Did I even recognize myself anymore?

Pete's Vagina
59. Hut... Hut...
by Erin Halfelven

The road out to El Tesoro Park-N-View was barely paved. The city hadn’t expanded in this direction as much as in others, perhaps because of fewer trees and rockier ground. More deserty seeming. I hadn’t said anything since Lee asked about Megan before we turned off the highway. The bleak landscape seemed to fit my changeable mood.

I knew Lee wanted to ask me to go to Homecoming…as his date. And part of me wanted him to ask. Which confused and, yes, depressed me a bit. Where had Pete gone? He wasn’t precisely macho but certainly wasn’t any sort of a sissy. Did I even recognize myself anymore?

We pulled into the lot of the drive-in on a short spur road that couldn’t be said to be paved at all, just desert hardpan—dirt that wasn’t quite solid enough to be rock. The suspension of the van groaned as we hit a bump or two, and some dust got into the cab from somewhere, bringing with it the smell of a summer that had passed months ago.

“Sorry,” said Lee, and I reflexively smiled in his direction. “Where should we park? Up close to the screen, or further back near the concessions?”

I looked at him blankly, then commented, “I’m still stuffed from lunch!”

He laughed and nodded. “Me, too,” he agreed. “We’ve got coupons for popcorn, but at the moment, I’d have to save it to make garlands for Christmas.” He made a face, then grinned.

I laughed at that, my mood lifting with Lee’s silliness. “I never realized what a goof you are -- and we’ve gone to school together since… what... seventh grade?”

“And I’ve always been a goof,” he assured me. He crossed the lot and parked sideways in Row C near the far edge, away from the entrance road. “Less dust,” he said as he set the brake.

“We’re sideways to how everyone else parks,” I pointed out.

He began getting out on his side. “We’ll use the van as our own private box seat,” he said as he clambered out. He shut the driver’s side door, and I looked around, confused for a moment. I saw him start around the front of the van, moving with his herky-jerky rhythm, so I opened the door on my side. And then there he was, offering an arm to help me down.

I blushed, and his grin got wider. “I’m not used to this. Jake never offers to help me down,” I said.

He scoffed. “I may be a goof, but Jake is a goober.”

I easily dismounted from the cab with only a light touch on his arm to steady me. “Thank you,” I said.

“No one understands why you and Jake never dated,” he commented as he slid the big side door of the van open.

I had to blink at that. “Dating Jake would be like dating my brother!” I told him. “If I had a brother.” And it was true. Jake and I had been like brothers. Was that not so anymore?

“Well, I don’t think Jake felt the same,” said Lee, as he offered an arm again for me to climb into the middle part of the van.

“Huh?” I said. The central seat had been turned sideways against the far side of the van, leaving the seat facing the open door.

“Jake’s feelings,” he said. “He certainly doesn’t think of you as a brother.”

I rolled my eyes at his grin. But, ouch!

I changed the subject. “What have you done to the inside of the van?” I peered into the opening, realizing that the third seat had been turned sideways, too, against the passenger side behind the sliding door.

“More room for cargo this way, loaded from the back end,” he said. “And still useable as a bus if needed.”

“Uh-huh,” I agreed vaguely. I grabbed at handholds and levered myself up inside. Using Lee’s arm as a bracing point would have just been awkward.

“Temptation,” he said behind me.

“What?” I asked, turning to sit in the sideways middle seat.

He climbed aboard, too, grinning. “Nothing,” he denied.

I wasn’t that naive, so I made a face at him but didn’t admit I knew he had thought about patting my ass. Less embarrassing to say nothing about it, but I wondered. Would Jake have done it…now?

Lee joined me on the sideways middle bench, leaving the big door open so we could see the screen.

He sat quite close and casually put an arm on the top of the seat behind my head. I turned to look up at him. Even sitting down, he was taller than me. “Cozy,” I commented.

“Uh-huh,” he agreed. He reached across his own lap with his free hand and captured both of mine in his bigger grasp.

The sun had continued its westering course, and now just touched the arm of the mountain -- sunset beginning. Already spotlights chased each other on the big empty screen. Soon it would be dark enough for the Coming Attractions.

I lifted my face toward his, closing my eyes.