Root CGD: Day 16 captivity: 1:41 PM
CinT Ark Loc: Exhibit Housing
It had been two days since the brain trust in the Exhibit Housing had decided my fate. They had made that decision without my buy-in, and to make matters worse, their plan was implemented earlier than Garrett had anticipated. We were both blindsided when Zenia burst into our house sobbing and ended up in his arms. That bit of theater made me the odd woman out, and I resigned myself to going to Jessie’s house to get filled in on what the hell had just happened and why earlier than Garrett had expected.
When I couldn’t get a straight answer from Jessie, I gave up and just ended up going to bed even more annoyed and smarting from being replaced.
Garrett told me yesterday how messed up the plan had been when we’d spoke, the first time since having been officially ‘uncoupled’, and told me he was about to fill me in on what was going to happen when Zenia barged in. He assured me the plan was to give me a heads up before we were uncoupled, and I believed him through each of the three apologizes he’d laid on me. The last thing he had mentioned was that Zenia was mortified I hadn’t been told, though she’d not sought me out to talk about the switch as of yet. That made seeing her a little more awkward the couple times I saw here around the small enclosure we were housed in.
Whatever!
The end goal of all that drama was to get me coupled with Jessie and make it possible for us to explore the stores port together. The prevailing belief by those governing this group was we had the right skill sets for this exploratory attempt at escaping. Jessie had technical skills related to small to midsized ships propulsion systems, Particle-Conveyor (PC) operation to transport those in the exhibit onto a ship, and a few other ship-related computer systems skills. I brought to the table the ability to fly ships out of here—if we made it that far or could even find one after making it into the stores port.
Had anyone considered our experience wouldn’t mean shit if this race of alien tech couldn’t be figured out?
The clicking aliens watching their little zoo experiment unfold down here ate all the drama up! They had clicked plenty then, and when I went to Jessie’s house feeling dejected and unwanted that night. I cried a lot that night, and Jessie had done his best to console me—while the clicking chorus rose and fell depending on whether he was holding me or just sitting next to me trying to keep me from tipping over any further. Nothing he told me that first night made the sting of the swap any less painful, but at least he was less creepy than he’d been at the welcome picnic.
Being replaced by Zenia had absolutely bothered me. I was still, two days into this swap, annoyed with how my new ‘coupling’ had come about. I tried hard to reason I needed to be a team player and sideline my disappointment with what had been planned for me. I had to remind myself that getting out of here was more important than any feelings I might have about being coupled with Garrett and that if we got out of here all that wouldn’t matter anyway because I’d immediately seek reversing all these changes. No more coupling and no more Garrett when I got back to my life.
Feelings? Moot…
Not only was it believed Jessie and I had the best skill sets for an exploratory escape attempt, but there was the idea that it had been a while since anyone had swapped partners and it would help throw our hosts off from what we were trying to accomplish. The braintrust was banking on there being a feeling-out period for each of the new couples, a reset of the acclimation period, and our hosts would likely delay acting unfavorably if we weren’t right back to participating in their breeding program—at least those that could. Garrett and I hadn’t made it that far—and couldn’t participate as couples in here were expected—so while I could rationalize the plans moving parts, it didn’t mean I had to like it.
I wanted to be contributing and be included in the leadership group; I just didn’t want to have given up being comfortable with Garrett to get there.
As soon as I was all moved into Jessie’s house, the other couples acted like Garrett and I had never been coupled to begin with. I was going to play my new ‘coupled’ role as expected, which included keeping Jessie at arm’s length to maintain his / our ‘boring’ status for our hosts and whatever spectators were out there. No surprise, I didn’t have to put much effort into that to be convincing because I was still trying to figure out if I liked the guy, even though he was super supportive that first night. So far, avoiding him was the easiest part of this new coupling.
Not twenty minutes ago, it was decided over lunch at Mike and Ali’s house that Jessie and I were a ‘Go!’ tomorrow night with the exploration of the store's port. That meeting had been between the men and me, with none of the other women having been invited or seemingly consulted. I found it interesting that not once during the entire lunch did anyone say anything about the idea of me needing to be coupled with Jessie. All I heard was the collective saying ‘we thought’ and ‘you two’ spoken as the reason for the change and everyone thinking we’d have the best chance of success should we run into a ship while exploring outside the Exhibit Housing.
When the meeting was over, I left quickly and took up a spot on the porch of my new home. I noticed the door to Liam and Cayline’s house opening and Ali walking out onto the porch. She gave a little wave and came over to join me. We hadn’t really talked much in the past two days other than little waves or nods of acknowledgment. I wasn’t sure why, though I suspected she knew this Jessie coupling was coming and that I wouldn’t be happy about it if forewarned.
“How’s it going?” She asked as she approached and then sat with me.
“As well as can be expected, I guess,” I began and then decided to press her for an answer to what felt like she was avoiding me. “Are we good still?”
She looked surprised by the question.
“Yes… I thought you’d be pissed about the new coupling so wanted to give you some time to adjust. I know it’s not what you wanted, and then, well, losing Garrett and all.”
Ah, pillow talk with the leader of our group obviously, and she knew this was coming but chose not to warn me. I still would have liked a heads-up from my closest female friend in this place.
“I was pissed, but at least I’m being included as part of the brain trust now. You should have told me though,” I said with a raised brow. “Not that they probably would have listened to my concerns about this plan to be coupled with Jessie. Guess I should be happy I’ve got a seat at the table, though. I could have used a friend to vent too about this.”
“I’m really sorry, Cameron,” she said, while shrugging apologetically.
“You hear we’re going to try getting out of here tomorrow night?”
“Yeah, Mike told me. How’s it going with Jessie?”
I gave her a look that said I wasn’t in the mood for a deep ‘coupling’ conversation before answering her with, “We’ve established boundaries, and he’s held to them for the most part.”
“That’s good to hear. You learn anything interesting about him? I mean, I assume you two have talked.”
“We have, and no, not really... He’s twenty-four, originally from Rilon, had an unremarkable childhood, and worked at a propulsion lab the past couple years—all stuff you’d told me. He certainly hates it here and what’s expected of him; he’s made that perfectly clear. He’s got the typical complaints we all have, so nothing ‘new’ per say,” I replied.
“Is the age difference an issue?”
“What issue? Not like I’m that much older than him; come on,” I jested and bumped shoulders with her.
“No, four years isn’t much, but that’s not what I meant, though. Do you think he will follow your lead once through the stores port?”
I had to think about that for a few seconds.
“Likely, but before we try, I’m going to lay it out for him and the other guys that if he doesn't, he’s on his own. I’ll get out of here if I can and figure out getting the rest of you out of here or come back with reinforcements at the very least.”
“Seems reasonable,” she said, patting my leg. “We all appreciate the risk you’re taking; I hope you know that.”
“I do; I want to get out of here as much as everyone else does. I just hope we can deliver. No pressure though,” I said with a chuckle.
“Only do what you think you can do safely, alright? No one expects anything more than an exploratory search and for you both to return unscathed. If you get an opportunity to escape, do it; just don’t forget us little people.”
“I couldn’t ever do that, I promise. If we can find a way to get out of here, everyone is coming with us,” I said, looking at her to emphasize the point and then laying my head on her shoulder for a second.
“If we get out of here, any chance you and Garrett pick back up where you left off?” She asked with a wicked grin.
“Ali!” I groaned, looking at her, shaking my head. “When we get out of here, I’m getting all this reversed. It’s been an interesting ride, but this isn’t me.”
She stared at me for a few seconds before saying, “But you like him though; you can’t deny that.”
What I felt for Garrett was confusing, and I did feel something certainly, but it would be hard to categorize exactly what that was. I figured whatever they were giving the ‘women’ in here had garbled and most definitely compromised my emotional state since I’d never been attracted to, let alone been interested in, men before. Was what I felt a physical attraction only? Was knowing him for a couple weeks enough time to even have connected feelings for someone? He put up with our coupling, tried to help me adjust, and I was sure he was happy to be back to having a partner that was less problematic than me. AUGH!
“Come on, I like everyone here. Mike, you, Liam, and I’m not attracted to Garrett,” I shared finally, wanting her to believe that, though it sounded like a lie even to me.
“Garrett told me he was worried about you, and I really think there was more to it, but Mike walked in on us talking, and he changed the subject quickly.”
“He’s a big boy and part of the leadership group, so he’s going to be concerned about all of us lowly women. I feel like when he told me about the other women who’d been pulled out of here, not by choice or those that passed during childbirth, it really did a number on him because he couldn’t save them. I think he likes everyone, and you’re reading way too much into it.”
“If you say so, but Zenia said he called out your name last night while he was sleeping.”
Root CGD: Day 17 captivity: 1:18 AM
CinT Ark Loc: Exhibit Housing
We were standing on the side of our house when the stores port opened. Jessie had said they were late, which could have been because we were out here or because we were being watched closer since we were newly coupled. We had been acting like we were enjoying each other’s company, so maybe that was what was throwing our hosts off and the reason for them being late to opening the port?
I watched over his shoulder as the crate we’d set with our garbage was pulled in, and longer than expected, it was replaced with a crate of food items.
“You see the blinking sensor near the bottom?” Jessie whispered in my ear while his hands held my hips, his back to the port. “We’ll need to keep out of the beams or the door will slam shut.”
“How are the crates making it through?” I asked, annoyed that we were this close to one another and that I had to allow this.
Surprisingly, or not, there were barely any clicking noises coming from above us while we were out here like this. Was it late for visitors to the exhibit? Could they sense the strain between him and me and tell nothing was going to happen? Of course, that there was any clicking at all was annoying to me, and on top of that, having Jessie’s lips next to my ear wasn’t helping my attitude in the least.
“Reflective circuitry, likely a magnetic ion gaseous beam... We’ve magnetized metals and hidden them in the trash. The disruption causes the beams to be less intense on the sensors, and for some reason, instead of that causing a failsafe and immediate closing of the port it does the opposite, like gumming up the mechanism circuitry. Garrett and I aren’t exactly sure why. Magnets will allow us more time to get through the port though, so that’s why we've been doing it in preparation for tomorrow night. I mean tonight?”
“Yeah, whatever… I don’t see much in that room. You ever see any of our hosts milling around in there?”
“No, we’ve never seen any activity in there. See the red light in the corner, head high. I think that’s a door just to the left.”
That was debatable, but if we could make it in there tonight, we could figure it out—if there weren’t any of our hosts present or they weren’t monitoring that room remotely or the crowd looking down on this place didn’t sound an alarm once we made our move. I hoped once in there we could find a way for us to get back in here if things went wrong. Why hadn’t that been more of a concern to anyone? What do we do if we can’t get back in?
“If they're scanning for organics, we’ll get detected,” I stated absently, trying not to look into his eyes but failing because he was now blocking my view of the ports opening. I leaned left to see around him to solve having our noses millimeters from one another.
“We send organics out of here in the form of waste, so likely not a problem. We’ve been putting additional waste in with the garbage; the hope is they’ve adjusted their sensors.”
“’Additional’ waste?” I asked as the stores port closed quickly and without any warning.
The port had remained open for approximately twenty-six seconds before it closed according to my unscientific measurement of ‘One Orion’s Belt, Two Orion’s Belt, Three...’ count.
“Human waste, shit,” he said, moving his face directly in front of mine again.
“Alright, I get it, but we’re a bit more than a few hunks of ‘waste’. Look, the port is closed; let’s head inside and talk out what we think our plan should be.”
He continued to stare at me, not moving, and I almost thought he hadn’t heard me until his face was actually moving closer and he brought his lips to mine before I realized what he was doing or could turn away. I felt his tongue brush my lips and...
I couldn’t move fast enough to get away from him after he’d connected for that brief second, and I might have pushed at his chest while hissing menacingly.
“What the fuck, Jessie!”
He was slow to answer, but began saying something about it being an accident and started rambling about it being hard for him in here and...
“I don’t care,” I interrupted him. “I’m not a woman; I didn’t choose this; what part of my having told you and everyone else that is confusing to you?”
“I know, I do, I... Well, you and Garrett, though, and I thought... I thought maybe you were more Transgendered in your Whatever,” he gave up, sounding exasperated at needing to explain his having just kissed me on the lips since being coupled for two days.
“Me and Garrett? There’s no me and him anything!” I growled.
“We all saw you together; I just thought maybe you were... You know, whatever…”
“Whatever? Whatever what? What the hell are you talking about, Jessie? Together, whatever, Trans... Do you think I’m gay or something?” I asked, unable to contain my annoyance at not having gotten a straight answer out of him.
“Yes,” he replied quietly.
He looked like he was on the verge of crying, and it made me wonder if all that stuff Ali had told me about him being given too much ‘arousal’ juice was actually something entirely different. Maybe he was getting female hormones instead of the stuff meant for the guys!
Whoa… Wait, wait, wait, is he gay? Is that why he hasn’t fared well in here?!
“Look, I’m sorry,” I whispered.
That got me a slight shake of his head and a meaningless shrug.
“You’ve had problems assimilating this zoo crap because you’re gay, right?” I asked softly, maybe even with a little caring and understanding in my tone. If I was right, this existence had to be as difficult for him to navigate as it was for me in this transitional state.
His answer hadn’t come immediately and wasn’t even spoken. Instead there was a slight nod of ‘Yes’ and he walked away from me to head inside without saying anything else.
Root CGD: Day 17 captivity, 2:01 AM
CinT Ark Loc: Exhibit Housing
I’d been lying in our bed for easily thirty minutes, waiting for Jessie to finish in the bathroom. He was taking a shower, and I had considered getting up to check on him, but heard the water shutting off and figured he wouldn’t be much longer. Three minutes later, he entered our darkened bedroom, crawled into bed, and rolled away from me without saying anything.
“You alright?”
“I’m sorry about earlier, Cameron.”
“Don’t worry about it. I mean, I was just a little surprised, that’s all,” I replied and added quickly, “By the kiss, not the ‘gay’ thing or you thinking I might be attracted to men. Hell, anymore, I don’t know what I feel about what’s happened to me if I’m being honest.”
“Zenia knows… I don’t think she’s said anything to anyone; I’d appreciate it if you could keep that between us, please.”
“I won’t say anything. Ali and I have talked about all kinds of things, and that has never come up about you. I doubt it’s suspected or whatever. I think Zenia has kept your secret, and so will I. You realize no one will care though?”
“I know, but you know that’s not how many of the alien species we’ve all come into contact with out there operate. If these,” he rolled onto his back so he could see me before finishing his thought, “Hosts are like that, binary; I’m as good as dead.”
Most of the alien species I’d come into contact with didn’t give a damn about humans and thought we were inferior beings regardless of our sexual leanings. If you made it past the initial contact with them and they hadn’t tried to kill you, not many were interested in killing you if they found out you were gay. The idea it mattered was more a humankind issue anymore and was archaic as fuck. Yet as a race of beings, we’d gone centuries without that mattering—until it was allowed to creep back in on some of the planets we inhabited the past couple hundred years.
Annoying really, but I got why he had concerns but doubted it had anything to do with our hosts.
“I’m still here, and if they had a problem with it, I doubt I’d have made it to the Exhibit Housing,” I said softly. “I don’t get the other guys are too worried about me.”
“You are a concern, Cameron, to all the guys, but only in the sense our hosts pull people out of here for not participating in their program. So, whoever is coupled with you, I can promise, is feeling the pressure and is worried they’ll go before you do.”
I knew that to be true; Garrett had told me about being worried about being pulled out of here. Was Jessie really worried about me being coupled with him or just worried about us trying to get out of here later tonight?
“Did you have someone in your life before this place?” I asked.
“Aaric… I met him while at school, and we,” he couldn’t finish his sentence before he began to sob silently.
I’m not sure why, but I pulled him to me and held him while trying to reassure him he’d figure it out after we got out of here. While holding him, I’d buried my face in his neck and squeezed him tight. I felt him returning the embrace, and when he completely let loose, freely sobbing and straining to breathe, I knew it was because he couldn’t contain his heartbreak and pain any longer.
I kissed his neck and whispered in his ear, “It’s alright... Let it go; try and relax; we’ll figure this out.”
I could feel him struggling to regain his composure, but his heart was not going to allow it as another wave of despair rolled over him. He tried to roll away, but I held him steady.
“Jessie… Please, just talk to me.”
He gave up trying to break free after a moment and, with great effort, huffed a few deep breaths slowly to try and regain his composure.
“I’m… Sorry,” he whispered a few seconds later through a choked sob.
I loosened my hold on him and took up a position at his side again so that I could better look down on him lying on his back next to me. For a brief moment I felt like I’d done this before; had been lying next to someone trying to console them while lying next to them and looking down at the person. I couldn’t place the exact memory or face of the person, but I absolutely was doing that in my current female form during that encounter.
Jessie opened his eyes to search mine, maybe for understanding or acceptance, and it caused me to refocus on his face, but not before seeing in that flash of remembrance I’d had a hand reach up and gently tuck hair behind my ear and caress my cheek.
I couldn’t help but shudder and try to focus on the present.
“I get it,” I said within millimeters of his face as I wiped a last tear from his cheek with a finger.
He took my hand afterwards. I thought he’d done that just to hold it, but he kissed it, saying softly afterwards, “Thank you.”
I felt his eyes piercing mine and his face rising slowly off the pillow until his lips met mine, and in that moment I...
Root CGD: Day 17 Captivity: 10:10 AM
CinT Ark Loc: Exhibit Housing
When I woke this morning, I wanted to be anywhere but where I found myself—in the same bed as Jessie. I felt more confused about who I was given all I’d done with him earlier, and those realizations made me feel incredibly uncomfortable in my own damn skin. I’d need to deal with him at some point I knew, but I needed to process what I’d not only allowed to happen between us but had been a willing participant in those acts.
What the hell had I been thinking?! I obviously wasn’t and the insanity of the decisions I’d made was laying a heavy layer of gloom over my mood at the moment. And there was that unexplainable memory of having done some of those things with another man—which was impossible to fathom since I knew none of that had ever happened. Those glimpses of fragmented remembrances had made the thing Jessie and I had done way to comfortable, normal, and acceptable in the moments we shared.
I could reason it began with his innocently kissing me after I’d been comforting him about his admission of being gay. Truthfully – that’s where it should have stopped, but it didn’t, though I had all the power to shut it down after that kiss. Yet, I’d kissed him back, which felt oddly natural and had encouraged things between us to progress. I let myself get swept up in desires that felt grounded in memories I didn’t know I even possessed. How was that even possible to be influence that way?!
I wasn’t sure how much time we spent exploring one another’s bodies earlier this morning, but I would bet it was at least an hour. When I woke, I found our bodies were entwined, and that began my panic to get away from him. I could feel the heavy wet blanket of guilt weighing on me for all those things we’d done together. Even thinking about it got my heart beating quickly, while all I’d been done was beating myself up about it and wishing I could rewind it all or take it all back.
I’d wasted no time sneaking out of bed as best I could, completely naked, to get myself into the shower and dressed for the day. I then spent the next hour trying to avoid speaking to or making eye contact with Jessie after he finally got out of bed. I’d been sitting on the porch and hoped he wouldn’t join me or want to discuss what happened last night, but that didn’t happen. I was sure the awkwardness I was already feeling was about to be compounded when I heard the front door open behind me.
“Water?” he asked after sitting next to me, glass extended toward me.
“No, thank you,” I replied, not able to look at him.
I felt his hand on mine as he began to speak, “I hope I, you know, didn’t cross a line. I never meant to, nor would I ever want to make you feel uncomfortable, Cameron.”
His voice was soft, soothing almost, and I could sense the truth in what he’d just said to me. He was leading this probe into my headspace with an assurance that my feelings mattered. I appreciated that more than he might know in this moment. It was early though, and I hoped to not pick up any hints of judgment or accusation or his speaking the obvious ‘label’ that could be applied to our exploits with each other. I would argue being told I was ‘gay’ if it came to that.
I’d been up for a couple hours and still hadn’t really come to an understanding of my desire to participate in what I remembered was a fairly intense exploration of each other’s body’s. What the hell had come over me?! Where had those memories come from and who was that man in them?!
“Look, you don’t have to say anything,” he said, squeezing my hand.
I could feel his stare but couldn’t look at him as a few choruses of ‘clickety-click’ noises rose from the artificial sky above us—just as they had last night when we were exploring one another’s bodies. Fuck! Had we screwed up our chance to get out of here tonight by now being something for these aliens to focus on, to watch, to ogle? What do I even say to him? What do I want to...
“Hey, how about we just agree I beat your last nerve into submission last night,” he said. I turned my head to face him; he was smiling and said softly, “Good morning.”
I turned away to look back across at Ali and Mike’s front door.
“I’m really sorry, Jessie...”
“I’m not,” he answered quickly. “That was the first time since I’ve gotten here I felt like myself, normal even. Do you have any idea how…,” he stopped speaking as I retrieved my hand and buried my face in both while shaking my head slightly. “Oh fuck, I’m sorry, Cameron. That was insensitive as shit,” he said, placing his hand on my shoulder.
“It’s alright, don’t worry about it,” I replied. “I just hope we didn’t screw up our chances for tonight.”
“I… I hadn’t even thought about that. Were they making that much noise? I didn’t even notice. I mean, you become kind of numb to it and... Do you think we should tell Mike?”
I sat up slowly, focusing on the hem of my coverall dress, my knees together, and said while looking at Ali’s door, “No. We’re going to look as uninterested in each other as we can until we play our part tonight on the side of the house. There’s a chance it wasn’t as much a show for them as we think, so that’s what we’re going to do, understand?”
I distinctly remember hearing the chorus of clicking going on earlier, but somewhere during our exploring of each other I tuned it all out.
“Sure,” he agreed after a few seconds of thought.
I slowly turned to look at him; his smile was gone, and so was that excitement about feeling normal for the first time since being brought to this zoo. I’d crushed that spark in his eyes with my comment about possible consequences from our actions together and sounding as though I regretted all that we’d done.
“You should probably go,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry, Jessie.”
“Yeah, I get it. Stick to the plan,” he said, sounding dejected, rose, and headed back into the house.
Root CGD: Day 17 captivity, 12:47 PM
CinT Ark Loc: Exhibit Housing
During our lunch meeting the eight of us went over the plan for later tonight. It wasn’t lost on me that the men were just now including the other women in this gathering because without their buy-in this plan was going nowhere. Everyone needed to be fully aware of the plan and involved, or Jessie and my chances would be slim to nonexistent getting through the stores port.
It was reiterated that just before midnight, Jessie and I would be posted outside our house as we’d been doing the past couple nights. Our task was to not look interesting doing the ‘coupled’ things we’d been doing while waiting to observe the stores port opening and closing routine. While we stood ready to escape, the other three couples would be putting on a show to keep our hosts and whoever else was watching us full attention.
“Seriously, we need their focus on the six of us to give Jessie and Cameron the best chance of getting through with little to no detection. You all know what that means,” Mike had said, looking at everyone individually except Jessie and me.
“Might mean we’re all a bit more vocal and creative tonight,” Liam had said seriously and with a straight face to the group.
Interestingly or not, no one was smiling or found any of the comments made thus far to be humorous by the de facto leaders of this group. Of course the only thoughts rolling through my mind involved Garrett being with Zenia doing ‘coupling’ things for as long as the wait to get into the stores port might require. The change in my demeanor after hearing what Liam said caught Mike’s attention, possibly others also, and he was quick to call me out on it.
“You look concerned, Cameron,” Mike stated.
I did my best to recover quickly at being put on the spot and had replied, “Yeah, I... I’m just a little concerned that the normal stores port opening had been midnight for how long, months, right? That it’s been delayed to after 1 AM with Jessie and I out there, well, it’s a little concerning.”
That comeback to his inquiry bled into a number of quick conversations and assurances by everyone that they’d do their best to keep the distractions going for as long as needed. Augh! I really didn’t need to hear that!
I was sure no one here was uptight about what needed to be done, but the bottom line was everyone would be having sex and needed to do that on a monumental scale to keep our host’s distracted while Jessie and I were making a break for it. I wasn’t happy about the distraction aspect of this plan to escape, and it took great effort to show it wasn’t bothering me after Mike had picked up on my demeanor a few moments ago.
“Alright then… Speak to whichever deity levitates your consciousness and ask them for a break tonight. We’ll need it and a hefty dose of luck. We’re on at 11:45 tonight with a staggered start of every five minutes. Ali and I will start, followed by Liam and Cayline, then Garrett and Zenia. Any questions?” Mike asked, and when no one said anything, he finished up the meeting by dismissing us.
I wasted no time turning for the door of his and Ali’s house as people began having conversations amongst themselves. I’d just walked through the door when I felt a hand on my shoulder but didn’t stop walking or turn to see who it was.
“Cameron… Wait, what’s the rush?” Ali asked when I hadn’t stopped.
“Not now, Ali...”
“Ah, yeah, you know that’s not goanna flying with me. What’s wrong?” she asked, not giving up the quick-walk chase she was in to keep up with me.
“Nothing,” I replied and entered my house, heading for the bathroom, entering it, closing the door behind me, and sitting on the floor with my back to it. I’d have locked it had there been such a thing on one of the only two doors in this house!
A light tap on the door was followed by a slight push on it, but the push stopped when it was obvious I was holding it shut.
“Not leaving until you talk to me, so might as well let me in or come on out,” she said quietly.
I waited a full minute before rising, opening the door, and speaking to her like a bratty child, “What?”
A raised brow and extended hand were her initial replies. When I didn’t immediately take her hand, she said, “Let’s go Missy, out with it.”
I just stared at her, unmoving.
“Fine,” she said, entering the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. “What’s eating you, Jessie? You worried about tonight? Garrett?”
I sank back to the floor after she hopped up on the sink to sit. She’d said Garrett’s name differently, softer, less accusatory, or judgingly. She already knew my problem with tonight was Garrett, though I didn’t really understand it fully myself or why it bothered me as much as it did. Fuck! What is wrong with me?!
“All of those things,” I finally whispered.
“Okay, let’s start in order. Jessie… What’s his problem?”
I needed to talk to someone, but I was afraid I couldn’t get the help I wanted without sharing more than I wanted or felt comfortable sharing.
“What, he forced himself on you? He kissed you? You saw him naked? Geesh, come on, Cameron, what’s up with you two?”
“Yes…”
“Alright, he forced himself on you?” she asked a bit shocked.
“No, we… Well, he kissed me, and there was...," I stopped speaking because her eyes got wider, and I thought she was going to say something, but she nodded quickly for me to continue. “It shouldn’t have happened... We just… Like, kind of explored... I’m not even sure why.”
“I told you we think they’re giving everyone in here something to keep the arousal factor high, right?”
“I know, but I’m not... I’m not a woman, and,” I didn’t know what else to say. She’d heard nearly everything I thought about what was happening to me a few times already and how it made me feel. In truth I had nothing new to add to my list of complaints on the matter.
“How’d any of last night make you feel with him?” she asked.
“Ali! I’m not a…”
She interrupted me with some force, “Fuck, Cameron! I know, do you think I wasn’t listening just now or the twenty times you’ve said that before? Just answer my question.”
I hadn’t stopped to analyze my feelings about last night in the way I thought she was asking. How did it make me feel? Amazing, different than I’d ever felt while being intimate with someone, exciting, euphoric, fucking high... And those memories I’d had certainly spurred on my enthusiasm and want. Why? How could they have when I hadn’t lived or dreamt any of that stuff ever!?
“I hear grinding noises coming from between those ears,” she said, smiling.
“Alright,” I paused, feeling like I’d been put on the spot. “I felt different, connected to something bigger within me that I can’t even begin to describe. It was warming, silky, and I... It came on slowly, and I felt removed, peaceful but sparked with an excited unstable energy to my core that could... I don’t know, Ali! I can’t explain it any better than that or why exactly I felt those things.”
“Whoa… And wow,” she replied softly, staring at me but smiling as though she was impressed.
“That’s it?” I complained.
“No, but… Wait, how? No, no, I mean, did he, you know, like finish?” she asked sheepishly.
“Ali!”
“No! I’m not asking ‘that’ specifically... Okay, I am, but there are only limited ways that could happen, and I’m trying to understand how your orgasms fit in here.”
“Orgasms,” I whispered, confused and probably sounding like I was asking her a question.
“That or a big ass-climax, girl,” she said, smiling.
::: --- :::
Don't be afraid to click the "Kudos" (Thumbs Up) icon for this story if it's done anything for you. If you comment, I will reply, so let’s chat or not or whatever floats your noodle.
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I'm still growing as a storyteller; I'm far from perfect, so any help is much appreciated and valued. Thanks for reading...
Rachel M. Moore
