“Mom! I’m home!” I yelled as I walked into the house.

“Up here!”

I headed up the stairs but stopped when I found my mom inside my room.

“Mom! Why are you going through my stuff?”

“Robert. Would you mind telling me where you got a new iPad from?”

Crap! I knew that I’d really stepped in it this time. Calm down Rob, you’re smart. Think of something.

“It was a gift, from a friend of mine. I didn’t ask him for it, his dad was buying him a new one and he offered to give it to me.”

“Oh and would this be the same friend who gave you the Xbox I found in your closet? Or maybe the one who gave you the laptop under your mattress? I know! It’s the friend who gave you the STACK OF MONEY I FOUND IN YOUR SOCK DRAWER!!!”

Dang! Whenever mom raises her voice you know you’re in trouble. Ok, take a deep breath, let’s tackle the obvious crime first, you’ll work your way through this. Look her in the eyes and relax.

“Mom, it’s not what you think, the money is to start a website. Me and a friend from school are planning on making a website and this is our company pool. The laptop is also his and we’re using it because it’s easier to work on this if we’re using the same machine. The Xbox is a simple explanation, I bought it on eBay.”

“That’s certainly a plausible explanation,” she said somewhat uncertainly.

Whew! Looks like I’m in the clear. “Mom, I’ll be starting my senior year of high school. I’m practically a man. If there’s one thing that Dad has taught me, it’s that a man doesn’t lie and a man takes responsibility for his actions. Besides, I’m the man of the house while Dad’s on business, I think that I’ve earned the right to a little privacy and a little trust. Not that I even have to answer to you, Dad always says the person who wears the pants in the family makes the rules in the family. But since I’m still you’re son, I’ll even give you proof. Here’s my credit card receipt for the eBay purchases and here’s some of the papers me and my friend were working on for the company.” Righteous anger usually has a way of taking the wind out of Mom’s sails. I should be home free.

“I’m glad you’re being so honest about everything. Since you’re being so honest, would you give me your friend’s number? A simple phone call will be enough to put my doubts to rest.”

Dang! I didn’t think she would go that far! Still, smooth and confidant and I’ll be able to get away with this.

“Sure Mom, are you ready?” Ha! She still hadn’t found the cell phone I’d swiped from Jenny Richards the other day. I’d just give her that number. Sometimes my own cleverness amazes me! She dialed the number then smiled at me. That should have tipped me off that something was wrong.

“Robert, I hear a phone ringing somewhere around here, would you mind telling me where that’s coming from?” Mom glared at me as she pulled Jenny’s phone out of her pocket. “After all that talk about being a MAN and taking responsibility like a MAN and you just LIED TO MY FACE! You stay in your room you liar and you will stay here till I come up with a suitable punishment!” With that she stormed out of my room.

It’s one of the reasons I’ve gotten so good at lying, Mom’s always punished lying more severely than any other crimes. I flopped onto my bed as I tried to think of what to do. It killed me but I started crying. Whenever I got in trouble with my mom the tears usually start falling. I love my mom and I know it’s hard for her to deal with raising me and my brother, especially since Dad’s job requires him to travel a lot. Still I was really screwed this time. Lying and stealing means I’m definitely in worse trouble than I’ve ever been. Could I go to jail for this? Oh God, please no. I’m a good student, 3.8 GPA but that won’t matter inside prison. I’ve always been a good thief too, I can pick a lock just as easily as I can con you into opening the lock for me. Again that won’t help me too much in prison. See the problem is that I’m on the skinnier side. I’m 5’8 (and that’s generous) and I only crossed 110 lbs this summer. I’ve always been weaker than the other guys and that’s something that haunts me, I don’t want a repeat of the Call of Duty incident from last summer.

I looked up as Mom walked back into the room. “Get up!”

I stood up, I can’t recall the last time Mom was this mad. My mom doesn’t show her anger by being loud; Mom’s anger is very soft and deadly. There’s a certain gleam in her eyes that you don’t want to mess with. So I quickly stood up.

“Here’s what’s going to happen: 1. You are going to return everything you stole along with an apology. 2. Once everything is returned, you are grounded for the rest of the summer. If I ever catch you stealing again, we’re going straight to the police. Understand?”

Phew! Sure returning the stuff is going to suck and my rep is going to take a serious hit once school starts but at least I’m not going to jail or anything.

Well as the days started to drag on I began to discover just how wrong I was. Don’t get me wrong, I always was more of a stay-at-home guy but this was ridiculous. I was in a restless mood as I checked my Facebook for the billionth time today. Hello, a new message. Looks like a few guys found out about this shady strip club that doesn’t actually ID people. In typical high school fashion, this bit of information spread quickly and a bunch of guys were planning on taking a trip there this evening. Mom usually goes to bed early and I should be able to slip out of the house and be back before she wakes up the next morning. I don’t usually go in for that kind of thing but I was restless and what harm could it do? Besides this will provide business to those sluts in the club and a bit of enjoyment for some fine men who deserve it.

Nighttime couldn’t arrive soon enough. As soon as I heard Mom walk into her room, I quietly got dressed and slipped out of the house. It’s not easy to do because while Mom does go to bed early, she tends to be a light sleeper, especially when Dad’s not home. Still I’d slipped out of the house so often that it came as second nature now. Once I was outside I headed toward this kid Kyle’s house. He lived about 10 minutes from my house and a bunch of the guys were meeting there to carpool over to the club. His parents were out of town, making his house the ideal meeting place.

The car stopped and we all got out and headed for the doors of the club. This was what I wanted: a little excitement, an adrenaline rush, and a chance to bag a bitch! I started to walk over to the club when, all of a sudden, someone grabbed my shoulder. I turned around and, to my horror, it was my mom!

“Get in the car, young man, we’ll talk about it when we get home. As for the rest of you,” she said raising her voice, “Unless you want me to call your parents, you better go home as well.”

I was silent the rest of the way home. I wasn’t sure what Mom was going to do. I had almost made it to the end of summer without getting into too much trouble and now I had been busted twice in one month! If only I hadn’t gone out, I could have waited two weeks and been back in school and punishment free. I can only imagine what would happen to me now.

“Robert I don’t need to tell you how much trouble you’re in. If you don’t go to bed and stay in your room till I call you, you won’t be able to imagine what kind of punishment I’ll give you. If you’re not in that room when I come to get you, you’ll wish I had sent you to prison, you unobedient, sly, CRIMINAL!”

I trudged upstairs, trying to keep my composure but failing pretty badly. I got inside just as the tears were about to fall. I want to say that I fell asleep easily but the truth is that I tossed and turned. I was really scared and really nervous about what my mom would do to me. Don’t get me wrong, mom would never do anything to hurt me, she really loves me. But she takes breaking the rules and disrespecting women very seriously and I’d singlehandedly managed to do both in one action. Somehow I finally fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up and began cleaning up my room. Yes I’m a bit of a slob. Ok, I’m good at organizing everything except my room. There might be stuff everywhere but I can always find what I’m looking for. The cleanliness of my room was one of the things that my mom and I disagreed on and it always annoyed her that my room was so messy. I thought that maybe if I cleaned it up, it’d make a good impression and I’d get off lightly.

“Bob, come here!”

All right here we go. Maybe just maybe I’d be able to talk my way out of this one. I walked into our living room and sat down. My brother had gone to play basketball at the gym so it was just me and my mom.

“Robert, I don’t want you to say anything. I heard you sneak out of the house and followed you and your friends. After we came back I thought long and hard about what to do. I raised you better than this. The person who you’ve become is not who I know you really are. I know that you’re better than this.”

“Mom, I…”

“Don’t say anything Robert, let me finish. At first I was just going to punish you for going to the strip club. But then I realized that your problem runs deeper. You’re disrespectful to women all the time, you steal things without remorse, and it seems that you can’t be in a social setting without causing some kind of trouble. You lie routinely just to get what you want. I struggled to try to come up with a punishment that would punish all of those crimes. So I called your school and arranged a punishment with them. Starting this year, you’ll be attending school as a girl. That means that you’ll carry the responsibilities of an average teenage girl as well. Just remember that if you defy me, you’re secret will get out. If you don’t attend school, you can instead go to prison. You’ve lost my trust Robert. This is your last chance to earn it back.”

I sat there in stunned silence. “But why mom?”

“If you have to go through what a girl goes through then you’ll learn to be respectful of women. If you have to start your social life again, maybe you won’t make the same mistakes. And maybe hanging around girls instead of those chauvinistic males you’ve been hanging around with lately will improve you overall.”

Dang! I really was screwed this time. Whatever happens this promises to be a senior year that I wish I could, but probably never will, forget.