There's an old saying. It goes "Behind every good man is a good woman." The truth of that saying is stranger than you might think.

Behind Every Good Man…

By

BrandieS

Some things are best left unsaid. Some things are best out in the open. Who decides these things because I don’t know? What I do know is that it’s time to tell you my story. If you’re a skeptic or cynical, you choose whether or not you want to continue reading. For the rest of you, get comfortable, kick off your shoes, get a cool refreshing drink. Oh, don’t forget your thinking cap. You may need it.

It’s the summer of 1989 and I’m going to tell you a story. It’s set in the past and some of the parts may be a little fuzzy, but please bear with me. I’ll try to do my best to keep you entertained. The story is about me. Surprise! Not! In fact the story is about me from the time my mother died until I finished High School, at least part of High School, the part of which I spent living as a woman. It started this way…

I was born on the Fourth of July in 1959. My mother and father, Fred and Rosemary Daniels, had been married for only five years at this time. Dad had been looking for work for several months. Mom was staying with her parents till he found a place for us, the ‘us’ being Mom, my brother Mark and I. They exchanged letters and the rare long-distance phone call. I was a big baby, but mom said that all the babies born in her family were big. My parents had selected a name for me and I was named Gene. A girl child would have been named Jean. I was spoiled by my grandparents and relatives. I grew into a little pudgy ball of baby. The PC term today is 'pleasantly plump' in those days I was a fat baby. Mom's family was big and she said I took after her. She was a large woman but solid. She had been raised on a farm and despite her size she was strong.

When I started First Grade, I was 46 inches tall and weighed almost 70 pounds; I had short brown hair and all the hallmarks of being chubby. Compared to the other kids I was a giant. That became my nickname. Everybody called me Giant. I tried to be friendly with the other kids and generally was. Some of the kids would try to scare the littler kids when I was around and that caused me problems. I would get reported and my mom would be called to the school. This went on and on. I was made to be the bad guy just because I was bigger than the other kids. Then the name calling began in earnest, Fatty, Hippo, Tubby, and Slob, all of them. You have probably called a fat person by several of these names. The names hurt regardless of that old rhyme. I was tolerated thru Elementary School and grew to 4 four 7 inches and 122 pounds by the time I reached Fifth Grade at 10 years old, shorter than most of my classmates, but heavier too. There I was again the butt of jokes about my size.

Even as big as I was, there were some things I couldn’t do for myself. That’s where my brother Mark came in. Sometimes I’d get picked on by a bigger kid and he’d come to my rescue. Mark was my hero. I wanted to be like him. He was a spitting image of my dad and being 4 years older, I naturally looked up to him. He did teach me how to play ball and some other things. The down side was that my weight limited my activity in some outdoor pursuits. He was one of the first to talk to me about my weight and tried to help me lose a few pounds and shape up.

I was trying to get my weight under control, but nothing seemed to help. I started to exercise by walking daily and riding my bicycle. Mark would pace me and encourage me. I even sent off for one of those exercise programs from the back of comic books. My dad got a set of weights and he helped me work out. The weight set worked great for Mark, not too good for me though. The exercise caused me to get hungry and I seemed to just eat more. I only lost a few pounds but did start to tone up. Then the diet to end all diets came into my life.

My mother was in an automobile accident and killed. Dad was devastated and I was too. Mom was the glue that held our family together. My little sister, Sally, was only 2 years old and she seemed to regress to being a baby again. She had to be put back into diapers.

Dad took us to a Church counselor and the counselor said it was not unexpected. Sally was regressing to an earlier time when she felt more love. Dad was irritable and I said nothing. Mark just stayed quiet. The counselor said that Sally would get past this phase and that we should just treat her normally. Because Dad worked the nightshift and I went to school in the day, I was responsible for her in the evenings and on weekends. Mark had things he had to do and the counselor suggested that he keep his obligations outside the family as the interaction with other people would help him get over his grief. I’ll tell you that it was embarrassing for a 10 year old boy to change diapers, especially for a two year old girl. But I did it.

Sometimes it seemed that the only family I had was Sally. Dad was either at work or somewhere else. Mark should have been around, but he said he had ‘things to do’. My sister latched on to me and we became inseparable. As I said this started the diet to end all diets, Mom was the cook and Dad and I were helpless in the kitchen. Don’t ask about Mark and the kitchen. The only recipe he knew was how to make clean plate dirty. I could read the instructions from the box and so became the cook. My sister liked Mac and Cheese and that's what we ate mostly. This was almost the 1970s and quick fix foods were fast filling the shelves on the supermarket. We also ate salad and Hot Dogs. My working around the house and caring for my sister caused me to lose a lot of weight and by the time I was 16 years old and in 11th Grade I was 5 feet 5 inches tall and down to a cool 100 pounds. My hair had also grown out to about shoulder length, with some curl at the ends.

By now, it was 1975 and boys were again wearing their hair longer. Mine had grown out because it was just too hard to get to the barbershop. I had tried to cut it with scissors, but that was a disaster. Another good part of the diet were my legs, I had nice long lean legs and a flat belly and thin sculpted arms. But there was a problem. I didn't lose the weight everywhere. What I mean was that my belly and legs slimmed down, but my chest was still big. In fact I looked like I had boobs. Another thing about me that was strange was that my penis never got stiff. When I had to pee, I felt the urge, but nothing else. Even in the mornings. As I got older, still no stiffness, Most of the boys I knew started to brag about how big they were when stiff, but I stayed out of those talks. Even when I started to realize the difference between boys and girls, no stiffness happened. Watching a pretty girl in a bathing suit or seeing a glimpse of feminine breast, you guessed it, no stiffness.

I was worried, but afraid to talk to dad. Instead I asked Mark about my problem. He told me about guys in the locker room and some of the things they said. I was amazed. Then he told me about what happened to him, in the mornings and sometimes when he was around a pretty girl. I was embarrassed and so was he but we both had to laugh at it. We were having such a good time that I told him about my chest. He didn’t understand and so I just took off my shirt and threw it at him. Wow, you shoulda seen his jaw drop. He threw my shirt back at me and told me to put it on. He also said not to let any of the guys see me like that. He said it looked like I had boobs. He also said that the way I looked after losing all the weight made me look like a girl.

It wasn’t too long after that, that Sally discovered my secret. It was summer and she wanted to go to the Swimming Pool. Dad said ok, if I would take her. She was excited, running and jumping around. Maybe a little too excited. She accidentally hit me in the chest and I fell down. My chest felt like it was on fire. I got up holding my arms across my chest and sat down. Sally said she was sorry. I just nodded at her. Dad had heard the noise and came to investigate. When he saw me holding my chest, he asked “What’s wrong?” I said I got hit accidentally and would be ok in a few minutes. Then he said “Let’s see.” I panicked and started to cry.

Dad sat beside me and lifted my shirt. Boy you shoulda seen his eyes when he looked at my chest. Without looking at her, dad said “Sally, go out and play.” Turning to me he asked “Gene, what’s happened to your chest?’

“I don’t know, dad.”

“Uh, how long had it been like this?”

I thought for a couple of seconds, then said “Uh, maybe about a year.”

Boy did dad goldfish. “About a year! Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” I just shrugged my shoulders.

Because of the pain in my chest, Dad took me to a doctor. The doctor said that I had a condition called Gynecomastia and a lot of boys got it, the Gynecomastia I mean. Most boys got real small boobs, others a little bigger, I got extra-large ones. The doctor said that the boobs should go away. He said that only time would tell. I don't think he told time that. When the doctor talked to me alone I asked him about my penis, telling him that it never got stiff. He said that it might be a complication of the Gynecomastia and not to worry. Dad asked the doctor for a medical exemption from PE and the doctor agreed.

When School started I had to take Home Economics. Dad thought this was a good choice as it was only us three now. Mark had left for the Army. He was going to be a Heavy Equipment operator. The class also taught sewing and I needed that skill for mending stuff. So I went to class. I got funny looks from the girls and funnier looks from the boys. I was scared all the time and kept to myself. I didn't volunteer in class and tried to be like Claude Raines. The invisible man, er boy.

Sally found out about my boobs sometime after my doctor’s exam. She saw the funny shirts I had to wear and had noticed the softness of my chest. She said that when I hugged her it was like being hugged by mommy. Needless to say my little sister thought that boobs were funny on her brother. Seven year olds have a strange sense of humor. Whoever heard of a brother with boobs and she took advantage of them, too. Once I had to go to her school for a conference, the teacher just thought I was her mother or maybe a big sister.

I sat on the bench outside the school office. I was wearing plain jeans and a loose sweater. My hair was in a small ponytail and I kept tapping my foot. As the door to the office opened, I stood nervously. A woman, somewhere in her thirties, stood there looking at me. Her head was moving up and down as she watched me. Then her hand comes out in front of her and she said "Mrs. Daniels? How nice to meet you. You're younger looking than I thought you would be." Her smile flashed brightly.

"Um, no, I'm not Sally's mother, I'm her..."

I was cut off as she quickly said, "I'm sorry, I just assumed that you were her mother. She looks just like you. You must be her big sister. I'm Miss Preston." I just nodded and held out my hand at the introduction.

I said, "I'm Gene. Now... "

Again I was cut off, as she continued to talk, telling me about Sally and her class activities. At one point, she asked if my mother was available and I told her that I was the raising Sally cause mom had passed. She gave me a hug at this and told me that I was a brave girl. How do you explain boobs on a boy, because she had noticed? Whoever heard of a boy with long hair and boobs in 1975?

My sister laughed at that. There were other times too. Like when I took her to get a haircut and the stylist wanted to give me a perm. Or how about when I was shopping and the sales ladies just ushered me into the female fitting rooms. Then there were the times that I was asked if I was buying a bra. Talk about embarrassing. Even when I saw my reflection in a mirror all I saw was my reflection. What other people saw, I didn’t know. That and the face that I was treated differently, like I was older made me wonder.

Dad decided to move closer to his job and my sister and I agreed. We would get away and live somewhere new. There were a lot of memories in the house and hopefully moving would help us put the past behind us. It was worth a try. We were all miserable in that house without mom and too many times I heard dad cry himself to sleep.

I went to a new school for High School and hardly knew anyone there. I wore a special shirt to keep my chest as flat as I could. The doctor recommended it and dad had agreed. I also wore loose baggy shirts. That part was easy as I always wore my clothes large anyway. I didn't want anyone to see my chest, especially one of the guys I might know. That would be real bad. I kept a low profile and tried to be invisible. In a way the Home Ec class helped. Most of the kids thought I was a shy girl or a tomboy and I got ignored. I still got funny looks though and even the occasional smile from a boy. I felt strange.

As I said I had lost a lot of weight and my body took on a new shape. As I was in Home Ec, it was assumed that I was a girl. Boys just didn't take Home Ec in 1975. The girls were friendly enough but I kept my distance. I was eager to learn about girls, but as a 16 year old boy I was nervous around them. School had been in session for about 5 weeks and I had been wearing my usual shirt. On this day, one of the girls, Helen, handed me a package as I took my seat. "I got this for you." She turned to face the front of the class as I held the package.

The teacher saw Helen pass the package and we had to go to the front of the class. The teacher asked "What's in the package?"

"I don't know." I replied. Not good enough for her, she made me open the package and show the class the contents. I was embarrassed, it was a Bra.

The teacher looked at Helen and asked "Helen, why have you given Gene a bra?"

Helen said "I thought she needed one. I mean when she bends over you can see the outline of her breasts under her shirt and it was a shame to not have anything nice to wear." The teacher agreed and told Helen to take me to the Lavatory and help me change into my new bra. Helen was excited to do this.

Helen grabbed my hand and pulled me into the Lavatory. I really didn't want to go in there. The door was clearly marked Girls Lavatory and I was embarrassed to go inside. I pleaded with her not to do this to me. I made promises to take the bra home and try it on. Helen wouldn't listen and I guess I was so loud that the teacher heard me and came to investigate. I tried to explain that I didn't need to try on the bra but this fell on deaf ears. The rest of the class got involved in my argument. I thought I was winning when one of the girls said "Jean why don't you try it on. I saw you with your little sister last Saturday buying her clothes and I saw you eyeing the bras. You really should have a nice one too." I stood there and started crying. I was crying because I loved my sister and helped her in every way I could. Not for not having my own bra. I just didn't know how to tell them. I guess they misunderstood, because they pulled off my outer shirt and removed my inner shirt. There were several audible gasps when my chest was exposed. The teacher asked for a tape measure and as I stood naked from the waist up, she measured my chest. The girls were amazed to learn that I was a 34B. Boy did their tongues start to wag. The bra Helen gave me was a 32A, I could wear it, but it was tight. When I looked down all I could see was pink flesh and lace; I got embarrassed.

The class was excited for me. They asked why my mother didn't let me wear a real bra and I started crying again. In between sniffles, I told them that she was killed by a drunk driver six years ago. Some of them started crying now. Helen gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek causing me to turn red. The teacher told the girls to go back to their seats, but I was to stay. With the girls out of the room, the teacher said that she wanted to talk to me after school. I just nodded my head as she led me back into the classroom. I was dreading the rest of the class.

The rest of the day was a blur. I wanted to take off the bra, but couldn't get the privacy to do it. Some of the girls from my Home Ec class stayed by me all day, they said that I needed to catch up on girl stuff. They even tried to pull me into the Girl's Lavatory! Lucky for me the last bell rang and I could go home and take off this bra. Then I remembered I had to see Mrs. Peek in Home Ec. With a heavy head I made my way back to Home Ec.

Mrs. Peek wasn't the ogre I thought she was. She was very kind to me and offered to help me be the best girl I could. I hesitatingly answered her questions. I told her about my mom's death, taking care of my little sister and big brother. I told her about learning to cook and keeping up with the house work. As a working woman, she had some sympathy for me in these departments. Finally she asked me about girl things. "Jean, how do you get on with out your mother?" Realizing what she said, she turned red with embarrassment. "I'm sorry; it's that I mean not having her guidance for clothes and girl stuff." This time I turned red when she mentioned the time of the month and even redder when she showed me some of the things girls used at that time. Then she asked me what I was using and I told her that I didn't do that. She was confused because I was 16 years old and didn't have a period yet. She mentioned about me going to a doctor and I panicked. I blurted out that I was a boy. You should have seen the look on her face.

"Mrs. Peek, I'm sorry. I didn't mean, I mean, I, oh, what's the use." I started to cry. Let her get me expelled. I'd get my beatings anyway, just as soon as she opened her mouth the news would be all over. The guys would use me as a punching bag and the girls would laugh or just egg them on.

Mrs. Peek sat still and watched me, her mouth opened, but no sound came out. We sat in the Home Ec room looking at each other. I thought that she'd blow her top. I just waited while she looked at me like I was dirt. At least that's how I felt. Finally she smiled and asked "Gene, how do you explain that?" She pointed at my chest.

I told her about being fat as a baby and when I was younger. I told her about taking over the house chores and raising my sister. I told her about how I lost weight everywhere but my chest and that a doctor said that my chest would be normal in time. Then she asked me about the bra. I turned red again. I had tried to forget I was wearing it. She asked if it was comfortable and I admitted that it was a little tight. She smiled at that. She asked about my sister and I gave her the story of the diapers and how sis was now, even the part about buying her clothes and seeing the bras. She smiled more as I talked. She said she had a lot of thinking to do and that we’d talk again. I left her room and went home. I was dreading tomorrow.

Just another day at school was dragging on. My first three classes were ok, but then came Home Ec. I prayed for the school to catch on fire or something. Tough luck, no fire; instead Home Ec. I went into the class filled with dread. The girls were nice to me. A couple of them actually touched my hand. I was nervous. I wondered what Mrs. Peek had planned. Was she going to tell the girls that I was a boy? And if she did how would they react? I was about to find out. Mrs. Peek came into the classroom and shut the door behind her. She looked at the faces looking at her and nodded a greeting. I relaxed slightly. She took role and then called me to the front of the class. Now I was scared. She pointed to a spot on the floor and I stood by it. Next she called up three of the girls and they stood next to me. She looked at us and smiled. I was confused.

"Class, today we are doing something different." she began, "Look at the four students in front of you and taking a piece of paper, please write down as many differences that you can see. You have five minutes to do this, starting now." She wandered around the class as the girls looked at us and wrote on their paper. When the five minutes were over, she collected the pages and began reading the results. I cringed, and then relaxed because no one wrote that I was a boy. I was skinny, had a pretty face and some of the girls were jealous of my chest. Another said that she wanted to be my friend because I attracted the good looking boys. One of the girls was taller than me and one smaller. Most of the stuff written was the same. Oh, yea they did say I dressed more like a boy as I wore pants all the time. Mrs. Peek asked the four of us if we had any comments to make about each other. A couple of the girls said I had a nicer bust and one thought I had prettier hair that was all. Then Mrs. Peek asked if we had anything to say to the class. She went down the line calling on each girl, then me. I stood there in shock. She came up to me and said it was ok. I took a deep breath and told them I was a boy. They didn't believe me. Especially after yesterday. One of the girls asked me to prove it, but Mrs. Peek said that was not going to happen. Then the girl that had asked me to prove it said that just proved I was a girl. She said that boys liked to show-off. I turned red at that.

No one in the class would believe I was a boy. Scary! Mrs. Peek said that on Saturday she was going to be at J. C. Penny's in the Eastgate Plaza to do some shopping and that if anyone wanted to they were welcome to join her. The girls started going wild about that. I thought it was just shopping. What did I know? One of the girls asked if I was going to be there and I said I didn't know. Then Mrs. Peek said that I would be there and several of the girls said that they would come too. Oh, joy. Yuk!

Saturday came and I tried to forget about the shopping with Mrs. Peek. Not so my Dad. It seems that Mrs. Peek had called him and volunteered the information about Saturday morning and added that it was a class function. Dad asked me if I was going and when I said "No" he just handed me thirty dollars and said to have a nice time. He also gave Sally Five dollars. Of course Sally was anxious to go and dragged me out of the house to the bus stop.

We got to the shopping plaza a few minutes after ten and headed for J. C. Penny's. Mrs. Peek was there and smiled as we arrived. Several of the girls were there and they made happy noises at Sally. Sally was in girl heaven. She was the focus of attention and from big girls, too. She was talking rapidly and smiling. I had to admit, I was happy for her. With just Dad and me, she didn't get a lot of female attention. She deserved more. I smiled at her good fortune. The girls from the Home Ec class were eager to talk to her about me and Sally always was a blabber mouth. They asked about all kinds of things as I tuned them out. I followed along keeping her in sight and smiling occasionally. Finally they asked the big question "Was I really a boy?" and my sister just said 'No' and kept on talking.

Now to be honest with you, I had prepped Sally on this issue some time before. As I took her shopping and had to occasionally go into the dressing rooms with her, she would call me Mom or Sis as the occasion demanded. She thought that today was one of those occasions. The girls just smiled at her answer. Sally grabbed my hand and pulled me along when she saw me lagging behind. What I didn't know was that the girls told her to bring me into the Lingerie department. They had seen my boobs at school and thought that I should buy some nice bras and panties. I was embarrassed again. Sally was having a lot of fun, though.

As we approached the Lingerie section, I hesitated. Mrs. Peek said "Girls, just go ahead, I want to talk to Jean for a moment. Oh and watch Sally, please." The girls took off towards the displays. Mrs. Peek looked thoughtfully for a moment and then said "Jean, I really need to talk to you. Having met your sister, I can see the affection there; actually, it's almost maternal. You have told me your story and I believe you. What you don't believe is that you are just too good to be true. Look at your classmates, natural girls, each of them, but are they? What I mean is that you may have been born a boy, but have grown into a nice and dare I say, pretty young lady. I've been watching you and Sally and you're her mother, make no mistake about that. We've got to catch up with the class, but do me a favor, let them treat you to something nice. Just be the pretty girl we all know you are. Now, come on, let's catch up." Mrs. Peek took my hand and led me into the Lingerie section. The girls showed me bras and panties and other things. I was beet red, but they just giggled and kept it up. Mrs. Peek told them my mom had never shopped with me and that's why I was embarrassed. The only thing I knew about girls clothes was helping Sally and the Sears catalog.

The girls had a quick council and Helen took charge of me. She asked a Sales Lady for help and selected some 'things' for me. As I had worn a pair of shorts, Helen selected a new style of underpants called 'French Cut’; they were cut high on the sides and showed a lot of leg. The girls agreed that I would look great in them with my shapely legs. Helen also selected a pretty white lacy bra. Sally thought it was real cute and wanted to get one. I told her she'd have to wait for a few years at least, but she could get a pretty camisole. The Sales Lady heard this and asked "Would you like matching sets?"

Sally was quick and replied "Let's do that. It'd be fun." The Sales Lady went to the find the items and the girls stared at me. I watched as Sally looked at the displays. She smiled as she held up an article for me to see. "Look, mommy, it's so pretty."

The girls let out a gasp as Sally finished her statement and turned their heads to me. Their eyes big, Helen broke the tension by asking "Umm, I thought Sally was your sister. Why'd she call you Mommy?"

I tried to explain, but no words came from my mouth. Sally saved me by saying "She raised my like a mommy so I get to call her mommy sometimes. I know she's my sister, but because I, we, don't got no more mommy, she's like my mommy." She looked up at me and smiled, then said "Looks like I forgot. Huh?"

I hugged her and said "No, Sweetie, it's ok. I miss Mommy, too, so I can be your mommy." Several of the girls hugged us both.

The Sales Lady returned with her arms full of items. She laid them out on a table and began talking about the materials used to make them and how they were supposed to support a girl's body. Sally stood, wide eyed, as the lady talked. When the lady finished, Sally looked at me and I said "Go ahead, Honey, pick out a nice set for yourself." Sally quickly began touching the clothing and soon had a pretty peach colored set in her hands. She turned to me and said "Here, hold them, I'll get yours." She turned back to the table. A few minutes later she held out a set that were a light green, with a hint of blue. The Panties were the 'French Cut' and the bra had a lot of lace around the cups. They were pretty. Seeing our selection, the Sales Lady asked if we wanted to try them on. Sally was eager to do that and we were taken to a fitting room.

Halfway to the Fitting Room, Helen steered us to a display of dresses. Her eyes were wide as she looked at the styles and colors. She picked up a bluish colored dress and held it in front of her, kind of like a napkin. She looked at the dress and spying a mirror, walked over to it and resumed holding the dress in front of her. Her right hand held the dress across her chest and she played with the skirt with her left hand. With a smile on her face, she twirled around and started to giggle. It is a lovely sound, very becoming.

Helen saw me watching and beckoned for me to come over to her. Sally pulled me over and Helen handed me the dress as she took the items from my hands. She placed the dress in front of me and smiled. "Whataya think Jean? It's pretty. Why don't you try it on, too?" She didn't wait for my reply, but pulled me to the fitting room. Sally was smiling because she has tried to get me to wear a dress for a long time and now she'll see me in one.

In the fitting room, Sally quickly took off her top and put on the new camisole. She looked in the mirror and smiled. "How do I look?" Seeing her smile, what can I say "You look pretty, Honey." Sally turned back to the mirror and swiveled herself around trying to see all of her. I just laughed. "Uh, can I put on the panties?" she asked. I nod my head yes and she quickly pulled off her pants and old panties. Holding the new one up, she stepped into them and pulled them around her waist. Using her thumbs, she traced the outline of the leg seams and turned her bottom towards the mirror as she adjusted the fit. Her smile was wide as she squealed "Oh, Mommy, I love them!" I smiled at her exuberance as she posed in front of the mirror.

The Sales Lady opened the curtain and asked "How does everything fit?"

Sally smiled and said "Great!", and then turning towards me she says "Mommy, can I wear them home?"

I just say "Yes." and fail to see the look on the Sales Lady's face. She makes a throat clearing noise and I ask if it's alright.

"Just let me pull the price tags, so I can ring them up." She reached for Sally and removed a paper tag from the camisole and taking the opened bag of panties, she left the fitting room.

"Ok, Sally, get dressed." I say this as I do the math. The camisole is $2.49 and the panties are in a three pack for $2.99, Sally only has five dollars and she needs at least two dollars more. As I do not need or want girl's underwear, this gets me off the hook of buying underwear for me. Bringing Sally has turned out to be lucky. With Sally dressed, we exit the fitting room.

As we walk towards the Sales Lady, I see another sales lady looking at me. She nods her head and smiles, and then looks away. It seems odd to me. A few minutes ago the sales ladies were being very nice, but now they act differently. I hand the Sales Lady twenty dollars to pay for Sally's undies and she hardly looks at me. I take my change and as I turn to leave she says "You're not buying any fancy lingerie for your husband to see?"

Without thinking I reply "I'm not married."

The Sales lady is quick and replies, icily "Girls like you never are." She has a smile on her face as she says this, then quickly finishes with "Please don't come back. We don't want your kind here."

Red with embarrassment, I guide Sally to the door. Sally tries to steer me in another direction, but I keep control. "Sally, didn't you hear that lady. She told us to leave, we better go home." Sally looks confused and doesn't get it, but I do. "Sally, she heard you in the fitting room calling me mommy. She thinks you're my daughter, for real. That's why she told us to leave."

Sally didn’t' get it. Instead she said "I'll just tell her you’re my brother. It'll be ok." Poor Sally. That would only make the lady madder.

"Look, Sally, you can't tell her anything. She could get me in trouble, maybe even jail. I was in a lady's changing room and maybe broke a law or something. Just, let's go home and forget it." I pointed her towards the door and home. I looked around to see if any of the class was watching and thanked God for helping me get away. I wanted Sally to have a good time, but not here and not now. I'd make it up to her. At the Bus Stop, I said "Uh, Sally, don't say anything about this to daddy. Ok?" 'Did I just say daddy?' I thought to myself.

"Why, we didn't do nothing wrong."

"I know, Honey, but those people think we did. That lady thinks I am your mommy and she probably told the other lady. They think I'm bad and..." I was thinking hard about how to finish this conversation when the bus arrived. We got on and sat down. Sally was quiet for a while and I just sat and watched her. A lady near us asked "How old is she?" pointing to Sally.

"She's seven." I replied.

"Oh, I remember when mine was that young. She sure is a cutie, looks like her Mommy." the lady smiled.

Just playing it safe I said "Thank you." There was an A&W Root Beer stand coming up and I gathered up Sally and we got off the bus. It was lunch time, so we had Root Beer Floats and a Hot Dog. After lunch we walked the rest of the way home. Dad was off today and awake when we came in the door.

"How was the shopping trip?"

"Ok." I replied, and then added "Sally got a new top and some new style underwear. She's pretty happy about them, on the way home we stopped at the A&W for lunch."

Dad smiled his million dollar smile and said "Sounds like you two had a good time. Hey, wanna go out for dinner?"

"Uh, sure, just tell me when so I can get Sally cleaned up." I replied. What he said next threw me.

"Um, no, just you and me. Sally can stay with Carol." Carol was a lady that Dad was seeing. They were old friends. They had gone to high school together and she and mom had been friends, too. "There's a Father-Daughter Dinner at the Lodge and she thought that I should take you."

"Da-a-ad, I can't go to a Father-Daughter dinner. I'm a boy. She knows that."

Dad looked at me and said "Does she really. I wonder. Every time she's here you two chat like old friends and it's always about the house or cooking or Sally. Then she sees you do the cooking and cleaning and run the house. Heck, even Mark reacted to the way you handled things. How many boys, let alone brothers act like that? Look, I'm not complaining, but Carol just doesn't see you as a boy. She's even told me how pretty you are and how much you look like your mom."

I didn't know what to say. Sure I did all that, who wouldn't? I loved my Dad and sister and someone had to take care of things and beside with my 'condition' it's not like I could get a date, even if it is 1975. Then it occurred to me, I had a way out of this mess. I said "Um, dad, you know that a Daughter would have to wear a dress. That kind of lets me out, don't you think?"

Dad smiled at my comment and replied "Yea, I can see that there'd be a problem, but Carol said that she can fix that. She said for me to call her and she'd come over and help you get ready. That is if you want to go."

Why did I feel trapped? That darn Home Ec class, the sales lady and now this. I did the only thing I could; I got up and went to my room. On the way, I said "I'll think about it." 'Just not too hard' I thought as I closed my bedroom door.

I looked at the time and saw it was still early afternoon. Dad had Sally downstairs and I had nothing to do, so I pulled off my shirt and pants and lay on my bed. I pulled the cover over me and settled in for a nice nap. I had been getting tired lately and quickly fell asleep.

It was dark when I woke up and my body felt like crap. My mouth was dry and papery. My lips felt thick and when I tried to open my eyes, they felt heavy. I could hear someone in my room and I tried sitting. My head felt heavy and I heard voices. "Doctor, she's coming around." and "Just rest for a moment, I'll get something to wipe your face." I wondered if I was dreaming.

A hand held my wrist and then replaced it. I felt something wet on my face and near my eyes. I tried to reach for the wet thing, but was blocked. "Let me do it. Just a little more then, you can open your eyes." I didn't have a choice and waited, then as I heard I could open my eyes. The light was dim and I saw a couple of shapes.

"Dad?"

"Yea, Gene, I'm here."

"Dad, what's wrong with me?"

Another voice answered "I don't know. You've been sleeping for three days and we don't know why. I took blood samples and a urine sample, I just don't know. What I do know is that you're anemic and need fluids. I didn't want to give you any fluids outside of a hospital and you need to drink now. My nurse will help you while I talk with your dad. I'll leave you in her good hands."

Someone held me up and a glass was put into my hands. "Here's a straw. Just take small sips to begin with." I sucked in the cool water. "That's a good girl. Drink some more." I did. "Honey, your little girl wants to see you if you feel up to it. Ok?" I nodded 'Yes' without realizing what she said.

I heard Sally run across the floor and climb on the bed. She threw her arms around me and said "Mommy, I was so scared for you. Don't leave me, Mommy. Please."

I just hugged her and held her close. "I won't leave you, Sweetie. I love you too much." I just lay in bed and sipped the water. Sally held me tight. I fell asleep with Sally in my arms.

When I woke up, the nurse was still there. "Feeling better?"

"Yea, some...gotta pee." I managed.

"Here," she said extending her arm, "let me help you." The covers were pulled off and I sat up. She had me wait for a few seconds, and then helped me stand. Standing, I realized that I was wearing a 'night gown'. I looked at it and said "Wha, what am I wearing?"

The nurse just said "This is what you had on when we got here; you were lying on the bed covers. After the doctor examined you, your dad and Carol helped get you comfortable."

I looked down and grimaced, adding "But, I, uh...” I didn't know what to say.

The nurse finished filled in for me. "The lady, Carol is her name, said it matched your panties. Now let's get you to the toilet, and then maybe cleaned up a little." She helped me to the bathroom and left me standing by the toilet. I pulled up the gown and I was shocked to see that I was wearing matching panties. My body said it needed to pee and I pulled the panties down and just sat. It was easier because I was unsteady on my feet. I heard the water being splashed and felt relief flood my body. I used some paper to dry myself then stood and pulled up the panties, making sure I was comfortable in the crotch. My gown fell around my body and I went to the sink to wash.

When I looked in the mirror, I let out a sharp gasp and the nurse came running in. "Are you ok?" she asked. I just stared into the mirror. Again the nurse spoke "Tell me what's wrong, so I can help you." My mind was not on the nurse, but the girl in the mirror. I tried to say something, but it came out wrong.

It came out as "Who's she?" I was pointing to my reflection.

The nurse smiled and said "I guess you've been out of it for a while. That's you, Honey. A real pretty girl, too." I stared at the reflection but didn’t see myself. No, I saw Mom staring at me. I got a little dizzy and the nurse walked me back to the bed. After helping me get comfortable, the nurse said "Honey, you got some visitors and I'll leave you for a few minutes. Here's a bell if you need anything, just ring, I'll be able to hear it." She placed the bell, like the kind used on counters, by my bed and left the room as Carol came in.

"Hi, Gene, feeling better?" Her smile was thin and her lips compressed. She looked like she was holding something back.

"Uh, yea, much better, I think." I replied.

"That's good, you had us worried. Sally was really upset. She kept calling for her Mommy. We didn't know that to do." There was still something in her voice and face that she wasn't saying.

"Um, Carol, I've known you for a long time, right?' She nodded 'Yes'. "Well then, tell me what's wrong."

She smiled thinly again and said "Am I that transparent?" This time I nodded 'Yes'. She continued "It's just that I had to change you after you had your accident in the bed and I, ah, I, this is hard to say." she stopped talking.

"Come on, out with it. What's the big deal?" Again with the thin smile, this was getting me nowhere fast.

This time Carol wouldn't look me in the face. What the heck as wrong? I guess there's only one way to find out. I pushed off the covers and pulled up my gown. I tossed it to the floor as Carol watched. I scooted sideways in bed and with my feet on the floor, I stood, unsteady, but I stood. I hooked my thumbs into the elastic waist of my underpants and shoved them down. I stepped out of them and looked into the wall mirror on the back of the door. I almost fell and Carol came to me, giving me support. I looked in the mirror again and gasped at what I saw. My penis was almost non-existent. I reached down and touched it. It felt different, barely there. I stroked it to see if it would get bigger, but even with Carol at my side, nothing. I should tell you that Carol is a knock-out at 5 feet 7 inches tall, 132 pounds and a 36 B+ bust, long reddish brown hair and brown eyes. Even with her helping to hold me, nothing. Not even a twitch. Something was wrong. The tears started to fill my eyes and I turned and held on to Carol as I started to openly sob. Carol guided me back to the bed and sat me on the edge. She helped me with my underpants, which I saw weren't my usual boy type, but girls panties. Carol helped me stand as I pulled them up and my 'equipment' didn't even make a dent in the front of them. I sat back on the bed and Carol handed me the night gown. I took it and put it on. She helped me get back in a comfortable position and sat beside me. I felt her arm across my shoulders as I cried.

"Carol, what's wrong with me?" I cried.

"I don't know, Honey. The doctor did some test and he's stumped. I noticed your thing was kind of small when I changed you, but even now it looks smaller. I'm sorry." There were tears in her eyes. "Come on; let's get you situated before Sally comes back in." She helped me to a sitting position. The little movement that I did seemed to make me weak. She got me covered and asked if I wanted some make-up on. I didn't know, so she showed me a mirror. I guess I needed some. Wait a minute, make-up. I didn't use make-up.

"Uh, Carol, I don't use make-up."

Carol looked at me and said "Honestly Rose, you'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to your body. You've been wearing make-up since you were 15 years old." That said she flashed me a big smile.

"Uh, Carol, I'm not Rose. I'm Gene, her son. Remember?" This was the first time someone had called me Rose, my mother's nickname.

Carol stared at me, and then her eyes blinked. She was looking at my face real hard, and then I heard her gasp. "Oh my God, Gene, I thought I was seeing Rose for a second there. Oh, I'm so sorry." She grasped my hand and continued talking. "It's just that you look like Rose. It's uncanny." I've seen pictures of my mother and I don't look like her. I take after Dad. Of course no one on his side of the family had 'boy boobs' but I looked like him in the face, at least I thought. I was thinking about this when someone knocked on the door. Carol opened the door and Sally came in followed by the nurse.

"Mommy, you feeling better?" the question was written all over her face.

"Yes, Honey, I'm doing much better."

She had climbed on to the bed and was looking at my face, then said "Your face is shiny."

I smiled and replied "Maybe I need a little blusher and some powder." Where did that come from? I wondered.

I was tired and a little hungry. I knew I didn't do much, but it wore me out. "Sally, dear, can you and daddy get me some chicken noodle soup. You'll have to ask the doctor if it's ok, if he's still here. While you're doing that I can get Carol to help me look better. Ok?" Sally nodded 'Yes' and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. She climbed down and went out the door. I smiled as I watched her go. I could hear her call "Daddy, Mommy wants to eat."

After I heard Sally's feet on the stairs, I asked Carol "Uh, can you help me look nicer for daddy?" She smiled and said "Yes, I'd be glad to. Give me a moment and I'll be right back." That said she left the room and I waited. The Nurse took the time to check my pulse and other things. She asked me how I felt and I told her. She wrote all this down on a clip-board and then resumed her seat.

I lay back and began to wonder what was happening to me. Carol called me 'Rose' and seemed confused about who I really was. Dad seemed normal to me and Sally was or was she confused too. Thinking back Sally had been calling me 'Mommy' an awful lot and not just when we were out of the house. The Nurse seems to think that Sally is my daughter and doesn't even question it. Then there was the reflection in the mirror. If I was asked I'd have to say it was Mom when she was younger, except like I said, I know I look like dad. Maybe I'm thinking too hard.

Carol came back carrying an assortment of what, small bottles and containers. She set them on my dresser and began fussing with them. She looked at me and bringing a bottle, she wet a small piece of something and stroked it on my face. She moved back and nodded, then "Yes, that will be a good color." She continued painting my face and using stuff from the assorted containers, brushed this way and that on my face. At last she put down her brushes and picked up a hand mirror. She waved the mirror in front of me and I let out a gasp. I saw my mother looking back at me.

The nurse was smiling and said "You are a very pretty lady."

"Yes, yes she is!" added Carol. "As beautiful as...” Her words were cut off by Daddy's entrance. Daddy?

"Here you go...” there was a shocked look on Daddy's face as he looked at me. “Uh, Rose?" His eyes swiveled back to Carol and the next thing we heard was a loud crash as he fell to the floor.

Carol rushed to him and tried to get him up. The nurse handed her something and she waved it under his nose. That soon had him pushing her hand away. Carol and the nurse helped him to his feet and sat him in a chair. "Wha...wha...what happened?" he asked groggily.

"You came in, looked at Gene, said 'Rose' and fainted." This from Carol. "Better now?"

Dad shook his head and then looked up at me. "Sorry, it's just that, uhhh..." His voice trailed off. He was looking at me with a strange expression on his face.

"Da, daddy, are you ok?" I asked.

"Huh, what, oh, yea, I'm fine, Honey." He said as he got up. "How's my girl doing? Okay?" He smiled.

"Uh, Dad, I'm Gene, remember."

Again he was spaced-out and replied "Huh, what?"

"I'm Gene, remember, your son." I saw the nurse recoil from the corner of my eye.

Dad looked lost again and said distractedly "Uh, let me get another bowl of soup. Sally, you keep Mommy company." He left the room with head lowered. I could hear him muttering, but not make out the words. Sally came over and climbed on the bed and hugged me.

All this time the nurse was looking around the room at me, then Carol, then Sally and back to me. Finally, she cleared her throat and said "Did I hear you right, you're his son?" Her face looked skeptical.

"Uh, yea, Gene, son." I smiled weakly.

"I don't think so. And I should know a girl when I see one." She said then smiled. Now it was my time to give a questioning look.

She opened her mouth and added, "I had to clean you up too and you're all girl." She pointed with her chin to my privates and said, "Go ahead, look."

Carol and Sally were watching. I eased Sally to the end of the bed and hesitated, then forced the cover down. I looked up and they smiled in encouragement. I pulled the bottom of my nightgown up and put a hand on my panties then I remembered what I had seen when I had to pee earlier and then again standing next to Carol. I couldn't move lower. I was scared and pulled my hands away from my panties. I hastily pulled down my gown and motioned for Sally to give me the cover. I lay there sobbing. What was happening to me? Carol sat beside me and I leaned into her for support.

The nurse had gone down stairs and called the doctor. He came upstairs with dad in tow. Both men stood at the bedroom door and surveyed the scene. “Ok, what’s the crying for young lady?” asked the doctor.

I tried to hold back a sob, but had to let it pass, then said “Me. I’m a freak!”

The doctor smiled and replied, “No. You are definitely not a freak. Your body is changing, but that doesn’t make you a freak.”

“Huh? Wha…” my voice trailed off.

The doctor smiled again and sat at the bedside. “I need a specialist to help with this, but I think that the shock you received from your mother’s death somehow triggered something in your body. Add caring for your father, your brother and a baby sister and presto chango. Kind of like a magician does his tricks, your body did a trick. The strain on your body also and here I’m guessing, caused all the changes. You need to relax and let your body to accept the changes. Now, I need to consult a specialist and arrange an appointment. Just rest easy and don’t over exert yourself. You can get out of bed and move around a bit, but be careful.” His smiled filled his face as he finished explaining. Turning he looked at Carol and asked “Carol, will you be available to help Gene?” Carol nodded ‘Yes’. I guess I looked confused. Carol came over and held my hand. Dad just smiled and then shrugged his shoulders. I didn’t know what to do and just pulled Carol to me. I knew I was different, now I knew why. Maybe?

I felt better that evening and dad helped me downstairs. I ate a little more and after a check by the nurse, we were left on our own. The next day I missed school and puttered around the house. Looking in a mirror took some getting used to. I knew at some point I’d have to go back to school and dreaded that day. By my count it was Wednesday evening and I should return to school tomorrow, Thursday.

Thank the lord for Carol. I think dad thanked him too. She brought her daughter Jenny over Wednesday evening and they spent the night. Jenny is a cutie. Sally and her immediately liked each other and spent the night together. Jenny is a year younger, but they make a pair, kind of spooky. Carol slept in the guest room and in the morning, she helped me get ready for school. I still wore pants, but she insisted that I wear the right kind of upper wear, meaning a bra. She also insisted on a little make-up.

The amazing thing was that school that day was a no-brainer. I turned in my doctor’s note and went to class as usual. No one took notice of me at all. I heard a few comments, but they were mostly positive. The girls in Home Ec were wild when I returned. Seeing me in a real bra and a decent top and make-up, only re-enforced their opinion, the one about me being a tom-boy. Mrs. Peek asked to speak with me after class and I was pleased with her acceptance. She had called and spoken to dad and Carol.

My life was restarting from the looks of it. Mark was to come home on leave and he was a little shocked to see a younger mom in the house. Imagine his amazement when he was told it was me! Of course, he had seen early evidence of my changing body, at least the top part. After talking to him, he gave me a hug and said “Heck, why not? You’ve mothered us all for years, seems right that you’d look like her.” I figured the Army was doing him some good.

But I had turned 16 and wanted it all. Dating, driving, everything. Problem was that I couldn’t have it all. Not even a part of it. I didn’t want to date boys and no girl would admit to liking other girls. Yea, it was the mid 70s, but people looked down on that kind of stuff. As far as driving, my birth certificate had me down as a boy, yet I looked like a girl. There was nothing to do about it.

Carol became a constant companion and we spent a lot of time together. Jenny was often at our house and one day Sally said “Come on, sis, let’s go to my room and play.” I started to reply, but was cut off when Jenny shouted “Last one there is a rotten egg.” She took off running with Sally close behind. I heard Carol laughing.
“What’s so funny?”

Carol put her hand up to her mouth and said “Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

Carol took me aside and told me how well Sally and Jenny got along and how they called each other ‘sister’. I guess I hadn’t seen it and I thought Sally had been talking to me. I was glad to see her happy and playing with someone her own age. That put a thought in my head. ‘Hmm, what about Carol and Dad?’

Now the next part was harder. How does a 16 year old play matchmaker for his dad and an old high school sweetheart? I didn’t have any idea. The answer came in the form of Madeline’s Beauty Depot. Carol decided that I needed to do something with my hair and she made us appointments. We went to this salon and it turned out that she knew the owner, Madeline. I was given a facial, a manicure and a perm and haircut. Madeline took personal care of me and could she ever talk. She said working in a salon was like being a priest. People told you all kinds of secrets. I told her I was a boy and did she ever laugh.

Madeline had known Carol for a long time. She had gone to high school with her. Mom and dad had been in the same class. When I told her that Rosemarie was my mother, she almost cried. Then I told her about the accident and she did cry. She asked how we were doing and I mentioned dad working a lot and me left with the house work and raising Sally. I said that Carol was a big help. That’s when she said that Dad and Carol had a thing in high school. I perked up. I wanted to hear more and she didn’t disappoint me.

Madeline was a talker. She knew all the juicy gossip and she also knew the dirt. She told about Mom and carol during school and after school. Of course, she did edit some of the stories. Get her started and Madeline was a willing talker. I decided that I needed her advice and told her my thoughts.

“Uh, Maddie, can you help me?”

“Help with what?”

I outlined my idea for Dad and Carol. I told her what I had seen and how Dad acted when Carol was around. I talked about Sally and Jenny. I tried to tell her everything. After I finished she asked “Ok, what about you?”

I didn’t understand what she meant. She explained that if Carol was to be a bigger part of our life as a family member, how would I feel? I had thought about this and said “It just seems… It’s hard to explain, but somehow it just feels right.” I know that didn’t say it right, but Madeline just looked at me and nodded her head. I remembered an old line from a Sherlock Holmes movie, ‘The games afoot.’ It seemed appropriate.

Maddie and I became conspirators. She set dad up on a series of dreadful dates and made sure Carol knew all about them. It was funny to watch them together. Maddie even went so far as to tell Carol that if she didn’t want Fred to just walk away. She said that Carol’s companionship was hurting dad and keeping him from finding someone else. Whatever went on between Maddie and Carol worked.

Carol came over to the house one day and said “Uh, Gene, I know that…” She stopped when dad walked in the room.

“Oh, hi Carol.” Dad smiled.

“Uh, hi Fred.”

“So what are you two planning now?”

“Uh, nothing really. I just came by to tell Gene something.” Carol looked nervous.

Dad raised his eyebrows and said “Oh, should I leave the room so you can talk privately?”

Carol smiled thinly and said “No, that’s not necessary. In fact it concerns you, too.” Dad had a strange look on his face and waited for her to continue. “Uh, that is, I don’t think that I should be spending a lot of time here anymore. You seem to have things well in hand and don’t need me to butt in.” She looked at dad and added “And since you’re dating again, well it’s for the best.” She stood and headed for the door.

Dad got it! He set down his drink and rushed after Carol. I followed at a slower pace. They were on the walk-way hugging each other. Both had great big smiles on their faces as they walked back into the house.

I hurried into the kitchen and tried to be surprised when dad spoke. “Uh, Gene, there’s something we’d like you to know.” His face said it all. Carol was smiling from ear to ear and had a glow.

I walked across the room and gave them a huge hug. “So, when’s the wedding?”

Dad looked like he’d been hit, but Carol smiled more, if possible and said “You knew all along, didn’t you?”

We told Sally and Jenny that night and a few days later Mark was told. Dad seemed better somehow. It was like a load had been lifted from him and I saw a new side of him, a side that had been lost, but now was found.

The wedding was set for the end of February 1976 to coincide with Mark’s leave. He was the best man and I was the Maid of Honor. Sally and Jenny were flower girl and ring bearer. The ceremony as small and a few close friends and family were invited. Maddie was there and caught the bouquet.

That was the beginning of the end of my story. A few weeks later I woke up in pain. My chest hurt and I was wet with sweat. Carol called the doctor and took me in to see him. He did the usual poking and stuff and finally said “Gene, it seems that your Gynecomastia is going away. Your breast tissue is different from your last exam and your waist seems to be a little bigger. We’ll just watch for any other changes and see what happens.”

My body was changing again. This time I was going back to my original boy form. The change was gradual and took about 4 months to complete. Looking in the mirror, I no longer saw mom staring back at me. By the time summer rolled around, I was all boy and guess what, my penis even got stiff.

I finished high school. I got a few strange looks at the beginning of the year, but I had shot up over the summer, both in height and weight. The girls just accepted me and I even dated a few times. After graduation I went on to college. I wanted to be a doctor and studied hard. I finished my residency two years ago and now treat people suffering from rare genetic disorders. Thinking about my time as a girl in high school, I smile. That time has made me the man I am today.

Oh, Carol and Dad are going on a cruise for their 14th year Anniversary, they just don’t know it yet.