Something Feels Strange…

"Hi, Daddy," I say with a smile as I give him a big hug, and a kiss on the cheek.

"Ooh –," he says with a grin, "I think I'm going to enjoy having a daughter!"

Chapter 10: Fatherly Advice

After thanking the pilots for a comfortable – well, sort of, the discomfort was not their fault – flight and saying good bye to my two travelling companions, my new father and I load my bags in the back of his truck and depart.  It is only 4pm, so Major Jeffers decides to give me a tour of the Air Force Base and Army Post before heading for home.  He explains that I need to know my way around. 

The Base and Post are next to each other and share a few facilities like the hospital and base exchange – known as the BX – a large store where military people can get things cheaper than in town. The setting is stunning.  The two installations are covered in birch forests and there are mountains on the east border and an ocean inlet to the west.  There are still large patches of snow on the mountains.

As we drive around, Major Jeffers – Dad – is all business, giving me a running commentary about what we are seeing.  He also explains the rules regarding, and expectations of, military dependents.  He quizzes me on what he is telling me, just to make sure that it is all sinking in.

So far, I am only seeing the officer in Major Jeffers.  Neither of us quite knows how to become family, or if we even want to given the short time we have together.  Part of the problem is that we both know that I can't really talk about my past and I am here today and gone tomorrow, so to speak.  It is hard to get to know someone without actually knowing about them and relationships take time to develop.  Time is something that we don't seem to have much of and real relationships are not mission critical.

After an hour of touring, we leave the Post and head towards the Jeffers' home.  Along the way he tells me the names of the parts of the town.  Apparently every segment of town has its own name. He explains that I need to know something about the area in case someone quizzes me.

"Who will know anything about Alaska?" I ask.

"You'd be surprised," he replies. "With all the military, oil, fishing, and tourism people that pass through, there are lots of people in the 'Lower 48' with a working knowledge of the area.  While only about six hundred thousand people live in the state, there are about 3 million people outside of Alaska who have lived here for at least a short time.  I run into them all the time whenever I go down south. Also, people seem to be very curious about the northern wilderness so you need to be able to tell them a little bit about it. As I understand it, your cover story has it that you have lived here for six years, so you certainly ought to know something about the area."

By the time we get to the house, I am pretty sure that my new Dad is a decent guy – he is definitely friendly.  I hope that he is thinking similar thoughts about me, though as a girl, rather than a guy.

Their home is a large two story wooden framed house up on a mountain side overlooking the city.  It sits on two acres of birch forested land.  It is very upscale and nice.

As we pull into the driveway, Dad says, "I should warn you that my niece has been like a cat on a hot tin roof ever since Amanda Quinn called Jen this morning.  I get the feeling she is not looking forward to your arrival. I don't know what is going on between you two, but you should be aware that you're going into a minefield.  You seem like a nice girl and so is she. Whatever it is, I hope that you two can get past it.  Unfortunately, we aren't going to give you much time to work on it tonight; the schedule is pretty full. When you do get time to work things out, let me know if you need a referee.  I've some experience working with soldiers who must work together when they have issues, so maybe I can help."

"Ah... Major Jeffers," I begin, "Laurie and I have been friends for a while now, and something has just come to light that calls that friendship into question." A major understatement. "I hope we can work it out too, but I have my doubts.  She needn't worry that I will rip her head off or anything. I'm sure that we can be civil about this but I am having trouble seeing where this will end up. Also, I've learned a few things in the last twenty-four hours that are in her favor.  I'll try to be nice.  Really I will.  And thanks for the offer for help.  Hopefully we can take care of this on our own."

"I hope so too, Princess," he says, "just remember my offer."

Princess? Where did that come from?

Seeing the shocked and confused look on my face, he laughs, "I always thought that if we had a daughter that that is what I would call her.  In our short time together, I can see that the title would fit you well. You are very well mannered, intelligent, and easy to be around in addition to being pretty. Let's get you inside to meet the rest of your new family."

I think that I just received a compliment.

If it wasn't for Laurie's presence, I would be looking forward to this.

The Major takes my two suitcases while I follow behind with my new-to-me computer bag, purse and backpack.

As we approach the front door opens, seemingly on its own, and a large black Labrador Retriever comes bounding out followed closely by a tall boy a couple of years older than me.  This must be Tom, my new brother. The dog, practically knocks me over in his enthusiasm to check out the stranger.

"Hey, Max, down, boy," Tom shouts as he grabs Max's collar and pulls him back. "Sorry about that. Max likes to make new friends. You must be Kristina, you look like one of us.  Nice to meet you."

I nod my head at him in greeting. "And you must be Tom.  I am happy to meet you too."  I probably would have stuck out my hand to shake his if my hands weren't full.  I catch myself in the thought and try to figure what a girl would do.  A friendly little finger wave seems appropriate.  I've seen girls do that before.  I'll have to remember that next time.

"Why don't you help her with her bags?" the Major suggests.

"Sure thing, Dad," he says. "Let me take your computer bag."  I hand it over.

"Come on in." Tom invites us.

By this time Mrs. Mercer–Aunt Jen–and her sister are standing by the door.  They look a lot alike. Definitely sisters.

Aunt Jen takes care of the introduction.  "Polly, meet your new daughter, Kris.  Kris, this is your new mother."

"Hi, Mom," I say.

"Welcome home, Kris," Mother Polly says, smiling. "We've heard a lot about you and are excited to meet you."  I am wondering what she has heard.  I better have a chat with Aunt Jen as soon as possible to find out what the Jeffers know and don't know.

"Come in, come in. Let's get you settled," Mom Polly says as she gives me a hug.

Coming through the doorway into a roomy entry I see Laurie.  She is standing at the far side of the entry looking as if she'd like to be somewhere else. Must be the guilty conscience, I think to myself.  I take this as a good sign. At least she is not haughty about her deception.

"Hi," she says tentatively.

I just nod my head in acknowledgement.

Sensing the tension, Major Jeffers–Dad–asks Tom to take my bags up to my room, then invites us through to the big living room that overlooks the city.

Standing with me in front of the large picture window, he points out the different parts of town and names the various mountains across the inlet to the west.  I get the impression that I am supposed to remember all this.  Unfortunately, it has been long day after a long night and I am getting tired. A lot of the new information just washes over me.

The Major is in charge of the barbecue grill tonight and he invites me to help him out on the deck.  Fresh grilled salmon is on the menu tonight.  The fillet that he puts on the grill looks like it came from a small whale instead of a fish.

"Kris," the Major says, "Jen has told me a little about your assignment. How did you get wrapped up in this?"

How should I answer that question?  Much depends on what he has been told, I guess.  I know that the sex change was not part of their briefing.  The sex change is a very closely held secret.

"Well–," I begin uncertainly, "I was recruited–after a fashion.  Apparently the Lab created a profile for the perfect candidate, then went searching for the right person and they found me. I didn't even know about the job until last night."

He looks at me questioningly.  "That is interesting.  We have known about you for some time now."

"I am told that they have been planning this operation since last summer," I reply. I get the impression that I can trust this man, so I press on, without going into great detail. "Without my knowledge, I have been observed and evaluated all winter.  A little over a week ago was my first exposure to the job. I was thrust into the role for an evening without knowing what was going on.  It happened again last night. It wasn't until the wee hours of this morning that I was told what was happening and given a choice to join the team or back out of what I didn't even know I had walked into."

The Major is a pretty good judge of people.  I guess he senses my displeasure with the recruiting methods, but then again, you'd have to be deaf and blind to miss the messages that I am sending out.

"Testing someone's character in anticipation of a promotion or special assignment without them being aware is a common procedure," he explains. "We do it all the time in my business. It is important to know how a person will react when they don't think that they are under observation. In fact it is said that the true test of a person's character is in what they do when they are away from home and think that no one is looking. A corollary to that is that a person's character comes through when they are exposed to unusual circumstances and have to respond without knowing they are being evaluated. You'd be surprised what some people do when they think that they are away from scrutiny. In my business, we have passed on a number of promising candidates for important assignments because they let themselves down in a character test.  Most of them never knew that they were being evaluated and will never know what opportunities they missed as the result of their character flaws."

"I'm not thrilled with the deception," I state. "It is hard to trust anyone associated with the Lab's security team after this experience."

"And," he observes, "I take it that Laurie was part of the recruitment effort?"

"Yes," I reply flatly.

"I see. You should understand that no one likes to find out that they have been unknowingly under scrutiny – for good or bad – but it is an essential part of the process for determining a person's character," he informs me. "The person being tested must not know that they are being tested in order for a true character test to yield valid results."

Sensing my displeasure with the process, he continues, "As far as trusting the Lab people again goes, as I see it, you have two choices."

This is shaping up to be a man-to-man talk.  I can relate to this. I wonder if the Major knows how to talk to a real girl. I'm sure I don't–yet.

"First," he says, "you can recognize the test, and its associated deception, as a part of the selection process for a trusted position.  If you do, then you will feel honored that you passed the test and move forward.  Sure, you will naturally feel some distrust of the people that put you through the test, but then you will see it from their perspective and be okay with it if you come to believe in what it is that they want you to do.  Particularly since once they know that they can trust you, they won't try deception again unless you give them some reason to distrust you.  They may not tell you everything you want to know, but they won't be deceptive anymore.  You will be one of them. Part of the team.

"Your relationships with the team members will change, because the original ones are facades created to implement the test.  Once you're on the team, those facades drop and you can really get to know the people for who they really are.  You can work at establishing new relationships that can bring you some measure of joy.  Often times, you will find that the new relationships are, in many ways, better than the ones you thought you had during the test.

"Your other choice is to stand on principle, make a stink about it, and lose the opportunity.  You will still have changed relationships with the people that recruited you, but they will be sour and harboring the bad feelings will canker your soul.  Life will be miserable and you won't have a chance to be truly happy.  Standing on principle can cause you all sorts of problems, while there are times that you need to do it, you need to choose those times carefully.  I have seen several people who have gotten their heads blown off, literally and figuratively, by standing on principle."

"But I was intentionally mislead," I point out, standing on principle. "I did make the decision to accept the job based on its merits, but I am still struggling with the way that the recruitment was handled, particularly Laurie's role in it.  I guess I'm feeling hurt that I was misled into thinking things were different than they are between us."

"And how are things between you two?" he asks.

"I don't know," I reply sadly. "We need some time to talk about it."

"Before you do," he says, "I'd like to tell you about a similar lesson that I learned once.  There might be some parallels that could help you sort through your problem with Laurie. This story may help you understand the process for selecting people based on character and why the people who administer the tests do what they do."

I nod to him to show that I am listening.

"I used to be very active in the Boy Scouting program as a teenager," he begins.  Sounds familiar. I'll probably be able to relate to this.  "I attended all sorts of leadership training camps, worked at a scout camp, went to special jamborees, and more.  When our local Council decided to hold a leadership training camp for the younger scouts, the local adult leaders were asked to submit names of highly qualified older scouts to serve on the staff.  After reviewing the list, invitations were extended to twenty-five of us to serve as trainers on the camp staff.  None of us even knew about the camp before we received the invitation to participate.  All of us were extremely qualified and happy that someone thought we were ready for such a job and we were honored to be chosen solely based on the recommendations of those that knew us well.

"A month before the training camp we all took part in a three-day staffing training camp.  Twenty-five young men and four adult leaders were there and it was hard work.  We were put through our paces relative to outdoor skills, taught how to teach and given the script for the actual campout.  Final assignments for positions on the staff were to be announced the morning of the third day.

"At dinner that second night, the scoutmaster for the course announced that, as a reward for our hard work, he was personally springing for an ice cream party that night.  We were pretty thrilled because we felt that we had earned it. It was nice that our work was appreciated.

"We assembled in the mess hall at the camp where our scoutmaster praised our efforts and told us how impressed he was.  Just to make the evening 'fun', he said, he was going to put some rules on the ice cream party.  First of all, we could only take one pass at the ice cream bar.  Second, because he hated wasting his money, we had to eat everything we took before the party was over at 11pm.  He made a big deal out of eating what you take.

"Then he turned us loose.  Each of us was given a large mixing bowl and pointed to four huge tubs of ice cream in popular flavors and toppings of all sorts plus candy of many types.  Added to that were cases of soda pop in many flavors.  It was every teenager's dream.  He constantly reminded us that we would have to eat everything we took so to be wise in our selections.

"Being the greedy teenagers we were, our eyes were bigger than our stomachs. Virtually everyone took more than they could ever eat.  We thought that our scoutmaster was the greatest guy around.

"Once everyone was through the line the adults put away everything that was left over.  Seeing our obvious mistake, the scoutmaster said that he would give five dollars to anyone who could finish their bowl before 11pm.

"The heat was on. At first we all thought that the five dollars was a sure thing.  Within half an hour, all of us had decided that maybe it wasn't such a sure thing.  After the first hour, we all knew that none of us were likely to earn the money.

"When anyone tried to stop the now-evil scoutmaster reminded them that they had agreed to abide by the rules and insisted that they continue.  Most tried.  A few apologized profusely and offered to pay for their treats when they quit, much to the apparent disgust of the scoutmaster. He made everyone who quit feel real bad for not following through. The now-evil scoutmaster had seemed to have turned into someone completely different from the really nice guy we met at the start of the camp. Those that didn't quit at first pushed on, most eventually dropping out before they got sick.  A few were not about to let the scoutmaster win and stupidly and stubbornly pushed on.  Only one earned the five dollars, however, he and two of his best friends spent an hour sitting in the showers puking their guts out and cursing the evil scoutmaster.  What was interesting is that these three were everyone's favorite candidates for the top youth leader positions. They were talented and very accomplished scouts.

"The next day, it was a sorry lot that showed up for breakfast where the staff assignments where announced.  The results were shocking.  The top three leaders were chosen from among the group that had stood up to the scoutmaster when they discovered their mistake."

"What happened to the three top candidates?" I asked.

"They were assigned to run the commissary.  They were not part of the group directly training the boys," he said.

"And where did you end up?" I asked.

"I was assigned to the commissary," he admitted. "I have to tell you, I was pretty upset at being set up, as were my two buddies and many of the other scouts.  One of my buddies dropped out of the camp and I wanted to join him but my parents talked me into seeing it through.  I hated that scoutmaster. I felt that he had been grossly unfair."

"I take it," I observed, "that your opinion changed."

"It did," he said. "One afternoon, during the actual training camp, the two of us worked together on inventory for a couple of hours and we had some time to talk.

"The evil scoutmaster told me why he did what he did.  He was looking for someone he could trust to make good decisions to lead the camp. Someone who knows when they have made a mistake and will find a way to make it right. Someone who knows to seek help when he needs it. Those who had quit early had shown that they were those kind of people. The rest of us let our egos carry us on into an unwise situation. Egotistical bastards, he told me, don't make good leaders. They prove that all the time.

"He pointed out to me that the experience wasn't fun for him either.  He was working with the cream of the crop and he thought highly of all of us.  It was hard, but necessary, to play the role of the hard guy.

"The scoutmaster's dilemma was that if he announced what he was looking for, everyone would have done their best to appear to meet the criteria.  He was also short on time.  He needed a quick way to test our true character without allowing us to try to fool him.  The ice cream party did just that.  Each of us showed our true colors when we thought that we were 'off the clock'.  The scoutmaster was able to see whom he could trust.

"He told me that I could learn from the experience and grow from it, or be like my friend and quit. After that conversation, my scoutmaster was always there to support me when I needed it. He is a great teacher and I have never made the mistake of being arrogant again. I thought a lot about that experience and we have talked about it from time to time over the years. In the end I have come to see that he taught me one of my most valuable life lessons. I look up to the man more than just about anyone else. We have been great friends all these years.  The lesson I learned from him has helped me a lot over the years.

"He took a lot of heat from some parents over his methods, but it worked for me. I'm glad I had the experience.

"I still have the five dollar bill as a reminder of that camp and the lessons that I learned.  It is framed on my office wall as a reminder to not be stupid again," he concluded.

"So," I ask, "what do you want me to learn from this? It isn't exactly like my situation."

"I don't exactly know what your situation is, but you, young lady, were most likely chosen because you are technically qualified to do the job that you were recruited for," he says. "Additionally, it appears that you have proven yourself by some character test to be someone who can be trusted.  If you hadn't passed the character test, you wouldn't be here right now. You should be proud of that accomplishment. The question remains as to whether or not you have what it takes to rise above your dashed expectations, forge new relationships, and find success in fulfilling an important assignment.   The choice is yours. I am interested to see what you do."

The story doesn't exactly fit my situation, but there are some principles there that I really need to think about. I can see the nature of a character test and the need for the deception. But what about me and Laurie? I know that teenage romances don't often work out, but it is nice to think that they might. Is heartache inevitable? Fortunately, we have not gone too far with the relationship or this would hurt even worse. Was she just playing the part all this time? What does she really feel for me? I guess that I will need to find out from her. It appears that we may need to forge a new relationship.

I am committed to the larger project. There is no turning back from that.  I just need to find out how Laurie and I are going to work things out. That part is so confusing right now. I really need some time to think about all this.

I reach up and touch the charm on my necklace and wish that I could go for a long run to sort things out.

The major puts his arm around my shoulder and gives me a squeeze. "In the mean time, Princess, the fish is done," he says with a smile. "Let's go eat."

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Hey Gabi! Thanks again for your assistance. The story is a lot smoother because of your wonderful touch.