I was in line at the coffee shop when I saw her. Everyone else in the store was staying as far from her as they could, as if she were a leper. The poor woman must have just started her transition, because she couldn’t pass in a dark room. Her gaze was glued to the coffee held between her hands on the table. If she noticed the way everyone was avoiding her, she didn’t show it. I caught a brief flash of darkness around her, as if she were suddenly drenched in shadow which was as suddenly dispersed.

I immediately pulled my cell phone from my purse and hit the speed dial. “Hello?” I heard after it rang a couple times.

“Melanie, I think I’ve found you another student. Do you think you or Ann could get down here soon? I’ll try to talk to her, but I can’t tell for sure if she’s a good candidate. You know how much trouble I have with that.” I said. It was awkward discussing aura sight in public without everyone thinking I was crazy.

“You just need more confidence.” I heard from Melanie for the umpteenth time. It’s strange getting lectured by someone half your age, but I’ve gotten used to it. “Where are you?”

“I’m at the coffee shop.” I answered.

“Okay,” she said, “I’ll be there in half an hour, I think. I’ll call Ann on the way. Just keep her occupied and try not to freak her out until we get there. We’ll get a different table and keep an eye on you in case you need us.”

“Thanks! I hope you can help her, she looks rather miserable.” I said. The person in front of me in line was ordering their drink now. “I’m just about up to the counter, I’d better go.”

“Okay. And don’t worry, you’ll be able to help her just fine!” she said, and hung up. Wait, did she say I would be able to help her? I thought.

I put my phone away and walked up to the counter. After getting my drink I wandered over to her table. “Excuse me, miss. May I sit here?” I asked.

She didn’t react at first, so I repeated myself. She look around furtively without lifting her head, trying to see if there was someone else there I could be talking to. Seeing no one, she slowly shrugged her shoulders and went back to contemplating her drink.

I sat down and glanced over at her. I needed a way to break the ice. The truth usually works best, I think. “You may think this strange, but I admire you.” I said.

This was obviously not what she expected, as she looked at me as if I was very strange, indeed. “Why?” she whispered.

I almost didn’t hear her, it was so soft. “Because I never had the courage to do what you’re doing.” I answered.

She took a better look at me as comprehension dawned. And made the wrong assumption. “You want to be a man?” she asked.

I smiled, as it was not an unfamiliar reaction. Whenever my being transgendered came up in conversation people always made that assumption. To be fair, in their place I probably would have, too. “No,” I answered, “I’ve already been there and there’s no way I’m going back.”

This obviously shocked her as she took another look at me. My corset top and short, tight skirt showed off my feminine ’assets’ well. “No way!” she breathed. “You must have been the most feminine man ever to look that good now!”

“Actually I wasn’t.” I answered. “That’s part of why I never got the courage, I knew I couldn’t pass without major surgery. Even then, I would have been rather homely, I think. I was cursed with very masculine features.”

Her disbelief was quite evident. I could hardly blame her. I still find it hard to believe, sometimes. “This is some sort of joke, isn’t it?” she asked, her voice rising. I could see why she had been whispering now, as her voice rose in volume, it became distinctly masculine.

“No!” I hastened to assure her. “I wouldn’t do that. If you’ll listen I’ll explain it. It’s a long story, and you probably won’t believe it, but will you listen?” I asked.

She had obviously already gotten a bit worked up, and I was afraid she’d storm out. Instead, her shoulders drooped and she dropped back in her chair with a deep sigh. “Why not?” she said. “I’ve got nothing better to do. I lost my job, my parents kicked me out, and my friends won’t speak to me. I might as well listen to your fairy tale.”

That was as positive a reaction as I could reasonably expect, so I was quite relieved. At the same time I was horrified, as it was clear that moment of darkness I saw was her despair over her situation. I had probably found her just in the nick of time!

I took a long drink while I ordered my thoughts, and then began.

---

 
“As I said, I was born male. I was aware that I should have been female from an early age, 3 or 4 I think. I knew it was strange and different and was sure that nobody would ever accept it, or me, if they knew. I tried very hard to fit in every way I could. Frankly, I wasn’t very good at it. Trying to act like a boy seemed to be more damaging than not, as I really had no idea how to do that. I could copy the reactions of boys to certain things, but I rarely got them right because I didn’t understand the reasons behind them.

I knew acting in any way feminine would be a very bad thing, though I didn’t really understand why, just that it was. So I avoided anything overtly feminine. This worked okay for the first ten years or so, but it wasn’t enough to really fit in. In the end, I settled for being as invisible as I could manage. It wasn’t perfect, but I managed to avoid too much negative attention, which seemed the only kind I received.

After high school I continued to try to blend in as best I could, even going so far as to go to law school as my parents wanted, even though I had no interest in it. To my surprise I actually enjoyed it. I don’t think it was my calling in life, but it wasn’t bad. After graduation I went to work at a small law firm and played the good little drone. I never rocked the boat and always assisted other lawyers on their cases, rather than taking a lead position myself. I avoided the court room like the plague, because there I couldn’t blend in. I would be in the spotlight there and unable to hide.

Although I enjoyed some aspects of my work, I hated the office politics and the cutthroat strategies my coworkers often employed. I became disillusioned with the law, and my employer in particular. I began to wonder what the point was. I was not happy with my job or my life, and I could not imagine ever being so, trapped in my male body. It became more and more difficult just to get out of bed in the morning.

My depression began to affect my work. Only three weeks after my thirtieth birthday I was fired. If I cleaned up my act, I probably could have gotten another job, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I took to drinking the pain away. I was never a big fan of alcohol, but then I was never a big fan of pain, either.

Without a job, my funds ran out quickly. It never occurred to me to ask my parents or siblings for help. I wasn’t certain I deserved any. Before long I was evicted and left with nothing but the shirt on my back. I wandered the city for hours, not really caring where I was or where I was going. I was in a sort of trance, not really aware of my surroundings.

I finally came out of my mental fog and found myself at the building where I used to work. It’s a large building with many offices and over a dozen floors. It wasn’t a decision, so much as an inevitability that brought me to the roof. All my life, it seemed, had been leading to this moment. I was never really alive, just pretending to be. Now I could stop pretending. Or so I thought.

“Stop!” I heard a female voice yell at me. I had my hand on the railing at the edge of the roof and jerked it back as if I’d been burned. I looked around wildly and there, just leaving the stairwell, was a beautiful young girl with silvery white hair that shone in the waning sunlight. Her silver eyes were locked on me and her face was set determinedly. “I know you feel all miserable and everything,” she continued, “but that just means your life can get that much better, you know?”

I felt a sudden surge of jealously. This beautiful girl was everything I ever wanted to be, but couldn’t. This was followed quickly by anger. What could she possibly know about how miserable my life was? “Leave me alone!” I replied.

“Not likely!” she snorted. “Ann would kill me if she knew I found someone in this state and didn’t try to help.” She stopped and looked thoughtful for a moment. “Okay, she’d just be all disappointed and let down, but still. She wouldn’t like it. And I owe her waaay too much to be letting her down now. So you, buddy, are going to live. No arguments!” She admonished, pointing her finger at me.

“Who are you, who is Ann, and why do I even care?!” I finished angrily, as I turned back to the railing and started to climb over. There was a flash of white and silver, and she was standing on the other side of the railing right in front of me!

“Ah ah ah!” she admonished, shaking her finger in my face. “None of that now! Be a good boy and get down off that railing.” Then she crossed her arms and started tapping her foot impatiently.

I was astonished. How could she have gotten there so quickly? I was so shocked I did as she asked without thinking. In a flash she was over the railing and in my face. “Yeah, I know, how did I do that, why am I here, yadda yadda yadda! Questions later! Now get your ass down those stairs, and don’t even think about trying to get away from me!” she said, as she started pushing me towards the stairs.

In a daze I turned and started down the stairs. Every time I started to try to ask a question or go a different way, she would start pushing impatiently at my back until I continued down. I couldn’t figure out what was with this girl! Why was she so insistent, and why was I meekly allowing her to guide me out of the building?

Next thing I know we’re in front of an apartment complex and she’s pushing me up the stairs. She finally stops pushing me and starts to fumble in her purse for her keys. I took the opportunity to get away from this crazy girl, but she just latched onto my arm with her free hand. I tried to pull away, but her grip was like iron and I couldn’t budge it. I tried pulling with my entire body, but other than bracing herself with a wider stance, she didn’t seem to take any notice! That shouldn’t have been possible, as I was several inches taller than her, and quite a bit heavier, as well.

She finally found her key and opened the door. Then she started walking inside, never once letting go of my arm. I found myself following her to prevent her from pulling my arm out of its socket! She closed the door and then dragged me over to the couch and practically threw me onto it. I sat rubbing my sore arm and glaring at her.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re mad, I get it! I’m sorry if I hurt your arm, but really! I was just trying to keep you from killing yourself! Now that that’s out of the way, why don’t we introduce ourselves? My name is Melanie, what’s yours?” she asked sweetly.

“Gerald?” I answered hesitantly. Was I imagining things, or did I just get abducted by a teenage girl?

“Nice to meet you Gerald!” she replied happily. “And yes, you did just get kidnapped by a teenage girl! Cool, huh? How I moved almost faster than you could see, and nearly broke your arm holding you in place with one hand? I just love being able to do this stuff!”

She was certainly a teenaged girl, alright. Where do kids get all that energy from, anyway? “What do you want?” I asked fearfully.

She seemed to calm down very quickly at that, “Sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you. Just didn’t want you offing yourself like that. I just want to tell you my story so maybe yours will end a little differently! Hey, this is like a superhero origin story in the comics! Cool!”

I was thoroughly confused at that point. “What are you talking about?” I asked.

“Okay, here goes…” she started, and proceeded to tell me a crazy tale about being a homeless transsexual who was nearly beaten to death by her parents when she came out to them. Then she meets this woman named Ann, who somehow teachers her how to transform her body to become fully female. And she learns some tricks along the way, like moving very fast and greatly increasing her strength. If I hadn’t experienced her speed and strength myself, I would have thought she was insane. As it was, I was undecided.

“Why are you telling me this insane story?” I asked incredulously.

“Hmm, what did you say?” she asked as she came out of the trance she’d been in while telling her story. “Oh, you’re wondering why I’m telling you all of this? Didn’t I mention that I can read minds? I can tell that you’re like me. I know you’re a lot older, and you have a job and stuff that will complicate things, but I think you need my help just as much as I needed Ann’s.”

“She’s only ever asked one thing of me,” she continued, “in return for all of the help she’s given me, and is still giving me. Just before she left this last time she said, “There are other people in bad situations like you were in, Melanie. The best way you can thank me for helping you, is to pass on what you have learned. Will you do that Melanie?” I, of course, said yes. So, will you let me help you, Gerald?” she asked.

---

 
“You can’t really expect me to believe all of that, can you?” I asked. Only then did I realize that she had implied that I am transsexual. How could she know that? Could she really read minds?

“Sure!” she smiled, “Why not? Seriously, though, I have done some fairly amazing things already. How about this?” she asked, as her skin slowly changed from chalk white to obsidian. “Is that convincing enough?”

That was one of the strangest things I had ever seen. Just as I thought that, her skin changed back to white. “Yes, I’m convinced. Convinced that I have finally lost my mind.” I answered.

Giggling, she said, “Yeah, that’s pretty much what I thought when I first met Ann. But I took a chance, and look at me now!” She twirled around, letting her skirt flare out around her. She is a beautiful girl.

I thought about all she had shown and told me. It still seemed crazy, but either I was insane, or it was real. I realized that I didn’t really have anything to lose. I was just about to kill myself, after all. If she was crazy, I could always go back to that roof. If not, there might not be any reason to jump anymore. I realized it really wasn’t much of a choice, much like when I went up to the roof.

“Okay, I’ll suspend my disbelief. Now what?” I asked.

“Cool!” she exclaimed, “I knew you’d come around. Now I get to play teacher. The first thing Ann did was ‘awaken’ my spirit, as she called it. This could get a little rough.” she said, as she sat next to me on the couch. She turned to me and held her hands out, palms up. “Take my hands and close your eyes.”

I turned towards her and held her hands. I closed my eyes and asked, “Now what?”

“Now you have to find your core. The part of you that you have hidden from everybody all your life. Focus on that, even if you don’t find it right away. Keep your eyes closed and focus on that place no matter what happens.”

I didn’t like the sound of that ‘no matter what happens’, but I did as she said.

“So,” she began with an audible sneer, “you want to die, huh? Going to just give up? What a loser! So you’re a girly sissy, so what? You’ve got an education, had a good job, and you just throw it all away? But I guess that’s what I should expect from a freak like you!” she screamed.

I remembered what she said about how Ann got her started, so I wasn’t too shocked when she started in on me. Although she managed to manufacture scorn and disdain exceptionally well. When she screamed freak at me I jumped and tried to pull away, but her grip was as strong as before. Old fears came back, of someone finding out about me, and what they might do. She was so strong, there wouldn’t be anything I could do if she attacked me.

Melanie’s words echoed around in my skull. Loser, sissy, freak. Over and over. I imagined her delicate hands crushing my windpipe. At that moment I knew she was going to kill me, and I didn’t care. She was right! I had everything going for me. My family never tried to kill me. I was never thrown out by my parents. I had a well paying job. I threw it all away. I didn’t deserve to live. I would be doing the world a favor to die. I relaxed and waited for her to put me out of my misery.

“Focus!” she suddenly screamed, her former scorn completely absent. “Look inside yourself! Focus!”

I was confused. Why wasn’t she putting me out of my misery? But she said to focus. I tried to, but it was difficult. I thought, for a moment, that I glimpsed something. Something inside me. But then it was gone. Or perhaps it was never there. I couldn’t tell.

I felt Melanie’s grip on my hands relax just before she released them entirely and leaned across and clutched me tightly to her. “I’m so sorry!” she wailed, “I just said those things to wake your spirit! You’re not a freak! Please forgive me!”

I was too shocked to react at first. Then I trembled in fear for a few minutes, before I finally started to calm down. Her words finally penetrated, and I realized I was in no danger from her. In fact, I realized she was crying on my shoulder from the moisture I was feeling there. “What just happened?” I asked hesitantly.

It took Melanie a few moments to compose herself enough to answer. Finally, she pulled back far enough to look me in the eye and answered, “I tried to wake up your spirit, but I failed. I’m not sure why. Maybe I did something wrong?” she wondered out loud. Then she muttered under her breath, “Or your spirit isn’t strong enough.”

My spirit isn’t strong enough. Would that mean that she couldn’t help me, after all? I think she heard those thoughts, as her breath caught for a moment before she said, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say that out loud. I’m sure I just screwed up! I’ll call Ann. She can help you. She has way more experience than I do.” She fit action to words as she walked over to where she had left her purse and pulled out her cell phone.

As she was dialing, I thought about what she had said. She seemed to be trying to convince herself, as well as me. Ann had told her that a weak spirited person would not be able to learn. Could I be one of those people? Unable to be helped even by these super-human people?

Melanie began talking into her phone, but I wasn’t paying attention any more. I became convinced that she couldn’t help me. And even if she could, I would have to go through another ordeal like I just had. Would it be worth it? I didn’t think I could take that again. As I considered this, I wandered out of Melanie’s apartment.

Once again I found myself in front of the office building I used to work at. It was getting late and the building was largely deserted. Enough people worked late hours that the doors were still open, though. I wandered in and up the stairs slowly. There was no hurry.

I strolled almost leisurely across the roof after climbing the stairs and stopped at the railing. My life just seemed to keep getting worse. The longer I stretched things out, the worse it would be. Better to end it now and get it over with. I slowly climbed over the railing and looked down over the edge of the building. It was a dizzying view. I thought I saw a silvery white blur go into the building, but I dismissed it as my imagination.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. No more pain, no more fear. This was the right…no, the only choice. I stepped forward and jumped. I didn’t bother trying to control my fall. I felt the air whistling by me as I fell. My eyes were open, but I saw nothing but a blur.

I felt a pain in my arm and everything spun around dizzyingly. A sharp pain in my head, and then blackness.

---

 
I began to awaken, confused. Where was I? Why did my head hurt? Then I remembered. Shouldn’t I be dead? If I’m dead I shouldn’t be feeling pain. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. Groaning, I looked around to see myself back on Melanie’s couch. Melanie was sitting on a chair nearby, talking to a shorter woman.

“…didn’t it work? I did everything just like you did for me. He was certainly emotional enough. What did I do wrong, Ann?” Melanie was asking.

The other woman, Ann I guess, answered, “His spirit isn’t as strong as yours. But judging by his energy levels, I think it could still work with a little help. I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to help many people if their spirit wasn’t strong like yours. I think…” she trailed off, as she turned to look at me. “I think our guest is awake.” she finished.

Groaning again, I tried to sit up, but Ann was there in an instant, pushing me back down. “Don’t try to move. You got a nasty bump on your head. I’m Ann. Melanie called me just before you left. How are you feeling?” she asked.

“How did I get here?” I asked, “I should be dead on the sidewalk.”

Ann laid her hand on mine as she said, “Melanie saved you. She realized you’d left as soon as she finished talking to me, and ran after you. She got to the roof just as you were jumping and jumped after you. She caught you in mid-fall and twisted you around so that she took the full impact instead of you. Your head bounced against hers when you landed, and that’s why you were knocked out.” she explained softly.

I glanced over at Melanie. She looked scared and furious at the same time. “Why did you stop me?” I asked. “I’m weak and useless. You should have let me die.” I continued, oblivious to the tears running down my face.

Melanie’s strained expression melted to one of concern as she knelt down next to me and laid her hand on my chest. “You’re not weak or useless.” she whispered with tears streaking down her face, “It was my fault you felt that way. I couldn’t let you kill yourself. I’m sorry I screwed up your training. I think Ann can still help you though?” she said hopefully, glancing at Ann.

Ann was looking at Melanie when she said this and sighed, turning to me, “I can’t guarantee anything, but I do have an idea. However,” she admonished, “you need your rest. You have had an extremely stressful day and a blow to the head. I want you to sleep. In the morning, if you’re feeling better, we can see about trying my idea.”

Hope and despair swirled around in my mind, but exhaustion won out over both, and I was soon asleep.

I awoke to sunlight streaming through the window. My head was feeling a lot better, though still sore. I got up off the couch and winced. My body was sore all over. I wandered around the apartment until I found a bathroom. After stepping inside I started to close the door, only to have it jerk to a stop. I tried to pull it shut the rest of the way, but it wouldn’t budge. “Sorry,” I heard Melanie say from the other side of the door. “We’re not letting you out of our sight until we’re sure you’re not suicidal anymore.”

She glanced around the door at me and shrugged apologetically, then turned her head to give me some semblance of privacy. Sighing, I completed my business and left the bathroom. Melanie guided me to the kitchen, where Ann was cooking breakfast. After pancakes and bacon, we all returned to the living room and sat on the couch with Melanie and Ann on either side of me.

“As I was telling Melanie last night,” Ann began, “I have an idea that might help you. I can’t affect your body directly, because your spirit blocks me. I’ve tried to align my spirit with that of another so that I could, but that didn’t work. However, I think I could align my spirit enough to feed you energy. From what Melanie told me, you came pretty close to awakening, so it shouldn’t take much of a boost from me to work. The hard part is the emotional boost that is required. That’s why Melanie said the things she did. Strong emotions raise the level of your spiritual energy much more than what I think I could feed to you. So we’ll have to do both.” she finished apologetically.

I winced at that. But I would know what they were doing this time, wouldn’t that make it easier? Then again, “Wouldn’t my knowledge of what you’re doing blunt it too much to be useful?” I asked.

Ann smiled sadly, “Normally, it might. But in the state you’re in, it won’t take that much. I think this can work, but I can’t guarantee anything. If you don’t want to try, I’ll understand.”

Melanie snorted, “You might, but I wouldn’t! What’s he got to lose? Makes more sense to go for it, if you ask me.”

I thought about what they had said. Ann was trying not to push me, but although crude, Melanie was correct. There was nothing to lose. The only question was whether there was something to gain. “Alright,” I sighed, “I’ll give it another try.”

“There’s one more thing,” Ann began, “I want Melanie to do this.”

Melanie gaped at Ann in shock, “What?! You haven’t even done this yet, and you want me to?”

“I’ll start it off,” Ann answered, “but I want you to watch what I’m doing and finish it. If this works, it will be an important skill for you to learn. So we’ll do this together, so we can both learn this. I hope you don’t mind being our guinea pig Gerald?”

I shrugged, “It doesn’t matter to me.” I answered. Either it worked or it didn’t, the means were unimportant.

With that decided, they had me relax back into the couch and they each took one of my hands in theirs. They told me to close my eyes and focus as before. Once we were all ready, they began speaking:

“One little set back and you just give up, huh?” Melanie asked with scorn. It wasn’t quite as convincing as last time, but I admit it didn’t need to be. I was feeling so low that I just accepted it as true.

“Oh, don’t be so hard on him.” Ann said offhandedly, “He doesn’t know any better. He’s a coward. Cowards always run when things get tough. It’s in his nature.”

“That’s no excuse!” Melanie yelled back. “Only losers give up without a fight!”

“Well, I did say he was a coward. What else would you call a coward?” Ann answered carelessly.

They continued in that vein for a few minutes. Melanie’s tone was getting to me, but it was how Ann spoke that seemed to affect me the most. Like I was some bug that she was above even noticing. A minor encumbrance of no significance. I managed, with difficulty, to retain my focus, but I could feel myself falling into a very dark place. There were no thoughts this time, only self-loathing and despair.

As I fell farther within, I felt a building pressure which, for lack of a better description, had a flavor of Ann to it. This was followed shortly by another wave of pressure that smelled/tasted/felt like Melanie. It was strange and confusing and I almost lost my concentration. Somehow I persevered.

I was just about ready to give up when I suddenly felt a barrage of odd feelings bombarding me. They were similar to feelings I had experienced before, but with a strange…texture?…to them. Hope, fear, guilt, and others. Words flitted through my mind that made no sense to me. They weren’t my thoughts, or were they? Nothing made sense anymore.

Through the fog I felt Ann and Melanie holding me from each side. “You did it!” Melanie squealed joyfully.

“Try opening your eyes now.” Ann suggested.

Hesitantly, I opened them. Despite the strangeness within, the world without was unchanged. Except…as I glanced at them I noticed that Ann and Melanie were glowing! And there was color, too, along with more strange feelings that I couldn’t identify. Melanie was surrounded by a brilliant yellow light. Ann was surrounded by a luminous array of pink. Had I gone crazy?

“So,” Melanie began excitedly, “what colors do you see? I see Ann as pink, and she sees me as a fiery orange/yellow color.”

“What you’re seeing,” Ann began, looking at Melanie reproachfully, “is our auras. They are the…public face…I guess, of each spirit. With experience they will tell you something about people.”

The strange feelings were starting to calm down a bit, and the glow was fading a little, as well. It helped me think more clearly. “This is very strange.” I said. “I also see Ann as pink, although it seems to be every shade of pink all mixed together, if that makes any sense. Melanie is a bright yellow. What does that mean?” I asked.

Melanie frowned in thought, “I only see one shade of pink in Ann’s aura. Why would we see different things? Shouldn’t we perceive auras the same colors?” she asked.

“I think I know why.” Ann answered. “I’ve noticed you see things a little differently than me, Melanie. I think what you see when you look at another person’s aura is different for each person. Your personality and spirit filter what you see. Basically, the aura reflects not only the most dominant trait of that person, but also a little of how you perceive them. I suspect it could change over time.”

The sensations faded yet more, and their auras flickered in my sight and disappeared. “I can’t see them anymore! Why’s that?” I asked.

Melanie looked worried, but Ann seemed unfazed as she replied, “I expected that. You are exhausted from your awakening, as Melanie was, but you have also used up the energy we gave you. I wouldn’t worry about it. After some rest you should be able to see auras again, with a little help.”

Help? “Do you mean we have to do this every time?!” I asked incredulously.

“Oh, no!” Ann hastened to assure me. “We may have to feed you energy, but not the other. We shouldn’t ever have to do that again. After her initial awakening, Melanie was able to re-connect with just a little positive reinforcement. We’ll have to help you a little extra with our energy, but otherwise it shouldn’t be too difficult for you. Over time Melanie’s energy levels rose to the point where it was effortless for her. You may take a little longer to get there, but I’m sure you will.”

At this point all of the odd sensations were gone and things had returned to normal. Except that I was utterly exhausted. I tried to reply, but all that came out was an enormous yawn. I was so tired I passed right out on the couch.

---

 
Once more I awoke on Melanie’s couch. This time it was dark outside. I noticed that there were no lights on inside and realized they must have gone to bed. I thought about getting up, but I was still very tired. I quite fighting it and went back to sleep, hopeful for the first time in a long time.

When I awoke again, Melanie was just placing a tray with a plate of bacon and eggs on it beside the couch. Ann was sitting in a chair eating her own breakfast. “Good morning!” Melanie said. “Have some breakfast, if you’re anything like me, you must be starving by now.”

I was, so I did. While I ate Melanie went to the kitchen and returned with her own plate. After breakfast I asked if I could take a shower, and they agreed and even let me close the door this time. When I got out, I found my clothes were gone, but a large robe was waiting for me. I put it on and went out to the living room, where Melanie and Ann were waiting patiently. “Where are my clothes?” I asked.

Ann smiled, “Don’t worry, I haven’t thrown them out. I just put them in to wash. Once they’re clean and dry you can get dressed.”

Melanie giggled, “Yeah, not like with me! She did throw my clothes out! But they were pretty messed up, you know?” I remembered that Melanie had said she was living in a small cave for weeks before meeting Ann, and could imagine the state her clothes must have been in.

“Only after I bought you some new ones.” Ann reminded her. “So, Gerald, would you like to continue your training now, or are you still tired?” she asked.

I was a little hesitant, still remembering how horrible I felt the last two times, but remembered that Ann had said they wouldn’t have to do that again. “I guess so.” I answered uncertainly.

So we all got back on the couch with me in the middle again. I laid back and closed my eyes, and they held my hands. I once more focused on that place I’d found yesterday, but couldn’t find it. I was getting a little frustrated when Melanie said, “It’s okay if it’s not easy. You’ve had a really tough time. But it will get better now. Me and Ann will make sure of it!” she finished in an upbeat tone.

“Yes we will.” Ann said compassionately. “And you’ll succeed. Before you know it, you’ll be looking and feeling as good as Melanie there.” I felt Ann hug me, and Melanie follow suit from the other side. I felt very warm inside. I hadn’t experienced this kind of care and acceptance in a long time, and never from someone who knew about me. I felt like a cloud had lifted.

I tried harder to find that place I’d found before, but it still eluded me. I could feel it inside me, but I couldn’t find it. Then I felt that pressure building up inside me again, with a definite flavor of Ann and Melanie mixed in. With that help, it suddenly became obvious where it was, and I was there. Once again I felt thoughts and feelings flitting around and through me that didn’t seem to belong to me.

“Go ahead and open your eyes.” Ann said.

I did, and she was glowing again. I turned my head to look at Melanie, and she was, too. “You’re glowing again.” I said in awe. It truly was amazing, and without the despair of the previous day, I could better appreciate it.

“It is kind of neat, isn’t it?” Melanie giggled. “And you got there a lot easier this time. I didn’t give you as much energy as yesterday. How about you Ann?” Melanie asked, looking across to her.

“I also didn’t give as much energy this time.” Ann agreed. “In time, we won’t have to give any at all. Now, why don’t you relax, Gerald, and let it go?”

Puzzled, I did. The feelings and auras flickered and then faded away. Then, she had me do it again. And again. And again! I’m not sure how long we were at it, but it seemed like several hours. Finally Ann called a halt to it.

“That’s enough for now.” Ann said. “Gerald’s about out of energy, and I think we’re getting a little drained, as well. Why don’t we have lunch?”

Melanie groaned, “I don’t think I’ve got the energy to get up.” she said. I grunted my agreement.

“Okay.” Ann answered. “Why don’t you two get some rest, and I’ll go get some lunch for us.” With that she grabbed her purse and left.

Melanie flopped onto the floor and stretched out. “I didn’t think it would tire me out this much! Good thing Ann was here to help.”

I decided to follow her example, and stretched out on the couch. The next thing I knew, Ann was shaking me awake.

“I know you’re tired,” she said, “but you need to eat. Sit up and eat this.” she said, and handed me a plate of Chinese food. Then she knelt down next to Melanie and shook her awake, as well.

I was rather hungry, and devoured the food like a starving man. Melanie was pretty enthusiastic, too. I think she passed out again afterwards, but I’m not sure because I did, too.

We woke up in time for dinner. Afterwards we trained some more. We didn’t go as long this time, so as not to exhaust ourselves quite so much. Still, I didn’t seem to need nearly as much help as before by the time we were done. This time I was led back to a guestroom, so I could sleep on a bed instead of the couch.

For the next three weeks we continued like that. Apparently that’s a lot longer than it took Melanie, but I had to get to the point where I didn’t need help to connect. Then we moved on to sensing the body. Now that I didn’t need to be fed energy or even encouraged to get my energy levels up, this was easy. Focusing on different parts of the body was a bit more difficult, however.

Things progressed rather well from there. Slowly my confidence increased, and I began to feel a lot better about myself. Healing was actually a little more difficult for me than for Melanie, not because of my lower power level, but because I had no injuries to heal! Melanie decided to change the order of my training to give me some help.

“Ann,” she began one day after another frustrating session, “maybe we should try something else? I mean, without injuries to heal, how is he going to learn? What if you took him on one of your healing trips, and he could observe?” she asked hopefully.

“But he would be seen.” Ann answered.

“I know,” Melanie said, “but not if he were invisible.”

Ann frowned, “Don’t you think it’s a bit early to try and teach him that? Invisibility is not an easy skill to learn.”

I looked back and forth between them, trying to figure out what they were talking about. “Invisibility? What are you saying? Can you really make yourself invisible?” I asked.

Melanie smiled, “Sure! I forgot we hadn’t told you that. That’s why she wouldn’t let me come with her on her trips at first, because she does her healer bit while invisible! It took me forever to get that right, but I can do it too!” And just like that, she disappeared! I looked around, thinking maybe she had just moved too fast to see, but she was nowhere in sight.

“I don’t know…” Ann said. “It would take a lot of time. It would mean it would take that much longer before you get to the point where you can transform yourself.” Ann said to me.

Melanie reappeared, exactly where she had disappeared. Perhaps she hadn’t moved at all? “Like he’s going to get there anytime soon at the rate we’re going? I learned lots about how the body works when I healed my own injuries. He needs that! If he can’t heal his own, he can watch you heal someone else’s.”

“But how would watching her help me?” I asked.

“Not with your eyes, silly!” Melanie answered, “With your mind. If you stay really close to Ann, and focus your mind on her thoughts and feelings, you’ll be able to experience what she’s doing just like if you were doing it yourself.”

Ann seemed deep in thought, and finally said, “Okay, this could work. I don’t like skipping ahead, but there shouldn’t be any harm in this, since it doesn’t affect the body. How about you, Gerald? Are you up for it?”

I just wanted to keep moving forward, so I answered, “Okay. How does this work?”

“It’s a little different from what you’ve done so far. You have to force some of your energy outside your body. You use it to form a second skin around you and your clothes. You then use it to affect how light reflects off of you. Changing your appearance is fairly easy that way, though you have to concentrate on it to keep it going. Invisibility is a little different, though. You have to bend light around you, so that it doesn’t actually touch you at all.”

And so began another round of training. It was very difficult, and I often became frustrated. I finally started to make some progress at the end of the first week. It took another couple of weeks before I could managed true invisibility. That’s when we hit a snag.

“I can’t see!” I yelled in panic when I had finally managed to become invisible. There was no light at all, as if I were blind.

“Calm down.” Ann said, “It’s alright. Because you are bending all light around you, none of it is touching you. With no light reaching your eyes, you can’t see. I’m blind when I’m invisible, too. What you’ll have to do is use the auras of those around you, in combination with information you can gain from their thoughts, to see.”

“Uh, that could be a problem, teach.” Melanie said. “Gerald can’t see auras reliably yet, and has even more trouble with sensing the thoughts and feelings of others. I don’t know if he could navigate that way, yet.”

“Oh, yes.” Ann mused. “That would be a problem. But those senses can’t be taught, they develop as you learn how to use your spirit.” She paused for a few moments in thought. “I guess we’ll all have to go.” she finally said.

“Huh?” Melanie asked.

“If we all go, then I can do the healing, and you can guide Gerald. I think that’s the only way this is going to work.” Ann answered.

“Oh, okay.” Melanie said. “But I think Gerald needs some more training, first.” Melanie pointed at me as she said this. I had become visible again, which was kind of a relief because it meant I could see.

So we continued training. Another three weeks later, they judged me able to maintain invisibility long enough to proceed. I would have been ready sooner, but I needed to be able to mesh with Ann at the same time, and that took some work.

We waited until the next day to go, so I would be well rested. We stayed visible until after entering the hospital, then found an empty corner and became invisible. It was very strange feeling Melanie’s hand on my arm guiding me, but seeing nothing. I occasionally saw hers or Ann’s aura, but otherwise nothing. We seemed to wander about for hours, but it was probably only a few minutes.

Ann must have found someone who needed her help, because Melanie pushed me forwards and guided my hand onto Ann’s where it presumably rested on someone who was dying. I meshed my mind with hers as best I could, and watched as she healed them. It was very strange, as Ann could see all that was wrong with this woman, but could only do so much. Once the woman was healed enough to be stable, her own spirit reasserted itself and forced Ann out.

We didn’t speak, since our invisibility doesn’t affect sound, and moved on. Ann found one other person who was far enough along that she could help them. This one was a man, who had cancer through most of his body. Because the problem was so wide-spread, it took quite a bit to heal him. By the time his own spirit forced us out, I had seen quite a bit.

Ann couldn’t find anyone else she could help, so we found another empty place near the entrance of the hospital, and became visible again. It was a relief to be able to see.

Back at the apartment we talked about what I had seen, and what it meant. Melanie was right, I did learn a lot from those healings. I don’t know if I ever would have been able to progress without that help.

---

 
Training resumed in earnest after that. I finally mastered identifying the different parts of the body, and began making small changes. That’s when another problem showed up. I realized that if I continued with these changes, I would soon look too different for anybody who knows me to recognize me. Melanie already had no legal identity, because she had no way of proving she had been Joe. If I continued, I would be in the same position.

To prevent this problem, I changed my name to Veronica, legally. Then came the hard part, telling my parents and siblings. Melanie and Ann both said they thought I should, but I was terrified. I was sure my family would never accept me. What’s worse, if they did accept me, Ann and Melanie wanted to tell them everything. They wanted to tell them how I was changing. They figured that I would have to keep my changes small, like hormones would have, otherwise. And we all knew I would never be able to pass very well that way.

They finally convinced me, but only because they both promised to come with me. There was no chance I was going to do this alone! So that’s how I found myself on my parents doorstep with my two new friends/teachers. The only changes I had made thus far were to my skin (clearer and softer), hair (brown to glossy blue-black and much longer), and body hair (got rid of most of it, especially beard and mustache area). I didn’t look like a woman, but I certainly looked different.

When my mother answered the door, she clearly didn’t recognize me at first. She started to ask me what I wanted, but then her eyes widened and she said, “Gerald, is that you?!”

And so began another stressful day. My mother was shocked, and my father was…confused. I had called my brother and sisters, and they all managed to come out. We were the first ones there. One by one they arrived, and were told about me. My brothers only reaction was, “Weird!”. My older sister Tracy seemed rather uncomfortable, but didn’t say anything. My youngest sister Michelle said, “That explains a lot!” I was not the only one shocked at that.

Once Michelle had explained that I was much nicer and more considerate than the older brothers of any of her friends, and how her friends all thought I was gay, there were many knowing glances being exchanged between my family. Apparently, her friends weren’t the only ones who thought that way. I was a bit shocked, as I thought I’d hidden things better than that.

We talked for a couple of hours, before Melanie and Ann got involved (we had introduced them as my roommates). “There’s something else you need to know.” Ann said.

“Yeah,” Melanie added, “things are even stranger than you know. Veronica’s going to be all girl when she’s through. She’ll look really different.”

This caused a lot of confusion. We tried to explain, but finally resorted to Ann becoming male right in front of their eyes. I hadn’t seen this trick yet, myself, so was similarly stunned. I had made a few minor changes, and knew that Melanie had made much larger ones over time, but this was all but instantaneous!

We were there all day explaining that one. We ended up spending the night and continuing the discussion in the morning. Despite Ann’s demonstration (she had since changed back, of course), my family was having a lot of trouble accepting this. Melanie thought it would help if they could see me make some more changes to myself.

I soon found myself the center of attention while everyone waited for me to do something. Ann suggested I start with my eyes. I had expressed an interest in dark blue eyes, rather than my current hazel color. It was very difficult to keep my eyes open while doing it, but I finally managed it. It was such a small change, though, that it didn’t do much to convince them.

Melanie then suggested I redistribute the fat in my body to where it collects on women. They talked me through it, and soon I had a more feminine shape, complete with small breasts! I think my family was as shocked by my gleeful reaction as they were to the change itself!

Fortunately, they were satisfied by that, because I was exhausted! Everyone insisted on regular photographic updates, so they would know how I look. I got everyone’s e-mail address (I lost my computer when I was evicted), and we returned to the apartment, where I immediately crashed.

With my identity secured (and me a lot happier knowing my family could accept me!), we got back to my training. I was feeling much more positive about things, and found it easier than before. Over the next four months I completed my transformation. Much to my surprise, my brother came to visit a couple of times to see how I was changing and just to catch up. Tracy visited several times, her discomfort seemed to have vanished entirely. Michelle visited every chance she got, and was very supportive. My parents were a little more standoffish, but did visit once.

Once my transformation was complete, I saw a doctor to get proof of my gender, so I could get it legally changed as well. I just pretended I’d had surgery and he accepted it, thankfully. I got a new birth certificate, drivers license, everything.

Melanie insisted on taking me shopping. They had bought me some simple clothes as I changed too much to wear what I had, but I didn‘t have much. I was nervous about it. I had remained mostly indoors and hadn’t mixed much with strangers as Veronica. My enthusiasm was greatly lacking until I discovered my new style. Melanie thought it was ‘way cool’, but Ann thought it a bit odd that a thirty year old lawyer would want to dress Goth. I was quite surprised myself, but with Melanie’s encouragement, I gave it a try.

So that’s my story.” I finished. I looked over at her and wondered what she was thinking. I noticed Ann enter out of the corner of my eye and join Melanie, who must have arrived while I was talking. “So,” I asked hesitantly, “What do you think?”

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 To Be Continued...