Root CGD: Day 17 captivity, 12:54 PM
CinT Ark Loc: Exhibit Housing
“No… That’s not what happened,” I squeaked, feeling flush, warm, and embarrassed that she was claiming what I’d felt while with Jessie had been an orgasm or even some sort of climax. That’s not how it works!

“Yeah, pretty sure that’s what happened, Cameron, and honestly good for you. Might as well get something good out of this fucked up place if...”

“No!” I barked at her in midsentence, thinking I could put a different spin on her understanding of what I’d experienced. “We weren’t doing... No, not like, I mean...," I couldn’t finish my thought because I was remembering those feelings of the purest excitement I’d ever experienced just thinking about being with Jessie.

Like when his mouth engulfed one of my puffy nipples while his hands were squeezing my breasts and he made all those slurping noises. How just before that we’d been locked in a long, passionately desperate kiss I had no idea why I was even participating in—but could feel as though it had happened before and I was trying to recapture that moment. At one point during that kiss, I thought I’d surely choke on his tongue as it swirled and explored lustfully in my mouth. None of that had been a one-sided affair, and I took greedily and gave during those slower moments his hands were all over my body, caressing skin that tingled and felt electrically charged.

I had gotten completely lost in the excitement I was feeling, the way it had overwhelmed my senses over and over. Then, there was that comforting warmth blanketing my entire body, building, and demanding something bigger within me to awaken. When I thought I could finally surrender to it, I was awash in a paradise I’d never felt before and unable to contain my delirium or enthusiasm to chase those sensations!

FUCK ME!

I notice Ali’s head tilting slightly; she was staring at me questioningly, and there was a hint of a smile on her lips.

“You’re feeling it now, aren’t you? How you felt last night?”

“No… I’m, I was... Is it that obvious?” I asked, burying my face in my hands, mortified she could tell I’d left the present to slip so easily and happily into remembering those exhilarating moments.

I pulled my knees to my chest and tried to slow my breathing and clear my mind from remembering how his hands repeatedly squeezed my ass when he pulled me on top of him and how they gently caressed my ass cheeks afterwards. How his finger moved sensually over that opening between my...

A little chuckle interrupted that thought, and Ali began speaking, “Look, Zenia told me the hormones we’re getting if given to a man would almost certainly rewire their brain on some level. She wasn’t sure how the ‘arousal’ drugs we women are getting would mess with you, but her best guess is it would be similar to what we experience during sex.

“Trust me on this, you’re gonna waaant it, all of it, and bad at times when you’re in the throes of getting it. You’ll chase it because, well damn it, it feels fucking amazing! I’ll keep going sometimes with Mike after he’s finished and waning because I’m close and needing my own release. I’m not shy about getting what I need, and truthfully, I think he likes knowing he’s spun me up to coveting my own release—even though I’m doing all the work to get there,” she finished saying with a little chuckle.

My hands felt warm against my legs, just like when I had been holding Jessie’s balls in one hand and I’d sensually tugged with the other on his fully erect...

No! I extended my legs and rubbed my hands over my dress lying on them to smooth the fabric. Breathe! Get your mind off of sex and concentrate on something, anything else!

What was the Barrow Gar’s last known Ark Loc? The Marris Wormhole, just past Y2CAL.21.E, no sector 21.F. Fuck! Think damn it! Cargo, the bay had a payload of three hundred containers of distilled Linaria sipping whiskey. We were slated to make a bonus for having detoured and offloading Cyrain wheat starts on the Verus outpost. We needed to...

“You alright? You look really, really uncomfortable,” Ali said, breaking my train of thought.

Why was I sensing Jessie kissing his way down my stomach right now, wrapping his warm lips around my limp... NO! Fuck! No more of this shit!

I stood and looked at Ali, determined to end this conversation. “None of that should have happened.”

“Okay, but don’t you think you should accept what you two did for what it was?”

“I can’t… This isn’t who I am, Ali!” I complained, spreading my arms to accentuate the point.

“Not who you are? Please don’t tell me how you’re not a woman again.”

“I’m not though!” For a fraction of a second I’d thought to add that Jessie was gay and it wouldn’t matter if I were a woman or not, but held my tongue.

“Right now you’re more woman than man. I’m not sure I understand why you’re fighting it and not just trying to soak up the experience. You can’t change the situation you’re in right now, and you’ve certainly made it clear you’re going to get all this reversed when we’re out of here. Do you really want to have had this chance to see what it’s like for us girls, to experience a little of what’s possible while you can? If you’re not experiencing this, you’re pissing away an opportunity I think you’ll regret later on.”

I wanted to reply again that I wasn’t a woman, but knew she’d jump down my throat. Hadn’t I experienced enough discomfort already in this new existence of mine, this ‘opportunity’ to be a woman? I shook my head absently as memories from earlier this morning blended with those memories I had that were telling me I’d experienced all those things and more before, somehow, with some other man.

“Garrett?” she asked softly.

“No,” I replied with less conviction than I had meant to after being snapped back to the present.

“Would you regret last night if you’d explored all those things with him last night?”

“No… I mean yes! I’m not,” and Ali tilted her head in annoyance to preempt the complaint I was going to levy about not being a woman. “Yeah, well, I’m not one, so whatever...”

“Think I’d accept your first answer as the truth and what’s really bothering you about having had a little much-needed fun and what sounds like a meaningful release last night.”

“Whatever,” I began slowly, “There was something off though, like I’d experienced some of this before.”

“Really, like with Garrett?” She asked surprised, maybe even sounding a little confused.

“No, not him... I can’t explain it, but I can assure you I’ve never been with a man before or even considered it. Yet I was sensing I’d done some of that stuff Jessie and I did together before.”

“Okay, so what are you saying?”

“I honestly don’t know, but those memories weren’t real and never happened, so... I’m really confused as to why I’d have them or think I’d done anything like that with someone else.”

“Could they have been projected somehow? Like, you were getting into character, embracing the woman in you?”

“Huh? In character? I don’t even know who I am right now in my own damn body, Ali! No clue as to what’s really going on inside of me... Those things I felt and saw in my mind were awful damn vivid, as real feeling as the actual acts Jessie and I were engaged in. I can’t explain how those memories exist…”

Root CGD: Day 18 captivity, 12:41 AM
CinT Ark Loc: Exhibit Housing
When the store's port opened, I pushed Jessie aside and sprinted towards it, climbing into the port behind our crate of garbage and thankfully into an empty room. Jessie had been thrown off by my rushing to get to the port and ended up having to wait for the food crate our hosts were delivering before he could dive onto the tracks, avoiding the same closure mechanism beam as I had, and he made it inside just before the door slammed shut. We both waited a few seconds to see if anything was going to happen, like an alarm was going to sound or our hosts were going to rush through the door, which appeared to be exactly where Jessie had said it was, near the red light illuminating the room.

I walked to the door, felt around a panel on the wall next to it, and was able to slide it open with a bit of effort while Jessie was looking around the rest of the room. When he joined me, I stepped aside so he could get a look inside the panel.

“You find anything?” I asked.

“Nothing… I don’t even think they’re monitoring this room,” he said, sounding a little surprised.

“Good, let’s keep moving; do you think you can short those wires and get the door open?” I whispered.

That was a stupid question. He knew his role in this exploratory escape attempt. Augh!

“Slow down,” he said, studying the mass of circuitry and optical wires that glowed softly in multiple colors and a steady pulse. “You know, you about knocked me over out there. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just nervous, and they were late again.”

That was a lie, not the ‘late’ part or having a bit of nervous energy. My issue was that I wanted out of the Exhibit Housing enclosure because the overzealous chorus of ‘clicking’ going on above us meant the crowd was enjoying the show the other six captives were putting on as a diversion for us, and it had seriously grating on my last nerve. I heard exaggerated screams of ecstasy multiple times from each of the other couples in the exhibit, along with fake ass moans of pleasure that were over the top and just plain sickening to listen to too. I’m positive I heard Garrett call out ‘Zen...’ somewhere during all of that noise being made by the couples in a lull of the excited clicks being made by those enamored aliens watching their zoo animals having sex.

Fuck you all and fuck this place!

“Cameron?”

“What?!” I snapped.

“Breathe would you,” he said softly as he moved some of the wires in the control panel around while he tried to figure out getting the door open. “In the garbage, on the top, you’ll see some strips of metal.”

“Right,” I said, turning to go get those, annoyed he had to tell me to relax and to stay focused basically.

He made it sound like I had no clue as to the tools we’d constructed to assist in getting out of here, and that added to my annoyance with this whole plan to escape and being here with him. You wanted the damn tools, knew you’d need them at some point—why didn’t you grab them yourself before coming over to the panel? Asshole…

When I returned and handed him the three strips of metal, he looked them over, choosing the more pointed one, and touched something inside the panel. Nothing happened.

“Well?”

“Well what, Cameron? This could take some time to figure out shorting the circuit or finding the right wire. I’m guessing this panel controls everything in this room, so... Yeah, go look around and see if you can find anything we can use after we get out of here,” he replied, sounding mildly annoyed.

“Fine,” I whispered and turned away.

“Are you pissed at me or something?”

“No…”

“Look, the others had to put on a show for...,” he started to say, but I shut him down.

“I don’t care. Let’s just get the fuck out of here, okay?” I huffed.

There was definitely an awkward silence between after I’d said that, and it stretched longer than I was comfortable with.

“I’m not sorry about last night... I’ve wanted to be with you since you arrived, and when the guys thought we’d be the best team for this, I couldn’t wait. I was the one that came up with the idea for us to be coupled, and I’m not sorry I did or about anything we did last night.”

“You told me all this earlier, Jessie... Can we just focus on getting...,” and it was his turn to interrupt.

“You matter to me, Cam, and I’d want to be with... Well, with you after we got out of here if that’s of any interest to you.”

NO! We get out of here all this crap gets flushed out a docking port and into dead fucking space! I then forget any of this shit even happened to me by drinking myself blind for a CGD week straight!

“Just focus on,” I began saying, but he began shushing me.

“Ssshh… You hearing that?” he asked, concerned.

I slowly turned to look at him from across the small room, straining to hear anything but the dull humming from some piece of equipment in the room. I shrugged at him and said that I didn’t hear anything unusual.

“Fuck, I think we’ve got company,” he said softly, stepping away from the door, and then froze in place as it slid open.

I hadn’t heard the noise he’d mentioned until the door opened, and standing there was a lone alien being studying us like none I’d ever seen or encountered in my travels. The sound it was making was like teeth grinding—angry teeth grinding if there was such a sound. I’d much rather listen to it clicking like its buddies than the sound it was making right now.

Neither Jessie nor I moved, and thankfully neither had the alien yet.

Its head was easily a third of its total body mass, and its fist-sized black eyes appeared dead and unmoving. At just over a meter and a half in height and having four gangly arms with eight or nine finger-like structures on each, it was difficult to assess just how much of a threat it was to us. Both Jessie and I were twenty-five centimeters taller than it was, but there was no way I wanted to rush the thing and try to subdue it. It wasn’t holding any type of weapon or...

“Let’s not...”

Jessie didn’t get to finish his warning to me before the being's upper left arm extended forward in a blur to wrap those long, multi-jointed finger-like structures around his neck. In an instant, it was picking him up off his feet and proceeded to shake him violently twice before dropping him to the floor. The sound of Jessie struggling to breathe or cry out never happened due to the speed at which the attack had happened. The act was so intensely violent and happened so quickly I hadn’t even been able to scream his name fully before he was lying on the floor in a crumpled mass, not moving, and staring blankly towards me.

I cried out as I took a panicked step toward his lifeless body, but it felt like a quick jolt had hit me and like my stomach was being pulled from my body as my heart was breaking. There was pain, and my mind was telling me something wasn’t right. The pain became excruciating, radiating from my gut, and when I looked from Jessie to my stomach, I could see one of the alien’s arms had buried its fingers into my lower abdomen by several centimeters.

My hands were on its extended arm in a struggled reflex response to free my body. My mind finally kicked in, and I screamed wildly in agony!

I pulled on its arm to try and dislodge it from my gut just as its limb retracted back to its body three meters from where I stood. I hadn’t seen the arm coming at me, but I certainly felt the effect of being impaled by it. With its fingers no longer in my gut, I fell forward as if I were moving towards its retracted arm, no longer holding my body in place or upright any longer.

I crashed to my knees while both my hands were patting, pressing blindly at the gaping hole in my abdomen, trying to stem the flow of blood and feces pouring from the wound. I was losing the battle; I couldn’t stop the loss of blood or my innards from slipping between my fingers onto the floor. The smell was sickening, my stomach roiled, and I puked a mouthful of my stomach's contents onto the floor, which was covered in those other bodily fluids.

Disbelief changed to panic as I began feeling faint, and fear was shutting down my ability to function, to think, to...

My body shuddered calmly; had it just let me know I was done for? Barely ten seconds had passed before I sensed the floor twisting strangely in front of me, but that was actually my body falling, my head banging on the floor, sparking a fraction of a second of clarity that faded quickly as I groaned loudly in pain. Tears were flowing, and...

I was no more than a meter from where Jessie lay motionless. My view of him began to dwindle; the pain I was in was less now for some reason, and I felt numbness as the sound of angry teeth grinding droned on and on.

Darkness was welcoming me, my life fading. I regretted not telling Garrett that I...

Root CGD: Earth Day 1 in captivity - reset
CinT Ark Loc: Holding pen
When I attempted to open my eyes, I had to resort to squinting, covering them with a hand, and finally with my forearm because it was more comfortable. The lighting was so bright it made my eyes hurt, and after an hour of trying to get used to the light, I not only had a headache but was a little surprised to find that I was right back where my journey had begun. It looked like I was back in my original holding pen, and unfortunately that meant I was likely still a specimen in some alien species zoo—not dead as I assumed I would have been after being impaled by that alien’s fingers while trying to escape the Exhibit Housing.

Remembering the escape attempt had me seeing Jessie’s violent death all over again, and the last thing I remember seeing was his lifeless body, almost close enough I could reach out and touch him as I bled out on the stores port floor. I couldn’t help but begin sobbing, and try as I might, I couldn’t get ahead of my emotions, blubbering uncontrollably. Feeling sorry for myself only exacerbated the gloom and the guilt I was feeling for still being alive and having failed Jessie and the others. I buried my face in my pillow because if the wall between the pens was one way transparent at the moment, I didn’t want another specimen watching me try to navigate this low point I was wallowing in.

Eventually I had no more tears to give and decided to sit up. Trying to do that made me feel lightheaded, and I quickly lay back down, tried to raise my legs, but couldn’t lift them off the bed more than a few centimeters. Why I thought I could just hop up and my body would react or function as it had prior to what happened in the stores port was wishful thinking. I was surprised to be here and to be alive still.

Of course there were additional surprises, namely significant differences in my body that immediately caught my attention when I stopped wallowing.

When I’d buried my face in my pillow, I figured out the most obvious change since I’d last been conscious. That change was—my breasts were significantly larger. A quick inspection found those puffy nipples I had were gone, and so were the hand-filling little mounds. My smaller breasts had been replaced by much larger mounds on my chest—breasts that spilled from my hands when I tried to cup them. I searched for scars to determine if this size increase was some type of implant, but the absence of scarring likely meant they were the result of continuing to get pumped with female hormones while being held captive.

Ali had warned me this would eventually happen—I'd fill out—and grow into those puffy nipples. Not what I was hoping for!

I noticed right away that their increased mass also meant increased sensitivity as I held them, moved them, and traced the areola of one of them. I was marveling at how perfect they looked and the sensation something as simple as touching them delivered. It would be a lie to say I wasn’t relieved to finally have nipples more like I’d seen on the women I’d had relations with before being dumped in this place. I wasn’t going to miss that adolescent stage of womanhood and having those odd puffy nipples.

The second body change was discovered when I’d felt my abdomen for the scar that should be prominent due to having been impaled by that alien's finger tips somewhere below my belly-button. When I didn’t find the obvious scar that should be there, I felt lower towards my pelvis and found there was something missing. That discovery had me bolting upright and...

Root CGD: Earth Day 1 in captivity - reset
CinT Ark Loc: Holding pen
I’d woken from passing out only to find I’d fallen out of bed and onto the floor, had a small knot on the side of my forehead, and needed to pee like no one's business. Try as I might, I couldn’t get to my feet and had to crawl to the toilet. I was able to pull myself up with great effort, and given I had a vagina now rather than a penis, I sat to take that first urgent piss. Having to sit felt a little different to me given all the years I’d spent standing, holding myself, and pissing without giving that bodily function much thought.

Thankfully, there was no learning curve to get over. I was happy the flow of urine started as easily as it had when I was equipped with different plumbing down there. As I sat there listening to the stream dribble below me, I got a chuckle out of the idea I could have sat on this thing either way. That giggle had me wondering if I might be concussed because that was a stupid thing to be pondering given I no longer had my male parts!

I ended up spending a long time sitting on the toilet after I’d finished peeing. Not because I needed to go more, but because none of the muscles in my legs wanted to work very well, though I tried plenty of times to stretch and move them as I sat there. I might have spent some of that time trying to figure out how this genitalia swap was even possible, pulling my dress up to get a better look at it and noticing barely any evidence of scarring or skin discoloration.

I wasn’t panicked yet; I knew getting back to my original self was still possible. Of course that would require a DNA sample pre-hormone application. That had me wondering if Cheryl had done that for me, grabbing a DNA sample before medi-jecting me with that first dose. It was something I could worry about another day since I’d need to get out of here first to be able to reclaim my previous life.

Eventually sitting on the toilet seemed pointless, but since I couldn’t stand, I dropped to the floor onto my knees, which hurt like hell, and crawled back to bed. At least when I got onto the bed, which was a bit of a struggle, I could sit without feeling like I’d pass out again. Sitting with my legs out in front of me, I noticed there were tiny marks all over them.

On closer inspection, I also had those same marks on my arms. The marks I figured were, since every muscle in my body ached, from being hooked up to probes meant to regenerate atrophic muscles. That had me wondering how long I’d been out of commission or in some form of stasis. Was I out of it because of the recovery I had to get through due to the new genitalia? Was it because of the damage done from the impalement from the stores port incident—on top of getting new genitalia?

How screwed up was my current existence right at this moment?

Root CGD: Earth Day 1 in captivity - reset
CinT Ark Loc: Holding pen
I knew the drill as the lights began to dim, and I knew our hosts wanted me to eat the food I heard them just deliver to the shelf. The idea of eating cold beige paste wasn’t appealing, and I had to admit I was hungry, but the problem was I couldn’t walk over to the shelf, let alone stand upright, to even begin that task. I figured I might be able to get the bed pushed over to the wall the bowls of food and water were sitting on, but doubted I could reach them even from the bed—unless I could get on my knees and really stretch for them.

I could survive a day without eating given how my ass and thighs seemed way too soft and fleshy, with an obvious gentle sway every time I moved. Yeah, I’d gotten fatter in areas I wasn’t expecting and was feeling a little self-conscious about it.

I’d just rolled over to get more comfortable after making the decision to forego eating when the lights flashed. Experience told me that meant the wall might go transparent, and I got myself to a sitting position facing the wall. That took more effort than I’d expected, and having a significantly weightier chest now made me feel like my breathing was strained after I was sitting. Breathe in, chest moves; breathe out, chest moves. Would I be constantly reminded of the weight of my breasts with every movement I made? Augh! That’s going to be annoying!

A few minutes went by as I waited patiently for the wall to change, and when nothing happened, I figured they were pushing me to get my gruel and eat. Guess they were oblivious to the fact I couldn’t walk and should have kept me hooked up to those muscle stimuli probes a bit longer! No sooner had I laid back down, the lights flashed again. Instead of sitting, I simply rolled over, propped myself up on an elbow, and stared at the wall between the pens.

“Any time now,” I said out loud and to no one in particular. “I know the routine and know what you’re going to do with the wall, so just get on with it! I’m not eating tonight, so just show me who’s on the other side of the wall.

Another five minutes went by, and I was done with this game. I closed my eyes while yawning, and when I opened them, I fully intended on rolling over and going to sleep, but noticed the wall between the holding pens was gone. I was in shock at what I was seeing!

My heart soared as a figure rushed towards me, his face familiar, his locks of red hair longer than I’d remembered, and that smile...

“Cameron!”

I was sobbing before I could fully process that Garrett was holding me and squeezing me so tight I felt like I would burst. He was talking so fast I couldn’t grasp anything he’d said through the tears streaming down my face, the hugs we shared, and eventually a kiss, which was short, but as I looked into his eyes I could see he too had tears in his eyes.

I had an undeniable urge to kiss him again as a memory of peacefulness and calm came over me that reminded me of having done that before, only it wasn’t with Jessie it was with another...

Root CGD: Earth Day 1 in captivity - reset
CinT Ark Loc: Holding pen
“We thought you’d... Well, we didn’t think you’d made it out.”

“I watched them kill Jessie,” I croaked, the lump in my throat threatening to choke me out not only from seeing Garrett but also from telling him about Jessie.

A second later, I broke down yet again, thinking about the brutal death Jessie had endured, how I couldn’t have done anything to save him, and how my last conversation with him had been an angry one. I had plenty of guilt to deal with yet, but having Garrett holding me, reassuring me all would be fine—it really did give me hope. When I finally got my sobs to cease and tongue to engage, I asked him about the others.

He was slow to answer; the concern on his face breaking my heart before he said a single word. Please don’t let Ali...

“Cayline and Ali,” he began, but by his tone, I knew what was to follow wasn’t something I wanted to hear. “Both were pregnant shortly after the escape attempt, and, well, they didn’t make it. I’m so sorry, Cameron.”

Hearing my fear vocalized had me howling in grief again. Each time I thought I had regained my composure, I’d see Ali’s face in my mind, her smile, remembering her fear about having her baby taken from her if she made it through childbirth, her hoping she’d die as a result of being pregnant so that wouldn’t happen—it was too much to bear. All those remembrances threw me right back into the thick of grieving and harder than I’d expected.

How was I going to navigate this enhanced version of myself without her?!

When I calmed down enough for Garrett to continue telling me about the others, I learned Mike had given up after Ali had passed and was removed from the exhibit Housing. He’d been replaced with a guy who refused to play along with the host’s expectations, and he too was removed quickly after being coupled with Ali’s replacement, a woman named Syn. Then replacement, Turpin, was added and coupled with Syn—they played along, but like everyone else wanted out of there.

Jessie and I had been replaced by Beck and Cekoo; together they’d miscarried once and were pregnant again and closing in on their first trimester.

“Wait, how long have I been gone?” I asked, surprised by all the changes he’d told me of thus far.

“At least a CGD year, maybe closer to a year and a half,” he replied.

“Really, are you sure?”

That was a stupid question, but I was shocked I’d been away for so long after having been nearly gutted and then getting a full genitalia swap.

He was smiling at me, “I’m sure Cameron...”

We lay there silently holding each other for a few minutes, and I knew there were two others he hadn’t accounted for from my time in the Exhibit Housing. Was he purposely not mentioning them because one had been my replacement for him?

“Liam?” I asked, but really wanted to know what had happened to Zenia and him.

“He’s still there; he’s... Well, he’s with Zen now. That happened when I got sick a CGD month ago, and they pulled me out of there.”

“What? Are you alright? What happened?” I asked worried and looked up at him, pulling his face towards mine so I could see his face in the muted darkness of the holding pen.

"Yeah, I think it was just a kidney stone, but it was pretty bad. Zenia had me drinking the water like crazy, but I couldn’t move, and the pain, well, I pretty much gave up. The hosts pulled me out of there, and I don’t know what they did to me, but I was back in the Exhibit Housing in five CGD days. By that time Zen had moved in with Liam because I wasn’t expected back, and I met my new partner, Marlene, in here.”

His voice had trailed off, so I knew the rest of that story wasn’t a good one, but I asked if he was okay.

“Yeah, Marlene didn’t deserve any of this. Not that any of us do; I don’t know; sometimes it just really gets to me,” he said softly.

“Do you think their coupling us again was planned?”

“Possibly…”

He’d said that like he was in the know, suspected, or was clued into something I wasn’t.

“Why’d you say ‘possibly’ like that?”

Garrett was slow to answer, “I’ve been watching you for a couple days now... I saw what they’ve done to you. You’re going to be a first for this place, and I think they may have liked the idea of reintroducing you to the Exhibit Housing with someone you’ve been with in the past and are familiar with. Do I think they planned all this? Some of it certainly, and it maybe explains what they were doing with you the first time you were inserted into this place. Then again, maybe we were just lucky, and it was just a matter of timing.”

Garrett knowing about the biggest chance to my body since I was last in the Exhibit Housing made me feel a little embarrassed. It also made me unsure of where I stood with him. Not that I had a place with him, though I was grateful he was here with me now.

“I’m, well… Does any of these changes give you pause, you know about being coupled with me?” I asked sheepishly.

“Should it?”

“A question with a question, that’s not fair,” I complained, nudging him gently.

“Ali told me... She said you might have had feelings for me, and, well, before you went away, I can admit I liked you too.”

“And now, even if I wasn’t born this way?”

“None of that matters to me, Cameron... You know the expectations in the Exhibit Housing. I’m worried about what you think about that now and how none of this was something you’d asked for. If you’ll have me, I’d be happy with that.”

I hugged him a little tighter and hoped he knew the answer to whether I was okay with the idea of us being coupled. My hand found his, and after resting mine on it, he decided we should hold hands. I knew what our hosts expected of us and there would be only one way to navigate being with him at some point given I was more woman now than my first go around in the Exhibit Housing.

The idea of being with him fully wasn’t as repulsive as it had been the first time around. A memory of holding a man’s hand flashed past my subconscious awareness... I looked at our hands, following up his arm to get a look at his face, and the memory was gone, faded to black.

“You good?” he asked.

“I think so…”

I wasn’t sure though and these flashback memories only added to the confusion about all of this second chance I had in the Exhibit House. Could I function as a woman now? Why wasn’t I as angry about that as before? Was it because I was with Garrett? Augh…

Root CGD: Earth Day 2 in captivity - reset
CinT Ark Loc: Holding pen
We’d been allowed to spend last night together and all of the day so far. When food arrived, we went to get the bowls from the two pens shelves together for fear that if we weren’t together, they’d close off the wall between the pens. That mode of operation was a bit of paranoia I’d injected into our current ‘togetherness’. I knew we’d eventually end up ‘coupled’ when we made it back to the Exhibit Housing, but I wasn’t up to being left alone yet and was grateful to Garrett for putting up with what could only be classified as my being overly clingy.

That I really wasn’t feeling myself in the least since coming to this time around and wasn’t helping my mood or confidence. I had a lot of conflicting emotions swirling around in my head, given he’d said a CGD year or more had passed since I was last in the Exhibit Housing. I had zero recollection of anything since the failed stores port escape attempt, and my body had been through major changes; I wasn’t even sure to what extent yet.

If that wasn’t enough to make me doubt my sanity, these ‘flashbacks’ I was having, these feelings of connection, or dare I say feelings of ‘love’ I felt for some man in those memories, was very confusing.

Of course, what wasn’t a surprise was finding I really liked being here with Garrett. He was patient with me while getting me used to standing and learning to take steps again and had even pushed me to work on rising from a seated position to standing on my own. Most times I couldn’t stand longer than a few seconds before needing to sit, but not once was he judgmental of some complaint I made about not being able to walk or stand.

He listened to me, seemed to speak freely on a variety of subjects, either zoo-centric or from his life outside of this place, and he never seemed to be guarded or come of sounding aloof. What I appreciated most was that he kept me laughing, mostly about stupid things, and that really helped keep my mind off of the portions of our existence right now that made me sad, depressed, and emotional. If I never cried again, it couldn’t happen soon enough!

The most comforting part of Garrett being here with me was that it didn’t seem to matter to him that I’d started life as a male. We talked about that a few times. I told him I wasn’t sure I would have the same capacity to look past that if the roles had been reversed.

“You haven’t seen yourself... You’re, well you’re pretty,” he’d told me.

“So all I am is a pretty face?” I complained.

“Yeah, kind of, though with a damn nice set of legs...,” he kidded me with that boyish goofy chuckle of his.

“Oh, I see how it is!” I playfully threw back at him.

Eh, maybe Ali was right? She told me if I didn’t explore this chance I’d been given, I’d be pissing away the opportunity to experience life from a different perspective if I didn’t. Everything about my life has been confusing since arriving here; why not make it even more so by exploring my attraction to Garrett? I did feel like I was attracted to...

“You’ve been awful quiet the past couple minutes; everything okay?”

We’d finished our evening beige paste a while ago and had been lying together in my bed snuggling one another, and he was right, I’d been quiet because I didn’t want us being together to end. I was sure at any moment the lights would flash and he’d be the compliant zoo specimen these aliens wanted and head back to his holding pen. Then the wall between us would reappear, what we’d eaten would knock us out, and somehow we’d end up back in the Exhibit Housing waking to the warning to not move or we’d puke up the gruel we’d eaten to get us drugged for reinsertion.

I didn’t want any of that, but the lighting in our conjoined pens was at about full on nighttime levels, so it had to be coming, them wanting to separate us.

“Sorry… Just wondering why they haven’t tried to split us up before the insertion back into the Exhibit Housing,” I whispered softly as if our hosts could understand us and suddenly realize they should maybe act on that idea.

“That’s a good question; I’ve been wondering that too. I really hadn’t expected they’d let us spend last night together. We’ll likely get the lights flashing any time now. Dinner should have made us sleepy, I would have thought, but I don’t feel anything. How about you, are you sleepy?”

He told me earlier he’d wondered that a few times, and we’d both tried to come up with possible reasons they allowed our sleepover last night. His excuses tended to be more humorous and had me giggling, which was embarrassing until I realized he was saying those things to keep me from being stressed about us eventually being split up eventually. When I teased him about the comedic answers, he said he just liked hearing me laugh, and there was enough serious crap we were dealing with already, so laughing with me made him feel good.

“No, I’m not feeling sleepy,” I whispered, hugging him a little tighter.

“I wouldn’t mind spending the night again,” was his reply while hugging me back.

Garrett had a leg draped over my waist, and I decided in that moment it needed to go if I was, well, if I was going to take advantage of this time alone with him. I’d been thinking about moving this ‘coupling’ idea to being more ‘real’ since last night. Of course, a lot of those thoughts I had about being fully with him had been sparked by random memories I had about being physically with a man in this new configuration of mine.

I had no idea their origin, but I had convinced myself that I wanted to experience them for real and with Garrett.

I slowly pushed his hip away, and his leg freed me to be able to move. Having pushed him got me a question about whether I needed to get up and if I needed to use the toilet. I didn’t reply, instead I wrangled my body so I was straddling his after hiking my dress up a little so I could get my legs spread enough to do that. I placed my hands on his chest, looked down at his questioning face, and bent to lower my face to within millimeters of his.

“Thank you for today and being there for me,” I said, kissing him lightly and pulling away after a few seconds. It was the second time we’d kissed, but this time it felt different.

“I… I didn’t mean to imply... You know like I wanted to...,” he began saying, but I stopped his speech about expecting anything if we spent the night together again by kissing him again.

That kiss began tentatively at first, but his tongue's reaction to mine told me I didn’t need to be shy about what I’d started or wanted. His hands made their way to my hips for a moment, and then were wrapped tightly around me as we continued kissing. That was all the confirmation I needed, and I willingly let myself go as his tongue dance sensually in my mouth.

::: --- :::

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Rachel M. Moore