Something Feels Strange…

I’d like to think I can trust my Dad. He’s always had high integrity and he’s always been there for me. I’ve got to trust somebody.

Picking up my cell phone, I text Dr. Quinn: “Going 4 very short jog @ 7a. Want 2 come? - Kris”

The reply comes back within minutes: “C U @ ur tree - Dr Q”

 

Chapter 25: Who are the Good Guys?

‘My tree’ is an almond tree at an elementary school near my childhood home; it’s where I once took a fall and ended up getting stitches in my head–I was lucky to have not broken my neck. I had been in fifth grade when some friends and I had been imitating monkeys swinging from the branches when I missed a branch and fell. It has become a family joke and none of the others let me forget about the incident whenever we pass the tree.

I am about five minutes early for our jog having already warmed up by running about a mile to get here. Dr. Quinn is already here doing some stretches. Running is not a favorite activity of his, but he does a little every week to keep himself in shape.

“Hello, Tina,” he greets me as I stop under the tree. “Is anyone following you?”

“I don’t think so,” I reply. As a precaution I had taken a short cut through a neighbor’s yard and a vineyard to get here.  I would have noticed anyone following this strange route.

“I hope this is good,” he declares in a mock whining voice. “I was planning on sleeping in this morning.”

Yeah, right.  Dr. Quinn never sleeps in. I got my predisposition for early morning rising from him. This statement was just his failed attempt at humor.

“I take it from your message,” he continues, “that there is something wrong with your employers.”

“I’m not sure,” I reply, “but there might be. Shall we keep up appearances and do some jogging?”

“I was afraid that you’d say that,” he sighs melodramatically.

I let him set the pace as we head down a back road that is always reasonably quiet.

“I assume that you know a lot about security procedures at the Lab,” I begin. He nods affirmatively. “Is it sufficient evidence to show a breach in procedures by showing that a secure document is not in a secure location or do you need to be able to show that its contents are accessible?”

“Taking information from a secure location would be more a test of access security than neglect on the part of an employee,” he replies. “Even then, it should be sufficient to merely show that an unauthorized person has access to it but it would strengthen the case to show the information was actually obtainable by an unauthorized person even if it’s where it belongs. Are you being asked to obtain secure information?”

“Yes,” I reply. “In our training in Alaska we were told to gather as much real information as possible and get back to our supervisor as quickly as possible after we find it. I don’t feel comfortable with the request. What happens if the leak is in the security team and we just become their unsuspecting agents? Couldn’t I get in trouble if things blow up? I’d like to keep Laurie and I clear of trouble.”

“That’s quite a dilemma,” he responds. “Who’s making the request?”

“Mrs. Harrison. What can you tell me about Mrs. Harrison?” I ask.

“Susan?” he seems surprised by the request. “Well, she is a manager in the human resources department in addition to supervising the temp pool. I’ve never liked her much, however, she seems pretty efficient. She’s aggressive at enforcing personnel policies, but I guess that’s what she gets paid to do.”

“You’re not the only one that doesn’t like her,” I inform him. “I’ve already met two Lab employees that seem to have a grudge against her.”

“I think that you’ll find even more if you look around a little,” he says. “She’s been instrumental in the dismissal of a variety of really good people over seemingly petty violations of the rules. Nobody likes to see her coming. She normally comes across as being very nice but can become very nasty when she has to. You definitely don’t want to be on the wrong side of an argument with her.”

“That might account for some of the cool receptions that Laurie and I have already had,” I muse. “Maybe people fear that we’ll report back to her.”

“It could be,” he agrees. “You just need to appear clueless and focus on finding security leaks.”

“Oh,” I remember, “a few days ago we also received a request to leave listening devices in secure areas.”

This really gets his attention.  “It’s one thing to get loose documents. It’s another thing to eavesdrop on people working in secure areas. Secure areas are regularly swept electronically for listening devices. Who made that request?” he asks pointedly.

“It was part of our email reporting system,” I tell him, “so I assume that it’s coming from Mrs. Harrison or someone else on the security team.”

“Do you still have the email?” he asks.

“No, they clear our phones, computers, and email accounts of sensitive information every night after we’ve looked at them,” I reply.

“So that means that the security team will know about our little run this morning,” he observes. “I suspect that you’ll be getting contacted by someone on the team today or tomorrow at the latest to see what’s going on. Just let them know that you wanted to see your good old Dad for a while and catch up on things.”

We run on in silence for a few minutes while he thinks.

“Okay,” he settles on a plan, “I’m interested in seeing what happens when you do obtain access to sensitive information.  I know about a recent report that I can alter with false information that will sound very real but we’ve found that the process described really doesn’t work. I’ll make sure that it gets left somewhere were you can find it in the Ignition Facility. It won’t be terribly obvious but will be in the reception area. Let’s say in the receptionist’s desk file drawer. Photograph it and its contents then leave your listening device in the break room near the front desk after lunch on Tuesday. I’ll make sure that someone says something juicy to the untrained ear, but perfectly harmless otherwise.  Then we’ll see what kind of response comes back.” 

Now it sounds as if we are becoming double agents. This is getting very interesting.

“And don’t tell Laurie about this,” he warns me. “Does she know about our little run?”

“Not yet,” I reply.

“Keep it that way if you can,” he directs. “If you have to tell her, just say that you were a little homesick and wanted to spend some time with me.”

“Do you suspect her?” I ask.

“Not really, but it’s always best to err on the side of caution,” he replies. “Not only that, but it’s best to keep the circle small for now.”

Changing the subject, he asks, “So, how’s life as a girl?”

“Different,” I reply, “very different. I still have a lot to learn but the first thing I noticed is that being a girl is a lot more complicated than being a boy. I knew this–from being around girls–before the change but it really didn’t come home to me until after the change. Oh, and I learned that periods really suck.”

“Do you like it?” he asks.

I have to think about that one. What do you say? As I think about it life is life. Doing it as a girl is just different. Is it better or worse?  I don’t know, but I have a lot more experience being a boy so that is what I’m most comfortable with.

“I don’t think that it’ll be too bad once I get used to it,” I reply. “Right now I’m still trying to get my feet on the ground. I’m definitely having a lot of experiences that I never thought I’d have, but I would have been happy to go to scout camp this summer instead of being a girl. The one really difficult thing is that my relationship with Laurie has really changed.”

“I can imagine it has,” Dr. Quinn comments with a grin. “What’s difficult about it?”

“It’s confusing,” I reply. “She still seems to really like Chris but sees me as Tina. I found her in her room the other day looking at a picture of the real me. She obviously misses Chris. But now we have settled into roles as being best girl friends. It seems easier for her to separate my identities but it’s pretty hard for me.  Neither one of us really want to carry on like before under the present circumstances, but I’m finding it hard to detach myself from the situation and fully adopt my new role and putting my old self on the shelf.  I don’t think Laurie will have any problem going back to our old relationship any more than our planned separation would have caused, anyway as long as she keeps Chris and Tina separate in her mind.  I’m the one that will have the problem. I just don’t know where this is going.”

“Whoa,” he says, “Is this really Chris talking? I don’t think that you’ve ever analyzed a relationship this deeply before. You sound just like one of your sisters. Maybe you are fitting into the role.”

This comment really brings me up short. Am I really becoming a girl? Is that bad?

He notices my silence.

“Don’t worry about it, Tina,” he says. “You are a resilient kid. It might be best to just settle into the role for now. There’s nothing wrong with being a girl–heck, half the world is female–so don’t worry about it. I’m sure that you’ll easily make the transition back when the time comes.”

We’ve been maintaining a pace that is too slow for me but Dr. Quinn is sweating a bit. After three miles, we are approaching the Mercer’s home.

“Hey, Kid, keep your eyes open for the file and let’s try this run again when you notice results,” he says. “And stay alert. Keep your eyes open for signs of trouble. If someone in the security team is the problem, then the bad guys will know about your disguise and who you are.  Stay alert and watch for trouble. We love you, Kid, and I’ll do what I can to help you.”

“If they know who I am, then this whole charade has been a worthless exercise,” I point out.

“Maybe,” he agrees, “but then again maybe not.”

What a mixed up mess! This whole caboodle could be a lot of trouble for nothing. I’m not sure how I feel about that concept. If both sides know that I am Chris in disguise what good does it do remain like this?  There must be some kind of intricate intelligence dance going on here. I’m beginning to feel more like a pawn than an asset. 

“Thanks for the run, Dr. Quinn,” I say, “Why don’t we plan on doing this same time next week?”

“Sounds good,” he says, giving me our customary high five as I stop at the house and he continues on home.

---<>---

Laurie and Aunt Jen are just stirring as I enter the house. Laurie stumbles into the bathroom as I am taking my shower.

“Where’ve you been, Tina?” Laurie enquires sleepily.

“Out for a short jog,” I reply. “It was a beautiful morning and you were all still asleep so I thought I’d just do a short run. What’s on the agenda today?” I figure that she doesn’t need to know that I was meeting with my dad just yet.

Laurie mumbles something about morning people being annoying. If nothing else, maybe I can expose the Mercers to the joys of morning while I’m with them this summer.

“I don’t know,” Laurie responds. “Nothing much I guess. I agreed to meet Andy later this afternoon for another watercolor lesson when he gets off work.  Do you want to join us?”

This will be the first slow day in two weeks.  Maybe I can catch up on a few things.

“Maybe,” I reply. “It depends on what else comes up. We should also spend some time going through the list of suspects and start coming up with a plan for figuring out what’s going on.”

---<>---

I am just starting to check my Chris email while eating a light breakfast when my cell phone starts moaning again.  It’s Mrs. Harrison.

“Good Morning,” I answer cheerfully.  I’m pretty sure that this call is in reaction to my text messages last night.

“My,” she remarks, “aren’t you cheery this morning. I guess there is no need to ask how you’re doing.”

“It is a beautiful day,” I remark.

“Do you feel up to a long run today?” she asks.

“Sure,” I say, “I went out for a short jog this morning but hardly broke a sweat so a long run sounds good. I can be ready to go in about an hour if you like.”

“Sounds good,” she says. “I’ll come by your place and we can start from there.”

After hanging up, Aunt Jen asks, “What was that about, Darling?”

“Mrs. Harrison wants some company on a longer run,” I say. “It’s alright with you isn’t it?”

“Sure, Darling,” she replies.

---<>---

While waiting for Mrs. Harrison, I continue my weekly check of Chris's email. What I find is quite interesting: Dan’s is particularly intriguing.

Hey Chris... How’s it going? I hope you’re enjoying camp. Life got a lot more interesting around here this week. Your girlfriend’s cousin showed up and what a babe!  I got a call from Caitlin asking me to go running with her on Tuesday. She said that the team really needed to meet this girl. She was right. The girl’s name is Tina. I’m sure that Laurie has told you about her already, but I doubt she told you that the girl can run like the wind. She’s like a female version of you except that she’s infinitely better looking. A bunch of us have been running most evenings with her. The cool thing is that she’s not all prissy like the other girls. She showed up at the reservoir yesterday and played some volleyball with us in her swim suit. Man, is she hot! You should have seen her water skiing too. I think that half the team is drooling over her. It’s a good thing you’re at camp or you’d dump Laurie for this chick. Heck, I have half a mind to dump Suzie if I can make it with this girl. Too bad she’s only here for the summer. If nothing else, our team will be in great shape in the fall. All the guys want to run with her each evening. Anyway... enjoy the boys. I’ll take care of the girls for you. - Dan

Oh, man. What do I do about this? My best friend has the hots for me. It’s a good thing he doesn’t know who Tina really is. My reply to Dan suggests that he send me a picture of this super babe and for him to not throw away a good relationship for a girl that’s only there for a few months.

As I am getting ready for yet another run this morning, Laurie is looking through the suspect profiles that Mrs. Harrison left on my computer. 

“Why do you think that Mrs. Harrison wants to run with you today?” she asks.

I just shrug my shoulders. I’m not ready to tell her about my early morning meeting at this point. Particularly around the listening devices that we have in the room.

“We’ve been talking about running together all week,” I reply. “This is the first opening that we’ve had.”

The explanation seems to work for Laurie.

“I know a few of  these people,” she says as she continues to look through the profiles. “The ones that I know seem to be pretty decent people. A couple of them I would never suspect of any kind of wrong doing.  I also see a couple that Mom has mentioned over the years as being difficult to work with. We should have looked at this sooner.”

“Like when?” I ask sarcastically. “Today is the first day that I’ve had any time to myself. Or I did until Mrs. Harrison called.”

I also start motioning to Laurie a reminder that what we’re saying may be recorded.

After I dress for another run, Laurie and I go out to the front lawn to wait for Mrs. Harrison to show up.

 ”Listen, Tina,” Laurie says now that we are away from our electronics. “You’ve got to play it cool with Mrs. Harrison. Somehow we need to decide who’s on what side.”

“Yeah, I know,” I reply. “Do you have any good ideas?”

“No,” she replies in frustration. “But we do need to act clueless. We need to appear to be the simple and carefree teen girls that she wants us to be for now. I suppose that you can mention that you’ve established a good relationship with Caitlin and that I’ve made positive contact with Andy.”

We spend fifteen minutes tossing ideas around while I stretch before Mrs. Harrison comes running down the street.

“Hello, Laurie, Tina,” she greets us as she stops.

We exchange small talk for a couple of minutes before agreeing on a plan for our morning run. Laurie heads off to help with more household chores as Mrs. Harrison and I start our run.

“So, this is your second run of the day,” she states almost as a question.  It is an opening for me to explain myself. I’m pretty sure that she already knows who I was with so no point in trying to hide anything.

“Yeah,” I reply. “I was feeling homesick so I went for a short run with Dr. Quinn. I miss my dad and wanted to touch base with him.”

“You need to be careful about that,” she cautioned me. “I suggest that you avoid unnecessary contact with your real parents. We don’t want to blow your cover.”

‘If it’s not blown already’, I think to myself. Out loud I tell her, “I’ll try to be discreet.”

Changing the subject she asks, “How are things going with the Sommers?”

I’m pretty sure that she has already heard the recordings. “I’m not too sure. I am having difficulty acting like a troubled child. I guess that I’m not a good actor.”

“Actress,” she corrects me. “You’re a girl now and doing a great job acting like one. Anyway, have you seen or heard anything that might make you think that Dr. Sommers might not be trustworthy?”

“No,” I reply. “In fact I find him to be a very nice man with good values. The family seems pretty nice except the fact that Caitlin’s little brothers can be annoying. I do think that the kids are spoiled. Is there something that you think I should know about them?”

She thinks about my request for a minute before replying. “No, there is nothing that you need to know.  Just keep your eyes open and let me know if you see anything that might indicate that he is our leak.”

Maybe she hasn’t heard our recordings yet.  I know that she eventually will. Should I ask her about the problems between her and Dr. Sommers? I decide that I might as well.

“I did pick up on one thing,” I begin. “I get the feeling that there is something negative happening between the Sommers and you. You’ll hear about it on yesterday’s recording. Are you sure that there isn’t something I should know?”

“What did you hear?” she asks. She’s not giving anything away if she has listened to the recordings.

“Just that something happened between you and Dr. Sommers,” I reply. “He wouldn’t talk about it but Caitlin says that her parents don’t think much of you.”

“I guess I can understand that,” she sighs. “Suffice it to say that I had to pursue a personnel action against him a couple of years ago as part of what I do at the Lab. He managed to clear himself but he took the action against him personally. My job sometimes creates hard feelings with people when I have to enforce the rules.”

It’s obvious from her tone of voice that she still thinks he was at fault in whatever problem there was.

She asks me if Laurie has had any success with locating Andy Lang. I tell her about their painting lesson yesterday and that I think that they have another one planned soon.  Mrs. Harrison seems pleased with our progress.

Not much more is said on the topic as we continue our run.  She does let me know that she is pleased that I am establishing relations with Caitlin so quickly. Then she drops a bomb.

“I think that my son is really taken by you,” she says casually.

Now what! I seem to be attracting boys like honey attracts bears. Add Ben to the list. I can’t believe this–from what I hear from my sisters and other girls I know you’d think that attracting a guy is a difficult thing to do. I don’t even try and now I know of at least four guys who seem to have the hots for Tina–and one of them is my best guy friend. This is getting old fast–just like Laurie warned me. Maybe I will have to get bitchy after all.

“Oh,” I remark, “and why is that?”

“I don’t know,” she replies, “but you’re all that he can talk about these days. Every evening when he comes back from running with your group all he can talk about is how wonderful you are. Maybe we did too good of a job on you.”

“I don’t know about that,” I tell her, “but I seem to be picking up quite a fan club.”

“Is there a boy that you’re interested in?” she asks.

“You’ve got to be kidding, right?” I exclaim indignantly. “Why in the world would I be interested in a guy? I may be a 100% female physically, but I have been male all my life and the thought of being attracted to guy just seems wrong. No, for your information, I am NOT interested in any guy or guys, however I now have four–count ’em, four–boys who seem to be interested in me.”

She seems a bit taken aback by my outburst. “I just thought you’d take advantage of this opportunity to try experiencing life as a girl. Being attracted to boys is a normal female response.”

“Well,” I huff, “I’m not your normal female. I’m anything but normal. If Ben knew who I really am I’m sure that he’d get over his infatuation.”

“I’m sure he would,” she agrees, letting the subject drop.

---<>---

It is lunch time by the time I’m finished with the shower after our eight mile run. I’ve got the whole afternoon and evening without commitments–a first since this whole thing started.  Laurie wants me to come with her for her watercolor lesson with Andy down at Carnegie Park, but I want a little time to myself so I beg off and tell her I might just meet her and Andy at the park a little later. Aunt Jen is out shopping so I have the house to myself when Laurie leaves.

I’ve been female for two weeks now. Two weeks. It seems much longer. A lot has happened in that time, however I haven’t really had the time to think about the sex change situation in any real reflective way. Heck, I haven’t even really had the time to get a good look at myself–intimately that is.

Pondering the situation, I take my clothes off–all of them–and stand naked before the mirror like I did that one evening in Alaska.  Only this time I’m not in any rush. I turn from side to side trying to see myself from every angle.  Yep, I’m definitely a girl. I keep expecting Brain Central to check in with a warning, but nothing comes. After two weeks living in this body, the view doesn’t seem out of place. My self image has almost fully morphed into being that of a girl. In fact, I’m starting to remember life in a boy’s body as a slightly distance memory. You know what? It doesn’t bother me.

I really miss the simplicity of being a boy. Having to sit to pee is annoying. I miss being able to pee without getting mostly undressed. Breasts are also a complication of female life that I can do without. The darn things are always getting in the way and they bounce around too much when running. Oh yea, don’t forget about periods. Periods I can really do without.

Concerning clothes, I really miss the simplicity of my male wardrobe. On the other hand, I like experimenting with all the girl accessories. A girl can have so much fun with clothes, hair, and makeup if she’s feeling creative. It is amazing what you can accomplish with all the options available.

Grabbing a hand mirror from the bathroom, I lay back on the bed and spread my legs.  The mirror gives me a good view of my new intimate anatomy.  It looks a lot like the illustrations that Dr. Compton showed me on the flight to Alaska. I pull up similar illustrations on my computer as I continue my self exploration comparing my anatomy to what I see in the illustrations.  It is a wondrous new world down there. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t anything so complex and delicate as this. Cautiously I insert a finger in my vagina. It is very moist in there and feels very strange indeed–both on my finger and in my vagina.  I get a bit of a surprise as I brush my clitoris. Wow.

I notice my nipples getting hard as I continue my self-examination.  I back off before things get out of control, but not before I realize that physical stimulation can feel pretty good in this body.  I’m not ready to go all the way yet.  Brain Central seems to have reservations about playing intimately with this female body.

Coming back from the edge, I spend the next hour going through my limited wardrobe experimenting with different looks. I also experiment with my hair style. The variety of impressions that I can project simply by changing a top or even just shoes still amazes me. At the end of the session I end up in my cargo pants and REI pullover top.

Getting bored, I call Laurie on her cell phone to find that she is still with Andy at the park painting flowers. She rode her bike there and suggests that I borrow her mother’s bike and come and join them, giving me directions–as if I’m really from out of town.

It only takes fifteen minutes to get to the park where I find the pair sitting on a bench under a shady tree by a flower bed.  Laurie has a watercolor book open and is attempting to capture the essence of the colorful flower bed next to them. Andy is sitting close to her watching her progress and giving suggestions. His arm is on the back of the bench behind Laurie. A tinge of jealousy rises up in me.  I guess that I’m still not totally separated from Chris.

Laurie is very focused on her work and doesn’t notice me as I arrive. 

“Hey, cuz’,” I say as I park the bicycle.

She looks up and smiles. “Hey to you too. Tina, this is Andy. Andy, this is my cousin Tina from Alaska who I was telling you about.”

“Hi,” he says. He blushes a little and looks tongue tied–he has always been very quiet. I guess that he’s not used to being around girls–or anyone else that I know of for that matter.

“Hi, Andy,” I respond with a little girly finger wave–hey... I’ve got to act the part, don’t I? “I think it’s great that you’re helping Laurie learn how to paint.” Just sit a little further away from her, I’d like to add. To be fair, I suppose that he does get a better view of what she’s doing from his current position.

“It’s no big deal,” he responds. Not a man of many words, our Andy, that’s for sure. I can tell that he’d like to get back to the painting lesson, but Laurie is not going to let him get off so easily.

“Tina,” she continues the conversation, “what do you think of my painting? It’s almost done. Andy’s really helped me learn about composition and how to layer the colors to get a pretty neat effect. He was just telling me about a new technique to bring out the different colors of the flowers without worrying about making the detail too precise.  It’s a really neat trick.”

Looking over her shoulder at the painting and at the flower bed, I was able to see some resemblance between the two, but it is a little abstract. I am impressed, however, that it actually looks pretty good.  I didn’t know about Laurie’s artistic talent.

“I’m impressed,” I tell her as she pulls another painting out of a folder.

“Andy did this one.” She shows me; it is much more masterful.  He is very good.

“Andy,” I exclaim, “it’s beautiful! You’re really good at this. Like, do you do people too?” I wonder if maybe I can persuade him to do a painting of Laurie that I could have later.

Andy blushes–again–at the compliment. “Watercolors aren’t the best for portraits.  I can do a pretty good sketch though.”

“Could you show me how?” I ask. “I’ve always wanted to learn how to draw people.” I figured that I’d better get in the act to keep attachments from growing between the two of them.

Pulling a sketch pad out of his pack, he flips to a blank page. “I don’t know if I can teach you. You might need a class for that, but let’s first see what you can do.”

Taking the proffered pad and pencil, I sit cross legged on the ground in front of the bench and begin to sketch Laurie.  It is a pretty sad attempt.

“Ah, cousin dear,” Laurie says diplomatically. “You might want to stick to running.”

Frowning at the picture I have to admit that she’s right. Andy, I think, is trying to find a polite way to say the same thing.

Handing him back his pad, I respond, “I suppose you’re right. Andy, could you do a quick sketch of Laurie so I can see how it should be done?”

He agrees and has me sit with Laurie on the bench. We put our arms around each other and lean our heads together like two girl friends while he sketches.  In no time at all he shows us a rough sketch which is more of a caricature of us but you can really tell who is who.  It’s really neat.

“It must be nice to have talent,” I sigh.

“From what Laurie tells me,” he assures me, “you have talent. Just not as an artist.”

The three of us hang out for another hour while Laurie works on her paintings.  Before long, we are able to get Andy to relax a little and he gets less tongue-tied.  We spend time talking about school–I have to make stuff up about school in Alaska–and other topics. Comparing interests, we find that art and photography are passions of his. I find him very comfortable to be around and find that the two of us hit it off well even though our interests don’t exactly match. He seems like a really decent kid. I wonder why I never got to know him when I was a guy? 

I tried to get him to tell us about his family, but he didn’t seem to want to talk about them in any detail. Andy is an only child of working parents. I told him that I had met his father but he didn’t comment on it.

Before we know it, it’s time to head to our respective homes for dinner. Laurie and I both give Andy a hug when we part. You can tell it’s a new experience for him because he is pretty awkward about it. He blushes again; he’s pretty cute when he does that. I’m thinking that it is fun to throw guys off balance this way. I must admit that there are times when it’s really fun to be a girl.

“You did it again,” Laurie sighs as we ride home together.

“Did what?” I ask. I haven’t a clue what she is talking about.

“Put another boy under your spell,” she replies.

---<>---

Edited by Gabi–which is a very good thing!