The Good Son - 1
Author:
Audience Rating:
Publication:
Genre:
Character Age:
Taxonomy upgrade extras:
Permission:
As Jack tells his story, you'll see what I mean.
Author's Note: I love to read comments, pro and con, but I'd also just love for you to check in and let me know that you're doing ok. ~Clara.
This version of The Good Son: 1 has been updated with many corrections towards spelling and grammar.~Sephrena.
Image Credit: Image created through the use of ai at https://perchance.org/beautiful-people .~Sephrena.
Chapter 1
I think this is really a story about my family. How we learned what we really are as a group and how we learned who we really are individually. Sooooo.... I guess the best place to start would be back about seven or eight months ago....
"Wicked lanky." That's what my Aunt Mary called my general build as she took my measurements and then slapped my reared harder than was necessary.
"Ouch!" I let out involuntarily.
"Well, for crying out loud, Jackie, if you had any meat on you at all, you wouldn't have felt that."
That was pretty much the level of sympathy you could expect in our household. Don't get me wrong, everyone mostly loved each other, we just show it differently than most families. My mom and her two sisters grew up in Boston's Southie neighborhood and, even though they had made the great migration west to central Massachusetts when my cousins and my twin sister or I were babies, they had kept that harsh attitude. They could be really funny, but their displays of affection typically involved playful insults and slaps like the one I'd just received.
The truth was, though, I really was 'wicked lanky.' Five foot six and a hundred and eleven pounds. My twin sister, who was nearly an inch taller than me and outweighed me by twelve pounds, came to my defense. "Leave him alone, auntie. If I had his figure I could have gotten a ballet scholarship."
Julia, my twin, and my only sibling, was a very gifted dancer and violinist. She had always thought that when the time came for college, she'd have a ballet scholarship in the bag, but then the boob fairy showed up and interfered with that plan. In fact, the boob fairy was a little late showing up for Julia. She was a ballet star as age sixteen approached and as age seventeen approached, she was bouncing way too much to be the focus of a dance. It broke her heart, but she shifted that passion she'd had for ballet to jazz dance and violin.
"You always had a meat on your bottom, Jules," my aunt laughed. "I think I may have broken a finger on his bony butt." She crackled as she walked away.
I shook my head as I joined my sister at the kitchen table to do home work. "Did you do the paper for Olsen's Bio class, yet?" I asked.
"Yeah," Julia answered without looking up. "It's in my Google Drive. Can you proof it when you get a chance?"
I nodded. "Sure, if you'll proof mine."
"Yep," she agreed, again with no eye contact.
Julia and I were both pretty driven students. To our mother, an 'A' was the only acceptable grade you could receive. Although we hadn't officially declared our majors yet, Julia planned on a major in Secondary Education/History and I planned on Secondary
Education/English.
We both kept typing away on our laptops without saying much for a good long while. Occasionally, a question would be asked. For instance Julia asked - "What's a good word to use instead of 'took over?'" "'Usurped,'" I'd answer without much interaction. I'd ask something similar and on we'd go.
This was a pretty typical Sunday afternoon at our house.
"Oh look, it's 'The Nerdiest College Freshmen Twins,'" my oldest cousin, Ronny, said as he burst into the kitchen in the mid afternoon. "Hey, Jack, your roses are drooping out there."
Ronny had grown up here, but had moved out nearly five years ago. At least he claimed to have moved out, but he still had a room here and showed up often enough to eat our food or drop off his laundry or borrow money from his mother, our Aunt Ann.
"You'd better get your floppy straw hat on and get out there before the poor thing perishes," he continued.
See, Ronny was an asshole, plain and simple. Always had been, always would be. He had barely finished high school and now worked for a friend's landscaping company. From what I could tell, he mostly drove the truck and acted superior to everyone, then drank himself into oblivion every night. The one thing that Ronny really hated more than anything else in the world though, was anyone who was smarter than he was, so - Ronny hated pretty much everyone.
"Your mom's at work Ronny," Julia said without emotion, "and we're busy. What do you want?"
He sat down next to me and put his arm around me. I could smell the beer and knew he'd been prepping for the late afternoon baseball playoff games that were starting at four. I glanced at Julia and sighed.
"Do I need a reason to stop by and see my favorite cousins?" He shook my shoulders, causing me to stop typing. "I mean, Jackie and me, we're like brothers, right, Jackie? I taught you how to ride a bike and how to throw a baseball and..."
"I only have about forty bucks, Ronny," I said, knowing that that was his ultimate goal, since his mother was not at home, "and Julia doesn't get paid until next week, so she's broke."
'Hey, thanks, Jackie. Forty would be great. I'll pay you back on Thursday." He shook me again as I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket and pulled two twenty dollar bills out, displaying its empty contents to Ronny so he could see that I'd given him all I had. He rubbed my head, messing up my all ready unkept, too long, brown hair and stood up. "You're ok, Jackie. Thanks, kid. Oh, and, hey, umm... don't ummm..."
"I won't mention it to Aunt Ann," I said with a wave of my hand. "Go and have a good time, Ronny. I have to finish this, ok?"
"Yeah, thanks, again, kid," he beamed. Then he turned to Julia. "Got a kiss for cousin Ronny?" He asked, his arms spread wide.
"No," was Julia's dispassionate reply, her eyes remaining on her computer screen, her fingers resolutely typing away.
"Ok." Ronny shrugged and walked out the door.
It was quiet for a minute until Julia said. "You shouldn't have given him any money."
"He wasn't going to leave until he got some, and this kept him from looking in unguarded pocketbooks."
She continued typing "You're nineteen years old. He'll be thirty in a couple of months. He's an irresponsible pain in the ass. Don't give him any more money."
"Again - he wasn't going to leave without something. At least I kept him from stealing it. I can get more from an ATM later if I need it."
"Chelsea and Avery and I have all washed our hands of him, Jack. You need to as well."
Chelsea and Avery are also our cousins, our Aunt Mary's daughters. They also live here. It's a crowded little house.
"It's easier for you. He's the only other guy in the family."
"So what? He didn't teach you to ride a bike! Avery did." She kept typing. "He didn't teach you to throw a baseball! Avery did. She's the only one who ever had any athletic ability in this house."
"He's family."
"He's an asshole."
"He's still family."
"He's still an asshole."
"And he's still family."
"And he's still a fucking asshole - OH GODDAMNIT, JACKIE!"
"What did I do?" I asked. She seemed really ticked.
"Arrrrr... I'm typing up this report on Trotsky and I just typed, 'On January 9, 1937, Trotsky arrived in Mexico and he's still a fucking asshole.' I don't think Professor Grant is going to accept that."
"Maybe if you were to qualify the statement and wrote, "and had he not assassinated in 1940, he'd still be a fucking asshole,' she'd accept it." I joked.
She just shook her head. "My point is - Ronny doesn't deserve your help, he doesn't appreciate your help and he just abuses your help, so don't give him your help. Ok?"
I shrugged. "I feel bad for him." I thought for a second. "And did you notice that he looked a little different. I'm worried about him."
She nodded. "I feel bad for him too, but I feel like giving him money to get drunk isn't going to help him. Something is wrong with him, Jack, and he needs to get some help. We can't do it for him."
"Can't help who?" My cousin Avery asked as she entered the kitchen with her older sister, Chelsea.
"Let me guess - Ronald," Chelsea said, shaking her head. "You guys didn't give him money, did you?"
"I gave him forty bucks, but come on... The Red Sox are in the playoffs. He was going to go to Monaghan's with his friends no matter what. We all know that. I just kept him out of Aunt Ann's dresser where she keeps her extra money."
"Probably kept him out of our dressers, too," Avery said.
The two of them sat down. "When is he finally moving all of his junk out of this house?" Chelsea asked.
"Probably never," Julia chuckled. "There was a time that I thought that Jack and I would stop sharing a room before we were in college. But... tada. Here we are in college, we can't afford to even live on campus and we're still sharing the same bedroom. Ahhh... the memories we'll share with our kids of our wild teen years!"
Chelsea laughed. "We're no better. I'm a senior and Avery's a junior and we're still living at home."
"Of course, if Jack moved out the gardens would all die," Avery said nudging me.
I stopped typing looked up. "That's the second attack on my gardens in a half hour. What's the big deal?"
So, let me explain. We've lived in this house a long time. Since I can remember, actually. There were these big old rose bushes in the side yard that were just big prick bushes as far as we were concerned until I was watching a TV show a few years ago and I realized that they were these heritage rose bushes. I did some research and found out how to cut them back correctly, feed them and prune them until they were healthy and productive again. Now, they're beautiful and I'm proud of them, but the reason I was getting teased about them is because a couple of months ago I was working on them and a lady was walking by and stopped to talk to me. She was a member of this local rose society - I had no idea such a thing even existed. So, I was out there in this big old shirt button down shirt to keep the pricks away and a floppy straw hat, both of which I bought at a yard sale, and the lady took pictures of the roses and me and wrote up my story and a few weeks later I found out I won a prize for saving the heritage rose bush and I got a check for a hundred dollars and my picture and a little story in the local paper.
There was a catch to the story, though.
The story said my name was 'Jakkie' and used female pronouns throughout.
I didn't care. I laughed as hard as everyone else.
My family had a field day with that, of course. Their Southie sarcasm kicked into high gear and the teasing was nonstop for weeks, but as scathing as their attacks were, it was all good natured - excepted for Ronny's attacks. Ronny was just plain mean about it and he continued to be mean about it. It was hurtful, but... that was Ronny.
"I'm just teasing," Avery laughed.
"Ok, serious topic," Chelsea said, causing Julia to actually stop typing, "are you guys going to the costume party at the student center next weekend?"
"Yeah, of course," I said.
"It's our first college party," Julia pointed out.
"Great!" Chelsea smiled. "This isn't some high school shindig, though. You've got good costumes, right?"
"I have a great Wonder Woman costume on order," Julia smiled. She called up her order on her computer and showed it to our cousins.
"Oh, that's great," Avery bubbled. "You'll look sexy as hell in that!"
"How about you, Jack?" Chelsea asked.
I just smiled and said, "Same thing I do every year."
"No," Chelsea laughed. "You're not really going to wear Julia's costume from last year, are you?"
"It's a tradition," I smiled.
"Your mom just checked his waistline in my old costume and she's taking it in so it fits better," Julia smiled.
Avery was thinking. "Last year... let's see... you were..."
"Oh, my God!" Chelsea shouted. "You were The Black Swan last year!"
Julia smiled and nodded.
"So, you're wearing the whole elaborate tutu with the feathers and everything?" Avery was laughing out loud. I nodded. I truth was, for the last six years or so, I'd always worn Julia's costume from the previous year. It served a couple of purposes. I didn't have to shop for a costume - which I hated doing, and Julia would always spend way too much for her costumes, so this would help to justify that expense since the costumes got used for two years instead of one.
Another reason, and one I wasn't really willing to discuss, was that I truly enjoyed getting dressed up in the fancy dresses she bought. When I saw the Black Swan dress from last year, my heart leapt at the prospect of wearing it in just twelve months' time. Now, that time had come.
"Oh, you're going to attract a lot of attention in that costume!" Chelsea laughed and clapped her hands. "You'll be the talk of the campus the morning after the party!"
"That is my goal," I laughed.
I glanced at the clock and saw that it was getting late. On Sundays, my mother and Aunt Ann worked. Aunt Mary didn't cook - well, sometimes she did, but we didn't want her to. So, on Sundays we always did take out and one of us 'kids' always sprang for dinner.
"Hey, it's nearly four thirty," I pointed out. "Who's in charge of dinner tonight?"
"You are," my sister and cousins all said in unison.
"Are you sure," I asked, a bit incredulous. "I think I paid two weeks ago."
"That was four weeks ago," Julia pointed out. "Last week Avery got Thai, two weeks ago Chelsea got Korean barbecue, three weeks ago I got Pho and a month ago you got pizza."
"Ok," I surrendered and stood. "I'll go to The Jade and get a couple of pu pu platters, ok?"
Everyone nodded.
I called in the order and went out to the garage and got my bike. We had a car that we share between the four of us, but gas prices being what they were, we used our bikes as much as possible and The Jade was only about eight blocks away.
When I got to The Jade, the place was mobbed with Red Sox fans getting dinner for their home parties. When I got to the counter, my order was ready. I paid with my debit card and I was nearly out the door when a guy I recognized, but didn't really know stopped me.
"Hey, umm, you're Ronny's brother, right?" The guy said.
"Cousin," I corrected him. "We lived together, though. Sorry, I can't remember your name."
"Oh, yeah, I'm Bill. Ronny worked for my landscaping company."
I shook his hand.
"Worked?" I asked. "Did Ronny get fired?"
Bill shook his head. "No. He just stopped coming to work about ten days ago. He's not answering my calls and I have no idea if he's even alive or dead."
That really surprised me. I thought that Ronny liked his job, but even if he didn't, Bill was pretty much his oldest friend.
"Well, I can assure you he's alive," I said. "I loaned him forty dollars about three hours ago."
"No kidding?" He seemed to think for a minute. "Look... Jack, right? If you see him again, tell him to give me a call. I'm concerned. Not just about his job, you know? He did this once before and he ended up in the hospital."
"What?" This was news to me. "Why was he in the hospital?"
Bill looked at me as if he was evaluating me. "You were probably too young for your family to tell you, but... Ronny tried to kill himself back then. I don't know what's up with him right now, but I want to help him if I can."
Honestly, I felt all the blood in my body drain out of me for a minute. "Shit," I muttered.
"Yeah," the guy frowned. "I'm sorry to lay that on you, but... just try to get him to call me, ok?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Ok. Thanks for telling me."
I walked back out to my bike and just stood there for a few moments. I couldn't get my head around this. Yeah, Ronny could be an asshole, but the last thing in the world that I wanted was for anything bad to happen to him - especially something self inflicted.
I felt sick to my stomach.
I rode home and put the food on the table to the approval of the girls, but I'd lost my appetite. I excused myself and said that I just needed to get some air, so I was going to take a bike ride. The girls were suspicious, but they just told me to be careful.
I couldn't get this Ronny thing out of my head. I tried to call him, but his phone number was no longer in service. So, I rode over to the house where he rented a small apartment. He wasn't there, but his mailbox was overflowing and there was a notice from his landlord to call her ASAP, so I figured that couldn't be very good.
Like I said before, I figured he'd be at Monaghan's to watch the game, so I rode over there. I couldn't go in, of course, because I was under age, but the guy at the door was pretty nice. I'm told him I was Ronny's cousin and I was just trying to get in touch with him. The guy said that he'd seen Ronny a few nights earlier at a bar a few blocks over called 'The Right Place.' He said it was a few blocks south, but he said I probably shouldn't go looking for Ronny there.
"Why not?" I asked.
The guy shrugged. "It's not the kind of place a guy wants to run into his cousins at. If you know what I mean."
I had no idea what he meant. I did know that he ended the sentence with a preposition, which bothered, me, but I knew better than to correct him, so rather than bring that up, I headed towards 'The Right Place.'
What struck me about 'The Right Place' was the fact that is was a nice looking place. Not a seedy, old bar like Monaghan's. Again, I couldn't go in, but I pulled my bike up against the appliance store across the street and leaned against the wall and watched the clientele come and go, knowing that my chances of actually catching a glimpse of Ronny were pretty slim. I did see an awful lot of Red Sox hats and jerseys and when the game got into full swing, the place got pretty loud. Eventually, Julia called me and told me to get home before it got too dark. She was right. I didn't have light on my bike and it wasn't safe to be out too late.
When I got home, Aunt Mary was waiting with the Black Swan costume.
"Come on, string bean," my aunt said, very pleasantly, "let's try on your tutu."
"Yay!" My sister and cousins clapped.
I stripped down to my tighty-whities right there in the kitchen - there was no need for modesty. Julia and I had shared a room our whole life and Avery and Chelsea, whose room shared a door with ours, had never bothered knocking, so I'd never had any privacy at all.
I stepped into the black tutu with the large, clear stones on the front and pulled the stretchy item into position on my shoulders.
"Oh, that fits much better, Auntie," Julia said, inspecting the waistline. "It was too baggy, before."
"Just a few darts here and there and we can alter anything made for you to fit his skinny butt." She teased."
"You'll need tights, toe shoes and a headdress," Chelsea said, also inspecting.
"Just tights," Julia corrected. "I have the headdress and toe shoes. I knew he'd want to wear it. Wonder Woman will be waiting on a hanger next year, too."
Just then, my mother and our Aunt Ann entered from their jobs. "Oh, look, Ann," my mother said, sounding exhausted. "My son is wearing his tutu. Every mother's dream."
She kissed Julia's cheek and they said their hellos. Then she kissed me. "Is this for Halloween or do we need to finally have that talk?"
I shrugged. "Would it bother you if we did need to have that talk?"
She laughed, assuming I was kidding, which I was. "If we do, at least pour me a glass of Jack Daniels first."
My Aunt Ann wasn't as amused, though. "I don't find any of this funny. Just look at this, Deidra!" Deidra is my mother. "Every year, your son parades around in a dress like some sort of a fairy. I think it's absolutely disgusting!"
"Oh, stop it, Auntie," Chelsea said with a bit of anger in her voice. "First off, it's just a bit of fun. Secondly, if Jacky is having fun and isn't hurting anyone, then who cares, and finally - it's absolutely none of your business."
Before Aunt Ann could respond to that, Aunt Mary jumped into the fray. "Alright, that's enough of that, young lady. You know better than to talk to your aunt in that manner. Apologize right now."
Chelsea scowled and thought for a moment, then said, "Aunt Ann, I apologize for speaking disrespectfully."
"Thank you," Aunt Ann said, looking a bit superior, which seemed to gall Chelsea.
"However," Chelsea continued, "and I say this with all the love and respect in the world, I feel that you spoke very disrespectfully to Jack, Auntie, and I was only reacting to that, and - again, with all the love and respect in the world - I feel as if you owe Jack an apology."
I saw my mother's eyes close as if bracing for an explosion and I heard Aunt Mary sigh in frustration as the temperature in the room rose significantly.
Feeling very exposed in what should have been a fun moment, I said, "Umm.... No... that's ok. I'm good."
Then, I heard Chelsea sigh - EXACTLY THE SAME WAY HER MOTHER HAD. It was uncanny.
Aunt Mary broke the tension by saying, "Isn't it remarkable how much Jack and Avery resemble each other. It's like they could be siblings."
"It's true," my mother smiled. "I've said it about Chelsea and Julia, too. They look so much like sisters, especially now that they've grown up and their styles have become so similar."
"I don't know if our styles have become similar out of tastes or out of necessity," Chelsea joked.
"Too true," Julia laughed. "We share all of our clothes, so we kind of HAVE to like the same things."
"Oh, poor you," I said, stepping out of my tutu and pulling my jeans back on. "Do you have any idea how many times I've been in a class and realized that the polo shirt that I'm wearing buttons on the wrong side? Or the sleeves are wicked short?"
Avery laughed. "Or that time last month when you were late for work and I stopped you because the white polo you were wearing had puffy sleeves. I should have let you wear that one! That would have been a fun one to explain to your friends at Stop and Shop."
I smirked and nodded. "See. You guys have it easy."
"Well, my Ronald never had any of those problems." My Aunt Ann said with pert irritation. "Ronald is a man and he acts like one." She turned and she walked out of the room.
I noticed my mother and Aunt Mary exchange glances and shake their heads, then I saw my sister and cousins do the same and I felt bad for Ronny. Yeah, there was no doubt that he was a jerk - even an asshole at times, but he was my cousin and I didn't want anything bad to happen to him. The problem was that I knew that if I told my mom or any of the girls, they'd say that I needed to keep my distance. That I was too young and Ronny needed to find his own way, and that might be true, but... I wasn't going to do that, so... I guess I wasn't going to discuss it with them.
Monday and Tuesday were taken up with school and work. I did try to touch base with Ronny's friends, but no one had heard from him. I dropped by his apartment both days, but no sign of him.
On Wednesday, I threw my bike onto the bike rack on the back of our shared car and told the girls I'd be riding home. I liked to go for bike rides every now and then, so they accepted that without explanation.
After my last class, rode over to Ronny's apartment and found that he had picked up his mail and his landlord said that he'd made a partial payment on his back rent - good news, right?
I rode to where his friend Bill parked all of his landscaping trucks and asked some of the guys if anyone had seen Ronny, but no one had.
It was still a little early for the bars, only five thirty, but I didn't know where else to look, so I headed over to Monaghan's.
The same guy was working the door and he seemed to remember me.
"Ronny's cousin, right?" He smiled and pointed at me.
"Right," I smiled back. "Have you seen him?"
"Nope? Hasn't been here at all," he smiled.
I nodded. "I looked at that other bar you suggested - The Right Place. No luck there, either."
The guy put his hand on my shoulder and looked me right in the eye. "What's your name, kid."
"Jack."
"Look, Jack. I know you're worried about Ron, and there may be good reason for it, but... sometimes people change and it happens pretty quickly, if you know what I mean."
I just stared at him. I had no idea what he meant.
"Ronny's going through some stuff right now, Jack. I think you need to just let him go through it."
I shook my head. "I don't think I can. I mean - I grew up across the hall from him. I'm supposed to be there for him, aren't I? If he's going through stuff, he needs family, doesn't he? I need to find him. If for no other reason than to make sure he's ok."
The big guy nodded. "Ok, Jack, but be ready to take a step back if you have to."
What the heck did that mean? "Yeah, ok. Thanks."
I took that as my cue to leave and I headed down to the canal district and the more posh area where The Right Place was located.
Again, I took up residence against the building across the street and I waited for awhile as the 'after office hours' crowd filed in. They didn't seem like Ronny's crew to me. The women, and there were a lot more women then men, were all very well dressed in office attire. The men all wore suits, or at least sports coats.
I was just about to leave, assuming that the information I'd been given was wrong, when a group of people came around the corner and someone in the group said something along the lines of, "Oh, shit," or something like that and the group all kind of circled around her to help out. I didn't pay a lot of attention, though. I went back to looking at the door to the bar across the street.
That is, until someone was suddenly standing in front of me, blocking my view of The Right Place.
"What are you doing here?" The stranger asked, angrily.
"What?" I was startled, but not overly intimidated. The stranger was a woman. She was bigger than me and probably a bit broader, but a woman, nonetheless.
"I asked you what you are doing here."
I looked around trying to figure out what gave this person her authority. "I... I'm waiting for somebody, if you must know. Why?"
"Well, she doesn't want to see you, so get on your bike and head on home."
Now, I was thoroughly confused. "Look, ma'am, I don't know you and I don't know what you think is going on, but the person I'm waiting for is not a 'she' and this is none of your business, so... if you don't mind..."
There was something very odd about this woman and suddenly I became very aware of what that was because she leaned in and spoke very menacingly and in a much lower and more manly voice. "Listen, kid, Ronny doesn't want to see you. Go home."
That got my attention and I stood up straighter. "Is Ronny with you? Is he ok?"
"Yeah. Ronny is with me. She's fine. Go home."
"She? What are you talking about? Where is he?"
I started to move towards the group of people from where this stranger had come, but the stranger suddenly slammed her arm straight out into the wall of the building behind my back. "Look, kid... I've asked you nicely to just go home. Now, go home."
I stopped and looked her in the face. "You haven't ASKED me anything and you haven't been NICE at all. You've been rude and ordered me to leave. Now, let me tell you why I'm here. Ronny is my cousin. We were raised in the same house - just like brothers." That actually felt a little weird to say, but it was kind of true. "Sunday afternoon, I loaned him money - then I found out he quit his job, hadn't paid his rent, none of his friends have seen him weeks and he has a history of depression and suicide attempts. So, I've spent the last few days riding my bike all over this damned city looking for my cousin to make sure he's alive, reasonably sober, has a place to live, has food and isn't going to kill himself. So, I'll say this as nicely as I can - I don't really give a shit what you want me to do. If Ronny is with you, I want to talk to him to make sure he's ok."
That seemed to make the stranger back off a little. She pulled her arm back and relaxed her stance. Then she nodded and her woman's voice returned. "Yeah... ok. Wait here a minute."
She returned to her group for a minute and talked to them for a pretty long time before walking back towards me with another woman with her. This woman was a little stockier, a bit more obviously a man in transition, but still a well dressed woman. As they got close, the stranger stopped and the stockier woman stepped closer and that's when I recognized her, but I knew enough not to react to how he looked other than to say, "Hi, Ron."
"Hi, Jack," he said, and it was obvious that he was very uncomfortable with the situation.
"You look really good," I said, not certain of the protocol.
"Yeah, yeah, fuck you," he said, shocking me. "Go ahead and laugh if you want."
"Why would I laugh. I mean it. You look good." He was wearing what I would call standard office attire for a woman. A kind of short sleeved, dark blue sheath dress that reached his knees with a necklace and sensible heels, a passable, bob-style wig and simple makeup. The simplicity of the look is what made it so that you probably wouldn't look twice at him and question whether or not he was a woman. He wasn't pretty, nor was he homely.
He shook his head. "So now what? Are you going to run home and tell everyone that cousin Ronny is a fairy? Tell my mom? Is that it, Jack?"
"Look, Ronny, I ran into Bill on Sunday and heard you quit your job. Then I heard you hadn't been to your apartment in weeks and I was worried. That's all. I just wanted to be sure you're ok. Are you?"
"I'm fine."
"Ok, then." I thought for a moment. "Do you have a place to stay?"
He nodded.
"Food?"
He nodded.
"You know... you CAN come home. Everyone will understand if you talk to them."
He guffawed. "Yeah. Sure they would. I can just hear them laughing when you tell them."
I shrugged. "I'm not telling them anything, Ronny. I'll help you tell them if you want to, though."
Another guffaw. "You're a real piece of work Jacky. You're in and out of dresses every Halloween and everyone thinks you're adorable. I'm not you, though, Jack. I'm not the cute, little baby of the family. I'm Ronny. The asshole of the family."
I didn't say anything for a moment.
"Do you have a job?" I asked.
"I do. I just started this week, and thanks for not arguing about me being an asshole."
I ignored that. "What about your phone? What if your mom wants to reach you?"
He shrugged. "Yeah. I don't know when I'll be able to get that reconnected. I owe like two hundred to them, but I need to payoff my rent at my old place so I can get my stuff out there first. I'll get it all dealt with eventually."
I pulled an envelope out of my pocket. "Look, Ronny, this five hundred and sixty dollars. It's my paycheck from this week. It's not a loan. I don't want you to pay me back. It's just to help you get through this. If I'd found you drunk in a gutter, I'd have used it to get you help at a clinic or something, but since you seem to be ok, then... use it to get your phone working and... whatever... but get your phone on and call me to let me know it's on. I don't want Auntie Ann crying because she's worried that you're hurt or... worse. Alright?"
He looked at the envelope and shook his head. "I... I can't take that Jack."
"Yes, you can Ron. I went to a lot of trouble to find you and I am not going to leave with this in my pocket. I want to know that you're ok and - well, to tell you the truth, you're being really selfish right now. Not this new identity thing. You're entitled to that, but, shit, Ronny, you make caring about you fucking hard at the best of times and now I have to spend all of my spare time acting like a detective, running all over the city looking for you and wondering if you've hurt yourself or something. Then I find you here looking all shiny and pretty... I'm happy for you, I really am, but... come on... take the money and help me make it easier to find you, ok?"
Finally, he smiled. Then, he hugged me and, just as he had on Sunday, he kissed my cheek, but this time it wasn't creepy. "Thanks, Jacky. My phone will be on in an hour. I promise. I'll call you."
"Thanks, Ronny. Call Auntie Ann, soon, too, ok?"
He winked and took the envelope. "Promise." He turned to walk away, but stopped. "Hey, Jacky... thanks for all of this, but... I don't know how much I'm going to be around the family for a while."
I nodded. "Ok."
I felt better having touched base with Ronny and when I got home, I wanted so badly to tell Julia what I'd found out, but I kept my promise and bit my tongue.
It was just about an hour later that I got a text from Ronny. SERVICE BACK ON. THANKS, JACK.
I was disappointed that Auntie Ann's phone didn't ring until the next morning, though, but when it did, she seemed really happy. Later, at dinner, she was gushing about her conversation.
"...and Ronny has a new job. He's working in an office. I'm not quite sure what he's doing, but he says the pay is much better and he's learning new skills. And he says he got his GED last month. I couldn't believe that! Lord, getting that boy to go to school was a nightmare! He says that he's staying with new friends, too, because the commute to his new job from his old place is just too far. So, he'll be staying there until he gets a car of his own. Wouldn't that be nice for him?"
"Yes, it would," my mother said, but she said it with a dismissive smirk.
"I'm glad that Ron has a good job," Aunt Mary smiled. "This sounds like a turning point for him. Next time you speak to him, wish him luck from me."
"From all of us, too," I added, which earned me a kick under the table. I think it came from Avery, but it could have come from any of them.
"I certainly will tell him," Aunt Ann said with a big smile.
As Halloween approached I got excited about my Black Swan costume. I went to a dance store with Julia and I got a pair of tights to wear on that night and I got excited just thinking about trying them on.
So, you might be wondering wondering about me at this point, right? Was I gay? Straight? Trans? Cis?
Honestly - I had no idea.
I mean, I liked girls, but I had no real interest in dating. Maybe it's the onslaught of female hormones at home, but I just wan not that interested in getting involved with more female entanglements than necessary.
I've never REALLY been all that interested in guys, but I always figured that if I woke up and found Tom Holland in my bed, I probably wouldn't kick him out, HOWEVER I'd be happier if I found Millie Bobby Brown there. Does that clear things up? Probably not, but I guess I was a little confused, but I wasn't really concerned about it.
Actually, none of us really dated much. Avery and Chelsea had high school boyfriends, but I think that was more of a social-standing thing than anything else. Julia dated a guy named Otto for most of senior year, but they broke up right after senior prom. I went to prom with a friend named Aphia who'd arrived from Ghana near the end of junior year. We'd agreed not to wear the traditional tuxedo and gown, but rather to wear things from our closet. I showed up in a too small sports coat, a checked shirt, bow tie, suspenders, corduroy pants that barely reached my ankles, high top sneakers and a pork-pie hat. Aphia wore a yellow tribal print dress that she wore to church on Sunday mornings that made her look like an African goddess. I felt like an idiot, but she said that I looked exactly as she'd expected me to look, which I never quite knew how to take.
So, the party at our college was the Friday night before Halloween. The previous Saturday, while our mom and aunts were all out, we began preparing all of our costumes. Julia, of course, was Wonder Woman and my cousins worked to design her makeup to make her look as much like Gal Gadot as possible. Avery was going as Sally from 'The Nightmare Before Christmas,' so they worked out all of the scar makeup and how to make her fairly narrow face look round. Like me, Avery was slender, so Sally's body was now big challenge. Chelsea was going as Black Widow, complete with the form fitting leather costume and the red wig. She looked surprisingly great when they were done with her.
Then it was my turn.
Now, my hair was pretty long already, but it didn't have a lot of fullness, so they used a thing called a 'bun ring' to shape my hair into a thick dancer's bun on the top of my head. They used about a zillion hairpins to hold it in place, too.
Then came the makeup
If you recall the movie 'Black Swan,' at the end, the dancer wears the black tutu with pale white makeup and feathery black makeup around her eyes. It's really cool and Avery and Chelsea had already done it for Julia last year, so you'd assume that it would be a quick, slam dunk procedure for me, right.
Hardly.
It took HOURS! They put the makeup on me. They compared my face to pictures of Natalie Portman from the film. They showed me how I looked in the mirror and pointed out the flaws. They took the makeup off me. They put the makeup on me. They compared my face to pictures of Natalie Portman from the film. They showed me how I looked in the mirror and pointed out the flaws. They took the makeup off me. Etcetera.
On and on it went the entire Saturday afternoon, until finally, at about four thirty in the afternoon, they declared that they had gotten everything perfect! Then, they went to work on me AGAIN! This time, when they let me look at myself in the mirror, I laughed because I didn't look like Natalie Portman in 'Black Swan.' I looked like my cousin Avery when she went out for the evening.
"Ok, very funny," I said as they all giggled.
"Mom and Aunt Mary are always saying that you look more like Avery than you look like me," Julia laughed. "We just wanted to see if they were right."
"And they were," Chelsea said with a big, broad smile.
Avery put her arm around my shoulder and she smiled at our reflection in the mirror. "Don't we make a pretty pair, Jacky?"
I laughed along with them. "Ok, ok, we've all had a good laugh, now, let me wash this off."
"Are you crazy?" Avery asked, seemingly astounded. "Now that you're all prettied up, you're going out to dinner with us."
I laughed for a moment, but then I realized she was serious. I glanced at Julia and Chelsea and their smiles told me that they were serious, as well.
"Oh, come on, guys. I can't go out with my face done up like this. I'd look foolish."
"You're absolutely right," Chelsea said.
"And that's why you'll be wearing one of Avery's dresses to match your makeup," Julia smiled.
"Oh, Geez, guys, I don't know about that," well, that's what I said, but to be honest, the idea of going out dressed as a girl was pretty exciting. "What if we see someone we know."
The three of them just smiled like it was no big deal.
"Look in the mirror, Jacky." Avery smirked. "You don't look like yourself at all. No one will recognize you. Besides, we're just going to the McGill's. It's a family place. It's not the kind of place that our friends go."
"Come on, Jacky," Julia nudged me. "It'll be fun. You're always a good sport."
I shrugged. 'Ok. I'll do it."
"Good," Chelsea said. "We figured you would. That's why we got you some panties." She smiled as she held up a pair of fairly plain, baby blue, nylon panties. I had seen enough panties in the laundry to know that these were boy short panties and I could see that they had just a little lace around the waist and leg openings.
Subtle, but pretty... and kind of exciting.
"Put them on, Jacky," Julia said, with a giggle. "You'll have a little more fun than usual this Halloween."
Because I was stripping all the way down this time, I stepped into bathroom and changed into the panties. It certainly wasn't the fist time I'd worn panties, but it was the fist time I'd worn them for such a clandestine reason and and that made it more thrilling than before.
I stepped back into the room saying, "All set," only to be met with Avery bursting into laughter and shouting.
"Oh, my God!"
That made the other two turn and they both burst out laughing as well.
"What?" I asked.
"Oh, for crying out loud, Jack, tuck that thing away!" Chelsea said through howls of laughter.
I looked down and realized that I was far beyond 'tenting' the panties. I was being down right rude. "Oh, shoot!" I sputtered and turned my back and I tried to tuck myself down between my legs, but I was so stiff that it just wouldn't cooperate.
"Come on, Jacky," Avery said. "We don't have all night."
"I'm trying."
"Do you need a few minutes alone in the bathroom?" Chelsea asked, and to tell you the truth, that question didn't really make a lot of sense to me.
Maybe it was just the sheer embarrassment of the situation, but I softened up quickly enough that I could finally tuck myself into the gusset of the panties. I turned around and said, "All set."
"Oh, good," Chelsea smiled. "I honestly thought you were going to have to go deal with that."
"Let me help you with your bra," Julia said as she helped me get the item onto my arms.
"How else would I have dealt with it than tucking it in?" I asked.
Julia kept right on working, but Avery and Chelsea both came to a dead stop and looked at me. "You're kidding, right?" Chelsea asked.
"What?" I said, still confused.
"Come on, guys," Julia said, fastening the bra. "Let's just get ready to go."
"No, no, wait," Avery looked concerned. "Jack... you've masturbated before, haven't you?"
I looked around at them, feeling very on the spot and very embarrassed. "Masturbated? Like... jerked off?"
"Yeah?" Avery nodded.
"Well... no," I admitted. In fact, I really only knew the term 'jerking off' from other kids at school. I mean I knew ABOUT masturbation, I'd just never done it because... well, that will become clear in a bit.
"Oh my God, how is that possible?" Chelsea asked, astounded. "Jack, you're nineteen? You should have been whacking yourself blind for six or seven years by now!"
"You obviously get stiff, Jacky, have you ever had a wet dream?" Avery asked.
"Come on," Julia said, sounding miffed. "Leave him alone. He's just inexperienced."
"Inexperienced? Julia, this is not natural!" Chelsea said, and that hit me a little hard.
"Hey, you know what else isn't natural?" I finally defended myself. "Being a nineteen year old guy and sharing the same room with your twin sister and having that room share a door with your two female cousins and my mother and my two aunts are all sleeping just a few feet away from me and this house is NEVER empty and in nineteen years I have NEVER ONCE slept anywhere but in that bedroom surrounded by women that I love and respect, and some of those women are now ridiculing me."
"Ummm... Jacky..." Avery started saying, but I was really hurt.
"You know what?" I reached behind me and undid the bra hooks. "Screw this. I'm not going to go out like this. I think I've been emasculated enough today."
"Oh, come on, Jacky," Chelsea said, as if I was overreacting.
"Come on? You know what? I know I'm not like some kind of a macho guy or anything, but I treat you and your mother and my mother and Aunt Ann with a lot of respect. I'm not like a lot of other guys - like most other guys. I wouldn't lay there in the dark and defile myself with you and my mom and my aunts within ear shot. So... go ahead and make fun of me if you want. I'm going to go shower."
I turned to walk out of the room, but Julia stopped me with a hug.
"Come on, Jacky. Nobody meant to make you feel bad. They just weren't thinking."
"Yeah, Jack. We're sorry," Avery said.
"Yeah, Jacky," Chelsea joined. "Really. I'm sorry. You're right I was being a jerk." Then she let out a little snicker. "If you think about it, I was being like a female Ronny."
That kind of set me off again. "Hey, you know, what, leave Ronny out of this, ok? He's got his own shit to deal with and I think HE might actually have understood why I never touched myself."
That seemed to really surprise everyone, including Julia.
"Ok. Ok." Chelsea said, holding her hands up in front of her, as if holding off an attack. "I'm sorry about that, too, then, but..."
"But what?" I asked, still fired up.
"Nothing," Chelsea backed down. "It's just that Ronny probably wouldn't understand, Jacky. That's all."
That confused me and I was going to snap back at her, but I was interrupted.
"Come on, everyone," Julia finally intervened to calm things down. "Girls, go get ready. Jack, let me get you dressed."
"I don't know, Jules. I'm not really in the mood, now."
"I know, but I know that you'll have fun. Come on. You always get a kick out of dressing up for Halloween. This is like an extension of that. A night to see the world like a real girl. It'll be fun. Avery picked out a nice dress for you. Your hair and makeup are already done. Please. Do it for me. I need a night out and I'll me miserable if I know that you're at home sulking."
So, as angry as I'd just been, I still really wanted to take advantage of this opportunity to go out dressed as a girl. "Alright," I said, after much mock deliberation, "but I want to be treated well. I don't want anyone teasing me and no one giving hints to the wait staff about me being a guy or anything like that."
My sister kissed my cheek. "Nothing like that, I promise."
We were all dressed nicely. Chelsea was the only one in slacks, but they were very feminine, with wide legs, and her silk blouse was stunning and showed off her assets. Julia's dress did the same, it also barely covered her rump, and if my mother had seen it, she would have had a conniption. Avery's dress was tight in the breast department to show off her modest cleavage, and then continued to cling to her right down to her mid-thigh, showing off her shapely hips.
I lacked both breasts and hips, although the bra they'd gotten me did provide ample padding to make anyone believe that I did have a small set of breasts - slightly less impressive than Avery's 'B' cups. The dress Avery had chosen was very pretty, though. It was a pretty brown - I know that sounds odd, but it really was both pretty and brown - with tiny white polka dots. A very modest 'V' neck, kind of a floppy shape, overall, bell sleeves that reached to just past my elbows, a ruffle at the waist that also had a very weak elastic that gave the dress some shape, but didn't bring the dress even close to my body and then a ruffle about three inches from the hem which sat just above my knees. Since my legs were, for the most part, hairless, I didn't have to shave to go sit in a dim restaurant.
Julia put some clear nail gloss on my finger and toe nails and I wore a pair of cloth-top sandals, and since it was a warm October evening, we headed out the door without jackets.
McGill's is a nice family place where you'd expect to go for your birthday or something like that. Not someplace you'd go with your friends. Home cooked food at a good price. We arrived and were seated pretty quickly for a Saturday night and the waitress took our drink orders - Chelsea and Avery got apple-tinis and Julia and I, being underage, got Cokes.
When the drinks arrived, we ordered our meals and were just starting to chat when I spotted someone I recognized walking toward our table and I thought I was going to die. I didn't know her well, and I didn't know her name, but I definitely recognized her from campus. She was a startlingly pretty girl. Mocha colored skin and long, straight hair. I assumed she of Indian heritage, but found out later that her family was from Nepal.
When she stopped at our table, I nearly wet my panties, but I breathed a sign of relief when she spoke to Julia instead of me.
"Hi, Julia!" The girl gushed as she gave my sister a hug. "I didn't expect to run into you here."
"Hi, Ria," Julia said in reply. "I'm just out for a quick meal with my cousins. This is Chelsea, Avery and Jacky." I smiled and nodded, but wanted to kill Julia for using my real name. Of course, I did know plenty of Jaquelines who went by Jakki, but still... I was going to see this beautiful girl on campus. What if she put two and two together!?
"Nice to meet you all," Ria smiled. "I'm here with my family. It's my grandmother's birthday. Hey - I don't want to interrupt your evening, but did you get all that stuff we needed to do for the literature homework? I mean, I get the basic idea, the town is the narrator and all that, but the questions that Professor Crenshaw posted online were so involved... I really don't think I'm coming close to answering them the way she wants. Do you think we could maybe FaceTime tomorrow or something to talk about it?"
"I was having problems with that, too, but my brother has Crenshaw a different period and he understands it much better than I do."
She looked at me. She actually looked at me, expecting me to say something until Avery jumped in and said, "Hey, Ria, why don't you come over to our place tomorrow afternoon and Julia's brother," she looked at Julia and daggers came from her eyes, "JACK, will be there. I'm sure he'd be happy to help you out."
"No kidding!?" Ria seemed thrilled. "Wow! That would be great! Thanks!"
Julia seemed to come to her senses and realize that, in her casualness, she hadn't realized that I was not dressed to have a discussion with a classmate - especially one I thought was gorgeous.
"Sure, that's a great idea," Julia said. "I'll text you the address."
"So... you all live together?" Ria asked, a little surprised.
"I don't!" I offered, perhaps too quickly.
"No," Chelsea smiled and clarified. "Our cousins Jaqueline lives... umm..."
"In Utah..." Avery said, for some reason - and then for some even stranger reason added - "With the Mormons."
"Oh," Ria said, nodded.
"She goes to Brigham Young University." Avery continued for absolutely no reason.
Ria turned to Julia, but Avery was on a roll. "In Provo."
Thank goodness Chelsea grabbed Avery's hand and squeezed it, apparently pretty hard, because Avery let out a quiet 'Ouch,' while Ria said her goodbyes.
When she'd gone, I looked at my sister and said, "What is wrong with you?"
"I'm sorry. I just differed to you to answer the question. I wasn't thinking."
"And you called me Jacky!"
"Don't worry, Jack," Avery said. "I'm sure she won't remember any of our names tomorrow."
"Oh no?" I said, sarcastically. "She won't remember the bun-head girl that lives in Utah with the Mormons and goes to Brigham Young University in Provo? God, you might as well have told what street I lived on, what my major was, and what country I'd be going to for my Latter Day Saints Mission Year. What is wrong with you two?"
Chelsea was smirking and trying not to laugh as I chastised the other two while trying to keep my voice down.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
"When you get made, your voice goes up in pitch. Just like Avery's." That made the other two laugh a bit two, and I admit it cooled me off as well.
"Alright," I finally said, "but from now on, no more mistakes like that."
Dinner was very good and despite promises to the contrary, we didn't go straight home, but instead went to a movie. We went to a theater a couple towns away and we didn't run into anyone we knew, so the whole evening was a lot of fun.
Unfortunately, when we got home, there was a complication. Mom and the aunts had gotten home earlier than expected. If we'd only gone to dinner, we'd have gotten home well before them. If we'd gone to a movie close to home, we PROBABLY would have beat them by a few minutes, but as it was - they were home, they were undressed, they were in their PJs and robes and they were watching the news.
Which meant they were between any entrance and our bedrooms.
Which meant... they were going to see me.
Julia peeked in through the crack in the drapes. "Well, Aunt Ann and Aunt Mary are on the couch and mom is in the easy chair so no one is facing the kitchen. So, if we go in the back door, then I go and stand in front of the TV and tell them something about what we did tonight and you guys all hurry past, maybe they won't see Jack."
"I'll go with you, Jules," Chelsea said. "Avery, you help Jacky. Jack, when we get into the kitchen, take off your sandals. That way you can move faster and you won't make as much noise. Ok?"
I nodded.
"They're going to catch us." Avery said.
"Let's hope not," Chelsea shrugged. "Come on."
We entered the kitchen and we heard one the older women, probably Aunt Mary, call out, "Hi, kids. We're in the living room."
We all looked at each other and took a big breath, then Chelsea and Julia headed into the living room and stood right in front of the TV and began a breathless report of the evening's events.
The three older woman were focused on them, so Avery took my hand and we headed down the corridor. Avery had just turned into the bedroom when I heard Aunt Mary call, "Avery! Come here, dear."
I turned and saw that she was looking right at me, so I gave a small smile and I walked back in that direction as confidently as I could.
When they caught sight of me, Chelsea and Julia stopped speaking.
Aunt Mary smiled and touched the hem of my dress. "That's very pretty. Is it new?"
I nodded and smiled and kind of hummed my answer. "Uh huh."
She looked up at me, well mostly at my dress. "Turn around. Let me see the back."
As I turned, I heard my mother speak to Julia. "That dress is entirely too short, Julia and you know it."
"No, it isn't mom. We went to McGill's and movie. I wasn't trying to pick up a guy or anything."
Then Aunt Mary was speaking to me again. "I've never seen you wear your hair in a bun like that before, Avery. I like that. It's nice and neat. Don't you like it, Ann?" She asked her sister.
"Yes, I do." Aunt Ann agreed. "It's a very smart look for you, Avery. You should consider wearing it like that on job interviews when the time comes." I still had my back to them.
"That is an excellent idea," Aunt Mary pointed out.
"Where's your brother?" My mother asked Julia.
"Ummm..." Julia looked at me, uncertain as to what to say. I think we'd already displayed our inability to lie very well, but Chelsea thought that she'd throw her hat into the ring and gave it a shot.
"Umm... Jacky?" She called down the hall. "Jacky? Are you back there?"
There was about ten seconds of silence.
"Jacky?" Chelsea called again.
Three more seconds of silence and then Avery stepped out into the hallway, still in her tight fitting dress, with her hands held up in a 'I don't know what to do' gesture.'
"What the hell is going on?" My mother said as she jumped up out of the easy chair.
Aunt Mary jumped up as well. "Avery?" She said, questioning her eyes as she looked down the hall, then at me. "Then who is..."
"JOHN KENNEDY RICHARDS WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" My mother shouted my full name. This was serious. She hadn't done that since I'd accidentally broken an expensive vase when I was eleven.
"Mom, don't get made at Jack. It was our idea and it was just for fun." Julia suddenly became my defense attorney.
"THIS is Jack!?" Aunt Mary said, astounded.
"I told you to take a firmer hand with that boy," Aunt Ann was saying from her perch on the couch, her head shaking from side to side in judgement of my sexuality.
"Really, Aunty, it was just for a fun night out," Chelsea tried to calm my mother down.
"Avery, he's not wearing your underwear, is he?" Aunt Mary was very concerned all of a sudden.
The volume of the cacophony rose, I finally heard enough and headed for my room.
"And just WHERE do you think you're going?" I heard my mother shout and the room became quiet.
I turned and stood straight. "I am going to shower and I am going to bed."
"No you are not. We are going to talk about this right now."
I sighed. "Mom... I love you, but I'm tired and you're being irrational. I am very willing to talk to you about this. I am even very willing to talk to the entire family about this, but I am not willing to talk to anybody about this right now. Right now, I am taking off my dress, my bra, my panties and my makeup, I am taking my hair out of this bun and I am taking a shower. Then I am crawling into bed and going to sleep. Just so you all know, Julia invited a classmate over tomorrow afternoon so that I could help her with her literature work. Other than that, I am available to discuss how much I disgust and disappoint each and everyone of you at any point tomorrow. Until then, though - I am not interested in discussing anything. Good night."
I had never spoken to anyone, let alone my mother or my aunts that way before and the look on their faces indicated that they could not believe that I had spoken to them that way then. The last thing I heard as my door closed was my mother's voice saying, "Well, that's all well and good, but rest assured, young man, that this WILL BE DISCUSSED!"
To Be Continued...
The Good Son - 2
Author:
Audience Rating:
Publication:
Genre:
Character Age:
Taxonomy upgrade extras:
Permission:
This is Rated R.
Age College Twenties.
As Jack tells his story, you'll see what I mean.
Author's Note: I love to read comments, pro and con, but I'd also just love for you to check in and let me know that you're doing ok. ~Clara.
This version of The Good Son: 2 has been updated with many corrections towards spelling and grammar.~Sephrena.
Image Credit: Image created through the use of ai at https://perchance.org/beautiful-people .~Sephrena.
Chapter 2
I had never spoken to anyone, let alone my mother or my aunts that way before and the look on their faces indicated that they could not believe that I had spoken to them that way then. The last thing I heard as my door closed was my mother's voice saying, "Well, that's all well and good, but rest assured, young man, that this WILL BE DISCUSSED!"
When I emerged from the shower in my tee shirt and gym shorts, my sister and cousins were waiting to talk to me, but I just asked them to please give me the rest of the night off and I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head where I remained until morning, even though I didn't sleep a wink.
I got up early and decided to go to church, something I used to do regularly, but had strayed from doing regularly in recent years. Not for any particular reason, I just had drifted off. I still went now and then, though. I found that the ritual of a Catholic Mass could be very cathartic and I do have a certain level of belief. So, I still go to Mass every now and then.
It's a short walk to my church, two blocks over, one block down. I got there early for the eight o'clock Mass, knelt down, said a couple of prayers and sat back to listen to organist playing some quiet music. I was just meditating like that for a few minutes when someone stepped into the pew behind me and knelt down. Their hands extended into my pew, of course, but I paid no real attention until, after a minute or so, I heard my Aunt Mary whisper, "I'm sure if you'd asked nicely, Avery would have loaned you something nice to wear to church."
I didn't say anything, I just sighed to indicate my displeasure.
"Move over, I'm going to sit with you," she whispered as she stood up.
"I'd rather you didn't," I whispered back.
"I really don't care," she whispered again as she moved in beside me, forcing me to slide down to make room.
We sat in silence for just a few moments before Aunt Mary whispered. "I sincerely hope that you are not here to confess sins that you committed while you were out with the girls last night."
"Come on, auntie, lay off, please," I whispered back.
She was only quiet for a few moments before, "You know, your mother was more surprised than angry last night."
"That's not how she sounded. You all sounded pretty mad."
She chuckled a bit. "Actually, I think I was probably more impressed than anything else. I really did think you were my own daughter until Avery came out of the bedroom. Of course I had had a few glasses of wine, and I was looking more at the dress than your face, but you actually looked just like Avery. After you went to bed, even your mother admitted as much. Of course, she'd had a few glasses of wine, too."
"How about Aunt Ann?" I asked.
She shrugged and whispered. "Ann's a mean drunk, Jacky, and she'd had a few BOTTLES of wine, so... she didn't have anything nice to say for a couple of hours before you got home. There's a lot going on between your mom and Aunt Ann, Jacky. You don't need to get involved there."
I nodded. That wasn't surprising, but it did concern me. After all, at some point, my Aunt Ann and Ronny would need to come to terms with things and I was pretty sure that Aunt Ann wasn't going to make it easy for Ronny.
Father Sullivan gave a nice sermon and Mass was over at eight fifty five. Aunt Mary and I walked out of the church together and we both said good morning to the priest before I turned to my aunt and said, "Well, I guess I'll see you at home. I'd rather walk."
"What a coincidence," she smiled. "So would I."
"You didn't drive here?" I asked.
She shook her head.
I was hoping that she might let me have a little time to myself. "I wasn't planning on going straight home, actually. I was thinking of going to Dunkin's and getting a 'Box o' Joe' and a dozen donuts and bringing them back for everyone."
She smirked. "Kind of oiling the gears, huh?"
I shrugged.
"In that case, I'd suggest going the extra block and getting the donuts at Kruger's Bakery. They're much better there."
"Ok," I agreed, "but I can't get the box of coffee there."
"You can make two stops. Come on, Jack. Let's get going."
"You're coming with me?"
She linked her arm through mine. "John, my boy, I am. There are three old ladies living in that house and of those three, I am the only friend you have. So, let's walk and let's talk."
We headed down the street towards Dunkin's and after about a half block, Aunt Mary asked, "So, is this a life style change, or sex choice, or what?"
"It was a night of fun, Auntie. That's all it was."
"I've never heard of a boy having that kind of fun before, Jack."
I shook my head. "Things are different today, Auntie."
"This wasn't your idea, was it, Jacky. The girls put you up to it, didn't they?"
I sighed. "It was their idea, yeah, but I went along with it."
"Of course you did, Jacky. You always went along with anything they wanted you to do."
"Ok, that's true, but... I had a good time, too, Auntie. It was fun to get dressed up and be someone else for the night."
"To be a girl."
I shrugged. "I guess."
"Is that what you want?"
"I don't think so. Not full time, anyway, but," I stopped, because I thought about Ronny, "if I did, would that be so bad?"
She stopped walking and looked at me. "Jack... just remember that I love you and so does your sister and your cousin. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing."
"And my mother?"
"Your mother will always love you, Jacky, but... she's not big on the idea of her son becoming her daughter. 'What would the neighbors say?' and all that, you know. We 'lace curtains Irish' ladies, we have to keep up appearances, you know."
"You're not serious, are you?" I asked.
She shrugged.
"And Aunt Ann?"
She shrugged. "I can't speak for my sister Ann. She's a creature unto herself. Annie's husband put her through hell, Jacky and that left some scars. A lot of that bled over onto Ronny, too. Don't worry about Ann, though. Just be who you need to be."
"Ok, auntie," I chuckled. "Thanks."
We got home with the donuts and coffee just as the house was coming to life. My cousins and Julia seemed grateful. Aunt Ann poured a cup of coffee and complained that I had gotten no crullers. I'd never seen my aunt eat a cruller, but apparently, that morning, she craved a cruller.
My mother was the last to rise. She was surprised to hear that I'd gone to church.
"You went to church with your aunt?" She asked me, after speaking to her sister, briefly.
"No," I corrected her, "I was at church and she came and sat next to me."
"The truth is, I followed him," my aunt admitted what I had suspected. "Come on, Deidra. You were pretty hard on him last night. I was afraid he might hurt himself. I just followed him to make sure he wasn't going to do anything foolish."
"Like put on another dress," Aunt Ann sniped.
"Annie," Aunt Mary said in a firm, but hushed voice, "you and I both know how foolish a boy can get when he's upset. That's what I meant."
"We're not going to have any more of that nonsense in this house, are we, Jack?" My mother said, matter of factly, as if we'd already had our discussion. "I don't want the neighbors wondering what kinds of things are going on in this house."
'Mom, it's not a crime for a boy to go out in a dress," Julia jumped in.
"Yeah, auntie," Avery laughed, "it's the twenty first century. It's really not all that unusual."
When my sister and cousins leapt to my defense, my mother asked if she and I could have a few minutes alone. When they'd gone she she said, "I was pretty surprised to see you dressed like that last night."
'I know. I guess I should apologize, but I don't really feel like I did anything wrong, mom. It was just some harmless fun."
"And yet you felt the need to go to church this morning?"
I sipped my coffee. "I go to church a lot without you knowing, mom. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, either."
"No, I suppose not." She stirred her coffee and looked at the table for a long time. "Are you gay, Jack?"
I shrugged. "I don't know, mom, are you?"
"I'm serious. You never date. I only ever see you with your sister and your cousins. It's a fair question. Are you gay?"
"I'm serious, too, mom. You never date. I only ever see you..."
"Alright, that's enough," she snapped at me. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you."
"I'm trying to give you a serious answer, mom. I don't know. I like girls. I like them a lot. Why don't I date them? I really don't know. I don't like guys much. I don't enjoy their company and I don't like the way they treat each other as a rule, but every now and then one of them catches my eye and I wonder if I am attracted to them or not. So, maybe I was being a little flippant before, but I am being very serious now. I don't really know what I am - sexually, I mean."
She nodded. "Ok. Thank you, Jack. I appreciate your honesty."
She sipped her coffee a bit, then said, "May I ask a favor?"
"I guess."
"I know that this thing last night wasn't your idea, but... just don't go out in drag again."
"Mom, I wasn't in drag. Drag is a whole different thing."
She held up her hands to stop me. "Just don't go out as a girl again, John, alright?" She was getting angry. "God almighty, don't you realize that something could happen to you?"
"Mom, nothing's going to happen..."
"Ok, nothing's going to happen, but... please... just don't do it. Ok? I know Halloween is like a big night for this kind of thing so I'll look the other way for Halloween, but other than that... just don't. Not while you're living here. Ok?"
I nodded, frustrated, but not seeing anything to be gained by arguing. "Ok."
"Alright." She stood and kissed the top of my head. "I guess we've said enough about that, then. Thank you for the donuts. They're very good. Kruger's?"
"Yeah."
"Good choice." My mother took a nibble, the kissed the side of my head. "You're a good kid, Jack, but you're giving me gray hair."
"That's ok," I called after her as she walked out the door, "I know the name of your hair color"
The last thing I said to her before she disappeared down the hall was to remind her that it wasn't very nice to flip off your child.
Ria arrived around one that afternoon. Julia and I had our work spread out on the kitchen table and were well into our routine when she arrived. My sister made a show of introducing me to her friend as if we'd never met.
"Wow, you look a lot like two of your cousins," Ria said, inspecting my face.
"Do I?" I asked as innocently as I could manage.
"Yeah, I ran into Julia and some of your cousins at McGill's last night. One looked just like Julia. The other two looked just like you. There are some pretty strong genes in your family."
"I guess," I laughed.
"So, who's older? You or Julia?" Kia asked as she pulled out her books.
"I'm older buy twenty six minutes," Julia said. "Jack is the baby of the family."
"Oh, my God, you're twins? But you don't look a like. You both look like you're twins with your cousins. That's so weird."
"And it is the topic of constant conversation in this house," Julia laughed.
Finally settled, Ria thanked me for making time in my Sunday afternoon to help her. "Ok, let me start by saying that I just don't get this Faulkner guy," Ria began. "I find him just as boring and pointless as Tennessee Williams."
I stared at her for a moment and then let out a long breath. "Alright well, let's start with the concept of 'the great lost cause.' Are you familiar with that?"
"No," Ria said.
Julia laughed. "This is going to be a long afternoon."
"I'll be brief." I assured her. "So, after the Civil War, a whole philosophy of writing arose that put aside the fact that the Civil War was to defend the benefits of slavery, but instead was to defend a mythical way of life in which the kind white plantation owners took care of their grateful slaves - like in 'Gone With The Wind,' or 'Song Of The South.' Probably the most egregious example of this was a novel called 'The Clansman' that eventually became a film called 'Birth Of A Nation.' A lot of people saw that film as the thing that responsible for the resurgence of the Klu Klux Klan at the beginning of the twentieth century."
Kia looked at me confused. "What does all of that have to do with writers like Williams and Faulkner?"
"Well, see, Williams and Faulkner could see that this 'Glorious Lost Cause' movement was about a veneer and that there was a subculture beneath that in which people like Emily in this story behaved as if they were better than everyone else because their family had once been land owners. See in 'A Rose For Emily' the town is the narrator, but the town is reflecting the attitudes of the people in the town and..."
I probably didn't stop talking for an hour or so, but when I finally had, Ria understood the story and I think she had at least an slight appreciation for Faulkner and his contemporaries.
"I guess it's my turn to buy supper," Avery said, bursting into the kitchen. "I'm getting pizza. Oh, hi." She added the last part when she saw Ria sitting at the table.
"Hi," Ria smiled. "I'm Ria. We met last night. I'm sorry - Are you Avery or Jakki?"
Yeah - she'll never remember the names - Right.
"Oh, I'm Avery," my cousin smiled. "Jakki went back home."
"To Utah?"
"Utah?" Avery was confused for a moment. "Oh, yeah. To Utah. Hey - are you staying for supper? What kind of pizza do you like?"
"Actually," Ria looked at me and smiled, "I was going to offer to take Jack out for supper for helping me out with my literature class."
I looked up from my work and saw her smiling at me. So, I smiled back. "Oh, hey, that's very nice of you, but you don't need to do that. I'm happy to help you anytime at all. Really."
"Seriously," Ria insisted, "I'd really like to take you out. You know... just to say thank you."
I was still focusing on my work, though. "That's ok, Ria. You don't have to spend your money. We can just have some pizza."
"Oh... ok," Ria said, sounding deflated.
"Umm..." Julia stood and headed to the living room, "Jack, could you give me a hand for a second?"
"Ok, sure," I said.
I got up and followed her into the front room where she walloped me on the back of the head. "Ouch!" I let put. "What was that for?"
"Because you're a moron, moron. Ria's asking you out, you idiot."
"No she isn't," I laughed. "I mean a girl that pretty never would have asked me out." Then I thought for a moment. "She isn't, is she?"
"Yes, she is." Julia shook her head. "When you didn't catch on at first, she actually said, 'I'd like to take you out.' She's not even hinting, Jack. She's telling you that she wants to take you out."
"Yeah, but doesn't the guy usually take the girl out?" I asked.
"Only if the GUY is smart enough to ASK, and in this case he isn't, so Ria took the lead. Do you want to go out with her?"
"Well.. yeah, who wouldn't? She's beautiful."
"Then get back in there and tell her you'll go out with her before she leaves, you skinny dummy!"
I stood still for a second, then ran back in, to find Avery chatting with Ria.
"Oh, hey, Ria," I sputtered, "umm... if the offer is still open... then... I guess I'd love to get something to eat with you."
Her face brightened up. "Oh, yeah? That sounds great!" She shoved her laptop into her bag and grabbed her pocketbook. "Is 'The Flying Rhino' ok?"
"Sure," I shrugged. "I've never been there. Am I dressed ok?"
She smiled. "Yeah. It's like an old diner with a restaurant attached. You'll love it. Great burgers. Killer soups. Julia, I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for inviting me over. Bye."
And out the door we went.
You know, it was kind of my first real date! Ria drove and we ended up at this old renovated train-car diner with a small building attached to it. It was down in the trendy Canal District, not too far from 'The Right Place.'
The burgers were really, really good, a bit pricier than McGills, but a lot better, too, so I guess that balances things out.
We really kind of hit it off. Ria was bright and really funny. She wanted to be a teacher, too. Her mom and dad had been born in Nepal, but moved here to pursue some impressive careers. She'd been to Nepal several times to visit family. She showed me pictures on her phone. I'd never talked to anyone who'd traveled that far, before. I was captivated by her stories - ok, maybe I was captivated by her.
Regardless, I knew I wanted to see her again and I wasn't going to look like a cheapskate, so I had decided that when the bill arrived I was going to grab it and hand it right back to the waitress along with my debit card.
The problem was, no bill ever arrived.
Instead, the waitress asked if we were all done and when we said we were, she informed us that, "Your meal has been paid by that lady, over there."
I looked across the room and saw a woman wave back at me. It took me a moment to recognize her. She was Ronny.
"Do, you know that lady?" Ria asked me.
"Umm... excuse me, just a moment." I said. "I think I do."
I stood and walked over to the table where he... well, there was no denying that Ronny had improved the feminine look since we'd last been together, so 'he' no longer seemed appropriate - she sat.
"Hey, Ronny, I smiled. You look good. Really good."
She surprised me by standing and kissing my cheek very sweetly. "Hi, Jack. Who's the girl?" Her voice was passably female, too.
"Oh, umm... Ria... that's Ria."
"Ria, huh? Is she your girlfriend?" She nudged me in my ribs, a shockingly nice and un-Ronny-ish thing to do.
I must have blushed because I felt my face heat up. "No. We just met. I helped her with her literature homework. It's our first date. Oh, by the way, thanks for paying for our meal. You didn't need to do that."
"My pleasure, Jack. I owe you more than that."
"You don't owe me anything. Would you like to meet Ria?"
Ronny looked surprised. "Really? You'd like her to meet me?"
"Of course. Come on."
We walked back to the table and I did the honors. "Ria, this is my cousin, Ronnie. Ronnie, this is my friend Ria."
"Wow! More cousins!" Ria smiled and laughed.
"Oh, you've met the battalion of cousins already?" Ronny joked.
"I did," Ria smiled.
"Here," I said and pulled out a chair for Ronny. "Sit for a minute."
Again, Ronny looked surprised. "Oh, no. Thank you, though. I need to get back to my party." She looked at Ria and smiled. "You are a lovely girl, Ria. That shade of red goes so beautifully with your skin tone."
Ria glanced at her blouse, then back up at Ronny and smiled. "Why, thank you so much. That's very kind of you. I was just admiring your necklace."
That seemed to please Ronny. "I won't interfere with your evening any more than I already have. You two have a nice night. It was lovely to meet you, Ria. I hope to see you, again."
"I hope so, too, Ronny," Ria said.
"Jack, may I just speak to you for one second?"
"Oh, sure." I looked at Ria. "I'll be right back."
We just stepped a aside a few steps and Ronny spoke quietly. "Thank you, Jack. That was nice of you."
"For what."
"For treating me like regular person."
"What are talking about, Ronny?" I asked, confused. Ronny was acting nicer than he'd ever acted. Heck, I'd rather have him involved in my life now than ever before.
"Jack... not everyone is going to be so welcoming towards a trans-woman. I just... I just want you to know how much it means to me. That's all."
I took a second to process that. "So... so this is forever, Ron?"
She nodded.
"What about the family? When are you going to tell them?"
She kissed my cheek. "I don't know, Jacky. I just don't know. You understand, don't you?"
I nodded. "I guess. Whatever you want, Ronny. Call me if you need me, ok."
"Thanks, Jacky. Go back to your date. Bye bye."
"Bye, Ronny."
I watched her walk back across the room before I sat back down with Ria.
"Is everything ok?" She asked.
I nodded. "Yeah, I guess."
"Is she ok? You look concerned."
I shook off my concerned face and smiled. "Actually, she's better than she's been in years."
"Good," Ria glanced towards her. "She doesn't look like any of you, does she?"
"Umm, no... no, I guess she doesn't." I considered how upset any of the girls might be if someone were to say that Ronny looked like them at the moment.
"How many cousins do you have?"
'Actually, I think you've met them all." I laughed, "But... could you maybe do me a favor?"
"Sure."
I thought for a moment. I didn't want to sound creepy or anything, but I needed to be sure that I kept Ronny's secret. "See... Ronny grew up in our house too and... well... she's kind of fallen out with everyone lately..."
As I struggled for words, Ria spoke up, "Oh, is it because of her transition?"
I was surprised she could spot it. I thought that Ronny looked pretty good. "You could tell?"
Ria shrugged. "Well, yeah, I mean she looks good, but she has really big hands and her shoulder are pretty broad. She is pretty, though. I can tell she's working hard at it."
I sighed and nodded. "Harder than anything else she's ever done, I think. Here's the thing, though - Ronny as a guy was a jerk. A real jerk. Like the kind of jerk that you probably wouldn't care if something really bad happened to him, you know? None of us knew he was struggling with his sexual identity or anything like that until I went looking for him a few weeks ago and found out he was transitioning by accident. So... see... no one else knows about it and he doesn't want them to know, so... can I ask you to maybe... not say anything to Jules or any of the other girls?"
Ria laughed. "Of course, Jack. It's none my business."
I relaxed. "Thank you, Ria. I really appreciate it."
"No problem." She smiled broadly, then took my hand in hers, "Now... since we're on a similar topic, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Do you really have a cousin Jakki who 'lives in Utah with the Mormons and goes to Brigham Young University' or was that you I saw at McGill's last night in that brown dress with the white polka dots, with your hair up in a bun?"
I must have looked like an idiot. My jaw dropped and I couldn't get my tongue to work. "M...mmm...mmm.... Me? At McGill's?"
She seemed to get very flirty as she smiled. "Yeah, you."
"W...W... Why would you ask that?"
She giggled as she spoke, "Well, maybe because Julia introduced the girl as her brother, or maybe because Avery's lies were so painfully horrible, or maybe because your eyelashes still have mascara in them."
I reached up and touched my eyes, trying to rub the makeup out of them, completely giving myself away.
"Oh, stop," she laughed. "You looked adorable. I liked it. Do you cross dress a lot?"
"NO!" I said, far to emphatically. "Just at Halloween. We were working on my Halloween costume and the girls convinced me to go out like that last night. I'm going to kill them."
"No you're not," Ria laughed, "because I am asking you to go out with me again on Tuesday night - BUT - only if you don't make a big deal out of last night."
"Really?" I asked, confused. "Why?"
"Because I liked it and I thought you looked as cute as hell. And if you ever feel like dressing up again, I will support it wholeheartedly." She smiled and that smile contained so much sweet mischief I couldn't believe it. "Is it a deal?"
"Ok," I smiled back. "It's a deal."
So, Tuesday was cheap movie night at the local movie theater, so we went to see a really good movie and had a great time. After, we went to nearby ice cream place and had ice cream sodas and chatted some more.
"Are you going to the Halloween party at the Student Union this weekend," I asked.
She shrugged. "I might, if someone asked me."
"Why don't you come with us?" I offered.
Ria put down her long spoon and smiled as she looked at me and shook her head. "God, can anyone really be that thick?"
I blinked. "What did I do?"
"I just asked YOU to ask ME to the party and you just invited me to come along with you and your sister and your cousins. Have you really never dated anyone before?"
I shook my head. "No, I never have. Sorry. So... should I invite you to go with just me?"
She folded her arms and her grin was the same kind of grin you might give a child who couldn't quite figure out how to pile his blocks. "Yes, Jack, I would like that, very much."
"Oh. Ok." I put down my spoon and cleared my throat, trying to sound serious. Then I took Ria's hand in mine. "My dear Ria... If I may be so bold... would you please do me the honor of allowing me to escorting you to the gala at the Student Union Building being thrown this Saturday evening to celebrate the eve of the All Saints Day?"
Ria shook her shoulders in the manner of a southern belle and smiled, "Well, I would be honored, sir."
"Cool," I said with a smile. "I do have a problem, though. I share the car with the girls, so... I can't really pick you up to take you without them coming, too."
She just laughed. "Don't worry. I'll pick you up. What are you wearing for a costume?"
I sighed and I know I blushed a deep red. "Have you ever seen the movie 'Black Swan?'"
She threw her head back, laughed and clapped her hands. "Oh, YES! That's awesome!"
I laughed a little, too. "How about you?"
"I don't know. I was going as Hermione from Harry Potter, but now I'm going to have to up my game a bit. I'll have to think of something awesome.
"Hermione is awesome."
'Yeah, but if you're going all girly, then I better come up with something pretty manly."
"Oh, Geez," I laughed. "What are you thinking? Thor? Hulk?"
"Both good suggestions," she giggled. "I shall take them both under advisement."
The rest of the week went really well. I spent a lot of time with Ria at school. I'd never had a real friend another than Julia, Avery or Chelsea, and none of them ever held my hand or kissed me. So, being with Ria was a lot cooler.
When the night of the party arrived, I reminded my mother that I was going to be dressing up as a girl that night to avoid a reenactment of the dramatics of the previous weekend.
"I know, Jacky," she smirked. "Thank you, though." She kissed my forehead. "So, this thing with Ria? Is it serious?"
I shrugged. "I hope so. I really like her."
"And do you think she'll be ok with you wearing a ballet tutu and makeup to the party?"
"She's more than ok with it, mom. She thinks it's pretty cool."
My mother's eyebrows raised in surprised. "Really. Well, I guess that times have really changed since I was young."
"There you are," Avery said, as she came into the kitchen. "Excuse me, Auntie, but I need Jacky to get his scrawny butt in gear. Come on, Jack. You need to get in the shower and get those legs shaved."
My mother laughed. "My son the He-Man. Oh, well. It's Halloween, after all. Go get ready and have a good time."
Just before seven, Ria showed up to pick me up. She was wearing a jet black wig with a ponytail, a red, short sleeved tunic with a yellow collar, a wide belt with a big buckle in top of it, black leggings and knee high riding boots.
"Oh, my goodness, she's Gaston!" Avery laughed.
"You look awesome!" Chelsea said. "You look really strong."
"I'm wearing a muscle suit under this," Ria laughed. "I feel really buff."
Then she looked at me in my tutu and smiled. Then she spoke in the lowest voice she could muster. "Well, there she is. The most beautiful girl in town and that makes her the best! and don't I deserve the best?"
Now, Ria was about an inch and a half taller than me, but with me in ballet slippers and Ria in riding boots, she had more than three inches on me. So, she grabbed me in a dramatic move, bent me backwards and kissed me deeply and remarkably passionately, especially considering we were not alone.
We she finally let me stand, I was not just breathless, I was stunned and left wanting more. But Ria just turned and started talking to the girls. "So, are we all set to go?"
"I think so," Julia said. "We'll follow you guys there."
"Ok," Ria said. She turned to me. "All set, my beauty?"
I caught my breath and nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I'm ready."
Now, I'm not sure if you've ever tried to sit in a car in a tutu, but it's not possible, and since this tutu laced up, Ria had to untie it in the back and let me get into the cat in just the very elaborate leotard.
When she was in the car and we were on the way, she smirked and said, "So... I noticed that your leotard fits you very well."
I looked at my meager cleavage. "Yeah. That involves some strategically placed duct tape, a push-up bra and some makeup for shading."
Suddenly, Ria's hand was rubbing the top of my leg. "I was actually referring to the space between your thighs."
I laughed. "You should talk. I noticed a bulge in your crotch."
"Mine is a stuffed sock. Yours looks like a pretty real gap down there. Is there something you're not telling me?"
I shook my head and sighed. "It's a maxi-pad, ok?"
"What!?" Ria screamed in laugher. "Why on earth are you wearing a maxi-pad ? It's not your time of the month is it? And even if it is, didn't your mom ever teach you about tampons?"
"Ok, just stop. Chelsea saw something online that said that the easiest way to keep everything tucked was to use a maxi-pad. I didn't think she was right, but it was three against one - So... I'm using a maxi-pad. End of story."
She laughed even harder. "Oh, you poor baby. Did the big, mean girls bully you into wearing a feminine napkin on your panties? Awwww. Do you want me to beat them up for you?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact they did, and, if you wouldn't mind, I would appreciate it if you would." I joked.
When we arrived at the Student Union Building, Ria had to lace me back into my tutu and then we went into the party, which was, in a word, a 'blast.'
There was a great DJ. The lights were awesome. The food was good. Julia, Avery and Chelsea all danced with each other and were invited to dance with guys. I was even asked to dance a couple of times, but I declined politely and asked Ria not to leave me alone after the second time.
At the end of the evening there were prizes for the best costumes. When they called up all the male guests who wanted to be judged, I went up and I heard a murmur of confusion from the other guys. There were few grunts of disappointment when I won the prize, too, but I didn't think anyone was going to get too upset over a twenty five dollar gift certificate to the college's cafeteria.
The party was over way too quickly. I danced with Ria a lot and I really enjoyed it. I'd never really danced with anyone before. I mean, I'd danced a little at senior prom, but it didn't mean much. It was just for fun. This was more... romantic.
On the way home, Ria said, "I really wish we could make this last longer, but we're both wearing too much paraphernalia to have any fun, so I guess I'll just have to drive you home and call it a night."
I was disappointed, but she was right. I was tucked down below and I was uncomfortably taped up above, while she was probably restricted in someway up above and then wearing some kind of foam rubber muscle suit on top of that... the logistics of the whole thing was too much to consider.
"Ok," I said, probably sounding sad.
"Oh, don't pout," Ria teased. "You girls always get so moody when you're on your period."
"Alright - enough," I laughed. "How about tomorrow? Want to do something?"
"Sure, but let's not do anything too involved. We'll be tired after tonight. Maybe just hang out or something, ok?"
"Sounds great! Your place or mine?"
She chuckled. "I think it's going to rain, so I don't want you riding your bike over to my parents' house and getting sick. I'll come over to your place after lunch, ok?"
"Sure."
"Let's be relaxed, alright? Pjs and sweats. Things like that."
"A perfect weekend day," I agreed.
"Of course, you could wear a cute nightie for me, if you wanted," she teased.
I just shook my head.
Ria and I started dating regularly from then on.
November, of course, meant preparing for finals for all of us, and for Julia, Ria and me, being freshmen, it was almost overwhelmingly stressful. We were being told by our professors that failure on these exams would mean failure for the semester, no matter how well we'd done so far. Chelsea and Avery told us otherwise, be we were sure that we were facing our doom, so we were constantly huddled around the kitchen table with books and computers open. Some nights, Ria even stayed in my bed and I slept on the couch so we could study late into the night - or early morning, to be more precise.
Of course, we all aced every class and as Thanksgiving came around and our grades were being posted, we breathed easier and faced our break with a feeling of true thanksgiving.
Ria's family didn't celebrate Thanksgiving, so she came to our house to celebrate, which was great.
A shadow did fall on our celebration, though.
Ronny didn't come.
For my mom, Aunt Mary, Chelsea, Avery and Julia, that was welcome news, but for Aunt Ann, it was heartbreaking. To tell you the truth, I was a bit disappointed in Ronny. She was so up beat and seemed so happy when last I'd seen her, but I guess it tough for her to face the family after having been tough 'Ronny The Asshole' for so long. Showing up as 'Ronny the Trans-Woman' was going to be a big change when it happened.
Aunt Ann sulked a bit throughout the day, but everyone ignored her except for me. I tried to offer some comfort by way of extra attention, but that just seemed to irritate her more, so eventually I just gave up and let her wallow, since that seemed to be what she wanted to do.
Christmas was always a big deal at our house. Yes, there were presents, but there were also a lot of homemade things, too. Lots of cookies were baked by all of us. Fudge was made. Avery knitted mittens. Chelsea painted decorations. The whole house was busy in the last two weeks before Christmas.
I went shopping to buy my girlfriend - that still felt great to say - My Girlfriend - a present.
I got her a few small things - body spray, earrings, headbands - things like that, but a nice present alluded me until I finally figured it out. Ria had mentioned that she loved this one Broadway show and there was a national touring company production of it coming to Boston in March. I went on line and found out that the tickets for the show were available, but pretty pricey. I thought about it for a few hours and finally decided that it was worth it to make her happy. So, I bit the bullet, pulled out my debit card and bought the tickets.
I felt pretty good about the purchase, too, so I went out to the kitchen to have a glass of orange juice.
Unfortunately, when I got there, my joy disappeared because I found Auntie Ann sitting at the kitchen table crying. I sat down next to her, knowing full well why she was upset, but having to pretend that I had no idea what was going on.
"Are you ok, auntie?" I asked, touching her shoulder.
She wiped her eyes and tried to smiled. "Oh, don't mind me, Jacky. I'm just being foolish. It's your cousin Ronny getting to me again. He's too busy with this new job to come to Christmas with the family. It's just been a long time since I've even spoken to him and I'm feeling a little.. lonely."
I tried to lighten her mood. "Lonely? How could you ever feel lonely in this house, auntie?"
She smiled and tried to stop her tears. "Maybe lonely isn't the right word, Jacky." She sniffled a bit, then she sighed. "You know I love all of you Jack. I mean..." another sigh, "I know that I'm a mean old buzzard, but... in my own mean way... I do love all of you."
I nodded. "I know, auntie. We all know that."
She took a deep breath and tried, but failed, to hold back the tears. "Then why doesn't my own son know that, John? Ronald's father was... not a good man. He hit us, Jack. A lot. He drank and he stayed out all night with God knows who... I'm afraid that Ronny is going to end up just like him.
"Oh, don't think so, auntie," I said, with a surprising amount of confidence. "I think Ronny may have turned a corner. Maybe we just need to give him a little time."
She shook her head. "I don't think so, Jacky. I just don't think so."
Later that night, I sent Ronny a text asking him if he might consider coming to Christmas Eve for an hour or so.
"CAN'T DO IT, JACK. SORRY.' Was his reply.
That was a little too much like the old Ronny for me.
By the twenty third of December, everyone was in the spirit of the holiday, except Aunt Ann, and I was feeling pretty terrible about it.
"Stay out of it," Ria advised. "You told me yourself that your cousin wanted to stay away from the family for awhile. That's his choice, Jack. It might not be the choice that you'd make, but you have to abide by it."
I should have listened, but I didn't. I took my phone and I went out to the driveway and called Ronny. It rang four times before Ronny picked up. "I really hope this is just to wish me a Merry Christmas, Jack." He sounded much more like a woman than he had even the last time I'd seen him.
"Merry Christmas, Ronny," I said as cheerfully as I could. "Are you ok?"
Suddenly he sounded much more friendly, now. "Actually... I'm really, good, Jack. Better than ever. Thank you for asking. How are you? Are you still seeing that pretty girl?"
I laughed a little. "Yeah, Ria. Her name is Ria. We're dating pretty regularly now. Ummm... I did call for a reason, though."
"Jack, I need to warn you," Ronny sounded serious, but not mean, "I'm going through a lot right now and if I can't trust you, I will have to separate myself from you, too."
"No, you can trust me, Ronny, but... it's your mom... I've just never seen her..."
"Jack..."
"... no, Ronny, she's so sad about everything..."
"Jack..."
"... seriously, Ronny, just for one night..."
"I'm sorry Jack, I love you and I appreciate all the help you gave me when I needed it, but I'm hanging up and I'm blocking your number for now. I'll call you when I'm ready to reconnect."
"NO, RONNY, PLEASE!"
"Merry Christmas, Jack. I love you."
He hung up.
"Oh shit," I muttered and I redialed the number.
Immediately, I heard a robotic voice say, "We're sorry, but the party you are calling is not accepting calls from your account at this time."
"Damnit, Damnit, Damnit, Damnit!" I said over and over before going back into the house.
I borrowed Julia's phone and tried calling Ronny's number, but the result was the same. He'd blocked all of us.
This was not the result I wanted.
Ria's family didn't celebrate Christmas, either, so she stayed with us on Christmas Eve. Rather magnanimously, Aunt Ann offered me Ronny's bed, but I felt bad about Ronny's absence, so I chose to sleep on the couch, anyway.
I invited anyone who might feel up to it to join me for midnight Mass. Ria said that she'd like to go. She'd grown up in a Hindu household and was curious about what a Catholic Mass might be like. Aunt Mary also chose to go and so did, surprisingly, Avery.
It was actually a beautiful Mass. The choir sounded great, the church was decorated beautifully, the homily was positive and uplifting, everything you'd want from a midnight Mass. We even had a pleasant walk home with a cold, star lite sky, but almost no wind to cut through our bundled clothing.
"Did you enjoy the Mass?" My Aunt asked Ria, who was cuddling me beside her as we walked back home.
"I did," she admitted. "I enjoyed the music and the incense had an ancient quality to it that reminded me of some of the ceremonies I've attended in Nepal. Everyone seemed happy to be there, too. That was the nicest part."
"Well, a lot of them had a little too much eggnog before coming," Avery laughed.
"That is true," Aunt Mary chuckled, "but they were still there."
We were up around eight on Christmas morning - even though none us were children, there was still a lot of Christmas morning excitement in the air.
We had strict buying rules - just a few presents a per person, but the pile under the tree was always vast. Mostly clothes and other necessities, but it was exciting, nonetheless.
We all exchanged a couple of presents, of course, and everyone thanked everyone. Ria, having never experienced a present onslaught like this, was a bit overwhelmed and kept saying, "Honestly, this is enough! No, it's TOO MUCH! Thank you, all, but, it's too much!"
She was very happy with my presents to her, especially the tickets to the show in Boston, as well as the little gift certificates I'd made on the computer for a dinner at the restaurant of her choice for that evening.
Ria gave me a very nice onyx ring - kind of small for a man's ring, but not overly feminine - and two video games, then she put two shirt boxes and a slightly larger box on my lap. The thing about living in a house with so many women is that, since they all shared clothes, they tended to forget that you needed clothes of your own. So, I was excited to get some stuff from Ria.
She smiled as I opened the first box to reveal a red and black, buffalo plaid shirt, flannel shirt. "Oh, cool," I exclaimed, raising the shirt by the shoulders to get a better look at it. That was when I noticed there was no collar on the shirt, then that long sleeves ended in small bell shaped cuffs and that there was far more material to this 'shirt' than I'd expected.
I quickly folded it back into the box and casually put the cover back on it. I looked at Ria who was smiling sheepishly at me.
"Was that...?" I asked, quietly.
She giggled. "A snuggly night gown. It's nice and warm to sleep in in the winter."
I smiled, but shook my head. "You don't really expect me to wear that, do you?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"Have you met my family?"
She shrugged. "I think they'd get used to it."
"You're nuts," I said.
"You're no fun," she pouted. "Open the next one."
I did, and it was a very nice, tan turtle neck sweater. "That's very nice. Thank you."
"You're welcome," she smiled. "There's another part to it under the sweater."
I lifted the sweater up, and immediately put it back down. Beneath the sweater was a dark brown, corduroy, bib-overall dress. "What is wrong with you?" I whispered while also laughing.
"Oh, come on. You like dressing up and I want you to dress up every now and then. What's the harm in getting you what we both want for Christmas?" I shook my head, just a little so as not to attract any attention, and moved on to the last, and larger box.
"Dare I even open this here?"
"If you don't, I'll open it and show everyone." She teased.
"I thought you liked me," I said, although I couldn't help but smile a little.
"Oh, I like you a lot," she smiled, then gave me a peck on my lips. "Go ahead and open the last box."
Cautiously, I tore the paper off the last box and then raised the top and peeked in, revealing a classic looking, royal blue, chiffon dress with white detailing. I closed the box quickly.
"You don't like it?" She smiled.
"It looks beautiful, but I can't look at it right now. I'll look at it later. Thank you."
It's really beautiful," she whispered, almost sexually. "I got it at a retro clothing shop. It's from 1962. It's soft and elegant, and..."
"I'll look at it later."
"It comes with a petticoat."
"I can't look at it right now."
"It has big, puffy sleeves that look like they belong on a little girl's dress."
"Just stop, alright."
"I got you the pumps to match."
"Thank you, but I'd like to make it through this evening without my mother going nuts, ok?"
"You're going to look amazing in it."
"We'll see."
"When we go see that play in Boston."
My head snapped around to look at her and I felt the blood drain from my face. "You're not serious, are you?"
She smiled and shrugged. "It's just a thought that occurred to me when you gave me the tickets. Think about it. It might be fun. It'll be up to you, of course, but it's a golden opportunity to wear a beautiful dress to a wonderful event."
I looked around at everyone and thought about my family's reaction to me doing something like that and I felt my stomach tumble. "Oh, I don't know, Ria. I'll have to think about that."
She kissed my cheek. "Ok. I won't force you. It'd just be fun. That's all." She smiled some more.
"Here, Ria," my mother interrupted us, "this is for you."
"Another present!?!?" Ria made a big show of receiving the gift.
As she opened it, I got up and scurried down the hall and stowed my three boxes from Ria in my closet for the time being, knowing I'd need to come up with a better hiding place at some point.
We had a great holiday break. The girls and Ria and I hung out together a lot. We saw some movies, went bowling, streamed some stuff on TV and we all got into cooking together. My sister and cousins all really seemed to love Ria, which was great and made things much easier.
We spent New Years Eve at a big event on the common of our city. Lots of food trucks and live bands. It was cold, but a pretty great time. There were several local micro breweries there, too, so Avery and Chelsea took advantage of tasting lots of different beers. They didn't get drunk, mind you, they just enjoyed themselves.
In mid-January, we were headed back to classes and enjoying campus things, again.
That is, until one day in late January.
We left for school a little after eight thirty that morning and everything was fine. It was cold, but the sun was shining and the forecast was for a some flurries that afternoon. We met Ria in the parking lot and we all headed into the school, then to our individual classrooms. For me, that meant leaving the science building and crossing to the fine arts building for a Music History class.
Around one o'clock, I was headed back to meet everyone for lunch and, instead of flurries, a pretty steady misty rain had started, which, in turn, had created a pretty thick glaze of ice on the ground. It was a challenge to cross the eighty or so feet of asphalt between the two buildings.
"It's pretty bad out there," I said to everyone when I got to the cafeteria.
"Yeah, my dad said to come home, if I could," Ria said. "I'm only about a mile away, but you guys are clear across town."
Chelsea was already watching the most recent weather forecast on her iPad and things didn't look good. "I guess we have two choices," she said. "We can leave now, before it gets any worse, or we can hang out here a while longer and hope that they sand the roads."
Avery was looking out the window. "You know, the main roads don't look too bad right now. If we leave now and stick to the main roads, we only have to deal with our street and it's not much of hill. I vote to email our professors and just leave now. I think it's the safest thing to do."
We all agreed and headed out to the parking lot.
After a lot of scraping to clear the windows on our car and Ria's, I kissed Ria goodbye, and I climbed into the backseat of our car. Chelsea was the most experienced driver and did a great job getting us home, but it was a long slow commute. Eventually, we were pulling into our driveway, but as we were passing our front porch, I shouted, 'Shit! Stop the car!"
When it stopped, I jumped out and ran across the grass so as not to slip on the pavement to where I saw my Aunt Ann laying unconscious at the foot of the front steps.
"Auntie! Auntie!" I called to her as I touched her face, but she didn't respond at all - and her face was very cold. I was scared out of my mind and I'd left my phone in the car.
I looked back at the car to where the girls were all standing and not sure what had happened. See, the way our house was situated on the lot, the front steps were angled away from the driveway. If I hadn't caught the glimpse of Aunt Ann that I had, it's possible that no one else would have. She might have laid there unconscious for hours if I hadn't just happened to look that way at just the right moment.
"Call nine one one!" I shouted.
"What happed?" Chelsea shouted back.
"It's Auntie Ann! I think she fell! She's unconscious!"
I heard all three of them all yell, "Oh, shit!" Just as I had. Then Avery made the call while Chelsea ran to me, while Julia grabbed a blanket from the car and then followed behind Chelsea.
By the time the ambulance, a fire truck and the police showed up, we were all sure that our aunt was dead, but the EMTs assured us that she was, at least for the moment, alive.
"Can I go with her?" I asked the EMTs, as they loaded her into the ambulance, astounding myself.
"Are you her son?" One of them asked as the doors were closing.
"Yes," I said without hesitation.
"How old are you?" She asked.
"Nineteen."
"Ok. Jump in."
As I climbed in, Chelsea grabbed my hand and said, "Jack." I stopped and looked at her, but she just put my cell phone in my hand, then squeezed my hand in hers. She looked like she was going to cry. I knew how she felt.
To Be Continued...
The Good Son - 3
Author:
Audience Rating:
Publication:
Genre:
Character Age:
Taxonomy upgrade extras:
Permission:
As Jack tells his story, you'll see what I mean.
Author's Note: I love to read comments, pro and con, but I'd also just love for you to check in and let me know that you're doing ok. ~Clara.
This version of The Good Son: 3 has been updated with many corrections towards spelling and grammar.~Sephrena.
Image Credit: Image created through the use of ai at https://perchance.org/beautiful-people .~Sephrena.
Chapter 3
By the time the ambulance, a fire truck and the police showed up, we were all sure that our aunt was dead, but the EMTs assured us that she was, at least for the moment, alive.
"Can I go with her?" I asked the EMTs, as they loaded her into the ambulance, astounding myself.
"Are you her son?" one of them asked as the doors were closing.
"Yes," I said without hesitation.
"How old are you?" she asked.
"Nineteen."
"Ok. Jump in."
As I climbed in, Chelsea grabbed my hand and said, "Jack." I stopped and looked at her, but she just put my cell phone in my hand, then squeezed my hand in hers. She looked like she was going to cry. I knew how she felt.
I never felt so useless in my life, just sitting there, holding my aunt's cold, lifeless hand as the EMTs worked on her.
"We're incoming with a woman," the older of the EMT's spoke into a radio, then he looked at me. "How old is your mother, son?"
I thought for a second. "Ummm... fifty six."
"A fifty six year old woman," he returned to the radio, "unconscious, cuts and contusions on her head, possible concussion, by the position of her legs, I think we may have several broken bones, possibly a broken hip. I will forward pictures."
Then they went to work and didn't say anything and ignored me.
Finally I asked, "Is she going to be ok?"
The older EMT looked at me and said, "We're going to do everything we can to help her."
That scared me more than anything else he could have said.
"But... she's not going to... die... is she?"
He touched my knee and looked me in the eye. "We're going to do everything we can to help her."
That's when I started shaking and I felt the tears in my eyes. My aunt and I had a strained relationship - hell my aunt had a strained relationship with the world - but I couldn't let her die. I just couldn't. I didn't want her to think she was alone, so I bent down and I whispered in her ear. "It's Jack, auntie. Please don't die, auntie. Please. I love you, auntie. Please don't die." Then I kissed her hand and held it to my cheek until we pulled into the emergency room entrance at the hospital.
I felt empty and so alone as they took my aunt into a room, leaving me alone in a waiting room. I was there about twenty minutes when my phone rang and I saw that it was my mother.
"Hi, mom."
"Christ Almighty, Jacky, are you ok?" My mother sounded panicked.
"Me? Yeah, mom, I'm ok. It's Aunt Ann that's hurt."
"I know, honey, but what the hell were you thinking going with her?"
She sounded angry with me and I didn't know why. "Are you mad at me, mom?"
She let out a long and frustrated breath. "No, Jack, I'm not mad, I'm just... honey you shouldn't be there by yourself and I can't get there in this ice storm. Your Aunt Mary and I should be there, not you. You're too young."
"What choice was there, mom? Aunt Ann was hurt. You weren't there. I was. That's all there was to it."
My mom made some frustrated noises on the other end of the phone. "How is Ann?"
"I don't know," I said. "She didn't look good, mom. I told her to be strong that we loved her and didn't want her to die."
"You told her we loved her?" I heard a crack in my mother's voice. "That was kind of you, Jacky."
"It's the truth, mom."
I heard her sniffle. "I'm glad to hear it, honey."
"Are you the young man who came in with the lady in the ambulance?" a woman interrupted.
"Hold on," I said into the phone. "Yes," I said to the woman.
"Is she your mother?"
"Yes," I lied.
"They're taking your mother into surgery, now. I'm afraid you're in for a long afternoon."
"What's happening?" my real mother asked.
I said to the woman who'd spoken to me, "This is my mother's sister. Could you tell her what's happening?"
The woman took the phone. "Hi. From what I understand, it appears that your sister took a pretty bad fall on the ice and she sustained multiple broken bones, an injury to her head and both of her hips are going to need to be replaced over the next few months. She's got a long road ahead of her."
I heard my mother ask a few questions, then the woman handed phone back to me. "I'll give you periodic updates," she said to me. "What's a good number to reach you?"
I wrote down my number and she left.
"Are you still there?" I said into the phone.
"I'm here, Jacky. I'm going to try to get there."
"No, mom!" I insisted. "It's too icy for anyone to be on the road until the storm is over. I'll just hang out here and wait. I'll call if I hear anything."
I sat and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited.
And I tried to figure out how to reach Ronny to let him know about his mom, but my number was still blocked and I had no idea where he lived or worked. I just knew that he hung out at 'The Right Place,' and that I saw him eat at 'The Flying Rhino' one time.
Goddamnit, why did he have to block me? I was just trying to help. What if Aunt Ann died? How was I going to let him know about it? Geez, Ronny, I know you can be a jerk, but this isn't really what you want, is it?
The hours just crawled by and eventually I fell asleep in the waiting room. I woke up around midnight when someone kissed my forehead. I woke up half expecting to see my mother, but instead I saw Ria's beautiful, dark face smiling down at me. I blinked and focused. "Ria? What are you doing here?"
"I came to keep you company. My dad had to go into work regardless of the weather and I convinced him to drop me off."
I sat up taller and hugged her as she sat next to me. "What time is it?"
"Almost midnight. It's still pretty bad out there. The weather report says it'll be better in the morning. Have you heard anything about your aunt?"
I checked my phone. There were no messages except texts and voicemail's from my family. "Not since like six. She was still in surgery then. Shoot, my battery is really low."
Ria dug into her pocketbook. "Here. I have a charger."
We moved closer to an outlet. "Thanks for coming," I said. "You didn't need to."
"I didn't want you here all night by yourself."
"That's really nice." I smiled at her.
She smiled and shrugged. "That's what people do when they love each other."
We just stared at each other for a couple of seconds before I asked, "Are you saying that you love me?"
She nodded. "Yeah. That's what I'm saying. You don't have to say it back, but... that's what I'm saying."
I think I must have smiled a bit too goofily before I kissed her because she giggled at me. After I kissed her I said. "I love you, too, Ria. I really do."
"I'm glad, Jack."
My phone buzzed with a text from Chelsea. 'ANY NEWS?'
I text back. 'NO. NOTHING'
'ARE YOU OK?'
'YES. RIA IS HERE WITH ME, NOW.'
'HOW?'
'HER DAD DROPPED HER ON HIS WAY TO WORK.'
'GOOD. GLAD YOU'RE NOT ALONE. I'LL TELL YOUR MOM. EVERYONE'S WORRIED ABOUT YOU HERE.'
'WHY?'
'BECAUSE YOU'RE THERE, YOU IDIOT.'
"Nice to know you're loved, I guess," I laughed, showing Ria the text.
She laughed, too. "I talked to Chelsea. She said that your mom was really upset with all of them for letting you get into the ambulance with your aunt."
"Really?" I asked, surprised. "It all happened pretty fast. I'm not sure that they had a lot of say in the matter. I'm not sure that I did either. I just didn't want her to be alone. She probably didn't even know I was there."
"I'm sure she did," Ria said as she kissed my cheek and petted my hair.
"Since l've gotten here, I've just been trying to figure out how to get in touch with Ronny. He needs to be told about this."
"Ok, I agree with you about that. We'll figure out something."
Around one o'clock, a doctor came out and told me that my aunt, well, he said 'my mother,' was going to be ok, but she wasn't going to be awake for a couple of days. He also said she'd need at least two more surgeries in the next few months, so the family should prepare for her to be in a wheel chair for a while and then on a walker for a couple of weeks as she recovered from her hip replacement surgeries, when those occurred.
I didn't want to wake everyone at home, but I wanted my mother and aunt to hear this, so I called and they answered on the second ring. They talked to the doctor and seemed relieved by what he told them, then they told me to get some rest if I could and we said good night.
Sometime around mid-morning, Aunt Ann was moved into a bed in a recovery area and I was allowed in to see her. Only me, though, not Ria.
I was relieved that I she was going to be ok - that is, until I saw her. She didn't even look like my aunt. There were so many tubes and wires attached to her, I could hardly see her small body underneath all the mass of it all.
"I know it's a lot to take in," the nurse said to me in a kind voice, "but honestly, your mom is doing very well, under the circumstances. Talk to her, if you can. It helps."
I nodded, trying hard to take in the whole situation. She led me to a chair next to Aunt Ann's bed and she walked away.
I took my aunt's hand in mine, careful of the port for her medications, and I leaned close to her and I whispered, "They say you're going to be ok, auntie, but you've got some hard weeks ahead of you. Don't worry, though. We'll all be there to help you. All of us."
I know you won't believe it, but I swear, I heard her let out a little sigh, almost like she was thanking me.
"And auntie," I continued, "I promise, I will find Ronnie and let him know that you need him."
Ok, I knew that Ronny should now be referred to as 'she' but Aunt Ann didn't, so I wasn't going to tell her the truth right now, and the important part about this story is that when I said this, I swear to God, my aunt squeezed my hand. She really did. She squeezed my hand and she broke my heart all at the same time.
Mid afternoon, my mother and Aunt Mary arrived at the hospital and met us in the waiting room. My mom greeted me with her arms outstretched and saying, "Oh, my baby," which surprised me quite a bit, but not nearly as much as my Aunt Mary greeting Ria with her arms also outstretched and saying, "You poor child. You shouldn't have to go through this."
Once we got past the shock, my mother gave us strict orders to go home, get some rest, take a showers and not to come back to the hospital. I assured her that I would go home, I would take a shower, but I was going to be at the hospital when Aunt Ann woke up. The doctors said that was probably going to be on Saturday afternoon, and I was going to be there.
My mom had driven her car and Aunt Mary had driven hers, so I drove my mom's back to our house. Ria told her parents where she'd be and they were ok with it, but gave the usual parental warnings about 'no horseplay,' or whatever the Nepalese equivalent of that was.
Because if the treacherous conditions due to the ice storm earlier, the girls were all at home. They knew we'd be coming, so they had French toast and bacon waiting for us - even though it was nearly dinner time. It was delicious. After that, Ria showered and borrowed some PJs from Julia. Then I showered and pulled on some sweats and joined everyone in the living room for a few minutes. It wasn't long, though, before Ria and I retired to my bedroom I took my bed and Ria took Julia's and Julia graciously agreed to sleep on the couch. It was only about six in the evening, but we were both exhausted.
I could have easily drifted off to sleep had my mind not been plagued by the problem of finding my cousin Ronny. She'd really put me in an untenable position and I was feeling pretty upset about it. Finally, I came up with a way to contact her. It was a pretty stupid idea, but it was an idea, nonetheless. So, with that in mind, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
I slept straight through the night and only woke up because I heard Julia rummaging through her bureau looking for clothes. She heard me stir in my bed and looked over at me. "Oh, Jacky, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
"No problem," I assured her. "I need to pee, anyway. Is there school?"
She shook her head. "No. I guess the power is still out on campus. I just wanted to get dressed. It's a little chilly in the living room."
That was something I knew from recent experience. "Are you still tired?"
"A little," she admitted.
"Is Avery up?"
"Umm... yeah. Why?"
I swung my legs out from under the covers. "Here. You get into bed. I need to talk to Avery."
Julia looked at me, confused. "Why do you need to talk to Avery?"
I kissed her cheek and led her to the bed. "Get into bed and sleep a while longer." I slipped my feet into my lined Crocs.
"Why do you need to talk to Avery?"
"Shh, you'll wake Ria," I said as I turned and left the room.
I found Avery in the kitchen drinking coffee.
"Hey," I said, "how are you?"
"Oh, hi," she smiled. "I didn't think you'd be up for a while, yet. How are you feeling?"
"I'm good, I guess," I said, "but I need to ask you a couple of big favors."
"Oh yeah?" she smiled. "What kind of big favors?" she pulled her robe a little tighter around her. "Don't tell me. Let me guess. You want to hide a Valentine's Day present for Ria in my room, right?"
"Umm... no," I shook my head. "It's a lot bigger than that."
The playful look on her face faded a bit. "Oh... what's up?"
I took a big breath and looked at her before I spoke. "Ok, first I have to ask you not to ask me why I'm asking these favors and second I have to ask you not to tell our mothers about them."
She folded her arms and waited.
"The first thing I need is for you to make me look just like you, again."
She bobbed her head from side to side. "Ok... I can do that, I guess."
I nodded. "Then I need to borrow a dress - a kind of nice one that you'd wear out to a nice restaurant."
Her eyes narrowed. "Why?"
"I told you, I can't tell you."
She stared at me for a moment. "Does Ria know about this?"
I shook my head. "Not yet, but she will and she will understand my reasons. She's already aware of the situation."
She considered that. "But you can't tell me?"
I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I can't."
She thought for a moment. "Well... if Ria is ok with it, I will make you look like me and loan you a dress."
"And shoes." I added.
"And shoes," she agreed. "Is that it?"
I shook my head. "I have one more favor and... it's the big one."
She chuckled. "Oh, IT'S the big one. What, what, pray tell, is THE BIG ONE?"
I stared at the table for a good long time before finally saying, "I need to borrow your license."
"What? Why? You have a license."
I sighed. "I need to get into a bar."
"NO!" she said, emphatically. "Absolutely not. You are not getting drunk using my ID. Absolutely not!"
"I am not going to get drunk."
"Yeah sure. You just want my ID to go to a bar and drink water, right? Look, Jack, you know that I don't think of you like my cousin. As far as I'm concerned, you're my little brother. Honest, Jacky, I really do love you like my brother, but NO. I can't make you look like me, then send you out and let you - LOOKING LIKE ME - go get shit faced. What if someone I know sees you? What if you get pulled over and I end up with a DUI? Again, I love you to death, but I can't do that."
"Avery..." I tried to say, but she interrupted.
"NO!"
"Can you please hear me out?"
She took a deep breath and calmed down. "Ok. Explain."
"Ok. I can't explain entirely, but..." I thought for a moment. "... I need to speak to someone who I can't call or text. I don't know where they live or work, but I know that they go to this particular bar almost every night - and since tonight is Friday, they'll definitely be there. So, I'll go there, get a soft drink if I have to, wait until I see this person, talk to them and come home. That's all."
She chewed that over for a bit. "Who's the person?"
"I can't tell you."
"Why is this important?"
"I can't tell you."
She thought a while longer, then shook her head. "Nope. I'm sorry. If you can't trust me, then I can't trust you."
"Avery..."
"Honestly, Jack, I don't want to say 'no,' but I have no choice. If you can't tell me the truth, then I..."
"It's to help Aunt Ann," I blurted out.
"What?" She looked at me and thought for a moment. "Aunt Ann?"
I nodded.
"You're going to see Ronnie?"
I nodded.
"At Monaghan's"
"No, no, no," I half laughed. "Ronnie's got a new job and isn't hanging out at Monaghan's anymore."
"Where is he hanging out?"
"I can't tell you."
"Why don't I just go?"
I sighed. "Avery... it's really complicated. I promised Ronny that I wouldn't tell anyone about it, though. Please, Ronny will only talk to me... and maybe not even to me."
She thought for a long few minutes. "I'm not sure what to think about this, Jack. Ronny's always been a problem. Maybe he isn't what Aunt Ann needs right now."
I looked at Avery. "She's Ronny's mother, Avery. Ronny needs to know that she's been hurt. Whether or not Ronny comes home to help Aunt Ann with her recovery isn't our decision, is it? It's Ronny's."
She grimaced and shook her head. "I don't know, Jack. Can we put this off for a few days?"
I just looked at her and shook my head.
"I need to talk to Chelsea about this."
I stood up. "Ok. Forget it, then. I'm sorry I asked. Just... please... don't talk to Chelsea or Julia about this, ok? I promised Ronny I'd be discreet, and I've already violated that promise by telling you."
"Jack, I don't understand. You promised Ronny you'd be discreet about WHAT? This makes no sense!"
"Can I say something?" We both turned to see Ria standing in the doorway. She walked into the kitchen and sat beside Avery, laying her hand on her's. "I'm not going to pretend to understand all of the dynamics of your family after only a few months, but I can tell that you all love each other and on our first date together, Jack and I ran into your cousin Ronny, so I know a little about the confidence that Jack is keeping. Having said all that - I think what Jack is proposing is actually a pretty brave thing. Avery, I understand all of your reservations, but I don't think that Jack is going to abuse your ID. I think he'll go in and be right back out again as soon as possible." she looked at me. "Right, Jack?"
I nodded.
Avery shook her head and looked at each of us. "Alright, listen - I'll get you ready and dress you up. You can use my ID as long as you SWEAR that you won't drink BUT there are other stipulations, too. YOU are not driving. Ria is driving and I'm going along, too. We won't go in, we'll just wait in the car, but we'll be nearby, just in case, and this way, just in case a cop pulls the car over, the person driving the car has a legal license that was actually issued to her. That's the deal and there is no more negotiation. Ok?"
I looked at Ria who said, "I think that's reasonable."
"Alright," I nodded. "Thanks, Avery."
"Don't thank me yet. Do you remember how to shave your legs?"
I shrugged. "Sure."
"Well, go shower, wash and condition your hair..."
"I just showered last night..."
"... wash and condition your hair," she repeated, "because you aren't going to be wearing it up in a bun to go out clubbing. Then get ready for some prodding and plucking. Go on."
I showered and shaved and returned to the kitchen wearing my robe, but beneath it I had on the panties I'd worn to the Halloween party and I had myself tucked back securely. Avery started by putting my hair into curlers and treating them with some sort of setting lotion before putting a bonnet-dryer onto my head.
"I've only ever seen you guys use this a few times," I said.
"Because we all have our hair treated and cut and I have mine permed every six weeks to give it some body. Yours is as straight as mine would be without the perm, so if you want to look like me for this evening, you need to do it the old fashioned way."
She positioned the plastic bonnet so that my ears were sticking out, but all of my hair was covered so that she could still talk to me. Then she turned on the hair dryer and my scalp began to bake.
Ria appeared, leaned my head back onto the counter top and began icing my left eyebrow.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Numbing your eyebrow a bit. It'll make plucking it less painful."
My stomach turned a bit. "Oh. I hadn't thought of that. Will it be noticeable on Monday?"
"I don't know," she laughed. "Look at Avery. See how arched her brows are? Yours need to look the same. Do you think those will be noticeable on you on Monday?"
I looked at my cousin. Julia and Chelsea were damned near close to classically beautiful in the way that their faces and bodies had developed. Avery, though... Avery was that classic girl next door kind of girl. Apple faced, small chested, slight build - the perky tomboy who climbed trees until she was eighteen and then discovered that she could be a beautiful woman, you know? And I looked almost just like a male version of her.
"Yeah," I answered.
"Then, yeah." Ria smiled. "But maybe this will be a good opportunity for you to try out some of those pretty Christmas presents I bought you."
"Shh," I whispered.
"Yeah," Avery smiled, as she smeared something onto my lips. "Ria tells me that she gave you some very lovely clothes for Christmas and you not only haven't worn them, but you haven't shared them with me. We are the same size, Jack. Maybe I would like to wear them."
I rolled my eyes. "I'll show you later. What did you put on my lips? It feels funny."
"It's a lip filler. It plumps them a little to smooth out the rough parts. I use it every morning and night. I'm putting it on now and then again in a few hours. It'll help a little, but I'll still need to put a few coats of lipstick on to smooth everything out when the time comes. Of course, we're not doing lipstick for hours, yet."
"HEY! THAT HURTS!" I shouted louder than I'd intended when Ria began plucking.
"Oh, my goodness, what a baby," she laughed. "I first had my brows plucked when I was eight. Nepalese women have very hairy brows."
Avery began icing the other brow and was also laughing at me when we heard Julia enter the room. "Should I even ask what is going on in here?"
Avery shook her head. "Not if you want an honest answer. Suffice it to say that I'm making your brother look like me for the evening."
"Well, yeah. Of course. That makes perfect sense," Julia said, as she poured a glass of Orange juice. "Just a normal Friday morning. Might I ask why?"
"Ahh." Avery shook her head. "See, there's the problem. He's being pretty quiet about that."
"Is he, now?" Julia looked around the kitchen. "Where's Chelsea?"
"She went to her friend Fran's house to work on project. Probably won't be home till midnight or so," Avery explained.
"So, she doesn't know anything about this?" my sister asked, a little surprised.
"No." Avery sounded a little concerned.
Julia looked down at me. "What's going on, Jack?"
"I'm sorry, Jules, but I can't tell you?" I said.
"What do you mean 'you can't tell me?' What's so bad that you can't tell me? Since when do we keep secrets from each other?"
"I'm really sorry, Jules. I really am."
She looked at Avery. "Do you know what's going on?"
Avery sighed. "I'll tell you what I know, which isn't much. So - you know that Ronny has dropped off the the face of the earth, right?"
"Yes, thank God," Julia said.
"Well, Jacky doesn't feel the same way we do. He wants to make sure that Ronny knows that Aunt Ann is in the hospital."
Julia slapped my leg really hard. "Geez, Jacky, why can't you just leave well enough alone? Why do you always have to do the right thing?"
"Yeah," I said, "sorry about that. From now on, I'll try to be a jerk like everyone else."
"That would be helpful," Julia said. "So... what does any of that have to do with looking like Avery?"
"Well, apparently," Avery went on, "Ronny has moved, changed jobs and no longer spends his nights at Monaghan's, but, somehow, Jack knows where he does hang out, but for some reason won't tell us. So, tonight, he's going there dressed as Avery, with Avery's ID and talking to cousin Ronny." Speaking about herself using her name that way seemed to make the whole thing seem weirder than it actually was.
"And why doesn't Avery just go talk to him?" Julia asked, continuing to use Avery's name in that odd way.
"Because Jack won't let her," both Avery and Ria said.
"And Avery is ok with this?" Julia asked, more than a little shocked.
"Oh, no, no, no, no, Avery is most assuredly NOT ok with this," Avery said. "That is why Avery will be outside said bar in the car."
"But..." The wheels were turning in my sister's head. "... how can you drive if Jack has your license?"
"I'm driving," Ria, said, then added, "This eyebrow is done."
"So, you're both going?" Julia asked.
"Yes," they both said, as they exchanged sides.
"Well, then I'm going, too," Julia announced.
"No, you aren't," I insisted.
"Shut up," she snapped at me. "I am. I don't know what the heck you are up to, but I am not going to be the only one left out of it."
"Guys," I said, pleading, "Ronny has really made some big changes and I promised to keep those changes a secret. If we all show up there and Ronny sees that..."
"Oh, look," Julia said, interrupting me, "there are some stray hairs on his nipples."
"I didn't shave my..." I started to say, but my sister grabbed a hold of my left nipple and twisted it with all her might so that all I could manage to say was, "OUCH!"
"I'm sorry," she said as she released me, "you were saying?"
"Alright, all three of you can come, but for crying out loud, don't park right in front of the club. Alright?"
"Alright," Avery smiled.
"I like that technique," Ria laughed. "I'll have to remember that in case we ever have an argument in the future."
"That really hurt, you know," I said to my sister.
"It worked, though didn't it?" she laughed.
"You wouldn't like it if I did it to you, would you?" I asked, trying to point out that she had been pretty violent in her method.
"No, Jack I would not, and I apologize for using such extreme methods - HOWEVER - I would like to point out that inside of those lacy, nylon panties that you're wearing, you do have an appendage that is probably much more sensitive than my nipple. So, should you ever decide to twist my nipple..."
The girls were all laughing at her threat.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I said as I let the whole thing drop.
"Come here," Avery instructed Julia. "Hold this ice on his ear lobe while I go get a needle"
"GET A WHAT!?" I screamed as Julia moved into position.
"She's going to get a piercing needle. Relax. We bought a kit years ago. We've all done each other's ears. It doesn't hurt... much. The ice will numb you earlobes." she pulled her hair back to expose her ears. "Look. Mom took me to have my ears pierced when I was like ten years old. I got one hole put in at the mall. Now, I've got three in my lobe and a few around the top and side. Avery and Chelsea did those and I did theirs. It's no big deal. Honest."
"But... then they'll be a hole in my ears."
"Yeah, but it'll heal if you take the ring out. Of course, if you decide to keep it, then you can keep it."
"I think you should keep it," Ria said. "I like earrings. I think they'd look nice on you."
Now, why would that make my heart do flip flops in my chest? I don't know, but it did.
Avery came back with the piercing kit which, besides the needles, some alcohol pads and some corks to place behind the ear, came with a selection of studs.
"What do you think? Which studs should we use?" Avery asked.
For some bizarre reason, I could not see the selection, but the three girls all gathered around the box.
Ria looked at me and smiled. "Well, if it were up to me, I'd go with the little daisies, but since he's going to a club, maybe these would be best."
My sister and cousin agreed, and the holes were made, quite painlessly, actually, and the earrings were installed. I was forbidden from seeing them until my hair was done drying, though.
Soon, my eyebrows were done and I was allowed to sit upright. At that point, what little extra flab I had on my chest was gathered up and duct tape was applied beneath it to give me just a little bit of a hint of natural cleavage. Then the push-up bra I'd worn on Halloween was added and the girls went to work on my nails.
Luckily - and I'm using that word sarcastically - there were some at home -acrylic-nails in the house and those were attached to me, then filed and colored. You know, for The Black Swan, none of that was necessary, so my nails were just painted black and a clear polish was put on top of that.
When, at last, my nails were done, Avery checked my hair and pronounced it dry, too, but also made it clear that it was not coming out of the curlers, just yet.
"I'm taking it out of the bonnet and I'm going to give it a good spraying, alright. Then, we're going to have some lunch and relax for a bit before I do your makeup. After that, I'll brush it out and get you ready to go out. Are we clear?"
"Yes," I said.
Grateful to finally be able to stand again, I got up and flexed a little. "Is there a mirror?" I asked.
"There is," Ria laughed, "but trust me, baby, you do not want to see yourself right now. Curlers and red skin around your eyebrows is not an attractive look."
"That bathrobe doesn't help either," Julia laughed as she gave my butt a playful slap.
"Ohh, ohh, ohh," Ria suddenly thought of something. "This is the perfect time to wear the nightgown I gave you for Christmas!"
Avery laughed and Julia's jaw dropped.
"You gave him a nightgown for Christmas?" my sister asked.
"Yeah," Avery said through guffaws, "and apparently two dresses."
"Where is it?" Ria asked excitedly.
There was no point in being coy about it, now. "In white boxes at the bottom of my closet."
She practically sprinted down the hallway and was back seconds later with all three boxes. She pulled the Buffalo plaid granny gown out of the box to the laughter and applause of the others.
"Oh, that's just adorable!" Avery laughed.
"Jacky, why haven't you been wearing that?" Julia laughed. "It looks so warm!"
"Yeah, very funny!" I said. "Imagine the ribbing that all of you would give me if I walked out of the bed room in that."
"Oh, don't be a baby," Avery teased, still laughing. "Put it on. It'll be more comfortable."
I did and to tell you the truth, it was.
It was just like a really, really, really soft flannel shirt that went all the way to my knees. And it was so nice and warm! I've heard girls refer to their clothes as 'snuggly' and always thought it was such a silly thing to say, but this was snuggly - honest to goodness, that's the first thing that came to mind.
"Do you like it?" Ria asked me once I was wearing it.
"It's really comfortable, Ria. Thank you, but you do understand why I can't wear it around the house, don't you?"
"I do, but I think it's silly." She shook her head.
"Oh, this is cute!" I heard Avery say. I turned and I saw her looking at the sweater/overall-dress combination. "Jacky this is adorable!"
"Isn't it?" Ria agreed. "I'm dying to take him out in that."
"You're crazy, Jack," Julia shook her head, as she moved towards the last box. "You enjoy cross dressing and you have a girlfriend who wants to dress you up and you are too much of a coward to... oh my God, look at this dress."
"Holy Moses!" Avery gasped looking at the navy blue, 1961 classic dress that Ria had purchased for me from a retro fashion shop in the city. "Jack, if you're not going to wear this, please, please, please let me. This is just beautiful."
"He's wearing it when we go to Boston to see the show." Ria smiled.
"You are?" Both Julia and Avery asked simultaneously.
"Maybe," I said.
"Oh, you are," Ria said, with a whisked smile. "If you're willing to do all of this for your cousin, you can wear that beautiful dress that I gave you for me. End of story." she looked at Avery. "After that, I'll be happy if he shares his pretty dress with you."
Suddenly, Avery was pulling my nightgown over my head. "Come on, Jack. Try it on. I have to know what it looks like on me."
"Seriously?"
"Yes, seriously! Jack, I have been a bridesmaid in two weddings and gone to three proms and I've never worn a dress this beautiful. I want to see what it looks like on me. Now, I've worked hard on you today, PUT THAT GODDAMNED DRESS ON!"
She was only teasing, of course, but she was excited, in truth, I wanted to try it on, too.
"There are pumps in there, too," Ria said. "He'll need stockings."
"Oh, Avery, look at theses!" Julia held up a pair of navy blue pumps with three inch, very narrow, but not quite spike, heels, shallow sides then the part that covered the toes, the part that I NOW know is called the toe box, was swallow, so that it would barely cover the wearer's toes, and they came to a drastic point.
Avery gasped at the classic beauty of the shoes, ran to Ria, grabbed her, kissed her full on the mouth and said, "Break up with him and marry me!" Then ran down the corridor to her room.
Ria looked at me and laughed, then Avery appeared moments later with a pair of pantyhose that had a dark black tint to them. "Here. You can wear these with your outfit tonight, too."
I bunched the first leg as I'd been taught and started it, then the second and eased the pantyhose up my legs.
The dress came with a petticoat. It was a slightly less dark shade of blue. It wasn't insanely wide, like the petticoats of the nineteen fifties, but it had a flare to it. I put that on, then Avery and Ria lowered the dress over my curler-covered head.
It really was a work of art. A kind of under dress with thin layers of chiffon over it and these lovely silvery decorations embroidered here and there on the shoulders. It was high waisted and, due to the petticoat, flared dramatically.
The neckline was very modest, as was the style of the time, and the sleeves puffed high before floating loosely down to very delicate, long cuffs that had six little, fussy, silver buttons.
"The shoes," Avery said, excited. "Put the shoes on."
Julia held my arms to steady me while Ria put the shoes on my feet.
When they were done, I looked at Avery who was standing with her hand over her mouth and shaking her head.
"What do you think?" Ria asked.
"I think lunch is going to have to wait," Avery said. "We're going to have to do his hair and makeup, now. I want pictures of me in my new dress."
"Oh, come on," I whined, "I haven't even had breakfast."
"Too bad, tough guy," my cousin said. "You're the one who wanted to get all prettied up. The ball's in motion, now. Go sit down, and be careful not to wrinkle my dress, young lady!"
Then she turned to Ria and said, "I'm dead serious about what I said before. If you ever want to break up with him, I'm available. I mean, I'm not usually into girls, but I'm definitely into dresses like that."
Ria laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."
The makeup went quickly, although I'm not a big fan of fake eyelashes. You do get used to them, but they just are just a bit bothersome to me.
The hair was a lot of hard work for me, though.
You may recall that Avery said she was going to spray it. Well, she must have used a half a can of spray on it before she started on my makeup. So when she pulled out the curlers and started running a brush through it, it felt as if she was trying to run the brush through a solid block of glue. And of course, when I complained, I was ridiculed for being a baby.
Eventually, the hairspray did relinquish its hold, yet maintain its body, which was Avery's goal, and after about forty five minutes of fussing, cussing, swearing and some touch up with a curling iron, she was satisfied with the results. She did, however, change the studs that were in my ears before allowing me to stand up.
Before allowing me to see myself in a mirror, she ran down to her room and did a quick makeup job on herself, putting on the dress and shoes that I'd be wearing that evening.
When she returned to the kitchen, she dragged me into the living room and had me stand in front of the TV, where every Easter, Christmas and prom picture had been taken since we were babies and she had Julia take a picture of the two of us side by side.
She took the phone from Julia and showed me the picture. "Look, Jacky. We're the twins now."
It was the truth, too. Julia and I were biological twins, and we looked as if we were related, but Avery had made us look absolutely identical - except her dress looked lovely and my dress looked extraordinary.
"Don't we look nice?"
We certainly did. My hair and makeup was done with a bit more care, and of course... my dress was much nicer. My mother and her sisters loved old movies and TV shows and since we'd only had one TV until a few years ago, I had seen lots of period shows and movies growing up. No one was ever going to mistake me for Marilyn Monroe or Mary Tyler Moore, but my slight build lent me towards the Audrey Hepburn style of the early sixties and that's exactly what this dress had been styled for.
"Come on, Jack, say something," Avery laughed.
"Oh... ahh, yes, we look pretty," I said. "Very pretty."
"Do you like the dress?" Ria asked.
"I think he's a little overwhelmed by the dress, actually." Julia smiled. "Aren't you, Jacky?"
"Umm... yeah..." I sputtered. "I guess that's a good way to put it. I'm kind of... overwhelmed. It is very beautiful."
"And you look beautiful in it, Jack," Ria said, kissing my cheek. "So do you, Avery," she said with a smile.
"And look,"Avery said, making the picture larger near my face, "you're wearing my amethyst studs. Don't they looks great with that dress? You can wear them to Boston."
"If I wear the dress to Boston," I insisted.
"You'll be wearing the dress to Boston," Avery said with authority.
"You do look awfully nice in it," Julia said, quietly. "Does it feel nice to wear?"
"It feels amazing," I answered, just as quietly.
She smiled, then said quietly, so only I could hear. "So, you like it, you look great in it, it makes Ria happy and no one will know you there. What's the problem?"
I shrugged. "Well, there's mom, of course, and... I need to think about it. I guess I'm just not ready to say yes just yet."
She laughed. "I get it. Manly pride and all that."
Then I laughed. "Do I look like I have any manly pride?"
"Ok, I need a picture of me in my dress all by myself," Avery said. "Jack, move over by the curtains. That's it. Perfect. Smile. Great."
"You're not going to post that anywhere, are you?" I asked.
She snickered. "Where could I post it? If my mother saw it, I'd have to explain where the dress came from. What would I say? 'Oh, that's actually Jack's dress.' We'd both have a lot to answer for, then. I just want to have a picture so I can remember how beautiful it is. I'll figure out an occasion I can wear it to later. But, believe me, I will figure out an occasion."
"Ok, well, since the ball isn't tonight, maybe we should get Cinderella out of her gown," Ria suggested.
"Yeah," I agreed. "Besides, I'm really hungry."
"Ok," Julia said, "you two get him undressed and I'll make some chicken and rice soup."
About ten minutes later, I was back in my Buffalo plaid nightgown and happily slurping Campbell's chicken and rice soup with oyster crackers from a soup mug with my name on it and feeling much better.
At seven thirty, some repair work was done on my makeup, mostly my lipstick, and I put on the dress that Avery had worn earlier. It was a pretty, medium-gray and red, long sleeved sheath that fit loosely so as not to give away my feminine short comings. It was pretty, but certainly a bit disappointing after the dress I'd worn that afternoon.
Being January in Massachusetts, I needed a coat, so I borrowed one from Avery. It was nice, too. A loose fitting, wool coat that looked almost childish, but cute as heck, too.
Ria borrowed some clothes from Julia and out we all headed at eight o'clock.
When we reached, The Right Place, I was once again reminded that I was not to drink any alcohol and I was to return to the car as soon as possible.
"Can I ask a question?" Julia asked before I exited the car.
"What?" I asked.
"Well... I'm just wondering why we're at a gay bar to find Ronny?"
Avery looked at Julia, then at me. "Really? Is Ronny gay?"
I looked at Julia. "Who told you this is a gay bar?"
"Nobody, but... there's this guy I work with and he's gay and into cross dressing and when he dresses, this is where he goes. He always talks about how cool this place is. That's all."
"Maybe they're just open minded," I suggested with a shrug.
"Jacky," Avery looked at me, askance, "I don't think I'd ever describe Ronny as 'open minded.' Has he been staying away from us because he's afraid to come out to us?"
"Honestly, I don't know anything about that," I said, and I was telling the truth. I didn't have a clue about Ronny's sexuality. "I just know Ronny hangs out here. I'd better get in there."
"Be careful," Julia warned.
"No drinking!" Avery said once more.
"Call if you need us," Ria said as I closed the door and my heels clicked on the asphalt as I crossed the street.
"ID, please," the man at the door said when I got there.
I reached into Avery's purse and pulled out her wallet, then produced her license. The man looked at it and smiled. "Thanks, Miss. Have a good night." Then I entered a bar for the first time, ever.
It was a little early, but there were plenty of people in the bar. A little uncertain of the procedures, I found seat at the back of the horseshoe shaped bar that allowed me to see the majority of the establishment and I ordered a Sprite with a lime. I couldn't believe the five dollar cost for a few ounces of soda, but paid it and then waited and looked around.
It took a while, but as I ordered my third Sprite, I noticed that the woman ordering a drink across the bar from me was the woman who had accosted me outside the bar the night I'd given Ronny money. I sat and watched as she got her drink, then watched to see where she went to sit back down. Sure enough, Ronny was sitting at that table with her.
Ok, Ronny was there. What to do now?
I decided to take a cue from Ronny's play book. I called the bartender over. "Excuse me. See that woman over there in the corner with the green jacket on?"
The bartender scanned the crowd for a moment, then spotted who I meant. "Oh, Ronny?"
I laughed. "Yes, Ronny. Do you know what she's drinking?"
He shrugged. "Typically, Coors Light."
Well, not everything had changed. I opened Avery's purse and pulled out her wallet, which contained MY money, by the way. "Can I send a Coors Light over to Ronny?"
He smiled. "Sure. Do you want her to know it's from you?"
'Oh, absolutely." I smiled.
The bartender raised his eyebrows as he took the money. "No offense, honey, but I think you're a little younger, and a little girlier, than most of Ronny's hookups."
"We'll see," I said, with my biggest smile.
He pulled out a bottle of the beer and called over a waitress. He explained the situation, indicated me, then Ronny and put the bottle on the waitress' tray. The waitress smiled at me and headed towards Ronny.
Just then someone sat next to me. "Hi," he said to me.
I looked to my left and realized that the newcomer was talking to me. "Oh, hi," I smiled at him, a bit surprised by his friendliness.
"I'm Cameron," he said, extending a hand.
"Avery," I said, shaking his hand, but focusing on the waitress.
The waitress put the beer in front of Ronny and pointed at me. I saw Ronny smiling and looking in my direction, trying to see who had sent the beer. I waved, but she looked past me several times before spotting me, but when she did see me, her smile disappeared and her face grew just a little angry. I saw her say something to her friends then stand and head in my direction.
"Avery?" Cameron asked.
"Hmm? What?" I asked. I'd actually forgotten he was there.
"I asked you if you'd like to join me at my table."
"Oh, umm, no, thank you. You see, I'm actually here to meet..."
"Forget it, Cam," Ronny said as she arrived. "This is my cousin, Avery. She's a cis-woman. Nothing here of interest to you, I'm afraid."
"Oh, what a shame," Cameron said, standing up. "I thought we were in for a hell of a weekend together, Avery." He smiled and went his own way.
"Alright, Avery. Let's go." Ronny said, taking my arm rather roughly.
"No, I'm not leaving, Ronny..."
She got very close to my ear and spoke very tersely, "Avery, I'm not kidding. Look, you've seem 'Ronny The Freak Show,' it's time to go, alright? I'm going to kill that goddamned Jack. Get your coat."
"Ronny, I'm not..."
"NOW, AVERY," Ronny said, louder, I think, than she'd intended.
"Is there a problem here?" A bouncer, well, I assume he was a bouncer, he was more of a mountain of human flesh than any man I'd ever seen before, was suddenly right next to me. "Is this person bothering you, Ron?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, she is, Ken. This is my cousin, Avery. She is a straight woman. She's her to ridicule me and I'd like you to remove her."
"Alright, Miss, come with me," the mountain said, moving me towards the door.
"NO, WAIT!" I called, without trying to make a scene. "RONNY, IM NOT AVERY, IT'S ME - JACK. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT."
Ronny was turning to walk away, but stopped. "Jack? Really?"
"Yeah, Ronny. I'm Jack. I swear. We talked outside of this place a few months ago, remember?"
Ronny looked confused for a moment, then held up his hand for the mountain to stop moving me towards the door. "What's so important?"
I looked at the human mountain and hoped he'd leave, but he didn't. "It's your mom. She fell on the ice the other day. She got really badly hurt. She's in the hospital."
Ronny went pale and just stunned for a moment.
The mountain was growing impatient. "What do you want me to do, Ronny."
"Let her go, Ken. She's my cousin. She's with me."
Ken walked away and I could see that Ronny was pretty conflicted about what to do, so I put my hand on her shoulder. "Hey. You ok?"
"I don't know, Jack. This is... unexpected. Ummm... get your coat and purse and come with me. We'll find someplace to talk."
We stopped by Ronny's table where I was surprised to be introduced as her cousin. Then she led me to a booth where a couple was sitting. Ronny spoke to the two women, who seemed to know her, and explained the situation and asked if we could sit there for a few minutes to talk. The women were very gracious and actually joined Ronny's friends while we spoke.
Once we were seated, I explained the situation, what had happened, how we found his mother, what had already been done for her and what we expected to be done in the next few days and I waited for Ronny's response.
"So, you went with her to the hospital and stayed with her. You told them you were her son?"
"Yeah," I said.
Ronny sniffled a little. "Jack... that means a lot to me. I can't thank you enough for taking care of her like that."
"It's ok, Ronny. She's my aunt. Why wouldn't I?"
Ronny just seemed to be thinking for a long long time, so eventually I asked a question. "So... are you going to go to the hospital, then?"
When Ronny looked at me, I saw devastation on her face. "How can I, Jack? Look at me? I'm not her son. This would kill her."
"Ronny, come on, she needs you."
"I know, but..." She grabbed her breasts. "Jack... these aren't fake. These are real. I had these implanted. These are 'D' cup breasts. I can't hide them. I've had work done on my face, too. She'd see that. Christ Almighty, Jack, it'd be easier to tell her I'm dead than to tell her that I'm a trans-woman. She won't understand that! Neither will your mother or Aunt Mary."
I shrugged. "Maybe they will, Ron. I don't know. Maybe we should at least give them a chance to disappoint us before we write them off, don't you think?"
He shook his head. "What did the girls say when you told them?"
"I didn't."
She squinted at me, trying to figure that out. "Avery knows, though."
I shook my head.
"Then... how did you pull this off?"
"Ronny," I reached across and took her hand, "what you never seemed to understand is that we are a family. I love my sister, and I love my cousins like sisters, and that includes you. Now, granted, you make it a lot harder than Avery and Chelsea do, but I still love you. See, that's why I'm here. Now, I think that, deep down, the girls love you, too, but you've made it pretty tough on them to do that. Regardless, though, they do love me, and they love your mother. So, when I asked Avery to help me to help your mother, she said yes."
"She dressed you like her and she gave you her ID so you could get in here?"
"She did."
"No questions asked?"
"Lots of questions asked, but very few answered. Actually, she didn't entirely trust me with her ID. Julia and Avery and my girlfriend, Ria - you met her at The Flying Rhino that night - are outside in the car. But I swear, Ronny, they don't know any more about you than this is where you hang out, now."
She nodded. "So your mom and Aunt Mary are at the hospital?"
"Yep."
"All night?"
"Yep."
"And Chelsea?"
I looked at my watch. "She should be home in an hour or so."
Ronny took in a deep breath and then let it out in a long, slow exhale as if she had a straw in her mouth. "Alright, alright, alright," she muttered as if she was making up her own mind, more than speaking to me. Then she looked at me. "Jack... I gotta tell ya... I am really not ready for this, but I can't see any way out of it. I'm going to need your help to get through it, though."
"Why do you think I'm here, Ronny?" I stood up and opened my arms. Ronny stood and wrapped her arms around me, too. I could feel her shaking.
"I don't have a car. Can I ride home with you?" she asked
"Yeah, of course. What about clothes?"
"I'll deal with that in the morning. Right now I think I'd better talk to you and the girls before I chicken out." I let her go and she had tears in her eyes. "Jack... I don't know..."
I took her hand. "Let's just say goodbye to your friends and hello to your family for now, ok?"
"Ok."
While Ronny explained to her friends and made arrangements to come pick up clothes the next day, I sent a text to the car. 'RONNY'S COMING HOME WITH US. BE COOL ABOUT EVERYTHING'
Julia sent a text back. 'BE COOL ABOUT WHAT? IS HE DRUNK?'
I text back, 'NOT AT ALL. JUST BE COOL. I'M SERIOUS.'
One of Ronny's friends said to me, "Ronny says you don't dress a lot?"
"I haven't, no."
"You should, sweetie. You're hot. You could get a guy in a heartbeat."
I smiled and I pulled on Avery's wool coat. "Thanks. I have a girlfriend."
"No shit!?" she said in a cartoonishly shocked voice. "Does she like you like this."
I rolled my eyes. "As a matter of fact, for Christmas, she gave me two dresses. I never had the courage to wear them until today."
"Oh, she's a keeper, girl," she said, slapping my arm. "Did she give you this coat, cause I LOVE this?"
"No, this is my cousins."
"Your cousin loans you clothes, too? Oh, you live a charmed life, girl! A charmed life!" Then she shocked me by kissing my cheek. "Come back and see us, again."
When we got to the car, I opened the front, passenger door, where I had been sitting, and I let Ronny sit there. She sat in the seat and turned to everyone and said a very quiet 'hi' to everyone, but the only one who replied was Ria.
I sat behind her in the back seat, beside Julia, with Avery on the other side. "Avery. Julia. Say hello to Ronny."
They just stared for a moment before finally Avery said, "Hi, Ronny. So... What'cha been up to lately?"
To Be Continued...
The Good Son - 4
Author:
Audience Rating:
Publication:
Genre:
Character Age:
Taxonomy upgrade extras:
Permission:
As Jack tells his story, you'll see what I mean.
Author's Note: I love to read comments, pro and con, but I'd also just love for you to check in and let me know that you're doing ok. ~Clara.
This version of The Good Son: 4 has been updated with many corrections towards spelling and grammar.~Sephrena.
Image Credit: Image created through the use of ai at https://perchance.org/beautiful-people .~Sephrena.
Chapter 4
When we got to the car, I opened the front, passenger door, where I had been sitting, and I let Ronny sit there. She sat in the seat and turned to everyone and said a very quiet 'hi' to everyone, but the only one who replied was Ria.
I sat behind her in the back seat, beside Julia, with Avery on the other side. "Avery. Julia. Say hello to Ronny."
They just stared for a moment before finally Avery said, "Hi, Ronny. So... What'cha been up to lately?" It was a weird thing to say, but it was funny enough to make everyone laugh and relax a little so that the ride home wasn't as awkward as it might have been.
When we got home, Ronny told us a bit of her story. She told us that, growing up, she'd been jealous of the girls in the house and always found herself attracted to men. Those things scared her and to mask that, she had started drinking heavily at a young age and acting out.
"If you don't think I knew that I was an asshole, you're mistaken," she said. "I just didn't know how not to be one."
"Ronny," Julia said, looking at our cousin with sympathy for the first time ever, "why didn't you ever talk to us? I mean... we were all right there all that time."
Ronny smiled, but the smile was a little sad. "Jules... would you have been sympathetic... or would you have laughed?"
Julia thought for a moment. "We were never very close, but I don't think I would have laughed, Ronny. I really don't."
Ronny raised her eyebrows, not sure if she believed her.
"You never gave us a chance, Ronny," Avery said. "You just assumed we'd let you down. Maybe we would have, but... I'd like to think that we wouldn't have if you'd reached out to us."
Ria had been pretty quiet the whole time until then. "Of course, I'm pretty new to all of this, but it seems to me like, when Jack reached out to you, you were the one who let him down."
Ronny looked at me and nodded. "Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I? You know, I was really ticked off by your tenacity, Jack, but I should have been grateful for it. Come here."
She stood up and held up her arms spread, as I had done in the bar. I stood and received the hug the way she had done. "I'm sorry, Jack. I'm really sorry. It's going to take some time to learn how NOT to be an asshole."
"You're getting there, Ronny," I teased. "One step at a time."
We heard the backdoor open and close and we all held our breath for a moment waiting to see who might enter the room. Luckily, it was Chelsea. She stopped dead in her tracks, though, at the sight of what she thought was her sister hugging a stranger.
"Oh...umm... hello..." she said, then looked around the room for a moment and became more confused. "Ok... what's going on here?" She pointed at me. "Avery, or Jack?"
"Jack," I said.
"Ok," she said, then she stepped forward and extended her hand. "And this is?"
"Ronny," Ronny said, extending her hand.
"Ronny... RONNY! HOLY SHIT!" Chelsea was almost frightened and took a step back. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?"
"Come on Chelsea, calm down," Avery said, "Ronny is here to talk to us about his - I'm sorry Ronny - about her changes."
"And Jack? Are you joining 'Team Estrogen?'" Chelsea said with very little sympathy, but with rather uncharacteristic snark. In fact it was a rather harsh remark.
"Alright," I said with more authority than I would have expected of me, "that attitude is going to stop right now. Ronny has been avoiding us because he didn't want to deal with that kind of bullshit, Chelsea. So, knock it off, right now. Ronny's your cousin and deserving of your respect, do you understand me?"
When I'd finished my scolding, Chelsea's face had gone from a look of superiority to a look of embarrassment. She nodded and looked from me to Ronny and back again. "Ok. You're right, Jack. Ronny, I'm sorry. I was just taking advantage of an opportunity to get back at you and I shouldn't have. How are you? I... I mean... Are you ok... you know what I mean... Are you happy... now... like this?" She had softened a bit, but her standoffishness was still obvious. She was being cold in a way that was unusual for Chelsea.
Ronny smiled a little at Chelsea's inability to find her footing. I think she was trying to be sympathetic. "Yeah, Chelsea, I am. Thank you for asking. I feel like I've finally found myself. I have a good job, good friends, and... thanks to Jack... I'm trying to find my way back into the family and help my mom."
Chelsea nodded. "Well, that's great, Ronny, but I don't think that The Mom's are going to be one hundred percent accepting of you like this - especially at this particular moment." She took off her jacket and looked at me. "Jacky, I assume that you looking like my little sister has something to do with Ronny being here?"
I nodded.
"So... is there a plan?" she asked.
"We're working on one," I said. "If you have any ideas, we're open to suggestions."
No one did, so after a while, we called it a night.
It kind of killed me to shower after all the time that we'd spent on my hair, but Aunt Ann was going to wake up the next day and I wanted to be there, so having 'Avery hair' was not in the cards.
Ronny slept in her bed at our house for the first time in ages, Ria slept in mine and I slept on the couch, again. Despite encouragement from all parties, except Chelsea, who still seemed oddly bothered by Ronny's presence, I did not wear my flannel nightgown to bed. Yes, it would have been warmer, but I was concerned that my mother or aunt might surprise me in the night and that it just wasn't the right time for that kind of discussion. So, it was a warm pair of sweat pants and a warm sweat shirt.
The next morning, Chelsea drove Ria home and then drove me to the hospital on her way to work, while Avery and Julia drove Ronny to her apartment to pick up some clothes.
After dropping off Ria, I asked Chelsea if she was upset about Ronny being back. She hemmed and hawed before finally answering. "Jack... Ronny and I have a... complicated history, I guess is a good way to put it. He's ten years older than you, Jack. He's six years older than me. When he was eighteen, I was twelve and you were eight... well... a lot happened that an eight year old probably wasn't aware of."
"Like what?" I asked, knowing I probably didn't want to know the answer.
Chelsea sighed. "Look, Jack... One afternoon, I was babysitting you and Jules... my mom and yours had taken Avery to her soccer game... Aunt Ann was working... and... Ronny was wherever Ronny got to back then." I could tell that this was not something Chelsea was comfortable talking about, but after a moment or two, she continued. "Well, he came home drunk. Really drunk. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even remember it happening, but... he got pretty handsy and... then tried to..." she stumbled on her words. "... you know..."
"Tried to what?" I asked, assuming that what I was thinking wasn't possible.
"He tried to rape me, Jacky."
"Holy cow, Chelsea, did you tell your mom?"
'Of course I did, Jack. I told your mom, too.
"And?"
"And... nothing. Ronny was drunk, they said. He was just acting like his father. They said he PROBABLY was so drunk that he couldn't have done anything anyway and I shouldn't have been wearing shorts that short in front of him... other crap like that. Then my mother told me to watch myself when he was like that and..." she got quiet.
"And what?" I couldn't imagine that they just let that go unpunished.
"And life went on."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. No wonder she hated him so much. "Geez, Chelsea, I'm so sorry. I didn't know anything about this."
She shrugged. "Neither do Avery of Jules, Jacky. Don't tell them, ok? It's not something I want to talk about." She drove on for a little bit, then said, "I suppose I should be happy that he's getting himself gelded eventually, shouldn't I?"
I didn't know what else to do and laughing certainly didn't seem like the right thing at the moment, so I just reached over and took her right hand off the steering wheel and held it as we rode on.
When I got to the hospital, I found my mom and Aunt Mary in the critical care unit where I'd left Aunt Ann. Both of them hugged me and they told me that the doctors were going to revive Aunt Ann slowly.
"Your mom is in a kind of twilight right now," the doctor said, referring to my aunt, assuming that she was my mother. "We've just removed the breathing tube and we're going to wake her up a little more, now. She may say some odd things, but don't worry about that. It's just the anesthesia."
Aunt Ann began to stir.
"Hey, Annie," my Aunt Mary said in a sweet voice, "how are you feeling?"
"Oh, I feel awful," Aunt Ann moaned. "Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital, Annie," my mother said in that same voice my Aunt Mary had used.
It occurred to me that I'd never heard my Aunt Ann spoken to in such loving tones before. It was kind of sweet to hear it now.
"Why am I in the hospital?"
"You fell, honey," Aunt Mary said.
"Don't you remember, Annie. Jack found you on the ice. He rode with you in the ambulance," my mother offered.
"I don't remember the ice or falling, but I remember the ambulance," Aunt Ann said. "Jacky said he loved me and told me not to die."
My mother's right hand went to her mouth, and her left hand waved me towards the bed, but she wouldn't look at me. Her voice was breaking as she spoke and she sniffled a little. "Jack's here, Annie. He's here to be with you."
I took my aunt's hand and leaned down low. "Hi, auntie. It's Jack."
"Hi, Jacky." She said and I swear she smiled a little. "Jacky... I didn't die." Her voice was weak and surprisingly sincere.
"No..." I laughed a little. "You didn't die. Thank you for that." I kissed her hand. "I'm really happy that you didn't."
"Jacky... did you find Ronny like you promised?" I was more than a little shocked that my aunt had heard that promise, but like I said, she'd definitely reacted when I'd made it.
"Oh, Annie," Aunt Mary said, "no one knows where Ronnie is. You can't expect Jack to..."
"Yes I did," I interrupted. "I found Ronny for you. I brought Ronny home."
"Honey," my mother said quietly, "don't make promises you can't keep. Your aunt is in a very fragile state right now..."
"I'm telling the truth, mom. I went through a lot last night, but I found Ronny last night. Last night, Ronny stayed at our house." I was very careful to avoid any pronouns.
"Then why isn't he here with his mother, right now?" my mother asked a bit annoyed, but still speaking quietly.
"It's a little complicated. Avery and Julia are with Ronny now, getting clothes and things like that so that Ronny can help with Aunt Ann's recovery when she comes home."
"So he'll be staying with us?" Aunt Mary asked.
"For now, yes. I don't know about work, but as far as sleeping and helping out with Aunt Ann's recovery... yes."
I saw a look of concern pass between my mother and aunt and I wondered if it might be related to the story that Chelsea had told me in the car.
We all sat with my Aunt Ann for several hours, until she got too tired and needed to sleep. When she drifted off, we stepped out into the hall to speak.
"Do you guys want to go home to shower and get some rest?" I asked. "I can stay here for the night." Had I been thinking, I would have realized that having them go home without me would mean them seeing Ronny without me and that would not be a good thing.
My mother hugged me. "Somethings I think you belong in another family. You're way too nice to belong in ours." I laughed, but she continued. "I think we'll stay here one more night, though. We've each brought one more change of clothes, we can shower here and now that Ann is awake, we should stay in case she needs us. We'll go home tomorrow and get ready for the work week."
"Ok," I said, with a nod. "Let me know if you need anything."
I started to leave, but Aunt Mary stopped me with a question. "Jacky, what's going on with Ronny?"
I tried to play innocent. "What do you mean?"
"Well, there was no sign of him at Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years... he hasn't even called his mother in months... Now, you say you found him, but he can't be bothered to be here when his mother is coming out of anesthesia. Is he drunk? Strung out? What's going on?"
"Actually, no. Ronny's doing better than ever, in fact." I hoped they'd just let it drop, but no such luck.
My mother folded her arms and gave me that 'stink eye' look. "What aren't you telling us, John?"
Before I got to the whole 'John Kennedy Richards' thing again, I figured the most mature thing to do was to tell them the truth - at least some of the truth. "Ok, look... Ronny has been going through a lot and you need to be supportive, ok?"
My mom and her sisters all looked really similar, but right now, with the two of them staring me down, their arms folded and both of them giving me the same 'stink eye,' they looked like two heads on some weird mythical creature.
"Supportive of WHAT, exactly?" Aunt Mary spat.
"Well..." I took a deep breath and prepared myself. "Ronny has found that she is a..." I never finished.
"SHE!?" My mother said.
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," Aunt Mary let out a sardonic laugh as she slapped a hand to her forehead and turned away from me.
"This is NOT happening in our house, Jack," my mother stated emphatically. "Not now, not ever, but CERTAINLY NOT NOW!"
"You tell Ronny to put on his big boy pants and act like a man or get THE HELL OUT OF OUR HOUSE, JACK!" My aunt screamed at me in a rage like I'd never seen before.
"Mom, Auntie," I tried to be rational and calm them down and also get some control over what was happening in this public place, "I don't think you understand. Ronny didn't just throw a dress on or something like that. She's been living as a woman for months. She's made changes in her life and to her body. She's a different person than she was the last time you saw her."
"Oh, Christ Almighty," my mother hissed, "Ronny is still the same obnoxious, self centered, spoilt little asshole that he's always been and he's not going to pull the wool over my eyes by wearing a dress. You tell him, Jack, he looks like a man by noon tomorrow or he leaves that house. Is that clear?"
"No, mom, I am not tell her that."
"Oh, God, Mary, do you hear this? 'Her?' Ronny wants to be called 'her.' Jack, I have enough on my plate right now and I do not need this. Just get him out of my house."
I hated to be the bad guy in this conversation, but... "Mom, it's not 'YOUR' house. It's 'OUR' house. And even if you don't think of it as being owned by the 'kids,' it is Aunt Ann's house, too, and Ronny is Aunt Ann's kid. Now, please don't be the way you're being. Just give Ronny a chance. She's really changed and she needs her family now and so does Aunt Ann."
My mother and her sister just looked at each other and shook her heads without saying anything. The silence went on for so long that I couldn't take it any more.
"What if it was me who was a trans-woman, mom? Would you feel the same? Would you just throw me out, too?" I asked. They were both silent for way too long. "Well? Would you?"
"YES!" My mother finally exploded at me. "Yes, Jack, I would. I told you I didn't like this dressing up stuff that you do sometimes, but that seems to be something that the world is ok with. But this 'trans' stuff... it's wrong, Jack. It's unnatural and it's just a trend that we're all going to have to pay for at some point down the line when half the men in the world have destroyed themselves. It's absolutely ridiculous and I will not play any part in it."
I could not believe what I was hearing. My mother had always been a fairly caring and understanding person. I never expected anything like this from her.
"Aunt Mary," I turned to her for support, "you don't feel that way, do you?"
She nodded before she spoke. "Yeah, Jacky, I do. I agree with your mom a hundred per cent. This whole trans-gender thing... it's unholy, Jack."
"Unholy!?" I was shocked. "My God. Do you know how hard I had to work to convince Ronny that her family would love her no matter what? I thought we were more than just people who lived in the same house... I thought..." I could feel my emotions getting the better of me and I knew that I had to be careful or I'd start to cry like a child, and I certainly didn't want to do that. So I took a deep breath and steadied myself. "I guess it doesn't matter what I thought. We're only a family as long as we don't need each other, right?"
I turned to leave and I heard my aunt say, "Jack, don't be so melodramatic. Come back."
I did turn around. "Melodramatic? Should I have just let my aunt, your sister come to the hospital by herself? That's what your daughters and my sister thought. In fact, when my mother found out I'd come with her, she sounded mad at me. But guess what, when she woke up just now, she remembered that I was there. So why did I do it? Because we're family, and I thought that's what family did. Why didn't anyone else? Because their in THIS family and YOU TWO taught them what THIS family is. Well, I'm not sure I want to be in THIS family."
"Oh, Jacky, come on," my mother said, coming towards me, but I took a step back.
"Look, when you get home tomorrow," I said, "Ronny will be there and I will be there to support her. By then, we will have figured out how we are going to tell Aunt Ann about Ronny. It would be really nice if you'd decided to accept Ronny as she is, but if not, we will have a bridge that we will need to cross. Ok? No matter what happens, though, remember that I love you both. I love Aunt Ann. I love Chelsea, Avery, Julia and even Ronny. This family is my heart and soul and it taught me how to love so well that now I am able to love Ria, too. What just happened here has really hurt me, mom, but I still love you all and I want nothing more than to repair everything and make this family whole - to make it the way I THOUGHT it was." I turned and walked away. I think they called after me, but I was just too upset to hear them.
I sent a group text to the girls for someone to pick me up. Avery and Julia showed up about twenty minutes later and saw that I was upset. I gave them a thumbnail synopsis of my battle with our moms, then a thought occurred to me.
"Wait, wait! It's only two thirty," I said. "Avery, is there any chance that your hairdresser might have an opening today?"
She pulled over and turned in the driver's seat to look at me. "I don't know, Jacky, but I think I have an inkling of what you might be thinking about doing and I really don't think it's a good idea."
"I don't either, Jack," Julia agreed. "You just told us that mom said she'd throw you out if you were a trans-woman. Are you seriously going to challenge that?"
"Yes, I am," I said, defiantly. "You should have heard them! 'Unholy.' 'Unnatural.' I couldn't believe it!"
"Yeah, but Jack, will this do anything more than piss them off?" Julia asked. "You know, you've always been the Golden child, but this might be a little bit more than even you can get away with."
I laughed. "The Golden child. Right."
"Oh, come on, Jack," Julia scoffed. "The baby of the family. The only boy - well, except for Ronny, and he was such a screw up that he didn't count. From the moment you left mom's womb, you could do no wrong, but Jack... do you really want to put all of that at risk just for Ronny?"
I looked at my twin sister like I'd never seen her before. "Jules, Ronny needs help. If she can't turn to us for help, who else can she turn to?"
"Yeah," Avery said, "but what about our moms. Don't they deserve our respect? Isn't supporting Ronny being disrespectful to our moms?"
"Not if our moms are wrong, Avery," I said, and I think I must have sounded exhausted. "Please... I need you to help me. Can you just call your salon and see if I could get the same kind of perm you get so I can get that same kind of body to my hair? Maybe they could trim it a little, too, so it's exactly like yours."
Avery looked at me, then at Julia, then shrugged and grabbed her phone.
Julia put her hand on Avery's phone. "You know that you'll get some of the blame for this, too. Especially if he looks like a clone of you."
Avery paused for a moment, then looked at me. "Yeah. Why do you need to look just like me?"
I grinned. "Because I think it'll play with their brains if I do."
Avery's face grew into an evil smile that indicated that she loved the idea. "You'd better let me wear that navy blue dress whenever I want to."
"Any time you want to." I smiled.
She looked at Julia. "It's worth it."
It turned out that Avery's hairdresser had an opening at three fifteen, so off we went. I had my first perm, just to add some body, mind you, and a little trim so that I had Avery's style copied exactly, and for the near future, it was a commitment.
"Well, I hope Ria likes it," Julia said, as we got into the car.
"Oh, shoot, Ria," I said. "I probably should have bounced this off of Ria, huh?"
Both the girls laughed. "Something tells me that isn't going to be an issue," Avery said.
I called Ria and explained the situation. When I told her my plan to make my mother and aunt see things more clearly, she shrieked, "YES! I'LL BE RIGHT OVER!" So I took that as a sign of support.
When I got home, I pulled out the box containing the brown sweater and corduroy jumper-dress combination that Ria had given me for Christmas and tried it on. It fit beautifully. I left it on for Ria to see, but that was my outfit for the next day.
"What's this about?" Ronny asked when she saw me in the outfit.
I gave her a toned down version of the dramatics at the hospital and I had to stop her from grabbing her bags and heaving.
Chelsea wasn't a lot of help, either. She was being a bit passive/aggressive with remarks meant to make Ronny feel uncomfortable in our home.
"Alright, alright!" I finally said, at my wits' end. "Everyone to the kitchen table. We are talking this out, NOW!"
As the youngest of the group, I was actually a little surprised that they all obeyed me and headed out to the kitchen.
"Listen, hon," Ria said quietly, "I should probably duck out and let you and our family talk without me and it sounds like I probably won't see you tomorrow either, so," she kissed me sweetly, "just remember I love you, and that you look really cute in that dress. Good luck and call me if you need me to come get you, ok?"
I gave her a hug. "Ok. Thanks, Ria. I'm sure... well, I'm pretty sure... that everything will be ok. I'll let you know. Bye bye."
When I joined the others at the kitchen table, I was not at all certain what to say, so I spoke the way that the councilors in high school had spoken when we had had conflicts in class, but I was sincere about my feelings.
"Ok, guys, I really feel like I've dug a pretty deep hole here and I'm trying to figure out how find a way out. So, I'm going to speak first and then I'm going to ask that we go clockwise around the table and that we speak honestly. Ok? After we all have spoken, then we can interact, ok?"
Everyone nodded. I was already surprised that things were going this well.
"Ok, so... the way I see it is that, yes, Ronny has been a problem in the past - no offense, Ronny, but you have - but now, she has explained to us why she was acting out and she is making some pretty big efforts to change her life, so I am offering her my support - BUT BEYOND THAT - Aunt Ann came very close to death the other day and Ronny is her... well, she thinks of Ronny as her son and she needs us to help us reunite her with Ronny, so my vote is that we do everything we can to make that happen. That includes getting our moms to accept Ronny as she is and having Ronny stay with us for the time being." I thought for a moment. "I guess that's all I have to say." I looked to my left. "Avery. I guess you're next."
Avery took a moment to collect her thoughts then said, "Look, Ronny, I'm not going to pretend that we were ever close or anything, but obviously your mom needs your help now, so I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt IF you are willing to behave properly. I mean... you need to be here for your mom. Of course, you can go out with your friends on a Friday or a Saturday, but you need to make plans with us to cover for you, ok? Just like a job. I know that sounds kind of childish, but you haven't been all that reliable in the past, so... if you intend to come back home with the intention of HELPING, then you're going to need to actually need to help. Ok?"
Ronny nodded. "Yeah, ok," she said. "I can do that."
"Julia," I said, "it's your turn."
Julia looked at everyone. "I have to tell you guys. I'm really uncomfortable with all of this. Ronny... I mean... you grew up here, so... I guess this is as much your house as anyone else's. I don't think I really have any say in any of this. I think it's really between you and your mother. Beyond that, I'm really uncomfortable with how my mom and Aunt Mary are going to react when they get home. I don't like conflicts like this, but... like I said... I think this really comes down to Aunt Ann and Ronny. So... Ronny... you need to win over my mom and Aunt Mary. It can't be a constant battle ground around here."
Ronny nodded. "Ok. I'll do everything that I can."
I looked at Chelsea. "Chels?"
Chelsea shook her head for a long, long moment before she spoke. "Ronny... I hate to say this, but... I just don't want you in this house and I think you might know why."
Ronny looked at her and shook her head. "Chelsea, I know that I was a jerk for most of my life, but I've change. I really, have. I used to drink a lot - now, I only drink one beer a night and I nurse that for three of four hours. I don't hang out with the same people I used to hang out with. I'm not a black out drunk any more, I..."
Chelsea slammed her hand onto the table as hard as she could. "Are you serious? Do you seriously not remember what happened right here... right here in this kitchen, ten years ago when I was babysitting the twins? You walked in here drunk as a skunk and tried to rape me!"
"What?" Avery shouted and leapt out of her seat as if to protect her sister.
Julia looked almost as shocked as Ronny did and they both sat and stared in shock.
"Oh, God," Ronny finally said. "Chelsea, I... I... I don't know what to say. I don't... I didn't..." She looked around at all of us. "Look... ten years ago I had no idea who I was. I hated myself and everyone around me. I just lashed out. I drank... I just drank and took whatever drugs I could get my hands on to get away from the pain of being alive. Chelsea... I didn't... I mean... I don't have any memory of doing that. I mean, I'm not denying it and... I am so sorry that I did it. I know that doesn't mean anything, but I really am. Honestly, I am not that person anymore. I really am not."
Ten years of pain and hurt and frustration had finally come pouring out of Chelsea, though and she couldn't possibly handle all that pain at one time. "So?... So?... So?... what? Am I just supposed to put the most traumatic moment of my life aside because you say you're sorry? Is that it? Ronny, I know you were drunk, but I WAS TWELVE FUCKING YEARS OLD! Christ, you were always drunk! We were like sisters and a brother and then there was you and we were all afraid of you! We lived in fear of your arrival every goddamned day, Ronny, and that day was no different. I had left the twins out on the swing set that we used to have in the back yard and I was making them lunch and you stumbled in here and you just stared at me while I made the sandwiches. Then, all of a sudden... you were all over me! Your hands were on my breasts, you knocked me down on the table and you were pulling my shorts down. If I hadn't gotten my knee up and kneed you in your balls, you would have actually raped me, Ronny. You would have violated me. Taken away my choice as to how I chose to share my body for the first time."
Ronny looked at her hands, then at Chelsea and then at all of us. She was pale and upset. "I... I... just don't know..." she sputtered.
"Are you taking hormones, now?" Chelsea asked bluntly.
"Am I...?" Ronny seemed surprised by the question. "I am... yes."
"Good." Chelsea nodded. "I said this to Jacky this morning - I know it's not nice to say, but I'm glad that you're finally gelding yourself. It's probably safer for everyone."
Ronny blinked a few times, then sniffled a bit. "I think I should probably go." She pushed her chair back and stood. "I... I'm..." she looked around at everything in the room that didn't have a face and then finally said, "I can't... no... I'll go."
I stood when she did. "Ronny... I think we need to keep talking..."
"No, Jack," Ronny said, sadly. "Look, honey, I appreciate everything you've tried to do, but... sometimes a person does things too horrible to apologize for and...," she looked at Chelsea, "I really do apologize, Chelsea. I know that means nothing, but... I do. I know you'll never forgive me, but... now that I know what I did... I'll never forgive myself, either."
She hugged me and kissed my cheek. "I've unblocked you on my phone, Jack. Call me now and then, ok. Let me know how my mom is doing."
"Ronny..."
"Avery and Julia know where I live if you ever want to come by. I'll let you know if I move." She looked around. "I'm sorry for everything, girls. I really am. I was... well.." I could hear her losing control as she spoke and I knew she wanted to get to the door, but needed to say something.
She took three steps towards the door, but stopped. "Chelsea... I..." She sighed. "... never mind..." She started to leave.
"No," Chelsea stopped her. "Say what you want to say." I thought that Chelsea looked a little bit too superior under the circumstances, but I understood that she'd suffered with this for a long time and needed to show her strength, now.
"Did you hear anything about me trying to kill myself a few years ago?"
Both Julia and Avery said 'no,' but both Chelsea and I said 'yes.'
"Well... I didn't try to kill myself," Ronny said. "I was desperate. I couldn't afford sex reassignment surgery and everyday I became more and more... manly. I had to do something. I bought a sharp straight razor and I drew a hot bath. Then I called 911 and told them I'd cut off my scrotum. Then... I got into the bath tub... and did it."
'Oh, my God..." Avery gasped.
"Ronny..." I whispered and tried to hug her, but she held me off.
Julia stood in shock.
"So..." Ronny was weeping, now, "I actually gelded myself quite some time ago. And you're right. It probably was best for everyone." And she walked out the door.
We all just stared at the door for a long time, until finally I sat and cried. I don't think I cried just for Ronny. I think I cried for the impossibility of the situation. This meant that my mother and my aunts knew that Ronny was, at least at some level, trans, and they still said all those terrible things at the hospital.
Julia sat beside me and rubbed my back. "Are you going to be ok, Jack?"
I shrugged and grabbed a tissue to dab my eyes. "I don't know, Jules." I looked around and realized that Avery and Chelsea had gone into the living room. "Is Chelsea ok?"
Julia shook her head. "I don't know, Jacky. This is all such a mess. I don't think anyone is ok right now."
"I know," I agreed. "I should probably just get changed, I suppose."
Julia gave a noncommittal shrug and we both stood. "Jacky... I don't know what to say, but... I think you were doing the right thing, even though everything went wrong. We just didn't know how much damage Ronny had done."
"I don't think Ronny even knew," I said and I gave my sister a hug. "Thanks, Jules."
I was just about to go to my room when the door opened and my mother and Aunt Mary entered.
"Hi, girls," my mother said, looking tired. "Your Aunt Ann is doing better, but she's tiring out awfully quickly. We thought we'd come home quickly and..."
My mother stopped because Avery had come into the kitchen to hear what was being said. My mother looked at my cousin and then at me. "I don't have the strength for this today, Jack. Which one are you?"
I sighed. "I'm Jack," I said and I was about to explain my reasons for being dressed as I was, but I wasn't given the time. Instead, my mother went on the attack.
"God Almighty, don't I have enough to deal with today? What the hell is wrong with you?"
Look, mom," I tried to explain, "the reason that I'm dressed like this is because, like I told you, we had Ronny here and I was trying to make a point..."
"And I told you that Ronny could stay here if he put a pair of pants on and acted like a man! Now, did he do that, or did he leave?"
The vehemence of her attack was pretty surprising and threw me off a little. "He's gone... I mean... she's gone, but not because of any ultimatum or anything. She left because..."
"I don't care why he left, as long as he's gone. This stupidity has gone on long enough. Go get out of that ridiculous thing. After having the police, fire department and ambulance here the other day, the last thing I need right now is for the neighbors to see my son flouncing around like some fairy."
Now, I had planned on getting changed, but...
"You know, I think that things have gone far enough around here." I said, with more authority than I really had.
"Excuse me," my mother said, folding her arms.
"I've learned more about this family in the last seventy two hours than I ever wanted to know and I have to say that I am not at all pleased with what I've learned."
My mother smirked and shook her head. "Is that so? Well, why don't you enlighten me, Jack. I'm sure that you, a nineteen year kid, know SO MUCH MORE than the rest of us! Tell us Jack! What have you learned about this family?"
"Well, first I learned that what I thought was a pretty happy family was actually a hopelessly dysfunctional group of people that was living in complete denial."
My mother laughed and looked at my Aunt Mary and shook her head. "One semester of college and this is his diagnosis. We are a dysfunctional family." She looked back at me. "Go ahead, tell me more."
"Alright," I said. "First off, there was a thirteen year old boy in this house seventeen years ago and when he started drinking and taking drugs, you and your sisters didn't help him find help because that might just have brought some embarrassment to your Irish, Southie, lace-curtain sense of pride. Instead, you just let him get get drunker and drunker and more and get more troubled instead of helping him get sober. Then, when he was eighteen and he attacked a twelve year old girl in this household," I saw Chelsea turn to look in my direction and Aunt Mary turn to look at Chelsea, "did you get her help? No! You made her just live in fear and guilt and then keep all that fear and confusion inside herself and you told her to be careful around her cousin - like it was somehow her fault! Ronny needed your help and you ignored him. Chelsea needed your help and you ignored her! Then, when Ronny finally figured out what was finally wrong with her and came to Aunt Ann, Aunt Mary and you and she told you that she was transgendered, you all turned your backs on her. When she was so desperate that she nearly killed herself by cutting off her own testicles, you all turned your backs on her! My God, mom, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?"
"Alright, I've heard just about enough of this..." my mother tried to interrupt, but my flood gates had opened and there was no closing them at that point.
"You pretend that we're a family, but as soon as there's the slightest chance that someone might be embarrassed by anything then we turn our backs on each other or pretend that no problems exist. Is that how families are supposed to behave?"
"I said that's enough!"
"No, it's not nearly, enough, mom," I continued, "because your sister needs her child and maybe her child isn't exactly who she expects her to be, but they need each other and you're not standing between them right now."
"Of for crying out loud, Jacky, she doesn't need that drunk queen prancing around this house in a dress. She needs help, not a drag show." My mother waved her arms around dramatically, now. "This is ridiculous. You have no idea what you're talking about. Your aunts and I have held this family together though all of the troubles and bullshit that Ronny has put us through and THIS is the thanks we get!? You turn on us when things are at the worst?"
"Things wouldn't be at their worst if you hadn't been making them this bad for years, mom. Think about it. We need help. We all do. This whole family needs to sit down with a therapist and work out a truck load of problems..."
"Oh, please! I am not going to air my dirty laundry in front of some total stranger...!"
"See! There's the problem! Right there! Hide the problems! Ronny's a fifteen year old black out drunk - hide it! Ronny sexually assaults Chelsea - hide it! Chelsea is traumatized - hide it! Ronny is transgendered - hide it! Jack is gender-fluid, and Jack IS gender-fluid, mom, THIS," I indicted my dress, "is NOT going away," that was a realization that had suddenly burst into my psyche, "hide it! Well, SCREW THAT! Jack is not hiding it just to make you or anyone else happy, mom! Starting right now, this family is going to start facing reality."
"STOP IT!" my mother shrieked. "RIGHT NOW. STOP ALL OF THIS NONSENSE."
I'd lost all sense of propriety, though. I was as unhinged as she was. "No, mom. I'm done. I am going to the hospital and I am talking to Aunt Ann and some healing is going to start right now, today."
"Good God Almighty." My mother shook her head. "NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME, JOHN KENNEDY RICHARDS..." she shouted my full name, about to pull out the big guns, but I cut her off.
"Maybe you should change that to 'Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis Richards' while I'm dressed like this, mom," I said.
Now, I had escalated this whole thing to a level higher than anything that had ever happened in our house before and no one, not my sister, my cousins, my Aunt Mary, my mother of even I was really aware of how high our emotions had gotten, but I never expected the open palmed slap that my mother's right hand connected to my left cheek at that moment. It was so powerful, so loud, so stinging and painful that it actually silenced the room for a moment.
I blinked as I processed what had happened and I looked at my mother. In nearly twenty years, I don't remember her ever hitting me, let alone slapping me like that. I wasn't sure what my response should be, but I was sure that backing down wasn't appropriate.
"Was that meant to shut me up or show me that you loved me? Because I didn't get either message."
"Jacky, come on," I heard Julia say, but I was busy.
"If you think that hitting me is going to prove to me that we DON'T need family therapy, then you are mistaken."
"I've heard enough, Jack," my mother said, flatly.
"My whole life, I thought that Aunt Ann was the judgmental prude, that you were the voice of reason and Aunt Mary was the one who just went along, but now I realize that you were always the bully, Aunt Ann was the patsy and I was right about Aunt Mary - she just went along."
My mother's arm went back to strike again, but someone grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. Before I knew what was happening, I my face was pushed into the nook of my cousin Chelsea's shoulder and neck.
"I love you Aunt Didi," she said, using my mother's nickname, "but so help me God, if you ever strike this boy again, you will be the most unhappy woman in the world."
"Chelsea!" I heard my Aunt Mary shout. "Don't you dare talk to your aunt like that!"
"You know what, mom?" Chelsea said, still holding me close. "Something Jack just said made more sense to me than anything else I've heard, or even thought of, for ten years. All that time I've been blaming Ronny and Ronny alone for what happened that day and... yeah, he attacked me, but he had been a drunk kid looking for help for years and none of you helped him. And after he attacked me... instead of getting me help, you made me feel like a victim all over again. No one got me help. No one said, 'It's not your fault, Chelsea.' You just told be to stay away from Ronny and implied that I should have known better than to have worn shorts like that in front of him. So, every day, I just had to live in fear of what Ronny - a sick, tormented kid who was crying out for help and being ignored - I had to worry about what he might do to me if he got a little too drunk and a little too brazen. EVERYDAY, MOM! EVERY FUCKING DAY I HAD TO LIVE WITH THAT. And all you and Auntie Ann and Auntie Deidra had to do was get him help... or get me help... or get us help... but you didn't. You just told me not to talk about it. Just be quite and be careful."
The room was quiet and sad for a long time.
"Chelsea..." my Aunt Mary said, but she couldn't seem to find any other words to say. Here lips just moved, but no sound came out.
Finally, Chelsea said to Julia and Avery, "Come on. Get your coats. Avery, get a coat for Jack. And a pocketbook, too."
"Where are we going?" Julia asked, as she buttoned her jacket up.
"To see Auntie Ann. She needs to hear the truth and she needs to hear it from all of us." She let me loose. "Jack has done enough of the hard work for all of us. It's time we do our part."
"That's it," my mother said, turning and headed towards her room. "I am fed up with the whole bunch of you." She slammed her door as she entered her room.
Avery handed me a coat and we all headed to the door, but my Aunt Mary grabbed both Chelsea and me by our arms. She was very upset, I could see that. Her eyes were watery and red. She looked at both of us, then hugged Chelsea and said, "Chelsea, honey... I'm sorry. I did my best."
Chelsea let her hug her, but didn't reciprocate. "I know, mom, but Jack is right. A lot could have been done, but nothing was."
My Aunt Mary let Chelsea go and nodded. "Maybe, honey, but... it's hard to see that when it's happening."
Chelsea raised her eyebrows. "Really, mom? It's happening now and Jack's only nineteen. It seems like he's seeing things a lot more clearly than any of us." She turned to the door, but waited for me.
My aunt looked at me. "Jacky... I'll talk to your mom. We'll get there, Jacky. This is all very confusing to us, but... we'll get there..."
I felt really badly about everything that had happened that afternoon, but I had meant every word that I'd said and every word that I'd said needed to be said. "Aunty... I need you to get there today." I kissed her cheek and I started crying - really hard. "I think... this might be the last time I see you Aunty. I'm sorry, but... I had to say what I said."
She pressed her lips together and cried a little, too. "I know."
"Now... I feel like I may never be welcome back in this house." I said. I looked around one last time, then I left feeling like I might never be back.
When we got to the hospital, we found that Aunt Ann had been moved to a new room, which was good, since I wasn't sure how we were all going to get into the ICU. Even on a regular ward, the nurse in charge was wary of letting all four of us in at the same time. "Please be aware of your aunt's condition," she warned us. "If she seems to be tiring, give her a break and let her sleep."
We assured her we would be considerate of Aunt Ann's needs and we were allowed in.
She was asleep when we entered, but the quiet bustle of our entrance was enough to rouse her. She blinked and smiled. "Hi, girls. Thank you for coming to see me," she said, weakly, as looked at us, then she realized there were two Averys. She squinted and shook her head, "Is one of you Jacky? What's going on?" She was obviously a little loopy from the drugs she'd been given.
I bent and kissed her cheek. "Hi, auntie," I said. "I'm Jacky. How are you?"
"Oh, you know me, Jack," she smiled. "I'm too ornery to die. You'll all just have to deal with me for years to come."
"We're glad to hear that," Julia said.
"You look good, auntie," Chelsea said.
"A heck of a lot better than you did the last time we saw you," Avery smiled, her sardonic wit shinning through.
Aunt Ann laughed a little at that then looked at me. "So, Jack... Why the dress? Are you just trying to irritate everyone again?"
I chuckled a little. "Auntie... what if I told you that I'd discovered that this was a part of who I am? That I was still going to be the Jack that you always knew, but that this Jack... that this... girly Jack... was going to be around sometimes, too... would you hate me?"
My aunt touched my cheek. "Jacky... how could I ever hate you? You saved my life, honey."
"Auntie, I saved your life because we're family and I love you. You understand that, right? I mean... maybe we haven't always been the closest, but I do love you. You know that, right?"
"Of course I do, honey, and I love all of you." She slurred her words a little from the drugs and her fatigue. "Oh, I know I'm an old, cold fish, but I love you all in my own way."
"We know, auntie." Julia smiled and patted my aunt's hair.
"I think the drugs are talking," Avery whispered.
"So, the clothes and how I live my life... none of that matters, right?" I persisted, moving surprisingly easily towards my goal.
"Of course not, Jacky. I don't care if you wear jeans or a ball gown," she touched my face. "You're still the same Jacky. You're a good boy, Jacky."
"Wow. It really is the drugs talking," Chelsea whispered back to Avery.
"Shh," Julia whispered to them.
"Auntie," I continued, "you know that Ronnie wasn't happy as a man, right?"
"Oh, I know," she shook her head. "My poor Ronny. He was never a happy boy."
"Yes, auntie, but did you know that Ronnie was transitioning to become a woman?"
"Is he?" She muttered and shook her head just a little bit. "Is he?" She pondered that for a few moments. "Well... I suppose that is for the best. He was always so unhappy. He even cut off his own... oh, I can't even say it, Jacky... Oh, poor Ronny... I hope he finds some happiness. The poor boy."
That was a surprising response. I had really expected a condemnation of some sort. "So... You're ok with Ronny becoming a woman?"
She nodded. "I wish I'd been a stronger woman myself, Jacky. Maybe I could have been a better mother to Ronny, but what could I do? I had no place else to go. No one else to turn to. I needed to have someplace to live. I was afraid my sisters would throw me out on my ear if I gave an inch. They nearly did a few times when Ronny's father wouldn't leave us alone - back when I first moved in. Of course you were all too young to remember, but he'd show up in the middle of the night and raise holy hell. It was awful. The police were there all the time. The neighbors were watching from the windows, oh, it was so embarrassing. Deirdre and Mary hated it - I did, too of course, but they threatened to make me leave if it didn't stop."
"And it did stop?"
"Oh, yes. When he died," she shrugged. "I guess that was inevitable. My ex-husband was a mean, hard man and he drank till he passed out every night. I certainly would rather Ronny find happiness than drink himself to death like his father."
"I'm very glad to hear that, auntie..." I started to say.
"Of course your mothers didn't have to deal with their husbands bothering them after their divorces. That's why they moved out of Boston in the first place. To get away from them." My aunt said.
All four of us froze. 'Divorced?' We we're always told our fathers had died while they were in the Marines fighting in the Middle East.
"Umm," Chelsea was the first to recover her speech, "auntie, did you say that our mom's were divorced? I thought that our dads were killed in the same battle in the Middle East back when we were little."
Aunt Ann laughed. "Oh, that foolish story. They made that up when they moved out here so that they would look like big deals in the community. You know how your mothers are."
We all stared at her in silence.
"You all knew that, though, didn't you?" our aunt asked.
"Oh, yeah, of course we did," Julia said with a smile and we all agreed.
"So..." I continued, "is it ok if I bring Ronny to see you?"
Aunt Ann's eyes brightened immediately. "You've seen Ronny, Jack? Yes, honey, yes. Bring him to see me."
"Well, auntie, you see... Ronny is transitioning. Do you understand what that means? It means that Ronny is much more of a 'she' than a 'he' these days. Is it still ok if she comes to see you?"
She petted my face again. "Ronny's my baby, Jacky. I'll always want to see my baby. Just tell him to come."
I stepped out of the room and called Ronny and told her the good news. It took her about forty five minutes for her to get a ride from a room mate and get to her mother's room. She text me from the lobby and I met her in the hallway and boy was she nervous.
"Are you sure she's ready to see me?" Ronny asked, actually shaking. She'd dressed up a little since we'd parted ways earlier that day.
"She's excited, Ronny, and she knows that you're transitioning, so don't worry. She says that she'd love you no matter what."
Ronny gave a skeptical shrug. "Ok, if you say so. Do I look ok?"
I smiled because it was such an 'un-Ronny' question. "You look great. Let me get the girls out and you can have your mom to yourself."
As I started to open the door, Ronny stopped me, "Jack, I think I'd feel better if you came in with me, too. Ok?"
"Oh... ok, sure."
I opened the door and told the girls that Ronny was here. They said their goodbyes to Aunt Ann and they filed out of the room, with Chelsea coming out last. As she passed Ronny, she stopped and looked at her. Ronny had a hard time returning Chelsea's gaze after their earlier interaction. After a moment, Chelsea spoke.
"Hey... Ronny... I... well... since we talked earlier... Jacky pointed out a few things about how our mothers might have, maybe, helped you... and me... when we were younger, but they didn't. I mean, you know, with our problems, but... look, I'm not ready to put it all behind me, but... I'm ready to start talking about it. Ok?"
Ronny gave her a small smile. "Thank you, Chelsea. That means the world to me... really."
Chelsea didn't exactly smile, but she did press her lips together and nod. Then she looked at me and said, "We'll be waiting out here, Jacky."
Ronny and I went into the room and I could see my aunt's face brighten immediately. "Ronny! Oh, Ronny, come here, honey!" She said, holding her arms up.
Ronny bent down and hugged her mother and I could hear both of them sniffle. "Hi, mom. Oh, I'm so sorry you got hurt."
They spent the next half hour getting reacquainted with each other. I think the sweetest moment was when Aunt Ann told Ronny how pretty she looked. It made Ronny cry. It made me tear up, too, to tell you the truth.
It seemed like their conversation was starting to get very
mother/daughter-ish by then and I was feeling like an interloper, so I cleared my throat and said, "Umm, hey... I'm going to give you two some space, ok? Auntie, I'm glad you're feeling better." I kissed her cheek. "Ronny... welcome back." I kissed hers, too.
Ronny stood and gave me a big hug. "Jacky... I can't thank you enough." There were tears on her cheeks. "I'll be in touch, ok?"
"Ok," I said and I left them alone to find some healing.
The girls were waiting for me.
"How are they doing?" Julia asked.
"Pretty good," I smiled. "Lots of misunderstandings getting straightened out."
"There's a lot of that that needs doing," Chelsea said with a smirk.
"Yeah," Avery agreed. "We've been talking about this whole 'divorce' thing and how we should approach that."
I sighed. "I don't know about you guys, but I don't think I have the wherewithal to deal with any of that tonight. As a matter of fact, I don't think I have the wherewithal to go home."
"So...?" Julia let that hang.
"I think I might stay at that Red Roof Inn down on Rt 9 for the night. I don't think I can deal with mom and I hear that's pretty cheap."
There was shocked silence for about ten seconds, then Julia said, "Ummm.... No," rather emphatically.
"What do you mean 'no?," I asked.
"Ok, I get it, you don't want to deal with mom, fine, but you've never slept away from home before and your first night away from home isn't going to be at the Red Roof Inn on Rt 9 where some guy cheated on his wife with a prostitute an hour earlier. And besides, I know you. You're going to call Ria, get all sad, she's going to come and comfort you and then you're going to get carried away and what should be the most beautiful night of your life is going to turn into a rushed, regret filled, sad night at the end of terrible day."
"Come on, Jules," I whined, "I just can't go home tonight."
"Fine, but I'm going to stay with you and we'll stay someplace nice. We'll stay at the Marriott and split the cost," my sister said with finality.
I shrugged. "Ok, but we'll need clothes and stuff."
"We can get some in the morning after mom goes to work," Julia suggested.
"No, I'll bring you some school clothes and PJ's and stuff," Avery said. "You guys check in and have some dinner. I'll be there in time for dessert, then go back home. We'll pick you up for school in the morning."
"You sure?" I asked.
"Sure." She smiled. "How are we dressing tomorrow, though? El guapo or la guapa?"
I laughed as I considered it. "I think I'd like to go slightly guapa to start. I mean, I have all lectures tomorrow, but I don't feel like I want to just go all the way on day one, you know?"
Avery smiled. "I get it. Poco a poco."
"Why are we suddenly bilingual?" Chelsea asked, a bit frustrated. "I think we're losing focus. So, I'm dropping you guys off at the Marriott, then we're going home to get some clothes and coming back, is that the plan?"
"I'll bring the clothes back if you don't want to," Avery said.
"Yeah," Chelsea said. "Like I'm going to stay home by myself with mom and Aunt Didi while you guys all hide. No way. Here's the deal - you guys check-in, we'll get you clothes and bring them back, BUT YOU have to tell your mother that you're not coming home. I'm dealing with my own crap, ok?"
"Ok. I'll text her," Julia said.
To Be Continued...
The Good Son - 5 Final
Author:
Audience Rating:
Publication:
Genre:
Character Age:
Taxonomy upgrade extras:
Permission:
you'll see what I mean. This is the finale of this story. To be honest, it's
been hard to write and I cannot thank you all enough for all of the support
that you have offered throughout the last few days as I've posted the
installments.
Author's Note: Thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope you like where this story took us. As always, please comment - pro and con. ~Clara.
This version of The Good Son: 5 Final has been updated with many corrections towards spelling and grammar.~Sephrena.
Image Credit: Image created through the use of ai at https://perchance.org/beautiful-people .~Sephrena.
Chapter 5
Chelsea dropped us off at the Marriott, which was a lot fancier than I expected. Julia took care of all the checking-in procedures since I had no idea how to do any of it. I sent Ria a text and Julia suggested that she should join us for dinner, which was a really nice idea. I was feeling really sad and seeing Ria sounded like a nice idea.
We found our room, which was also nicer than I expected, and then we went down to the lobby to wait for Ria.
"Hey, girls!" she said with a warm smile when she arrived. She hugged Julia, then hugged me and gave me a comforting kiss. "I trust that things did not go well, then?"
"Not with my mom, no," I said, "but with my aunt and Ronny... it couldn't have gone better."
"Well, that's some good news," she said, with a small smile. "Your mom loves you though, Jacky. She'll come around."
"Correction," I said. "My mom LOVED me. I'm not so sure any more."
"Really?" She grimaced. "That bad?"
"Let's eat and talk about it," Julia suggested. "I'm really hungry."
We went into the lobby restaurant and ordered our food while Julia and I explained the carnage that had occurred at our house that day.
"She didn't throw you out, though, did she?" Ria asked.
"No," Julia explained. "It's just been a very long and enlightening day and Jack needed some quiet time. I'm just here to chaperone and make sure he's ok. We're kind of in uncharted territory for us."
As we ate and I finally relaxed a bit, I became a bit more aware of the fact that I was in a restaurant dressed in my rather short dress. Yes, I was wearing my tights, too, but I was acutely aware of my need to keep my legs crossed at my knees and sit more straight than usual. I enjoyed looking nice, but kind of missed being able to sit back like a schlub and relax.
"Hey," we heard a very tired voice say from behind me. It was Avery with two duffel bags. She dropped one beside my seat and flopped into the fourth chair at our table. "That one is for both of you. You guys are lucky you stayed here."
"Yeah?" I asked. "What happened?"
"Let's just say it wasn't pleasant. Your mom was waiting for you and she was out for blood."
"I sent her a text before we even got here," Julia said.
"Yeah, well she hadn't seen it and she was PISSED that you guys didn't come home. I think she got even madder when we told her that Aunt Ann and Ronny had reconciled. My mom tried to calm her down, but she just lost it and went berserk, threatening both of you if you didn't come home and then threatening me and Chelsea if we didn't go get you and bring you home within an hour."
"I'm sorry, Avery," I said. "Maybe I should call her."
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no," my cousin laughed. "Besides that, my mom took away your mom's phone and told her to calm down, and then there's the small matter that Chelsea told your mom to go fuck herself before we stormed out the door. So, that may make it a little difficult to talk to either your mom or mine tonight."
"What!?" both my sister and I shouted in disbelief.
"You heard me. I'm telling you, Chelsea has become a badass in the last hour." Avery shook her head. "I really don't know if this is something we're going to get past, guys. It was really bad." Despite her usual smart ass attitude, Avery's eyes were glistening with tears. I could see that she was worried.
"So, what are you going to do about tonight?" Ria asked.
"Why do you think I have two duffle bags?" She sighed, then she nodded towards the lobby where Chelsea was crossing towards us. "Chelsea just booked a room for us, too." She waved down our waitress and ordered two French dip sandwiches and two iced teas.
"Hi, guys," Chelsea said as she arrived.
I stood and grabbed a chair from the next table as she put down her purse and hotel paperwork, but before she sat, she looked at me and said, "Come here."
She pulled me into the tightest hug I think I'd ever felt and she held me there for a long, long time. "Jacky, Jacky, Jacky," she kept saying. Finally, she loosened her grip, but did not let me go. "Geez, did you hit the nail on the head, Jacky. Our family needs therapy more than we need food. We've got a rough road ahead of us, but you did the right thing, Jacky and I love you even more for doing it." She kissed my forehead. "You're the best, Jacky."
More out of confusion than appreciation, I smiled a little. "Thanks, Chels. I love you, too. And I'm sorry that everything's so messed up."
"It'll get better, Jacky. It'll get better. Anything is better than the lies we've been living with."
I nodded. That had to be true.
"Come on, Chelsea," Avery said. "Sit down. You're making a scene. What will the neighbors say." That last remark was a dig at my mother and was funny enough to make Chelsea snicker and let me go and sit down.
We all sat and talked about how we'd face our moms the next day, but agreed that best thing to do was to approach them with level heads. Chelsea and I agreed that we'd both gotten a lot of pent up emotion out already and that we needed to plan our next day's attack with more maturity then we'd displayed so far.
"Speaking as an outsider," Ria said, "I don't think you should beat yourselves up for getting carried away. I mean, you guys learned a lot today and you didn't have any time to process any of it. Your moms are middle aged women who had knowledge of these issues all along. You guys are essentially kids who are discovering all of these things today. I think you've handled yourselves pretty damned well, under the circumstances."
After my cousins had their dinner, we all went to our rooms, Avery and Chelsea were right across the hall from us. There weren't a lot of people on our floor, so our doors were left open till we we went to bed. Ria stayed and sat and watched some TV with me until nine thirty or so. Then she went home. Being on the outside of the situation and being able to offer us a fresh point of view did help to calm us all down a lot, though. She had been good source of common sense in a tumultuous time and for me, it was nice to have someone to hold on to after having such a terrible day.
At about ten thirty, Aunt Mary called my cell, which was surprising. I would have expected her to call one of her own kids rather than me.
"Hi, auntie," I answered, cautiously.
"Hi, Jacky." She sounded exhausted. "Honey... we have a lot to talk about and... sweetheart, I don't think that hiding out is the best way to handle it. I think you and the girls need to come home."
I sighed and said, "Auntie, we plan to come home tomorrow, but my mom put me through a lot today. I need some time to process things."
"Ok, honey, but, let's be fair. You put her through a lot, too. You know how she feels about you dressing up in Avery's clothes, then throwing Ronny at her, too, honey... there's a lot more to that story than you know."
"Auntie, I know a lot more to that story than you think I do... and Auntie... I know a lot more about my father than you think I do, too."
My aunt went silent for a long time
"See, Auntie," I said, "like I said, my mother has put me through a lot today... and not just today. My mother has been putting all of us through a lot and I need to get my head around it. If you think that I'm being selfish by asking for one night to figure out how to deal with all of that... well... then I guess I'm being pretty selfish, but... I do need it. And as for the girls... not only do I think that they need it, too, but... Auntie... they're worried about me, so they're here to help me. I know that makes them pretty terrible, too, but... there you go. We're all pretty horrible and ungrateful, I guess."
I knew I was being a sarcastic, passive/aggressive jerk, but I couldn't help it.
It took another moment, but my aunt asked, "Jack... do Avery and Chelsea know about their dad, too?"
I didn't know how to answer that, so after a couple of seconds, I said, "I think you'd better talk to them about that."
"Oh, Lord," she whispered. Then, gathering herself, she said, "Jacky... there's a lot to discuss... just... come home tomorrow. Ok? Please. And bring the girls with you. All of you come home. Please."
"We will, Auntie. We will."
I slept fitfully in my flannel nightgown and got up early and showered. I used the hotel's blow dryer to give my body a permed hair a little more body. I needed a little help from Julia to do my makeup.
"Listen, Jacky," she said as she worked on a subtle look for my eyes, "I know that you and mom are at each other's throats, but you need to remember that there four others involved here, ok?" She stopped and looked me in the eye. "Remember, this is about a lot more than just you wearing pretty clothes. This is about Auntie Ann and Ronny. Ronny's 'suicide' attempt. All the lies that we've been told for so long... Don't just focus on wanting to wear a dress and makeup whenever you want, ok?"
I nodded. "Jules... I'm not interested in becoming a woman, like Ronny, you know. I just... like it. I like... I don't know... I like the clothes and being... girly sometimes, I guess. I like exploring that part of me. The fact that you guys get a kick out of it and Ria finds it sexy makes it all that much more exciting, but... yeah, it's a part of me... of who I am, but... I think my fight with mom and Aunt Mary is really about Ronny. I can't believe they allowed things to go so far with her. I want her back in the family where she belongs."
Julia nodded. "I agree. Aunt Ann needs her."
"Yeah, but... Ronny needs us, too and..." It seemed weird to say, but it also seemed right. "... how can we be a family if we can't heal what happened between Chelsea and Ronny? I know that's optimistic, but... who knows."
She smiled and kissed my forehead. "Yeah. Who knows, Jacky?" she finished and stood. "I'm going to take a quick shower. I'll be right out."
I pulled out the clothes that Avery had packed for me and found a pair of thong panties, which made me leery of what came next. What came next was a pair of black yoga pants, so I suppose the thong panties made sense, but they did pose a problem.
The knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. When I answered it, I found a fully dressed Avery carrying a roll of medical gauze and and medical tape. She looked at the panties I was holding in my hand and smiled. "Would you feel more comfortable if your sister or your cousin taped up your little fella before you put on your panties?"
I glanced up and down the hall to see if anyone else had heard her remarks. Luckily the coast was clear. "You have no sense of discretion at all, do you?" I asked.
She giggled. "What's your point? Do you want me to do this, or Jules?"
Since Julia was in the shower, I just shook my head. "Come on in."
It is funny how quickly you get used to other people invading your privacy. Avery was quick and didn't do anything to humiliate me. She had me tucked and taped quickly and soon I was looking very natural in my black thong.
"You do need to shave a bit better if you're going to be wearing such scanty things." She couldn't help but tease when she saw me in the panties.
"I'll keep that in mind." I smirked.
"Seriously, Jacky. You need to make sure that you're completely hairless. Maybe use some Nair or go see someone at a salon to have it all done right."
Just then Julia entered from the bathroom, naked and drying herself, and at the same time Chelsea knocked on the door and Avery let her in without a second thought.
Chelsea glanced at my crotch and remarked, "Well, I guess we're all girls, now."
"Yeah, I guess." I smirked and pulled on the yoga pants.
"If you think those helped make you look more manly," Julia giggled, "you're mistaken."
I shook my head as I hopped a little and pulled the pants up tight around my waist, then looked in the bag and found a pair of ankle socks. I pulled those on, but saw no shoes, so I went on to the lightly padded bra and then the blouse - which was really pretty! It was a peasant blouse that Aunt Mary had given to Avery last Christmas and I had told Avery how pretty it was, but Avery did not agree. She thought it was too frilly. It was red lace with a keyhole neckline, three quarter, bell sleeves. It kind of hugged my very modest breasts, then hung freely to its handkerchief hem line. I loved it from the moment I saw it and was thrilled to have the opportunity to wear it.
"This is beautiful!" I bubbled as I pulled it over my head.
"It's outrageously flouncy, and fussy, but I knew you liked it, so consider it yours." Avery smiled.
"So much for 'poco a poco,'" my sister snickered.
"You're still naked," I pointed out.
"Yeah, but I can make this work," she smiled and posed. She pulled the clothes the girls had brought for her out of the duffle bag, too.
"So, is he going to walk around the campus in socks?" Chelsea asked. I could see that Chelsea was still a little stressed, and rightfully so. Sure, I'd kicked the hornet's nest, but Chelsea had the most to deal with in the conversations that were sure to occupy our evenings for the next few weeks. She had every right to be stressed.
Avery looked at my stocking footed feet. "Ok, you have two choices. I'll wear what you don't want to. You can wear my white Adidas with the red trim, which should go really well with this blouse..."
"Or?" I asked when she didn't say anything else.
"Or, I have these cute ankle boots with two inch heels. They're black and easy to walk in. The heel will elongate your legs and make your butt stick out a bit, too. The guys love that. What do you want?"
"I'll go with the Adidas today, I think," I answered. "The boots sound nice, but I have a lot of acreage to cover getting from the old building for Wilson's lecture, then to theater for Johnson's and then to the library for Abaku's so sneakers make more sense. Thanks, though."
"Ok," Avery said, sounding a little deflated, "but if you're going to be a little fashion queen, you're going to have to learn to suffer for your beauty."
"I'm not going to be..." I started to say, but Avery had already left the room.
"She's just poking at you," Chelsea said. "Are you sure you're up to all of this in one day? I mean, presenting yourself as a girl at school then taking on your mom in... well... girl mode, I guess... all at once? Wouldn't it be easier to do it a little at a time?"
"Probably," I shrugged, "but I've already dug the hole so deep that I might just as well keep going."
Chelsea looked at Julia and shook her head. "He's pretty stubborn." Then she seemed to realize that my sister was still naked. "You know, it's no wonder he's the way he is. For nineteen years we've been walking around naked in front of him. At least put some panties on, for crying out loud."
"Just about to," Julia laughed and stepped into a pair.
"Here you go," Avery reentered carrying a pair of white Adidas sneakers with red highlights. She displayed the boots that she was wearing. "You could have made your debut in these cuties, but you made your choice."
"Oh, Geez, it's getting late," Chelsea said, looking at her watch. "Come on, get your ass in gear," she said, swatting Julia's pantied butt. "I have a nine o'clock class. The rest of you can have breakfast in the cafeteria. I'll grab a muffin in the lobby. Avery, will you check us out?"
"Yes, captain!" She saluted as they hurried across the hall to grab their bags.
I threw our stuff into our duffle bag.
"Chelsea is right," Julia said as she finished dressing, "you don't have to do it all at once."
"I know," I said, closing the zipper, "but I might as well get it all over with in one big fight rather than have a million little fights, right?"
I reached for the door knob, but Julia grabbed my other hand, "Hey! You know this isn't just your fight, right? We're all in this with you. Your OUR little brother, Jacky, and we're here to fight for you and with you. This Ronny thing is complicated, but mom and Aunt Mary are wrong, plain and simple. We'll work out the Chelsea stuff between Ronny and Chelsea. As for the Dad stuff... that's just messed up and... well there's just a lot of crap to deal with and we're all in this with you. You're not alone."
I nodded and smiled. "Ok. Thanks, Jules."
Then, out of the blue, my twin sister did something I cannot remember her ever doing before. She hugged me and she kissed my cheek. "I love you, you know, Jacky. Whatever you do, please don't just storm off and leave. Don't leave me, alright? I can't handle that. Ok?"
I felt like I was going to cry. "Yeah, Jules. Ok. I promise. I'll control my temper. It'll all work out. I promise."
She let me go and stepped back. "Ok. Thanks." She smiled at me. "Let's go."
School went surprisingly well. Avery had to have a little fun, of course. When we arrived at campus, she saw Ria waiting and she went over to her and hugged her saying, "Hey, babe. You look great, today."
Ria only took a second to respond, "Nice try, Avery, but I can tell the difference." She came over and hugged me.
"How could you tell?" Avery asked, genuinely ticked off.
Ria shook her head. "Your boobs felt real when you hugged me."
Avery looked at her chest and shook her head. "Curse you, you dead giveaways."
On a typical day, I really didn't interact with all that many people on campus. I just kind of bounced from one lecture to another without saying much to anyone. That day, though, several female students told me they liked my blouse, two or three said 'hi' to me thinking I was Avery, which made me laugh a little, and when I sat in my Civics lecture hall, a guy sat close to me, in the row behind me. I'd seen him there before and never thought twice about him, but this time I noticed that he definitely took note of me and moved a bit closer than usual. We'd been sitting there for five minutes or so and the class was about to start when he leaned over the back of the seat next to me and said, "Umm, hey, excuse me."
I turned and said, "Hi?"
He smiled. "Hi... Jack, right?"
I was a little surprised that he knew my name. I didn't know his. "Yeah. Right. I'm sorry, I don't know your name."
"Ken." He smiled. "I just wanted to say that you look good. I didn't know that you were... you know... well... a girl. I'm sorry, but you never showed it off before. You look good."
"Oh..." I didn't know quite what to do or say. "I... umm... well... thanks, but..."
"Hey," Ken said, "relax, I understand." He smiled and held up a hand. "I'm just telling you that you look good. That's all." He smiled broadly. "I'm just being supportive. I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. You look nice and I wanted you to know it. That's all."
I breathed a little easier. "Oh... yeah. Thanks. I appreciate it." It was a little odd, still it was nice to hear, though.
Other than that, the school day was uneventful. Every time I saw Ria, she seemed to find a way to 'accidentally' brush her hand against the flat front of my yoga pants and make some sort of remark about it, but other that that, not much to report.
My classes ended at two and I met up with Avery and Chelsea in the cafeteria. We had to wait around until nearly three for Julia and Ria to get out of their last class. We all walked out to the parking lot together.
Ria held my hand tighter than usual and as we approached our beat up old car, Ria pulled me a little closer.
"Listen, Jacky, if you want me to come with you for moral support, I will. I won't get involved or anything, I'll just be there to hold your hand, if you want."
I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it. "Thanks, Ria, but I think this might be something that the family needs to do on its own. I do wish we were doing it in a councilor's office, but maybe this is the first step. Who knows?"
She stopped walking, and stopped me as well. With me in sneakers and her in some pretty nice looking, knee high, high heeled boots, she had a few inches on me. She pulled me in close and leaned my head back and kissed me very passionately, prompting groans and remarks of 'Get a room,' and 'Too much PDA' from my family members, but Ria ignored them.
"Remember, babe; I'm just a phone call away. Alright? If you don't feel safe, just call."
I smiled. "Thanks, but I think I have three bodyguards watching out for me."
Ria looked over my head and said, "You'd better take care of my..." she glanced at me and smiled, "... girlfriend! If anything happens to her, I will be very upset."
She was only teasing, of course, and I thought it was kind of funny, but when I turned and looked at the girls, there were no smiles.
"Look, Ria," Chelsea said, "you may not be up to speed on all of this, but our other male cousin nearly died castrating himself because of our mothers. This conversation we're having this afternoon is really important to all of us. We're not kidding. This is really important - to Jack and me more than anyone. This is really serious. Ok?"
"Yeah, sure." Ria nodded and let me go. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make light of..."
"No, no, no..." I held up my hands. "You didn't do anything wrong. We're just all wicked stressed." I kissed her lips once more. "I'll call or text or something later and let you know how everything goes, ok? And if I need you, I'll call, too. I love you." I kissed her cheek and trotted over to the girls.
"I love you, too," Ria said, sounding a little hurt. "Good luck, guys. I'll be thinking about you."
Now, on Mondays, our mothers typically worked until five thirty or six and were never home before seven. So, imagine how surprised we were to find their cars in the driveway when we pulled in at three thirty.
"Well, shit," Avery muttered.
"No kidding," Julia muttered as well. "I thought we'd have a little time to get ready."
"Nothing we can do about it, now," Chelsea sighed.
"Nope," I agreed. "The faster we get it started, the faster it'll be done." I said, and I think I sounded a little more resigned to my fate than I'd wanted to.
"Alright," Chelsea said, as she shut off the car, "remember - we are a united group, right? Now, I know it's going to be hard, but don't let them get you mad, ok? Stay calm."
"Especially you," Julia said to me.
I was about to question why she'd single me out, but Avery spoke before I could, and she addressed Chelsea. "And you."
Chelsea nodded. "I know. I really lost my cool last night. It won't happen again. I promise."
"Alright, then," Avery said, making eye contact with all of us in turn. "Let's go."
We all got out of the car and braced ourselves as we walked towards the kitchen door. When we entered, we were a little disheartened to find our mothers already seated at the kitchen table, giving them the upper hand before the meeting even began.
"Well, welcome home, GIRLS," my mother said, rather derisively. "Have a seat."
"Before we do," I said, trying to level the playing field, "I'd like some tea. Can I make some for anyone else?"
"Sure," all the girls said.
"Actually, yes, I'd like some tea," Aunt Mary said, earning a sideways sneer from my mother.
"I'll make you one, too, mom," I smiled as I set about filling the kettle. The girls seemed to understand my methods and they grabbed tea cups, spoons, tea bags and even some shortbread cookies.
"Take a breath, Deidre," I heard my aunt whisper to my mother. "There's no reason we can't be civilized."
I heard my mother huff a bit, but that was ok. That meant we were balancing the power dynamics in the room.
After a few minutes, we were all seated, we all had a cup of tea and a tea bag to occupy ourselves instead of just staring at each other, and something to nibble on if we needed a few moments to think or a few moments to cool down.
NOW we were ready.
My mother looked at me and shook her head. "You realize you look ridiculous."
"I disagree," I said calmly, bobbing my teabag up and down. "I think I look like Avery and I think Avery is a very attractive young woman."
"Aww, thank you, Jack," Avery said.
"You know what I mean," my mother said, getting frustrated already. "You're a boy, Jack. You shouldn't be flouncing around in something like that."
"I don't believe I flounced once, today, mom. In fact, I think I carried myself with grace and dignity. In fact, I received more compliments on how I looked today than I have received all year. From both girls and boys."
"And that's what you want, then? To attract the attention of boys? You're going to tell me that you're gay, too? Just like Ronny?"
"In fact, I am not," I smiled as I used two hands to lift my tea cup to my lips and blow softly across the surface of the hot fluid. "I am one hundred percent heterosexual, but I do have a need to express myself in this manner, mom, and this is something that is very acceptable in today's society."
"Well, it is not acceptable in this household."
"Well, it needs to be, mom, because I live in this household, as do my sister and my cousins and my Aunt Ann and all of them are very accepting of this. In fact, I think that, if you were not so overbearing, Aunt Mary may admit that she is fine with it to, but I'm not going to put her on the spot right now. Let's just say, for now, that you and Aunt Mary are opposed to me dressing like this and Aunt Ann, Avery, Chelsea, Julia and I are ok with it. That's still five in favor and two against. If we were to add in Ronny, that's six to two..."
"Ronny doesn't live here," my mother snapped. "Ronny will never live here. Is that clear?"
"Let's put Ronny's residence aside for a moment, mom," I said, "and let's get back to problem number one - my need to express myself in this manner. If I continue to dress like this - which, incidentally, no one else seems to have a problem with, can I continue to live here?"
"No," my mother said, flatly.
"Yes, he can," Julia said just as flatly, followed by Chelsea and Avery.
"Oh, really?" My mother folded her arms.
"We pay pay rent, mom," Julia said firmly, although she was having a hard time making eye contact with our mother, "so we have some say what is allowed and what is not."
"Well," our mother smirked, "perhaps you should look at the name on the mortgage some time."
"Perhaps you should, Deidre," Aunt Mary said nervously.
"What?"
"Come on, Didi. My name is on the mortgage, too. But that aside, Jack's a great kid. So what if he wears pretty clothes? He looks great. I'm glad that blouse is getting some use. I loved it when I bought it and Avery wouldn't even try it on. Look at him, Didi. He looks fine. He and Avery look like twins - just like we always said Chelsea and Julia did. Come on. What's the big deal?"
My mother was about ready to explode. "What's the big deal!? Mary, what will the neighbors think if they see MY SON coming and going in dresses and wearing makeup!?"
"Auntie," Chelsea said in a very gentle voice, "I hardly know the neighbors anymore and I'm sure they don't know us any better. Jack looks really pretty. They'll just see another girl and besides - who cares what they think? Jack is our little brother and we want him to be able to express every part of himself - and that includes this part. Please, Auntie. You need to look at Jack and just see Jack. Please."
She shook her head. "Jack this is just so wrong. I mean, it's a sin, Jack. The Bible says..."
"Ok, stop right there, mom," I held up my hand. "There's way too much to discuss in that statement and if you're going to use The Bible as a weapon, then maybe you should read it before wielding it. I have read it, several times in fact, and I know every verse that condemns the wearing of clothes of the opposite sex and it condemns the slacks you're wearing as much as the blouse I'm wearing. It also condemns a lot of other behavior that we all partake in every day. Besides, except for a few Christmases and Easters when we were little, you haven't set foot in a church enough times to start preaching to me."
She knew I had a point, so she took a different tact. "Ok, but what about your career. You want to be a teacher, Jack. Do you seriously think that a school is going to hire a man who dresses like a woman to work children?"
"I can answer that," Avery offered. "The school where I did my observations last semester had three gender fluid teachers and it didn't seem to raise any eyebrows at all."
When my mother seemed to run out of steam, Chelsea spoke. "In order to put this matter to rest and move on to the next issue, can I propose a trial period from now until the end of the semester? If things go well, then Jacky can continue to live in this gender fluid manner, but if there are any issues that upset things in the household, then we can revisit things in this kind of a calm, businesslike manner, say, in late May or early June?"
My mother just glared at me, but Aunt Mary said, "What do you say, Didi? That seems reasonable, doesn't it?"
My mother finally shook her head. "Alright, but I am not happy with this situation at all."
I nodded and smiled at Chelsea. "Thank you," I mouthed. Then to my mother, I said, "Thank you, mom. I appreciate that."
She shook her head and looked a bit disgusted. "So... what else did you want to discuss?"
"Well," I braced myself, "we really do need to talk about Ronny."
"No," my mother said, adamantly, "we most certainly do not need to discuss him. That man will never live in this house, again."
"Ok, calm down, now, Didi," Aunt Mary said.
"Are you on their side on everything?" my mother snapped.
"I'm not on anyone's side, Didi, but let's just hear them out. Ann needs help and Ronny is offering some assistance. I think we need to at least consider it."
"After what that little shit did to YOUR daughter? I'm shocked you'd even consider letting him back into this house." My mother knew how to flex her muscles in ways I had never understood before. She was a bully of the highest caliber.
"Ok," I stopped her attack. "Chelsea has told us what happened to her, mom, and that was ten years ago. Ronny lived here for almost seven years after that, and she has come and gone prior to her living as a women with no problem, so let's not pretend that she's not allowed here now because she attacked Chelsea."
"SHE!" my mother scoffed. She looked at Aunt Mary for support. "What kind of a world do we live in where a man can just decide that he's a woman and everyone just agrees to call him a SHE? This whole thing is ridiculous."
"Alright, let's stop all of this deflecting and evading," Chelsea said, obviously getting irritated and trying to hold it together. "Whatever happened that day happened between Ronny and me and we are going to work that out..."
"Oh, isn't that nice," my mother interrupted.
"Yes, auntie, it is," Avery put her hand on Chelsea's arm to calm her and she spoke for a moment to give Chelsea time to breathe. "Chelsea has been carrying that pain around for a longtime without sharing it with anyone because neither you nor her own mother were mature enough to get an eighteen year old boy who'd been drinking hard for years, or a twelve year old girl who'd just been attacked by that boy, who also happened to be her cousin, any counseling. So, YES, that is NICE. It's NICE that something positive is finally happening in this family."
My mother's eyes narrowed and she looked at Avery as if she was about to attack. "You have no idea what we did..."
"No, Didi," my Aunt Mary stopped my mother. "She's right. We should have gotten Ronny help when he was thirteen or fourteen and we knew it. So did Annie. Chelsea paid a price for that and I should have gotten her help too." She looked at Chelsea and Aunt Mary's face dissolved into tears. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."
Chelsea sniffled and nodded, but turned her head away to avoid weakening her resolve. She took a breath and resumed her slow march to her point. "Ronny needs to be here to help Aunt Ann, but we all understand that she can't just move back in. So, we would like her to be able to come in the afternoons after she gets out of work and leave after dinner. Just three hours a day or so to help her mother. Then on weekends, say a few hours on Saturdays a maybe a little longer on Sundays when you two work, anyway. Would that be acceptable?"
My mother fumed for a few moments, looked to Aunt Mary, but got no support there, and finally said, "Alright, but he has to be dressed in men's clothing."
"No," Julia spoke up. "Ronny is a woman, now. She will dress anyway she feels comfortable."
"Then no," my mother said with no feeling at all.
"Mom," I finally rejoined the conversation, "would you really hurt your own sister that much just to hurt Ronny?"
She huffed a little, but didn't respond.
"Mom... how many times did Ronny reach out to all of you before she nearly killed herself?" I asked, quietly.
"That..." My mother shook her head at the memory. "... that... what he did to himself was the act of a spoilt brat trying to hurt his mother."
"No, mom. That was the result of a spoilt brat hurting her sister and her son for years. Ronny begged for help through her actions for years and every adult in her life turned her back on her. When she finally figured out who she was and asked for help again, every adult turned her back again. Are you going to turn your back YET AGAIN? Should we start waving Bible verses about forgiveness, or family, or a hundred other things around, mom, because in this case they actually ARE applicable. Mom... please... be the woman I always thought you were. Please... Ronny's your niece or at least your nephew. Auntie Ann is your sister. Please, mom... please... find some space in your heart to let them be together now, when they really need each other."
She looked at me and then at Julia. "Do you two think I'm some kind of a monster?"
"No, mom," Julia said, "but you need to stop worrying about what other people think and start thinking about 'us.' About all of us. Not just you and me and Jack, but the whole family. That includes Ronny and Ronny is your niece, now. Not your nephew. She's trying to put her life together and she needs your help."
"To your credit," Chelsea said, "none of us would have known anything about Ronny if you hadn't raised Jacky so well. Even though Ronny was a jerk to him, Jack bent over backwards to make sure that she was ok and found her when she didn't want to be found. Jacky's a good kid, auntie. You should be proud of him... no matter what he's wearing."
She stared at my sister and me. "I'm not evil. I'm really not."
"I know, mom," Julia said, "but you need to be more open to what the people around you need. Not just worrying about what the neighbors think."
"Mom," I said as gently as I could, "I don't want to be at odds with you forever. I love you, but I can't accept these limitations on me, and I certainly can't allow you to interfere with Aunt Ann and Ronny's relationship just because I love you. Please, don't make me leave."
And then... it was weird... it's was like everything changed. My mother's eyes had gotten watery while I was speaking and when I asked her not to make me leave, she seemed to choke up a little. I was surprised when she reached across the table and took my hand. "I'm not going to make you leave. I really do love you, Jacky. And I am very proud of you." Then she took Julia's hand. "I love you, too, Jules." Then she let go of our hands and took each of my cousins' hands in hers. "I love you girls, too."
Finally, she sat back. "Alright, Ronny can come in to help after work on a probationary basis, but... no drinking or drugs. Understood?"
"Understood," we all agreed.
"Ok." She nodded. "And I'm sorry... for... all of this, I guess," she said. She looked around. "Are we done?"
"Well," Aunt Mary sighed, "actually... there is something else we need to talk about."
The next two hours were a painful, but eye opening discussion of our mothers' divorces and their flights from unforgiving families as well as long apologies for the lies we'd been told our whole lives about our father's having died in military service. By bedtime, I think we were all emotional wrecks, but a lot of doors had been opened and the need for some real therapy was finally agreed upon.
The next day I dressed a little more girlish - just a bit. I wore leggings with a baby blue, cable knit sweater that was long enough to be a dress. Again a gift someone had given Avery that she thought was too girly, but which I had kind of envied from the moment I had seen it. This time, I did take her up on the cute little boots, though and it did make me look a bit more feminine.
Ria loved the new look, too. Once again finding reasons to accidentally rub against my flat lower abdomen in a playful manner.
Chelsea wanted to be the one to call Ronny and tell her the news. Ronny was very happy to be returning to family, even in a probational status.
After school, all of us, even Ria, went to the hospital to visit Aunt Ann. She looked much better. We told her that Ronny was going to be able to be with her in the afternoons and she was very happy to hear that.
"And your mother was ok with that?" she asked Julia.
"Of course." My sister smiled as if there had never been any reason for concern. "We're all family, auntie. We just want what's best for you."
Avery and Chelsea smiled at me.
Aunt Ann looked at all of us and smiled. "You all look so pretty, but I don't know how I'm going to tell my two Averys apart."
"Jacky's the girlier one," Avery teased.
"You laugh," Aunt Ann smiled, "but have you seen my son?" She shook her head. "I have to admit... he does seem much happier."
"She, auntie," I corrected her. "We all have to remember to refer to Ronny as 'she' from now on. She's working very hard to be a woman and we owe her that."
My aunt took my hand. "Ok, Jacky. I guess that you would know better than anyone else."
I chuckled.
"So, Jacky..." She eyed me. "Are you going to have yourself snipped, too?"
"Oh, auntie, don't say that!" I said, a bit revolted, especially considering how Ronnie had actually castrated herself.
"I'm only using the same word that Ronnie used," she said, pulling me down to sit on the edge of her bed, beside her. "Now, I know I'm being nosy, but I ignored the whole situation in Ronny's case and look at all the pain I caused and I don't want to do the same with you. So... here you are, looking very pretty in you're leggings and sweater... so, I'm asking... Do you plan to become a woman, too?"
I took her hand and kissed it. "No, auntie, I don't. I want to keep all my plumbing in tact and I want to keep right on being you're nephew. I just want to be... prettier. That's all."
She peaked at Ria and whispered, "And that cute girlfriend of yours? She's ok with this?"
"Yes, I'm fine with it," Ria laughed. "I think he's adorable."
"Auntie," Avery jumped in, "you should see the dress she bought him! Oh! I'm so jealous of it and he won't let me wear it until he does." She gave me a playful slap. "He's so selfish."
Aunt Ann laughed at that. "You'll have to show me when I get home. Whenever that is."
"I will," I promised.
"Honestly," my Aunt said, looking at the girls, "I can't understand these boys wanting to be girls. It seems so much harder than being a boy. You have so much less say in your life than a boy does. It takes so much longer to get ready. Everything you do is judged by everyone. Breasts are such a burden - they're always in the way. Then, for biological women, there's the messy things like periods and lactation and all of the maintenance that goes with being female... But all these boys see are the pretty clothes."
"No, auntie, that's not all that it is," I laughed. "For me, it's... I guess it's just being able to express a part of myself that I can't usually express. When I look like this... I feel like a different person and I feel better being able to express myself this way."
Aunt Ann smiled and pet my hand.
"But for Ronny..." I continued. "Auntie, I think it's really important that everyone understands that Ronny isn't just expressing a side of herself, like I am. Ronny was desperately unhappy as a man and had a need to be a woman. That's a whole different thing than me, auntie. Ronny has always been a woman inside. Now, she's becoming one outside."
She looked at me for a long moment, then used her other hand to wave me towards her. "Come here and hug me."
I leaned over and hugged my poor, weak aunt.
"Promise me something, Jacky," she said, quietly.
"Sure, auntie."
"Stay with Ronny. She probably doesn't know it, but she needs you."
I couldn't help but laugh at that. "She's had a hard time getting rid of me so far, auntie."
Ronny did what she needed to do to get a license with her new gender listed on it and she managed to work out a schedule with some friends to borrow cars to get her to the hospital for the next couple of weeks and be with my aunt every night until she had her hip replacement surgeries and then was sent home. Once she was home, Ronny was at our house nearly every night, at first avoiding my mother like the plague, but eventually they did start seeing each other and that, eventually, led to some levels of civility. Through my Aunt Mary's intervention, there even came one night when Julia, Ria and I walked into the kitchen to find that Ronny was joining us all for dinner. To say I was shocked would be an understatement, but it was a pleasant shock!
Chelsea spoke to people in the psych department, who gave her many recommendations for family therapists in our area. She spent hours on line researching these people, then interviewed therapist after therapist after therapist until she found a practice that she felt would be a good fit for us. We started meeting in small groups and then all together and, honestly, I think we've made some real progress as a family. I mean, I think I always knew we were kind of a repressed group of people, but we were happy enough - BUT THEN we found out that any happiness that we thought we might have had was really a lie. That could have destroyed us, right, but it didn't. Somehow, all the screaming and swearing and even the slapping (although I wouldn't recommend the slapping) eventually led to some real healing. Now, I think we're on our way to becoming... functional. Really. I think someday we might actually get there.
So, I guess that wraps up my story...
... well...
...except...
Remember those tickets for that show in Boston that I gave Ria for Christmas? Well, it turns out that Ria made some plans to give me a present that night, too. My plan had been to drive into the city, have dinner in a nice restaurant (you may remember that I gave her a gift certificate for dinner at a restaurant of her choice) see the show, then drive home. A nice, dressed up, grown up evening.
Ria had other ideas, though.
See, as you know, I was still a virgin, but Ria was not. She'd had a few serious relationships already, with both men and even with a girl and... well... she wasn't a virgin. Anyway, she'd decided that she wanted to make our Boston trip an opportunity for me to lose my virginity - only if I wanted to, of course - and to that end, she wanted to make it a special and romantic night.
The thing was, though, she didn't tell me about the 'losing my virginity' part.
So, she ordered a town car to pick us up and drive us into Boston and to a hotel just across from the theatre. It was a really fancy place, too. Much nicer than The Marriott, which may sound silly, but it's the only other hotel I'd ever seen in real life.
We checked in at four thirty that afternoon, had the staff carry our bags to our room, and took our time getting ready for dinner.
By this time, I'd been living a 'gender fluid' life for over a month, but to be honest, I'd been living pretty much full time in female mode, and I'd gotten pretty darned good at doing my own hair and makeup. So, that night I'd gotten my hair done nicely and my makeup done to my satisfaction, but Ria stopped me.
"Sit here at the mirror, Jack," she said with a smile. "I want to do your makeup a little fancier tonight."
Always up for anything girly, I sat at the mirrored vanity and my girlfriend went to work on my eyes first. She made them a little 'smokier' with some darker hues and that made them pop just a bit more than usual. Then she took a bright red lipstick and a brush and began painting my lips as if I was a work of art. She layered coat after coat of the thick, rich color onto my lips until she was satisfied with the look.
"You've been using that lip conditioner that Avery bought you at night, haven't you?" she asked.
"Morning and night," I confirmed. "Can you tell."
"Sure I can." She smiled as she painted. "You're not exactly Angelina Jolie, yet, but they are much more plump and full than they used to be."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." She smiled. "They're softer when I kiss you, too. I like that."
I have to admit - when your fully dressed girlfriend has you seated in a chair, while you're wearing a petticoated slip, with a bra and panties, a garter belt, real silk stockings and the most delicate little pumps you've ever seen, while she works on your makeup to make you look even more feminine for your date with her, you've got to consider what she means when she tells you how much she likes your pillowy soft lips when she kisses you. Is she being sarcastic and playing some kind of femdom game, or is she being honest? I looked into her eyes and I saw how she looked at me and I didn't see any kind of sexual one-upmanship there. I just saw love and affection, so I knew that she was telling the truth.
"Here." She smiled as she spread some sort of gel across my lips. "That will seal your lip color on." She looked at me and smiled even more broadly. "I'm the luckiest girl in the world, you know that?"
"You are?" I giggled. "Why is that?"
"Well, just look at my boyfriend. Some girls have boyfriends who are handsome, but my boyfriend is just plain beautiful." She shook her head a little. "Just beautiful."
I looked at her mocha skin and gorgeous brown eyes, and I smiled. "I'm not as beautiful as you are, Ria. Sometimes I can't believe that a skinny, girly boy like me could ever have found someone as exotic and amazing as you."
"Exotic?" She chuckled. "Everyone in my family looks just like me, Jacky. There's nothing exotic about me. I'm just a girl from Nepal, baby. Black hair and brown skin is all part of the package."
"And I'm just a fairy from Massachusetts, Ria. The skinny body and the love of all things girly are part of the package, too."
She kissed me gently on the lips. "Then aren't we just the luckiest two people in the world to have found each other?"
She walked to the bed and picked up the blue dress she'd given me for Christmas. Of course, I'd worn a couple of dozen dresses by that night, but nothing like that one. That dress was extraordinary. It was a statement of femininity far beyond anything I'd ever seen Julia, Avery or Chelsea ever wear - even to a prom. This dress said to the world 'I am a woman and I am proud of it. Look at me and be jealous.' And I couldn't wait to wear it to dinner and the show.
"Are you ready to be my beautiful, classy girlfriend for the night?" Ria asked.
I stood and smiled. "Forever," I smiled.
I stepped into that miraculous dress and allowed Ria to zip it up my back, then button the top few buttons back there as well and when I looked in the mirror, a vision of female beauty looked back at me. Her smoky eyes and bright red lips were appropriate decorations for the dress' aesthetic and the pumps made a delicate statement of female fashion as well.
I was still captivated by my own reflection when Ria stepped in beside me and her beauty distracted me. She was dressed in a Kelly green top with blousy sleeves and a slit neckline and a pleated gold skirt that flowed to just below her knees. Beneath that, she wore her favorite knee high, high heeled boots. Simple and beautiful.
Already an inch and a half taller than me with out shoes on, she was substantially taller than me as she stood next to me and we looked at each other in the mirror.
"We make an odd couple, don't we?" I mused.
"I think we make a beautiful couple," Ria said with more feeling than I could have imagined. She put an arm around me and shook her head as she looked into the mirror. "I don't know about you, Jacky, but I couldn't be happier than I am right now."
I had to agree.
We took the elevator to the rooftop restaurant where we had an amazing view of Boston Harbor as well as the city that was lit up around us.
I glanced at the menu and my jaw actually dropped. I leaned across the table and whispered to Ria, "We can't afford this, Ria. There's nothing on this menu under thirty five dollars and that's just for the entrée. Vegetables and drinks and everything else is extra."
Ria smiled at me. "Don't worry, honey. You know that my parents are both well off. Well, I have a credit card I share with them. It's supposed to only be used for emergencies, but they gave me permission to use it for this trip as long as I pay it off a little at a time. Relax and enjoy yourself."
I tried to relax, but I couldn't. I searched for the cheapest item and found the Waldorf Salad for twenty seven dollars.
The waiter arrived and asked for our orders. I placed my order and looked at Ria.
"I'll have the Roasted Salmon with Lentils and Bacon and a small house salad to start," Ria said. I was shocked. The salmon was sixty nine dollars!
"Very good, ladies," the waiter said as he reached for the menus, but Ria held up her hand to stop him.
Then looked at me. "Do you even know what's in a Waldorf Salad?"
I shrugged. "Lettuce, right?"
She shook her head. "Cancel the Waldorf Salad. She'll have the same thing I'm having."
"Very good," the waiter smiled and took the menus, departing.
"Waldorf Salad has apples, walnuts, celery and grapes in a mayonnaise sauce on a very shallow bed of romain lettuce. It's barely an appetizer."
I was shocked. "How can they charge twenty seven dollars for something like that?"
"Look around, Jack. They're not just charging for the food. They're charging for all of this. All of this elegance and beauty. This is what we're paying for. So, please... relax and start enjoying it."
"Excuse me," a very well dressed woman in her late thirties or early forties appeared at our table and touched Ria's shoulder to interrupt. "I'm sorry, but I saw you two ladies come in and I just had to get a look at this dress your companion is wearing. Do you mind?"
I was a little surprised that she was asking Ria this question rather than me. Perhaps Ria just looked like she was in charge, I don't know, but regardless, I was wearing the dress, yet I was not asked the question.
"Not at all," Ria said with great pride. "Jacky, would you mind standing so this lady might get a better look at your dress?"
Still baffled, I stood. "Not at all," I said with a slightly confused smile.
The woman immediately began fingering the material. "Oh, this is just lovely. It's not a reproduction is it?"
"No. It's an original. It's from nineteen sixty one. I bought it from a classic clothing shop for her. It suits her, don't you think?"
"Indeed I do," the woman looked me over like I was a product. Then she smiled at my confused expression. "I'm sorry, dear. I know I come off a bit intense sometimes. I teach costuming over at Emerson. I am obsessed with the Camelot period - you know - the JFK White house years. All of Jackie's clothing... Marilyn Monroe... Audrey Hepburn... Oh, but of course you girls are too young to know anything about that."
"Actually," Ria grinned, "it may surprise you to learn that the girl wearing that dress is actually named Jacky and her middle name is Kennedy."
I looked at Ria with fear in my eyes. I though for sure that she was about to 'out' me as a boy.
"Oh, no kidding?" The woman smiled. "Usually, mothers only saddle their boys with presidential names. I don't think I've ever met a child named for a First Lady. I think that's lovely. Of course, this kind of dress, with the petticoat and all, would have been the kind of thing that Jackie Kennedy would have worn as the wife of SENATOR Kennedy. By the time Jack was running for President, she was part of the less fussy movement that favored shells and sheath dresses. That sporty look we associate with the Camelot era... Oh, listen to me droning on and on like I'm in a lecture hall," the woman laughed. "I'm sorry. My husband is probably having a fit back at our table." She looked at me and smiled. "You look lovely, dear. Your makeup matches beautifully, too." She stepped away from me and smiled at both of us. "Enjoy your dinners, girls. Thank you for your time. Have a wonderful night."
That was just the first of dozens of compliments I got that evening. My dress seemed to attract women with even a passing interest in clothing from hundreds of feet away. Each one touched and ohh-ed and ahh-ed at the beauty and craftsmanship of the dress. Suddenly I understood the appeal of wearing a bridal gown and being the center of attention amongst a group of overly enthusiastic women. It was an amazing feeling. I felt all at once beautiful and special and as if the gift that I'd been given by Ria had been chosen specifically to allow me to feel that way.
The show was amazing, too. I'd only ever seen a musical performed at a high school or in a film. It's a whole different thing to be just a few dozen feet away from someone who is singing with that kind of passion. It really tears at your soul like nothing else I ever experienced before. Between the experiences brought on by the dress, the gourmet meal in the elegant restaurant and the passionate performances at the show, by the time I returned to my hotel room, I felt as if I was a whole different person. As if parts of me that I never knew existed had been opened up and I was feeling things I'd never felt before.
But the night was still young.
When we got to our room, Ria told me to turn so she could unbutton, then unzip me. She lowered the dress and I slipped off my pumps and I stepped out of the dress. I picked it up and laid it carefully on the back of a chair. I was about to take off the slip, but before I could, Ria had her arms around me and was kissing me more passionately than she'd ever done before.
Quickly, her kisses moved from my lips to my ears then my neck and while her lips were busy there, her hands were busy caressing my body thorough the silky material of my slip and petticoats. Living in a crowded house and having so many people always around, Ria and I had had limited time to ourselves and much of that had been in restaurants and movie theaters. We'd never really had this kind of privacy before and she was taking full advantage of the situation and, to tell you the truth, it had caught me by surprise. It was a pleasant surprise, but it was a surprise, nonetheless.
Before I was able to even gather my thoughts and reciprocate by kissing Ria back, I found myself on the hotel bed, with Ria raising my petticoats up to my chest.
I reached up to touch her breasts, but she pushed me away. "Not yet, honey." She smiled. She caressed the silky, flat front of my panties. "Let me take care of something first."
She bent low and kissed me on the lips, still caressing that area. "I know this is your first time, baby, so let's get the first orgasm out of the way. Then you can relax and we can take our time."
I just blushed at the thought that Ria had had more experience than I had.
She smiled at my embarrassment. "Don't worry, honey. I understand." Her hand worked it's way into the waistband of my panties and then into the gusset where my penis was tucked away. There, she began to stroke my tucked member, causing it to stiffen uncomfortably in its confines. Sensing my discomfort, she gently maneuvered it to a more natural position. "There," she whispered, almost maternally, "that's better, isn't it?" I smiled and nodded. "We don't have to do this, baby. It's up to you. We'll only do it if you want to. I can stop any time you want me to."
"No," I gasped, almost like a child, "don't stop. I want to."
She smiled, happy with my answer. "Ok. I won't stop."
Then, much to my surprise, she pulled her hand out of my panties. I think I may have whimpered a bit, but I needn't have. She was right back at it a moment later, but now caressing my shaft through the silk panties.
"You know," she whispered, "I think that one of the things that attracted me to you in the first place was the thought of you wearing panties that first night I met you at the restaurant. I mean, a boy in panties is a pretty hot boy, in my opinion. I don't like smelly, hairy, hard bodied boys. I like my boys soft and pretty and smelling like lavender, or orchids, or roses, or vanilla. I like them to feel like silk and satin and nylon. This," she squeezed my penis, just a bit, and increased her speed, "this is the only thing that should ever get hard on a boy that I'm with. I want my boy to be a pretty girl for me, and that's why I love you, Jacky. You're my pretty girl, aren't you?"
I was so close to exploding that my face was tingling. I wasn't sure if I could speak, but I managed to eek out a quiet, "Yes."
"Yes, my pretty girl. Now, just relax, my pretty, little girl. Here it comes. Here it comes. Here it...."
And there it came. I exploded into my panties. Any orgasms I'd ever had before had been in my sleep and the ecstatic feelings that this experience was flooding through my body was beyond anything in my wildest dreams. I convulsed and gasped and tried to scream, but the strangled sounds that came out were breathless, female sounding gasps and made Ria smile.
"That's my good girl," she beamed at me. "See how nice that is? And that's just from a hand job. We have a long, long night ahead of us, young lady. Tonight, you are learning a lot about being a grown up girl."
She sent me off to the bathroom to change out of my soiled panties and clean myself up. On the way back she stopped me before I reached the bed. "You're going to need a few minutes to recover, honey, so let me teach you how to use that tongue of yours properly. Kneel down, right here in front of me."
I did and she raised her gold skirt. "Look at you," she smiled down at me. Perfect makeup, perfect hair and the prettiest slip and petticoat I've ever seen. What a picture you make." I don't think there was any sense on dominance in her attitude or words. Just affection. "Now, lower my panties, baby." I did. "I'm sure you know what you're looking at, so let's start by having your tongue give my clitoris some attention."
I did my best, and with Ria guiding me, I was soon finding just the right spots to satisfy her with my tongue. Her gasps and sighs and groans let me know that I was doing a good job, and after ten minutes or so she pushed me away.
"Oh, my, my, my," she gasped. "Too much of a good thing. You might make me pass out." She laughed and fanned herself as she dropped her skirt back into place. "Alright, little girl," she teased me, "stand up."
I did, and she pulled my slip from my shoulders, having me step out of it and it's petticoats. She turned to her overnight bag and pulled a soft, lavender, lace nightie out and presented it to me.
"I bought you a present."
I put it on eagerly. Since my bra was still in place on my chest, it hung nicely on me. "I love it," I admitted, "but... I'm still your boyfriend, right? I mean... this girl talk stuff is just for sex talk, right?"
Still in her clothes, so still in her heeled boots, she stood a good deal taller than me. "Does it matter? I think you're very pretty, whether you're presenting as a boy or a girl. I just want to help you be even prettier. That's ok, isn't it?"
'You think I'm pretty even when I'm dressed as a guy?" I asked, sounding a little confused.
"As pretty as a picture," she giggled. She hugged me, then laid me gently in the bed where I experienced my first blowjob. I couldn't believe how amazing and intimate it felt. The warmth of her mouth on my most sensitive part... The caress of her tongue on the underside of my shaft... I didn't think I'd ever feel anything that amazing in my life! I lasted as long as I could, but when I came, I came even harder and with even more satisfaction than I'd come from the handjob.
But then, after some recovery time playing with Ria's breasts, she smiled and said, "It's time, baby. Are you ready?"
You know, it's weird, but I was actually a little scared. Maybe it was because it all seemed so very important. Like the actual act of penetration was somehow something more important or more earth shaking than what we'd already done, but I felt my heart beating just a little faster and my face was just a little more heated at the thought of actually going through with this act.
It didn't make sense to be scared, though. I mean, I loved Ria and she loved me. She was on birth control and I wanted to do it. There was no reason not to do this. It was just me over thinking everything like I always did.
Ria could see that I was scared, though. "It's ok, baby. If you don't want to do it, we don't have to."
"No," I said. "I want to do it."
"Are you sure?"
I nodded. "I do. I really want to. I love you, Ria. I want to do it."
She lowered her head and placed the softest, most loving kiss I have ever received on my lips. 'I love you, too, my beautiful baby."
I was on my back and Ria raised my nightie up around my waist. But what happened next didn't feel anything like me penetrating Ria. Instead, she accepted me into her. She was in charge, but not being commanding. Just... it's just that she knew what to do and she guided and taught me how to be a part of her. How to become one with her. It wasn't the thrill of sex that I'd expected. It was the completion of coupling. The fulfilling of the need to be completely connect with the woman I loved in a way that I didn't truly understand that I could.
Some people say that the night you have sex for the first time is the night you become a man. I never felt less manly in my life! I felt needy and dependent and wanting while also feeling complete and connected to everything important to me in ways I never knew possible. I felt like a part of me had been opened that I didn't even know had existed and that I'd never be able to be a whole person again unless I was with Ria in that way. I was always told that men were strong and self-sufficient. I felt smaller than ever and more in need of my partner than ever. On talking to Julia about it later, she says that's how girls feel.
Maybe I am a girl, deep down, but I don't think I need to be one physically. I think that certain male parts of me need to stay forever, especially that part of me that connects me to Ria.
Besides, there should be at least one guy in the house, right? Even if he is wearing the prettiest dress.
So - That's my family. We're a screwed up mess, but... I think we might have a chance of making it all work someday. We're trying. And deep down, we do all seem to love each other. That's a good starting point, right?
As for me... I'm going to keep trying to be the best 'me' that I can be - whether people view me as a girl or a boy, I just want to be the best person I can be.
A good girlfriend and a good boyfriend.
A good cousin.
A good sister and a good brother.
A good niece and a good nephew.
A good daughter and a good son.
THE END