How did I get here? I am not Gay, never was. YET somehow I am a post operative MtF woman and enjoy living that way. At 75 years old, there will never be intercourse, of that I am completely sure. Lots of those who I know figure I am Gay. I was married to a woman until 2005 for 38 years. She was as messed up as me perhaps, very unaffectionate. We rescued each other from terrible abuse. I worked very hard to heal from its effects. She refused to acknowledge that it ever happened.
This is the first time that I have ever revealed that I have doubts that my son and daughter are actually mine. I have learned that she was adept at concealing her activities. I have no proof of it, so I never vocalized it. I am closer to my adopted daughter than my supposed own children.
Does life have to make sense?
Comments
re: Does life have to make sense?
no, it does not.
Many of us have experienced relationships that were not that affectionate. For many, it does not matter that much but for others, it is essential. All part of the rich tapestry of life and reinforces the notion that we are all different for a reason.
According to some, I have an odd outlook on life. I try not to let setbacks get me down. Years of being bullied as a child, is largely to blame for that (or at least that is my excuse.). It used to drive my ex-wife mad when I brushed off things as if they didn't matter that much. In the grand scheme of thing, it does not matter.
It takes all sorts to make up this world. Not one of us knows or can know even a fraction of what it takes to make society work.
Samantha
A way to add some sense to a part of your life.
Dearest Gwen,
I sense that the question of whether "your children are really yours" is a significant concern to you and that uncertainty will continue to have a negative impact on your future happiness. If so, then the following may be of some help, especially if your "children" are estranged from you.
One responsibility that you have is to determine the distribution of your possessions after your death. Your attorney will help you construct a "last will and testament" to bring about your wishes. (Avoid a "DIY" will, because there are some traps in many jourisdictions.)
If "your son and daughter" are estranged from you, you may wish to have your will exclude them from significant participation in your estate. You would probably feel better about your decisions in this regard if you knew your actual blood relationship to them.
A simple DNA test, regularly available from ancestry.com for $50 to $60 apiece will tell if two tested people are related, and are quite accurate for a parent-child relationship. (There is an exception: if someone has had a bone marrow transplant, their ancestry.com DNA test will show the DNA of the bone marrow donor, not the recipient. This is because the DNA in saliva, the DNA test sample, comes from the DNA in the blood which comes from the bone marrow.)
Your leverage to get them to test is simple. Tell them of your suspicion and ask them to take the DNA test. If they resist, explain that the results of the test will determine how they appear in your will. Declining to test is assumed to be "not related."
When ancestry.com has processed the DNA test materials (it takes up to 6 weeks or so) they will create a list of your DNA relatives (who have also tested with ancestry.com) that you can view online.
Caveats:
1. Is your estate sufficient to matter to "your son and daughter?" If not, there is no leverage. Estate sufficiency could be either $ or "family heirlooms."
2. Will either positive or negative test results cause emotional damage to you or them? If so, balance the values. If the potential damage is too great, you may wish to assume all is good and forget about questioning the relationship.
Sara
Between the wrinkles, the orthopedic shoes, and nine decades of gravity, it is really hard to be alluring. My icon, you ask? It is the last picture I allowed to escape the camera ... back before most BC authors were born.
Hi Gwen regarding "I am not
Hi Gwen regarding "I am not Gay, never was. YET somehow I am a post operative MtF woman and enjoy living that way. "
I am sure there are many more like you. You don't have to necessarily prefer men sexually to enjoy being a women. It may make things easier, but it is not essential. As you are post op, surely it would be gay if you wanted to be with a woman? It's a bit like the the folk that dislike trans women that say they are just gay men changing gender so they can be with men. Surely it is a lot easier to be a gay man than a trans woman?
Recently I have seen some feminists claim the huge increase in would-be trans men is because girls feel it is easier to be a trans man than a lesbian. Wow.
You should just be you Gwen. I'm sure you can find a friends of either gender.
Leeanna