The Good Son: 1

 

Sometimes you're living a lie and you don't know it.
As Jack tells his story, you'll see what I mean.

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Author's Note: I love to read comments, pro and con, but I'd also just love for you to check in and let me know that you're doing ok. ~Clara.
 
This version of The Good Son: 1 has been updated with many corrections towards spelling and grammar.~Sephrena.
 
Image Credit: Image created through the use of ai at https://perchance.org/beautiful-people .~Sephrena.

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Chapter 1
 

I think this is really a story about my family. How we learned what we really are as a group and how we learned who we really are individually. Sooooo.... I guess the best place to start would be back about seven or eight months ago....
 

 

"Wicked lanky." That's what my Aunt Mary called my general build as she took my measurements and then slapped my reared harder than was necessary.

"Ouch!" I let out involuntarily.

"Well, for crying out loud, Jackie, if you had any meat on you at all, you wouldn't have felt that."

That was pretty much the level of sympathy you could expect in our household. Don't get me wrong, everyone mostly loved each other, we just show it differently than most families. My mom and her two sisters grew up in Boston's Southie neighborhood and, even though they had made the great migration west to central Massachusetts when my cousins and my twin sister or I were babies, they had kept that harsh attitude. They could be really funny, but their displays of affection typically involved playful insults and slaps like the one I'd just received.

The truth was, though, I really was 'wicked lanky.' Five foot six and a hundred and eleven pounds. My twin sister, who was nearly an inch taller than me and outweighed me by twelve pounds, came to my defense. "Leave him alone, auntie. If I had his figure I could have gotten a ballet scholarship."

Julia, my twin, and my only sibling, was a very gifted dancer and violinist. She had always thought that when the time came for college, she'd have a ballet scholarship in the bag, but then the boob fairy showed up and interfered with that plan. In fact, the boob fairy was a little late showing up for Julia. She was a ballet star as age sixteen approached and as age seventeen approached, she was bouncing way too much to be the focus of a dance. It broke her heart, but she shifted that passion she'd had for ballet to jazz dance and violin.

"You always had a meat on your bottom, Jules," my aunt laughed. "I think I may have broken a finger on his bony butt." She crackled as she walked away.

I shook my head as I joined my sister at the kitchen table to do home work. "Did you do the paper for Olsen's Bio class, yet?" I asked.

"Yeah," Julia answered without looking up. "It's in my Google Drive. Can you proof it when you get a chance?"

I nodded. "Sure, if you'll proof mine."

"Yep," she agreed, again with no eye contact.

Julia and I were both pretty driven students. To our mother, an 'A' was the only acceptable grade you could receive. Although we hadn't officially declared our majors yet, Julia planned on a major in Secondary Education/History and I planned on Secondary
Education/English.

We both kept typing away on our laptops without saying much for a good long while. Occasionally, a question would be asked. For instance Julia asked - "What's a good word to use instead of 'took over?'" "'Usurped,'" I'd answer without much interaction. I'd ask something similar and on we'd go.

This was a pretty typical Sunday afternoon at our house.

"Oh look, it's 'The Nerdiest College Freshmen Twins,'" my oldest cousin, Ronny, said as he burst into the kitchen in the mid afternoon. "Hey, Jack, your roses are drooping out there."

Ronny had grown up here, but had moved out nearly five years ago. At least he claimed to have moved out, but he still had a room here and showed up often enough to eat our food or drop off his laundry or borrow money from his mother, our Aunt Ann.

"You'd better get your floppy straw hat on and get out there before the poor thing perishes," he continued.

See, Ronny was an asshole, plain and simple. Always had been, always would be. He had barely finished high school and now worked for a friend's landscaping company. From what I could tell, he mostly drove the truck and acted superior to everyone, then drank himself into oblivion every night. The one thing that Ronny really hated more than anything else in the world though, was anyone who was smarter than he was, so - Ronny hated pretty much everyone.

"Your mom's at work Ronny," Julia said without emotion, "and we're busy. What do you want?"

He sat down next to me and put his arm around me. I could smell the beer and knew he'd been prepping for the late afternoon baseball playoff games that were starting at four. I glanced at Julia and sighed.

"Do I need a reason to stop by and see my favorite cousins?" He shook my shoulders, causing me to stop typing. "I mean, Jackie and me, we're like brothers, right, Jackie? I taught you how to ride a bike and how to throw a baseball and..."

"I only have about forty bucks, Ronny," I said, knowing that that was his ultimate goal, since his mother was not at home, "and Julia doesn't get paid until next week, so she's broke."

'Hey, thanks, Jackie. Forty would be great. I'll pay you back on Thursday." He shook me again as I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket and pulled two twenty dollar bills out, displaying its empty contents to Ronny so he could see that I'd given him all I had. He rubbed my head, messing up my all ready unkept, too long, brown hair and stood up. "You're ok, Jackie. Thanks, kid. Oh, and, hey, umm... don't ummm..."

"I won't mention it to Aunt Ann," I said with a wave of my hand. "Go and have a good time, Ronny. I have to finish this, ok?"

"Yeah, thanks, again, kid," he beamed. Then he turned to Julia. "Got a kiss for cousin Ronny?" He asked, his arms spread wide.

"No," was Julia's dispassionate reply, her eyes remaining on her computer screen, her fingers resolutely typing away.

"Ok." Ronny shrugged and walked out the door.

It was quiet for a minute until Julia said. "You shouldn't have given him any money."

"He wasn't going to leave until he got some, and this kept him from looking in unguarded pocketbooks."

She continued typing "You're nineteen years old. He'll be thirty in a couple of months. He's an irresponsible pain in the ass. Don't give him any more money."

"Again - he wasn't going to leave without something. At least I kept him from stealing it. I can get more from an ATM later if I need it."

"Chelsea and Avery and I have all washed our hands of him, Jack. You need to as well."

Chelsea and Avery are also our cousins, our Aunt Mary's daughters. They also live here. It's a crowded little house.

"It's easier for you. He's the only other guy in the family."

"So what? He didn't teach you to ride a bike! Avery did." She kept typing. "He didn't teach you to throw a baseball! Avery did. She's the only one who ever had any athletic ability in this house."

"He's family."

"He's an asshole."

"He's still family."

"He's still an asshole."

"And he's still family."

"And he's still a fucking asshole - OH GODDAMNIT, JACKIE!"

"What did I do?" I asked. She seemed really ticked.

"Arrrrr... I'm typing up this report on Trotsky and I just typed, 'On January 9, 1937, Trotsky arrived in Mexico and he's still a fucking asshole.' I don't think Professor Grant is going to accept that."

"Maybe if you were to qualify the statement and wrote, "and had he not assassinated in 1940, he'd still be a fucking asshole,' she'd accept it." I joked.

She just shook her head. "My point is - Ronny doesn't deserve your help, he doesn't appreciate your help and he just abuses your help, so don't give him your help. Ok?"

I shrugged. "I feel bad for him." I thought for a second. "And did you notice that he looked a little different. I'm worried about him."

She nodded. "I feel bad for him too, but I feel like giving him money to get drunk isn't going to help him. Something is wrong with him, Jack, and he needs to get some help. We can't do it for him."

"Can't help who?" My cousin Avery asked as she entered the kitchen with her older sister, Chelsea.

"Let me guess - Ronald," Chelsea said, shaking her head. "You guys didn't give him money, did you?"

"I gave him forty bucks, but come on... The Red Sox are in the playoffs. He was going to go to Monaghan's with his friends no matter what. We all know that. I just kept him out of Aunt Ann's dresser where she keeps her extra money."

"Probably kept him out of our dressers, too," Avery said.

The two of them sat down. "When is he finally moving all of his junk out of this house?" Chelsea asked.

"Probably never," Julia chuckled. "There was a time that I thought that Jack and I would stop sharing a room before we were in college. But... tada. Here we are in college, we can't afford to even live on campus and we're still sharing the same bedroom. Ahhh... the memories we'll share with our kids of our wild teen years!"

Chelsea laughed. "We're no better. I'm a senior and Avery's a junior and we're still living at home."

"Of course, if Jack moved out the gardens would all die," Avery said nudging me.

I stopped typing looked up. "That's the second attack on my gardens in a half hour. What's the big deal?"

So, let me explain. We've lived in this house a long time. Since I can remember, actually. There were these big old rose bushes in the side yard that were just big prick bushes as far as we were concerned until I was watching a TV show a few years ago and I realized that they were these heritage rose bushes. I did some research and found out how to cut them back correctly, feed them and prune them until they were healthy and productive again. Now, they're beautiful and I'm proud of them, but the reason I was getting teased about them is because a couple of months ago I was working on them and a lady was walking by and stopped to talk to me. She was a member of this local rose society - I had no idea such a thing even existed. So, I was out there in this big old shirt button down shirt to keep the pricks away and a floppy straw hat, both of which I bought at a yard sale, and the lady took pictures of the roses and me and wrote up my story and a few weeks later I found out I won a prize for saving the heritage rose bush and I got a check for a hundred dollars and my picture and a little story in the local paper.

There was a catch to the story, though.

The story said my name was 'Jakkie' and used female pronouns throughout.

I didn't care. I laughed as hard as everyone else.

My family had a field day with that, of course. Their Southie sarcasm kicked into high gear and the teasing was nonstop for weeks, but as scathing as their attacks were, it was all good natured - excepted for Ronny's attacks. Ronny was just plain mean about it and he continued to be mean about it. It was hurtful, but... that was Ronny.

"I'm just teasing," Avery laughed.

"Ok, serious topic," Chelsea said, causing Julia to actually stop typing, "are you guys going to the costume party at the student center next weekend?"

"Yeah, of course," I said.

"It's our first college party," Julia pointed out.

"Great!" Chelsea smiled. "This isn't some high school shindig, though. You've got good costumes, right?"

"I have a great Wonder Woman costume on order," Julia smiled. She called up her order on her computer and showed it to our cousins.

"Oh, that's great," Avery bubbled. "You'll look sexy as hell in that!"

"How about you, Jack?" Chelsea asked.

I just smiled and said, "Same thing I do every year."

"No," Chelsea laughed. "You're not really going to wear Julia's costume from last year, are you?"

"It's a tradition," I smiled.

"Your mom just checked his waistline in my old costume and she's taking it in so it fits better," Julia smiled.

Avery was thinking. "Last year... let's see... you were..."

"Oh, my God!" Chelsea shouted. "You were The Black Swan last year!"

Julia smiled and nodded.

"So, you're wearing the whole elaborate tutu with the feathers and everything?" Avery was laughing out loud. I nodded. I truth was, for the last six years or so, I'd always worn Julia's costume from the previous year. It served a couple of purposes. I didn't have to shop for a costume - which I hated doing, and Julia would always spend way too much for her costumes, so this would help to justify that expense since the costumes got used for two years instead of one.

Another reason, and one I wasn't really willing to discuss, was that I truly enjoyed getting dressed up in the fancy dresses she bought. When I saw the Black Swan dress from last year, my heart leapt at the prospect of wearing it in just twelve months' time. Now, that time had come.

"Oh, you're going to attract a lot of attention in that costume!" Chelsea laughed and clapped her hands. "You'll be the talk of the campus the morning after the party!"

"That is my goal," I laughed.

I glanced at the clock and saw that it was getting late. On Sundays, my mother and Aunt Ann worked. Aunt Mary didn't cook - well, sometimes she did, but we didn't want her to. So, on Sundays we always did take out and one of us 'kids' always sprang for dinner.

"Hey, it's nearly four thirty," I pointed out. "Who's in charge of dinner tonight?"

"You are," my sister and cousins all said in unison.

"Are you sure," I asked, a bit incredulous. "I think I paid two weeks ago."

"That was four weeks ago," Julia pointed out. "Last week Avery got Thai, two weeks ago Chelsea got Korean barbecue, three weeks ago I got Pho and a month ago you got pizza."

"Ok," I surrendered and stood. "I'll go to The Jade and get a couple of pu pu platters, ok?"

Everyone nodded.

I called in the order and went out to the garage and got my bike. We had a car that we share between the four of us, but gas prices being what they were, we used our bikes as much as possible and The Jade was only about eight blocks away.

When I got to The Jade, the place was mobbed with Red Sox fans getting dinner for their home parties. When I got to the counter, my order was ready. I paid with my debit card and I was nearly out the door when a guy I recognized, but didn't really know stopped me.

"Hey, umm, you're Ronny's brother, right?" The guy said.

"Cousin," I corrected him. "We lived together, though. Sorry, I can't remember your name."

"Oh, yeah, I'm Bill. Ronny worked for my landscaping company."

I shook his hand.

"Worked?" I asked. "Did Ronny get fired?"

Bill shook his head. "No. He just stopped coming to work about ten days ago. He's not answering my calls and I have no idea if he's even alive or dead."

That really surprised me. I thought that Ronny liked his job, but even if he didn't, Bill was pretty much his oldest friend.

"Well, I can assure you he's alive," I said. "I loaned him forty dollars about three hours ago."

"No kidding?" He seemed to think for a minute. "Look... Jack, right? If you see him again, tell him to give me a call. I'm concerned. Not just about his job, you know? He did this once before and he ended up in the hospital."

"What?" This was news to me. "Why was he in the hospital?"

Bill looked at me as if he was evaluating me. "You were probably too young for your family to tell you, but... Ronny tried to kill himself back then. I don't know what's up with him right now, but I want to help him if I can."

Honestly, I felt all the blood in my body drain out of me for a minute. "Shit," I muttered.

"Yeah," the guy frowned. "I'm sorry to lay that on you, but... just try to get him to call me, ok?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Ok. Thanks for telling me."

I walked back out to my bike and just stood there for a few moments. I couldn't get my head around this. Yeah, Ronny could be an asshole, but the last thing in the world that I wanted was for anything bad to happen to him - especially something self inflicted.

I felt sick to my stomach.

I rode home and put the food on the table to the approval of the girls, but I'd lost my appetite. I excused myself and said that I just needed to get some air, so I was going to take a bike ride. The girls were suspicious, but they just told me to be careful.

I couldn't get this Ronny thing out of my head. I tried to call him, but his phone number was no longer in service. So, I rode over to the house where he rented a small apartment. He wasn't there, but his mailbox was overflowing and there was a notice from his landlord to call her ASAP, so I figured that couldn't be very good.

Like I said before, I figured he'd be at Monaghan's to watch the game, so I rode over there. I couldn't go in, of course, because I was under age, but the guy at the door was pretty nice. I'm told him I was Ronny's cousin and I was just trying to get in touch with him. The guy said that he'd seen Ronny a few nights earlier at a bar a few blocks over called 'The Right Place.' He said it was a few blocks south, but he said I probably shouldn't go looking for Ronny there.

"Why not?" I asked.

The guy shrugged. "It's not the kind of place a guy wants to run into his cousins at. If you know what I mean."

I had no idea what he meant. I did know that he ended the sentence with a preposition, which bothered, me, but I knew better than to correct him, so rather than bring that up, I headed towards 'The Right Place.'

What struck me about 'The Right Place' was the fact that is was a nice looking place. Not a seedy, old bar like Monaghan's. Again, I couldn't go in, but I pulled my bike up against the appliance store across the street and leaned against the wall and watched the clientele come and go, knowing that my chances of actually catching a glimpse of Ronny were pretty slim. I did see an awful lot of Red Sox hats and jerseys and when the game got into full swing, the place got pretty loud. Eventually, Julia called me and told me to get home before it got too dark. She was right. I didn't have light on my bike and it wasn't safe to be out too late.

When I got home, Aunt Mary was waiting with the Black Swan costume.

"Come on, string bean," my aunt said, very pleasantly, "let's try on your tutu."

"Yay!" My sister and cousins clapped.

I stripped down to my tighty-whities right there in the kitchen - there was no need for modesty. Julia and I had shared a room our whole life and Avery and Chelsea, whose room shared a door with ours, had never bothered knocking, so I'd never had any privacy at all.

I stepped into the black tutu with the large, clear stones on the front and pulled the stretchy item into position on my shoulders.

"Oh, that fits much better, Auntie," Julia said, inspecting the waistline. "It was too baggy, before."

"Just a few darts here and there and we can alter anything made for you to fit his skinny butt." She teased."

"You'll need tights, toe shoes and a headdress," Chelsea said, also inspecting.

"Just tights," Julia corrected. "I have the headdress and toe shoes. I knew he'd want to wear it. Wonder Woman will be waiting on a hanger next year, too."

Just then, my mother and our Aunt Ann entered from their jobs. "Oh, look, Ann," my mother said, sounding exhausted. "My son is wearing his tutu. Every mother's dream."

She kissed Julia's cheek and they said their hellos. Then she kissed me. "Is this for Halloween or do we need to finally have that talk?"

I shrugged. "Would it bother you if we did need to have that talk?"

She laughed, assuming I was kidding, which I was. "If we do, at least pour me a glass of Jack Daniels first."

My Aunt Ann wasn't as amused, though. "I don't find any of this funny. Just look at this, Deidra!" Deidra is my mother. "Every year, your son parades around in a dress like some sort of a fairy. I think it's absolutely disgusting!"

"Oh, stop it, Auntie," Chelsea said with a bit of anger in her voice. "First off, it's just a bit of fun. Secondly, if Jacky is having fun and isn't hurting anyone, then who cares, and finally - it's absolutely none of your business."

Before Aunt Ann could respond to that, Aunt Mary jumped into the fray. "Alright, that's enough of that, young lady. You know better than to talk to your aunt in that manner. Apologize right now."

Chelsea scowled and thought for a moment, then said, "Aunt Ann, I apologize for speaking disrespectfully."

"Thank you," Aunt Ann said, looking a bit superior, which seemed to gall Chelsea.

"However," Chelsea continued, "and I say this with all the love and respect in the world, I feel that you spoke very disrespectfully to Jack, Auntie, and I was only reacting to that, and - again, with all the love and respect in the world - I feel as if you owe Jack an apology."

I saw my mother's eyes close as if bracing for an explosion and I heard Aunt Mary sigh in frustration as the temperature in the room rose significantly.

Feeling very exposed in what should have been a fun moment, I said, "Umm.... No... that's ok. I'm good."

Then, I heard Chelsea sigh - EXACTLY THE SAME WAY HER MOTHER HAD. It was uncanny.

Aunt Mary broke the tension by saying, "Isn't it remarkable how much Jack and Avery resemble each other. It's like they could be siblings."

"It's true," my mother smiled. "I've said it about Chelsea and Julia, too. They look so much like sisters, especially now that they've grown up and their styles have become so similar."

"I don't know if our styles have become similar out of tastes or out of necessity," Chelsea joked.

"Too true," Julia laughed. "We share all of our clothes, so we kind of HAVE to like the same things."

"Oh, poor you," I said, stepping out of my tutu and pulling my jeans back on. "Do you have any idea how many times I've been in a class and realized that the polo shirt that I'm wearing buttons on the wrong side? Or the sleeves are wicked short?"

Avery laughed. "Or that time last month when you were late for work and I stopped you because the white polo you were wearing had puffy sleeves. I should have let you wear that one! That would have been a fun one to explain to your friends at Stop and Shop."

I smirked and nodded. "See. You guys have it easy."

"Well, my Ronald never had any of those problems." My Aunt Ann said with pert irritation. "Ronald is a man and he acts like one." She turned and she walked out of the room.

I noticed my mother and Aunt Mary exchange glances and shake their heads, then I saw my sister and cousins do the same and I felt bad for Ronny. Yeah, there was no doubt that he was a jerk - even an asshole at times, but he was my cousin and I didn't want anything bad to happen to him. The problem was that I knew that if I told my mom or any of the girls, they'd say that I needed to keep my distance. That I was too young and Ronny needed to find his own way, and that might be true, but... I wasn't going to do that, so... I guess I wasn't going to discuss it with them.

Monday and Tuesday were taken up with school and work. I did try to touch base with Ronny's friends, but no one had heard from him. I dropped by his apartment both days, but no sign of him.

On Wednesday, I threw my bike onto the bike rack on the back of our shared car and told the girls I'd be riding home. I liked to go for bike rides every now and then, so they accepted that without explanation.

After my last class, rode over to Ronny's apartment and found that he had picked up his mail and his landlord said that he'd made a partial payment on his back rent - good news, right?

I rode to where his friend Bill parked all of his landscaping trucks and asked some of the guys if anyone had seen Ronny, but no one had.

It was still a little early for the bars, only five thirty, but I didn't know where else to look, so I headed over to Monaghan's.

The same guy was working the door and he seemed to remember me.

"Ronny's cousin, right?" He smiled and pointed at me.

"Right," I smiled back. "Have you seen him?"

"Nope? Hasn't been here at all," he smiled.

I nodded. "I looked at that other bar you suggested - The Right Place. No luck there, either."

The guy put his hand on my shoulder and looked me right in the eye. "What's your name, kid."

"Jack."

"Look, Jack. I know you're worried about Ron, and there may be good reason for it, but... sometimes people change and it happens pretty quickly, if you know what I mean."

I just stared at him. I had no idea what he meant.

"Ronny's going through some stuff right now, Jack. I think you need to just let him go through it."

I shook my head. "I don't think I can. I mean - I grew up across the hall from him. I'm supposed to be there for him, aren't I? If he's going through stuff, he needs family, doesn't he? I need to find him. If for no other reason than to make sure he's ok."

The big guy nodded. "Ok, Jack, but be ready to take a step back if you have to."

What the heck did that mean? "Yeah, ok. Thanks."

I took that as my cue to leave and I headed down to the canal district and the more posh area where The Right Place was located.

Again, I took up residence against the building across the street and I waited for awhile as the 'after office hours' crowd filed in. They didn't seem like Ronny's crew to me. The women, and there were a lot more women then men, were all very well dressed in office attire. The men all wore suits, or at least sports coats.

I was just about to leave, assuming that the information I'd been given was wrong, when a group of people came around the corner and someone in the group said something along the lines of, "Oh, shit," or something like that and the group all kind of circled around her to help out. I didn't pay a lot of attention, though. I went back to looking at the door to the bar across the street.

That is, until someone was suddenly standing in front of me, blocking my view of The Right Place.

"What are you doing here?" The stranger asked, angrily.

"What?" I was startled, but not overly intimidated. The stranger was a woman. She was bigger than me and probably a bit broader, but a woman, nonetheless.

"I asked you what you are doing here."

I looked around trying to figure out what gave this person her authority. "I... I'm waiting for somebody, if you must know. Why?"

"Well, she doesn't want to see you, so get on your bike and head on home."

Now, I was thoroughly confused. "Look, ma'am, I don't know you and I don't know what you think is going on, but the person I'm waiting for is not a 'she' and this is none of your business, so... if you don't mind..."

There was something very odd about this woman and suddenly I became very aware of what that was because she leaned in and spoke very menacingly and in a much lower and more manly voice. "Listen, kid, Ronny doesn't want to see you. Go home."

That got my attention and I stood up straighter. "Is Ronny with you? Is he ok?"

"Yeah. Ronny is with me. She's fine. Go home."

"She? What are you talking about? Where is he?"

I started to move towards the group of people from where this stranger had come, but the stranger suddenly slammed her arm straight out into the wall of the building behind my back. "Look, kid... I've asked you nicely to just go home. Now, go home."

I stopped and looked her in the face. "You haven't ASKED me anything and you haven't been NICE at all. You've been rude and ordered me to leave. Now, let me tell you why I'm here. Ronny is my cousin. We were raised in the same house - just like brothers." That actually felt a little weird to say, but it was kind of true. "Sunday afternoon, I loaned him money - then I found out he quit his job, hadn't paid his rent, none of his friends have seen him weeks and he has a history of depression and suicide attempts. So, I've spent the last few days riding my bike all over this damned city looking for my cousin to make sure he's alive, reasonably sober, has a place to live, has food and isn't going to kill himself. So, I'll say this as nicely as I can - I don't really give a shit what you want me to do. If Ronny is with you, I want to talk to him to make sure he's ok."

That seemed to make the stranger back off a little. She pulled her arm back and relaxed her stance. Then she nodded and her woman's voice returned. "Yeah... ok. Wait here a minute."

She returned to her group for a minute and talked to them for a pretty long time before walking back towards me with another woman with her. This woman was a little stockier, a bit more obviously a man in transition, but still a well dressed woman. As they got close, the stranger stopped and the stockier woman stepped closer and that's when I recognized her, but I knew enough not to react to how he looked other than to say, "Hi, Ron."

"Hi, Jack," he said, and it was obvious that he was very uncomfortable with the situation.

"You look really good," I said, not certain of the protocol.

"Yeah, yeah, fuck you," he said, shocking me. "Go ahead and laugh if you want."

"Why would I laugh. I mean it. You look good." He was wearing what I would call standard office attire for a woman. A kind of short sleeved, dark blue sheath dress that reached his knees with a necklace and sensible heels, a passable, bob-style wig and simple makeup. The simplicity of the look is what made it so that you probably wouldn't look twice at him and question whether or not he was a woman. He wasn't pretty, nor was he homely.

He shook his head. "So now what? Are you going to run home and tell everyone that cousin Ronny is a fairy? Tell my mom? Is that it, Jack?"

"Look, Ronny, I ran into Bill on Sunday and heard you quit your job. Then I heard you hadn't been to your apartment in weeks and I was worried. That's all. I just wanted to be sure you're ok. Are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Ok, then." I thought for a moment. "Do you have a place to stay?"

He nodded.

"Food?"

He nodded.

"You know... you CAN come home. Everyone will understand if you talk to them."

He guffawed. "Yeah. Sure they would. I can just hear them laughing when you tell them."

I shrugged. "I'm not telling them anything, Ronny. I'll help you tell them if you want to, though."

Another guffaw. "You're a real piece of work Jacky. You're in and out of dresses every Halloween and everyone thinks you're adorable. I'm not you, though, Jack. I'm not the cute, little baby of the family. I'm Ronny. The asshole of the family."

I didn't say anything for a moment.

"Do you have a job?" I asked.

"I do. I just started this week, and thanks for not arguing about me being an asshole."

I ignored that. "What about your phone? What if your mom wants to reach you?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. I don't know when I'll be able to get that reconnected. I owe like two hundred to them, but I need to payoff my rent at my old place so I can get my stuff out there first. I'll get it all dealt with eventually."

I pulled an envelope out of my pocket. "Look, Ronny, this five hundred and sixty dollars. It's my paycheck from this week. It's not a loan. I don't want you to pay me back. It's just to help you get through this. If I'd found you drunk in a gutter, I'd have used it to get you help at a clinic or something, but since you seem to be ok, then... use it to get your phone working and... whatever... but get your phone on and call me to let me know it's on. I don't want Auntie Ann crying because she's worried that you're hurt or... worse. Alright?"

He looked at the envelope and shook his head. "I... I can't take that Jack."

"Yes, you can Ron. I went to a lot of trouble to find you and I am not going to leave with this in my pocket. I want to know that you're ok and - well, to tell you the truth, you're being really selfish right now. Not this new identity thing. You're entitled to that, but, shit, Ronny, you make caring about you fucking hard at the best of times and now I have to spend all of my spare time acting like a detective, running all over the city looking for you and wondering if you've hurt yourself or something. Then I find you here looking all shiny and pretty... I'm happy for you, I really am, but... come on... take the money and help me make it easier to find you, ok?"

Finally, he smiled. Then, he hugged me and, just as he had on Sunday, he kissed my cheek, but this time it wasn't creepy. "Thanks, Jacky. My phone will be on in an hour. I promise. I'll call you."

"Thanks, Ronny. Call Auntie Ann, soon, too, ok?"

He winked and took the envelope. "Promise." He turned to walk away, but stopped. "Hey, Jacky... thanks for all of this, but... I don't know how much I'm going to be around the family for a while."

I nodded. "Ok."

I felt better having touched base with Ronny and when I got home, I wanted so badly to tell Julia what I'd found out, but I kept my promise and bit my tongue.

It was just about an hour later that I got a text from Ronny. SERVICE BACK ON. THANKS, JACK.

I was disappointed that Auntie Ann's phone didn't ring until the next morning, though, but when it did, she seemed really happy. Later, at dinner, she was gushing about her conversation.

"...and Ronny has a new job. He's working in an office. I'm not quite sure what he's doing, but he says the pay is much better and he's learning new skills. And he says he got his GED last month. I couldn't believe that! Lord, getting that boy to go to school was a nightmare! He says that he's staying with new friends, too, because the commute to his new job from his old place is just too far. So, he'll be staying there until he gets a car of his own. Wouldn't that be nice for him?"

"Yes, it would," my mother said, but she said it with a dismissive smirk.

"I'm glad that Ron has a good job," Aunt Mary smiled. "This sounds like a turning point for him. Next time you speak to him, wish him luck from me."

"From all of us, too," I added, which earned me a kick under the table. I think it came from Avery, but it could have come from any of them.

"I certainly will tell him," Aunt Ann said with a big smile.

As Halloween approached I got excited about my Black Swan costume. I went to a dance store with Julia and I got a pair of tights to wear on that night and I got excited just thinking about trying them on.

So, you might be wondering wondering about me at this point, right? Was I gay? Straight? Trans? Cis?

Honestly - I had no idea.

I mean, I liked girls, but I had no real interest in dating. Maybe it's the onslaught of female hormones at home, but I just wan not that interested in getting involved with more female entanglements than necessary.

I've never REALLY been all that interested in guys, but I always figured that if I woke up and found Tom Holland in my bed, I probably wouldn't kick him out, HOWEVER I'd be happier if I found Millie Bobby Brown there. Does that clear things up? Probably not, but I guess I was a little confused, but I wasn't really concerned about it.

Actually, none of us really dated much. Avery and Chelsea had high school boyfriends, but I think that was more of a social-standing thing than anything else. Julia dated a guy named Otto for most of senior year, but they broke up right after senior prom. I went to prom with a friend named Aphia who'd arrived from Ghana near the end of junior year. We'd agreed not to wear the traditional tuxedo and gown, but rather to wear things from our closet. I showed up in a too small sports coat, a checked shirt, bow tie, suspenders, corduroy pants that barely reached my ankles, high top sneakers and a pork-pie hat. Aphia wore a yellow tribal print dress that she wore to church on Sunday mornings that made her look like an African goddess. I felt like an idiot, but she said that I looked exactly as she'd expected me to look, which I never quite knew how to take.

So, the party at our college was the Friday night before Halloween. The previous Saturday, while our mom and aunts were all out, we began preparing all of our costumes. Julia, of course, was Wonder Woman and my cousins worked to design her makeup to make her look as much like Gal Gadot as possible. Avery was going as Sally from 'The Nightmare Before Christmas,' so they worked out all of the scar makeup and how to make her fairly narrow face look round. Like me, Avery was slender, so Sally's body was now big challenge. Chelsea was going as Black Widow, complete with the form fitting leather costume and the red wig. She looked surprisingly great when they were done with her.

Then it was my turn.

Now, my hair was pretty long already, but it didn't have a lot of fullness, so they used a thing called a 'bun ring' to shape my hair into a thick dancer's bun on the top of my head. They used about a zillion hairpins to hold it in place, too.

Then came the makeup

If you recall the movie 'Black Swan,' at the end, the dancer wears the black tutu with pale white makeup and feathery black makeup around her eyes. It's really cool and Avery and Chelsea had already done it for Julia last year, so you'd assume that it would be a quick, slam dunk procedure for me, right.

Hardly.

It took HOURS! They put the makeup on me. They compared my face to pictures of Natalie Portman from the film. They showed me how I looked in the mirror and pointed out the flaws. They took the makeup off me. They put the makeup on me. They compared my face to pictures of Natalie Portman from the film. They showed me how I looked in the mirror and pointed out the flaws. They took the makeup off me. Etcetera.

On and on it went the entire Saturday afternoon, until finally, at about four thirty in the afternoon, they declared that they had gotten everything perfect! Then, they went to work on me AGAIN! This time, when they let me look at myself in the mirror, I laughed because I didn't look like Natalie Portman in 'Black Swan.' I looked like my cousin Avery when she went out for the evening.

"Ok, very funny," I said as they all giggled.

"Mom and Aunt Mary are always saying that you look more like Avery than you look like me," Julia laughed. "We just wanted to see if they were right."

"And they were," Chelsea said with a big, broad smile.

Avery put her arm around my shoulder and she smiled at our reflection in the mirror. "Don't we make a pretty pair, Jacky?"

I laughed along with them. "Ok, ok, we've all had a good laugh, now, let me wash this off."

"Are you crazy?" Avery asked, seemingly astounded. "Now that you're all prettied up, you're going out to dinner with us."

I laughed for a moment, but then I realized she was serious. I glanced at Julia and Chelsea and their smiles told me that they were serious, as well.

"Oh, come on, guys. I can't go out with my face done up like this. I'd look foolish."

"You're absolutely right," Chelsea said.

"And that's why you'll be wearing one of Avery's dresses to match your makeup," Julia smiled.

"Oh, Geez, guys, I don't know about that," well, that's what I said, but to be honest, the idea of going out dressed as a girl was pretty exciting. "What if we see someone we know."

The three of them just smiled like it was no big deal.

"Look in the mirror, Jacky." Avery smirked. "You don't look like yourself at all. No one will recognize you. Besides, we're just going to the McGill's. It's a family place. It's not the kind of place that our friends go."

"Come on, Jacky," Julia nudged me. "It'll be fun. You're always a good sport."

I shrugged. 'Ok. I'll do it."

"Good," Chelsea said. "We figured you would. That's why we got you some panties." She smiled as she held up a pair of fairly plain, baby blue, nylon panties. I had seen enough panties in the laundry to know that these were boy short panties and I could see that they had just a little lace around the waist and leg openings.

Subtle, but pretty... and kind of exciting.

"Put them on, Jacky," Julia said, with a giggle. "You'll have a little more fun than usual this Halloween."

Because I was stripping all the way down this time, I stepped into bathroom and changed into the panties. It certainly wasn't the fist time I'd worn panties, but it was the fist time I'd worn them for such a clandestine reason and and that made it more thrilling than before.

I stepped back into the room saying, "All set," only to be met with Avery bursting into laughter and shouting.

"Oh, my God!"

That made the other two turn and they both burst out laughing as well.

"What?" I asked.

"Oh, for crying out loud, Jack, tuck that thing away!" Chelsea said through howls of laughter.

I looked down and realized that I was far beyond 'tenting' the panties. I was being down right rude. "Oh, shoot!" I sputtered and turned my back and I tried to tuck myself down between my legs, but I was so stiff that it just wouldn't cooperate.

"Come on, Jacky," Avery said. "We don't have all night."

"I'm trying."

"Do you need a few minutes alone in the bathroom?" Chelsea asked, and to tell you the truth, that question didn't really make a lot of sense to me.

Maybe it was just the sheer embarrassment of the situation, but I softened up quickly enough that I could finally tuck myself into the gusset of the panties. I turned around and said, "All set."

"Oh, good," Chelsea smiled. "I honestly thought you were going to have to go deal with that."

"Let me help you with your bra," Julia said as she helped me get the item onto my arms.

"How else would I have dealt with it than tucking it in?" I asked.

Julia kept right on working, but Avery and Chelsea both came to a dead stop and looked at me. "You're kidding, right?" Chelsea asked.

"What?" I said, still confused.

"Come on, guys," Julia said, fastening the bra. "Let's just get ready to go."

"No, no, wait," Avery looked concerned. "Jack... you've masturbated before, haven't you?"

I looked around at them, feeling very on the spot and very embarrassed. "Masturbated? Like... jerked off?"

"Yeah?" Avery nodded.

"Well... no," I admitted. In fact, I really only knew the term 'jerking off' from other kids at school. I mean I knew ABOUT masturbation, I'd just never done it because... well, that will become clear in a bit.

"Oh my God, how is that possible?" Chelsea asked, astounded. "Jack, you're nineteen? You should have been whacking yourself blind for six or seven years by now!"

"You obviously get stiff, Jacky, have you ever had a wet dream?" Avery asked.

"Come on," Julia said, sounding miffed. "Leave him alone. He's just inexperienced."

"Inexperienced? Julia, this is not natural!" Chelsea said, and that hit me a little hard.

"Hey, you know what else isn't natural?" I finally defended myself. "Being a nineteen year old guy and sharing the same room with your twin sister and having that room share a door with your two female cousins and my mother and my two aunts are all sleeping just a few feet away from me and this house is NEVER empty and in nineteen years I have NEVER ONCE slept anywhere but in that bedroom surrounded by women that I love and respect, and some of those women are now ridiculing me."

"Ummm... Jacky..." Avery started saying, but I was really hurt.

"You know what?" I reached behind me and undid the bra hooks. "Screw this. I'm not going to go out like this. I think I've been emasculated enough today."

"Oh, come on, Jacky," Chelsea said, as if I was overreacting.

"Come on? You know what? I know I'm not like some kind of a macho guy or anything, but I treat you and your mother and my mother and Aunt Ann with a lot of respect. I'm not like a lot of other guys - like most other guys. I wouldn't lay there in the dark and defile myself with you and my mom and my aunts within ear shot. So... go ahead and make fun of me if you want. I'm going to go shower."

I turned to walk out of the room, but Julia stopped me with a hug.

"Come on, Jacky. Nobody meant to make you feel bad. They just weren't thinking."

"Yeah, Jack. We're sorry," Avery said.

"Yeah, Jacky," Chelsea joined. "Really. I'm sorry. You're right I was being a jerk." Then she let out a little snicker. "If you think about it, I was being like a female Ronny."

That kind of set me off again. "Hey, you know, what, leave Ronny out of this, ok? He's got his own shit to deal with and I think HE might actually have understood why I never touched myself."

That seemed to really surprise everyone, including Julia.

"Ok. Ok." Chelsea said, holding her hands up in front of her, as if holding off an attack. "I'm sorry about that, too, then, but..."

"But what?" I asked, still fired up.

"Nothing," Chelsea backed down. "It's just that Ronny probably wouldn't understand, Jacky. That's all."

That confused me and I was going to snap back at her, but I was interrupted.

"Come on, everyone," Julia finally intervened to calm things down. "Girls, go get ready. Jack, let me get you dressed."

"I don't know, Jules. I'm not really in the mood, now."

"I know, but I know that you'll have fun. Come on. You always get a kick out of dressing up for Halloween. This is like an extension of that. A night to see the world like a real girl. It'll be fun. Avery picked out a nice dress for you. Your hair and makeup are already done. Please. Do it for me. I need a night out and I'll me miserable if I know that you're at home sulking."

So, as angry as I'd just been, I still really wanted to take advantage of this opportunity to go out dressed as a girl. "Alright," I said, after much mock deliberation, "but I want to be treated well. I don't want anyone teasing me and no one giving hints to the wait staff about me being a guy or anything like that."

My sister kissed my cheek. "Nothing like that, I promise."

We were all dressed nicely. Chelsea was the only one in slacks, but they were very feminine, with wide legs, and her silk blouse was stunning and showed off her assets. Julia's dress did the same, it also barely covered her rump, and if my mother had seen it, she would have had a conniption. Avery's dress was tight in the breast department to show off her modest cleavage, and then continued to cling to her right down to her mid-thigh, showing off her shapely hips.

I lacked both breasts and hips, although the bra they'd gotten me did provide ample padding to make anyone believe that I did have a small set of breasts - slightly less impressive than Avery's 'B' cups. The dress Avery had chosen was very pretty, though. It was a pretty brown - I know that sounds odd, but it really was both pretty and brown - with tiny white polka dots. A very modest 'V' neck, kind of a floppy shape, overall, bell sleeves that reached to just past my elbows, a ruffle at the waist that also had a very weak elastic that gave the dress some shape, but didn't bring the dress even close to my body and then a ruffle about three inches from the hem which sat just above my knees. Since my legs were, for the most part, hairless, I didn't have to shave to go sit in a dim restaurant.

Julia put some clear nail gloss on my finger and toe nails and I wore a pair of cloth-top sandals, and since it was a warm October evening, we headed out the door without jackets.

McGill's is a nice family place where you'd expect to go for your birthday or something like that. Not someplace you'd go with your friends. Home cooked food at a good price. We arrived and were seated pretty quickly for a Saturday night and the waitress took our drink orders - Chelsea and Avery got apple-tinis and Julia and I, being underage, got Cokes.

When the drinks arrived, we ordered our meals and were just starting to chat when I spotted someone I recognized walking toward our table and I thought I was going to die. I didn't know her well, and I didn't know her name, but I definitely recognized her from campus. She was a startlingly pretty girl. Mocha colored skin and long, straight hair. I assumed she of Indian heritage, but found out later that her family was from Nepal.

When she stopped at our table, I nearly wet my panties, but I breathed a sign of relief when she spoke to Julia instead of me.

"Hi, Julia!" The girl gushed as she gave my sister a hug. "I didn't expect to run into you here."

"Hi, Ria," Julia said in reply. "I'm just out for a quick meal with my cousins. This is Chelsea, Avery and Jacky." I smiled and nodded, but wanted to kill Julia for using my real name. Of course, I did know plenty of Jaquelines who went by Jakki, but still... I was going to see this beautiful girl on campus. What if she put two and two together!?

"Nice to meet you all," Ria smiled. "I'm here with my family. It's my grandmother's birthday. Hey - I don't want to interrupt your evening, but did you get all that stuff we needed to do for the literature homework? I mean, I get the basic idea, the town is the narrator and all that, but the questions that Professor Crenshaw posted online were so involved... I really don't think I'm coming close to answering them the way she wants. Do you think we could maybe FaceTime tomorrow or something to talk about it?"

"I was having problems with that, too, but my brother has Crenshaw a different period and he understands it much better than I do."

She looked at me. She actually looked at me, expecting me to say something until Avery jumped in and said, "Hey, Ria, why don't you come over to our place tomorrow afternoon and Julia's brother," she looked at Julia and daggers came from her eyes, "JACK, will be there. I'm sure he'd be happy to help you out."

"No kidding!?" Ria seemed thrilled. "Wow! That would be great! Thanks!"

Julia seemed to come to her senses and realize that, in her casualness, she hadn't realized that I was not dressed to have a discussion with a classmate - especially one I thought was gorgeous.

"Sure, that's a great idea," Julia said. "I'll text you the address."

"So... you all live together?" Ria asked, a little surprised.

"I don't!" I offered, perhaps too quickly.

"No," Chelsea smiled and clarified. "Our cousins Jaqueline lives... umm..."

"In Utah..." Avery said, for some reason - and then for some even stranger reason added - "With the Mormons."

"Oh," Ria said, nodded.

"She goes to Brigham Young University." Avery continued for absolutely no reason.

Ria turned to Julia, but Avery was on a roll. "In Provo."

Thank goodness Chelsea grabbed Avery's hand and squeezed it, apparently pretty hard, because Avery let out a quiet 'Ouch,' while Ria said her goodbyes.

When she'd gone, I looked at my sister and said, "What is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry. I just differed to you to answer the question. I wasn't thinking."

"And you called me Jacky!"

"Don't worry, Jack," Avery said. "I'm sure she won't remember any of our names tomorrow."

"Oh no?" I said, sarcastically. "She won't remember the bun-head girl that lives in Utah with the Mormons and goes to Brigham Young University in Provo? God, you might as well have told what street I lived on, what my major was, and what country I'd be going to for my Latter Day Saints Mission Year. What is wrong with you two?"

Chelsea was smirking and trying not to laugh as I chastised the other two while trying to keep my voice down.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"When you get made, your voice goes up in pitch. Just like Avery's." That made the other two laugh a bit two, and I admit it cooled me off as well.

"Alright," I finally said, "but from now on, no more mistakes like that."

Dinner was very good and despite promises to the contrary, we didn't go straight home, but instead went to a movie. We went to a theater a couple towns away and we didn't run into anyone we knew, so the whole evening was a lot of fun.

Unfortunately, when we got home, there was a complication. Mom and the aunts had gotten home earlier than expected. If we'd only gone to dinner, we'd have gotten home well before them. If we'd gone to a movie close to home, we PROBABLY would have beat them by a few minutes, but as it was - they were home, they were undressed, they were in their PJs and robes and they were watching the news.

Which meant they were between any entrance and our bedrooms.

Which meant... they were going to see me.

Julia peeked in through the crack in the drapes. "Well, Aunt Ann and Aunt Mary are on the couch and mom is in the easy chair so no one is facing the kitchen. So, if we go in the back door, then I go and stand in front of the TV and tell them something about what we did tonight and you guys all hurry past, maybe they won't see Jack."

"I'll go with you, Jules," Chelsea said. "Avery, you help Jacky. Jack, when we get into the kitchen, take off your sandals. That way you can move faster and you won't make as much noise. Ok?"

I nodded.

"They're going to catch us." Avery said.

"Let's hope not," Chelsea shrugged. "Come on."

We entered the kitchen and we heard one the older women, probably Aunt Mary, call out, "Hi, kids. We're in the living room."

We all looked at each other and took a big breath, then Chelsea and Julia headed into the living room and stood right in front of the TV and began a breathless report of the evening's events.

The three older woman were focused on them, so Avery took my hand and we headed down the corridor. Avery had just turned into the bedroom when I heard Aunt Mary call, "Avery! Come here, dear."

I turned and saw that she was looking right at me, so I gave a small smile and I walked back in that direction as confidently as I could.

When they caught sight of me, Chelsea and Julia stopped speaking.

Aunt Mary smiled and touched the hem of my dress. "That's very pretty. Is it new?"

I nodded and smiled and kind of hummed my answer. "Uh huh."

She looked up at me, well mostly at my dress. "Turn around. Let me see the back."

As I turned, I heard my mother speak to Julia. "That dress is entirely too short, Julia and you know it."

"No, it isn't mom. We went to McGill's and movie. I wasn't trying to pick up a guy or anything."

Then Aunt Mary was speaking to me again. "I've never seen you wear your hair in a bun like that before, Avery. I like that. It's nice and neat. Don't you like it, Ann?" She asked her sister.

"Yes, I do." Aunt Ann agreed. "It's a very smart look for you, Avery. You should consider wearing it like that on job interviews when the time comes." I still had my back to them.

"That is an excellent idea," Aunt Mary pointed out.

"Where's your brother?" My mother asked Julia.

"Ummm..." Julia looked at me, uncertain as to what to say. I think we'd already displayed our inability to lie very well, but Chelsea thought that she'd throw her hat into the ring and gave it a shot.

"Umm... Jacky?" She called down the hall. "Jacky? Are you back there?"

There was about ten seconds of silence.

"Jacky?" Chelsea called again.

Three more seconds of silence and then Avery stepped out into the hallway, still in her tight fitting dress, with her hands held up in a 'I don't know what to do' gesture.'

"What the hell is going on?" My mother said as she jumped up out of the easy chair.

Aunt Mary jumped up as well. "Avery?" She said, questioning her eyes as she looked down the hall, then at me. "Then who is..."

"JOHN KENNEDY RICHARDS WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" My mother shouted my full name. This was serious. She hadn't done that since I'd accidentally broken an expensive vase when I was eleven.

"Mom, don't get made at Jack. It was our idea and it was just for fun." Julia suddenly became my defense attorney.

"THIS is Jack!?" Aunt Mary said, astounded.

"I told you to take a firmer hand with that boy," Aunt Ann was saying from her perch on the couch, her head shaking from side to side in judgement of my sexuality.

"Really, Aunty, it was just for a fun night out," Chelsea tried to calm my mother down.

"Avery, he's not wearing your underwear, is he?" Aunt Mary was very concerned all of a sudden.

The volume of the cacophony rose, I finally heard enough and headed for my room.

"And just WHERE do you think you're going?" I heard my mother shout and the room became quiet.

I turned and stood straight. "I am going to shower and I am going to bed."

"No you are not. We are going to talk about this right now."

I sighed. "Mom... I love you, but I'm tired and you're being irrational. I am very willing to talk to you about this. I am even very willing to talk to the entire family about this, but I am not willing to talk to anybody about this right now. Right now, I am taking off my dress, my bra, my panties and my makeup, I am taking my hair out of this bun and I am taking a shower. Then I am crawling into bed and going to sleep. Just so you all know, Julia invited a classmate over tomorrow afternoon so that I could help her with her literature work. Other than that, I am available to discuss how much I disgust and disappoint each and everyone of you at any point tomorrow. Until then, though - I am not interested in discussing anything. Good night."

I had never spoken to anyone, let alone my mother or my aunts that way before and the look on their faces indicated that they could not believe that I had spoken to them that way then. The last thing I heard as my door closed was my mother's voice saying, "Well, that's all well and good, but rest assured, young man, that this WILL BE DISCUSSED!"
 
 
To Be Continued...