A Needed Change - Part Six

Ten minutes after sitting at my desk, an email alert came in, but I was looking at other stuff and day dreaming about the invite from Luke for a date. Ok, it was just an invite for a coffee or a drink, but in my mind it was a romantic date. Anyway, I heard Steph squeal with delight at something, and looked at her. She was extremely excited about something and told me to check my emails.

There were quite a few in there as there always is each morning, but the most recent one was titled ‘Fancy dress’, which is what clearly got her excited. Halloween is a couple of weeks away, and the office was inviting us to come in dressed up. It seemed a bit weird to me, after all, the 31st was on a Thursday this year, but it did go on to say they would be encouraging us to donate a little to charity and the Friday would be a dress down day.

Steph always gets excited about halloween, I think in her heart she’s American in that way, but looking at her now I could see a lot going through her mind, and I have to admit, I was thinking some of those things as well. I had two costumes at home, both fitted me quite well, but do I do it or not?

I mean, one of them is well, suggestive in some ways and could I really wear it to work and go all out or not? Anyway, I tried to ignore it, having much more interesting things on my mind and knowing that she wanted to talk to me about it, I kept changing the subject. She was getting a bit annoyed about that, but I told her we will go out for a coffee for lunch.

Off course, she could barely wait to talk about it, and told me that no matter what I wore to work, I would have to wear the other costume to her halloween party on the Saturday.

I said, “You know, I’m not sure about doing it that way. It’s a big step and lets face it will out myself, and I don’t think I’m ready.”

The truth is, I was more worried about Luke seeing me and hating me for leading him on, but I sent a email to my therapist to ask if we could meet a bit earlier and she said she could fit me in for an online consult that evening.

When discussing it with her, she never once offered an opinion, always doing that annoying thing of asking another question. I barely know why I’m teasing it out for you, we all know what I did, but it came down to this one question from her at the end of the session, “Is there a reason why you wouldn't want to do it?”

And the truth is, there were no reasons not to do it, not even thinking about Luke and him feeling misled. I wanted to do it and had picked which outfit I would wear to work and how to do my makeup for the day. I looked at her and said, “You already know my answer don’t you.”

She gave a small smile and told me to enjoy myself, and I sent a text to Steph telling her I would decide if I will do it on the day and not before. I didn’t do that to wind her up, it was more that I knew she would try and help me with my look, but I needed to do that for myself, giving me a chance to learn more about makeup. It did mean I would have to go shoe shopping by myself, but I could live with, a girl can never have enough shoes!

Steph of course the next day tried to talk me into coming in to work in fancy dress, but I told her I need to do this in my own time, and she did back off, dropping hints here and there when we were out the following evening. My therapist had been great in the whole process and although she hadn’t told me what the diagnosis was for me yet, I think she knew and I think I did as well and it was making me more and more distracted from Steph, and I was worried I was being a bit distant from her, but on Wednesday at lunch, I opened up a bit to her, apologising for not being my usual self.

Her response was to hug me, tell me it’s ok and that she’s here for me.

Thank god she had tissues in her bag, and I really wish I had some make up with me to try and hide the damage. Which was made even worse when back at work and I was standing at a urinal and Luke came in, standing with the obligatory empty one between us. He glanced at me as I nodded a hello, and he must have seen something and he asked me if I was ok.

I very much wasn’t now! All I could think is my eyes are puffy, I’m dressed in drab and we’re both holding our own penis’s and the world should just open up and swallow me now. Please, this is the worst time for him to ask that question, but I brushed it off saying it was just late hay fever or an allergy.

After work I went shopping for shoes, not just to cheer myself up, not just for the costume, but also because tomorrow I had a hospital appointment after work and it felt like everything was all coming to head for me. Very soon I would be if not out at work, everyone would know a lot more about me, even if they are being correct in adding two plus two. And now the doctor is going to tell what they recommend for me, almost as if my options are slightly disappearing.

But picking out the perfect strappy shoes for the costume with a not too pointy a heel for a day at work, I think I was ready.

One thing that was funny is that Luke sent me a DM while I was on my way to the shops, complimenting me on the yellow dress I was wearing.

OK, how does he know I’m wearing this? It stopped me dead as I read the message then saw three dots as he typed and the next message said ‘look to your left’.

And there he was, sitting in the window of Starbucks, so I stopped and waved at him, doing a little pose for him, watching him type on his phone and three dots appeared as he asked if I wanted to join him.

I was tempted, but it was also hard to forget the last time I was so close to him, so I said I would have loved to, but I need to go and buy some shoes to go with my fancy dress outfit for halloween.

Dammit! Why did I say that?

I watched him read the message, look at me and raise his coffee cup in salute and he messaged me that he hopes I post a photo of the outfit on the day. I promised him I would and then wondered to myself what he will say if he sees me at work. But let’s face it, he will hear about it anyway, the weird friend of Steph has come in dressed as a girl.

But I did find myself taking a photo of the shoes and sending them to him, saying ‘here’s a preview.’ I wasn’t wearing them in the photo and I hope he hasn’t got a foot fetish, or that I awakened something in him.

The next day at work I didn’t see him, and Steph was amazing with me, keeping me laughing all day as I tried not to think about what the afternoon has in store for me. I rushed home to get changed before I went to the hospital, I just didn’t want to be Beck while getting whatever news was in store for me, and just wore skinny jeans and a jumper.

I seemed to be sitting there forever while I waited, but I think it’s just my nerves. The consultant was gentle with me while they gave their recommendations for my future. I was a bit surprised to find out they had been speaking in depth with my therapist about the options, and they laid it all out for me. There were three choices in total, and my therapist would make the final recommendation on one of them, the other two I could pick right now. I needed to think about it (yes, we all know where this is going, but please remember the joy is in the telling).

Once home I changed into a pair of shorts and tee shirt and as soon as I plopped down on the sofa the buzzer went and smile crossed my face, I knew it was Steph, who else could it be? I just hit the button to let in her in, opened up some wine and poured two glasses, handing one to her the moment she walked in.

And I told her everything.

The next day being a Friday it was my date night, so I rushed home to get ready. I wanted to feel like a woman tonight and as soon as Rich arrived he told me that he was under orders from Steph to look after me and make sure he gets home by 6am tomorrow.

We made love forever it seemed, I needed it so much and jumped on him. I needed some validation from someone, and his erection never seemed to fail. After what seemed like he was inside me one way or another for many hours, we seemed to slow down and just lay there, holding each other as we kissed gently.

We hadn’t eaten at this point, although I felt quite full thanks to Rich, we did need to eat something, so he ordered some food and we just chatted while we waited. I never heard the buzzer for the main door, it seems someone let the delivery guy in and they knocked on the door.

And we were both quite naked, shimmering with sweat. I had glued back my tuck, it was very much my preferred method now, so Rich slapped me on the bum and said, “Go get my food, woman.”

I raised my eyebrow at him, asking, “Is that my instruction, sir?”

He told me, “Damn straight it is.”

So I stood up, gave his semi erect dick a gentle kiss and walked out, completely naked, heading towards the door. I heard him sit up, and follow me to the door, looking around the corner not quite believing what I was doing but I was feeling confident again. Everything we had done together had made me feel womanly and now I wanted to share it with the world. I opened the door and looked at the delivery man, maybe a university student and not much younger than me to be honest.

But I knew I looked good, how else could Rich have been so hard for so long, filling me with so much of his cum all evening? I hid nothing from the delivery man, and I didn’t care as he looked at me, saying nothing. I held out my hand and he passed me the bag of food, still looking at me.

“Sorry,” I said, “I don’t have anything to tip you with, is that ok?”

He nodded and I turned before shutting the door, letting him have a look at my bum, then used my foot to close the door behind me as the giggles finally burst out of me, running back towards Rich as we sat at the breakfast bar to eat.

Halfway through the food, Rich said, “You know when you turned around he could see quite a bit of cum between your legs.”

I picked up a piece of chicken, dipped it in some sauce and said, “Nowhere near enough if you ask me, so eat up, I need a lot more from you tonight!”

I didn’t really want to eat, but I knew he needed to and as soon as he was finished I slid off the stool, moving closer to him and started kissing his neck, running my finger tips over his arm and moving my lips closer to his face until our lips touched. When this first started for me, revisiting what I now knew was part of my youth, I never once imagined that almost a year later I would be here right now, naked in my kitchen/living room, leading a naked man by his dick. It was dark out by now, and there was something I wanted to do, something that my ex never wanted to try, but now I wanted to be the one in her place.

I turned off the lights, opened the door to the balcony and stepped outside. The air had a chill to it, but I could see no one, and didn’t care if they could see me as I felt Rich step up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. He was ready once again, and I reached back, guiding him into me as we stood there, his arms around my waist as I braced myself against the hand rail, pushing back, as he slowly slid in and out of me, kissing my neck, making me feel warm inside and out, caressing my boobs, and I felt him get harder and swell in me. I thrust back onto him, wanting to feel every millimetre of him as he bred me again.

I felt like a woman.

I never got dressed again that evening, but I did send him home early, even walking with him to the lifts, waiting there to kiss him good night before he went back to Steph. I heard the lift get closer, and pulled him to me. I think I was hoping I would be seen by someone, but it was empty, and once the doors closed on him, I suddenly felt exposed and stupid, running back to the safety of my flat, collapsing on my bed in a fit of giggles and felling very satisfied as I rolled over to go to sleep, smelling him still in my room, on my body and everywhere.

The next day I didn’t have a lot to do as Steph was away with Rich at a wedding, but she did send me a text calling me a exhibitionist, and apart from sending back an embarrassed emoji, I just admitted it was a fantasy come true at last. Other than a bit of shopping, I was left alone with my thoughts which was a good thing. I had some choices to make and a discussion with my therapist on Thursday about it.

The rest of the working week was a working week, with Steph dropping lots of hints about fancy dress at work, and even though I knew I would do it, I still wasn't sure of the two costumes I had at home. Maybe I should see if I can order something else online to arrive by then and just hope it fits well enough and not cheap enough to look stupid. In the end I did order something as a ‘just in case’ option, a French maid outfit which is probably a bit cliched, but had decent enough reviews and I could wear my nice lingerie with the stockings and suspenders.

Anyway, Thursday arrived and I slipped out of work early to see the therapist. I was really nervous about this one, I’d learnt a lot about myself over the last year, even more over the last six months of these sessions, and today it started with a question about what the endocrinologist has told me. I’m sure she knew, but she wanted to hear it from me first, so she got an edited highlights, ending with another question from her. “So which option will you take?”

I took a deep breath.

“Well, option one is definitely a no, I don’t want to have testosterone and look like a man. Option two is no different to how I am today, and of course option three has some appeal, but am I ready for that?”

She looked me over and said, “Today I see a very stylish woman sitting in front of me, one who just said they don’t want to look like a man, so it’s easy to ignore the first one. Myself, your GP or the specialist knew you didn’t want that, but it had to be on the table. The question is, how do you see yourself?”

I sat there thinking, wondering that very question. Am I a woman? I feel more like a woman than anything else, but I could be gender fluid, there’s enough research I have done that could indicate that.

I said, “Am I gender fluid?”

As always, I get a question in reply. “How often do you present as a male?”

I wanted to reply, I really did, but she knew the answer already as well as I did. I looked at her said, “How soon can I start with option three?”

Walking back to my car with a prescription and a whole new list of things to do but not quite sure when I would do them. I was told not to rush it, let things happen when I’m ready to let them happen.

I wanted to tell Steph, but decided to wait until Saturday when I took Rich home. He was staying over again and I love those times, waking up with his arm around me, kissing him first thing and having breakfast together. Of course, the shower is always fun, but when aren’t they fun when you’re not alone?

Dropping Rich off, he needed to go get ready to play football, and I sat down with Steph. I said, “I have something to tell you.” She looked at me. “Soon, I’m not quite sure exactly when, but Becca will be me all the time. I just need to work everything out and then that’s it, maybe in the new year.”

She sat there saying nothing, making me wonder if I have just upset her when she finally said, “Thank god for that, I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant!”

It took a second for me to understand what she said, but when I started to smile, she lent across and wrapped me in her arms, holding me and whispered in my ear, “I know, I’ve always known.”

And then she jumped backwards, grabbing my hands and said, “Oh my god, you need a girls night out tonight. I’ll call the girls and we will go shopping right now!”

I then got to witness a whirlwind of activity as she rushed about getting ready for shopping and out we went out, buying myself a brand new outfit, something to show off my femininity, and hanging out with two of her friends who just accepted me at a moments notice. When they turned up at Steph’s in a taxi I was worried about what I should tell them, but was told not to worry, they’ve been following me on insta for ages after she told them about her new girlfriend at work.

“Wait, they know about me?” I asked.

“Of course, haven’t you realised yet, girls tell their BFFs everything. Why do you think we share everything with each other? They love you and have wanted to meet you for ages but I said not until you told me this is who you really are.”

They both walked in, hugged me within an inch of my life and we started complimenting each other on our outfits when we all jumped back into the taxi. And my leggings squeaked on the leather seats making it sound like I was farting, made worse by the girls making me sit up front with the driver having been dared to flirt with him.

But every time I moved, my shiny leggings made a fart sound and all I could hear were fits of giggles over it. But it was a great evening, I don’t think we stopped chatting all night, well, apart from when one of us was making out with some random guy, with them setting a target for me to kiss at least three guys in three different bars or clubs. Because I only managed two guys thanks to my nerves, I then had to kiss two guys in one bar and I was meant to openly stroke one of them through their trousers earlier, so this time I had to take their hand and put it between my legs and let them rub me as I rubbed them.

Thankfully, the leggings were so tight I had nothing to worry about, but Steph still had to pull me away as I was quite enjoying it and we were standing on the street at the time. She said, “Ok, seems like you didn’t get enough last night.” Her friends started laughing and yes, they knew all about it. So we talked about sex, comparing notes, but funnily enough both me and Steph talked about Rich like he was two different people.

In the cab as each of us were dropped at home, Steph talked about her fancy dress halloween party on Friday and that she was thinking of going to work as Malibu Barbie on the day, then said to her friends, “I’m hoping little missy here will wear what she has at home to work.”

They wanted to know, but I wasn’t sure myself yet, so wimped out a bit and said I’ve ordered a maid’s outfit, but it’s still a big decision to do this for work. They all started talking at once, trying to convince me, telling me I look happy like this so should just do it, but I pointed out I could easily just go as a business woman and still be in fancy dress.

Steph thought that was a good idea too, but still, a big step to take.

So on Wednesday at work I added my name to the fancy dress list and paid my £20 to take part, telling Steph I would pick her up in the morning. At home that evening I tried on the French maid outfit but didn’t like it, the fitting was all wrong and rather then looking good, it just seemed to hang on me. I opened the wardrobe and looked at the two outfits already in there, the ones that Steph found and the one I showed her all those months ago, then took out a suit with a very short skirt, trying that on as well.

I laid out all three options and would decide in the morning.

I got up early and tried all three options, thinking to myself if I’m going to do it, I may as well do it properly and knew then what I would wear, doing my make up to match. I found a long coat to wear for the walk to garage and the drive to Steph’s, covering myself up as much as I could when I knocked on her door. Rich opened it while still eating toast and I followed him in as Steph sat there in a robe, putting on some pink lipstick. She looked me up and down and said, “Come on then, show me.”

I took my coat off and her moth dropped a little, then stood up and took off her robe. She had a bright pink bikini on, with a short little sarong wrap for some modesty, but looked at me and said, “You know, I only opted for this to try and draw some attention away from you, but now it looks like I have competition.”

And she removed the sarong, picked up a pink handbag and asked Rich where her coat was. The walk from parking the car to the office was intense for me, I don’t think I was taking a risk, but then again, I am very much outing myself. We walked into the office, hung up our coats on a rack near our desks and both walked across to our desks, starting the working day.

I was too scared to go and get a coffee, and Steph refused to get one without me so I did it and a few people walked past, some in fancy dress, some not. Just like at my desk, some did a double take, some not even noticing us. But I was very aware of how I looked and very aware of the looks we were getting from some. After about half an hour, my morning coffee was making itself known, and I whispered to Steph, “Steph, I need to go.”

She looked at me, and said, “Home?”

“No, I need the loo but what do I do?” It hadn’t occurred to me before now this would happen, but she just rolled her eyes and picked up her bag, saying, “Come on, it’ll be alright.”
And she stood up and we walked the length of the office, with a lot of eyes looking at us, a few whispers and a few who were openly checking us out. I was used to it by now, sometimes enjoying the looks, sometimes not enjoying them, but getting them at work wasn't something I expected to happen. We walked into the ladies and I ran to a stall, sat down to pee and heard someone come in.

Once I had finished and wiped, I pulled my outfit back up and went out, and there was a women I had never spoken to before, and she said, “Beck? It is Beck isn’t it?”

And Steph from a stall said, “Call her Becca.”

She looked at me and said, “Becca! That’s adorable and I love your outfit and I wish I had your figure to wear something like that.” She was dressed in the same French maid outfit I had at home, but on her it looked amazing and I told her so and we gushed over each other as I touched up my make up before I needed to go back to my desk. Her words gave me a lot of confidence, and as I walked back to my desk with Steph, I felt myself swaying my hips a bit, and she did the same, both of us enjoying the moment. At our desks we stifled some giggles and I said I would go and get us a coffee, needing to fly solo for once.

Waiting for the kettle to boil, I stood there and noticed Luke talking to Steph at her desk, and he smiled at me. By now it would have been around the office that Beck was here as a girl today, and asking to be called Becca, and I wished I had been honest with him right from the start, or at least telling him about me when we had that ‘double date’ where he apologised for Jamie.

But instead he smiled at me.

He smiled at me.

He must know who I am by now, but he smiled at me.

And I smiled back, mouthing a sorry at him, which seemed to confuse him, so I waved my wand at him and he laughed.

He had left by the time I got back with the coffees, and I asked Steph what he said. She told me, “He said you look great and to tell you he is looking forward to seeing you at my party on Saturday.”

“What! You invited him! But he knows who I am now!”

She smiled and said, “Oh that, no, he always knew, that’s why he felt so bad about not warning you about Jamie.”

I sat there stunned, too stunned to work and after about twenty minutes of pretending to do something I grabbed my phone and sure enough, there was a DM from Luke. It said, ‘Love the look today, wish I had a Peter Pan outfit. Unless that’s too forward.”

It was sent within three minutes of me walking into the building. And here I was, a man, dressed in, well, lets face it, a slutty Tinkerbell costume that hides nothing that I’m not already hiding or been hiding in the past. I looked at a photo I took before I left home and uploaded it to insta with the caption ‘Too much for work?’

The likes started rolling in instantly, and one of the first was Luke. Followed by Steph and her friends, then lots of strangers and lots of frankly inappropriate comments and messages. I showed one to Steph which made us both giggle and our supervisor come over to tell us to get on with work, giving me a very unapproving look down her nose. I don’t care, she’s never been very friendly and looks like she has a broom stuck up her arse. The rest of the day was just normal, apart from my wings getting in the way when I wanted to lean back in my chair. Having left Luke on read all day, I sent him a message saying it was definitely too forward, but not to wear that for Steph’s party as I won’t be Tink for that. He asked me a few times what I would be wearing, but I told him I don’t even know yet what I will wear, so no chance of trying to match me. He sent a sad face, but I decided not to answer.

I had made another decision about tomorrow for dress down day at work. No one seemed to mind what I wore, pretty much everyone had called me either Becca or Becs, so why shouldn't I dress down as well?