely slipped into senility, he went to Dr. Mautner’s clinic and there, after several long interviews with Dr. Gold and her staff, was approved for sexual reassignment surgery. Marvin had entered the clinic, and Maryanne left it, with full papers and documentation and with a determination to lead a woman’s life from now on.

Maryanne had no desire to resume her work as a pilot. Instead, she enrolled in a course to become a flight attendant.

Being a flight attendant (formerly called “stewardess”) for a big airline is one of the most stereotypically-female jobs in modern society. Although many flight attendants are now male (and many of these are really security personnel in disguise), the job still has the image of tight skirts, wild nights in hotels around the world, and “coffee, tea or me”. Walking up and down and aisle in turbulent weather while wearing high heels, attending to screaming babies and drunken lechers, and forcing a smile no matter what the circumstances are not easy, but the job still has its attraction and glamour and Maryanne had always dreamed of it ever since she was little. When she built and flew models of commercial aircraft, she always envisioned herself not as the pilot but rather as one of the flight attendants making flying enjoyable for the passengers under her care. Now, her secret dream was about to become reality.
 
 
CHAPTER 2. THE CRISIS
 
 
Maryanne Torre worked as a flight attendant for American Airlines (she thought it was best to change employers, encountering her old colleagues at United could lead to problems she would just as soon not have) for three years. She was always cheerful, competent, and well-liked both by the passengers and the other members of the flight crew. Twice she was cited as “flight attendant of the month” once was even featured in a write-up in the inflight magazine given away to passengers. At first she worked regional routes, but gradually was assigned more often to transcontinental routes. She began taking French lessons in the hope of being assigned to transatlantic routes as well. Needless to say, nobody ever suspected she was a post-op transsexual.

Then, one day, it happened. Maryanne was working the Business Class section of a New-York-to-San-Francisco flight. The plane was only half full. As it turned out, Dr. Gold was one of the passengers — she was flying from a meeting in New York to a conference in Berkeley and was busy preparing the notes for her talk. When Maryanne showed her to her seat, she did recognize her and managed to give her hand an extra squeeze. Maryanne winked back at her and smiled. She looked very contented. Hopefully, thought Dr. Gold, they would have a chance to talk later in the flight.

The pilot on the flight was Capt. William Ahern, one of AA’s veterans. He had flown jet fighters during the Vietnam War and then moved into civil aviation. Now, he was just three years away from retirement. His copilot was Warren Wells, a freshly-accredited young pilot on his first regularly-scheduled flight. Ordinarily, in such circumstances, there would also be a third pilot onboard, just in case, but the intended “babysitter” had called in sick at the last moment and the New York dispatcher, unable to find a replacement, decided to let the flight go ahead without one. After all, Bill Ahern was a professional’s professional so there was nothing to worry about. Besides, the plane was urgently needed in San Francisco because another craft had to be pulled out of the rotation for unscheduled maintenance. Since the Boeing 767 was designed to be flown by a two-man crew, there was no flight engineer.

So the flight took off on schedule and proceeded smoothly through the skies. The weather was fine, the passengers were undemanding, and the female flight attendants had plenty of time to gossip and plan their evening in San Francisco. There were rumors of a big party at the Mark Hopkins. One hour into the flight, Maryanne went to the cockpit to bring the flight crew a snack. What she saw was a sight of utter chaos. Capt. Ahern was slumped over his controls, lifeless. He had apparently suffered a fatal heart attack. He had no pulse, and was by now clearly beyond saving. Warren Wells, himself, was in the copilot’s chair praying with all his might for Jesus to intervene and save him. He was not attending to the plane (which, fortunately, was on autopilot). Somebody had to take control of the situation, and that somebody had to be Maryanne.

A pilot learns (and an ex-pilot retains) the ability to prioritize instantly. Maryanne realized that the first thing that had to be done was to get the copilot back into a condition where he could fly the plane. She left the cockpit and, with her best “can I get you an extra pillow?” demeanor and smile, went up to Dr. Gold and asked her -- in a whisper -- to come, urgently, to the cockpit. Together, they removed Capt. Ahern’s lifeless body from the pilot’s seat and lay it out along the side. Then Maryanne sat down in his place and tried to familiarize herself anew with the 767’s controls which Marvin had known so well. Warren Wells didn’t say a word, nor did he move to help her. Oblivious to his surroundings, he just prayed to his Savior to save his own soul. Dr. Gold crouched next to him and began talking to him in a low voice, trying to get through to him. Meanwhile, Maryanne contacted the airline’s emergency control center.

Briefly, Maryanne outlined the situation to the controllers. She felt confident that she could keep the airliner on course but was unsure about landing it. She explained that she had a clinical psychologist talking to the copilot and, hopefully, he would come back to normal in a short time and be able to take over flying the plane. The emergency controllers notified air controllers all along the way and a wide path in the sky was cleared around for plane. Maryanne suggested that two sites be warned of a possible emergency landing — Lambert-St. Louis International Airport and Denver International Airport. Should Warren Wells be in a condition to land the plane, he would do so at one of these two. If not, the flight would proceed to Oakland International Airport, which is considered easier to land at than San Francisco International. The controllers did not know, of course, that Maryanne had, in her previous life, extensive experience landing 767’s at all of those sites, nor would they have believed her if she had told them (since her pilot’s experience was not on her CV). She was sure, in any case, that Dr. Gold would manage to bring Warren Wells around before it was time to land.

Only she couldn’t. Dr. Gold was Jewish and, even in the best of times, sometimes found it difficult to relate to evangelical Christians when it came to matters of belief. Under the present circumstances, it was essentially impossible. Warren Wells had worked himself into an ecstatic fit, praying with all his body and soul for salvation. He seemed incapable of communicating with her and she was not sure that he even heard what she said. For a while, he began “babbling in tongues”. It was hopeless. She too, realized the need to prioritize. Since the obvious overriding priority was to land the plane safely, she decided that she had best keep Maryanne on an even keel for the coming emergency landing.

Maryanne, though she kept her outward calm, was in fact tottering psychologically. It had been over three years since she last sat at the controls of an airplane, and when she had last done so, it was with a totally different identity which she had since rejected and tried to bury within her. When she had transitioned, she did not attempt to build a bridge of continuity between the past and the future. Rather, she had rejected her past totally and had been intent on creating a new future. Sitting at the controls brought back memories of Marvin, memories and associations which were, to say the least, highly undesirable and with which she could barely handle even at a normal time, let alone in a time of crisis. Maryanne did not want to be Marvin again, did not want to think like Marvin nor make use of Marvin’s skills; in fact was unsure she was able to do so. Her entire psychological makeup and outlook were now different.

When Dr. Gold turned to her and asked her how she was feeling, she said that she felt she was living one nightmare and, to cope with that, was afraid she would have to start reliving another. Dr. Gold told her to hold up her hand and look at it — slender fingers, with beautiful red nails, and two dainty gold rings. “That is not Marvin’s hand,” she said, “even if it is, for the moment controlling this airplane. Marvin has not returned, nor will he ever return. He doesn’t have to return. The ground control people will talk you down to the ground, just do what they say. Be exactly what you are — an intelligent and courageous member of the cabin crew whose coolness under pressure and steady hand have allowed her to take command and save the lives of the 150 or so people on board.” She then hugged Maryanne tightly. “Just remember, Marvin is not going to land this plane, Maryanne is going to do it by herself.”

While all of this was going on, the flight proceeded smoothly. Maryanne talked to the other flight attendants over the intercom and explained to them that there is some trouble and she would have to remain in the cockpit. However, they should do their best to give the impression of normality. The passengers need not get upset. She suggested that the meal be served a bit early.

Meanwhile, the plane had crossed the Mississippi so that the St. Louis option was now closed. Dr. Gold tried again to get through to the copilot, but to no avail. The emergency control center talked to Maryanne constantly, offering encouragement and having her read off the bearings and try out the controls. In fact, the plane was being tracked by a special satellite system in place for precisely such emergencies. When it was time to make a decision about landing at Denver, they decided to continue on to Oakland, since the Denver airport was very crowded and they could not clear the right runways in time. In the meantime, a flight instructor began giving Maryanne, in a calm and clear voice, instructions on landing the plane, having her first upload to the plane’s computer a special emergency landing program which was relayed to her via an internet link and would allow most of the landing procedure to be handled by controllers on the ground. All this time, Dr. Gold crouched by Maryanne’s side, holding her hand and doing her best to calm her down. Only at the last moment did she belt herself into the jump seat at the rear of the cockpit.

It worked. The landing in Oakland went essentially smoothly. The passengers were told that “due to problems at San Francisco International Airport” the flight had been diverted to Oakland. They had no inkling of the drama that was happening inside the cockpit. As the plane taxied to a standstill at the end of a runway far away from the terminal, Maryanne could finally let out a sign of relief — and then she fainted.
 
 
EPILOGUE
 
 
The airline rewarded Maryanne handsomely for her coolness and courage and offered her a promotion. Since she preferred not to fly again, she was appointed an instructor at the airline’s school for flight attendants, where she is working until this day.