Link: Every Day Is Your Last Title Page and Description

CAUTION - Highly Emotional Content

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I didn't hear about Jack or Rich until I'd been deployed to Bagram for over six months. When they extended our deployment another six, we were given ten-day Leaves. Mine came up first in rotation, so I got to fly back to Guam where I called Jenny as soon as I could get off base. She told me and I dug up the details after they were already buried and gone.

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Erica sat at the table as she tried to hand write the letter to Heather. They hadn't communicated since the funeral over eight years earlier, and sitting there, she found it hard to know where to begin. She stared at the salutation with vast blank space beneath it, waiting for words of regret and sorrow.

Unable to focus, she looked out the window to the front yard and smiled. Eric and April were sitting on the curb out in front of her house, Erica sure her eleven-year-old was telling his young friend a story that the two would act out together sometime; praying that he might be blissfully unaware of the upheaval that was sure to await after writing and sending her letter. She loved listening to the playful duo and the elaborate stories the two children made up together in their gentle way with one another. It was the one bright spot in her life of heartache since Jack's death.

She just sat there watching them until the two got up and started walking to April's house before turning back to her letter. Finally knowing what to say, she began scratching out the long overdue letter to the woman who'd been her Maid of Honor and so much more, but was unable to finish it for months.

Heather went into the library to read the letter her sister-in-law sent her the month before, having put off reading it for fear of what it might say after so long a time apart. As she began, her worst fears were realized as her hopes of reconciliation with that lost branch of her family faded into tears. Unable to believe what she was reading, she started again.

Dear Heather,

I know it's been a long time since we've spoken. I think it's just been too hard for either of us to breach the pain of our mutual losses. Even as I write this, my heart aches for Jack and Richie, begging for the chance to see them just one more time. It seems that day will come for me very soon.

I'm sorry that it took this to reach out to you, to bridge the gap that grew out of their deaths, but I've been diagnosed with leukemia. It's aggressive and isn't responding to treatment, so I was admitted to the hospital for radical radiation treatment and chemotherapy in an attempt to halt its spread. I have less than a one-percent chance of survival and only been given two months, at best. I tried writing when I was admitted, but it was just too hard.

I hope life has been better for you these last eight years. Do you still have your practice? I kept busy doing HR consulting; writing Conflict Resolution guidelines for companies all over the western states. Eric would stay with a friend of his, the Stone family, on the occasions I was away, which is where he's staying now. I don't know if you were ever told about my parents. I'm sorry I never did so myself. They were killed February of last year when their car was hit by a drunk driver. He was a Frenchman who didn't have a license or insurance and had been living here illegally for over ten years.

Mom did finally learn to respect Jack before she died. She once told me she thought he was going to 'ruin her girl's life' and drag me down into poverty and misery. I think it wasn't until she saw me crying when they handed me Jack's flag that it dawned on her just how happy he'd always made me. Once he was gone, she could see what I was without him... destitute and void.

All I have left of Jack now is Eric. One thing I regret most in life is that we've been so far apart and so distant with one another that he never has had a chance to know his family and the best friends I ever had... you, Faith, and Brooke. I would like to correct that mistake.

I know it's asking a lot, but if the doctors are right, soon Eric will have no one left to love him. I don't want to see him end up in foster care. It would break poor Jack's heart... and mine. So I am asking, please. Would you take care of him for us once I'm gone to be with Jack and Richie? You and Faith may soon be the only family he has left in the world.

I miss you and Brooke so much and have done so for years, but it was always just too hard to try and reach out after so much time and pain. I'd thought briefly about maybe moving nearer to you two once Jack was gone, but Mom and Dad needed Eric and I close with Richie gone. I was thinking about it again after they died, but only days after the accident I was diagnosed and too busy fighting for my life. Pulling up roots and moving across the country at that time was just unthinkable. I hope you can forgive me for not telling you sooner about Mom and Dad... or me... or Eric... or any of the thousands of things we've missed about each other's lives over the years.

Since I'm sending this to you, I wanted to also tell you something else. About a month after the funeral at Arlington, I got a letter from Jack. He'd written it hours before he and Richie were killed and hadn't even had a chance to mail it before they died. I included a copy of it with this letter so you can get a glimpse at their final hours, along with a copy of the letter I got from Jack's Commanding Officer.

I think I'll take Eric and his friend to the beach tomorrow. I should probably be getting ready with making final arrangements and all, but I'm going to take Jack's advice from his last letter to me instead.

All my love to you, Faith, Brooke, and all,

Erica Dunning

Heather's eyes burned with tears that rained down her cheeks. To go so long without news and then to suddenly be handed so much sadness and loss all at once, she was sorely tempted to take the letter to the fireplace in the living room and throw it in; hoping to burn away the pain and perhaps someday forget she'd ever even gotten it. She knew though that it was impossible. There was an innocent life involved that would forever suffer the fallout of such a callous act of selfishness.

Jack and Erica's child.

Putting down Erica's letter, she looked at the copy of the letter her sister-in-law had gotten from Jack's Commanding Officer informing her of Jack and Richard's simultaneous deaths. Turning at last to the final letter Erica had gotten from Jack, she read it slowly and carefully, feeling a chill run down her spine at the words that came so close to her husband and friends' last moments on Earth.

My Dearest Buttons,

Hello from Kabul! Finally got a chance to write you. We've been busy for what seems like forever! My unit got tapped to secure the old abandoned Embassy building here. Lucky us! We've been guarding it for over a month and guess who I see rolling up this morning but Rich! His unit is taking over so we can get shipped out.

You asked me to be careful and I told you I wouldn't. I'll be a ruthless killer and bury our enemies in their own ashes and drown them in their own blood. We did that back at Kandahar. Took a lot of POWs too, but most of them ran or died. I'm still not going to be careful. The minute you do, start looking over your shoulder and listening for the bullet with your name on it, that's the minute your card is punched. I have to live every day here as though it's my last, making sure the threat is eliminated so I can survive to come home to you and Eric.

That's about all. Oh, there's a whole lot more, but nothing I can put in this letter. Remember that every day is your last, too! Don't be afraid to do things without me! Live! Have fun! Take Eric to Disneyland or the beach! Don't sit around pining for me to come home! If you're too scared to live, you'll die long before your body catches up with you.

They say we'll be home for Liberty by the end of the year at the latest, maybe as soon as this summer if things go well on this end. But don't wait on me! Live, have fun, and do it with me there in your heart! I want to hear all about it too, so do it and then write me so I can join you! Got that Buttons?

I think I'll go track Rich down and see if I can't convince him to volunteer for patrol with me. Give us a chance to catch up. That boy still needs me!

Love you and still trying to deserve your love,

Your Jack

Once more brought to tears with the memory of Jack's vibrant zest for life, Heather ached to have that in her life again. Without a second thought, she picked up a pen and stationary and began to write Erica back.

Dearest Erica,

I hardly know where to begin. I have to admit that when I first read about you not telling me about Richard's parents I was upset, but I understand that you've been dealing with something I am too terrified to even contemplate, leaving my Faith alone. Of course I will take care of Eric if the need should arise, but I will pray and ask God to see to it that, if it's His will, you recover fully and have many more years with him.

Speaking of more years, once you are feeling better, I would like to invite you both out to Hargrave House. To stay, if you like. Richard loved this place we made our home! In the years before he went back into the service, he spent more time than I can count restoring this place to almost the same as the day it was built. The rest of his time he spent with Faith; taking care of her and teaching her to walk, talk, and question everything! Don't worry about the cost. I'll take care of that just for the chance to see you again and give Faith and Eric the chance to know one another. They have so little family left that they need to keep who they have closer.

Gregory, my old butler, died of heart failure shortly before we moved out of Moore Estates. I'd saved him a pension that he refused to take and retire, so I donated it in his name to the Heart Association. Before he died, he found his own replacement, Fredrick. I'll have to admit, sometimes I don't know what I'd do without him. He seems to be able to do everything Gregory did, plus the work the groundskeepers used to do!

Theresa is still with me. I started calling her Cook after Richard wasn't here to keep doing it! Every time it's a little reminder that he is still here, that his spirit still lives in this house. She refuses to retire or take the pension I saved for her, either! She says she wasn't built for the easy life and would hate not having a menu for five or more to prepare for! Personally, I think she just would miss us. I know we would miss her.

The only other member of the household that moved with us is Franchesca, the junior maid. She was going to stay in Concord with her fiancé, but she caught him cheating and moved with us instead. She doesn't smile at much anymore, which is a shame because she used to be so happy all the time.

Brooke and Jenny are married now. They got married last year when New Hampshire changed their laws. I can almost hear Jack ranting about how government has no right to get involved in private matters! I know he would have been proud to stand up for Brooke, and I know you had wanted to be her Matron of Honor, but the letter she wrote you was never answered, so I stood in your place. I'm guessing that was about the time you were dealing with your parent's death and the news of your illness.

I would like to share with you something I never got to tell Richard. Shortly after he was deployed, a doctor friend of mine came to me and told me about a procedure that would make me able to bear children again. I underwent the operation two months before they were killed. I was going to surprise him when he got back. Now it's just an empty reminder of what we never got to have; the large family he'd always wanted.

I hope this letter finds you healthy and strong. All my best to you and Eric.

Love,

Heather

Erica read the letter in her hospital bed, machines pumping her full of toxins to try and stop the cancer that was killing her. She wept when she finished it, knowing the heartbreak of things undone. Later she was back in her room recovering, penning her final reply to the family she'd loved so much and lost so long ago.

Dearest Heather,

Thank you for writing back. I was worried that on seeing a letter from me after so long that you just destroyed it unread. I wouldn't have blamed you.

I'm so glad to hear about all the happiness that you've managed to make for yourselves. I was sorry to hear about Franchesca's heartbreak. I remember her coming in to make the beds a few times and how cheery and fresh she seemed, taking pride in her work and never letting the daily grind wear down her spirit. It's a shame that her love's betrayal changed her so much.

Things are not going as well for me here. The radiation isn't working and the chemotherapy isn't slowing down the cancer. I'm afraid that very soon, within a matter of weeks now, it's His will that I'll leave this world and join Richie... and my Jack... after so many lonely years without his smile. I'll be OK though. Just knowing that Eric will be with family who loves him will be enough for me to stop worrying and just let go of what I cannot change.

I've done my best to live every day as though it's my last, as Jack asked me to. The only thing I think he'd be disappointed about is that I never looked for love again. I know he would have wanted me to move on, but nobody could ever replace the missing half of my heart and soul. So I kept busy with work I enjoyed and spent time with Eric cooking, cleaning, going to the park, reading together, and making his life as full of love and happiness as if Jack were here to do them with me.

I do worry about Eric sometimes. He's so quiet and shy, and so very unlike the boys he goes to school with. I think that not having Jack around has made him miss the lessons of how to be a man, so he has a hard time relating to his peers. He had Dad until last year, but I guess that wasn't enough. Instead he spends his time inventing stories and playing with the girls in his classes as they're more accepting of his gentle nature.

The only thing I was worried about him living with you is that he would have you, Faith, and Brooke, but no male role models he could look up to. I'm glad that you still have a man in the house, even if he is only your butler. I know that to you that means he's almost as close as family, so I can set my heart at ease on that issue as well.

I truly am sorry about not responding to Brooke. I would have been honored to stand up for her and Jenny, and I'm happy to know they're still together. Thank you for stepping in when I couldn't. Once you reminded me about her letter, I remembered it came the same day I got the lab results back from my biopsy. I never even opened it, I was so distraught. Since it was from Brooke and not you, I was certain it was just more bad news, that you or Faith had died, so I destroyed it; unable to face whatever horrible news Brooke had written to tell me. Please extend both my apologies and congratulations to them both. I'm so happy they were finally able to join together as one.

Words cannot express how sorry I am that had Richie returned home you two could have grown your family as you both so badly desired. I fear that now that you know it was Jack that convinced Richie to go on that patrol with him that you'll blame him for the loss of not only your husband, but also the loss of the children that you could have had with him. When I had to have my hysterectomy, Jack and I were beyond devastated, not just for the loss of our future children, but the poor baby that died inside me that day. So I know what it meant to you to have that hope rekindled. It seems that it was just not meant to be.

I'm sorry that I'll have to decline your request to come out to see you. I'm sure it's wonderful, unfortunately, my immune system is so weak from the attempts to halt the cancer that traveling is out of the question. I will take consolation that Eric will see it soon enough for the both of us.

I'm very tired from my last round of chemotherapy, so I'll have to close here. The results were no better than last time though, so it will be my last. No more radiation, no more toxins. I'm too tired to keep fighting a hopeless battle. If it were even helping a little, I'd keep trying, but it just seems a waste of effort. Know that I still love you so very much, miss you terribly, and think of you often. I'll write more if and when I can.

Love Always,

Erica

Sitting in the library, once more reading a letter from her husband's sister, Heather wanted to cry, the news hurt so badly. All too soon three of the four people she'd loved as a young woman would be gone, leaving her alone.

Knowing she had to keep up a stoic and strong appearance for Faith's sake, she swallowed her pain and focused on the task at hand, whatever that might be at the moment. Once begun though, the habit was difficult to turn off and came off to those around her as an attitude of being much too proper, cold, and aloof.

Needing time to process the situation, Heather didn't replay right away. She knew time was short for her failing sister-in-law, but even just thinking about it would cause her to nearly break down and sob. After a week of putting it off, she knew that she had to respond before it was too late. Sequestering herself in the library once more, she sat down with pen and paper and wrote out her last words to Erica.

My Dear Sister Erica,

I don't know why I didn't start calling you that long ago, for that is what you are... my sister... the one I always wanted and never got to have. Sister of my heart and in fact. Knowing you will soon be gone breaks my heart over the time lost to us that we could have been closer, too late to make up for it.

More than anything, I wish I could come see you, but Faith has a bad flu and right now she needs me. It is tearing me up inside knowing that at this time when you need me the most, I can't even come to say goodbye. I just can't in good conscience leave her. I'm sure Franchesca would take good care of her, but I could never live with myself if something happened to her while I was off trying to assuage my own guilty conscience over not coming to see you before now. I can't be that selfish, no matter how badly I want to see you.

I do understand why you never moved on to find love again. It is much the same with me. I've no shortage of admirers, but none of them are Richard. I guess nobody ever will be. True love is hard to find. Finding it twice in one lifetime is too much to ask, and I wouldn't want it with anyone else, anyway. Every moment would be a reminder of what I'd lost.

Brooke and Jenny don't know about your condition yet. I just don't know how to tell them without breaking down myself. I've told Faith and the rest of the household as they needed to know that Eric will be coming to live with us soon. It's a bittersweet thought, knowing that soon I'll have Jack's son here living with us, but at the most terrible cost. Losing you.

Regarding Eric, losing his father at such a young age could definitely explain his difficulty getting along with other boys. Fredrick is a good man, almost like a brother to me, and can help Eric learn how to become one himself. We also have social events, church groups, and there are plenty of boys his age at the school Faith attends. I promise I'll help him however I can to become a man just as full of life as Jack always was.

Thank you for your words of comfort regarding my constant reminder of just how much Richard and I lost the day he died. I know you of all people can appreciate the loss. Rest assured that I don't blame Jack for Richard's death, nor for my own monthly torment. Jack had no way of knowing that going on that patrol would cost him and Richard their lives, and I can't be angry at him for wanting to spend time with Richard. They loved each other as more than just friends, but as brothers and life-long companions.

Richard had only one regret in life, and that was moving so very far from you and Jack. If anything, I feel it is my fault that they died. If I had been willing to give up my practice and move back to California, they wouldn't have been so desperate to spend time together that they volunteered for that patrol. I know it's irrational, but feelings usually are.

I have reached out to Social Services there in Orange County to advise them of your failing health and my relationship to Eric. They let me know that at the moment, the Stone family has custody per your written consent. However, they are willing to relinquish custody when the time comes, so Eric will be sent out here to live with me then.

Since I don't have contact information for them, Social Services contacted them for me to advise that I will soon be sending them airfare and traveling expenses for Eric to join us here, however long he needs to stay close to you in this time you have left together. I don't want to take him away and leave you there to face the end alone. As soon as Faith's health improves enough to travel, she and I will come out to see you and stay with you until the end, however long that takes.

I still pray every night for the miracle to come that will spare your life and let us reunite the two branches of our family after so long apart.

Love and Hope,

Your Sister, Heather

Erica read the last letter from Heather with great difficulty. Her doctors had stopped her treatments weeks ago and now were just focused on making her as comfortable as possible in her final hours. She didn't have the strength to pen a reply to her sister, even though she desperately wanted to; if for no other reason than to express how much she loved her as the sister she never had and the sorrow that they wouldn't see each other ever again in this life.

She had just put the letter aside when she heard the knock on her doorway.

"Hey, Mom! Looking beautiful as always! Coming home today?" her child chirped.

She tried to smile at Eric, but her strength was ebbing fast. Her usual reply of 'Thank you, Eric! I bet I'm home by tomorrow!' was just false hope, so today she just sadly shook her head. "No, sweetie."

Pausing as the child's smile fell like sunset, Eric was crestfallen. "No, Mom! You're supposed to say..."

She coughed painfully, and simply reached her hand out to her only child. "I'm sorry, sweetie! I'm afraid today I'll be going Home to be with your father." Her eyes drifted away aimlessly. "My Jack!" she almost whispered, her heart breaking for him just one more time.