I watched the expressions dance over her face, realising how much the ‘O’ and ‘W’ words meant to her, poor girl.

“I’m in Salfords, as Jules probably told you, so train will work well if you’re in Horley. There’s a bus stop as well. Where are you based?”

“Top end of Lumley Road”

“Ah. Several buses go past there”

He reeled off some suggestions, all of which I was aware of, although my own choice was usually the number twenty. I was a little puzzled by his knowledge, as he was a driver, like most estate bloody agents, but I assumed it was all part of the toolkit for potential sales.

“Where to, then?”

“Mill House? Not exactly a beer swiller’s place, on a Friday evening. And we can eat there as well”

He was looking at his watch, so I took that as an excuse to agree to a meeting at seven thirty, and then the two of them were away for their respective duties. I was working through a selection of possible answers to possible questions, wondering where exactly he was going, when there was a cough behind me, which had come from our cycling copper.

“They courting then, Gem?”

“Short answer? Trying to, I think. I am not sure if Brian really knows exactly where his head is on that score”

She nodded a few times, rather emphatically.

“How well I know that particular game, aye? How long has he known her?”

“About eighteen years at least. We were all at school together”

This time, it was a slow shake of her head.

“No, Gemma. How long has he known Juliet, rather than, you know?”

“Ah. Just a few weeks, I believe”

“Take a walk?”

Her serious head was clearly in place, so I called over to Tom Newton.

“Izzy? Going for a natter with Annie here. Can you sort out the rest of our Mysterons while I’m gone?”

He replied in a deep, deep voice, “I am not Captain Black… yeah, okay”

We didn’t end up at the bike sheds, but by the cricket nets, where Annie turned her serious knob to eleven.

“Does he live in my manor or in Surrey?”

“Surrey. Salfords”

“Damn. How much does he know about her? Any history between them?”

“Oh, not sure if they had met in junior school, but I don’t think so. They were both in the year below mine, which is why I guessed eighteen or nineteen years. Jules had a lot of problems with bullies, and her father was one of those idiots who think that all you have to do is smack a bully and they’ll stop”

“It can work, if it’s done the right way”

I stared at her, channelling that Peruvian bear, until she wilted.

“Yeah, okay. What happened?”

“She did smack one of them, proper punch from what I heard. So he called his mates over and they beat nine colours of shit out of her. I lost touch for a few years a bit later, as I was off to Uni, but that was the pattern of her life”

“And this Brian? Where was he, back then?”

I shook my head.

“Not that sure, Annie. He was never a bully, not like that. Jules spoke about him, but, well, she’s got the adoration goggles on right now. She sort of suggested she’s always had them in place, far as he’s concerned. He was…”

I looked off across the playing fields for some certainty, but it hadn’t answered the register.

“He was a popular lad with the girls, Annie”

“He’s very attractive, aye?”

“Bit young for you, and you’re married”

“Not what I meant. Was he a shagger?”

“No, not really. He went out with a couple of girls, and that was it. Several others claimed they’d been with him, though. One of them claimed they were doing the dirty together, really graphic descriptions. You had one of her brats in today’s session”

“How many has she got?”

“Five cooked, one in the oven. Three at this school. She left at sixteen, first one already showing. Anyway, that’s Brian. The fecund Earthmother, though: he had a really amazing black eye once, did Brian, and she was shouting about how he had been ‘standing up for the fairy’, as she put it”

“Meaning Juliet?”

“Indeed. She’s involved herself again, though. Clocked Jules walking Brian’s dog, put two and two together and, for the first time in her life, got four. Asked Brian if he was gay, seeing that fairy, and so on. Outed Jules”

“Arsebollocks. And? How did he take it?”

“Well, you saw them just now? Not exactly social distancing”

“I saw. Brought back some memories, that did. And now?”

“Ah, yet again. Three of us are off for a bite and a drink tonight. He wants to meet her friends, introduce her to his own, but I think he is wobbling a bit. I am dreading second thoughts. Happens to a lot of trans women, whether or not they’re straight”

“I get you. My Eric, bless him, he took a while to get his head straight, but he’s never turned away since he did. Anyway, got your phone? I’ll give you my mobile number, just in case. I’m off this weekend”

“You not out tonight, if you’re working?”

“Nope. Dinner party on Saturday though. Caroline’s bloke is back from his latest work trip, so we’re having a proper gathering at the Woodruffs’. Which will involve both ale and wine. Tonight’s our healthy eating and sobriety one. And no, my number’s for advice, not calling out the cops. Wrong county”

I started to lead the way back to the main building, and she put a hand to my arm.

“Personal question, I suppose, but when did you realise Jules was on our bus rather than being, well, a fairy?”

“You’ll laugh… we were both on the same ward at the Nuffield, after each seeing Mister Thomas. With me being off at Uni, then teacher training, and her working all hours to pay the rent, we hadn’t met up in years. We celebrate our fannyversaries together each year now”

I looked for her reaction, and she blushed, murmuring “Thailand”.

A shake of her head and a smile, overtaken by an even deeper blush, which left me asking myself rhetorically which particular thought had triggered the red. My envy bit hard right then. Three bloody happily married trans women, and Juliet.

And then me.

I saw her off with the rest of her cohort, and then headed to the lab for some lessons on why playing with sodium is a Bad idea.

I spent a while in a hot bath when I got home, before the usual session of standing at the wardrobe in my bra and knickers wondering exactly what to wear before settling on a dark blue shift dress and flat sandals. Cardy for later, and a small rucksack of overnight necessities, and I was ready for the bus. I don’t use much makeup, so it was a simple matter of toothbrush, deodorant, nighty and spare knickers along with some ear plugs. I really didn’t want to risk hearing the two of them, if, well. Especially after my earlier thoughts.

The bus was, of course, fifteen minutes late, but I was eventually being trundled north, as far as the little dip which marked the old ford over the Sal, where I stepped off and crossed the road to the pub. Jules was already there, in a dress I hadn’t seen before, and bloody heels, rather than her usual jeans and T-shirt. Trying hard, obviously, but I kept my counsel, simply getting us a couple of drinks while we waited.

“Nice dress, Jules. Not seen it before: when did you get it?”

A blush to rival those of Annie.

“This afternoon. And the shoes”

At eight o’clock, I was preparing to call it a night, new dress or not, and get her home, but then Brian arrived, looking flustered.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry, ladies. Bloody awkward customer. Couldn’t get them to sod off. All Colombo on me”

Juliet looked puzzled, so I did the squint and ‘just-one-more-question’ bit, and she still didn’t get it. My talents are wasted on some folk. Brian disappeared for another couple of minutes to refresh our drinks and get his own, before settling down next to Juliet, after which he simply said, “Nice dress”, and kissed her very, very sweetly.

I felt my heart lurch.

They smiled at each other, and before they could dissolve I passed them a menu.

Conversation essentially stopped during the meal itself, or at least serious topics were put on hold, as Brian recounted some of the more soul-deadening parts of that evening’s job. I waited until Juliet had gone to visit the ladies’ before asking the most important of my questions.

“Why are we here, Brian? Really?”

He looked across at Jules’ rear as she tried to strut her heels, or at least not fall off them.

“Straight to the point?”

“While my best friend’s away, yes”

He slumped.

“You’ll have heard what Hannah had to say to me”

“Jules told me, yes”

“I didn’t tell her everything she said”

“Oh. And?”

He took a very long and slow breath.

“What has Jules told you about my ex?”

“Almost nothing”

“Well, hold that thought, and I’ll explain when Jules is back. It’ll make sense of this next bit. Hannah said I obviously couldn’t keep hold of a real woman, so I was going after a plastic one cause I think they’ll be desperate and thus an easy target”

Oh shit.

“She said other stuff as well, about dropping Juliet as soon as I met someone else, and so on”

“And your answer was?”

“I asked her if she was an example of one of these ‘real women’ and reminded her I’d given her an answer when we were at school”

“Which was?”

“Something about barge poles and last girl on Earth”

“She got to you, though”

“She did. Asking myself if she was right and… Here she comes. Please help me avoid stuffing this up, Gemma. Please”

“My friend comes first, Brian, but I’ll try”

“Thanks. Hi, Jules: just about to talk about Suky”

“Cow. Sorry, Gemma”

“No worries, love. Go ahead, Bri”

“Jules said she’s given you some of the details, so here’s the short bit. We were living together. Things got bad. She kicked me out of the house2

I asked, “Whose house?”

“Mine. I had to do some rewiring”

Jules set her hand on his, and they laced fingers.

“Suky had him living in the garden shed. That’s what he rewired”

“I see. How long for?”

He turned his hand over so he could hold hers properly.

“Two months, Gemma, before she emptied our saving account and cleared off. There’s more, but much of a muchness. Going over it would add nothing important, but it would really ruin the evening. Back to what I was asking about, and, well… Jules?”

“Yes?”

“Social life has been hold for me since---”

“Cow”

“Yes, exactly. I want to change that, like I said. A chance to…”

I suddenly realised how nervous he was, and decided to break in before he broke up.

“No, Brian. Not a chance to do it right and make up for last time, okay? Both of you leave your freight in the goods yard, to absolutely strain a metaphor. Doesn’t matter what you brought to the last party, just what you bring to this one, so draw a line, move on, et cetera. What friends are you looking to bring to this burnt meat and undercooked chicken extravaganza?”

“Um, some lads from Uni, and a couple of colleagues. Who do you have?”

I knew exactly what Juliet was about to do, poor lonesome me, et fucking cetera again, so I kept my smile bright.

“Funnily enough, many of them were at the event today. The police woman, girl from the duty free, Mr and Mrs Vicar, a few more. Will they do?”

Juliet had the sense to keep her gob shut, at least until we were finally back at Brian’s and he was in the bathroom disposing of his used beer.

“Gemma, those people are not my friends!”

“They will be. And don’t argue: Annie is already on your case. I get the impression she has seen a lot of crap, so it’s gift horses for now”

She was still muttering.

“I don’t have friends”

“Yes you do. You just don’t know them that well, or at all. Anyway, what am I?”

“Well, you, yes”

“Then just bloody trust me. That’s him on the stairs”

I did need my ear plugs that night.