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Editor Note: The images used for this story were purchased and used under royalty-free license* from Istockphoto.com . ~Sephrena
Author Note: Please email me at AngelJediGirl (at) gmail (dot) com before posting this story to any other site. Posting to a pay site is prohibited.

Comments and suggestions are also welcome at the above email address.

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Chapter 34 - It's What's on the Inside That Matters

"I'm scared, Mom," I told her while we sat in the waiting room of Dr. Holbrook's office Friday morning.

"It'll be okay, Megan," she said and pulled me closer. I laid my head on her shoulder and felt comforted by her presence. "We'll get through whatever happens, I promise."

We sat like that for a few minutes before Dr. Holbrook appeared.

"Good morning, Megan," she said with a smile. It was hard for me to find a smile to return. "How are you?"

"Honestly," I sighed. "I'm really scared."

Dr. Holbrook's smile widened before she spoke again. "Well, there's nothing to be worried about, I promise. Would the two of you like to come back to my office and we can talk about it?"

Mom and I stood up, and we followed Dr. Holbrook into her office. It was well-appointed, and we took a seat in two comfortable chairs in front of her desk while she walked around and took a seat on the opposite side.

"Before we start," the doctor said. "I want to make sure that you know that there is nothing wrong with you. There are some medical concerns that we will need to address, but you are a healthy young woman. Okay?"

I nodded, but I was still scared of what she was going to tell me.

"Alright," she said. "First, I want you to call me Jenny. We are going to be discussing some personal things this morning, and I want you to know that I will be here to help you through them. Okay?"

I nodded again. Her words weren't making me feel any better. In fact, I was becoming even more nervous.

"Okay," Jenny continued. "I have the results of the tests we did last Friday, and the results of the ultrasound. What do the two of you know about intersex conditions?"

"Isn't that where a person has both male and female parts?" Mom asked.

"Yes," the doctor replied. "Intersex encompasses a large spectrum of things that are seen in the human body. But today we are going to be talking about a specific type of intersex condition."

"So Megan is intersexed?" Mom asked.

"Yes," Jenny replied. "Megan has what we call pseudohermaphroditism. Have you ever heard that term before?"

Both Mom and I shook our heads. I'd heard hermaphrodite before, and I always thought that it was degrading. I didn't really like the sound of having it, whatever “having it” meant.

"Pseudohermaphroditism basically describes a person who is born with characteristics or traits that we would not expect to see in someone with their type of gonads, or testes in men and ovaries in women. Understand?"

Mom nodded, but I was still confused. I shook my head. The doctor smiled at me.

"What it means for you specifically, Megan," she said. "Is that you were born with genitals that do not match your chromosomes."

"Are you saying Megan is a girl?!" my mom asked in surprise. I still wasn't totally sure what they were talking about.

"Yes," the doctor replied. "One of the tests we did on her blood confirmed that Megan is genetically XX."

"Wait, what?" I interrupted, I knew what XX meant. "What do you mean?"

I was asking the doctor, but it was Mom who took my hand in hers and looked me in the eyes.

"Honey," she said with tears in her eyes. "It means that you really are my little girl. You always have been."

"I'm a girl?" It seemed unreal. I couldn't possibly be a girl! I had a penis!

"Yes, Megan," the doctor said with a smile. "You are."

"But, I have a..." I started, but I could no longer say the word.

"I know," Jenny said. "But you most likely did not have the testes to go with it. We will never know for sure because of the accident."

She then picked up a folder and placed it in front of us before opening the top flap. Inside were four pictures that had been taken during the ultrasound. She spread the photos out across her desk, and then pointed at a blob on the first picture.

"This is your left ovary," she told me before pointing to another blob on the second photo. "This is your right ovary."

She then pointed to the third photo, which had a much bigger blob on it. "And this is your uterus."

I stared at the photos. I'd taken health classes at school. But I never in my life thought that I would be learning about my own internal reproductive organs like this! I didn't even think I had internal reproductive organs!

I turned to Mom. She was still staring at me with the same love she had shown me over the last few weeks. A love I was starting to recognize as the type of love that can only be shared by a mother and daughter.

"Mom?" I asked. I wasn't really sure what I was asking, but she did the only thing I wanted her to do. She wrapped me in a hug.

"Congratulations, honey," she whispered in my ear. "I know this is what you want, and I'm glad that you are my daughter. Never forget that."

I started to cry. I wasn’t sure if they were tears of joy at my new lot in life, tears of sadness at what I had lost, or tears of relief at the stress that had finally been lifted. All I knew for sure was that Mom was there for me, and she would always be there when I needed her.

Eventually, I was able to get myself under control. I was happy. After all the emotions that I had just felt, happiness was what I came away with.

"There are some complications we are going to need to deal with," Jenny said once we were ready to continue. She then moved the fourth ultrasound picture in front of us and pointed at two lines in the middle. "This is your vagina."

I was stunned again. I had a vagina?

"Obviously," she continued. "It is blocked from the outside. That is going to be a problem soon."

"Why?" Mom asked in a worried tone.

"Megan, you said your breasts started developing about a year ago, correct?" the doctor asked me. I nodded, still not quite capable of speech. "Most girls start developing much earlier than you did, but starting puberty at 15 is not unheard of. However, about this time in a girl's development, certain things start happening that will be problematic if we don't take care of your medical condition."

"You mean her period?" Mom asked bluntly. My period? I could have a period?

"Yes," the doctor continued before I could fully comprehend her latest revelation. "Without a way for the flow to exit her body, complications can arise. I would recommend that we try to schedule some corrective surgery quickly, before her first period starts."

"I see," Mom said, but she sounded slightly reluctant.

"You don't agree?" the doctor asked, hearing the reluctance in Mom's voice.

"No, I agree fully with you," Mom explained. "What kind of recovery time would we be talking about?"

"I can't say for sure," the doctor said. "But for Megan it will involve much of what would be done during a sex reassignment surgery, minus creating a neovagina. I would expect she'd probably be in bed for most of a week if not longer, and she probably shouldn't be doing anything strenuous for two or three weeks after that."

Mom sighed. I knew what was worrying her. The next few months were going to be a whirlwind in Sarah's life. Sidelining me for three or four weeks would not be beneficial for my career. But the need for the surgery to be done was apparent to everyone in the room.

"Is that a problem?" the doctor asked. It was obvious that she hadn't expected reluctance in the need to have the surgery.

"I don't know," Mom said. "The next few months are going to be a busy time in her life. Trying to schedule time for surgery could be problematic."

"I must emphasize the need for Megan to have this surgery," the doctor warned. "There are too many health problems that can occur if she doesn't."

"I know," Mom replied. "I'm not questioning the need. But there are other concerns involved that need to be considered."

"Like what?" Jenny asked. It was obvious that she didn't believe anything should prevent the surgery from happening.

"Tell her, Mom," I finally spoke after Mom looked torn between telling my doctor the truth and keeping Sarah a secret. I was going to need a doctor who could help me through this, and he or she needed to be aware of who I was. It might as well be Jenny. Mom looked at me, nodded, and then reached for her purse. She pulled out a stack of papers that I immediately recognized.

"This is a non-disclosure agreement," Mom said while passing the papers over to my doctor. "I can't talk about it unless you sign this."

Jenny was clearly surprised, but she took the papers and started reading through them. We sat there for a few minutes until she looked up at us.

"Okay," she said. "Against my better judgment to sign this without having my attorney read through it first, I'm going to trust you."

She picked up a pen and signed the document before handing it back to my mom. Mom then turned toward me. I knew what she wanted me to do.

"I'm Sarah Carerra," I told the doctor.

"I see," the doctor said after a short pause. Her calm tone was belied by the surprised look that filled her face.

"Then you can understand why scheduling the surgery may be tough," Mom said. "We'll need to figure out a time to do this, but we're going to have to involve the record label in this decision. We can't make it completely alone because of her contract."

"Okay," Dr. Holbrook replied. "Just as long as we can get it done soon. I don't want to risk her having a period with no way to menstruate properly."

"I know, Jenny," Mom agreed. "If it was my decision, we'd schedule the surgery as soon as possible. But I know she has a few things scheduled over the next couple of weeks. We'll have to figure out a good time for this."

What was scheduled? Nobody had told me about anything after the concert. I was about to ask my mom before the doctor spoke again.

"I understand," Jenny said. She picked up a couple of business cards and handed them to my mom. "This is the name of a surgeon who can perform the surgery. He's local, and he's flexible in his hours. He also promised that he would try to get you in as soon as possible. When you know more, give him a call. I've also included my cell number on the other card. Call me if you have any questions."

She then turned to me.

"Megan," she said with a smile. "I'm here to help. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you, okay?"

"Thank you," I smiled back, but I was still in shock. "I will."

*  *  *

"Hi, girls," Dad said when we walked in the door back at home. "Hurry and get ready, Megan, we have to leave soon if we're going to make it to your appointment with Julia on time."

"Okay," I said and took a step toward the hall.

"Megan," Mom stopped me. "Don't you have something that you want to tell your father?"

The answer was yes and no. Dad had been really good about my change, but I knew that he was still getting used to it. I wasn't sure how he would handle the knowledge that I really was a girl.

I stopped and turned back toward where he was standing.

"I, uh," I started. I wasn't sure how to tell him. "I love you, Daddy," I said instead.

"Megan," Mom said with mirth in her voice. "You have to tell him eventually."

"I know," I said. "But it's kind of embarrassing."

Mom laughed outright at those words.

"Oh, honey," she said. "You really are a girl."

She then turned to Dad. I knew that she was going to tell him if I didn't, and that was fine by me. At least the words wouldn't be mine.

"What did the doctor say?" Dad asked. He looked worried now, but our good spirits seemed to indicate that nothing was wrong.

"Megan is our little girl, Don," she said with a smile. "She's biologically our little girl."

"You mean..." He said, but he couldn't finish his question.

"Yes, Don," Mom continued. "With everything that entails."

Dad looked...well, he looked speechless.

"Go get ready, Megan," Mom said. "I'll tell him the details."

"Okay," I said and turned to walk down the hall again. I was happy to let my mom do the hard part. I definitely didn't want to be there when he heard the details of my anatomy.

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"Emily!" I squealed when Chloe entered my room, or Sarah's room, a few minutes later. I wrapped her in a huge hug.

"You're in a good mood," she mentioned. "What's up with you?"

"I'm a girl!" I nearly screamed in delight.

"Well duh," she said, not fully understanding what I meant. "I thought we had already figured that out."

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "But it's more than that! I really am a girl! I'm double X. I have ovaries, a uterus, I even have a vagina!"

"What?" she questioned skeptically. She had seen me in the locker room two days ago, and it had been pretty clear then what was between my legs.

"I'm biologically female," I explained again. "My doctor wants me to have surgery to fix things down there before I have my first period!"

"Period?" she looked really confused now. "Megan, what are you talking about?"

I sighed in frustration. I wasn't sure how to make it any clearer.

"I'm female," I tried again. I then pointed to my head. "And not just up here, I'm female everywhere, except for the abnormality between my legs."

"You're a real girl?" she asked with a bit less skepticism.

"Yes!" I screamed at her. "I'm a real girl! From birth!"

"Wow!" she exclaimed and slowly sank down onto the couch. "That isn't quite what I expected when I came over this morning."

I laughed. "You didn't expect it? What about me?"

She laughed with me. "I guess that must have been a bit of a shock."

"You think?" I said, continuing to laugh.

"Megan?" Mom asked from my door. "Is everything alright in here?"

"Yes, Mom," I replied. "I was just telling Emily what the doctor said."

"Okay," she said. "But hurry and finish getting ready. Your dad wants to leave."

"Alright," I said and turned back to the armoire. I picked up my wig and started pinning it in place.

"This explains a lot, you know," Emily said from behind me as I finished messing with the wig and started on my makeup. Sarah's makeup was different than Megan's. They could be interchanged, but if I knew I was going out as Sarah, my makeup was often done more dramatically.

"About what?" I asked while lining my eyes.

"Like how easy you've fallen into being a girl. I mean, it's only been three weeks and you're applying makeup like you've been doing it as long as I have!"

I smiled. I had become quite proficient at doing my own makeup. Since I had to apply it more than once a day to become Sarah, it certainly became easier.

"But it's not just the makeup," she continued. "There's been something different about you since we were little...girls."

We giggled at that comment for a moment before I pulled out my mascara.

"I never knew what it was," she said with a smile that I could see in the mirror. "But I understand it now. I can't believe that we didn't see it sooner. Megan has always been right there in front of me."

I guess I could have felt saddened by that knowledge, but I didn’t. She was right. Megan had always been there, and I was glad that she had been.

I capped my mascara and stood up.

"I love you, Emily," I said while I turned toward her. She smiled and we embraced in a long hug.

"I love you too, Megan."

*  *  *

A few minutes later Emily and I walked into the front room. Dad and Austin were there, and they looked slightly ill. Apparently Mom had filled them in on what was going on with me.

Austin stood up from where he had been sitting on the couch and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around me in a hug.

It was weird. In all the time that I'd known the little bugger, we'd never really had a very good relationship. But the last three weeks had changed things. I think I was closer to Austin now than I had ever been in my life. I had no choice. I had to wrap my arms around him in return.

"Are you really a girl now?" he asked me.

"I guess I always have been," I replied. "But yes, I am."

"Does that mean you're going to get all crazy once a month like Mom now?" he asked in sincerity. I heard Mom choke, and I laughed.

"I'll do my best not to, okay?" I told him with a smile. He nodded, and he seemed to look better than he had when I walked into the room. "You're the best little brother a girl could ask for."

I then kissed him on the cheek. It was something I never would have done as Brett, but it felt like the right thing to do as Megan. He looked embarrassed by it, but he smiled back at me.

"I love you," I told him.

"I love you too," he replied. Still red with embarrassment, he walked back over to the couch and sat down.

Dad stood up next. He smiled at me while he stepped closer.

"Megan," he said before he did something I had rarely ever seen him do. It started as one tear, slowly rolling down his right cheek, but soon he was tearing up as much as I was. Instead of words, he wrapped me in his arms just like Austin had done. I had no choice but to wrap my arms around him too. I had the best family in the world.

This time I held him until he had collected himself. He then kissed me on the forehead.

"Megan," he said again. "I always wanted a daughter. I was happy with you and your brother, but the last three weeks...I love you so much. I'm so proud of you. Whether you are my son or my daughter, you are my child and I will always love you."

Now he had me crying even harder. It wasn't even ten in the morning, and it had already been one of the best days of my life.

It took us a few minutes, but we finally managed to collect ourselves again.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked me.

"No!" I complained. "Now I have to redo my makeup!"

The rest of them broke out in laughter.

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