I shook my head, barely moving, not looking directly at her. “It’ll be fun,” she said.

I guess I stared at the buzzing instrument a little too long. Megan took it back from me gently, saying, “I’ll show you how.” She clicked the device off, making me flinch again.

I nodded at her, numb.

“You can’t go right in,” Megan explained. “It might hurt. Hmm.” She found the tube of lube and applied a line from the tip halfway down the shaft. I watched, trying to stop my lip from quivering. I pulled the sheet across me, causing Megan’s eyebrows to go up.

I didn’t care. I was so close to sobbing. In fear? Desperation? The cursing of any hope I had for—what? Going back to what—and who—I had been? I looked down at myself, translucently visible through the thin motel sheets.

“Petey?” Megan whispered. I shook my head, barely moving, not looking directly at her. “It’ll be fun,” she said. Her hand moved, turning the machine back on, perhaps without meaning to. A glob of the transparent goo she had applied, impelled by the vibration, flew through the air and landed on my thigh, making a nickel-sized circle of the sheet even more transparent.

Megan giggled. I wondered what my expression might be. Was I smiling?

Suddenly, we were both laughing, absurdity trumping angst.

“Shall I demonstrate?” she asked, using a fingertip to spread the glistening lube, then waving the pink shaft around.

“P-please,” I stammered.

She put the buzzing thing against her nether lips and then flinched away. “Too much! Too quick!”

A little experimentation first, vibrating against thigh and belly, then using a layer of the sheet between her honeypot and the electric dildo. She made funny noises. I heard someone giggling and decided it must be me.

She pulled the sheet away and said, like a surgeon in a bad medical drama, “I’m going in.”

I had to laugh at the expressions on her face. I took her other hand in both of mine. She pressed the vibrator against her pussy lips, moving it up and down, squeaking and hissing through her teeth and clenching my fingers. She arched her back and spread her legs further apart. Her movements were alternately tentative then deliberately sudden.

“You haven’t done this before either,” I accused.

She shook her head, grinning, and plunged the vibrator inside her, leaving only a handgrip length to hold onto. We both gasped. She worked the shaft in and out, pressing it upward. Her face seemed to blur with the vibration, but it must have just been my vision. She whimpered and gasped again, then let out a longer bubbly sound that broke into hiccupy noises and a moan.

I turned away, looking at the ceiling. I still held her one hand in mine, and she used it to tug on me. I heard her turn off the vibrator’s buzz. “Intense,” she murmured. She laughed, sounding pleased.

I let go of her hand, still not looking at her. My face felt red, my breath a bit ragged, and my eyes still burning from whatever had made things go blurry for a bit.

“You’ve got to try this, Petey,” she said. “I think I came two or three times.”

I didn’t need to hear that.

Megan rolled off the bed and went to the sink to clean up and wash the vibrator, too.

“It’s not like when we made love,” she was saying. “Or when that creep Logan,” her boyfriend from last year, “fucked me.”

I didn’t want to listen, for fear she would describe the sensations in detail.

She came back to the bed and reapplied the lube to the glistening pink shaft. I watched, wondering why my lips and eyelids kept twitching. It was almost the way I felt before a game, but this was definitely not football.

She handed me the vibrator. “Your turn,” she said, giggling. “Petey, Petey, Pete!”

I sighed. It wasn’t like facing off at the line of scrimmage against eleven guys, all of whom were bigger and stronger than me. What was I afraid of? Was it what Megan had suggested? That I might like it?

I took the pink fake and slid the switch to ON. “It’s got two speeds!” I noted.

“Start with the slower one,” Megan warned. “The fast one is a bit intense at first.”

“Ah, jeez,” I complained.

Megan helped me get the pillows arranged behind my neck, then settled on the bed, kneeling where I could see her, kind of framed between my knees. I wanted to pull my feet up out of her easy reach but didn’t. She wasn’t going to tickle me unexpectedly. (I hoped!)

“Here goes,” I said, flicking the switch on and off and on again. I brought the vibrator to my thigh, then my belly, kind of repeating Megan’s itinerary. I could feel myself quivering down there. It felt more like anticipation than dread. Watching Megan do this really had made it easier.

I circled the landing field several times. Some of the sensations were like nothing I had ever felt before—especially the internal ones. Something inside me clenched and quivered, and something else felt a bit like the hard-ons I had got when…when I used to be a boy.

This wasn’t real, was it? I hadn’t been turned into a woman by something like divine intervention, had I? Maybe I was really in a bad accident, lying in a hospital bed, out of my mind on painkillers.

“Fuck!” I yelped when the vibrator touched the lips I didn’t used to have.

With Megan giggling like a whole troop of insane monkeys, I explored the area. Some of it felt very, very good. Two hot tight spots crinkled up on my chest. My earlobes seemed to be buzzing—heterodyning off the vibrations, perhaps. My nose quivered, and my tongue pressed against the roof of my mouth. I flounced on the bed, my back arching, my throat sore from the noises I was making.

I plunged the vibrator inside me, thrusting with my hips involuntarily. I felt something, a tearing, pinching sensation and a flash of pain.

It wasn’t supposed to hurt, was it?