What We Did For Love
by Jengrl

Guilt.

One of the worst feelings in the world. It can torture someone relentlessly.

I had been struggling with this feeling every day since I first put on a pair of panties and a dress at my cousin Heather's house at age six. We were having a tea party in her room and she begged me to become her girlfriend Jenny. I didn't think anything about it. We were just having fun and I was Heather's favorite playmate anyway. My mother just happen to come creeping down the hall with Aunt Jan at that moment. JOSEPH ALAN STRATTON! The next thing I knew I was grabbed from behind and dragged out of the room. My mother was uttering words I had never heard her say as she pulled the clothes off and told me to get dressed in the clothes I came in. We left her house and I never saw her for another five years. I was devastated and cried for a week.

Life went on and the memory of that day stays with me to this day. What mother didn't know know was that I continued to find ways to dress whenever I could. I would use my allowance to buy panties and other items of girl's clothing. I had a footlocker in the closet of my bedroom where I would hide my stash. My parents must have taken for granted that her stunt at Heather's house had scared me enough that they didn't have to worry about it again. To my knowledge, she never found anything I had hidden. I felt the guilt, but my deep seated need to be a girl was stronger. I finally got to see Heather again at a family reunion when I was eleven and it was just like we had never been apart. We started talking and both of us relived that terrible day. She told me that her mother was very angry at the way my mother had reacted. She is a Therapist and was not all that upset with seeing me as a girl. She tried to talk to Mom, but Mom was convinced that she was teaching Heather her more liberal views and she was in turn, passing them on to me. I found it so strange that Mom and Aunt Jan could grow up in the same house and be so different in their views. Mom is a school teacher and Dad is a plumber. I could understand Dad's reaction because he was raised in a home with a very strong macho presence and held rigid views on LGBT people. I thought that Mom would be more accepting because she deals with kids that have different issues every day. I guess I was wrong.

I made it through Junior High and High School without any indication my parents knew my secret. I was lucky that my body had not developed more masculine traits. Looking back, I wonder if their wasn't some kind of hormonal imbalance. My parents either never paid attention to my development or they were in denial. I got accepted into college where I began to pursue a Pre-Law curriculum and somehow lucked out in getting a single dorm room. You can guess what I did in my free time (Yep!).

The day I met Jayne Ellen will stand out in my mind forever. We were in the cafeteria line. She had just gotten a plate of Spaghetti and turned around just as I was getting a glass of Iced tea from the fountain. Predictably we collided with my tea spilling on her blouse and her Spaghetti wound up decorating my Polo shirt. We both apologized, but then we started laughing at the way each of us looked. There was a spark there that was very apparent. We each set our trays down and then went to the restroom to clean up as best we could. She was waiting at my table when I returned. We started talking and agreed to meet later for dinner as well as a dance on campus. We got up and walked hand in hand out of the cafeteria and to our respective dorms to change our clothes.

Later than evening we met for dinner and talked about our families. Her last name didn't really jog my memory until she told me her father was a member of the U.S Congress. Henry Wellington III was one of the wealthiest and most conservative Congressmen in the country. Her mother was a society wife and expected her children to tow the family's conservative line all the way. Jayne Ellen confided that she was really glad to be away from home because her views were not as closeminded and rigid as her family. She was majoring in Business Administration with a minor in Accounting. I was majoring in Business Administration to prepare myself for a career as a Corporate Attorney but we had different professors. We talked for hours and then walked across campus to the dance at the Omega house. We danced all the dances exclusively and were very rarely apart from each other the rest of the time we were in college. I felt guilty about not telling her about my deepest desires, but I felt her love would somehow "cure" me. I proposed to her in the Spring of our Senior year and she tearfully accepted. Her parents were not very happy because they wanted her to marry someone from a well connected family. Somehow, the son of a school teacher and a plumber was not who they had in mind for their daughter. We stood our ground and they finally gave their blessing after I landed a position in a top firm on Wall Street. It worked out well, because Jayne Ellen landed a position in the same office. We married in a beautiful ceremony attended by five hundred guests. My parents loved Jayne Ellen from the first moment they met her. I wondered if they were impressed that she was the daughter of a U.S Congressmen or they thought she was just as conservative as they are. They would have a surprise in that regard, but more about that later. We went on a honeymoon to Europe and then settled down in a Brownstone on the Upper East Side..

Our lives settled into a routine over the next year. Our sex lives were very good and we were always willing to try new things. She even came up with the idea to have me wear a silk nightgown and panties to bed. I didn't think anything about it at the time. We were just having fun. One morning, I heard a squeal come from the bathroom. Jayne Ellen came out holding a stick in her hand with a positive sign. I was thrilled that we were bringing a new life into the world, but the old guilt reared it's ugly head and I wondered what our child would think about having two mommies. I had been dressing when my wife was out shopping with her friends and thought she didn't know about my secret.

The pregnancy progressed very well with just the usual moments of morning sickness and cravings. Jayne Ellen craved Chocolate Ice Cream and pretzels. I would make many midnight runs to the Corner market. Finally, the day arrived when our little Joy Ellen made her debut. We were so happy. Our little girl was an absolute angel with blue eyes and the cutest dimples in her cheeks. Her grandparents flew up and absolutely fell in love with their new granddaughter. Jayne Ellen's sister, Kaye, came up after we brought mother and baby home. She was a freelance writer in Philadelphia and gave us a library of Children's books for her little niece. She was a huge help for us in the following days and helped us with settling into a routine with baby Joy. We alternated with the 3am feedings. Jayne Ellen would get up and breastfeed her, but there were bottles of breast milk in the refrigerator and I would get one out and sit down and feed her. In those moments, I felt just like her mother and our bond was very special. Again, the guilt reared up, but I couldn't help it. I found out that Jayne Ellen had witnessed those moments and fell in love with me even more.

Life progressed on for a few more months until the day I got the call from Jayne Ellen's friend Melinda. They had gone shopping at a mall over in New Jersey when they were involved in a very serious car accident. This driver had run a red light and hit her car in the back quarter panel, spinning them into the median. Jayne Ellen was in very critical condition. Fortunately, I was taking care of Joy so she was not in the car. I hung up and called Mrs. Jensen next door. She came and took care of the baby as I grabbed my jacket and jumped in my car. I got to the hospital nearly an hour later after wading through traffic and getting a speeding ticket. I tried to tell the officer what was going on, but he wasn't buying it. I went to the Emergency Room and found out that she had been taken to surgery. I made it to the fourth floor and found Melinda in tears. She had some cuts and bruises, but she was physically okay. We waited for two hours before we saw the doctor come out. She had a broken leg, broken arm and major internal bleeding. The doctor explained that it had been touch and go for awhile because she flatlined on the table. They were able to revive her and repair the bleeding. She was not out of the woods, but she was holding her own.

The next two weeks were a constant vigil at her bedside. Kaye and her parents came up as well as my parents. We alternated shifts between staying at the hospital and taking care of Joy. On the fourteenth day, Jayne woke up from her coma. She had been breathing on her own for a week and was able to speak. She first wanted to know if Joy was okay and then she told me how much she loved me. I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I told her I loved her too. Her recovery took off from there and she was back home with us a week later. As we lay there in bed later that night, she said something that rocked me to the core. She told me that she something to tell me. I was bracing myself for what she was going to say. She apologized for not telling me before we married, but her fear prevented her from telling me. She was a Lesbian and I was floored ! She said that she felt she had to hide it because of her family's position in society. She saw a quality in me that drew her like a moth to a flame. I was not overly macho and my demeanor was more feminine. She decided she could satisfy her own desires and please her parents as well. She knew that she had been given a second chance when she had been brought back from the brink of death and didn't want to hide anymore. She told me she knew about my dressing and it didn't bother her at all.

I decided to come clean too. I told her that my dressing went deeper than just clothes and that I had always known I was a girl from a very early age. I told her about what my mother did to me at age six and how I had continued to hide my dressing the rest of my time at home. She smiled and told me that it was time for both of us to be true to ourselves. I laid awake the rest of the night and got up a few times to check on our little girl. We began to talk about the future and where we wanted to go. We both knew that we would stay together as soulmates and as parents. We called qualified therapists and doctors to get me started on the road to becoming Jennifer Lynne Stratton and I began to bank my sperm as well as beginning Electrolysis. After a few months of therapy, I began HRT.

We knew that we had to break it to our parents and they reacted as we predicted they would. Her parents were absolutely mortified to find out their daughter was "One of those people" but we asserted ourselves once again. They absolutely blew a gasket when we told them about me, but then again, it was as we expected. Her parents were concerned about how our news would affect the image of their family and political leanings. It was, in their words, a scandal! They even threatened to fight for custody of our daughter until we reminded them that I was a top attorney and we lived in a state where our rights were protected. The meeting with my parents didn't go much differently, but at least, my mother was willing to listen. Dad was not as receptive. He began by calling my wife a dyke and then called me a sissy fag. Again not that surprising. At least they knew better than to threaten to fight for custody of Joy.

Fortunately, Kaye was very understanding about everything. She had known about Jayne's sexual orientation ever since they were teenagers. She was kind of puzzled as to why she fell in love with me, but she figured that Jayne saw something special in me. She was very supportive and continued to spoil her niece rotten every time she visited. Kaye announced that she was a lesbian as well. She even helped Jayne teach me things I needed to know as a woman. Being a licensed Cosmetologist (as well as a writer), She is a whiz with makeup and I was soon putting it on like a pro. She styled my hair in a mass of curls down to my shoulders and even gave Jayne a really pretty hairdo. We both love her very much and appreciate everything she continues to do for us.

The months went by as my body began to change and we met with our HR department to tell them what was going on. I went to court and changed my name to Jennifer. My colleagues took it in stride and treated me just like any other woman. I had a few issues with some clients I talked with, particularly some men, but they didn't threaten me other than a few derogatory words. Jayne and I got more flak for holding hands in a restaurant. The tourists from down South would hiss at us when they passed. We really didn't care! As we got closer to my SRS date, we made plans to transfer to the Boston office. I began to study for and soon passed the Massachusetts Bar and we put our house on the market. We sold it for a nice profit and then put the money down on a huge Colonial in Malden, Mass. We moved up there a month before my surgery, so we could get settled in. It was a beautiful house and had plenty of room for future additions to our family.

We flew out to Colorado a month later and I checked into the hospital. I was prepped for surgery and with a kiss from Jayne and Joy, I was wheeled into the O.R. I awoke several hours later to a smiling Jayne who gave me a kiss hello and welcomed me to official womanhood. I had a Catheter draining my pee and my vagina was packed with gauze. I was very lucky in that I developed a C cup without having Breast Augmentation, so that was one less pain I had to deal with. Over the next few days, my routine consisted of dilating and training my urine stream to hit the toilet as I sat. We stayed another week and then returned home to continue my recovery.

After a couple of months, Jayne began to teach me how to pleasure my new body and we both had a lot of fun with each other. We had also began to talk about renewing our wedding vows. We both wanted a quiet ceremony with just family and close friends. Our parents were still getting used to our new status, but they were slowly coming around. We were shocked when both fathers offered to walk us down the aisle. We were both in tears and looked at this as a turning point in our relationships. Kaye even surprised us by buying a home right around the corner from ours. Joy absolutely loved having Auntie Kaye around to spoil her. Needless to say, we loved having her close by too.

Our Wedding day was just as special as it was the first time. We held it at an Estate on Cape Cod. Our little girl was a flower girl and she was so cute! Jayne and I wore matching gowns and carried bouquets of pink roses and baby's breath. Kaye and Heather served as bridesmaids. We were all surprised when we saw sparks between them as they smiled across the aisle from each other. Reverend Rachel Reid officiated the ceremony and we all went back to the house for a cookout afterward. Later that night, Jayne and I settled down for the night. She turned and whispered to me " I have a surprise for you!

Epilogue

Nine months later, I found myself in the delivery room awaiting the birth of our twins. Merideth Elizabeth Stratton came into the world followed ten minutes later by her brother Mitchell Ryan. Jayne had gone to the sperm bank and gotten inseminated with some of my frozen assets about three weeks before our wedding. She knew it would be a very nice wedding gift. Joy had started to ask when she would have a little brother or sister. We all had tears in our eyes as we witnessed our two newest miracles. I was taking extra hormones that allowed me to lactate and I was able to feed one while Jayne fed the other one. Our celebration was magnified further by Heather and Kaye announcing their engagement. Heather had moved up here from Atlanta, where she was an Interior Decorator. She had been out and proud for a long time. Our firm helped her find a job with one of our clients and she settled into living with Kaye. Joy was doubly spoiled now and loved to stay at their house. They were even brave enough to take on all three of them, so Jayne and I could have some time to ourselves from time to time. Just when our lives had already had enough surprises, we were watching CNN one afternoon when a bulletin came across the screen. Henry Wellington III had just announced that he was switching parties. He had taken quite a bit of grief for having two lesbian daughters and a transsexual daughter-in-law. He realized that his heart was no longer into hating people and vowed to push for more tolerance and love. As I look at my wife and children, I marvel at the incredible journey that has brought us to this place and what we did for love.