Part 4

It was odd to be back in my old room. It had, of course, been undergoing a change over the months, the wardrobe now filled with my summer clothes, giving room for the winter things at the Hall. I had brought enough winter things to see me through the holiday. The four of us had Christmas Day at home, me giving my parents and sister their gifts. I had been to the shops on the way home from the Hall and had them gift wrapped in the shop. I wasn’t fully girl, just yet.

Dawn was much more friendly, now. I could tell that life had been a lark for her before, but seeing me, the younger one, holding my audience in the palm of my hand, and then hugging Lady C as a friend, had brought it home to her that she was wasting her life. She had a job in the local fast-food joint, as did her friends, and had realised that spinning one’s wheels only produces smoke. She certainly didn’t have the aptitude to do guiding, but I knew that the shop had a reasonable turn-over of staff, and I said I’d see if a vacancy was likely.

Between Christmas and New Year, I had a strange experience, one that made me think about the road I was now travelling. I was in Derby and went into a chemists to get some foundation. While there, I added a blusher and a bright pink lipstick that was sitting on the shelf crying “Buy Me”. When I went to pay for them, I was surprised to recognise the guy behind the counter. He put my things in a bag, gave me the receipt from the card reader, and then said, “Happy New Year, Madam.”

Feeling wicked, I said, “And a Happy New Year to you, too, Terry.”

“You know me? I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

“Of course, you have, Terry, you sat next to me in Maths for three years in High School. You were one of the few that didn’t call me Jesse.”

“Edward, but you can’t be! He was a bit, well, foppish, but you’re beautiful.”

I waved the bag he had just given me.

“The secret is all in here, dear boy. I didn’t become beautiful, I just learned how to fake it. You do realise that if your little brother is still spotty, you have the answers here, in your shop.”

“He isn’t as spotty as he used to be. I’ll have to tell him that I’ve spoken to you. I’ll start from the top. Happy New Year, Jesse, will you go to the pictures with me, Saturday night?”

“You know, Terry, I think I will. Meet you at the Odeon Luxe foyer, say seven? You can book it.”

Saturday night, I drove into Derby and parked at the Meteor Centre, by the entrance of the cinema. As I walked in, I checked out my reflection in the windows. Jersey dress that clinged to my body, stockings, three-inch heels, hoops in the ears, my Yang pendant, and new rings that I had been given for Christmas; topped off with a thigh-length jacket and a shoulder bag, I felt every inch the woman I looked like. Goodness knows, it had taken me three hours to look like this.

Terry was waiting for me and hugged me when we met. He had tickets for a show that started at half-past eight, and a booking in the restaurant for seven. As far as I was concerned, he was well ahead on points. He took my hand and led me to the restaurant, where we were shown our seats. He couldn’t take his eyes off me as we perused the menu, then ordered a meal and drinks. The drinks came out, a beer for him and white wine for me. We clinked the glasses and he smiled.

“Jesse, you know that I know who you were. You’re not that person, now, and I want you to know that I have forgotten the previous you, forever. Back then, I admired you for the way you took the wind out of the bully’s sails by acting as if the nickname was a badge of honour. All I see now is a wonderful woman who I want to know better.”

“Terry, I’m happy that you think this way. This is the first date I’ve had with a guy, and I thank you for asking me out.”

Over the meal I found out that the chemist shop was his family business, and he found out what I was doing with myself. There was a lot to catch up on, we hadn’t seen each other for a good four or five years. He had always been friendly to me, in school. And hadn’t followed the example of the bullies. His little brother, Tommy, had been a year behind us, and quite a good artist. When we went into the cinema, I found that we had a mini settee, with side tables, and that he had organised a snack near the end of the film. It was a neutral movie, neither male nor female oriented, but halfway in between as well as being funny.

About a two-thirds of the way through, he put his arm around my shoulder, and I suddenly felt very comfortable. During a romantic scene, I turned my head as he turned his, and we kissed. It was nothing like kissing Sally. This was a firm and very nice kiss. It was a kiss that told me that I would like some more, so we kissed again. I knew that he knew he was kissing someone who had been a boy, but, to me, there was no doubt. I was a girl in my twenties, and I was kissing a guy, also in his twenties, and I liked it, a lot.

When we walked out, his arm around my waist, he said that he would get a taxi, so I said that my car was in the carpark. We walked to it, and he stood there with a big grin on his face.

“You’re a girl of many surprises, Jesse. That is a glorious car.”

“You should have seen it when we got it. It took me and Dad four years to get it looking like this.”

“You restored it yourself? Wow, it’s a great job.”

“Want to drive it?”

“Do I ever!”

He opened the passenger door for me and held my hand as I lowered myself into the seat. After he had closed the door, he got in and started it, easing us out into the city streets.

“Are you living with your parents?”

“At the moment, I live full-time at Kedleston, have done since July. I have to go back in early in January, as they want to make a film of a tour I do.”

“That’s interesting. If we go to my place, it’s only a couple of streets from yours. I’m sure you remember where I live.”

“Terry, dear boy, you were the only one to invite me to a birthday party. Of course, I know where you live.”

We travelled in relative silence, only the burble of the exhaust to mark our passing. I could see that he had fallen in love. With the car! At his house, he was slow to turn off and get out. He came around to my side and opened the door, then bent to help me stand. It was natural that, as I got upright, our faces were close together and we leant forward for a kiss. His arms went around my body and mine went around his neck and his tongue played hide and seek with mine. I could feel his excitement against my groin, and I wondered what I should do.

The moment was broken by a tapping on a window, and we parted to see his mother beckoning us in. We both laughed and I picked up my bag, locked the car and put the keys in.

“Now for the third degree, I think that she wants to know who I was kissing.”

He led me in, and his mother was in the hallway. I got in before she could say anything.

“Good evening, Mrs Brookes, I’m Jesse.”

“Call me Ada, young lady. No wonder Terry has been mooning about since he met you. He told me that he knew you from years ago.”

“Yes, we had some same lessons in High School, and I went from there to the University. It’s been a good few years since we last met. He was always friendly, but we didn’t truly connect until tonight. I’m sorry, I can’t stop, as my parents are expecting me home. I may be all grown up, but they still worry.”

“All right. Jesse, it’s nice to meet a girl who thinks of her parents.”

Terry led me back to the car and I unlocked it.

“Thank you for this evening, Terry, I really enjoyed it. The meal was great, the film was funny, and you’re wonderful.”

“How about coming out with me, again. There’s a New Years party that my parents have been invited to, in the city hall. I wasn’t going to go, but I would love it if you would come. I know where you live, so I’ll organise an Uber for the night. Say you’ll come.”

“Yes, Terry, all I need to know is the pickup time, that way I can give myself a few hours to get ready.”

“Let’s make it seven, at your house. It’s semi-formal.”

We kissed and I got in, fired up the car and drove the two streets home with a smile on my face. I felt a little guilty about Sally, but we hadn’t got any further than kissing and our relationship was as best friends, rather than lovers. Tonight, I had discovered how young ladies got into trouble. If I had the proper equipment, and we had the opportunity, I would have felt what it was to have him inside me, tonight, no questions asked. Semi-formal, he had said. I only had Monday to go before the party, and not all the stores would be open. This was a case for motherly advice.

I asked her about it on Sunday, and she set to planning our shopping trip. Looking up the dress shops on her phone, she made a list of four that would sell something suitable and would be open. Monday, I drove us into the city, and we hit the stores. Being a New Year do, the first thing we did was go to her usual salon, where they pencilled me in for later in the afternoon. Then we went looking. She insisted that I should get a little black dress, but it couldn’t be any little black dress. She knew Ada Brookes and knew the sort of party it would be. I paid a bit more for the dress than I would have liked, but it was beautiful, slinky, short, and had a top that was decent enough to hide the fact that I was wearing falsies. I had to buy a tee-shirt bra to smooth out the upper part, as well as new panties designed to not show lines.

At the salon, she took over and told the girls what to do. I came out with hair that was a lot lighter than I had gone in with, with streaks of auburn, and a bag of new cosmetics with the instructions on how to use them. They were certainly a step above the ones I had bought from Terry.

By seven, on New Years Eve, I was looking at my reflection in our hall mirror, to make sure nothing was amiss. Mum had fussed around me, giving me advice on how I should behave during the evening.

“Be casual, but classy. Those parties are all councillors and businesspeople. I know that they have a collection for a charity, but it will be your young man who pays. Don’t lose my emeralds, they were your grandmothers’. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, after midnight.”

I heard his steps to the door but held off answering it for a few moments. When I opened it, I saw him in a tux, and he looked very smart. I called out to my parents that I was off and heard them wish me a good time. He took my arm as he walked me to the Uber, opening the back door to help me in. When he got in, beside me, we were off to the city centre. He took hold of my hand and told me that I looked wonderful, so I told him that he looked good, himself.

At the hall, I waited until he had gone around to open the door for me, then he helped me out. I know that I could have done it all, myself, but I was playing my girl cards all the way. I knew he wanted to kiss me, so I murmured that I didn’t want to have to redo my lipstick until later. Arm in arm, we went in and left our coats at the desk. I could tell that I was way outside my usual comfort zone, whatever that may be nowadays. The gowns were sumptuous, the jewellery sparkled, and the air was filled with serious perfumes. My dress was in a minority, but a minority of girls my age, the older ones were in calf or ankle lengths, and it was all very Victorian, but without corsets. That, I could tell from the larger waists that populated the room.

He led me to where Ada and Fred were talking to the couple that ran the sweet shop. I thought it funny that I had to be introduced to them as Jesse Jamison, as I knew all of them well from my school days, wandering the town. We talked, we mingled, we sat and ate a meal, drank some wine and then it was time for speeches. As it was a civic occasion, the Mayor said nice words about the way the city had pulled itself out of bad times, and then announced that the charity auction was about to begin.

That consisted of a lot of goods and services donated by the very same people in the room, and I thought I noticed some of them overpaying for items that they had donated. I guess there’s a tax break in there, somewhere. Towards the end, the offering was tickets to the new sensation at Kedleston Hall, the History of the Hall and Family, through the Artworks. It was for a private, pre-season tour, with lunch, for fifteen. That’s when I saw the Lord and Lady, at a table. At the same time, my eyes and Lady C’s eyes met, and she stood up.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” she called. “I see that the presenter of this new tour is here tonight. Come on over, Jesse, and present the tickets to the winning bid.”

I smiled at the others at our table, who had stunned expressions, and stood to go to the front. There I was given a hug by both aristocrats and the bidding began. As I watched, I saw Ada talking to some of her friends at a nearby table and wasn’t surprised when she and Fred made the winning bid. I suspected that the cost would be shared around. With another hug from Lady C, after one from Terry, who had been sent up to take the tickets, I joined Terry to go back to our seats.

I could tell that something had changed. Previously, I had been a nice girl who her son was keen on, so graciously accepted, for now. When we sat back down, I had become the nice girl who was on first name basis with respected aristocrats, and also the named presenter of a new tour, different enough to be specially ticketed. The friends at the nearby table joined us as we went into the dance area for the arrival of midnight. Terry saw my dilemma in being pestered with questions and stayed close. We danced and stayed dancing until it was time for the countdown. At midnight we kissed for the first time that night, and again for the first time of the New Year.

As things wound down, we were approached by Lady C.

“Jesse, I have to say that I’ve never seen you so radiant as you are tonight. I see that it was your own knight in shining armour that collected his booty.”

“May I introduce Terry Brookes; his parents own the chemist shop in the High Street. I expect that the tickets will be used by a group of local shopkeepers.”

“Pleased to meet you Terry, and also pleased at who won the bids, it will be good to have the shopkeepers seeing the tour before summer. They may allow us to put posters in their windows. Why don’t you join us on Monday when Jesse starts filming the tour? She can show you the hall in a new light.” She grinned. “The state bedrooms are a sight to behold.”

Terry gulped. “Thank you, Your Ladyship. I’ll love to come and see Jesse then, I’ve always had an interest in films, and how they are made. I’ll get my brother to work in the shop.”

“Good boy. Stand by your girl and you can’t go wrong. I’ll see you both on Monday, about nine. Happy New Year to you both.” Then she gave us both a hug and joined her husband to say goodnight to the city fathers. Terry just stood there, dumbstruck.

“Come on, you good boy, you. You need to call up that Uber and take me home.”

He made the call, and I said goodnight to his parents, getting a hug from them both. Outside, while we waited for our ride we stood, face to face, with his arms around me, inside my coat. We kissed again and he whispered in my ear.

“Tonight, I danced with an angel and was hugged by a Lady. You certainly move in circles that I never suspected. How about another film, on Saturday night?”

“I have a better idea, how about you drive me, in the MG, out into the countryside and we can eat in a country pub and look over a wooded valley, sitting in the car and kissing.”

“You win. I had thought of that, but wondered if I was being too forward.”

The Uber arrived and we kissed, in the back seat, until we arrived home. He helped me out, we had a goodnight kiss, and I watched him get driven around the corner, wondering what had made me be so confident that I was his woman.

I went to pick him up on Saturday and let him drive. We didn’t end up overlooking a wooded valley after a pub lunch. Instead, we found ourselves sitting on a bench, overlooking Rutland Water, eating the fish and chips we had bought at a shop in Oakham. It was lovely, and we were quite alone, wrapped in our winter coats as it wasn’t the warmest of days. There, we talked about things and, finally, I spoke about the elephant in the room.

“You know that I was born as Edward. I still have my boy bits. Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Jesse, those bits are well hidden. As far as I, and anyone else knows, you’re a lovely woman. I will say that I have no wish to see them, however.”

“That’s all right, I wasn’t happy for you to see them, anyway. Will you wait until I’m reworked?”

“I’ll wait for ever, until we can be truly man and woman. Surely there’s somebody you can see about this, you’ve been living as a girl for a good six months, now. Haven’t you consulted anyone?”

“I haven’t had time, plus I hadn’t realised that I wanted to go all the way before. It’s taken a possible future where being fully female may be advantageous.”

“Look, we have a list of doctors in the shop, with their specialities. I’ll look through it and give you some contact details. I believe that you need to be presenting as a woman for at least a year before they will do anything major, but the sooner you get referred, the sooner you can get on the list, and the sooner we can get married.”

“That sounds like the most convoluted proposal I’ve ever heard, but I will say yes, dependant on my transition being successful. I won’t hold you to it if I can’t come to you as a proper bride.”

We must have looked like a couple of Eskimos, there on the bench, in our big coats, with our lips locked together. He tasted of salt and vinegar chips, and I must have tasted the same, with a hint of lipstick. We spent the afternoon at the Museum and Art Gallery in Leicester, followed by a light meal in a local café. It was a wonderful day, and we parted, outside his house, after a kissing session, both sure in what we wanted for the future. It was a feeling that I had never had, before. It had been my birthday, but I hadn’t said anything, in case he got upset that he hadn’t bought me anything. What he had given me, though, was priceless. Someone, and something, to look forward to, for life.

He walked around to my house on Monday morning and drove us to the Hall. Although I loved driving the MG, it was nice to sit beside him and gaze at his profile as he concentrated on the road. As we pulled into the carpark, I was surprised to see Sally in a very concentrated smooching session with a slightly taller guy. As we stopped, she stepped back, looking a bit flushed. Terry looked at the guy and laughed, then got out of the car.

“Hey, Oscar, how are you, buddy?”

The two of them had a man hug, while I had got out to hug Sally.

“Jesse, you have no idea how worried I was when you found out that I had found a guy. Now, you turn up with a hunk of your own, and they know each other. It truly is a small world.”

“It’s all right, you’ll still be my BFF, even if I got jealous. Mine works in his fathers’ chemist shop, what about yours?”

“He’s a fireman. I met him at a dance in Derby over the holidays. Where did you meet yours?”

“He sat next to me in maths for three years in High School.”

“He knows about you and is still has the hots. Girl, you’ve struck lucky with that one.”

“I know, it’s a lovely experience. We discussed it on Saturday, and he told me that he would wait until I had transitioned.”

“Hold on, are you saying he’s already proposed?”

“It wasn’t a proposal, but an ambit claim. I said yes and await a proper ring with high expectation. By the way, I met our aristocrats at a civic do on New Years Eve. They had put up fifteen tickets for our new tour, with lunch. I had a quick look at them, and they were dated for the end of March, a week before we re-open for the summer.”

“This does mean a lot to them. We have to do our best.”

By then, the boys had run out of their own talk, and I was formally introduced to Oscar, who had played rugby with Terry, until Terry had to go and work in the shop. We led the boys into the Trust entrance, then down the corridors until we came out in the room which started the tour. There was quite a crowd there, setting up cameras and lights. I took one look and called out in a loud voice.

“Who is in charge, here?”

A guy held his hand up.

“Before you turn those lights on, you’ll have to reverse them and use reflectors. The pictures don’t like direct strong light. It’s a bit like the death of a thousand cuts, a little bit at a time builds up and, before you know it, the paint is brittle and starts to flake.”

“Thanks for that. I gather that you’re Jesse?”

“Yes, and this is Sally, one of our presenters. The two guys are Terry and Oscar and are here to help with anything you can use them for. Now, when do you want us to be in costume?”

“As soon as you like. We are going to shoot an introduction from Her Ladyship, first. I’ve looked at the number of shots we need, and I expect that we’ll be here all week, to produce a two-part show. I want to use it as a pilot for a series that I have been told will be called ‘The Effect of the Grand Tour on the Great Houses of Britain’. If it gets taken up, we’ll be filming at every place with a lot of paintings and sculptures in the country, if we get permission to film. The Trust has promised their full co-operation, so that’s a years’ worth of shows, straight away.”

I could sense Sally starting to panic beside me, so I just looked at him.

“That’s good, it will make it fit better for future shows. How do you want to work it?”

“Right, before you go and change, can you stand in front of the first picture, then move on to the rest that are in this room, when I tell you. We’ll measure the distance from the camera and check the lines. We will do the whole room, hopefully in one long take, which makes it look more spontaneous. We’ll then do any fillers that fit the narrative. Your call on that. Then, you get a break while we move to another room. It doesn’t matter what order we do it in, that will be rectified in post-production.”

“What about the Christmas tinsel and trees?”

“I’m told that the gardeners will have all the trees out today, the tinsel doesn’t matter as we’ll keep it out of shot.”

I did the movements as he called them, with Terry and Oscar running a tape out from the camera and calling out the distance. The camera was quite a way from the wall, so they could cover the whole thing from one place. Sally and I then went off to get changed.

“Where’s Claudette?” she cried. “She should be here by now. I’m going to give her a call.”

She put her phone on to speaker as she dialled. When Claudette answered, Sally pleaded.

“Claudette, where are you, girl? They’re nearly ready to start filming.”

“Sorry, Sally. I went on a skiing holiday and had an accident. I’m in a French hospital with an arm broken in two places. I did call Derek and leave a message. You’ll have to do the filming with just the two of you. Have to go, the doctors are coming along the ward, love you both, bye!”

Marianne Gregory © 2023